Original subtitles

Isn't my husband a bit young for a death bond?

It's a very generous idea.

It's just in case.

I'm not planning to die yet.

My husband said that too but he died anyway.

On the 10th, a Visa payment at the Moby Dick…

I don't get it.

That wasn't me. Maybe it was my husband.

The Moby Dick…

That's a club for…

A deposit of 152,000 euros.

That's nice. You still trust banks.

I mean… it's kind to deposit it with us.

With his insurance, I was able to keep going.

He can be proud where he is now.

You only meet a man like that once in a lifetime.

You're lucky to have met yours.

Ready to sign?

The more you have, the more you can lose.

The stock market is volatile.

A company invests, its stocks fall.

A new market, the stock falls too.

When things are good, they're bad. And bad is bad.

It's horrible learning

your husband frequents a swingers' club.

Some very fine people go there.

You know places like that?

Mine got through a whole box of tissues!

Over a flighty husband.

Maybe I know him from the Moby Dick.

You go there too?

We can't get all relief in churches.

You just can't imagine a couple being fulfilled.

If you aren't into sex, married life is perfect!

Some women can climax

without banging a stranger among the trashcans.

The trashcans are too much but it's vivid.

You bitches are ganging up on me. Thanks a lot!

I'd kill my guy if he went there.

Mine was no swinger but he died all the same.

Stop it! You know I hate that kind of humor.

I preferred you five years ago when you kept crying.

That's kind.

Break over?

Back to the mill!

Penny? We'll be there in 50 minutes, an hour tops.

Relax, it's just her birthday party.

And it'll be no surprise.

Don't be a drag. The caterer?

He just came.

Great!

Want to come to step aerobics? It's very relaxing.

No way, I hate sport.

You could meet someone there too.

Stop matchmaking with Penny.

I don't want to meet anyone. It's simple.

Why?

I had Yves, I lost him. I've moved on.

You've moved on to what?

Nothing.

I met Prince Charming. He's in heaven, I'm down here.

Let's change the subject. I want to enjoy my surprise party.

Surprise!

Thank you.

Happy birthday to you…

Penny! A speech!

Honey, you're radiant, you're gorgeous…

I'll keep it brief.

So…

It's an honor for me to present you with this gift

from all of us here.

For those pretending to know without having chipped in…

I see you.

It's three days at the Hotel Normandy

and a VIP pass

for the Deauville Contemporary Art Biennale!

Thank you.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

The booking's in my name.

We got the bank's rate and didn't want you finding out.

I can be Isabelle de Casteljane for three days

unless I have to dress like you.

Lousy joke.

I know.

We really went to town for you.

A sea-view suite…

Better than a room.

I love you. Thanks, girls.

You don't deserve it but hey.

Think she'll like it?

What?

The present or…

the "present"?

-You didn't? -We did!

We only talked about it.

We did it.

I adored Yves. I introduced them.

But she has a huge block.

And a block requires unblocking.

Sending her a guy will do that?

We've tried everything.

Her problem is having us around.

A guy you pay to… a woman, there's a name for that.

A holiday romance!

And I'm not paying him. He's a client.

With an overdraft like his, he couldn't refuse.

It was that or I froze his account. See what I mean?

-That's immoral! -Yeah.

Like all good things.

It's for her good. It's like therapy.

-You think so? -Of course.

I sent him Alice's photo with her tastes:

painting, literature, music…

He'll play it like a chance encounter.

They'll live out what they need to live out and then…

Hasta luego, baby.

He nets her just like that?

Yes, or the bailiff nets him.

Don't worry, he's pure class.

He'll offer her a brief romantic fling

and our pumpkin will turn into a princess.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Thank you.

Madam?

I have a reservation.

Your name, please?

Casteljane.

Isabelle de Casteljane.

Room 191.

A suite with a sea view. You'll be very happy there.

When is breakfast served?

At any time.

-You scared me. -I'm sorry.

Don't sneak up on me!

I was just telling you about the charms of this place.

Right?

You can even order your favorite dish at 4 a.m. Which is?

Blood sausage and mash.

I see…

Do you work here?

No, I'm a guest too.

An excellent ambassador.

But this gentleman can help me.

I didn't introduce myself.

Benoît Giraud, gallery owner. Not very original…

Isabelle…

De Casteljane. I heard your name at reception.

I noticed you're a good listener.

Not always.

I think we're neighbors.

I imagine I'll see you at the Biennale.

Read through the contract and, if you agree, sign it for me.

I don't think you'll find better at the current rates.

-Thank you. -Goodbye, Mr. Maillart.

Hold on, just a second!

Well?

Yeah?

That's great!

No? A ten-euro tip?

You'll need to win at the casino at that rate!

Isa's here. I'll put the speaker on.

Hi! How's it going?

Where are you?

In the bathroom, about to take a bath.

Has she met anyone?

So, otherwise, I mean have you…

have you met anyone?

What do you mean, met anyone?

I don't know, people… The people you see around.

Well, no.

Oh, yes, I spoke to a guy.

And?

That's all.

Right, I can't chat all day.

I'm going to the Biennale.

I'm not missing you!

Yeah, screw you!

We love you too!

What's he waiting for?

In one hour, he's already approached her!

I didn't ask him to rape her!

That's true.

Your Highness…

You're such a pretty sight in your foam dress…

Where are you going?

Today I'm going to the Biennale.

I'm going to see a few paintings…

-I'm sorry. Let me help you. -It's all right.

My grandmother always said,

"Kitten, when you do something wrong, you make up for it."

Really, it's not necessary.

While we're talking about it, we can get it done.

No, ok, spotted.

What do I think? Just like the photo.

I think…

I can wrap it all up by tomorrow.

Sorry.

-I'll call you back. -I don't believe it!

Let me see to it.

Sit down, please.

-That's an Eero Schmidstrom chair. -Whose chair?

-Eero Schmidstrom's. -I'll give it back.

-He died 15 years ago. -After then.

I really don't know what to say.

Let me send you a new pair.

No, it's all right.

What are you doing?

Checking you're ok.

I'm fine.

What is this? The Neanderthal Biennale?

No.

Why?

Ready to order, madam?

I'd like the royal platter

but it may be too much for one.

Could I have a half-platter?

We have a platter for one.

But without clams and crab…

No woman should be deprived of clams and crab.

A royal platter for the lady.

Very good, sir.

And two glasses of champagne, please.

Very good, sir.

May I?

What?

Sit down.

Oh, no!

That's pretty direct.

Not you, something worse.

Go ahead. Settle down at my table.

No clams and crab without me.

I owe you that at least. Jacques Delboise.

Alice Lecorre.

Shit…

Not a dish for lovers.

Really? Are you specialized in romantic gastronomy?

I can barely see you.

You're beautiful

but from here you could be a fisherman.

Break this and stop being silly.

Here.

Thank you.

I'm breaking a lot.

Sugar cubes, your crab…

My heels too…

The ice.

The ice?

Useless, I know.

-Sorry. -Yes, useless.

It stinks.

It's fryer oil.

You don't change it often.

I don't have to let you have it.

In theory, you should change it every ten uses

or it's bad for engines.

So use diesel fuel.

Diesel? Are you serious?

What about the environment?

I care about our children's future!

I don't have kids.

It's just an expression.

Save the bears, save the dolphins… You don't care?

No kids, no bear, no dolphins…

You, it's just fries and nothing else.

Back already?

I got off to a great start…

-Shit… -I swear. I was really subtle.

Forget it.

Without this fever,

I wouldn't ask you to seduce her for me.

You think I can't seduce a woman?

On Mom's life…

Leave Mom out of this.

But without that other guy, I'd have netted your banker.

Another guy got her?

He broke her heel, see.

He had an advantage.

A raving nympho will freeze my account if I don't unblock her friend

and you let a guy steal her… Give me my meds.

To kill yourself?

To bring the fever down!

I've been thinking.

If it works with him, your banker may be more sympathetic.

Maybe she'll even think it was you.

Did you think of that?

You crippled me for this?

I was talking to my partner,

discussing whether to buy it… I'm sorry.

For the love of artists…

No, of art. Artists are terrible.

Ego trips, miserliness, extreme susceptibility…

So you can run a gallery the way…

you can love bread and hate bakers.

Or meat and pork butchers

but I prefer bakers.

That's a cute metaphor.

Feel like getting some air?

Some air?

Yes.

I'll show you the lights of Le Havre.

You'll see.

It's like a giant Kandinsky.

What if it rains?

If it rains, it'll remind us of Monet.

And if it's misty?

Turner.

And if it snows?

Ski slopes?

Cold? Want to go back?

This never happened before.

Not that old routine?

No, I only use that trick when the car really breaks down.

So let's see what you have under your hood.

Look at this… Your spark plugs.

They're all fouled up.

And next time you have it serviced,

get them to change the jets for you.

Incredible. You know mechanics?

You're such a macho! I like engines.

I didn't mean anything. Calm down.

You'd look good in overalls on a calendar.

Sure, in the cab of a truck.

Start it up and stop ogling me.

Ogling you?

I wasn't ogling you.

Right…

You have some grease there…

What now?

I don't know. A nightcap maybe?

Where?

In your room.

Oh, come on…

Wonderful. All that's missing is blood sausage and mash.

You want that too, madam?

Thank you, I have what I need.

Leave that, I'll see to it. Thank you.

Thank you.

"When Pieter de Hooch arrived in Delft in 1654…"

"When Pieter de Hooch arrived in Delft…"

"When Pieter de Hooch arrived in Delft in 1654…"

There…

That's better.

Cheers!

I love this. Who painted it?

A young artist. Totally unknown but he blows me away.

Is he expensive?

I know, that's crass. And devoid of interest.

It's the banker in me.

It's worth the cost of the gouache for now, 500 euros maybe.

I'm speculating, it's the banker in me…

It gives off something strong.

Really?

The paint smells a little but it should be dry by now.

Try to be serious!

Could I borrow it tonight?

What?

My mechanical skills for a night with your painting.

If you want to spend the night with it, sleep here.

It's better to meet tomorrow.

Let's have lunch.

I have meetings all day tomorrow.

Here.

Thank you.

The hotel bar at 7 p.m.?

All right.

They're not playing our tune…

Are you asleep?

No. Never at 3 a.m.

Sorry, I had to talk to someone.

And I got lucky.

I'll play the lottery tomorrow.

-Guess what. -What?

I think I'm in love!

No?

But… Who with?

A man… A handsome, charming man…

A bit uncouth but…

entrancing. Get the idea?

No… But…

How come? I mean… Where did you find him?

Yesterday, at the Biennale. Actually, he wrecked my shoe.

And you fell in love. Only natural.

Yes, but to apologize, he bought me dinner.

We spent the evening together

and we've just said goodnight…

And you didn't… I mean, you didn't…

No, almost.

So talking about love is a bit hasty.

Isa, this hasn't happened since Yves!

Alice, calm down.

You sound like a teenager eager to lose her cherry.

But everything fits. We like the same things.

He loves art, literature, white wine,

seafood and even mayonnaise.

Can you believe it?

Alice…

I had to tell someone. I'm sorry.

Love you. Go to sleep.

Too late for that.

Take care.

Pick up the phone!

Message!

Penny, we have a huge problem.

Just a second!

Come in.

Your breakfast, madam.

Good morning, madam.

There's a parcel for you.

You must be mistaken.

It's from Mr. Delboise.

He'll meet you at the bar at 7 p.m. as agreed.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Sorry…

Thank you, madam.

The beauty salon?

Not any better?

I don't get it. I took the whole box.

Was that stuff any good?

It cured me in '99 for Gran's birthday.

Shit, '99? You gave me outdated meds?

It's like fresh cream, there's a margin.

At worst, you fall sick.

Sorry.

Get some fresh stuff.

You're riddled with germs now.

Go to the pharmacy!

By the way…

Got your health card?

Your Visa card neither?

I've been calling all night!

Sorry, I was on Internet. I didn't hear the phone.

What do we do now?

A romantic interlude? It's a disaster!

He'll dump her like an old sock.

She'll be a wreck!

Stop exaggerating.

Cut it out! She's fallen in love with a decoy.

Ok, go back but do exactly as I told you.

You know me.

If the other guy's there, call me and we'll adapt.

We'll adapt.

All right, here's a little advice

on how to charm a woman.

Attraction is a subtle thing.

Get yourself noticed. Not with words but with body language.

What?

Body language.

-Is that American? -Who cares! Your body talks.

First a fleeting smile, nothing showy.

A circular smile to the whole room.

No need to remake The Exorcist.

Aim for contact, not a stiff neck.

No stiff necks…

Shit…

You're great in a crisis!

I'm glad I wasn't on the Titanic with you!

Good morning.

Morning.

I'll call you, baby.

Weren't you on Internet all night?

When he calls, he says his name's Internet Yann…

Whichever way you look at it, we screwed up.

We have to warn her before it's too late.

So call her.

Why me?

You said "we".

"We" means I'm not alone.

We'll toss for it.

Don't bother.

I'm made for tragedy.

Voicemail. Now what?

We tell her.

Alice, it's Penny. I'm here with Isa and…

Honey, you'll love this…

The guy you met last night… How can I put this?

He's not what you think.

Forget the smile.

It's important to listen.

Women love an interested guy.

Interested in her soul. What do you listen with?

My ears.

No, your eyes.

And my ears?

Ears don't express anything.

But you need to work on an attentive look.

Watch this.

Now you try it.

Why isn't she answering?

I'm in no rush to get yelled at.

Maybe she's said she loves him and called the bank to resign…

He'll rob her blind and pimp her out.

You win, I'll get him to back off.

Good idea.

Not answering?

They'll leave a message. Where were we?

Sensual and carnal pleasure.

Yes, very important.

Brush her skin when you talk to her, in a subtle way.

Go on, I'll be the woman.

So… you work… in sales?

That's good. But let go of her after.

Let's take a break. I'll check that message.

-A problem? -No idea. It's the nympho.

Shit…

"Call it off. No frozen account."

Shit, God exists, brother! My head's back above water!

It's over. We pack up and head back to Paris.

Hurry and we'll beat the traffic.

-What about me? -What about you?

I know I can seduce her.

There's no need to do it anymore.

But I've learned all this.

Painting for Dummies, her favorite wine and book…

There's no need now. Forget it. Pack your bag.

I don't want to forget it.

Shit, brother, listen. I screwed up, ok.

I had a fever, you insisted and I sent you to the front.

David, why do you always get the final word?

Why were you Mom and Dad's favorite?

We aren't doing therapy here!

I'm staying.

I'll visit Normandy, make the most of it.

Fine. I'll take the train.

That way I won't stink of fries.

I'll call you.

David…

Yvan, the client asked to me stop so I'm complying with that.

That's all.

Comply away….

No complying here!

-Hello. -Hello, madam.

A dress in the window might go…

with these.

Very good.

Haven't we met?

Of course…

I saw you at the Biennale. That was you, right?

I recognized you.

We could have a drink. I don't mind if we do.

You neither?

You can do it, Carlotti.

Yes, you can.

Is it too much?

Almost not enough on you.

Alice, it's Penny. Honey, you'll love this…

The guy you met last night… He's not what you think.

Actually, he's one of my clients.

I asked him to… to give you a good time…

-Are you all right? -Leave me alone.

Do we have to meet here?

Give me a break.

When men let me down, animals console me.

It's nice here.

Sure… But each bust-up means a new animal attraction.

First greyhound racing, then canine grooming…

What next? The Paris zoo?

Look how he dumped me!

"We're thru. Best 2 U."

It's horrible.

Badly written, yes.

Screw that! I'm suffering.

You're not suffering, you're wallowing.

Deep down, you enjoy bust-ups.

Thanks. Just call me twisted!

You are a little…

I'm not sure I'm the best person to comfort you…

I'm confiding in my partner, not my ex-husband.

It's Isa.

You got our message?

Yes, thanks a lot.

Really?

Thanks for the way you see me.

Some washed-up chick just good enough…

to get herself banged by…

a debtor!

We're sorry…

We just called him. He won't bother you again.

I'm going to hang up or I'll only insult you.

Bitches!

I'm scared she'll do something stupid…

Enough talk about me.

It's very interesting but you're not listening.

What's up?

I met someone. Don't laugh.

No kidding?

I knew it, she's laughing.

We won't laugh for long.

She'll end up dumping you.

We'll end up here, sobbing in front of the nags.

Can't you be positive for once? I'd like that.

Hey, it wasn't me who said I was through with love.

You know I never keep my word.

What's her name? A name says it all.

Alice. Pretty name, huh?

Alice…

Malice…

You'll introduce me?

Sure. Why not? That way, you can hate her.

I already hate her.

Housekeeping!

Sorry, I'll come back.

No, go ahead.

-Are you all right? -I'm fine.

No, I'm not fine.

Can I help?

Not really.

Well, yes, I'd like to talk.

-The thing is… -Please.

I finish in five minutes. I'll come back.

Wait!

Can you bring some liquor?

Try the minibar.

I need a big bar!

There are other fish in the sea.

But I lost two prize catches.

And call me Alice.

It's not easy.

You're such a lady.

I mean, look at your shoes…

-These? -Yes.

-You like them. -You bet!

Well… You can have them.

You're serious?

In fact…

What are you doing?

I'm splitting. I'm not staying in this dump a minute longer.

I'll be going…

No, stay here.

After I pack, we'll go dancing.

You must know a place in this hole of a town.

-I know a Cuban bar. -There you go!

I'll just check.

Jacques.

Excuse me.

I may have a buyer for the Werler. Where is it?

I loaned it for the night.

-Who to? -To Alice.

I'll call you back.

What?

A 50,000-euro painting? To a stranger?

I was touched she liked it without knowing its value.

So it was a romantic gesture…

You're still an idiot!

You realize you're totally irresponsible?

Shall we go?

-You're dumping that? -That daub? You bet.

If it's like the shoes, I'll have it.

Treat yourself.

My trash is yours!

Cool.

Maybe I can sell it.

Sure, sell it.

The room was paid for for two nights.

Yes, I'm leaving a room that did me no harm.

That's life.

Anything from the minibar?

We emptied it out. Every last bottle.

But not the nuts. They're fattening.

-Here you are. -Thank you.

Quite a sum…

The booking was made with a card?

Yes, Mrs. de Casteljane. Yours.

Charge it to that. Every penny.

Very good. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Alice? It's Pénélope. We wanted…

A, I hate you both.

B, I don't want to see you again.

If I do, I'll rip your nails out.

C, I hope I see you

so I can rip you nails out!

Friends…

Close friends.

I hope this bar's good.

Sure, stupid.

There you go…

You're less formal outside the hotel. I like it.

-You told me to be. -I know.

Hello. Could you ask Ms. Alice Lecorre to meet me at the bar?

Sorry, sir, there's no Alice Lecorre here.

That's impossible. Please check. Room 191.

The lady in that room had a different name

but she just checked out in a rush.

She didn't know the painting's value?

It's not that we don't get on. We get on really well.

But since he proposed, I'm scared.

He's my kind of guy but he may not be Mr. Right…

Some women are Mrs. Right for the wrong Mr. Right.

That's supposed to reassure me?

Get married. To divorce, you need to marry.

So…

I was married and loved it.

-Yeah? -Except the end.

Love at first sight, bike crash in the end.

We wasted no time.

Mojitos for your wedding?

Excuse me…

Mojito…

Two mojitos, please.

-That's funny. -What?

That weird guy there… I met him at the Biennale.

Why's he moving like that?

No idea. Maybe he has a stiff neck.

A stiff jaw too apparently.

That's funny. He has my favorite book.

-He stole it? -No, not my personal copy!

But my favorite book ever.

-What's it about? -Love.

-It's a thick one. -The subject requires it.

Thank you.

-Incredible… -What?

The weird guy… On top of reading my favorite book,

he asked for my favorite song.

That is funny.

A Smith Haut Lafitte!

Unbelievable…

Don't tell me…

It's true.

None left? A glass of house white.

It's crazy.

I don't believe in signs but all this…

What's your favorite food?

Blood sausage and mash.

-Are you serious? -Yes.

Hard to find in a Cuban bar…

Why did you lie about its value?

I didn't want to sound pompous,

stifling her with my dough.

She knew who you and your Werler were anyway.

You spared her a break-in.

Wake up, Jacques! You didn't meet by chance.

I bumped into her.

No, she made sure you did. You met a cat burglar.

She used an alias. What more do you need?

I can't be totally wrong about that woman.

I've always been wrong about men.

Maybe I should have stayed with you.

You should have said that when I wanted you back.

The state I'd put you in, you weren't very appetizing.

It's late and I have to start early tomorrow, so…

Where will you sleep? It's late to find a hotel.

I don't know. I'll see. I don't really think I care.

I'll leave you my number.

You can stay with me if you need to.

That's sweet. Thank you.

Thank you, for the painting and the shoes.

-It's nothing. -I love them.

They're out of Smith Haut Lafitte so I got the house white instead.

Is the ankle better?

Yes. The pain's moved to another spot.

I see…

It's incredible, that's my bedside book.

I heard you order wine and it was my…

Your bedside wine!

That's crazy.

I think it's the best in the tetralogy.

The vino?

The novel.

Yes, the best in the whole team.

It's your favorite of the four?

Yeah, it's a tetralogy.

Like Lionel Messi in soccer

when he scores three goals…

Corner, free kick, penalty or off side, it's the same.

It's a tetralogy.

I love this tune.

I asked for it.

-Leo? -Feline.

Shall we dance?

Is this a mistake?

We'll talk about that afterwards.

This is weird.

You bet.

I don't feel anything…

Five minutes ago, it was all I wanted, now I don't feel like it.

It's me.

No, it's not you.

It's her.

So what do we do?

What do they say?

Unlucky in love, lucky at cards.

The casino?

Want me to come?

One must remain

dignified in adversity,

alone in redemption.

When Pieter de Hooch arrives in Delft in 1654,

who can say that he and Vermeer will meet? Who?

No one. Except for Wikipedia.

Yes, no one.

You have to agree that they both contributed

to founding a new style of painting

by reproducing the realistic play of light and…

Shit!

What's that thing called?

Light without light…

Chiaroscuro?

Yes, chiaroscuro, exactly.

Place your bets.

No more bets.

Are you staying all the Biennale?

It's too long to explain.

Go on, tell me.

You won't believe me.

I love listening. Go on.

-Really? -Yes.

Last night, I met a man by chance.

Well, by chance…

Nine, red, odd and manque.

The six came up! Shit!

Don't try screwing me over!

Sir, please…

What? Touch your own ass, you!

I win, I pocket the lot!

I'm calling security.

No need, I feel totally secure…

Security, intervention…

Intervention. Can you lend me…

There, now you know everything.

A loser.

But he was such a charming man…

I want to play!

He seemed so…

refined…

tactful…

distinguished…

I'm stronger than you!

Shocking, isn't it? A man doing that for a bank deal.

Can you imagine it?

Yes.

Well, no.

When I found out, I left

and I ended up here.

Yeah.

I'm glad I met you.

Yes, it's…

A real man to talk to.

Yes, it's…

You have your flaws

but you're sincere.

Not like that faker.

Right.

Are you ok?

It happened to me, not you.

Yes…

No, it's not…

-I'd like another glass. -No.

-Why not? -It costs a bomb!

It's my treat.

Ok, a bottle of champagne!

Usually, I stay at the Normandy but it was full.

I have to warn you.

It's been a few years since I… See what I mean?

I understand.

But it's like riding a bike.

I don't want to sound clichéd but…

I don't think I'm quite ready.

Thinking of that loser?

Of course not!

But I think I have a totally negative self-image.

My friends keep going on

about my mental blocks, about how I need unblocking…

I don't know…

You don't fancy me.

I do. Well…

It's not that. No, it's not that but…

I don't know where I am anymore.

Don't worry.

It'll all be fine.

I think I'll go.

There are two beds, ok.

That's true.

A woman in my bed for once and I sleep in the other one.

Thank you.

I want to see the inspector!

Shut the hell up!

You have a PR agency, right?

Yeah, you know…

advertising, marketing, all that.

What's it called?

Pilling.

Pilling? Odd name for a PR agency.

Pilling… Like the pilling on a sweater?

Yes, like on a sweater.

I really like sweaters.

I'm a sweater freak.

Carlotti!

Name just one Rembrandt painting!

I don't know. Mona Lisa?

Who's this?

I can't see… It's you.

Do you think I'm stupid?

-You're the loser taking care of me? -I don't know.

That hurts.

And this?

I replaced my brother, see. Just to help him out.

Is Carlotti your real name?

Yeah. Mine and my brother's.

It's all true, except my love of painting.

See this?

I can't say if it's real or fake.

Really.

Well, normally,

if Van Gogh's sunflowers are in a hotel room,

they're not genuine.

You have a good eye.

This is wonderful!

What is?

That you're the loser.

Jacques was sincere.

That makes me feel so good!

Me too.

Get dressed!

We'll find Jacques.

Sonia, it's Alice. You have to call me.

I need that painting urgently. I'll explain.

Get dressed. We find Jacques and you explain everything.

In your dreams. I'm not up to it.

I'm up to slapping you again.

I have to find that man.

You're coming or I'll rip your eyes out…

We're going!

Fine.

Take care.

Sorry. I never usually drink.

Because you're not married.

That must be why.

Do I smell fries?

Maybe I can take a look at your engine.

It's normal, my car smells of oil, just like me!

You have a negative self-image too?

You think that's funny. Yeah, I'm a tightwad.

I won't pay a fortune for fuel.

So I use oil, as if I was green, but I'm just tight.

No, Carlotti.

You just haven't found a cause to be generous for.

Sorry, madam, there's no reply from Mr. Delboise's room.

Could I see Sonia? She cleaned my room.

Yes, of course.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Mikalef called in sick this morning.

Her replacement?

No, it's ok. Thank you.

What do we do now?

He'll be at the Biennale.

You don't have his cell?

No, I don't! You're such a drag, Carlotti!

I'm sorry?

Classy guy.

That's not exactly comforting.

Come on, don't take it badly.

But think about it…

He came onto me, I left

and he finds another.

I'm a dumb bitch.

Yeah.

-Sorry. -Stop insulting me!

I made a mess of everything and stink of fries thanks to you.

A little. Wait in my car. Let me investigate.

Investigate what?

Maybe she's his sister. Let old Carlotti handle it.

Old Carlotti… Thanks a lot.

No arguing from now on. I'm the boss, ok.

Do what you want. I don't care.

Who do I press charges against? Alice Lecorre? Isabelle de Casteljane?

Who cares. Go to the cops. We can't just ignore this.

Ok, I'll go but it's no use.

We'll never find her.

What are you doing?

I'm meeting Benoît Giraud in a couple of hours.

What? He wants to talk shop.

Yes, sir?

Well?

She's meeting a Benoît Giraud.

He's selling her a shop.

I met him at the Normandy. He's a gallery owner. And?

That's all.

What about Jacques and her?

I've no idea.

You must be totally dumb, Carlotti.

I'm sorry?

I told you what I heard. I'm kind, I help

and you insult me?

I'm sorry, I'm on edge!

I have a favor to ask.

No, no more favors.

I'm done.

A tiny one.

No way.

-What? -Nothing.

What's that look for?

You should dress better. It suits you.

I don't know how I should take that.

You have 45 minutes to grill her.

Find out everything about her and Jacques.

I need to get warmed up…

She's not an easy prey. She's a classy woman.

How should I take that?

Don't get upset.

You have the spark.

But she gets the engine roaring.

I'll wait for you in your fries truck.

Describe your thief.

She's very tall. At least 5'10''.

-Hair color? -Brown.

Build?

Slim.

What can I get you, sir?

-Strawberry milk. -Very good, sir.

High cheekbones… Well, not too high…

And she has…

she has teeth that are charmingly out of line.

Only a little…

But charming.

And her smile…

Her smile is so broad…

you think the light changes around her.

You see?

You're not noting this?

I am.

You're wondering whether to speak to me or not.

It's my melancholy side.

No.

It is. I know. It's often like that with men.

I'm Hélène.

That's good.

Yes, it's good. Let's say that.

And you?

Yvan.

Yvan's pretty…

It's…

romantic. It's Slavic.

It's Cossack.

You don't realize right away but her lip movements

are in harmony with her ears. That's odd, isn't it?

Did I mention her ears?

No!

CONTEMPORARY ART BIENNALE

Come on, Carlotti! It's urgent!

Not answering?

Excuse me. It's my secretary. That's why…

Who cares?

Yoko, I'm in a meeting.

You have five minutes! Giraud's on his way!

You're paid to handle the Koreans.

What can I do?

You do your job, I'll do mine. Improvise.

It's so hard to find a decent assistant…

You're not alone here?

I am. Well, no.

I'm with my ex-husband.

Ex for ages, husband for a while.

Really?

We're partners now.

Partners… That's great!

Yes.

I'm sorry!

You're Benoît! May I call you Benoît?

That hurt. You scared me too.

I'm so sorry.

May I buy you coffee to apologize?

I'm meeting someone…

Please, just ten minutes.

And her eyes…

They shift from brown to black.

Deep black. I swear it's true.

It's irresistible.

Is that enough?

To find her, I mean.

Are you sure you want to press charges?

Yes. Why?

With the reflections, it's like a giant Kandinsky.

But when the sun's out, it's…

Isabelle…

Tell me the truth. Your name's not Isabelle.

It is.

Are you sure?

No. But how do you know?

You ran into me on purpose.

You did it to bring me here?

You're…

an escort girl seeking custom?

I'm not against the idea. But I wasn't fooled for long.

You're seductive, you're charming…

And you know how to talk to men.

Do you find me…

Don't act naïve with me.

Your technique is perfect.

My technique?

When we first met,

you were cold, offhand even.

First the lash, then the caress… Not a bad idea.

Men love resistance.

Well, yes, that's my technique.

I'm busy tonight but I could see you tomorrow.

You name the price.

Well…

Goodbye, Isabelle.

Alice.

She just left…

with a painting?

Not any painting, a Werler.

Worth 50,000 euros.

-How much? -50,000.

Fuck me sideways!

Something wrong?

I'm fine.

Can we see each other again?

What for?

I'll be frank. You're different.

Fresh, natural.

Organic.

Organic?

Hello.

Benoît…

Benoît, this is Yvan…

Sorry, I have something to do…

My number.

How are you?

-Want good or bad news? -Good.

Only natural.

Her name's Hélène and she's his ex-wife.

They're just partners.

Jacques is mad about you and loves you.

What's the bad news? He likes motorbikes?

No, it's the…

painting…

That's all?

Oh, Carlotti!

No need to panic over 500 euros.

Five hundred euros, no…

She's done something stupid.

Voicemail doesn't spell suicide.

Maybe we went too far.

Speed up, we're dawdling.

I'm at 100 mph!

We're dawdling at 100 mph.

Wasn't that our exit?

Shit! You made me miss it!

We have to do another 20 miles now!

Ok. Thank you, Sonia.

Sonia gave the painting to an auction house.

We'll go there, explain things to the auctioneer

and get the painting back.

Why didn't he say it was so valuable?

Because he's tactful.

If I have a 50-grand painting, I have to tell the dame!

Like I said, he's tactful.

Sorry, but you can say it tactfully.

Fifty grand.

There.

That's tactful.

Could you please tell us which room Isabelle de Casteljane is in?

Sorry, Mrs. de Casteljane has left us.

God, she's dead!

No, she vacated her room.

So all we can do is fish her body out of the sea.

Where's the coastguard?

Isa, calm down! Come on.

-What do we do now? -We think!

Think without me! I'll call her again.

Could I see the auctioneer?

This painting isn't for sale.

Of course, but don't touch the lots.

Follow me, please.

Stay right here.

Yes, Isabelle. No…

The thing is…

She's at an auction and she hates us.

What a relief. Isabelle de Casteljane didn't kill herself.

Excuse me… Do you know Isabelle de Casteljane?

Yes, that's me. Do I know you?

I know a woman impersonating you.

We know her, it's ok.

You interest me.

Likewise.

Why does Isabelle interest you?

They want Sonia to confirm it.

So what now?

I'll get her here but, in the meantime,

stick to that painting, ok?

We can always buy it. No one here knows its value.

You know what?

I'll buy it for you.

You said I'd be generous for the right cause.

That cause is you. I'll help you the way people help the whales.

You're my whale.

I'm delighted to be your whale.

If I was unpleasant, please forgive me.

-That's ok. -No.

Deep down, you're a gentleman.

To think I thought she was… I don't dare say the word.

That's not her style. Unless a lot has changed in 48 hours.

Jacques!

I have news of Alice.

Me too. She offered her services to Benoît Giraud!

She's not only a thief, she's a hooker.

So a lot has changed.

Who are you?

The hooker's colleagues!

Is that supposed to be funny?

Sonia… It's Alice. I left you ten messages already.

You have to call me. It's urgent.

Thank you.

Isabelle de Casteljane?

Yes. Well, more or less.

-Come with us, please. -But why?

It's all a misunderstanding.

I have two friends…

Two friends, so to speak…

who wanted to offer me a man, so to speak,

at the Normandy.

For my birthday. A guy with a frozen account…

I fell in love, thought it was him

but it wasn't, he was a real gentleman.

Not the one with the car smelling of fries.

Anyhow, the other man, the one who isn't Jacques…

I didn't know he was my present, the one with the frozen account.

Actually, it was his brother

because he had a fever that day.

When I gave Sonia the painting,

it was a fake guy's painting,

since I thought Jacques was Carlotti, or his brother…

That's when it got complicated.

Lot 69.

A contemporary painting, illegible signature,

starting price, 100 euros.

101!

You don't believe me?

I do.

Why?

In that case…

-Well? -It's started.

Seven thousand.

Seven thousand to my right.

Where's Sonia? I'm blowing my savings.

7,100.

7,100 on my left!

Alice…

The bid is to my left.

We need to talk.

Sorry, I'm a bit busy.

I can explain.

7,200.

-8,000. -8,000 to my left.

No need. Your friends explained.

-What friends? -The ones with my ex-wife.

8,100. The lady at the back.

-8,200. -9,000.

9,000 on my left.

This is absurd! The painting's yours.

I know but this is fun.

9,000 euros, going…

What do you expect of me?

10,000!

-11,000. -11,000 on my left.

Excuse me.

Madam, I'm working!

Ladies and gentlemen, please forgive me.

My name's Alice Lecorre.

I lost my husband five years ago.

And, since then, I've stopped believing in…

I didn't think I'd love again.

But then I met a man and I started to hope once more.

That man is called Jacques and he's here now.

So, Jacques…

I wanted to tell you

I'm sorry for what happened

and if…

if you can forgive me,

I'd like…

to spend the rest of my life with you.

It's not my fault we broke down!

For God's sake! Late for my husband's wedding!

They'll think I did it on purpose.

It's not my fault.

Ditch this crate and buy a real car!

We can't, honey.

Don't mention saving the planet, we all know you don't care.

Why do you say that?

We missed it! And I stink of fries too!

It's mainly your eyes.

There's something tender there

along with a passion

held back by your modesty.

You may be a good-looking guy but it's just not possible.

Your pick-up technique sucks. Sorry.

Nerd.

I missed your wedding…

Yes, but you've never had much success with marriages.

That's funny. You're in shape.

Hello. I'm so sorry.

It's all right. That's us hitched. How about you?

We'll do a quiet thing with just two witnesses…

Or it'll cost too much!

That's not true…

That guy's not bad-looking.

Penny, set some limits. That's the priest.

I didn't recognize him without his frock.

Fantasizing about him is a sacrilege.

Too bad priests still can't marry.

The Vatican's so behind the times…

You're desperate.

You're right.

Got to go. See you later.

Be honest. Your name's not really Christine.

It is.

Of course.

Have you fixed your honeymoon?

-Venice? -No.

-Florence? -No.

-New York? -No.

London?

I know, I've got it…

The Caribbean.

I'd like some blood sausage and mash.

Really? I had something else in mind.

You did?

That's possible too.

That's possible?

Cool…