Original subtitles

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Ha!

Oh, great, another blender.

I can make hummus for the entire nation state.

Somehow, I thought when you were king

we'd be having a little more fun

and a little less heavy lifting.

Hey, can we put this down?

I think I'm gonna break something I might need.

Ugh.

To be crowned King of Corinth

and get all this stuff?

Where do I sign up?

Oh, nice likeness, Jason.

Oh...

Now, this is exactly how I will remember you.

I've just received word a special tribute from.

Cadmus has arrived.

What's Cadmus?

King Cadmus of Aegea.

He's this cranky old guy my father used to bend over

backwards to keep peace with him.

All right, well, we'll go get it,

but next time, we start charging

by the mile.

Looks just like you.

Come on, let's go.

Aww, man.

I don't know, you think this looks like me?

Uhhh...

I am Lady Yeta.

And this is Princess Dido.

I am lolaus.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Ugh!

Hercules.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, um, we're supposed to pick up a package for Jason

from King Cadmus.

Princess Dido.

Oh, yes, hi.

- We met. - Hi.

The King has sent his daughter to marry

your Jason... To be his queen.

I am not gonna marry her.

You don't want to marry Princess Dido?

I am not gonna marry her.

Well, I guess you're gonna be king,

you don't want to restrict yourself to one person.

Ow!

I don't understand.

What kind of a person thinks another person

makes a good stocking stuffer?

But what a stocking stuffer.

Iolaus!

It's that old tradition, you know,

princess marries eligible king,

or in your case, soon-to-be king.

I am not gonna marry her!

So, it's war with Cadmus.

Mindless, pointless, meaningless war,

complete with body count.

Hey, what if you got sick?

I'm not gonna marry her!

Ah!

Tell her dad your face got warped, huh?

Think of the grandchildren!

Too bad you're not in love.

That's it, you're in love!

No, no, you're getting married.

You are married.

I am not getting married!

No, no, no, no, no, no,

not getting married, baby, you are married,

you are married, right?

And if you're already married...

You can't get married!

Ophistus?

Well, I suppose we could throw something

together last minute.

No, there's no time.

Cadmus is on his way here with a squad of troops.

He'll be here in a matter of hours!

Ugh, talk about a sword-point wedding.

Okay, we need to not panic.

And we need to find a bride.

Hey, yes, what about

that red-haired bard girl?

She seems like a good sport.

No, no, no, we need someone now.

We need someone we can trust.

We need a...

Queen for a day.

Hmm, yes, yes, but no, no...

Hello, Lilith.

Hello, Princess Lilith.

Princess...

In an age of light and darkness,

Zeus, king of the gods,

ruled the universe.

He had a son, Young Hercules.

Half-god, half-man,

Young Hercules longs to find

his place in the world, the father he's never known,

and what it means to be a hero.

Before the man became legend,

before the legend became myth,

came the greatest adventure of all.

And, of course, we have the royal barn,

complete with, um, straw, hmm.

It's all very impressive.

Oh, it's endless!

When will Prince Jason be joining us?

We're just so looking forward

to meeting him, before the wedding.

Huh.

What's next?

Um... how 'bout the royal pigsties?

Jason wants you guys to feel right at home.

Well, I mean, he wants you to

feel welcome anywhere, everywhere, any time.

After you...

And you.

Take your time!

Forgive me, Dido.

Sweet Dido.

Ew!

Here, put this down.

Oh, no, no, no.

Yeah, she's good.

Shoulders back.

Okay, again.

Ugh...

Perhaps just a little vigorous.

Think wrist.

Wrist.

Slow down, slow down,

you're not stoking a campfire.

Yes, yes, I think she's got it!

Ugh, ow.

This is never gonna work.

Nobody's gonna believe she's a princess.

No offense, Lilith, thanks for trying.

Prince Jason, wait, please.

Yeah, um, yeah, you just need

more practice, that's all.

We're gonna go stall King Cadmus

and buy some more time.

Let's go stall him.

Wah!

Heee-ya!

Ya!

You must be Princess Dido.

How did you find your way in here?

Well, after lolaus left, Lady Yeta and I managed

to pick our way through the pigsty.

I saw a back hallway and just...

So, you bagged out.

It's just that with Father coming

and the wedding...

So, you don't want to marry Jason?

How do you know?

Well, you weren't crying in that happy kind of way.

I'm in love with somebody,

but no one's supposed to know.

Even Father doesn't know about us.

Well, why don't you tell him?

He'd never allow it.

I'm a princess.

Antos is a commoner.

Worse, he's a balladeer.

Father has very strict rules about that sort of thing.

Oh, but not about passing his daughter off

as some castle-warming present?

Who are you?

I'm Lilith, Jason's wife.

I don't understand.

Wait... I do understand.

Jason doesn't want to be married either.

Nothing personal.

But it looks like I get to be queen

for a day.

May I help?

Hercules, I do not feel

good about this.

Iolaus?

Yes?

You'll do fine.

Now, just stall these guys as long as you can,

I'm gonna go get Jason.

I sure hope King Cadmus and his army buy this.

Hey boys, while you're in Corinth,

try chicken in a silex, a complete chicken dinner

for only two dinars.

That's right, two dinars,

and I mean complete.

Hey, I got a few yolks for you boys.

Get it, yeah, yolks?

You're laying an egg, pally.

Oh!

And now it's on your face.

Sometimes I don't know why I crossed that road.

Princess.

Sorry I couldn't meet with you sooner.

This whole coronation thing's been a bit overwhelming.

Made worse by preparing for a wife you never chose.

What does that mean?

Lilith told me about how you didn't really want to marry me.

You'll not have her, ole hollow-hearted knave!

What?

What is going on?

Antos, my darling, what are you doing?!

Who are you?

King's son you may have been born,

but greater than king's hand must be the hand

to win my maid.

Huh?

Who is this guy?

Dad's balladeer.

And what do you mean, "have her"?

I'm getting tired of being referred to

like... like a...

like...

A blender?

Exactly!

Like a blender.

Whoa!

Ugh.

Hey guys.

Another minion for passion's diminution?

What, oh?

No, no, English.

Oh, I think if we could just talk about this...

My blade shall speak for me!

Yee-ah!

Um, who's this guy?

I have no idea.

King Cadmus!

Your dad...

He's here...

No need to announce me,

I've fought your king's father.

Almost beat him once, too.

Cadmus, good to see ya.

Father spoke highly of you.

Although, I don't remember

you two fighting.

Some wars are fought on the battlefields,

some in throne rooms.

You'll learn.

How's my beautiful princess?

Father.

Sir, I have to tell ya.

Of all the coronation presents,

you ordering your daughter

to marry me is definitely

a sentimental favorite, and it's a lot better

than a goat.

But you're too late, I'm... I'm already married.

You think yourself brave?

Unhand me, you knave.

Okay, here's the deal,

Jason doesn't even want to marry her.

Liar.

Who would not want to wed the fair

and fairest Dido?

Ahh, I'm sure she's real swell

and everything, okay, but Jason's spoken for.

Well then my resolve shall be twice doubled

for having been once delayed!

I shall proclaim myself to Cadmus

ere day's end.

To Cupid's plea will his ears bend.

Ah, okay, the couplets?

They gotta go.

Unhand me, you fiend.

You, married?

To whom?

Uh, a childhood sweetheart, my lord,

from another land.

From far, far away.

And pray tell me,

where is this fairytale princess?

Uh...

Well, she's sleeping...

Don't toy with me, boys.

I had a devil of a time getting here.

Show me your blushing bride.

Else dress for a wedding,

or a war.

Uh, it appears that the princess

will be unable to join us this evening.

You see, she's resting.

Unfortunately, she's turned her ankle...

Riding.

I'm afraid I had rather a foolish accident.

King Cadmus.

Princess.

We get through dinner, then we get Cadmus

outta here, okay?

Where's Antos?

Jugged.

Eat fast.

Jugged?

Why, thank you.

Hey, fish and feta popovers.

I wanted to make sure you

had all your favorite foods.

My beloved wife, the late queen,

used to do exactly the same thing.

Whoa, oh!

What?

Hey, lolaus, you silly boy,

look at that.

It's all over you.

Iolaus always lightens the mood around here.

He's messy, but he's funny.

That's part of his charm.

Uh, oh, uh, pork?

Your friend's a bit common,

don't you think?

Even for a commoner.

Oh, if you only knew.

Oh, careful, dear.

Oh, you probably think I'm being

terribly overprotective.

It's just that my husband hurt

his shoulder recently.

No, not at all.

A loving wife should look after her husband.

And it seems she is a loving wife.

You honor me, sir.

Whoa!

What did I tell you, messy but funny.

I could watch him all night.

Messy food on your lap there...

Okay, now, I have to ask, who...

Clam up, pestle head!

Sorry, uh, she, uh, she was raised

around a lot of immature brothers.

Forgive me, I have not yet

grown into the proper role of wife

and queen.

And besides, he really is

a pestle head.

My wife's great, isn't she?

Oh, she's lovely.

You'd almost believe she was a real princess.

My daughter would have made him a fine wife.

Mmm, yes, but the one

he's got's not too shabby, either.

Quite right.

Forgive me, madam, it's clear you were

meant for your Jason.

Oooh, whoa!

Mad be such divine madness.

What?

Antos!

What are you doing here?

My destiny is led by an aching heart.

Hi-ya!!

This is no princess.

I'm a king, boy.

I've buried princes older than you.

I... I tried to avoid this situation.

You refuse my daughter, and hand me some fake

marriage to this... this...

this she-warrior!

You're right, I'm no princess.

And no bride.

But I am bound to Jason as if he were my brother.

Shall I make him your blood brother?

Whoa, now, there's no need for that.

I'm not gonna marry someone I don't love.

And your daughter shouldn't either.

With all due respect, Your Highness,

I remember that you said at dinner that

a wife should love her husband,

just like your wife loved you.

Father...

I want to marry Antos.

We're in love.

Woohoo!

Silence!

It's one thing not to marry Jason,

it's another to marry a commoner.

Quiet, you old fool!

My sister was the late queen,

and you loved her, didn't you, Cadmus?

And she loved you.

She loved you, married you,

and made you king.

Hold on a second, you weren't even a prince?

Prince?

He was a corporal, cute as the dickens though.

But that was my sister for you.

She didn't care what anyone thought.

That may be, but this one

isn't even a warrior.

He's a balladeer, for Zeus' sake!

And he overacts, at that.

Ahh, by things measure felt,

must it be done.

See?

What does that even mean?

Oh, Daddy, don't you see?

He makes me laugh.

You love him?

Absolutely.

Well, it seems like there'll be a wedding,

after all.

Well, Your Highness, you do understand why.

Lilith and I did what we did,

don't you?

Of course.

You were both helping Jason.

You must never deny a king anything.

It's been a pleasure,

and an honor to meet you,

young lady.

Oh...

Hey.

For you.

Oh?

A far simpler tribute.

Perhaps you can use this one.

Well, thank you, sir.

You're about to become a king, son.

Kings don't call other kings "sir."

Oh, well, thank you, King.

You'll learn.

All fortunes favored to you, my friends.

For thou has given me my good fortune.

Whatever.

Yeah, what's he talking about?

Lilith!

I'm coming.

Bye!

Oh, nice catch, Your Highness.

Hey, how do you think Lilith's gonna do

at the academy now that she's been a princess?

I don't think Cheiron's gonna let her back in.

I don't know, I think maybe

the academy could use a princess or two.

Oh, oh, okay, okay.

I have to admit, she had me going

for a while.

All that stuff about my favorite food

and everything.

I never thought of Lilith that way.

Oh, sweet mystery,

thy name is-ith Lilith.

That's pretty good.

Now all you need's that goofy hat.

Oh... you've got to be kidding me.

Another blender?