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1 That's all for today.

I'm letting you all go early.

So that you can have extra time

to study for your final exams tomorrow.

Fiducius will proctor the exams,

so I assume you will all be on time.

Hey, Fiducius,

how about letting us have a peek at the test?

- Just a peek. - Come on!

I wanna see it.

If you'd been paying attention in class...

Hey, ooh!

As I'm sure none of you were,

you wouldn't be worried about the test,

you'd know it.

Hey, Fiducius,

it was just a joke.

A joke to you, perhaps.

I've seen how the standards of this school have dropped,

especially with certain

marginal types being allowed in.

And you can be sure I'll be locking these up someplace

where your sticky fingers can't find them.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Hey, Jason, we need someone strong in battle science

for our study group.

You in?

I can't, but, uh,

Hercules is good in calculation

and Lilith is a phenom in star navigation,

so ask them.

As long as lolaus isn't part of the package.

Oh, well, it's your loss, not mine.

I got an edge.

I got a whole year's worth of notes

boiled down to one scroll.

An hour of this and I'm done studying.

Where'd you get this?

Caleef, the Carp-thian student that graduated last year.

Carpathian?

That's what I said, Carp-thian.

With Caleef's notes, I'm gonna leave you in the dust.

Have you looked at this yet?

No, why?

I hope you can read Carpathian.

Come on, Jason, we can't... We can't leave him all alone.

I can't help him.

I'm late for a meeting anyway.

Listen, that kid will figure it out, he always does.

See ya.

Okay.

That's what I'm worried about.

Whoa.

Look out, lolaus.

Fiducius's office.

Okay, now where did Fiddle-face hide those tests?

Oh.

That was easy.

Hold on.

These aren't test scrolls.

What?

Okay.

Okay, don't panic, lolaus.

There's got to be a way.

There's always a way.

Fiducius will be happy to see me fail.

Iolaus.

"Order of the magistrate"

regarding probationary cadet lolaus.

Pursuant to original agreement,

cadet will maintain a passing grade each term

"or be returned for fulfillment of original sentencing."

If lolaus doesn't pass,

he's going to jail.

In an age of light and darkness,

Zeus, king of the gods,

ruled the universe.

He had a son.

Young Hercules.

Half-god, half-man,

young Hercules longs to find

his place in the world,

the father he's never known,

and what it means to be a hero.

Before the man became legend,

before the legend became myth,

came the greatest adventure of all.

I'll show Fiducius.

Let's see, uh,

five nines are, uh...

Um, 45.

Huh.

45.

You know,

I haven't done that trick since I was seven.

Only, uh, it was to pass secret messages,

not so you could cheat.

I'm not cheating.

I'm trying to conserve scroll paper.

Do you know how expensive it is?

Did you sleep through ethics class?

I tried.

If Cheiron catches you cheating,

it's a one way ticket out of here, okay?

There's no second chances.

Well, I've already got a one-way ticket out of here

if I don't pass my finals.

I know.

I read it.

You should thank me.

When they throw me out of here,

Fiducius will probably throw a school holiday to celebrate.

Don't joke about this, lolaus.

Jail's not funny, all right?

I'm not joking.

Fiducius has had it in for me since I got here,

you know that.

If you worked half as hard at studying

as you do at finding ways not to study,

you'd be top cadet, I promise you.

Look, I came here to learn how to fight.

Not how to conjugate.

I fight, we fight, she fights, he fight...

Who cares?

I just say, "Fight."

Fight.

Yes.

You're good at fighting too, aren't you?

Yes, I'm a natural.

Yeah, and you don't like to do things

- that are too hard for you. - No.

Wouldn't want to pop a brain muscle.

Exact... hold on.

Hold on, what are you saying?

That I can't study?

Well, can ya?

I... I can study.

I can study harder and faster than any of you.

Really?

Prove it.

You meet me in the dining hall in five minutes.

See you there.

Where are you going?

To get help.

They won't come.

All right, all right, attention, attention.

What's going on?

We're holding an emergency study group for lolaus.

Who's "we"?

Everyone.

We'd like to help Iolaus, Hercules,

but face it, academics just isn't his speed.

I mean, did you ever think that maybe

he just doesn't have what it takes?

Oh, Gregor, my ironic little friend.

That's what everybody said about you

when you couldn't keep your balance

on the vertical logs.

Yeah, but, uh,

as soon as you showed me that trick you do with your eyes,

I could...

Yeah, uh-huh.

Hey, that's not the same.

Isn't it though?

Now you once told me that if I ever needed anything...

Anything... I should just ask you.

Well, guess what?

I'm asking you.

I'm asking everyone, all right?

To the dining hall.

Tonight he's gonna get it right.

Tonight, tonight he's gonna get it right.

I told you that they'd come, come on.

And they're very, very excited to be here, right?

Right?

Yeah!

Oh, okay.

So, where do we start?

Delphinus, Canes Venatici.

- Uh, Aquilas. - Yes, yes.

- Cygnus. - Yes, that's right.

Keep going!

Oh, I forget it.

That's because you're reciting them

in some sort of random order.

So?

Well, you've gotta have some sort of system.

Like, um, like alphabetical order.

Andromeda, Aquila, Auriga,

Boötes, Camelopardalis.

I like to picture them as they appear across the sky.

Aquarias, Aries, Cancer.

No, no, no, no, no.

There has to be a story to it.

And some music.

♪ Ursa Major, Ursa Minor ♪

♪ How could anything be finer ♪

♪ With Polaris ♪

♪ Pegasus and Draco ♪

♪ Like to fly across the crown ♪

♪ Of Borealis ♪

You make up a song for everything?

Well, yeah, doesn't everybody?

No.

Here.

You're a giant bear.

Come on, put your hands up, come on.

Now say it with me.

- Ursa Major. - Ursa Major.

- Ursa Major. - Ursa Major.

- Ursa Major. - Ursa Major.

What am I doing?

This is pathetic.

What's up with that guy?

Hey, lolaus, we're not the ones

who can't remember a simple list.

You know, Gregor, how 'bout we step out...

What about Mnuemonocle's trick, you know?

It's where you make a word out of the first letter

of whatever you're trying to remember.

Let's say you use HOMES, right,

for the five major battles of the Antillean War?

- HOMES? - Yeah.

It's like you got Hellesta, Orenga,

Metinus, Eurupar,

and Sisythile.

So like HOMES.

Yes.

I did that last year, it actually works.

Yeah, HOMES.

HOMES, HOMES, HOMES.

Okay, just stop.

Stop, everybody, stop!

My brain is gonna explode.

From what?

You haven't remembered a single thing

we've tried to cram into it.

Well, I can't learn it your way.

Then learn it your own way,

if you can figure out what that is before tomorrow morning.

Hey, you promised that you would help.

Forget it, Hercules, I don't care how many favors I owe you,

you can't make me stay.

Come on, you guys, we're out of here.

Did you make them come here?

Oh.

Well, "made"...

wait, it's such a hard word, lolaus.

Maybe I influenced 'em.

Fine, go, I don't need to twist anyone's arm to help me.

Okay, well, that's fine, but you see,

we're running out of time here.

What we need here is a plan.

What we need is anything.

Well, maybe it's just hopeless.

Maybe I'm just stupid.

That's when you're supposed to jump in with,

"No, lolaus, you're not stupid, you're very intelligent."

Oh.

No, lolaus, you're not stupid,

you're very intelligent.

You don't think I can do it.

I'm doomed.

Nobody thinks that you're stupid, lolaus,

but we're not really sure what to do, okay?

Everybody else has already given up on me.

You guys might as well go to bed too.

What are you three doing here at this hour?

Place is all lit up like Phoebus' chariot.

These things cost dinars, you know.

We were studying for exams.

Waste of time.

Waste of candles.

Waste of effort.

Actually, I don't think we're finished studying.

Are we, guys?

No, no, Fiducius, we're not.

So...

Dinars.

We'll show him.

Hm.

All right, let's do it.

Okay, let's see.

Uh, two chariots leave Rome

at sunrise on the equinox.

One is, uh...

Uh, I don't know.

Much closer than the last time though.

Yes, but still much wrong.

No offense, lolaus, but I wouldn't bet

a Cirilian dinar on your chances.

Yeah, well, Cirilia doesn't use dinars,

they use a coin called a mentaph.

No, they don't.

You wanna bet?

Must you turn everything into a wager?

Ooh, but I must.

See, I like to take chances.

Oh, what have we here?

A Cirilian mentaph coin.

Come on, pay up.

She didn't bet anything.

Oh, right.

Let me see that.

Well, they started minting these before the invasion.

You see, they didn't have any gold so they used copper.

Pst.

It's got a little sheaf of wheat...

How's he doing?

Not good.

Where'd you get it?

I...I can't remember.

Probably a gift from one of my many female admirers.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, let's see where you went wrong.

Okay, we have...

Has he learned anything yet?

Well, he can barely add,

but somehow he knows all this stuff

about Cirilia.

Okay, with me?

He's even got a Cirilian coin.

Yeah, he probably got it from his father.

His father, what do you mean?

His father's a solider.

He's fighting a war in Cirilia.

Going that way.

How come he told you that and not me?

Um, probably 'cause I'm better lookin'.

Watch this.

Iolaus, when's the snow fall in Cirilia?

Uh, there's no snow, but they've got a monsoon season

that lasts for about three months in the summer.

What's the language?

Oh, it's a mix,

kind of corrupted Egyptian

with a few tribal dialects.

Why?

Test should be on Cirilia.

Yeah.

Well, maybe it is.

What do you mean?

Well, the last part of the final

is the geography exam, right?

It counts for half your total score.

You mean when Cheiron makes us write an essay

about one of the kingdoms that we've studied?

Cirilia's one of the topics we've studied.

Um, lolaus, what do you know about literature

and population, music, stuff like that?

Well, the population is 70,000 before the invasion,

it's 50,000 afterwards if you include the refugees.

Uh, Zachs I is the poet laureate.

He writes stuff about the warriors praising them,

it's really dry stuff.

The music is all percussion.

No strings, no pipes.

Iolaus, no wonder your brain can't take in anything new.

It's because it is filled with information on Cirilia.

Well, yeah, I'm still a bit hazy on the geopolitical stuff,

the dates get all blurry.

But I think if we hurry, you know, we might be able to...

This whole plan depends on Cheiron choosing Cirilia

as the geography question.

You know, it's taking a pretty big chance, don't you think?

Mm-hm, well, what can I say?

I like to take chances.

Let's do it.

All right.

I can do this, yeah, I can do this.

Okay, come on, put her there.

- I'm not gonna fail. - No!

- Not gonna go to jail! - No!

Now, come on, lolaus, what's the capital of...

Palvernia!

Come on, that's a baby question.

Come on, ask me something hard,

asking me something really hard like, uh,

like, um...

I'm not ready.

Jason, I'm so not ready.

Hey, hey, you can do this, okay, we believe in you.

Now don't be late,

Fiddle-face will take off points.

Okay.

Right, you cannot afford

to lose any points.

I'm not going in.

I'm not going in.

I can't do this.

If I fail, they'll come after me.

If I leave now, at least I get a head start.

Okay.

Now, I'm sorry to get all deep on ya,

but if you run away from your problems now,

you'll be running away for the rest of your life.

That's very true.

I'm not going in.

Herc, I can't.

You go in there.

Right on time.

Iolaus!

The test will be given in two sections.

There will be a break before the second section,

the geography essay, which will count for half your grade.

I'm ready when you are, Fiducius.

You don't know these boys like I do.

Especially this one.

Good luck.

Open your scrolls.

And begin.

All right, how are you doing?

Okay, well, I used Dyphon's poem

to answer the question on living legends,

but I could not remember what rhymed with Orestes.

Ay!

I know, I think I'm failing.

- I'm failing. - It's okay, it's okay,

you still got geography, right?

Yeah, you know land like no man knows land.

Break's over.

Back to the test room.

Quickly.

This year's geography essay topic is...

This year's geography topic is

the Kingdom of Cirilia.

- Yes! - Yes!

- Yes! - All right!

Yeah!

Settle down.

Yes!

Yeah!

Wait, I don't know anything about Cirilia.

You can begin.

Does this belong to you?

Thank you.

Yes!

Well?

I passed.

Hey, you passed!

All right, come here.

All right, you did it.

Hey, I'm proud of you.

Thanks, man.

Well, you know, piece of cake,

it was, uh...

Well, actually, it was pretty hard.

But, you know, you guys,

you helped me and...

Well, we kind of did, we all...

Hey, did you guys hear?

Iolaus is stuck with Fiducius

as a tutor for the next three months,

Yeah.

You know, it's an honor.

Oh, yeah, sure it is.

Really; For being the most improved student.

Hey, Fiducius.

Got a minute?

Make it fast, I'm busy.

Okay.

You told Cheiron to choose Cirilia, didn't you?

And if I did?

Why?

To teach your friend lolaus a lesson.

Wouldn't you have wanted him to fail then?

If he had failed, all he would have learned

was that he should have cheated.

But in passing, barely,

because of the one subject where he truly applied himself,

Iolaus learned something different.

Not that he should have cheated

but he should have studied harder.

Hm.

So let me get this straight.

You don't have it in for lolaus?

Why would anyone think that?