Original subtitles

-He's leaving for the weekend. -What?

It's not a tragedy, we'll find a different solution.

Shit!

Shit!

There's another solution.

Maharajah!

His Excellence asks if this is the best reseller in Brussels.

-Yes, your excellence. -Very well.

His Excellence desires to buy a black car that's extremely fast.

Here it is, a black car.

His Excellence can see that the car is black,

but is it also extremely fast?

His Excellence would prefer that I'm the one who drives.

Sure.

His Excellence is visiting the Ambassador.

Later he thinks he'll show him the vehicle.

It would be better if it's you who shows it to his Excellence.

I'm not the driver.

You've driven it with such ability, despite it being your first time.

I'm just his secretary.

We wouldn't do any better, believe me. Here is my card.

Thank you.

We are open until six. A telephone call will do.

Taxi!

Hurry up. The porter asked too many questions.

You rascal!

You're happy, aren't you?

You owed me 200 for the Mercedes, plus this 500, that makes 700.

Help yourself. Let's close our business.

-Is it a deal? -It's a gift!

Go, take what you want!

The only thing left is this lousy wallet.

Take it as a gift.

-What for? -It's for your collection.

-I'm not convinced… -No, it's just that your job is over.

-Do you have a big deal? -No, I'm done, nothing else.

-Will you drive the 2CV back? -Can't you do it by yourself?

No, I have too many appointments this afternoon.

Hurry up!

With this one and that one.

-Come on, get lost. -Cool down.

Hey!

Hey!

The gasoline!

Here you go, ma'am. Sorry for being late,

-I had a flat tire… -Wait a moment.

-Here it is. -Thanks, ma'am.

Take the lift,

-or else Oscar keeps on going upstairs. -Relax!

Come here, Oscar. Take your bone!

Come, my love. Take your bone!

Oscar.

Come, Oscar.

Come, I'll put you on your little coat.

Come, my little Oscar.

Come, so your mum puts you on your little coat.

-Please, Mrs. Van de Put? -What?

-Mrs. Van de Put! -Michelle has just come out.

-Ma'am, please… Hey! -Miss, please.

-Sorry for being late. -You are not late at all.

I had a flat tire, that's why I'm late. You're very kind.

I'm being nice because this box isn't for me.

I'll go and see if Mrs. Van de Put is still home.

If you're frightened by Oscar, I'll put a muzzle on him.

I'm deaf and he's toothless.

What do you want me to do? Where shall I put this?

-Well done, do a good deed. -Come here, little doggie.

I don't know if Oscar's too small or the coat is too large,

-but in any case, it hurts. -Give it to Mrs. Van de Put.

Do you think he has rabies?

No, I don't think so, unless Mrs. Van de Put has bitten him.

-Does it burn? -No.

Doesn't it burn?

-Ah! -Perfect, I have to go.

Do you want to taste a delicious sausage?

-Here it is, for your sausage. -Thanks!

It's for the engine.

It's the car who pays.

Don't you think the sausage here is tasty? We don't come around often.

I often pass this way in the afternoon.

Sorry, are you Paul Frére?

May I ask you a question?

How did you get your first car for your first rally?

I don't remember any more. I did it somehow.

Did you apply without a car?

Yes, this one isn't mine and I don't have money to rent one.

I can't wait to drive in this rally.

That's a problem, but you caught me a little off guard.

Don't you have a friend whom you can ask for money?

-Give me some advice, please? -I don't know.

No, I don't have any and I have to take part in this rally.

I'm putting all my… I don't know how to explain.

It's not only about the start. The real hard part is to achieve results.

To be successful, to compete at a high level, make a name for yourself.

Can't you help me at all? Don't you know what I could do?

The rally begins the day after tomorrow and I don't even have a car.

No, but I hope you get through it. Good luck!

Are you crazy? Let me go.

-Let me go. What's got into you? -Your friend told me everything!

You're a bastard!

Let me go! Let me go!

Don't touch the number plate!

Don't touch the number plate!

He told me everything!

I don't care about the plate!

What now?

I could go to prison!

Let me go!

-Go away! -Yes, I will go away!

You bastard!

See you in a quarter of hour, at the Porsche. I'll arrive first.

Miss, has the selection been done already?

Yes, the list of participants is over there.

-Where? -Over there.

Number nine.

Sorry, I've applied with a Porsche and I'd like to know if…

-Over there… -Can't you show me?

-Sir, are you Paul Deriviere? -Yeah.

I have applied with a Porsche, I'm number nine.

I'd like to know if it's possible to change my vehicle.

If you chose a Porsche, you have to keep the same category.

But look, it's badly parked, and its brakes don't work.

May I start in a Mustang or a Jaguar?

-With one of these two? -Yes, I wanted to know, just in case…

If it's just in case, have your brakes repaired.

Shit!

You're the cause of the crash, then you blame the others!

-That's not true! -I saw you!

He overtook me then cut me up!

You imbecile! He saw that too.

He saw that too, yeah.

I'll knock you out!

If you hit me, I'll break your face.

You idiot, take that!

Stop it!

Officer!

Look, he's a road hog, officer!

He drives around with that old crock!

CLOCK REPAIRS

He cut me up!

It was you!

Come and see. I have to show you something.

Give me the paper turban, idiot. Get out of here!

Idiot!

Hello.

I'm returning this old crock. Its brakes are messed up.

But it's an exceptional car.

Exceptional? Do you want a nut?

No? You don't want one?

Well.

Goodbye! Don't you want to see me again?

Bye.

Sir, you lost your number nine.

You!

For heaven's sake! How long should I wait?

Actually, it's the same thing wherever you go. Always like that.

Just picture it. The other hair-dresser burnt me!

-He burned your hair? That's a shame! -Yeah!

By the way, some days ago a hospice caught fire.

-Yeah, 20 people died. -More than 80, actually.

Did you read it in the newspaper?

-Well, if you read it in a newspaper… -Yeah, I don't know.

It said someone was naked.

And I read that someone caught a cold.

For sure. They were all wearing pajamas.

They were sleeping. Someone was naked.

-Imbecile! -Excuse me?

Nothing, ma'am.

-Ma'am. -Yeah?

I'll wait for you so we can continue our little talk.

-Okay! -Excuse me.

What do you think about when washing my hair?

I think of my mom.

And are you always thinking of her?

I'm not here for thinking, ma'am.

When you think of something, what do you think of?

Just between us, I'm always thinking about cars.

That's better!

You've already come here with a Porsche.

And so what?

Nothing.

I just wanted to know if you still have it.

If it really has to be a Porsche,

there are three solutions.

Buy one, rent one…

things that seem to be ruled out,

or by being kind to someone who has one.

How much does it cost to rent one?

You'd better call someone who owns a Porsche.

This way, ma'am. Have a seat.

When you get a tip, at least say thank you.

It wasn't a tip, it was the address of a clairvoyant.

Hello? I'm calling for the renting of a Porsche.

Yeah.

No, it's just for a few days.

How much for the rental? What?

But that's not possible! No!

Is it the same for just one day?

That's impossible!

Tomorrow I'll steal something at the car showroom to make some money.

Are you crazy? Go there at night-time with a girl.

Give me a sausage.

-Will you give me a sausage? -They're all sold.

Ah, that's why. This morning I made a fool of you.

But you're a fool!

Nobody has forced you.

I gave you 20 francs to put a sausage in the car's muffler.

Come on, give me a sausage!

You want a sausage?

Then, inflate my tires.

I have money to buy me a sausage.

Those people gave me money to buy your good sausages.

I've come here as you asked.

This is my private mode of transport, it's quite responsive.

It's much faster than a Porsche in the traffic.

Yeah?

Come here!

It's faster.

Ah, I get it! You prefer the old ones. Those with a big belly.

You whore!

Come on, get in!

We are closing, hurry up!

-It's beautiful, isn't it? -Yeah.

Did you get the catalog?

There is one in the boot.

Here it is!

We are closing! Get out, please!

And so?

And so what?

What do we do now?

Nothing!

"Miss, I invite you to pass the evening in the trunk of a car."

If you'd told me so I would have thought you were crazy.

Miss, I invite you to pass the evening in the trunk of a car.

Am I crazy?

What were you talking about on your moped?

Nothing.

Random things.

Which things?

-Didn't you hear anything? -No, nothing!

-So why did you get off? -Because you played your cards right.

I said you're a bitch!

Yeah, I said you're horrible.

Because a man with a Porsche who wants to sleep with you

is worth more than a man with a moped.

The man on the moped is beautiful!

I'm hungry.

Then why did you come here with me?

Is that all you have to tell me?

Why? Isn't that enough?

Yes, that's true, you're right.

I've been hit on by guys with cars, others on foot…

I'm the first on a moped!

I love you.

Isn't it good? It's a perfect alibi if they catch me!

-A romantic love! -It's perfect.

Are you here to flatten the tires?

To commit arson? Steal a Rolls?

No, I'm here to steal some spare parts, I need 15,000 francs.

To steal valuable parts!

-Can't you just steal? -I'm not a thief.

And I'm not an alibi.

Don't touch me!

-Let me get out or I'll slap you! -Try it!

Stop it.

Stop it!

I'm hungry.

I didn't come here to steal, sir!

I have no money for a hotel and my mom doesn't want me home.

There's a girl in the trunk.

Are you scared? No.

I'll get to work.

No, wait. Trust me. I'll find the 15,000 francs.

How are you going to?

-Let's go. -Let's wait for the morning.

ENTRANCE

Once more.

Come on, once more, but stronger!

I can't punch you!

-Yes, just do it! -Let me go.

-Do it! -Leave me!

Hit me!

-Hit me! -No!

Give me a punch!

-Do you really want it? -Yes!

-You asked for it! -Hit me!

Go and find him!

Go get the boss!

Wet it.

Stay seated, if it doesn't get better, I'll call a doctor, okay?

I have something else to sell and I will get some big notes.

Who and how much?

It doesn't matter!

You take 3,000 and we leave and win.

Why are you still thinking? This time it's done.

Yesterday was the same, but the money of the maharajah is gone.

Hey, listen!

You're a fool, you'll end up in trouble because of this rally.

Even if you had that damned car, I wouldn't leave with you.

Cut it out, idiot.

The pilot sends you to hell.

I'd give you the 15,000 francs, but I wouldn't leave with you.

You're crazy, if you want it, go alone.

It's better to live as a hairdresser than a dead driver.

I want to be good with you, I'll give you my lighter

and my pencil case,

and also my watch too.

Sell them all, start and break your bones.

The notebook.

You're feeling better.

Go back to work, change your overalls.

Mark, you're a jerk.

Take it, here it is, your notebook,

the moped is valued at 1,000 francs, the clothes are 1,000 at best.

You're completely crazy.

Here, take this one too, it is worth 10,000.

But next Monday, you'll deal with the boss.

Wait just a moment, I'll get you the coat.

There you go.

Please, have a seat, I'll be with you in a second.

Hello, I'd like to talk to Michelle.

No, I'd like to talk to Michelle.

Hello, Michelle?

No, it's nothing!

Yeah, we should carry the wigs to Mrs. Van de Put immediately.

Yeah.

No, it's nothing!

Call here and ask to get the wigs delivered immediately, got it?

Yeah.

Yes, soon. Got it? Okay.

-What are you doing? -Excuse me, ma'am.

You need to deliver this wig to Mrs. Van de Put immediately.

Sorry, ma'am. Excuse me.

Got it.

-Marc is feeling better and I… -Are you sick now too?

Go when you've finished and come back in half an hour.

Hey sir, can you please hold my moped?

-Are you nuts? -Shut up!

Old witch.

-Well, how much for this original? -It's a good copy.

Copy? This is the original!

You're "original".

Excuse me, will you help me get this mirror in?

-How much? It's original. -Help the lady, the price won't change.

Well.

For the used clothes?

Two hundred francs.

For the used shoes, 100 francs.

For the globe, 100 francs.

For that copy, 300 francs and that makes 900 for everything.

-But it's the original! -Yeah, 900 for all!

How much for the mirror?

-I'll give you my watch too. -The watch?

Yeah.

-Three hundred. -For the watch?

-But it's a real watch! -Yeah, 300.

-No. -No!

How much for the mirror?

No, 350!

-No. -Well, 300.

Okay, 300 francs.

How much for the mirror?

-Be indifferent, like playing poker. -What's your opinion?

Who cares about my opinion?

I'm an old man consumed by work, I'm too good at heart.

Besides, it's not my mirror.

-I have a fantastic moped! -So go and take a ride with it.

You, instead, you grew up in front of the mirror.

First, standing up on your tiptoes to see that nice little face.

Later, to learn how to tie your ribbon.

And it's up to me? It's up to me to say the price?

Here it is. This is the moped.

I'm not finished yet here.

I wouldn't do this price even for my daughter.

Including the projector?

What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for you two to finish so we can leave.

I can't take care of you. I have no time to lose.

What, 1,000 francs? Just for the mirror?

The mirror is worth 300 and the moped 2,000.

I'm paying half of it. If you don't like it…

Okay, whatever, you greedy old man!

That wasn't too bad.

And now let's go for the plait.

Hello. Good morning ma'am, it's me.

Yes, you gave your telephone number.

I have a wonderful red wig. Do you want it?

What? Hello? Okay.

She'll come back home tonight… Very good.

Not earlier? Okay.

I'm sorry. Bye.

You rascal, I'll break your face!

Out!

-Are you mad at me? -Because that's not your business!

But why me?

Calm down and wait for me at the bar.

We'll have a drink and sort this out.

Well, give me a coke.

Better yet, give me a Porto.

No, give me an aperitif.

Yeah, that's it.

No, give me a cocktail.

-Which one, mister? -A cocktail.

For a young lady!

Tenerissimo.

How much do I owe you?

Is that enough?

How did you guess?

I know lots of little things.

Tenerissimo.

And for example, what now?

Another one?

You're not so foolish. Even if you go around with a wig.

It's just a pretext, I guess.

You're not such a fool.

Another one.

The first one has been paid, ma'am.

Thank you.

What can I offer you? Ice cream?

Cakes? Cinema?

Forget the wig, take it, here's the notebook.

-What is it? -Read it, you'll become a racing driver.

-Where are you going? -Don't worry, I'll be back with the money.

-Do you know where the brake pedal is? -I also know where the accelerator is.

Then you drive.

Not bad.

With a Porsche, it would be better.

Because with a Porsche…

Are you hoping I'll add a Porsche to your number plates?

I didn't ask you for anything.

Was it by chance that we met at the fashion show?

Or was it by chance that you had the wig with you?

Sometimes it's good luck, sometimes it's bad.

This time, it was unlucky.

That was your plan!

You smile and when she asks you what you want,

you answer: "I requested a Porsche, but I just have the number plates".

Please, may I ask you to take me back to the fashion show?

Because down there, there's a a friend with a car.

How much do you need?

You know, that doesn't matter anymore.

Does it have to be a Porsche 1600 or a 912?

No, it's a 911 S.

Okay, you come to my place and we'll talk about it quietly.

Try to understand. First of all, I have to win the rally!

Hey.

Can we go now?

It's too late now, the shop is closed.

Yes, I know, but the deposit is my guarantee!

Here's some money, plus these wigs are worth plenty.

-Sorry, what are you saying? -They're worth 10,000 francs!

I'm not denying it.

I want to rent a Porsche, here's the money and the hair.

Is it your sister's or your girlfriend's money?

They're valued at 10,000 francs, call any hairdresser, they'll tell you.

As far as the money's concerned, here it is!

I'm sorry, sir, to rent a car you'd need to be at least 23 years old.

I have a driver's license. Isn't there any other way?

Nothing you can do?

Be careful not to lose your 10,000 francs.

Then, won't you ask me how it went?

-We could go to the cinema. -No!

-I'll steal a car! -Are you crazy?

I'm not crazy, it's the only solution.

That imbecile closed it.

We'll find an unlocked Porsche.

I'm tired!

Fill her up.

Hey, the money!

Give me the money.

Wait for me!

Michelle, wait for me!

Michelle, wait!

-It's over! -Why?

Because a dog is a dog and a car is a car.

What's the matter?

I'm calling the gas station.

Do you want me to talk?

-You know what to say? -Give it to me.

Hello?

My brother has borrowed a car.

Yes, next to you, he found it, there's a dog inside.

It was a stupid prank.

It's not a big crime.

You can inform the owner.

Have a seat, ma'am. Please.

This is a comb.

I have to use it with my right hand.

I have to use it with extreme gentleness.

It has to be lustrous, very lustrous.

Too lustrous.

I have to bear every change in your mood.

I dress in white.

To signify that I'm clean enough to get next to you.

It's my stage costume

and I know my role very well.

-My boss! -Is he coming upstairs?

I don't know what they asked him to do.

-Take this! -Why?

Take it!

-Get in. -Why?

Get in!

-What did you write? -And what do you care?

You could be kind. I'm doing you a favor.

I wrote to my boss that I borrowed his Porsche

to participate in tomorrow's rally with it.

That's what I wrote.

I didn't understand anything written on the notebook.

Wear your helmet!

-Why are you telling me to wear a helmet? -Listen to me, wear it!

Great, we have still some time left.

-We're only 100 meters from the hotel. -We can't spend money.

-If we don't sleep, we are done. -It's you who needs to sleep, go.

Pass, pass…

Shut up, the old women will hear it.

You're a good driver.

-And you? -A good co-driver?

I don't know.

Tomorrow we'll see.

You should be faster in signaling me.

You're very good at saying "attention", "bend",

you pause too much when reading the speed,

but some bends can be…

-Don't think about it. -It's very important.

No.

What's more important?

It's the…

It's the bathroom.

I have nothing to get shaved.

Did you see how I counter steer?

The main thing is to keep your arms extended.

It's by the principle of centrifugal force.

Stop being silly, come here.

Do you want a nut?

Here it is!

Turn off the light.

You're all wet!

In this filthy hotel, there aren't any towels and water is frozen.

Take the suitcase.

Take your sweater off.

Turn round.

You're getting a chance to see me naked.

It was a beautiful day in autumn.

My first dog. Me and my mom fed him by baby's bottle.

Is he still alive?

No. Clearly you haven't had a dog before.

He died a long time ago.

That's my first professional photo, I used to be a model.

-I'm the one on the left, of course. -Are you still a model?

No, now it's over.

I forced myself to dance.

It was half dance and half gym.

-That is my first cover. -And your first bike.

No! We have painted the background.

They told me to wear the hats as well.

This is a make up test.

You'd have been happy!

That is my first appearance in front of a television camera.

The first and the last, for TV.

I was interviewed to know what I thought about a soap.

-Which soap? -Just a soap…

Here, I was becoming aware of the end of my career.

I was sad because for me it was fun,

it was something extraordinary.

There I'm…

-Nothing… -Who is he?

Just a guy.

And what are you doing with him there?

Nothing, it's just a picture, he was a model.

And that one?

Are you sleeping?

Are you asleep? Answer me.

What's happening?

-Nothing. -Didn't you wake up?

No.

Get up.

Get up!