Original subtitles

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING SWEDEN

It's very advanced and difficult to do. You easily get stuck in...

-What did you say, Pia? -What did Pia say?

Damn it!

Who farted this time around?

Don't take the blame. It could be someone else.

No, don't take the blame.

It's like...

Johan! You're so damn good!

-Great. -The best!

Fantastic.

Damn good!

-No, no. -Wow, you were so good.

Oh, please.

I thought Petra would lose it when he took out the turd.

-You did? -Bye-bye, Petra, I thought.

Why?

Well, now then.

-Eva, Eva, Eva. -Yes, yes.

Johan, thanks so much. I really enjoyed it.

Give it up for Johan!

It was "hilarious," I would say.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have...

Please tell me it's not me.

-...a yellow card. -A yellow card.

Please watch the screen.

A turd.

REPLAY

Who would take a bite like this...

Maybe except for some German men

I happened to see in an adult movie when I was on a train in Düsseldorf.

No?

Not many would...

Keyyo!

Keyyo, right? No question about it.

No question.

Ouch. I'll blame Ulveson.

The Ulveson effect.

-We have one more yellow card. -Yes!

-Spiteful. -Ladies and gentlemen.

-It's David. -It's me.

-That's worth being sent off for! -It's huge.

Anis, warning. Listen! Some of you are close to a warning.

-What? -We see everything.

Petra, stay alert!

-Yes? -Or you're being too passive.

Henrik, don't hide you mouth behind your hand like that.

-Okay. -Or you'll be punished.

Too passive? Me?

-All right. -Let's get going again!

Johan brought a dog, and it's playing some music.

I want to be supportive, so I clap.

Then I hear David Batra clap off-beat on purpose.

For some reason, I think it's funny.

Okay, let's go!

-Now! -Okay.

-Don't eat that. -No, I don't want to try it.

I'm desperate. Something's gotta give. I have to do something.

-Did you ever make meringue? -You put it above your head, right?

Kristina, I can't take this anymore!

Come and rescue me from this, Kristina!

I wanna go with you to America!

Kristina runs away.

Don't go without me.

Then you know you're this close.

The meringues went to shit.

She won't look at me.

You're walking away from me.

Once she looks at me, she's done.

Look at me, then!

You keep avoiding me.

Kristina! Look at me. I beg you!

Don't walk away! Look at me!

Damn it, I'll start crying.

I was that close.

-Ladies and gentlemen. -Someone's up!

Let me introduce Petra Mede

as a traveler in a train station.

If you'll all sit down...

We'll do some improv. But, one at a time,

if you feel like it, you're free to come up and join in.

I'm trying some improv. We have to start interacting,

'cause no one is interacting in there.

So how do we laugh at each other?

Can we get a chair and some bags for props?

It became a bit weird when Petra dressed up and demanded attention.

Maria, there's some bags over there.

I thought they would all gather and watch

and let me create comedy for them.

-Oh, here's the collector. -Hi, collector.

-Where do we leave our tickets? -You leave them...

We no longer have a ticket office. There's a phone number to call.

I don't know what the skit is about, I just wound up in it.

-Do you speak Kazakh? -Yes, it's a special dialect.

I'm from Swedish Kazakhstan.

-Swedish Kazakhstan? -Which is situated...

It's a bit further north.

No one's listening to or watching our improv.

I think you should all watch us.

Did you pull out a white card?

-No! -Then no one is obliged to watch us.

I'm just so unaccustomed to not getting people's attention.

-No one is obliged to watch us. -We're just playing here.

That's right.

Petra likes attention, all right.

The spider bit me.

-The spider. -The spider bit me.

Someone help me, please!

-Colleagues? Anyone? -There's a first aid kit over there.

-Someone give me a good laugh! -Wait! Coming!

No...

-Please laugh away the pain, Dorsin! -It won't help.

I know you have a sense of humor, Dorsin.

Oh, my God!

-Look at me. -I'm fully focused here,

-you have to use this. -You have to laugh.

-Anyone sure that they cracked? -No.

-No. -But you don't trust yourself.

Who was it? Was it you who cracked?

Are you a policeman now?

No, I'm just wondering, 'cause I don't trust myself.

This time you don't have a clue.

-What a serious face. -She looks mad.

Hey!

I do appreciate the initiative. Riveting.

Shame I never found out where Swedish Kazakhstan is situated,

but we can talk about that later.

Listen, we have a warning.

This person nearly stepped over the line several times.

Let me put it this way. They struggled, and it showed.

Now, here's the photo proof.

Is it me?

The spider bit me!

Per?

So, Per, one more mistake, and you're out.

-Okay. -You're marvelous!

You're marvelous. Please go on. Go for it!

Of course you don't wanna be sent off.

I haven't even pulled out any of my cards. No, I don't wanna be sent off.

-Can we laugh now? -Yes, we can,

but I've nothing to laugh about.

Coffee sounds like a good idea.

I'll bet you're a coffee drinker. You're particular about lunch, coffee.

-This is it for today. -And who am I?

You're a schmuck who got lucky.

-Start the clock. -Don't!

Start the bloody clock!

Yes!

I'm gonna do some quotes from...

What? What did you say?

In the end, you don't think much. I just put on some false ears.

Just like that.

Pippi Longstocking, you know, when she's baking dough.

She goes, "Don't step on the dough, Mr. Nilsson."

And it's so damned funny when she's scrubbing the floor.

-And she puts on... -That's right, the scrubbers.

And there's this lovely tune by Georg Riedel. It goes like this.

That's right. And they just glide...

And Pippi is just nuts.

But if someone there...

And here's a proper band. Like the Aristocats jamming.

Someone's coming, I'm here, I'm here

-You incubi! -Can you help me, please?

-Sure, what do you need? -Plug this in.

-Would you like some hair? -Sure.

-What's this? -It's a printer.

Johan Ulveson is the funniest person I know.

This has to...

This madness,

coupled with a totally straight face.

Wait, we don't need the American one.

-Yes, it's that one. -Someone's at the door.

-Someone's here. -Did you order anything?

Not me. You're really a sight, Pia.

-They delivered something. -A little golden mascot.

It's for me.

It's a butter figurine of Ove Sundberg,

if the name is familiar.

It's my scheduled diet.

Dorsin's diet schedule. That's clever.

That's Dorsin for you.

-What's it made of? -Butter.

It's pure butter.

I don't usually gobble up one of these whole, but...

Give me a break!

It's more fat than tasty.

I'm playing Hamilton this fall, so I really need to get in great shape.

And you have to tear down first to be able to really rebuild.

In the first episode, I'm down and out.

"Hamilton in the Service of Health"

is the name of the first movie.

-Okay, so it's showtime! -It's your card!

Go, brave Pia.

Brave Pia!

-You wanna sit here? -Yes, Maria just complimented my look.

My self-confidence is soaring.

You look just like an old junkie in Sergels torg.

Why...

Now, I did a lot of acting in my day,

but a cultural venture I never tried before

is working on some books for children.

-Fun! -Yeah, great!

Exactly. It's not quite finished yet.

I'm still working on it.

So I need some help filling in the gaps.

-You want us to help you? -Exactly.

So just listen to the story, and I'll tell you when I need some help.

There's a hen in the story.

Kristina, would you be the hen, please?

-Sure. -Nice.

And then there's a fox. Would you do the fox, please?

-Sure. -Nice.

And I'll need a beaver.

-Sure, why not? -Once upon a time,

there was a hen who sat cackling happily away.

-Cock-a-doodle-doo! -Great cackling, Kristina.

After a while, the hen rose and started looking for worms.

Okay.

Suddenly, the cunning fox came along,

sounding like foxes tend to sound like.

That's Pia Johansson for you. Just incomprehensible.

All of a sudden, the fox said to the hen, in a thick accent...

-What are you doing? -Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Before the hen could answer, the beaver showed up.

The beaver was a champion in the martial art of capoeira,

which you could tell by his body language.

He walked with a fluid, dancing motion.

Today, he'd got his foot caught in an empty carton

of a German multivitamin drink,

which made him limp heavily.

Silly multivitamin drink from Germany!

I don't feel like I was quite able to do my stuff in capoeira.

It went a bit too fast there.

The beaver said, hindered by his speech impediment...

Stop... Stop shitting on me.

The fox was furious and said...

That's rich, coming from you!

The beaver had heard enough. He attacked the fox

and called him by the nastiest word he knew...

Frenchman!

Now entered the toad.

We'll need a toad.

The toad had misunderstood everything as usual,

and tried to put all the animals prostrate.

In the ensuing chaos, the fox touched the toad's bottom.

She's gone overboard totally. She's nuts.

I just wanna say, I wrote this before you touched each other.

Other undefined animals turned up at the scene,

and they all started fighting.

Pia's story is so fucking clever.

She gets us all going.

And it's easy to forget that we have to keep a straight face.

A little grimace or a smile will slip through.

And a tender voice, like the voice of an angel, echoed through the trees...

I want cash.

Meal vouchers are fine, too.

Now the animals stopped fighting and all joined in a dance.

They all started twerking, shaking their bottoms.

All the animals shook their bottoms, except for the fox,

who undressed and started rubbing his genitalia

against every loose object.

The animals' bottoms flitted like butterflies in the evening light.

The finale was an actors' orgy that will remain in my nightmares for a long time.

As far as I know...

Please.

...their bottoms are flitting and twerking to this very day.

What do you say? Will it work?

-Yes! -Astrid Lindgren?

-You were great. -How moving!

Yes.

Hi, welcome to customer support. Anis speaking.

Hi, Anis, Röse here. Can I speak to Keyyo, please?

Kristina Petrushina to cash desk one, please.

Since we're talking, what are you doing?

-Just watching some idiots. -Okay, here's Kristina.

-Thanks. -Hey.

Hi, Kristina, dear. It's Röse, high umpire, ruler of the universe.

I have a job for you. You need to take your lollipop out of you mouth.

-Okay, I will. -Okay? Yes.

Time to drop the security blanket.

I'll bet all these are less than a hundred.

That one's festive.

That's what people standing behind me usually say.

Humbly said.

You owe me two rabbits.

-It's millions. Are you in clover? -What?

When Henrik Dorsin starts talking jive, things can get bad in a hurry.

No, I'm not, 'cause you owe me two rabbits.

He sees I'm off balance, so he starts kicking me when I'm down.

But why...

I don't owe you anything.

I had to run away. It's the only way to make it stop.

You dare take me on in a hip-hop battle? Hey, shoo!

A hip-hop battle? Please.

Anis runs away.

He's either offended, or he's cracking up.

-Hey, bro. Listen up! -What?

-You owe me two rabbits. -No, you owe me para.

Para... Paracetamol?

Paracetamol?

Give me paracetamol Paracetamol

You're all wet 'Cause you know what you're gonna get

-Come on, come on, man -Bumba clap

You hear me talking So quit your walking

And start squawking

Henrik has his sights on Anis. Let's see what happens.

Listen, man, I know you can.

Are you from here or from anywhere?

-No, I'm from Hagastaden. -Hagastaden?

Well, in your face. Hagastaden, a wonderful place.

-Sounds like a troubadour song. -Right.

Hagastaden, a wonderful place

Well, I'll be darned I'll be darned

A wonderful place, Hagastaden

Well, I'll be darned, I'll be darned

Yesterday, there was nothing there

But today, there's houses everywhere

Houses to the left and to the right

Down in Hagastaden

And a shop or two

Are there for you

It will be fun as hell

For Anis as well

Hagastaden, a wonderful place

Hagastaden, in your face

I would buy the album, no question.

I'll be darned Moved to Hagastaden

I'm about to die You're the reason why

I'm in a trance Henrik Dorsin is doing a breakdance

-It's nice. -Real nice.

I need to get out of here now.

Hampus... One of my favorite people.

He's sort of charming too, so I thought I'd make him laugh.

Pia Johansson is on the offensive again.

You almost got me going there.

What am I gonna do with my face? I can't walk away.

I don't see your eyes. Where are you?

-Here I am. -There you are.

-Look into my eyes. -I see you.

-I'm deeply depressed, actually. -Why?

I'm suffering from... What's it called? Post-COVID depression.

-I got it during the pandemic. -No smell or taste, right?

Exactly. My husband farts a lot. It was good not having to smell it.

I knew he was lying there all night, farting. He just loves onions.

So it's good to be rid of the smell.

-Yes. Are you still there? -Yes.

Ow, Pia.

Are we on the phone? I thought we met.

We need to take a break from this.

Hampus. He's just funny.

Listen up, a white card.

Petra Mede.

Bring the camera down lower, please.

This is so weird it's absolutely brilliant.

She managed to create a strong sense of insecurity, which is so funny.

Suddenly, she almost traps herself.

She's so full of herself that she's almost bursting. I'm dying.

I'm a victim of my own comedy.

That proves I find myself to be funniest of us all.

So I'm struggling myself.

The one in the room who enjoyed Petra's offensive the most,

was, I believe, Petra herself.

I can't read this.

-It's great so far. -Thanks, but I dropped a contact lens.

It must be here somewhere.

Can anybody with good eyesight come and look?

-Is it a disposable lens? -That's right.

It's funny.

I'm so good that they believe this stuff.

-Yes, but let's... -What's your strength?

-Thanks, Pia, we'll go on. -Petra, what's your strength?

God, my strength?

-I have many, let me tell you. -She's telling us about them now.

Wait. It's here.

Now, let's see.

Thank you so much.

-Top notch. -Yes.

Funny.

Petra, can you do it in Swedish, too?

-You were brilliant, I thought. -Really?

Yes, it was top notch.

-Some melon? -I'll have some fucking melon.

I was wondering what the Finnish version of this would be like.

-The Finnish version? -What's Finnish humor like?

It's like this. Low down inside your body.

That's what it's like.

Yes, but what's funny to them?

-It's all nonsensical. -Right.

-But what do they eat... -They bathe in the sauna.

Pia! Where's Pia?

Where's Pia?

Now let's see!

COMING UP

-My maracas. -No one takes you seriously.

-And what's this? -A sweaty ass.

What are they doing over there?

-Fucking hell! -I see you.

The beaver's evicted.

This is so damn funny right now.

I'm your dream girl.