Original subtitles

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Ah, I love riding through the country

with my two best friends.

Yeah, especially when there's a war brewing.

Booby traps in the bushes.

Snipers behind every tree.

Would you guys relax?

We're under a flag of truce.

We're meeting at the sacred altar,

nothing's gonna happen.

Jason, Sparta and Thebes are always fighting.

Why get involved?

'Cause now they're fighting next to Corinth,

and if they go to war,

I don't wanna see my people get hurt.

So, why should they listen to you?

Because he's Jason!

Crown Prince of Corinth.

Honest and true.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Now, now, gentlemen.

Ares.

You remembered.

I'm flattered.

I've been trying hard, real hard to start

a war between Thebes and Sparta.

And I just cannot have you butting in

promoting peace.

What are you gonna do about it?

I think my associates will make sure

that peace is not given a chance.

Strife, Discord!

- Hello. - Goodbye.

Whoa!

Whoa, wait, whoa!

May the horse be with you.

Always.

Young Prince Jason better get here soon,

or these peace talks are canceled.

I only spend this much time

with Thebans...

when I'm conquering them.

I see that the Spartans

have as little patience as they do intelligence.

Stop!

I can't hold on.

Okay, okay, I got an idea.

Iolaus, take the reins.

Take 'em, take 'em.

All right, Jason, come here.

I'm gonna unhitch the horses.

It's not moving!

Whoa!

- Let go! - Let go!

What?

Let go!

If Jason doesn't show up,

then we're going to war.

We're wasting time here.

At least we agree on that.

This meeting's over.

Whoa!

I'll see you again.

On the field of battle.

All hail Ares, god of war.

Lean right!

Lean to the left!

Whoa.

Okay, all right, now, I got an idea.

What?

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Turn right!

Now to the left.

Put in it the creek!

Okay!

Whoa!

Hercules, what are we doing?

You okay?

"Let go."

- Iolaus. - Hey.

Hey, he's hurt.

Oh, I should've let go.

In an age of light and darkness,

Zeus, king of the gods,

ruled the universe.

He had a son.

Young Hercules.

Half-god, half-man.

Young Hercules longs to find his place

in the world,

the father he's never known,

and what it means to be a hero.

Before the man became legend,

before the legend became myth,

came the greatest adventure of all.

We gotta find a place for you to rest.

No, no, I'll be fine.

Just drop me off at the next Vestal Virgin training camp.

That's the old lolaus.

Don't worry, buddy, we're gonna get you help.

Then we gotta find a way to get Strife

and Discord back for what they did.

- Okay. - Come on.

Over there, there's a barn.

Oh, look at that axle, Timor!

You broke it!

That's it, I've had it.

I give up.

Don't give up, Uncle.

We... we could fix it.

I'm not talking about the cart, Timor.

I'm talking about you.

You're hopeless!

I try to teach you how to be a farmer,

but you kill every crop you plant.

I even tried to teach you how to fight!

But you're scared of your own shadow.

This guy sounds like a real prize, huh?

There's a war a-brewing.

I gotta go to town to get some supplies

in case we get cut off.

Excuse me, sir?

Ares.

Look, about what happened outside...

sorry, it's just that I thought

that you were, uh...

Why are you looking at me like that?

Well...

except for the fact that you're not

attacking me...

I could swear that I'm sitting at the table

with Ares.

You are?

Where is he?

No, no.

I'm saying that you

look like the god of war.

Oh.

So, this...

Ares guy, he looks like

the god of war, too, huh?

Uh, no, no.

I'm saying that Ares is the god of war.

You see, he's...

Okay, let's do it this way.

Ares and I have the same father, Zeus.

But Ares' mother, Hera, my mother, Alcmene.

Now, Hera... that's this one right here...

She's a god, but Alcmene,

no, no, no.

Are you getting any of this?

- No. - Oh, okay.

Well, that's okay.

It's confusing for me, too.

Timor, right?

Jason.

We have a proposition for you.

We wanna make you become Ares.

Yeah, it'll be fun, huh?

Introduce you to a couple of people.

You get to boss them around,

have a few laughs, huh?

What do you say?

I don't know.

Just hold that thought.

Jason, over here.

You gonna use him as bait or something?

No, a weapon.

We make Strife and Discord

think he's Ares,

he keeps them busy while I go put

the peace talks back on track.

Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.

Okay?

Discord and Strife figure out

that he's not Ares, he's toast, all right?

They'll never know!

Look at him!

What do you say, Ares?

- Oh, dear. - Ares is cool.

Hercules, we'll coach him, we'll teach him.

We gotta make this work.

If we don't, thousands of lives

could be lost.

Well, you know, gee, fellas...

Um, I'd like to help you, I would, but, you know,

you heard what my uncle said.

I mess everything up.

And I would.

I-I'd let you down.

Timor.

Think about the honor.

- Hmm? - Think about the rewards.

- Reward? - Shh.

Can't believe that you're doing this.

Hey.

You'll be a hero.

Girls love heroes.

Girls.

You're scaring me, Timor.

Thebes and Sparta are going to war

in two days.

Your farm is right in the middle.

It's gonna be destroyed unless you help us.

Yeah, what do you say?

Yeah, okay.

- Yeah. - All right.

Sorry, I didn't mean it.

Let me get that.

I'm sorry.

I... that... no.

One, two...

No, no!

No!

You don't do that.

You're Ares, god of war.

You don't give people things.

You take things away.

- Who are you? - I'm Ares, god of war.

No, come on say it!

I'm Ares, god of war.

- Say it and mean it. - I am Ares, god of war.

I am Ares, god of war!

Yeah.

- Oh. - Ooh.

Gentlemen...

we have an Ares.

Are you sure Strife and Discord hang around.

Ares' altar?

We'll find out, won't we?

- Okay, here we go. - All right.

Okay, all right, all right.

I'm going, I'm going.

We come in peace!

Ow!

Looks like that little ride in the chariot

didn't hurt you after all.

Did you think we wouldn't catch you

trying to keep the peace.

Uncle Ares would want us to hurt them.

Where should we start?

Don't bother!

Let me.

Mm-hmm.

How dare you desecrate my altar.

As Zeus as my witness,

I vow my punishment will be swift and severe.

No, don't hit Hercules or I will hurt you!

Ah, don't throw me back.

Please, Ares, no!

Whoa.

Oh, come on!

Oh, I meant...

Oh, boy.

They're in trouble now.

What do you mean they?

That was just a warm-up.

You're the ones who are in for it.

- Us? - Say what?

Yeah!

You disgrace me by the way you

treat my beloved half-brother Hercules.

You're disobedient and you're insolent.

And you're naughty!

Naughty?

Don't interrupt me!

Hey, she said it!

Now you will both be punished!

Oh, not the leather!

Ow!

I think they fell for it.

Hey, you and Timor keep him busy.

I'm gonna go stop a war.

- All right. - Take that.

Endure the wrath of Ares.

Hurry up.

We don't wanna make Ares more mad.

Ugh.

What's happening here?

All of a sudden Ares loves Hercules.

Ares hates... us.

No, no, no, no.

It has to be some kind of trick.

Maybe Ares wants something from Zeus

and is trying to get on his good side.

Well, whatever it is,

we better find out 'cause I don't think

I can take much more of this.

I really think that we are

pushing our luck here.

No, no, no, no.

The plan's working perfectly.

Look, check it out.

All right.

When you're done watering the garden,

you can, uh...

plow the fields and...

Oh, and slop the hogs.

Slop the hogs.

And tell 'em to dig a big well.

Yeah, and dig a big well!

Yeah.

Right!

Hi-yah.

That's it.

I quit.

Blast me, fry me, broil me.

I don't care.

Blah!

All right, you shall both feel my wrath.

Let's not be hasty.

See, problem solved.

Everyone's happy.

Oh.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, no, no, no, he's fine, he's fine.

Look, he's okay, look over there.

You're fake.

You're history.

Eh.

Well...

that went well, don't you think?

Strife!

Discord!

Jason is back at the peace talks.

Where are you?!

Oh, that clumsy.

There he goes again.

That is enough of that.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, ho, you will be begging

for more than my pardon

when I am through with you, mister.

Who do you think you are, huh?

I am Ares, god of war.

You are a loon.

That is what you are.

Huh?

No.

You leave him alone.

What is this?

Some kind of bad joke?

You're the joke, Ares.

Call yourself a god.

Well, you're not the kind of god

I'd ever wanna worship.

You make people suffer.

You demand respect but you do nothing

to earn it.

You're nothing but a bully.

How dare you speak to me like that.

You have no idea of the power I possess!

You can't do anything worse to me

than I've already done to myself.

Watch me.

Timor, move.

You lumbering oaf.

You cannot escape the wrath of Strife.

You do not wanna be doing this, Strife.

Oh, I've been wanting to do this for such

a long time.

Not so bold when the tables are turned, are you, Ares?

Not happy!

Oh.

Hi, Unc.

You're the real Ares, aren't you?

Yes!

Come.

Come, come, come, come.

That was pretty brave standing up

to Ares like that.

You mean I did okay?

Okay?

I'm proud of you.

Where's Strife and Discord?

Oh, Ares took 'em up to Olympus

for a little bit of a chat.

Oh.

Ooh.

Well, that ought to keep him

out of the way long enough

for Jason to sort out the peace talks, huh?

Wait a second, we can help.

You game?

You bet.

Okay.

I'd like to thank you both for agreeing

to meet me here.

Now, Sparta here, Thebes here.

And the valley in between is a buffer.

If you'd shown us this when you promised,

it might've worked.

- But now... - It's too late.

We cannot stop the war.

Gentlemen, please.

Please, there's gotta be a way we can sign

this peace treaty.

A little more to the right.

Okay, let her rip.

Okay, here we go.

Hold it.

Here we go.

Three...

two...

one.

What's the meaning of this?

Who are you?

I am Ares,

god of war.

And you're unfit to lick the soles

of my sandals.

It's not Ares.

What?

Timor.

Oh.

Ares, impossible!

No, no, no.

He's Ares, all right.

Great Ares.

You have come to destroy Thebes

for the greater glory of Sparta.

No, you are here to watch over Thebes

as we annihilate the unworthy Spartans.

Quiet!

Both of you.

It is I who decides whose has a war, where,

and with whom.

This pathetic skirmish of yours

is totally unauthorized.

So, stop it!

You understand?

- Yes, sir! - Yes, sir!

Sign the treaty.

Whoa.

Well...

I'm gonna talk to my uncle.

Hope he's not mad.

Oh, well, you just remind him

that you helped save a lot of lives, huh?

And his farm.

Might even ask him for a raise.

Ooh.

See ya, big guy.

Hey.

Oh, ooh, sorry.

Ow.

God of war, grr.

- Okay. - See you, Timor.

So, what's next?

What do you mean?

The identical twin thing.

Come on, it worked so well

I think we should do it again.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, come on.

We dress someone up to look like Her...

Sorry, sorry, I can't hear you.

Zeus, come on, we'll dress him up...

No, your lips are moving, I...

Come on, guys, please!