All language subtitles for Unseen.2016.WEBRip.x264-ION10

(dramatic music)

- I'm not gonna lie,
yes I have prostituted.

Prostitution has been
since Jesus walked.

I'm not saying it's right and
I'm not saying it's wrong.

It's a moral judgment
on each individual.

Now when you start taking
people against their will

or raping 'em, beating
'em, or robbing 'em,

then I say, the hell with you.

Had I ever had a conversation
with the man previously?

No.

Had I ever seen him?

Yes.

But I sensed nothing,
I sensed nothing.

(typewriter clicking)

Before he put the gag in my
mouth, I could have screamed,

but something said don't do it.

But after he had his way
with me the first time,

he never took the
gag off anymore.

That day went by and it
turned into another day.

He said, "You might as
well say your prayers

"'cause I'm gonna feed you
and then I'm gonna kill you."

And then he went to sleep.

(sirens wailing)
(camera shutter clicking)

The detective told me, "You
are very lucky, young lady,"

while he's taking
these photographs.

He said, "Just last week,

"we found a lady cut
up in a suitcase."

That man had no intentions
of me coming out that house.

But God said otherwise.

(ominous music)

- Yeah, I was overachiever,
I was a A-student.

I had the best friend and we
would always compete in school.

I loved going to
school, I love learning.

I was the president of the
National Junior Honor Society

as I got older.

I was going to be
a cosmetologist.

A cosmetologist or a welder.

(laughing)

- A welder?
- A welder.

- Or maybe a 18-wheel
driver, a truck driver,

but that was my vision.

My mother and
father were married

and I think they got divorced

when I was about three or five.

I can remember the divorce.

I'm this little bitty
girl, I had two ponytails,

a brown little flower dress
on, sitting in the courtroom,

when my mother was
getting a divorce.

When my mom divorced my
dad, my dad divorced us.

He would always promise me
he was gonna come and get me

or come and see me, so I
would sit in the window

and wait for my father
who would never show up.

That's how I learned
about prostitution.

I would sit in the
window on 93rd and Cedar

and watch the women of the
night tour, or the day,

'cause they were out
in the day with boas

and little hot pants, I
didn't know what that was but,

sittin' in that window,
waiting for my daddy.

- What I heard about
crack in the early '90s

was that it was addictive.

People would do some
of everything to get
it, rob and steal.

Turned people into bums.

I know I didn't wanna
be one of those people.

When I was 13, 14 years
old, becoming a teenager,

I wanted to go to
all the parties,

I just wanted to
party, have fun.

And I started disobeying
my mother's rule.

As a mom, you know,

I know exactly what my mother
was talking about, you know,

'cause now I'm raising
kids of my own.

The day that I tried crack
cocaine, I was with a neighbor,

we were doing other
drugs, marijuana, alcohol.

She used crack cocaine
and I asked to try it.

And I tried it and I was high.

It was a rush

that I can't really describe.

It was a rush that
come over your body

and then it goes
away very quick.

So you have this high
sensation for five minutes

and then it's gone.

It was maybe once a week

and it grew to where it
was a couple times a week,

to where I had
somebody supply me,

to where I had to
buy it on my own,

to where I had no money
to buy it on my own,

so I had to use other
means to get it on my own.

In about the year 2007,

when I moved on Imperial Avenue,

other people in the
neighborhood did drugs.

People were kinda,

they were a little more
generous at that time

because I was the new
person on the street.

(gentle guitar music)

- Even as a child, Mount
Pleasant was uniquely different.

It was like a city,
town, country,

all pulled together
as one community.

You felt safe in Mount
Pleasant and we loved it.

In 1983, I started
my ministry here

in Mount Olive Missionary
Baptist Church.

It was still a vibrant area,

but there was
definitely a difference.

Jobs were beginning to thin out.

When jobs are leaving on
the right hand and the left,

your community is
far more vulnerable

to some of the
vices that destroy.

There was a time when a
preacher, or a pastor,

or what have you, or a reverend
was walking down the street,

things that were out
of sorts would stop.

Things that were
perhaps not that right,

that behavior would stop until
the pastor, the preacher,

the reverend had gone by.

Now, the respect level
is somewhat different.

In the beginning of
my addiction, I went
through a phase

common things escaped my
mind on how to do them

I couldn't wash dishes.

I would stand at the sink and
literally could not figure out

what to do first.

It was like my mind was blocked,
I would just stand there.

Standing on top of
piles of clothes.

Like, I didn't know
how to sort clothes.

It like drained me of my sense.

It drained me of my sense.

All you could think of was
crack, crack, crack, crack,

crack, crack, crack.

(somber music)

It was like Hurricane
Katrina came through

and ravaged my whole life.

Everything in my house
was just about gone.

My children's TVs are gone,

all the electronics
are gone, Xboxes.

If it was worth
something, I'd sell it.

My husband sold my son's bike.

It was horrible, horrible.

I remember once coming home
with a pocket full of money,

a pocket full of dope,
and when I get home,

everybody is on the porch.

And I'm catching
it from everybody.

My mom, my cousin, my four
children, my neighbor,

my son's friends, everybody
was just on the porch.

And I decide that I'm not
gonna stand here and take it

and I walk off, and my
10-year-old daughter follows me.

And, you know,

I couldn't choose my
child over the dope.

We fought and argued, she laid
in the middle of the street

on Broadway just to get
her momma to come home.

And I couldn't

choose my child over dope.

- I went up the first
part of the steps.

And that's when he came behind
me and put me in a choke-hold

and told me that if I screamed,

fought, or tried to get away

that he would kill me.

I screamed and that's
when he jumped up

and started closing the windows.

But I was sitting right
in front of this window

and I'm telling God that I
find myself in a situation

and to please

don't let me die when
I come out that window

because I'm about to jump.

(suspenseful music)

(phone ringing)

- [Dispatcher] Cleveland
EMS and Fire, what is--

- [Man] Hurry up to 12205--

- [Dispatcher] Slow down so
I can get the right address.

- [Man] 12205 Imperial.

She fell out the window
upstairs on the second floor.

- [Dispatcher] Is she awake?

- [Man] She kinda
awake, going in and out.

- Is she breathing?
- Yeah.

- [Dispatcher] Which
window did she fall out of,

first or second?
- I don't know.

Shit, you ask me all
(voice trailing off).

- I woke up.

I asked the nurse
for a telephone,

because I needed
to call my husband.

She told me, "Your husband rode
with you in the ambulance."

And I told her that
was not my husband.

(somber music)

- Anthony was a mean child.

The fighting, you know,

let's say you and I
were brother and sister.

I would never at you

in a way that I
would do a stranger.

Whereas Anthony, he would come
at my like I was a stranger.

(melancholy piano music)

For some reason, he felt
like Mother didn't love him.

Before everything hit the fan,

he had said a couple
of things to me,

saying that he didn't
think Mommy loved him.

And I'm looking at
him like he crazy,

like are you serious?

I think it was the
other way around.

I don't think that
he loved my mother

the way he should.

And when he showed the
lack of compassion,

she just kind of let
him do his own thing.

But he was always a mean child,

very aggressive, all the time.

- When you're in the
streets and you're involved

with street people and drugs,

everybody is for
theirself, basically.

So you start to
harden up yourself

in order to fit in
with that lifestyle.

Because if not, you
will be crushed.

I can remember times that I
have been sitting up somewhere

getting high and I started
to think about my children

and you know, wanna
talk about my children.

And even cried before, you know.

And people say if you
gonna be doing that,

you need to go somewhere else.

My children, I remember them

talking bad about me.

I remember them,
their anger was so,

they were so upset.

Because like I said, I was
around the neighborhood.

I was around their
friends and family.

And people see you and
kids could be very cruel.

"Your mother is a drug addict."

"Your mother a crack head."

And today, I know how
that felt for my children

to have to be subjected
to that because

I wanted to get high.

It was very selfish of me.

Really in my heart, I
have always been a caring

and compassionate individual.

But I wasn't myself.

(somber piano music)

- LeShan was

my third oldest child.

And when she was born,
well, I was doing drugs.

I was doing drugs
when she was born.

They had to operate on her
the first day she was born.

I stayed I the hospital with her

for I think it was 86 days.

I stayed there and
she finally came home.

She finally came home.

I stopped messing
around for a while.

I tried so hard not to go back.

But I did.

I have done lots of crazy
things in my life, you know,

to get my drugs, so I'm
quite sure when she started

doing drugs, she had to
do some of the same things

that I'd done.

It went from my mom
to me, from me to her.

And it just, it
happened like that.

(somber piano music)

- I don't really have a
lot of memories of Crystal.

We didn't have a really
good or close relationship.

I knew at a very early age
that she had a problem.

You'd just find
drug paraphernalia,

crack pipes, crack.

Sounds, I woke up in
the middle of the night,

I'd see them doing that.

Just like a kid that grows
up and watches their parents

cook breakfast every day.

It becomes the norm.

I'll never forget,
me and my sister,

for about a week-and-a-half,
ate teaspoons of peanut butter,

for breakfast,
lunch, and dinner.

And that's all, that's
the way we survived.

I had a can of peanut
butter in my bookbag.

And I would give
myself a teaspoon

and her a teaspoon
for breakfast.

And when we met up after
school, her a teaspoon

and me a teaspoon for lunch.

And for dinner, her a
teaspoon and me a teaspoon.

Crystal always
tried to get clean.

And you know she was
trying to get clean

because she was around.

I remember one day
she was upstairs

at my great-grandmother's house,

and she was on the phone crying.

She was talking about how
she wanted to get clean.

And she just couldn't,

she kept giving in

and she didn't know what to do.

She wanted to be a mother.

She wanted to be,

she wanted to be
normal, you know?

She didn't want to
be addicted anymore.

And

I don't know, I knew
when she came around,

that's what she wanted.

She wanted to be clean.

She wanted to feel loved.

She wanted to have her family.

(somber piano music)

- There's this place that's
not too far from here

we used to keep our
clothes, and we got evicted.

And we used to keep
our clothes over there.

And I kinda forgot
about that place.

And I walked past
there this summer

and I could just,
I could feel her.

I could feel her just
like she was there.

We didn't have a child,
we didn't have work.

And we would walk from one
side of town to the other

in December.

It'd take us 45 minutes to
get to where we were going,

you know, at like 3
o'clock in the morning.

The boots that she had on,

they weren't for being, like
out in the cold like that.

I remember giving
her like 120 bucks

to go get her some
really nice boots.

When I got off of work,
she had these moon boots.

They were the ugliest boots
I'd ever seen in my life.

But they were warm, and
she was happy with them.

But she didn't just get
one pair, she got two pair.

'Cause I would wrap my feet
with plastic and she said

there was no way
that I could be,

she didn't want me, you
know, my feet getting wet.

She didn't want me to get sick.

She was a very caring
person when she was sober.

(birds chirping)

- I had gotten to the
point where I was so small,

that I could wear
a 10/12 toddler.

So I would go in the store
and buy a dress or get a dress

and put it on.

And when I fixed myself up, I
would look like a little girl.

And it would show,

I got a lot of approaches
and a lot of dates,

just because I looked
like a little girl.

I carhopped, I jumped
in and out of cars.

But, there ain't
even no buts in that.

I jumped in a lot of cars.

If you really looked high,
I wouldn't get in your car.

But if I seen you
in the neighborhood,

you know, you got smoke,
I'm like in your car.

So I had regular people

who you would never
even, you know,

sick people.

There's some sick
people out there.

- In 2008,

we were beginning to
follow what we call

the vision of this church.

We began to go out
and go into the area.

We would just walk
various streets,

passing out literature,

letting everyone know
who we are as Mt. Olive.

And all we were doing was
just walking in the area.

Among the places we walked,

we walked around 123rd.

(solemn piano music)

When we stopped

at this corner

of 123rd and Imperial,
and we prayed.

I do not know,

I know now why we stopped.

I didn't know at the time.

We feel strong about being
led by the spirit of God.

There was activity in the area.

And all of it was not
uplifting activity.

Some of it was just the activity

that represents the social
ills of our community.

And as we made ready to stop,

some of the things
that were going on,

some things that maybe
didn't look as legal

or nice to me stopped.

Some of the young
men, and young ladies

that were just around,

came over and joined in
our circle of prayer.

People are looking for relief.

People that you
would least think

are concerned with
their well-being,

are very concerned.

We prayed for them.

We prayed loud, we prayed long.

- I had talked to her the
day before Mother's Day.

We talked on the
phone and everything.

And I stopped by, just
seen her, and what-not.

And I made sure I didn't
call on Mother's Day,

because I didn't feel
like I should wish her

a happy Mother's Day.

I grew up by myself, you know.

You didn't earn the title to me.

So the next day after Mother's
Day, she had disappeared.

I figured, you know,
she probably got upset

that I didn't wish
her Mother's Day.

And I talked to
her the day before.

So I gave it a few more days.

And after that, I went and
filed a police report on her.

I filed one, my
sister filed one,

and my aunt filed one.

Everybody knew
something was wrong.

Officer said, well, you
know, she's an adult.

She's over 18, she has
the right to go missing.

And there's not much we can do.

That's what the
officers told me.

I don't think that's
something they should tell me.

It's not their job to take
away somebody else's hope.

There are some good
cops out there.

There's some beautiful
cops out there.

There's some cops out
there that really do care

about their job.

But there's some out there

that just don't give
a hit, you know?

(solemn music)

I was hysterical,
I was just crying.

My head was bleeding
and everything.

And I ran across the
street to the pizza place.

I asked them can
they call the police

because a man was
trying to kill me.

They said they don't want
nothing to do with it.

I had to leave because I
was bleeding on their floor.

I don't know what they
believed, I don't know.

I don't know what they felt.

I know they were
out there laughing.

The detective that
took the report,

she had told me he
had just got finished

with 15 years for
the same thing.

She ran his jacket, I mean
rape, everything on there.

It turned out that it was
his word against mine.

I have nightmares every day.

I don't sleep at all.

In fact, my love life,
my husband, everything.

I will sleep fully clothed

on the couch.

I don't want him to
touch me sometimes.

I've been with that
man nine years.

(solemn music)

I begged, I said you
would y'all let him go?

She said, "Well,
the prosecutor says

"there just wasn't enough
evidence to keep him."

They don't listen to
women that are on drugs.

They don't listen to them.

They're nothing.

- So attitude towards
women, he was of life.

He was polite, courteous.

You know, he was like
the boy next door.

If he see a guy acting up
on a female staff member

that he likes or get along with,

then he would
confront that inmate.

That's how his persona was.

(gently dramatic music)

They had a sex offender program

inside the Grafton Institution.

And he's like, "I'm not gonna
join no program like that,

"because I don't want
nobody to know my business.

And that was one
of his main faults.

He was still in denial.

He'll say, "No matter if
they put me in isolation,

"no matter if they
put me in the hole,

"no matter they ride me out,

"no matter if I bust
somebody's head with a lock,

"or a stock, or whatever, I'm
gonna do 15 years my way."

And he did 15 years his way.

(gently dramatic music)

- I was standing out
in front of a store

when Anthony Sowell
came walking past.

In each one of his
hands he had a bag.

And a bag contained
two 40 ounces of beer.

I could hear them cling.

So I asked him, you
know, "Where you going?

"What you gonna do?

"Can I have some beer with you?"

He said, "Come on."

when I first went to the
house, it was a two-family.

But he lived in like
the attic apartment.

This day we did not go on the
third floor, where we usually,

where I had been
every other time.

We went on the second floor.

I asked him why we don't go
upstairs to his apartment.

And he told me
that it was dirty.

(people chatting)
(gently dramatic music)

We continued to do drugs.

And we moved into another room.

In that room, I remember a
blanket being on the floor,

an extension cord that was cut,

a piece of an extension cord.

And I remember him
bringing a chair.

He asked me to turn around.

And I think I'm turning around,

maybe showing him how I look.

You know, I'm tipsy, high,
no right state of mind.

And when I turned around,

he put his hand on
the back of my neck.

And really hard, he squeezed.

And I turned around
and I pushed him.

And that's when he hit me.

And he hit me in my
face really hard,

to where we ain't
playing no more.

He ripped my shirt and he made
me turn over on my stomach.

And that's when he
got the extension cord

and he put it around my neck.

When I woke up, I remember
my neck was burning.

I remember being wet.

And then I sat straight
up off the blanket.

At that time, I could
see a little bit more.

And I seen him sitting in
front of me in a chair.

I seen his eyes bulge,

because he was shocked
that I was woke.

He said he was going
to kill me and hisself,

because he knew he
was going to jail.

I told him, "You're
not going to jail."

I said, "But I ain't never
coming over here no more."

He told me he was sorry.

He'd been going through
a lot of things.

I'm like, "Well, I ain't
did nothing to you."

As he was talking
and everything,

I was still getting dressed.

We left, we walked
down the steps.

And he stood in the door and
I walked down the driveway.

I looked back a couple of times
to see was he still there.

Soon as I hit the corner,
I took off running.

(gently dramatic music)

- It's funny 'cause I would
ride down the street oftentimes

and I would see people that
looked just like Crystal.

And I would stop the car and
get a better glimpse at them.

And like, okay, that's not her.

So you always riding
down the street

and you're always looking
and wonder is that her?

Is that her?

You know, wondering, maybe
she's in a mental institution.

Maybe she, you know,
maybe she's in prison.

Then you checking
the prison records.

They don't see her.

I had been checking down
at the coroner's office

for a while now, trying to
see if they had any Jane Does.

You know, nothing.

So that's when I started
putting up the flyers.

From 130th and Buckeye
all the way down to 93rd.

From 93rd and Buckeye all
the way over to Miles.

And nobody had seen her.

It's hard, 'cause a
lot of days you spend

a lot of time wondering.

I would have never thought
that she had been killed.

- [Reporter] To some extent,
the investigation here

is just beginning.

Police are going to be
going through this house

inch by inch, trying
to determine--

- [Reporter] Police
discovered six decomposed

and dismembered bodies
inside this home.

- [Reporter] Okay,
so far no identities

on any of the victims.

But we do know that
10 bodies are those

of African-American women.

- [Reporter] What happened
in this house behind me

is simply a nightmare.

And there are a lot of
deeply disturbing questions

for authorities here.

(solemn music)

- I actually met him
around the corner,

right around like two streets.

- [Interviewer] Do you think
he was hiding something?

- No, he was in plain view.

He said meet him, I
met him on the street.

We stood there and we talked.

It was two streets away.

I met him two streets away.

He said, "I got
something to tell you."

I'm like, "What?

"What, tell me."

He said, "Everything
that they say is true."

He said, "I don't
know why I did it.

"I spazzed out.

"I'm just all fucked
up in the head."

That's exactly what he said.

He said, "I love you, I'm
gonna call you later."

He said, "But I gotta go,

"because the police
are looking for me."

And he walked off.

That's my brother and I
love him as my brother.

But I'm thinking in my head,

like Tressa, how, like
how did you not know this?

How did you not see this?

At some point, I
should have seen it.

It was crazy, it
was really crazy.

(gently dramatic music)

(gently suspenseful music)

- I've stayed in
abandoned houses.

No bathroom, no water, no heat,

no lights, no bed,
no doors, no windows.

You know, who would
want to live like that?

No food.

There's no running water.

So after the toilet's
filled, there's the bathtub.

The bathtub was the
toilet, you know?

Then there's the sink.

Then there's the rooms
that are not occupied.

Then there's the corners.

Then there's the stairs.

I mean,

the smell.

After you get high

and after you been there,

you don't pay it any,

you know, I felt that's what
I deserved in the world.

(solemn music)

- My sister called me and
told me that they came

and knocked on the
door and told her

that Crystal was
one of the victims.

You just want to,
you just hate them.

Why?

Crystal lost custody of me
when I was three years old.

I've learned to
appreciate her a lot more

since she's been gone

than I did when she was here.

- [Court Reporter]
Do you solemnly swear
that the testimony

you're about to give
shall be the truth,

the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth,

so help you God?

- My name is Vanessa Gay.

That's V-A-N-E-S-S-A G-A-Y.

- [Court Reporter] Thank you,
all right respond to this.

- [Prosecutor] Good afternoon,
Miss Gay, how are you?

- I'm here.

- [Prosecutor] How
old you, Miss Gay?

- [Vanessa] I'm thirty seven

- [Prosecutor] Focus
in on me, all right?

I'd like to direct
your attention to...

- I was standing at the bank,

and this man walked past with
a bike on his cell phone.

He stays in range so
that he could say,

"It's my birthday and nobody's
celebrating my birthday."

I told him, "I don't
celebrate birthdays,

"but happy birthday."

I'm thinking, do I stay out here

and wait for something else?

Or do I go with him?

People saying hi to
him as we walking.

Nothing to indicate or

that the whole night was
going to be terrible.

When we got to his
house, we step in

and you can feel a eerie,

just a eerie feeling.

And then the closer
you got up the stairs,

you smelled something.

And um,

I asked him, "So what's up?"

I meant, "So is
we about to smoke?

"Is we about to drink?

"What we about to do?"

He said, "Yeah, have
you got a thing?

"Why don't you make a stem?"

And I stood up and
handed it to him.

He turned his back and

put something on it.

And you heard a lighter.

You heard sizzle and
then you feel the punch.

He turned around and
punched me in the face.

Tell me to take, "Bitch,
take your clothes off."

I did exactly what
he told me to do.

He looked me in my eyes.

And I've never seen
anybody's eyes as evil.

All you're seeing
was black holes.

You didn't see a spark,
you didn't see a,

you just seen black.

As I got raped, raped, raped,

and beat and beat and beat.

It went on hours
and hours and hours.

That morning I asked him
could I use the bathroom.

And um,

he told me yeah.

- [Prosecutor] As you
walked to the bathroom,

did you notice anything--
- Yes.

- About the room on the left?

(Vanessa sobbing)

- The plastic was pulled up

and I saw something
on the floor.

(Vanessa sobbing)

It was like, it was like,

it was a body.

It had no head on it.

(Vanessa sobbing)

- [Prosecutor] Did
you use the bathroom?

- Yes.

- [Prosecutor] Was he nearby
when you used the bathroom?

- I think he was outside
the door, I don't know.

I just know I thought it
was over, the end, for real.

I just,

I kept thinking to myself, this,

I can't see why I have to,

this is not possible,
this is not real.

I'm thinking not
to cry too much or.

It was, I seen what I saw.

I had to go to the bathroom

without um,

without acknowledging anything,

without changing my expression,

without freaking out,

without crying,

without letting him
know that I seen,

I seen that, you know.

I mean, I was not supposed
to make it out of there.

Really, I was not
supposed to make it.

I was not supposed to
make it out of there.

He kept saying, "You gonna tell.

"If I let you go,
you're gonna tell."

I said, "Tell what?

"Might have been
a little rougher

"than maybe I'm used to, but,

"what am I gonna tell?"

When he got his keys.

I walked arm-in-arm,
standing right by his side,

because I felt if he got behind
me, I'm not gonna make it.

We walked up those stairs
and he opened that door,

and I was out.

I went down the street limping
and bleeding and everything.

Just done, my whole
body was done.

It was a Sunday morning.

I went to all these churches,
they turned the other way.

I heard a couple
people laugh, you know.

And nobody helped me.

Nobody helped me.

(Vanessa sobbing)

I went to the bando, and I
slept, and slept, and slept.

When I was on crack, people
already thought I was crazy.

Already didn't want
to believe an addict.

They don't want to
believe an addict anyway.

So I just stayed high.

- Thank you, Miss Gay,
you may step down.

We're going to take a break.

We'll be back in
about five minutes...

(solemn music)

We therefore unanimously find
that the sentence of death

should be imposed upon the
defendant, Anthony Sowell.

All 12 jurors have signed
their name to this very form

and have not signed
any contrary form.

Are these your verdicts,
Juror number 1?

And Juror number 2, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 3, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 4, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 5, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 6, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 7, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 8, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 9, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 10, are
these your verdicts?

Juror number 11, are
these your verdicts?

(solemn music)

- I don't think people take

serious addicts, you know?

He wasn't very careful,
yet 11 women died.

They didn't want to see.

They didn't want to see.

- It was a dream that I had.

I was sitting in the kitchen
and I was talking to her.

And she was standing over
the stove cooking chicken

and she was talking to
me and giving me advice.

You know, like motherly
advice my life.

I know what Crystal
was, you know.

She was a person
that was just sick,

a beautiful person
that was sick.

There's a lot of people
out there like that.

(gentle music and singing)

- These were real people.

These were women that belonged
to mothers and fathers.

These were women that
had family, cousins

and uncles and aunts.

And they had children.

These were women that
would be greatly missed.

But then it reminded
me of something else.

If I'm going to love someone,

be involved with them,

I gotta do it on a daily basis.

And I gotta do it
when they're lovable.

I gotta do it when
they're not so lovable.

I'll never know when I'm
talking to someone I love

for the last time.

- Dealing with this
horrific memory every day

is become easier as time go on.

Dealing with myself and
what I went through,

I had to stop being a victim.

I'm no longer the victim.

I'm a survivor.

And I heal from this
by helping others.

You couldn't never have told me,

or told anybody in,

in 2 1/2 to three years,

Lala gonna have an
associate's degree.

She gonna be attending
Cleveland State.

She gonna have a daughter
that's gonna graduate.

Her kids are gonna be with her.

She's just gonna be sober.

You couldn't have
told nobody that.

They'd be like what?

- [Interviewer] How has this
whole experience changed you?

- It's like I'm still
not fully changed.

I'm still in that cocoon.

Because I'm still

just

trying to sort things out.

I'm still finding
my place and my way

and how to keep moving forward.

So, um,

I don't take,

don't take life for granted.

I mean, really,
because death is,

it can be right
around the corner.

You know, it's not
that hard to find.

It's not that hard to find.

(somber music)

(gently dramatic music)