Original subtitles

Run! Hurry, let's run! Let's run! Come on!

Oh fuck!

Hessdalen was a completely ordinary Norwegian mountain valley

until the inhabitants discovered inexplicable lights in the sky

-Do you see that? -Oh my gosh!

I'm filming it!

I got it on tape.

Scientists from all over the world have sought out this valley,

but the lights remain a mystery…

So, my name is Stine Lyongo.

I operate the Hessdalen Observatory, which

Yeah, Stine? That's great.

But, like, what's really going on here?

I need something, uh…

-Yes? -Little more…

Maybe we should mention

that I'm the first female administrator at the observatory?

Maybe that could be an… interesting angle?

Angle.

Yeah. Let's change the angle, and we'll go right at it.

Sources say science has apparently fallen flat

here at Hessdalen.

-No, we're right at the epicenter of -Despite theories on the Internet.

Even including aliens.

So, tell us your favorite theory.

The bioluminescent reaction for microorganisms

Cool. You hear that, guys?

Super exciting.

So keep on watching.

Learn something new every time with Smartweek.

Uh, promo code is "MysteryLady," in one word.

You know that.

Keepin' it fun.

Okay, guys, this is it. The cave.

We're going in.

We're goin' in. Yeah?Yeah.

I'm down.

Very exciting stuff.

Hmm. That's weird.

Huh?

Uh, what's weird?

What the hell?

Hold this.

Okay.

Yeah. So we're looking at some stones.

Ooh. What's that?

Fuck.

Like and subscribe, guys.

Uh, Mystery Lady is here… investigating a mystery.

Uh, maybe we should go.

Go… further in.

Yeah. So, um, guys, we found some kind of… room.

Oh fuck.

This keeps getting better and better.

Green goop.

Here's some green goop.

Maybe it's…

Could be spider goop.

Stine. Stine?

Hello?

Hi?

Okay.

How many fingers?

Five? Good.

Really good.

Oh my God. Okay.

Okay, guys.

This is an insane fucking mystery, man. I don't know what's happening.

Stine?

Bam!

Can I have…?

For you. Don't panic.

For you too.

-Oh, hi. -Hey. Hi, chief.

So why exactly are you here today, Kasper Kielland?

You… feel that I am… unique.

That I have the scoop on ideas… Shit!

Oh, fuck. Sorry.

Fuckin' shit.

"Scoop. Scoop."

Does "scoop" excite you?

"Coup," maybe. Only with a voice. Pfft.

Hey.

Uh, "coup," "occupation," "annexation," uh, "through force,"

"forcefully taking control."

When you hear the masterstroke…

…of genius I teed up for you…

Not so high.

Today we're teaming up on an investment opportunity

-Here's the deck, double-stapled. -Great. That's lovely.

And here.

-Green tea, agave syrup. -Ooh.

A fab system.

Has to be perfect.

It will. It'll be perfect.

Okay, bro.

Do you wanna say something?

I'm not supposed to, but…

…okay.

There's something else that's gonna be perfect.

Okay.

Your bachelor party.

Tomorrow, you and your best buds head to a cabin in…

…Hessdalen.

Uh, but…

-Hmm? -Uh…

Board games, buddies, sing-alongs, lots of toys, quizzes…

-Tomorrow? Uh, you mean -Yeah. It's for the weekend.

You'll love it. It's where I spend every single summer.

And of course, there are the famous Hessdalen lights.

-Hessdalen lights? -Yeah. Hmm?

Maybe we'll solve the mystery, hmm?

Huh?

Ah…

-How's it goin'? -Hello.

-Hi, Pelle. -Hi.

The topic?

This guy's bachelor party.

-Yep. -Yeah?

-Huh? -Oh, yeah. You can't wait?

Uh, I can't go outta town this weekend, Audun.

I just can't.

Really? Are you sure?

So, it'll… be you and me, huh?

Look, I've been working on this deal for how many years now?

-Six. -Six years.

So, come on. I can't just go out partying right now. I mean…

Look, I really appreciate the idea. I love it.

But for the first time, I'm trying something on my own.

-Something that I… -Yeah.

If I could land Kasper Kielland, it would change

Kasper… Kasper's here. He's here.

-Hmm? -Him.

Who's that?

Satan. Okay, this is… It's happening.

-It's happening. -You got this.

-Yeah. -So got this.

Okay. Pulse. Wow.

-My pulse? -You got this. You've got this.

Go on. Stick it to him.

Okay.

It's time to kick ass.

Stick it to him!

So, basically, by relying on our proprietary Sharp

for quantitative methods,

we generally can outperform conventional investing metrics.

Especially with…

-Yeah, uh -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Buddy.

Take a little time out.

-You are way deep under the bloody hood. -Yes.

So, pull out your tiny head and try to see the whole vehicle.

Vehicle. Yes, uh, of course, Kasper Kielland.

You're referring to, uh…

Isn't it obvious? Whole thing.

-With more. With more snap, flash. -Yep.

With more sex. Wet sex.

-In the face. 'Cause this is dry. -Okay.

I, uh… Oh, right. I, uh…

-Carry on. -Turn around for two minutes, buddy.

-And plug your ears, will ya? -'Kay.

-Kasper? -Hush. I want Tom Cruise.

Not bloody Rain Man. This guy's limited.

-Two minutes. -You see it? Ten seconds.

'Kay, buddy. Carry on.

-Huh? -Go.

Go? More, uh, flash.

You want flash? I've got flash.

Boom. Um, so

Whoo! Okay. Thank you.

Sir? There's still more. It's the good part.

-Uh, should I go after him? -What do you think?

Yep. Better do just that.

Uh, Kasper Kielland. Uh, so sorry.

-Hi. -Oh, it's you again.

-Sorry. Um… -Yeah?

-So… So that was a little basic and -Unbearably basic.

-Providing all the numbers -Yeah, I saw.

-Look, you want to play with the big boys? -Absolutely.

Little problem. I don't know you. Am I right?

-Right. -Why would I give you my money?

-Wait. I, uh… -Surely, you see that would be ridiculous.

No. Yes, of course. I, uh…

Watching PowerPoints in hell? Forget it.

The last time I was pitched, guess who walked through the door.

-Oh, uh… -Huh?

Kygo. The DJ.

He's there to have shots with us.

-You get it? -Ah.

That tickles the balls. Far-out experiences.

-Experiences. -Has to be something.

-Okay. -Not just air.

-No? -Then I know they won't mess with me.

And by not messing with me,

it means they're not messin' with my money.

-Get it, Herman? -Yeah. Sebastian.

Yeah, that's what I said. It's as easy as pie.

-Pie. -No messing around.

-Absolutely. -Farewell.

I have an experience!

For you.

Audun?

How'd it go?

I need the best bachelor party ever.

Yeah!

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh…

Fuck. Shit.

Chill.

-Okay. How'd it go? How'd it go? -It went fantastic!

It went great.

Okay. Okay.

It's not landed… Mm.

Oh no. No, honey.

-You said -No. It's normal.

I've got a plan. Don't worry.

Imagine you're on a flight, and maybe there's some turbulence.

-So you take a dive. -Turbulence? Okay, yeah.

But it's all fine.

-I'm at the stick. -Killer flight plan.

Yeah, I'm on it.

Uh, Josefine?

What's that? That box.

-What is it? -Yeah.

Just you wait.

Come here. Come on.

So, your mom came by with a bunch of stuff

to inspire our wedding

and our… nuptial bed.

How awkward.

-Tit squeak. -Oh fuck.

And there's… this.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Look, I really can't deal with that right now.

Okay. Listen to this. Wait. Here.

"With their unique 'what time is it?' tactic,

qualifiers and best friends Mikkel Stegger and Sebastian Borgnes…"

Who's that?

-That's me. -That's you.

"…are going to the Laser Tag World Cup."

Pfft. Why haven't I heard of this?

Why haven't I heard of him?

Where is he? Hmm?

He, uh…

He's still hanging around laser tag clubs, I guess.

For all I know.

And, uh… Yeah.

God.

Bachelor party + activity

Whatcha doin'?

Uh, I didn't tell you, uh, the bachelor party's this weekend.

-Huh? -Yeah.

-Nah. For real? -Sure. Yeah.

Yay! Fantastic!

This is exactly what you need.

Hanging out, drinking with friends, and partying.

-Just gathering my thoughts. -Thoughts?

-Um? -Hmm?

For your own bachelor party?

Yeah, well, you know.

Coming up with a, uh, small plan, preparing…

We sure don't want any weekend surprises.

That is for sure.

Planning for fun. Sounds great.

It will be. So much fun. Very fun.

-Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So much fun.

That's the plan, so…

So much fun.

Fuck.

And you got the list of the things we need?

-Yeah. -So you brought the cock balloons?

-Jell-O shots? -Yeah.

-Tikka masala? -Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Don't worry about it.

-Everything is under control. -Okay.

Just sit right back and relax. It's in the bag.

He wants ball tickling. You understand?

We need it. Ball tickling, whatever it is.

You know, I'm not a novice ball guy when it comes to tickling.

-Mm-hmm. -These fingers know how.

Balls are always defenseless.

Say… Mm.

You just point me in the right direction, and I go in.

The guy will never experience tickling like mine.

-Yeah, okay. Yeah. -Just relax. It's all in hand.

Hey, man.

-Oh! -Look at you.

-My man. -Hey.

-What's happenin'? Yeah. -Good to see you. Hi.

Hi, Pelle. You know the plan, right?

Yeah, chief.

We're gonna party like hell till the guy buys a subscription from you.

Well, no. Not…

Okay. Well, it's… close enough.

Look, I'm trying to win his trust, okay?

-Yeah? -So try saying some nice things about me.

You know? So he thinks, "Yeah, that guy's, uh, hey, hey, hey!"

-Hey. Absolutely. -Yeah.

-Very clear. -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

-To success, on three. -Okay.

-One, two, three. -Get in here.

Huh? What? No.

Huh?

If I'm not mistaken, it's bachelor party time.

Just look at you cock rockets. This'll be fun.

Uh, yeah. Kasper.

-Audun. -Audun.

-Pelle. -People are still called Pelle?

-Yeah. -Cool ride.

Thanks a lot.

Of course, it's, uh, custom bodywork, A to Z.

But the sickest part is what you see under her.

-Okay. -Yeah.

Under?

-Under here. -Yeah.

Hey, pal.

Inside is an insane merging

of really brilliant engineering and some metal.

All designed for one purpose,

which is to fist-fuck Tesla off the road!

-Oh? -Activate fucknuts!

Fucknuts activated.

Tickles, right?

Gets me every time.

Look at it. One of a fucking kind.

-Ah. -Is that a flux repeater?

Yeah. Fingers to yourself.

-Never seen one for real. -And it's all mine.

Now I'm happy. Okay.

See how that fits.

-Yeah? -Whoosh, whoosh. That's my contribution.

-It's for me? -Sure. Of course it is.

-No one else got one. -Okay. Um, uh…

-So nice. -Yeah.

Okay. Shots?

Shots?

Yeah, thanks.

Shots! Are… Are you alive, guys?

Oh! Okay, uh…

This is going well, hmm?

He brought you a gift.

Ah.

Mikkel?

-Chicks must go crazy, right? -Yeah.

Not bad. Not bad.

It turns some heads.

No, no, no, no, no.

-Check this out. -Sebbe!

-Yay. -Buddy.

-Yes. Yeah. So nice. -Surprise.

-Yeah. -So nice.

-A bear. -Come.

Yeah.

-So… -Looks good.

-This guy wants to party. -In his baby bear suit.

-Not bad. -So good.

-Beware of the boner, right? -Ooh.

-Uh… -Oh, yeah?

What does that… mean?

What's that about?

Uh… don't you know the story?

A boner story?

No, I haven't shared that one. It's kinda

You haven't told the story?

-No, that's right. -You holding out on me?

Hey, y'know what? I'm convinced our boy, uh, Sebastian has a great boner.

Okay. Yes.

-Let's see it. -Yep.

-Can we get the story? -Maybe. Let's go.

-Coming? -I expect that story.

-For sure. -Yeah. We'll tell it later.

Mikkel. C'mon, ride with me.

The story sounds somewhat… interesting.

You can tell me on the way. Hop in.

-Is that all right? -Yeah, yeah.

-See ya. -We will.

Sebbe used to wear…

Hey. I've written new words for some classics, so tonight we can sing?

Why'd you invite Mikkel?

How do you even know about him?

-Josefine said you'd -Josefine? Josefine?

Josefine said what?

-That buddy of yours? -Huh?

Great old pal. Very fun.

Heh.

We're off!

Very fun.

Hey. Fuck.

All together now.

-Yeah. -Hessdalen!

Café

I really hope you like this.

It's… It's Norwegian.

It's a traditional Norwegian dish.

-It's good. Really good. -Yes?

-What do you call it? -It's called "raspeballer."

Ooh!

I think you can say "raspy balls" in English.

Stine?

Oh my!

Very well done.

Moving on to… question 27.

What's the only thing Sebastian orders at McDonald's?

Pelle?

Ooh. Uh, double wiener in a… bun.

-Roll. Bun. -Huh?

-Kasper? -A McSuperfist.

Straight up your asshole.

Ah…

-Mm-hmm. Mikkel? -Must be the McFlurry, huh?

But he picks out the yellow M&M's, right?

-Yeah. -Ah. Still does it, huh?

Sorta. Uh, yep.

All righty. Let's push on.

Question 28 is next.

Okay! So let's play ludo. Or bingo, if you'd prefer.

-And then maybe some shots? -I'm down with that.

Ooh!

-How 'bout some funky music, huh? -Yeah. That too.

Okay. I've made a special playlist of songs

that were important in Seb's formative years

Hey, hang on. Wait, guys. I know what to play.

-Huh? -Boner, this is for you.

Hell yeah, Boner!

Now we're talkin'. This guy gets it, huh?

-Whoo! -All right! Yeah!

Okay.

Do you know what I like to do when I'm sad?

Fuck!

-Sometimes, I get sad. -Huh?

It's true.

But I have a little trick.

I tell myself… I say,

"Beep boop."

-"Beep boop"? -Yeah.

-"Beep boop"? -Yeah. You'll find it helps.

Uh…

I repeat it over and over and over until the sadness disappears.

All gone.

How's it hangin'?

Hey, chief!

-Good. -Glad to hear it.

I wanna show you something.

Hmm?

M'kay.

Mm.

Ready?

Yeah.

I, uh…

Isn't it sick?

Just look at it.

Straight from Japan. I haven't even had time to test it.

Impressive, huh?

It's hella, hella next level.

I'll show ya. It's right here.

Flip the switch, then sync it to your vest,

then you're good to go.

Yeah. See what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, okay.

So you still play?

-Yeah, every week. -Ah.

Keepin' up my skills.

Of course, the competition's gotten a lot younger,

but I feel I have a responsibility to, uh…

Why'd you bring this?

Well, thought maybe we could have a few rounds, huh?

-Yeah. No, I don't think we should. -Play with them?

I can tell there's something off, sidekick.

Okay! Uh, Mikkel? Can ya… Can ya do me a favor?

Yeah. Sure, Sebe.

Can you take it down a bit?

You know, stop with the awkward stories.

Think. Kasper's callin' me Boner every time he talks to me.

-I didn't expect this. -Look.

-You know? -Boner, listen. We're all buddies here.

-Kasper's not a buddy. He's… -He's not your bud? Who is he?

Forget about it. Forget about it.

Can ya tone it down maybe a little, you know, a bit, hey?

-Tone it down a smidge. -Yeah, yeah.

-Okay? -Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. I know what you're sayin'.

-Yeah. -No problem.

-Great. -Yeah.

-Hey! Boner Bear's back! -There he is.

Hell yeah! The best-lookin' Boner Bear in Norway!

More shots! Who wants shots?

I wish I could join you girls so bad.

Please say hi to everyone.

Yeah. But I need to hang up now, dear.

I'm here at Georg's.

Yeah.

Bye.

Welcome to Hessdalen UFO Tours.

All right, guys! Back on the bus!

Pfft.

Be sure to come back. They're still among us.

Police

Ow. I'm sorry, buddy.

Ugh. Teenagers suck.

They're unbelievable.

Bunch of UFO-tourist morons.

Purchase tickets at the counter.

Hi.

Aha. So you're building a fortress?

Yeah. I told you I need security.

Flexi 2000 Super Protection.

Get it?

With this shutter, no one will be getting in.

Right.

Let me see you, Sheriff!

Positively glowing, you are, huh? Is it almost time?

Surely you didn't call the cops to find out when I'm due.

No, no, no. In here… is the sickest thing you've ever seen.

Beer fridge is missing?

Beer fridge is gone, damn right.

They've gone too far.

You can't accuse the Gullhellas

for everything that happens around here.

It's not just me. They steal all over the place.

They took a tumble dryer from the campground.

-Tumble dryer? -Yeah. Yes.

And a waffle iron.

Those twins work the area.

Villagers are talking.

-We discuss things. -Yeah, you do blabber.

Why'd they leave the beer, do you think?

Ugh, that's just a diversion.

Diversion?

Please tell me you're not serious.

-I am. -You really think they're that smart?

I was really scared they'd steal my new shortwave.

Yeah, that's the latest model, huh?

It's an oldie, but they don't build 'em like this anymore.

She has a range of maybe 50 kilometers at least.

You know it's illegal to listen to emergency channels, right?

-Who says that's why I got it? -Hello? Hello?

Uh, Hjørdis? Hjørdis? Hello? Over.

Alpha two-four, responding.

Alpha three-one, come on. We practiced this.

Use your call signals. Over.

Yeah, sorry. Um…

Alpha, Alpha, calling you.

Uh, Alpha. Over.

What's this about, Benjamin?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, there's some kind of disturbance at the Gullhella boys' place.

Yeah. Hear that?

Maybe I should check it out?

-You know, I've almost completed my, uh… -Yeah. That'll be good training.

Some fieldwork, and I'll head back to the station.

-Over. -Thanks.

Why the fuck is that up there?

That picture cheers everybody up.

Folks ask, "Who's the beautiful baton twirler?"

They all look 'cause of the blinking lights.

"My brilliant daughter," I say. It makes me smile.

Yeah.

But it makes me happy, sweetheart.

Oh boy, oh boy. Good morning, you sexy ladies.

Hi.

-In form, Mikkel-meister? -Yeah, Kasp-meister.

-Oh! -Yeah!

Oh!

Kasp. Kasp on the, uh…

-Kaspy… slide it over. -This is weird.

-It can… -Finding it?

-Sorta. And over… -Sebster!

-That was crazy. Crazy shit. -Yes.

Oh.

He gives the best-ever high fives.

He's the best.

-It's true. -Okay, ladies.

So, what's the fucked-up agenda? Let's get wasted, huh?

-Yeah. -No, no.

-Listen to this. -Yeah?

We're going on a private guided tour…

…to the

Hessdalen Observatory.

Mm!

Hessdalen Observatory.

The what observatory, Audun? What's that?

The… unexplained lights.

The mystery that's intrigued us for years?

The Hessdalen phenomenon? You've heard of it?

-Aliens? -Huh?

Yeah.

Uh, that's too simplistic.

Uh, sure, the lights appear to behave with purpose, but it… it… it's…

There are other explanations, Mikkel.

Stine Lyongo, lead scientist, she has a really fun theory.

It's the one I like the most.

Uh, she thinks bioluminescent reactions are actually what we're seeing as light.

And reactions

Yeah.

Oh, you got us. You got us good, Audun.

Uh, do you think I could talk to you outside, buddy, huh?

-Just for a sec? Yeah. -Yeah.

What're you doing?

What happened to the list I sent with cock balloons, Jell-O shots?

UFOs? What's wrong with you?

Well, look. It's not UFOs, all right?

Seb, relax.

-It's legit, real science. 'Kay? -Okay.

-You're gonna love it. -This weekend isn't about me.

I promised Kasper a party with solid ball tickling.

You were on board. Balls would be tickled.

We need to come up with something drastic, or he's gonna jump

in his one-of-a-kind supercar and drive away.

Then I'm fucked, dude. I'm fucked.

-I'm sorry. I -No, it's fine, man. C'mon.

We have to find something more macho, right?

Paintball? Paintball, yeah.

We are playing paintball, I think.

-Yeah? Huh. -Yeah.

-That's not dumb. -Yeah.

Paintball. Paintball, paintball.

Yeah, I remember the time I played paintball.

Yeah?

-Okay. Shall we? -Yeah.

Now we're talkin', Boner.

System failure.

System failure.

-System failure. -Fucking hell!

What now? Oh no.

System failure.

-Piece of shit! -No, no, no.

-Spawn of the devil! -System failure.

-"Supercar," my ass! -Ah, fuck.

Fragile.

Hi there. You all right?

-You okay? -Am I all right?

-No, I mean -You're asking that?

-No. -That's a little stupid.

-Yes, you're right. -You know what that car cost?

Motherfucker!

I bet it cost a whole lot.

Other side, other side.

No, no, no. How could this happen?

Well, you said we needed something drastic.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Shit, it's like The Walking Dead here.

Hello? We're here, and we wanna play!

Spill some paint!

Uh, play paintball!

We're a short drive to the observatory if we wanna go on that tour later.

-Uh -In case anybody changes their mind.

Can we get started?

They'll come eventually.

-Yep. -The supply booth is open.

Uh, shouldn't we pay first, guys?

And he's in the hut in one jump.

-Kasper-roo. -Whoo!

-Seb! -Yeah.

Fuck.

Oh, sorry. That's it.

We'll have to share.

No worries. You boys go ahead.

I'm not good with pain.

Oh! Sorry.

Oh!

Ah. Whoo!

That was fun.

Wow.

-Okay, I'm fine. -You okay?

Yeah, I get it, why people like doing this.

So, am I the only one who's never played before?

It's not the same,

but Seb and I used to be Europe's laser tag champs back in the day.

You're kidding, huh?

-Natural born taggers, baby! -Yeah. That's right.

-You don't say. -Yeah, we were.

-Wow. -Yeah, we were. It's true.

Um, that was a while back. Long, long time ago.

What do you say? Get this going?

Definitely, dude. So, me, Kasper, and Audun?

Hey. National team against the rest? How's that fair?

-We can be first and second picks. -First and second?

What, are we in school?

All right, boys. Let's keep all our phones locked in here,

so we'll be fully focused on having fun.

Wow.

This is so fucking cool.

Okay. Cover for me from here. I'll move to right flank.

You, you, you. What about me? I wanna kill someone.

I'll do my own thing, and we'll catch up later, okay?

Not a good move, uh…

Shit. Well, that fucking sucked.

Okay, okay. So what do I do? Am I out of the game?

Yeah.

I shot Kasper.

Huh? What?

Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to, but I just fired.

-There was so much action! -Oh my God, Audun. How could you?

Fuck this shit!

Okay.

I'll shoot Mikkel, and we'll reset and start again.

Next time, you let Kasper shoot you. You got that?

-Sit down! Just sit down! -Copy that.

-What? -Good God.

Don't draw attention to the fact I'm out.

-Yep. -Sit down. That's right. Good.

Okay, follow me.

Oh shit.

Ah, that's what you should've done.

You should've hidden.

Shit! How can he shoot at both of us at once?

He's a sneaky son of a bitch, but he has no strategy.

So you take the flank and meet me at the pit.

-What? -Shoot. I'll run around.

Okay.

Oh yeah!

Ow!

-Ooh! Ow! Ow! -Fuck.

I think I shot someone!

Great! You're supposed to!

No, I might've actually shot someone.

Huh?

Holy shit. Shit.

Why'd you shoot him?

I thought it was Mikkel. I thought it was one of you.

He has bleached hair.

-How's he look like me? -Sun was in my eyes!

It wasn't that sunny.

-So is he dead? -Paint bullets can't kill.

If you hit him in the eye, you could kill.

-You shot him in the eye? -The guy's not dead.

He's moving.

Is he breathing? Eh.

Nah, he's dead.

Uh, I didn't mean it!

Whoa, fuckface!

Fuckin' guy came right at me.

-You okay, Pelle? -Oh yeah. Sure, I'm fine.

That was some fuckin' zombie shit, dudes.

-Will I turn into a zombie? -No, zombies aren't real.

-Okay. -So how do you explain the glowing eyes?

Some kind of reflection.

Reflection? Seriously? Come on.

-Kasper, back me up, will you? -Huh?

No? Pelle, you saw it, right?

I feel weird. Something's happening.

It was fuckin' freaky.

We'll go back to the cabin, and we'll never mention this again.

Everything here did not happen.

Anyone asks, we were here all day. We were here all…

I'm repeating myself.

-Hey. -What's wrong?

It won't start.

There a button I'm supposed to push?

-Just turn the key. -Yep. That's how it works.

Well, it won't start.

Hey, Pelle. Where's the motor?

Okay.

What's wrong?

The motor's missing.

Oh yeah. So that makes sense.

Um, how does it make sense?

Uh, because it won't start without a motor.

An engine doesn't just walk away. It weighs a ton. And

-Whatever. This is the last straw for me. -Uh

Great bachelor party, or at least an attempt at one.

So just give me my phone, and I'll call a cab

because I'm done here.

My phone.

-Um, sorry. Uh, it's also gone. -What?

Shut up. What the fuck are you talking about?

Well, the box we put all our phones in is missing,

but the cases are still here.

No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck.

Hey, uh, Audun. Audun.

You said the observatory was around here, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe a mile.

Okay. I strongly suggest that we walk there right now

because it's closer than the cabin.

My first priority is taking care of you.

Of course, I want everyone to be safe.

-Yeah. -But you're first. You're top priority.

Hush, Boner.

-Priorities. -You're mine.

Stop acting like a babysitter, and let's get the hell outta here.

-So, which way? -Yep.

-Yes. -Okay.

Hold on.

I'm not going into the forest without a gun.

Whoa, what do you have there?

I see. It's a toy. Okay.

I, uh, read the cover story about your father.

Pretty impressive.

He, and you too, of course, are obviously doing great things.

Yeah.

-Me too? Yeah. -You, yes. I think so.

Gotta surround yourself with the right people.

-Okay. -That's the key.

-Kids know about that. -In what way? How so?

-There are two kinds of people. -Yeah?

-Taking notes? -Yes, for sure.

There's candy and vegetables.

Mikkel, for example? Typical cotton candy.

-Get it? -Yeah.

-Huh? -Really? I thought you liked Mikkel.

Oh, I do. I love cotton candy.

Could dive right into it. Bang that shit.

-I'm not sure that I -Some people are like cotton candy.

They have no nutritional value but taste good.

You gorge on 'em, and you spit 'em out.

-You with me? -Yep.

The key here, Boner, if you wanna be a big, strong bear…

…you need a balanced diet.

Yes.

You are what you eat.

-That's right, Boner! Yes. -Yeah?

-Yeah. -Now you get it.

-Of course. -But…

-Yes? -There's more than boiled potatoes.

-Sure. -What else is there?

-Uh, bo… Hot sauce? -Hot sauce.

Yeah, absolutely. Hot and spicy.

I can be hot and spicy.

Yeah, but you don't want to put too much hot sauce on your candy, do ya?

Yeah, I, uh…

Uh…

We're here.

Wow. The place is hoppin', Boner.

But, uh, we're supposed to get a tour, so someone should come soon, I think.

We could be waiting forever.

Great, so we're going straight to break and enter? That the idea?

Long as we don't break anything,

it's not technically breaking and entering.

There. That's logic for you.

Hessdalen observatory

See? We're allowed in.

Who's coming? Kasper?

Nah. Hard pass on that.

-But Boner here, he'll come with ya. -Huh? Yeah.

-Sure, of course I'll come. Yeah. -All right.

I'll hang on to this so Pelle can protect himself.

-Uh-uh. -Great. Perfect.

You guys keep a watch out here while we check inside.

-Yep. -And let us know if anyone's coming.

Hang on.

What's the plan? Uh, is there a plan?

-Anything? -Find a telephone?

Call for help? Then…

That is… an okay plan.

-Uh-huh. -Uh, be careful.

We don't know what's in here, so…

Don't be a wuss. We're grown men, aren't we?

Uh-huh.

Whoa. I have déjà vu. For real, I do.

European qualifiers. Helsinki.

-Remember? -Yeah.

-That was so fuckin' cool. -Mikkel?

Can you… forget all the… cotton candy for two seconds?

We've gotta focus here.

Cotton candy?

You know,

it's fascinating, really.

This was the largest building project in Trøndelag at the time,

and it wasn't built just to observe the phenomenon.

All telecommunication in this whole area goes… goes through that dome.

Great, Audun. I'll remember that.

Now, shut up, will ya?

What is this place?

Try to find a phone.

Yep.

Weren't you gonna let Pelle have one of them?

One of what? These?

Oh! No.

No. No, no. No worries. Oh.

-Yeah. -I'm fine.

He said he was fine. I'm goin' with that.

Oh God.

-Hey, maybe that -Shh. Let's see who it is.

No dial tone. Dead.

This might be for communications.

This thing. You think? Ah.

Nah. Doesn't work.

What's that?

A map of the light phenomena Auden talked about.

-It's Stine Lyongo! -Shh!

Yeah. Shh. Just tell us.

You don't need to scream at her.

-Bingo. Telephone. -Huh? Great.

Yeah.

"If we don't break anything,

then technically, it's not breaking and entering," right?

Doesn't look broken.

-Hessdalen Sheriff's Office. -Yeah, hi. This is Mikkel Stegger.

We are in the forest at the observatory.

The observatory. Okay.

How can I help you? Has some stuff been stolen?

No, no. We… We met this weird guy.

Uh, I don't know what his deal was.

If he was an extraterrestrial or something supernatural…

An extraterrestrial, I understand.

-And what else? -Yeah, yeah.

-It was so sick. His eyes were glowing. -Okay.

Incredible. It was sick!

Okay. Hi. Hello, hello.

Uh, just forget what he said

about the… the glowing eyes and all that.

My buddy wants to prove

-Hang on a sec, okay? -Mm-hmm?

You think it's funny to make false reports to the cops? How old are you?

-Uh… -Let me speak to Stine.

Stine?

Stine isn't here right now.

-Mullet guy from paintball? -What's he doing?

Look at that ugly mullet.

-He looks like that zombie guy. -We better warn them.

No, no, no, no.

All we have to do is stay hidden and just keep quiet.

I am sick and tired of hearing about Martians in Hessdalen.

News flash. They don't exist.

-I'm hanging up. -Wait!

-We've got to go tell them. -No, no, no. We stay here.

What was that?

That was stupid.

-Shit! Shit! -What?

-Someone's here. -To help?

No, it's the guy you shot.

I didn't mean to shoot him.

-The sun was in my eyes. -Right.

-He's here to get his fucking revenge. -No!

Huh?

-What the hell? -Shit!

Let's hide in there.

No, I checked. It's locked.

We need to, uh…

Come on. Go.

Wait. I'm not

-Fuck. -I'm sorry.

Fucking hell, Mikkel.

Shh. Shh.

Throw him in the basement with the others.

What the fuck is that?

What is it?

You're sure he was dead, right?

He seemed dead.

Go and check.

-Quick. Hide. -I'm coming.

-No. There's no room. -These are dead bodies.

You can pretend to be one.

-No! -Pretend.

Fuck.

Ugh.

What the fuck?!

It was just a rat.

So, you, uh, check that cabin?

Yeah.

It was empty.

Did you search anywhere else?

Why are they so important? We have plenty.

-No. Fuck me. -Check with the others. I want them found.

Oh, what the fuck?

They were at the paintball park, knocked one of us out, and ran off.

Search the valley.

Find them.

Seb?

Oh my God.

This is fucked-up shit.

Whoa. What are they doing?

-Running? -Not the best running.

So, what's going on?

-What happened? Are you okay? -The guy from paintball was there.

And his eyes were glowing, just like I said.

This is definitely some weird alien shit.

-So, not zombies? -No.

-Yeah, okay, great. -Yes!

I don't buy it. I mean, why would they show up here?

How would I know?

But seriously,

it was like they communicated

through a form of, pfft, telepathy.

-Yeah. Weird. -It was… It was weird.

-Seb saw it. -Huh?

Back me up here.

It was… C'mon, tell 'em.

No, I didn't see any of that.

-No? -Uh, what?

We got through to the police, but he starts talkin' about aliens,

so they're not coming.

So, we'll have to make our way on foot

and, uh, hope we'll find someone to help us.

Okay.

-Hey. What was that, Seb? -Don't mess this up.

Okay? We can still salvage this. I promised Kasper a good time.

-Let's have one. -What are you talking about?

Never mind. Let's just…

Let's keep calm and carry on. Please, okay?

Seriously, how can you go on with your bachelor party

after seeing a basement full of corpses?

-Shh! -Huh? Corpses?

Corpses, yeah. Dead folks.

Thank you. I know what corpses are. Boner, what's with that?

Audun, you believe me, right?

-Uh, I don't wanna take any sides here. -Oh, Jesus Christ!

That true, Boner? A basement full of corpses?

-No! -No?

-Well, it wasn't full of them. -No, okay. Half full? Little full? C'mon.

-Yeah. -Yeah?

What the hell is going on with this place, huh?

It's aliens.

Hey, can you keep quiet?

-Shit's going on. Grown-ups are talking. -Hang on.

Guys, if I got bitten by an alien, what happens?

-Do I become… an alien, or -No.

Hello, Stine. I don't know what happened.

The engine just gave out halfway up the hill.

Oh. Let me take a look?

-I know a bit about engines. -Great, thanks.

Okay, back onto the bus, everybody.

C'mon, chop-chop.

-New plan. -No, wait, wait.

Jesus H. Christ.

-What the fuck was that? -Aliens.

Holy shit.

See? I told you. Aliens.

Yeah, but that's too much

to wrap my head around right now, Mikkel, man.

-Oh, I have serious déjà vu. -No, that's something else, Pelle.

Oh my God.

Right!

-Behind you! -How many are there?!

-Does anyone understand this guy? -No.

You speaking Norwegian gibberish?

We don't understand the language you're using.

Hey. Stay right there.

I'll shoot off your dick.

-Watch. -Careful. Back up.

-Fuck. -Wait.

Wait. Wait.

Get back!

Okay, Audun. Shoot!

We should run! Let's go!

Oh shit!

Shit.

Ah, oh yes!

Ugh.

Okay.

They are aliens.

Told ya.

Okay. Run, run! Run!

The last number is number eight.

There you have it.

All of the winning numbers have been announced.

As you will see on the back of your raffle ticket, if you have…

Mysterious.

Four coffee makers.

Hmm.

They were aliens.

-You wouldn't believe us. Aliens. -Yeah.

We saw aliens.

Hello. Good day. Or good afternoon.

I know this sounds…

We sound totally mental, but this whole thing is true.

-Completely true. -Yeah, it is.

Yeah, I assume you're the dumbasses

who telephoned earlier.

-Uh… -Mm-hmm.

You saw aliens at the observatory, right?

-Yeah. -Everywhere.

Saw 'em first at the paintball park.

Then we saw them at the observatory, then in the forest.

And, uh… Twice in the forest.

Yeah, they're everywhere.

It's a full-on space invasion.

Paintball? At Gullhella Paintball?

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.

Yeah, so were either of the twins there?

Ah, twins.

-Oh yeah. -They were twins.

I was sure the guy we hit had a different color

-Who'd you hit? -Sebastian shot the guy with a paintball.

-It was sunny. I couldn't see. -The guy went ballistic.

He attacked us, all crazy.

He was all rabies, monster style, you know?

Rabies, monster style…

Do I have that right?

-No. -Yeah.

-Why…? -What? He was.

You don't get it. She's writing.

But it was like that. That's what happened.

I can still hear you if you whisper. Sit down, guys.

Look, I understand… that life can get a little tough.

But you are heading down the wrong road.

Drugs, they lead into a black hole.

Hallucinations, no sense of reality

-That's not… Hang on a second -Listen, lady.

This is not a joke. It's sick but very real.

It's the thing with the Hessdalen lights.

The phenomenon that only happens in your stupid city.

We're actually not a stupid city. We're a valley, all right?

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna contact my colleague

who is on his way to the Gullhella's to check on something else.

I'll ask if he's seen anything.

Uh, or, uh… Wait, wait. Maybe that's, uh, not a great idea.

Like…What if he's possessed?

I don't think we have to worry about it.

-Are you outta your mind? -Checkin' if she's one of them.

She's pregnant. You don't know what that'll do to an unborn child.

Why do you…

Alpha three-one, this is Alpha two-four. Over.

Alpha three-one, go ahead. Over.

Wow.

Uh, yeah. Hi.

I have a couple of knuckleheads over here

who say they had an encounter and shot one of the Gullhella twins

with a paintball gun.

Does that match with what you found over there earlier?

-I know about consequences. -And…

Technically, they're armed…

…ish. Over.

Yeah, that sounds like them.

You should hold 'em till I get back. Over.

If you were an alien, you would've blown up with that shit all over.

Yeah.I think I can do that.

Over and out.

-Nothing happens unless you're an alien! -Goop! All over my face!

And you don't even care, do you?

Would either of you like a cup of hot cocoa?

So, it's in here, boys.

Go ahead and help yourselves. There's cookies too.

-Yeah. -Here?

-Yeah. -In a…?

Huh?

Uh?

Hey. What the fuck's going on?

Sorry. You have to stay here till my colleague gets back.

-We'll talk later, okay? -Huh?

Can we still get hot cocoa?

I don't like being all alone in the forest.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Ah, fuck. They following you? -No, no. I don't think so.

Goddammit, Audun.

-You see their eyes? They were green. -Mm-hmm.

-Yeah. -Bright green.

They lit up.

You said there were no aliens. That they didn't exist.

I said there's no real evidence that they exist.

But yeah, we saw something that…

But it coulda been something else.

Like a parasite. Some… Some…

-I don't know what it was. -Okay, now. Hey.

You gotta calm down.

We gotta stay together.

-We're gonna stay low to the ground. -Yeah.

That's how we'll… we'll avoid being found.

Oh God.

Okay. So, let's go… that way.

-Holy shit! -Go! Run!

-No, no, no, no, no, no! -They're after me!

Fuck outta here!Fuck this.

Think the others got away?

Dunno.

Maybe. Hope so.

What are you doing?

I'm tryin' to tune the settings.

See if I can increase the beam intensity.

What?

Your whole… action-hero thing.

Don't you get sick of it?

No, I'm just dealing with the situation we're in.

Okay, but what do you think'll happen here?

Do you think you're just gonna run around in the forest like John Wick or something?

No.

How should I know, Seb?

Maybe I will. Um, who knows. Maybe we will.

As soon as you show up, then it's all about boners and fucking…

Space invasions. Are you gonna blame me for that too?

Fine. But you could try to not have so much fun.

Think about it, Seb. I mean, all that laser tag training,

and we get the chance to fend off a fucking alien invasion.

15-year-old Seb would've pissed himself if we got to do this.

Why are you so obsessed with those days?

I'm not obsessed with those days. And what's your deal, anyway?

I thought I'd come up here and celebrate with my old buddy.

Cruise down memory lane, have fun.

Boy, was I wrong. You've turned into a grumpy fart.

What's up with that?

You're damn right, I'm grumpy!

Do you even know about the hoops I jumped through

to get this guy Kasper to come to this thing?

And all I needed, all I needed was to try and make a good impression.

But no.

Here comes Mikkel fuckin' Steger. Great. Just fucking great.

You're kidding, right?

-What? -This is all because of Kasper?

This whole… weekend is about your job?

Yeah, it is.

And I'm very sorry for being at the center of my own life

and taking responsibility for it instead of running around

like some damn kindergarten wannabe.

Nice.

For your information, I'm havin' a great bloody life.

-You know what? I'm living a dream, Seb. -Okay.

I can play laser tag any day, as much as I want.

-Ooh. -And slush? I drink it all the time.

I get it free, mix the colors. As much as I can drink.

And guess what? People look up to me and admire me for who I am.

I looked you up on Facebook. You were at a birthday party?

Yeah, so what? A dude's party.

-He's 12. -Yeah. Twelve and cool as fuck.

Preben's a total boss.

He lives in the here and now. He loves life.

You could learn something.

You think you're so great, that you know how to live.

Look at you. You're sucking dick for your bachelor party.

I got no problem sucking dick.

If Kasper had three dicks, I'd line them up…

…and I'd work my way down the line.

It only took you three fucking seconds before you stole my spotlight.

Oh, the big spotlight on history's most pathetic bachelor party ever?

-That? -Know what?

You can just fuck off. No one wants you here.

Except for your girlfriend,

who pretty much begged me to come.

Because she knows you are fucked in the head.

Okay. You know what? Fuck you!

Fuck you right back at your rat-ass face.

Yeah, my, uh, colleague's back.

You might wanna come out if this is a good time.

Out you go.

We don't want to be blamed.

-My report will show that you -Fuck. There they are.

-Fuck. -That's the guy who shot me.

-Take it easy! -He's one of them.

Arrest them!

Back off. Back the fuck off!

Let's all relax,

and you boys will come with me and tell me what happened.

Not again!

Stop coming on me, you oaf!

Hey, Joe Exotic. Just chill.

What the hell is happening?

I already told you.

Yeah, that nonsense about lights and UFOs and all that?

Yep.

Yeah, but you said you were being chased by monsters.

Well, it seems some people react differently to the lights.

-We haven't figured it out yet. -Hey, I'm… I'm totally normal.

Fuck.

Could you please try to keep the shooting down to a minimum, please?

-I wanna ask the guy some questions. -Okay, Seb.

-Are you gonna talk the guy to death? -I wanna ask him a few things.

-Do you mind? -Will you just shut up?

And you, not another word.

This is actually my sheriff's office, and I do the interrogating here.

Is there light…

…inside?

-Yup. -Inside you?

Yep.

That's freaky.

The light in us is a signal…

…from an intergalactic light pulse.

Okay, bullshit.

Light pulses don't kill, so that makes no sense at all.

Technically, you could kill with one.

-Nah. -Okay. That's not the point I'm making.

You don't know what you're talking about.

-I've seen people use them, so yeah. -Yeah? Oh?

Uh, what do you mean by "kill"?

The observatory's full of bodies.

And you're only telling me this now?!

-Yeah, I guess I should've mentioned it. -Yeah, you should have.

-I was tired. I wasn't thinking. -Yeah, poor you.

It's not an excuse.

-Who you calling? -Police.

You're the police.

Bigger police.

Whoa.

Oh shit.

There's no signal.

Dammit.

It's dead too.

-Game over. -That's enough outta you.

Okay. What do we do now?

Huh?

Hjørdis?

Hjørdis?

-Put it down. -Uh, Hjørdis?

-Is that you, Benjamin? -Yeah.

-Are you feeling okay? -How did I get back here?

We were speaking on the radio, uh…

-I was going to the paintball -I shouldn't have sent you up there.

You've been a little…

…out of it.

I vaguely… sort of remember.

There was a roadblock, and…

We… We stopped the vehicles that were exiting the valley.

And Hjørdis, they're getting everybody.

They're grabbing everybody.

Where are you taking us?

I'd say we're driving up a hill.

Why are you talking when nobody here asked for your opinion?

Butthead.

Kasper, he's just tryin' to help.

Yeah, but I can't take his help. Okay, Audun?

And he can shove it hard up his puny little asshole.

Because this is his fault!

If he hadn't been prancing

all around the forest like some deranged porcupine,

screaming and luring those fucking green lumps,

we'd all be fine, wouldn't we?

Everything would be fine.

It's not his fault.

Ow!

For fuck's sake.

-Oh. -Don't touch me. Don't!

-Ow. -It's my pain.

-Yeah. -Not yours.

No. Absolutely right.

Ow, it hurts.

-That thing was heavy. -I give up.

-I'm fucking giving up. -It's okay.

-It'll be fine. -It won't be fine, Pelle.

How stupid can you be to say that it will?

Hey. We'll get through this fine.

We will, right?

We owe it to everyone, everyone back home,

everyone we love.

Your best friend.

All your best friends, if you have more than one.

I don't have friends, Pelle.

Huh? Of course you do.

We're your friends.

It'll be okay.

We're gonna get out of this.

I've been in worse situations.

In worse situations? How could that be?

You'll be fine.

You'll see.

Seb, I brought a bag full of laser tag equipment.

There are vests, guns, all kinds of stuff.

It's in the back of Pelle's van.

Let's fight back.

Mikkel, we've gotta come up with a plan.

We need to save the boys, okay?

But we've got to assume they've been caught by now

and taken to the place where they turn you into one of those

things.

Yeah.

But we can't do anything until we know where they are, right?

Okay, okay, uh… Hmm.

A plan.Hmm.

Hang on.

We need a plan.

What's up?

It's right here.

It was marked up at the observatory.

Yeah, there's an abandoned mine up there.

It's right next to the Gullhella paintball park.

Got a plan?

It's sort of a plan.

Uh, do you know a safe place?

Where it's, you know…

Like, a fortress or a compound or… something?

Uh, suppose I do.

Yep.

Hi, honey.

-He's good. -Ah, thank God.

-What's goin' on? -We need help.

-People in the valley… -Were taken by aliens.

No kidding. Seriously?

-Seriously? -Does your gate work?

-Of course. Installed it myself. -Your shortwave is working?

Of course. Who we calling?

The police, the army, the Salvation Army,

anyone who will answer.

-Okay. -Be careful.

Yeah.

It's my duty to try to convince you not to do this.

It's too dangerous.

Can't you just stay here, and we can all wait for help?

We can't. Kasper and Auden need us.

Yeah. And Pelle.

And Pelle. Yeah.

In case they come.

Yeah, shoot. Shoot them.

Yeah. You can turn it off here.

Think I can't manage a laser pistol?

Now, I order you guys to stay alive.

-That the plan? -That's the plan.

I mean it.

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -Yeah. Absolutely.

Promise.

Uh, dude…

Um, I, um… was…

-Uh, ugh. What I said, uh… -Yeah.

-Uh, well, it was, y'know… -Yeah, man. I…

-It was weird. -Big expression of lots of emotions.

And, you know…

-It was a buildup of emotions… -Yeah, sure was.

-It was emotions. -I know, man. But…

Can we just take a minute to reflect on the fact

that we're sitting in a fucking police cruiser,

on our way to shoot aliens with laser weapons?!

-Yeah, it's good. -It's fuckin' good!

Let's remember seat belts, right?

Seat belts on.

Okay. So, the bag with the guns and vests is in Pelle's car

or minivan or whatever.

-Yeah. Whatever it is. -Yeah.

Okay, we need a plan. Need a plan.

Here's my idea. I'll distract them.

-Mm-hmm. -So you can run to the car, find the bag.

You want me to go?

Yeah. You run outside, find the bag.

-What the fuck? -It's your party, man.

-Oh, so I need to die? Is that the point? -No, I'm tryin' to give you the spotlight.

Okay, but how will you distract them?

C'mon. Be specific for once in your life.

Whoop, whoop!

-The sound of the police. -Ah.

-Not bad. -Good one.

Let's do this.

Boom, bitches.

Fuck.

Ah, no. Fuck. No. Fuck.

Fuck.

Yes.

Laser tag warrior!

Laser tag…

Fuck.

Fuck.

Huh? That's how it's done.

You can't plow people over like that. They're real people, just possessed.

For fuck's sake.

They don't look so bad, do they?

Okay.

Okay.

Suit up.

-This user guide's a piece of shit. -Like Starship Troopers, right?

-Danger! -It's in Japanese.

-You'll understand something. -Okay. The round knob marked "lights out"…

Yeah?

-Don't touch it. -How come?

-Oh fuck. -Yup.

Okay, so we go through the paintball park, then up the hill.

All right. Let's go.

He's pretty confident.

With good reason.

It's the welcoming committee.

Let's go!

Seb?

-They're throwing shit. -Huh?

Oh shit.

Fuck.

Oh!

Oh fuck!

-You okay? -We're outnumbered.

Oh shit.

We got this. Goddamn glowies, right?

-Glowies? -You noticed? Their eyes are glowing.

-Knockout! -Huh?

One power-up.

Seb?

Ugh.

Fuck.

C'mon. Go.

-Seb, it's in my mouth. -Don't swallow.

Mikkel.

-The guns aren't working. -Oh, for fuck's sake!

Whoo-hoo. Nice!

-Let's go! -Whoo. About time. Heh.

-Knockout! -Oh my God. Seb?

Two power-up.

It looks like a kill streak or something like that.

Oh shit.

Okay, let's go.

Go!

Oh shit!

Let's go!

-Okay, I got a plan. I got a plan. -Yeah, what is it?

-Keep shooting. C'mon. -Huh? That's not a plan.

That's not a plan! Fuck!

Why'd you do that?

-Why'd you take off on me like that? -It was a diversion.

What? We're a team, Mikkel. Stop doing that.

-You're always leaving me. -Adapting to the situation.

Ah, shit.

Shit.

We're so fucked.

There's too many of 'em.

We're surrounded.

Fuck. We have no plan.

We need a plan. Right now. Time's running out.

Huh?

-Time. What time is it? -What the fuck?! How should I know?

Seb, you do know.

Oh, get real, Mikkel! That was 15 years ago.

We're not playing games. We're not kids.

Quarter to three!

Oh shit.

Ten to three!

2:30!

2:30 again.

Oh shit.

Oh this sucks.

Those guns are real, Seb.

Oh shit! What the fuck?

Oh shit!

Oh my God!

Fuck.

-Danger! -What is that?

-I don't know. -What do you do with it?

-How do I know? -Throw it!

Danger!

-Huh? -Laser boom!

Oh shit.

Fuck yeah!

Yeah.

-That was so badass! -Yeah! Whoo!

-Pew Jackman. -Yeah, and you're fuckin' Sean Beam!

Nice to meet you.

-Aragon. -Legolas.

Gimli.

Yeah!

Hey, guys, let's dial it down a notch

and act like the grown-ups we are.

The fuck?

Wait.

I got a better plan.

Let's not make any mistakes, guys.

All these washing machines.

Let's try not to panic.

No! Let go!

Was that… Was that person dead?

-No. No. -No?

-No. Shit. -Another one got fried in here!

We need more!

-This way. -Thank you, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Hey, fucknut.

-My car. -Fucknuts activated.

Let me go. Hey, that's my car. Let me go.

You disgusting, common thieves.

How dare you take my car?

Hello?

Hello?

…weren't really going…

Hello?

-Hertzberg War Academy? -Yes. How can I help you?

Oh, thank you for answering.

This is Hjørdis Skolem, over here at the Hessdalen Sheriff's Office.

We need immediate assistance. Please bring weapons.

-Hessdalen, you say? -Hessdalen, yeah.

Yeah. Uh, so are you guys under attack by aliens?

Now, listen here, mister.

There's more going on in Hessdalen

than all the baloney about aliens and UFOs, y'know?

But, uh, let… let's say we were, in fact, actually surrounded, um, by aliens.

Do you think you would be able to come?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Fuck all this alien shit!

Honey, try not to get so upset. You want some warm milk?

No, I don't want any warm milk!

When you were little, that's what you drank.

Look, lose the perfect dad shit.

I needed a papa when I was five

or six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, and thirteen.

Right now I don't need a dad!

He's trying to help you, right?

Oh no. Please don't start lecturing me.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

You don't know how many chances I've given him.

The only thing he ever cared about when I was a kid

was flying to every corner of the earth, setting up idiotic businesses.

Then, out of nowhere, "Hi, dear. I'm coming."

"It's gonna be me and you and the baby."

And what does he do?

Just look.

He's setting the world record for cuckoo businesses.

I like this store. It's cool.

It's the same thing all over again.

Ow.

-The radio was a sweet thought though. -Huh? What radio?

Uh, Georg radios every day.

He calls me because you hardly ever answer the telephone

when he calls you, so he…

he bought the radio so he can make sure you're safe.

Um…

That's the big group I've been waiting for.

They were due here hours ago.

I wonder what happened.

Do they expect me to be open at this hour?

We're closed.

What? What is it?

Can we lower those security shutters of yours?

Yeah. All right.

That's a smart idea.

Guess the fuse must have blown.

If you'd just hire someone, things might work.

There's nothing wrong with the way I do things.

This is an old building. I'll be right back.

Looks like a kiddie party.

You're ready, I hope?

Oh God.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Turn on, goddammit. Now.

Please, God.

Georg!

Welcome to Hessdalen UFO Tours.

Turn the key. Quick.

Goddammit!

What is this, huh?

It looks like an

abandoned coal mine or something.

This is a weird fuckin' smell.

It's a spaceship.

No, this can't be a spaceship.

It's a dryer. A huge clothes dryer.

Hi. Pelle.

Hey. Curly. What's up with you?

Can you talk, weirdo?

Ah, the guy's catatonic.

Stine.

Stine? Stine?

It's not fair.

No!

Oh… Oh God.

-Did you see where he went? -No.

This place is nuts.

Let's go this way.

That's my engine.

That's my fucking engine. Audun, from my car.

They took the engine out.

Another.

-No! No! No! No! -Whoa. Whoa. Hey!

-Let go! -Boss.

Hell no. Don't do this. Don't do this. Ow.

We have a problem.

Whoa, whoa!

I've never seen an engine put out that much energy.

It's not enough. We need a lot more. Take that guy.

Wait. I can get you more.

I'll get more for you.

I'll get more. Please! I can get more.

Oh my God. Okay.

That thing? My engine, okay?

It is actually mine, just so we're clear.

The engine's mine.

Okay. You want energy, that right?

Mega energy.

Let's try a little experiment here for a moment.

How much power can my little engine generate?

A lot, right?

Thing is, I can get you ten.

Ten more.

I can get you 20. You can have a whole fleet.

You'll get so much energy, you're gonna go totally bananas.

The only thing you

must do, or really should do…

is let us go.

What makes you think I'd release a single skin suit?

No. That's a good point.

Uh, we can negotiate a different deal.

Why don't you take them and just let me go?

-Wha… What? -What's he mean?

Does he mean us?

Okay. Here's what's gonna happen now.

I'm gonna call my peeps.

Is there a phone booth in this, uh, cave?

Ah, sweet.

Kind of old school of you.

If you don't get the motors, you die.

Yep, duly noted.

Ready? One, two…

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

He… He has a plan, so he should work his plan.

-Seb, the guy's gonna let the others die. -No, he's calling for help.

Will you get your head out of Kasper's ass and blast some aliens?

-Okay? I'm going on three. -Okay.

Are you with me, or are you out?

-Okay. Wait. Okay. -They don't know we're coming.

-One… -Two, three.

You guys are so fuckin' loud.

-Well… -Yeah? Uh, sorry.

-What the fuck? -Ouch.

-You okay? You're okay, right? -We came to rescue you.

Yeah, we heard. That was nice.

Sebastian?

-No, no, no! -No, no, no! Let him go! Hey!

No, no! Don't take him!

Please let him go!

Don't take him!

Don't take him. Don't.

Audun.

Sebastian.

No.

Fuck.

Audun?

Audun, you okay?

We shoulda stayed with Hjørdis.

How do you use this thing?

-Hjørdis! -I can't get it to work!

Shoot!

Hjørdis? What's wrong? Hjørdis?

You gotta be kidding me.

Hjørdis.

Hjørdis!

Hjørdis!

Go! Fuck.

Hey.

Item not found.

Hjørdis!

Ow.

Wanna know something?

I have swollen feet and acid reflux.

And I've been nauseous for nine goddamn months.

And now my water's broken.

So bring it on.

Hello?

Still no reception.

If we could get to the laser pistols, we could shoot our way outta here.

Should we try rushing them?

Seb, you there?

It's all my fault.

No, no, no. It's not, bro.

Let's go and get those laser pistols.

It's all my fault.

It's not your fault.

Now, fight.

I know what you can do.

Mikkel, I can't do it.

I don't have a plan.

No tactics, nothing.

It's over.

I've failed.

It's all over. I can't.

Sorry.

It's over.

Oh man.

I get why you ditched me.

When we were young.

What you said just hit me. I…

I'm a wannabe kindergarten kid.

Running around without a care in the world.

Drinking slushies all day.

When I heard that you were getting hitched…

that you'd found your soul mate and all that…

and I got an invitation to this weekend…

I don't know.

Kinda thought things

would be like before.

That I'd get my best friend back.

You just… disappeared from my life.

I was the invisible one, Mikkel.

I couldn't compete with you… ever.

Nah.

I wanted to…

be seen as well.

Fuck, Seb, man.

I wish you'd said something.

Do you still piss blue?

Oh yeah.

I do, man.

Fuck, I miss you, buddy.

You too.

Beep boop.

-Beep boop. -Yeah. Say it.

-Beep boop. -Beep boop.

-Beep boop. -Yeah, that's it.

-Beep boop. -Again.

-Um… are you okay? -Beep boop. Beep boop.

-Yeah. -Beep boop.

-Are we good? -Beep boop.

-Guys? Okay. -Beep boop.

-Beep boop. -Uh…

Huh?

What is it? Do you have a plan?

Huh? A plan?

Think so.

-Hey, Kasper? -Little busy. 'Kay, Boner?

Uh, it's about what you said at the pub.

-About the engine. -Yep.

Uh, miss, I need a word with him.

Yes? Thank you.

Okay, thanks.

Yeah, hi.

Remember yesterday you said that the motor was one of a kind?

Quiet about that.

Let's say we keep that between us.

-Yeah. -Just keep it under wraps.

And I'll find a way for you and me to go free.

I'll tell them you're my expert, and I need your help fixing the motor,

so it runs hot and charges up.

And then I'll improvise the rest.

-All right? -And my friends?

-Are you serious? -Yeah.

You realize you and I might not even get out of this shithole.

You understand that?

Okay. Let's begin again.

Uh, fine.

So, your little fund.

You're a great investor. Why don't you come and work in-house?

What do you think? Come and work with me.

-Are you for real? -I am.

The Kielland Corp needs more spice, and right now, you're sriracha.

So what do you say?

Huh?

Boner, you with me?

It's a great offer.

Super. So we're good to go.

There's just one problem.

What? We'll fix it.

I prefer cotton candy.

What did you do?

The fuck?

Fuck me.

Master.

We're going home.

Uh…

Holy shit!

-What's the plan, Seb? -Uh, lights out.

-You said not to press it. -I know.

-Will it work? -I have no idea.

But we have to try something. I'm going for the vest.

-I'll distract him. -Yes. Go.

-No. Fuck. That way. -Ah. Yep.

Hey, hey. Whoo-hoo!

Flubber! Ugly slime demon! Whoo.

Ah, shit. Fuck.

Can we talk about it?

Shit!

Satan sucking shit.

Right.

Fuck.

Why's it so fuckin' heavy?

Oh.

Seb, press the button.

Hurry, press the button.

It doesn't work!

Kill streak.

Nine, eight,

seven,

six, five,

four,

three, two, one.

Lights out!

Mikkel.

Oh.

-Oh shit. -You all right?

Okay. Oh God.

You shoulda closed your eyes.

-Those things can't be safe for kids. -Yeah.

-What the…? -Come on, let's… Ah.

Come and get it, you fat fuckin' clump.

Audun?

Run for it. Go.

Go. Go!

He's not coming. Audun! Audun!

Audun, come!

-Someone's gotta stop it. -Hey! Just come!

-Hurry! Get out! -Please!

Run!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-The fuck was that? -What was that?

Go!

I'm okay.

Focus now, okay?

Boner?

That's you there, isn't it? No fooling around now.

Don't mess with me.

Job's at stake.

Papa?

Would you like to drive me to the hospital?

-You'll behave? -Of course.

Go on then.

Best of luck.

Don't worry. I'm fine.

Maybe I'll clean the joint.

Pelle, you okay?

What happened?

Lights. Then,

whoosh, the spaceship blasted off.

That way.

Then… collapsed.

Man.

So is it over?

Oh God, I hope so.

3 months later

-Are you ready for this? -I'm ready.

It'll be intense, very intense.

I love intense.

Okay.

You take right, I'll take left?

JOSEFINE & SEBASTIAN THANK YOU FOR CELEBRATING WITH US

Okay. Listen.

-What's important is teamwork, boys. -Mm-hmm.

You get it? So don't go in there acting like you're a hotshot hero.

Because workin' together, you can achieve anything.

Right. And have a plan.

All right! Let's get 'em!

Good to teach 'em early.

-Yep. Never too late. -Yeah.

Not a bad start for our business.

Even though I'm technically our first customer.

So, can we deduct all the costs?

Can I finish my wedding,

and we'll discuss the laser tag business on Monday? Huh?

-Partner? -Partner.

-Hey there. Hi. -Ah.

-This is so fun! -You like?

-Yeah! -It is fun.

I never knew that weddings had laser weapons.

It's really great. You teach me stuff every day.

Uh…

I shot a boy right in the face earlier.

-Uh, I don't think that -Uh, no, dear. Not now.

So, do you think that Audun would approve?

Absolutely.

To Audun?

To Audun.

-To Audun. -Cheers.

Mm.

But, guys. One thing.

Uh, there are some dudes in there

saying they're the best laser tag team here at this wedding.

-What? -Mm-hmm.

Okay.

-So… -We can't have that.

No, we really cannot.

-Huh? -Sean Beam?

Pew Jackman?

Let's go.

Audun?

What folks say about aliens at Hessdalen?

They were telling the truth.

We're aboard their spaceship, on our way to their home planet.

Do you know what time it is?

It's time to kill.

Uh, I don't mean that we're gonna kill.

I really shoulda said that we'll be killing time

because we have time, right? Right.