Original subtitles

♪ You won't admit you love me and so ♪

♪ How am I ever to know you always tell me ♪

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps ♪

♪ A million times I've asked you and then ♪

♪ I ask you over again, you only answered ♪

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps ♪

F you can't make up your mind up we'll never get started ♪

♪ And I don't wind up being partedbroken harted ♪

♪ So if you really love me say yes ♪

♪ But if you don't dear confess ♪

♪ And please don't tell me ♪

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps ♪

♪ If you can't make your mind up ♪

♪ We'll never get started ♪

♪ And I don't wind up being parted broken harted ♪

♪ So if you really love me say yes ♪

♪ But if you don't dear confess ♪

♪ And please don't tell me ♪

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps ♪

♪ Perhaps, perhaps ♪

♪ Perhaps ♪

If we renew our contract, we will get a 14% discount.

As the board's foreign language committee rep, I recommend

that we renew the oui! Contract because of the excellence of

the textbooks but also because we will save the taxpayers

valuable money.

I now open the issue to the public before we vote.

Yes, Bernard.

Thank you, Ms. Parikh.

Unless the goals of this board are for us students to become

expatriates in Paris, montpellier, or some Franco

African nation, it's irresponsible to indoctrinate us

with the French language. As I stressed in 2014,

Chinese is the language of the future.

I implore the board to fulfill its elected civil duty

and do what's in the best interest of the students

stop teaching French and begin teaching Chinese!

Let's put it to a vote then.

All those infavor of renewing our contract with oui!

Say "ay." All those opposed say "nay."

"Ay", "ay", "ay", "ay", "ay"

if my role is to be town crier, so be it.

I will inform my fellow citizens of this deprivation of duty

in an op-ed.

Our next order of business is the awarding of our future

leaders of Livingston.

This is what happens when you teach French!

C'est la vie.

Your coming down ten.

C'mon ten.

Good evening, grandpa.

How was the meeting?

As usual, it was an insult to reason.

You should accompany me sometime and lecture these amateur

officiants on true public service.

No thank you.

I couldn't stand the indigestion I get

from watching those nincompoops

who replace your grandmother

welp, I just lost. You want to play the winner?

Do wish I had a moment to spare but I must reside to my room

to draft a fulminating letter in regards to the board's

continuously sinister appropriations.

Well find a little time to do your homework.

Priorities, grandpa.

To all concerned citizens,

of the township of Livingston

the time to be apathetic has ceased.

Rise up and join me in fighting the policies

of the board of education.

Rise up.

Good morning.

Morning, sweetie.

How'd you sleep?

I slept fine. And you?

Glad one of us slept.

Oh, did you see the skirt I brought home from set?

Yeah, I did. Thank you.

The show's stylist says it is very popular with teenagers.

I thought maybe you'd like to wear it to school today.

I like it a lot, but I think I'm gonna stick with jeans.

They're are little bit more comfortable to study in.

Alright, maybe on the weekend.

Or my next recital or something.

To play it. There's a thousand actors in New York

who would love to have 'law and order' svu

that's it for your to-do list. Anything else?

What's the call time tonight?

8:15

he's gotta another joyful heart fundraiser.

What's next?

No I'm not going to L.A. we weren't even nominated.

I only do awards shows I'm going to win.

Morning, Bernard.

I have an op-ed that cannot be ignored.

I can't guarantee it can get into the publication.

I implore you to do your best.

Of this town isn't in jeopardy.

Well, I see what I can do.

I may have to cut it a little for space.

If edits are mandatory, I leave it to your journalistic wisdom

to harness the true spirit of the piece.

Thank you Bernard.

I bid you good day.

Bye, bye.

Hello, junior class.

I'd like to remind everyone that the student

council meets after school every other Tuesday.

During the first two marking periods we had pretty low

attendance, so hopefully we can pick it up for the rest of the

year. And if you have any suggestions for myself

or any other elected officer

please fill out an suggestion sheet.

And put it the box in the library.

Thank you everyone and good luck today.

Thank you Veronica.

As you all know.

Today you will be receiving your class ranking

from 1 to 382.

Based on your freshman and sophomore year g.P.A.'S

as well as your g.P.A. From the first two marking periods

if your last name begins with "a" through "g"

please see Mrs. Greenberg at the front of the auditorium

h through q see me in the back.

And r through z, see Mr. Purdy up here on stage.

Good luck everybody.

Neil Keller

Anne kimberg

klein

Veronica krauss.

Drew kunin

John larue.

Number 2?

Emma lazareth

you and the ♪1 ranked student have identical transcripts

except for the fact that he or she got an a in gym

in the second marking period of your sophomore year and you got

that marking period I had tendinitis in my hand

from writing thousands of thank you letters on behalf

it hindered my ability to climb the rope in gym.

Furthermore, I was under the impression that volunteering

for the special Olympics was extra credit.

Why else would I have volunteered?

Ope because you like to help the less fortunate.

The year is not over what if?

What if ♪1 was to get caught cheating?

Or to die? What if they were to die?

There is absolutely nothing we can do to change this.

Principal greely, I not sure if you're aware this,

72% of white females accepted to Yale university

graduate ♪1 in their class.

By being ♪2, I have a 72% chance

of not getting into Yale.

I need to ♪1.

It's not up to me. It's the system.

Well the system sucks.

I suck.

♪ 2 sucks.

♪ Upbeat music plays ♪

Your total is $51.76.

Would you like help out to your car today, honey?

No.

Paper or plastic?

Neither. I use canvas.

Total is $16.14.

I did the tabulation in my head.

And it concurs with your register.

Alright, thank you for shopping at shoprite.

Thank you.

However, I could not help but notice you did not offer me

is it because I am younger than and more abled body

than the previous customer?

You're a new shoprite employee, aren't you?

That's right.

Is this your car?

Yes.

It's a bicycle.

I will give you the benefit of the doubt

and assume you've never taken physics

my left handlebar you are disturbing the equilibrium

of my bicycle.

I will surely veer to the left, potentially causing harm

to myself or to others

dude, what's your deal?

I was merely trying to give you a lesson in Newton's law.

Good day.

Next customer please.

Salutations, postal worker Wesley.

B, man I told you, just call me Wesley.

May I have my mail please?

I misplaced my key.

Sure. No problem.

Something just came in today, I think.

Thank you.

Booya! The China express has arrived.

That's not anything like the language.

I mean I just guessed.

Next customer please.

What mysteries have you to say for yourself today,

tai-yu, my peaceful rain?

E-wo, hello, Bernard. I hope you nice.

I am now, tai-yu. I am now.

What am I supposed to do, mom?

Sweetie, on 'law & order' we take real stories

from actual headlines, if that has taught me anything,

taught me that sometimes laws are wrong

and they are gonna stay wrong until someone brave

enough comes along to change them.

If middle east turbulence continues as most Washington

think-tanks predict, will save taxpayers

an exuberant amount of money.

Thank you for your input.

So, we'll look into green bus companies.

Furthermore, I'd like to propose integrating

a "bikes and books program"

by the school district for their educational commute.

I thank you for your time.

Any other new business?

Yes. Please come forward young lady.

Hi, my name is Veronica krauss, lhs junior class president.

I would like to propose the immediate abolishment

less than 35% of high schools in the country

currently use a ranking system.

That's down 22% over the last decade.

And Livingston is in the shrinking minority

of schools left in the nation who rank students.

And I believe

this crime wave is an epidemic.

Efore you continue, Mrs. Krauss,

I should point out that we debated this topic last year and

the board voted 3 to 2 in favor of keeping class rank

ard was comprised of the same 5 so I'm afraid it's a lost cause

unless someone has changed their has anyone changed their minds?

I'm sorry, Ms. Krauss. It looks like class rank is here to stay.

Is there any other new business?

Need to consider setting a date this spring

for the board of education election.

What we need to consider, are bids on the refinishing of the

e board room door, if Bernard is gonna keep banging his bicycle

♪ melodic piano music plays ♪

How was your meeting?

Okay with a question Mark?

Okay with a question Mark

honey, what? Signal please. Ok. Slow down.

I, Bernard. I was at the school board meeting with you and

and I saw what happened to your bike.

Do you want a ride home?

I appreciate the offer.

However I must decline as I've vowed to keep my carbon

footprint to a minimum.

This is a hybrid.

Bernard this is my mom. Mom this is Bernard flannigan.

The feeling is mutual. You've raised an excellent

thank you. I'm very proud of her.

Where do you live, Bernard?

On longacre drive. The street behind pepperidge farms.

Blinkers before we merge into traffic.

There you go.

Is it that you're a junior and already have a driver's license?

That is the type of information one should reveal before

offering a ride.

Don't worry, I'm a good driver.

Slow down.

I have not missed one since 2007

what? You must have been a child

I started attending board meetings when I was 8 years old.

My grandmother instilled in me the importance of education.

My house is up here on the left.

When was the last time you cut your grass.

Allowing nature to take its course as a practice

is the world needs to embrace.

A thousand thank you's for the ride.

Of course.

What an interesting person. Is he smart?

I'm not sure what he is?

♪ Upbeat music plays ♪

How come I always gotta ride in the back?

If proper bike lanes existed

I don't have bike lanes, you gotta have bike lanes.

I'm currently working on that agenda.

I have brought you a letter urging all livingstonites

of our Guatemalan cousins' commuting program.

Well I'll see if can find space for it on the op-ed page.

Would your grandfather like something to drink?

Pa would you like a refreshment?

I believe the editor-in-chief is concerned you may

suffer a stroke.

No thank you ma'am.

No thank you.

What's he reading?

What are you reading?

'Rome before the ruins'

han amera

I love Rome.

Should've seen it before it was ruined.

Haha.

Are there any more questions I can assist you with?

No. I don't think so.

Then I bid you a good day.

Good day Bernard.

Bernard door bell.

Bernard

e don't want girl scout cookies.

Um.

Actually, it's a cake. And it's free.

Free? Why? What's in it?

Ocolate chip swirl with walnuts.

My wife was a wonderful baker. She used to make a cake

just like that.

She always used butter cream frosting.

Needs more walnuts.

Got it.

Chi-na new year arr-ive. Year of the red fire monkey.

Bernard... the baker. Says she knows you.

Hi. Sorry to just drop by like this.

Please come in and remove your footwear.

May I offer you glass lactose free milk?

I'm ok.

This actually is not a social visit.

I'm here to propose an idea to you.

May I take a seat?

I'd like you to run for the Livingston board

of education.

Both Ms. Parikh and Mr. Del tufo

are running unopposed for the re-election this may.

And I 'm sure you know their polcies are well

adrift from center

but you could be springboard for new ideas.

I mean wouldn't you like to see change?

I'm not sure if you're aware, Veronica, but I'm only sixteen

there's no age minimum to be a board member.

I checked the bylaws.

May I ask why you don't run yourself?

You're the president of our class therefore clearly

an adept politician.

The board of education is a four year commitment

and if I won, I couldn't go away to college.

I see.

So if I won, I couldn't go away to college either?

You were planning on going away to college?

The thought had crossed my mind, yes.

Of course it had.

What if you... Um took a year off?

Studies show that students who take a gap year

between high school and college

do even better when they return to school

if I was required to stay in New Jersey,

I could not only pursue higher education at one

of the garden state's fine schools but also

continue to look after my grandfather.

Exactly. Plus you'd make your grandma proud.

I mean you did say she instilled in you

the importance of education... right?

What did the girl want?

She ask me to run for the board of education.

Haha... and?

And... I'm going to heed the call

you're sure?

No.

Good. That's the correct answer.

Hello sir. How are you today?

O.k. First order of business.

We need to submit a petition with over a 200

signatures to city council.

My circle of acquaintances is slightly under that

threshold.

Well, that's why you have a campaign manager.

Excuse me, shoprite shopper, may I ask if you are

of voting age?

Haha... you're sweet.

I thank you for the compliment.

May I trouble you to sign my petition

to campaign for the Livingston board of education?

Ah, yeah., of course.

Interested in being informed of several policies

I plan to champion?

I'm sorry but I can't now. I've got ice cream in my cart.

E melting of your dairy products

is not more important than the future

education of your child.

We understand you're very busy

so thank you so much for your signature.

Have a good day.

No.. We don't.

I was going to give her a quick ten minute summary

because she didn't seem interested in our policies.

Well I admit I am a neophyte in the field of campaigning

but do we really want the support of the apathetic?

Yes, that is how elections are won.

Very well then.

Let's proceed.

Excuse me, shoprite shopper, would you like to be the change

you want to see in the world?

I have no change.

I was quoting Mahatma Gandhi, not asking for nickels.

What are you guys doing here?

I'm collecting signatures to campaign

for the board of education.

To the Livingston educational regime.

It's like the arab spring right here in Livingston

let me give you my John Doe.

Good luck with the campaign bro.

Thank you.

How often do you come here?

Whenever my grandfather needs ingredients for a recipe.

He's quite an accomplished chef but

he detests supermarkets.

Let us continue.

You're running for the board of education?

I have shoes older than you.

Hey are you sure you don't want anything?

I'm sure on multiple levels.

To name 4. I don't sh to begin a caffeine addiction

2. I'm on a very strict budget.

3. I don't see a sign guaranteeing this premium

coffee has not been labored at slave wages.

And fourthly, I do not support the

globalization of mega conglomerates.

But Starbucks is the only coffee shop in town.

So what is the focal point of this meeting?

Okay there's a few things. Item one, finances.

In order to run a proper campaign, we're

going to need money.

How much are you willing to spend on advertising?

I presently survive on an allowance that is,

ok I guess I can charge the photocopying and art supplies

you have a credit card?

Ok item two?

Your name?

What's wrong with my name?

It's too formal. From now on we're gonna call you

and those characters are very likeable.

Item three: Your appearance.

- Pardon me. - We need to fix your hair

and you're gonna need to lose the braces Bernie.

I will do no such thing. And don't call me Bernie!

Congratulations to the lhs boys soccer team

who beat Randolph 3-0 last night

thanks to two goals by Robbie mcloud and

one by David bonder.

To a blazing start this season.

Back to you, zev.

Thanks, Julia.

From junior class president Veronica krauss.

Good morning, bears. I'd like to ask you to come

to the cafeteria today and meet Bernie flannigan,

our fellow bear who is running for the Livingston board of

education.

Hello fellow students.

Bernie is finished asking

look at barf-nard's haircut.

Gross.

So please come to the cafeteria today

to meet our future representative on

- thank you. - Thank you.

Thanks Veronica. Um so what's next?

You can get us some new uniforms?

Actually, I Don t think there will be room in the budget

for athletic fashion upgrades.

What Bernie means is that it isn't one of his main campaign

issues. However he'll definitely look into getting

new uniforms.

Why would you make such a claim about wasting valuable funds

on modern day barbarianism?

I didn't make any promises to the football player.

I just said we'd "look into it".

That's what politicians always say.

Plus, the only issue the football players reallycare

out are football related issues.

Hey, can we get cigarette vending machines?

I'll look into it.

I'm holding you to that.

Make sure you tell your parents to vote.

I hate my parents.

Bernie, do you know the bollywood crowd?

I m familiar with the work of sonam kapoor.

I'm talking about the bollywood kids in our grade.

The ones sitting over there, staring at us.

Yes, I know them. They're in my ap chemistry class.

Haha...

You are too funny.

I can't...

That was not meant to be funny. I was...

Seriously stop, your...

You're too much. Ok let's go.

If you don't mind me asking, why were you acting

you need to seem more... human.

Alcohol kills brain cells

all I'm saying is that it can't hurt fto make people think

you can make girls laugh.

Of course I can make girls laugh.

The cornish hen is divine grandpa.

How've your grades been the marking quarter?

Grades are so trivial.

These days I'm focused on my campaign

question is why are you doing this?

2 years you'll be going off to college.

If I m elected, I promise to attend the

finest university within a commutable

many of the top universities in the country are in the

nation are in the new york/new Jersey

metropolitan area.

Who's gonna vote for you?

According to my campaign manager as many people

as I can get.

We had differing opinions on this matter

but I bowed to her wisdom.

Does she have a ph.D. In political science?

Did she teach at one of New Jersey's finest

institutions of higher learning?

Did she work as consultant for Michael dukakis in 1988?

No, but she has a credit card.

Haha... right.

That's what politics are today... money.

I hope I have not hurt your feelings.

I can get over it if you play shuffle

board with me tomorrow.

Have a nice day.

Hey, you think like six of my friends and I can share a room

unfortunately not. We signed a contract with the lodge

to abide by all their rules and regulations.

- That blows. - Yeah

make sure you sign the waiver form on the back page.

Dynastar speed cross.

The vertical sidewalls on those give the skis excellent

edge grip and balance. However, for an all-mountain

ski I find the bindings to be sub-par

compared to the atomic blackeye ti.

The atomics are pretty dope. Catch you later, Bernie.

- You ski? - Of course.

I was an east coast junior olympian in kindergarten.

My parents coached the team until

they were killed by an avalanche.

Your parents were killed by an avalanche?

Yes, unfortunately avalanche balloons

weren't commonplace in 2006.

Do you ski?

Um. No, but my dad's been saying for years

that he's gonna take me to Tahoe.

There's plenty of great mountains

yeah, but he lives in California.

Veronica, if you don't ski, why are you

I organize activities all the time that I have no interest in.

Yeah. They have by far the most renowned

history program in the country.

I didn't realize you were a history buff.

When applying to law school.

No. I want to be a supreme court justice.

Is the most influential branch of our democracy.

Current supreme court bench graduated from either

Harvard or Yale?

Towards the supreme court.

She did but she actually started law school

at Harvard and then transferred to Columbia.

The Harvard law review and the Columbia law review.

However, a word of advice for when you are

on the supreme court.

Never accept a coke from Clarence Thomas.

Haha... you're gross, Bernie.

Do you think barf-nard and virgin-ica are

actually dating?

I just ate lunch.

Good afternoon Bernard.

Not unlike Martin Luther's 95 theses

this is very heavy.

I estimate it will take up roughly 6 pages of newsprint.

I only have 10 pages of newsprint.

In your hand you possess my official

declaration of candidacy the Livingston

board of education.

What does your grandfather feel about your candidacy?

Well, local politics is not his forte.

He much prefers shuffleboard.

I'd like to try shuffleboard someday.

Salutations, post worker Wesley.

First class international mail please.

Here's my customs form.

Alright.

B, we go through this every time, man.

You should use a padded envelope to protect your tape.

Out of principle I refuse to pay extra

money for air wrapped in non recyclable plastic.

Okay, but I can hook you up with some bubble wrap.

Something your special lady will enjoy just popping.

Let me get you another one.

Yeah. There you go.

I'm really glad you're not just emailing your lady.

There's something special about receiving that letter

it's like the first time you see a baby deer born.

He shoots right out of his mom and all that little stuff

falls out and gets messy everywhere.

Can't buy that feeling.

And email just doesn't cut it.

Agreed.

Yeah, you shouldn't cause they're watching.

They're watching right now.

Put the fluff down Bernard.

Start stretching.

Jehovahs

actually, I believe that maybe guest iinvited over.

We have a game bud.

Hello, Bernard.

I hope I'm not to early.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Grandpa, this is the editor-in-chief of

editor-in-chief, this is my grandfather, oswald.

Madam

very pleased to me you.

What's in the bag?

Ice cream

you churn it yourself?

No, my friends Ben & Jerry.

What kind of ice cream?

Chocolate chip cookie dough.

That's my grandfather's third favorite kind.

Fourth.

- They should be. - They should be.

Shall I put it in the freezer?

Yes please, right through here.

Thanks.

What's going on?

Every woman comes here, wants to bring us sweets.

It is the year of the monkey.

It appears my grandson brought hustler to our yard

you must be on the shuffleboard circuit.

I swear this is my first time.

So you re a natural?

In some ways.

I was gonna take it easy on you.

What a sap.

Hello.

- Your grandchild. - Does Bernard play?

Huh?

Does Bernard play?

I would say barely to that question

he's usually to busy with his extracurriculars.

I'm finished.

Wow. I had no idea that you were an artist.

Hardly.

Painting is merely my preferred mandatory school elective.

Which is yours?

I like orchestra. I play the violin.

Just like former supreme court justice Abe fortas.

Yeah.

So, what is our next campaign maneuver?

Okay we need to get the posters around town and get your name

out there.

I would venture to guess... the mall.

Shoprite.

Drugstore.

Post office.

And the hospital.

I don't want people to associate Bernie flannigan

with emergency rooms.

That seems prudent.

Bernard. Jehovas.

You know, your yard could use some t-l-c.

Ma'am

tender loving care.

Hey, who's that?

That's tai-yu. My Aurora borealis.

Yes, I am in a committed, long distance,

loving, monogamous relationship.

Oh. How'd you guys meet?

We have been pen-pals since the fourth grade.

It was a social studies assignment.

Yeah, in Mr. Dubrow's class?

Exactly. Your pen-pal was from Finland.

I believe her name was evilina.

- Avalina. - Avalina.

You were in that class?

I sat directly behind you.

Your side ponytail was a constant hindrance

to seeing the black board.

You remember my side ponytail?

Cool.

Hey honey.

Did you two have fun?

Yeah, I think so.

It was kinda hard to tell with Bernie.

Mom, what do you think about long distance relationships?

Let me put it like this

everyone I know who's moved from New York to la

for their career, has wound up ending it with their

significant other.

So they usually never ever work out?

Didn't for me and your dad.

Whoa, I like this portrait.

It's like singer sargent meets Edward hopper.

You're familiar with the 20th century

American realism movement?

C'mon sweetie.

Bye you guys.

Bye.

How was your day?

Dude your girlfriend is pretty chill.

She's actually my campaign manager.

My girlfriend lives in China.

China? Out of site, out of mind, bro.

Condoms on aisle six, if you know what I mean.

Bernie, bro, you were so right about the

dynastar bindings.

I hope you heal quickly.

Thanks, man. I'm definitely taking your advice next year.

Ne is two dollars. Two are three dollars. Three are four dollars.

The more you buy, the more you save.

I ll take two.

There you go.

Thank you.

By the way, Bernie, I told my parents to

vote for you bro.

Thank you.

You got it.

Would you like to buy a candy gram?

Unfortunately I dont have two dollars to

spare today.

Well, this one is on me.

Feel free to give it to whoever you want.

This Friday night the drama club is putting on a musical

adaptation of Stanley kubrick's

seminal filmull metal jacket

tickets are five dollars at the door

and I hope to see you guys all there.

Thanks.

Thank you, Jared.

Emily your up next.

Mr. Ruble cellphones away please you know better

hey, I heard you're having a party after the play.

It's sort of just for the cast of the show

but I guess anyone can come.

Great.

Can I come?

Sure.

You look cute.

Bye mom.

Have fun.

- Hello. - Hi.

Organizing a town hall meeting was a great idea.

Thank you.

You can take your helmet off now.

Welcome to 'nam.

Thanks. I brought pretzels.

Whoa! What's up? So youguys want some Merlot?

But alas, I shall pass as I rode my bike here

as a politician, cannot risk getting a bui.

Right. You want some, Veronica?

Oh no I can't.

I made all student council members sign a sobriety pact.

- So. - Alright, well you 2 have fun?

- We will thanks. - Whoa!

This isn't a town hall meeting, is it?

Technically it's a party.

So that's why you're looking so stylish?

Well yeah, I just thought it could be

a good chance to get your face out there.

I understand. So, who should I put my

face in front of first?

So my plan would be to close the auxiliary gym and convert it

into a meditation garden slash greenhouse.

Whoah, that sounds awesome.

I believe it could be a great escape between

class periods. A place for students to perform tai chi

and have a safe haven for inner reflection.

And we could grow some stuff in there.

Exactly, yes.

I'm totally gonna tell my old manto vote for you.

Thanks bro.

Good luck, bro.

Are you in high school?

I used to be.

It just occured to me that is our first Friday night

out together.

It's almost like a date.

Yes.

Yes, I guess it almost is.

Is it getting a little hot in here to you?

The warmth is probably do to the clear

in this clearly over capacity room.

Maybe we should get some fresh air.

Actually, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the facilities.

Dorie... dorie.

It's Veronica.

- Veronica. - Yeah.

Did you bring Bernie here?

Ah... yeah.

Is he like your boyfriend?

Not like offically or anything.

Is it true that he was test baby.

I heard he was a narc.

The f.B.I.'S website or something

you guys are student council reps.

You're not supposed to be drinking.

Chill out, Veronica. We're just having some fun.

Maybe you're the narc.

Did you check out her chopsticks?

♪ Acoustic music plays ♪

What the hell is going here?

Busted.

Where's my son?

I'm here mom.

What in god's name are you wearing?

It's from a play that I was in.

Jesus Christ. I thought we talked about his whole

theater thing.

Sorry.

Excuse me, are you the home owners?

Perfect.

May I suggest you place a lastic bag weighted with pebbles

into your toilet tank. Displacing water in this manner

allows you to save 5 to 10 gallons a day.

It's good for the environment and fiscally responsible.

Who the hell are you?

My name's Bernard flannigan.

I'm running for the board of education.

There's no need to worry I sanitzed.

Bye Veronica. Bye Bernie.

I believe that went moderately well.

Is it true you once hacked into the FBI's website?

Of course not.

It was the epa.

♪ Romantic music plays ♪

Alright break it up kids.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Mom, what's the best way for me to make a friend

into more than a friend.

Well, do you remember when haden got together

with Benson?

Yes.

Of course.

Of course haden thought Benson was beautiful and charming,

but he also found her to be mysterious.

She hadn't had a serious love interest for 13 seasons.

Don't aske me why.

Anyway, haden knew that it would take a lot of work to

get Benson to see him in a romantic light

he's willing to put in that effort

even if it meant stretching the boundaries

of their working relationship.

Like when he met her at her favorite

donut shop and wooed her on her own home turf.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

What are you doing?

Cutting your grass.

I can see that! But why?

Because it'll help you fit into the community better.

It s another part of your political self-transformation,

you know, like changing your name

or restyling your hair.

I appreciate the thought but annihilating an ecosystem

for political appearances is not my modus operandi.

Relax, look at the yard.

Needs a little tlc. That's what she's doing.

Tlc?

Yeah.

Bernard think of it as a controlled burn.

You know what controlled burn is?

- Yes. - Okay.

It's when you put fire to the forest

yes okay so.

Oh by the way. I found this in your grass.

Thank you.

Of course.

Thank you ma'am.

Oh boy.

That's enough of that.

Why is it that we're always meeting at

this franchise I so disdain?

Cause you need to show the community that

you're one of them,

very well. Let's proceed.

So, what is our first order of business for today?

Who do you think is the prettiest girl in our class?

I don't see how that relates to the campaign.

The meeting hasn't started yet.

So who's the prettiest?

Beauty in itself is such an abstract concept.

Well, you clearly like asians, right?

One could say I am a connoisseur of more

ethnic women. Yes.

However, my palette isn't always preferential

to the Asian continent.

Well what about me?

Do you think I'm pretty?

Yes, Veronica.

I think you have a beautiful mind and

a beautiful body.

So can we get back to the campaign now

yes of course.

Item one. Winning the support of the Livingston weekly.

The paper will be endorsing two candidates.

It is imperative they back you.

I believe I may have inadvertently started

good. Now take it up a notch.

Grandpa, what is on your schedule this fine Saturday.

Saturday?

Breakfast, lunch, maybe a nap, shuffleboard and dinner.

Could you squeeze a voyage to the cinema

somewhere into your hectic itinerary?

Can you promise me it won't be 3-d?

I hope you don't think that low of me.

I go to the cinema for the stories.

If I wanted to feel as if a bird or a ball were flying at

my face I'd simply go to the park.

Save myself 16 dollars.

I'm in.

Wonderful.

Would you mind if invited a friend.

Oh boy.

♪ Dramatic music plays ♪

If you excuse me, I have a sudden craving for smarties.

Have you ever been to Paris?

My wife and I always talked about it.

We never found the time.

My husband took me for our twenty-fifth anniversary.

Is it really the most romantic city in the world?

Well, I haven't been everywhere so I couldn't say.

If you could do the writing?

Where do you see yourself going next?

I've heard Lithuania a is lovely in the spring.

Lithuania wow.

A long walk from her to Lithuania.

Oswald

would like you to come to dinner on Monday?

Mondays not good for Bernard.

I thought maybe it could just be the two

of us. I think we're old enough not to need a

chaperone.

Did I miss anything?

Why are we doing this?

It's months away from anyone's birthday.

You shouldn't need a special occasion to see people

that you love.

Hello grandmother.

Hello mother. Hello father.

Hi ya'll.

I brought you some sunflowers today.

And to borrow from the Jewish tradition,

I have brought rocks to place on your graves

to signify my enduring love and memory of you.

I come bearing some exciting news

I'm now an official candidate for the livinston

board of education.

You know what he also has?

He also has a girl.

Who comes by the house.

And they go to his bedroom.

Her name is Veronica krauss.

She's my campaign manager.

Grandpa also has new friend.

I got a new pair of shoes last...

Ah... what was it?

98 when you bought me that pair of shoes

well, these are new. They don't fit as good as your's

darling but they're.

I like them.

♪ Melodic piano music plays ♪

Why didn't you tell everybody about the editor-in-chief?

There's nothing to tell.

Everything is on pace

perfect Veronica. My only question is

who's gonna be your luck date?

I'd like to thank principal greely for allowing us to hold

this pep rally today.

For the first time in my three years at lhs

we're gathered here not to cheer on a sport or an athlete

but rather to show our support for a selfless

member of our student body.

Please put your hands together for the next member

member of the Livingston board of education.

Bernie flannigan.

Thank you, Livingston high school.

Next month I will be representing us, the students,

in the board of education elections.

I ask that all of you who can, not only vote

but also encourage your parents or guardians

to do the same.

Next week I will be engaging in a political debate with

the other candidates at the spring pta meeting.

I hope that you come and show your support.

If your parents see your fervor for your education

we can only hope it will inspire them

to cast a ballot for change.

Since I declared my candidacy, I have heard from so many

your ideas and concerns resonate with me.

For example, there is David shankles, a freshman,

who would like for all students to have iPads

or kindles or some form of a pdf reader.

David is tired of carrying around his books

as I'm sure most of you are.

This is 2016 and we have an opportunity to save

our backs but also thousands of trees.

Then there's Sally stephenson, a sophomore.

Who ask me to look into more field trips.

Livingston is throwing distance from New York City.

And some of the best museums in the world.

Yet how many of you have ever been to

the natural history museum?

Please, raise your hand if you have.

Please lower your hands if you went with your family.

As I suspected.

I, for one, think the township should be ashamed.

Finally, there's Russel wachtler, a senior,

who suggested to me that in the nurse's office

there should be a basket of free condoms.

Students are mature enough to vote and to fight in wars

so surely they should be mature enough to have protected sex.

Am I right?

So please go home and tell your parents

to vote for me Bernie flannigan to be your

to be your voice on the Livingston board of education.

Shall we begin the debate prep?

Yes. What's your opinion on school vouchers?

I think they're a good thing in a free market economy.

Public education could use the competition especially

in lower-income areas.

Name three things you would cut from the school budget.

French. All processed food from the cafeteria.

The gifted and talented program in elementary school.

You would cut gifted and talented?

Yeah I was in gifted and talented.

However, I'm confident telling 90% of elementary school

children that they do not qualify for g&t

is not a very good thing for childhood development.

That's great. Can we stop for one secdond?

One second. I gotta catch my breath.

Why did we have to prep while jogging?

Studies show that the brain is at its sharpest while

are you ready for some sit-ups?

Are you serious?

Can I tell you something?

Of course.

I got an a-in gym last year.

- There's nothing wrong with an a-

yes there is

that a-screwed up my gpa. Because of it I'm

♪ 2 in our class.

It's okay to not to be ♪1.

Not if you want to go to Yale.

Ok.

Oh no.

You owe 4 sets of 20.

PDA, anyone?

They need to get a room.

When is your turn?

After your 4 sets of 20.

Hello, you've reached the flannigans be brief.

Hello oswald. It's Barbara.

I was wondering if you'd like to come over later for dinner.

Also next week there's a lecture at the library

on Russian oligarchs. I thought you might be interested.

I thought you might be interested.

In any case give it. Give me a call.

One way or the other.

Well okay bye.

What's your stance on teacher tenure?

However I also think they should be judged on

their annual performance. Just like ever other profession.

I love that dress.

It's quite lovely.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were to take anyone

to junior prom, who would you take?

Of course I would take tai-yu.

Right.

I meant someone local.

Well, hypothetically speaking

if I didn't have a girlfriend who lives ten thousand miles

away, I would probably take... You.

And who would you take to the prom?

Hypothetically speaking.

I guess I would take you too.

We should probably get going.

I have a number of errands to run before the debate.

Yeah. No me too.

You shouldn't smoke marijuana, Mike.

Next.

Hi, Wesley. I have some letters to mail.

What are all these?

Just some campaign literature about Bernie.

I'm sending fliers to every registered independent

oh man, Bernie is lucky to have you on his side.

Oh yeah. That reminds me. Here.

He gave me his key and a signed authorization

he's been super busy lately. Is that okay?

This checks out. Let me go grab it for you.

I'll be right back.

Great thank you.

Hey evelyne, you want lunch?

Catfish, tuna fish... All kinds of fish.

Alright here we go.

Thank you so much.

Good luck. Have a good one.

See you.

♪ Upbeat music plays ♪

E-wo, hello ber-yard. I ope you nice.

Tis is har to say but I tink we ould see otter pee-pow.

Be far away har. Very har. An now you no

stu-dy a-broa-d.

Our love drift like LAN-tern

- at the moon fes-ti-val. - She's breaking up with him.

LAN-tern fly in air like big fire-fly.

Very Beau-ti-ful. Then dis-a-ppear and burn.

Good evening. We could all take our seats please

and settle in. Thank you very much.

First off, I want to welcome everyone here tonight.

As well as the viewers at home who are watching

on public access.

Tonight's format will be very simple.

If you have a question for a candidates,

raise your hand and I'll call on you.

Who wants to lead us off tonight with the first question?

Yes, in the back.

Yes, Ms. Parikh, I would like to know what would

your major goals be if you are re-elected?

My major goal would be to ensure that every school

in the district meets the blue ribbon of excellence

standard. If we can accomplish this feat

it means we will have done a lot of little things right.

That is in accordance with Lincoln-Douglas style debate.

- Greely what is this? - Wait a second.

This not a debate.

Marshal is sick. I gonna have to rearrange the whole schedule

honey I'm so sorry.

We'll have everyone have a chance for a rebuttal

as long as you keep it to one minute, understood.

Yes, thank you.

One minute.

In that time frame, only one new school within our

the current board of education has been in place for five years

and in that time only one new school within our district

is qualified for the blue ribbon of excellence

however governmental awards are not what we should be striving

for. Our only concern should be in improvement.

Livingston's scholastic test scores though above the national

average have plateaued for three years straight.

And it's good to be good, but it is better to be the best.

Wow, father can I run for the board of educaiton.

The choice is clear, Livingston.

You can stick with the old regime and continue

with the oppression of our student or you can rise up

let the board of education know that this town needs new ideas.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Very inspiring

haha.

Bernard you were great in there.

I hope it was enough to gain the Livingston weekly's endorsement.

Well there are a lot of factors to figure in

so we'll see but regardless I am so impressed on how

hard you've worked on this campaign.

How's your grandfather?

I haven't heard from him in a few weeks.

Well he's been quite busy

reading Robert caro's tetralogy on president Johnson.

Oh I see.

I see how that might take up a lot of time.

You were amazing.

The clear cut winner.

Do you mind if I steal Bernie a minute? I just need to talk

to him in private.

No not all, go ahead.

Thank you. Come on.

I need you to listen to something.

E-wo, hello, ber-yard. I ope you nice.

Tis is har to say but I tink we ould see otter pee-pow.

I'm so sorry.

Where did you get that tape?

You opened my mail?

Just that letter.

That is a federal offense, Veronica.

Twenty five thousand dollars and be faced with

- done that. I couldn't. - Never become a supreme

no, do not call me Bernie. My name is Bernard.

Don't you know what this means?

It means you're even more self-centered than I originally

thought.

No, no it means that we can be together.

Be together? I could never be with you. The only person you

care about is yourself. Everything you do is about you.

Only because you think it'll help you. You organize

fund-raisers and ski trip snot because you care whether

or not other people want them but because it'll look

and let's be honest, the only reason

that you even befriended me in the first place

is because you wanted me to get rid of glass rank

so that Yale wouldn't know you weren't number one.

Want to know how I know that

you only care about yourself?

You never even asked me what I was ranked.

So let me tell you.

I'm number one.

You're number one?

Why didn't you say anything?

I was trying to help you.

No, no you are a hypocrite.

You are just as selfish as me.

Everything you do is about you.

You only want the school to teach Chinese

so you can talk to your girlfriend.

The only reason you only want bike lanes in town

because you are the only one ride a stupid bicycle.

You didn't try helping me. You used me,

just like I used you.

You betrayed me.

I know I shouldn't have opened that letter

but at least I was honest with you about it.

I couldn't have pretended like I had no idea

which is exactly what you did to me.

So fuck you.

Dammit!

♪ Melancholy music plays ♪

Hey Bernie my older sisters having a party this weekend

it'll be a great opportunity to meet some new voters

thank you but I'm no longer actively campaigning.

So sad.

Your lost.

I think barf-nard dumped virgin-ica.

No, I think virgin-ica dumped barf-nard.

Hey, very nice shot.

How did you know that you loved grandma?

About a thousand different ways.

First of all she was my best friend.

Secondly we met when we're about 12.

Didn't start dating until we were 17

and we were inseparable.

She not only completed me but she pushed me

in ways that I would never ever push myself.

I was just like a motionless disc and she was my cue.

I feel like a motionless disc these days.

You know I have a phd in political science

but despite that I think that I might I know a thing

or two about love.

When you find somebody who makes you feel

that you want be a 10. Hang on to her.

Put your arms around her keep her next to you

for as long as you live. Cherish her.

It's as simple as that and you know what? You'll know.

The minute it happens to you and she'll know

unless she's a jerk.

Now everybody looks good in a little black dress.

I like it a lot but I don't know if I love it.

Well forget it then I only want you to wear a dress you love.

Come on let's keep looking.

I think it will look perfect on you.

That's your mother

did you have to say that?

Oh that is stunning.

That would be perfect on you.

Mom I messed up.

Sweetie, no, everybody messes up

no not you.

Are you kidding?

Baby I mess up all the time.

- You do? - Yes.

Yes

okay

I'm gonna tell you a story I've never told you.

Back in high was in love with a boy named Kevin Cooper

oh, he was handsome, kind talented

he had the lead in the high school musical

every year and he was the captain

of the cross country team

all I wanted was for him to be my boyfriend.

So for the next 3 years I began to flirt with him.

Yet, he only looked at me as a friend.

So my senior year

I decided the best way to get Kevin to see me

in a romantic light was to flirt with his best friend

now I know it was wrong to use Craig to get to Kevin.

I didn't care. I really liked Kevin.

One night at a party, our flirting went a little to far

and we ended up making out

did Kevin like you after that?

No, what he hated me.

Turns out he was gay as a French horn and

Craig was his boyfriend.

Craig broke up with him because he cheated with me.

My point is I hated myself for what I did.

Not only did I not Kevin as my boyfriend.

I lost him as my friend.

Did you guys make up after that?

Yeah, we did. Summer after graduation.

What did you do?

Said I was sorry.

♪ Music plays ♪

Hey man.

Salutations.

Saw you on t.V. You rocked it.

Thank you.

Hey are you feeling alright?

Your observational skills are acute.

You want to talk about it?

Like psychotherapy?

I was thinking more like friends.

Attention shoppers, planning a special event?

We'll be sure to visit our catering department.

These are all originals?

Yeah, it's a little bit of everything.

Check this out.

You've captured my essence.

Where did you learn to paint like this?

Yale.

You went to Yale?

Summa cum laude, bro.

♪ Music plays ♪

I need a favor.

Why are you wearing oven mitts?

Cause the quiche is still hot. Will you buy that?

Come on in.

That was a lot more fun than shuffleboard.

Yes it was. Yes it was.

♪ Music plays ♪

And a good morning to you sir.

Did you mix up your medications, grandpa?

You have a glow to you this morning.

Haha... I'm thrilled to be alive.

What's the matter?

The editor-in-chief has assassinated my political

aspirations.

Let me see this.

There has never been a candidate like Bernard k. Flannigan.

Hhe would be an influential member

although we cannot in good conscious endorse

we have no doubt we will be hearing his name

for years to come. In fact, we think

it would do Bernard a great disservice

to shackle him with a four year board of education

commitment instead of allowing him to spread his wings

at an out-of-state university. Now what the hell is the matter

with that?

Political science 401 class.

Okay, so you're out you lose. That's it.

Go ahead and quit. Walk away.

Quit.

Been granted permission by the principal to miss classes today.

Would you like to accompany me as I campaign?

♪ Upbeate music plays ♪

I'll be right back.

What am I supposed to do, huh?

Big day, b.

Indeed it is. Did I receive any mail?

- No. - Okay.

In 1948. But alas he beat Dewey

despite a three-way split in his own party.

Got my fingers crossed for you, b.

Excuse me ma'am. Hi, I'm zev August from lhs live!

To get some insight into today's election.

Would you mind sharing with us who you voted for?

Um, I voted for the two adults.

You heard it here first. The exit polls are trending

towards the incumbents. However, the polls will be open

for another five hours so there's still a chance

for Bernie flannigan, the hope of the high school.

Veronica I have consulted various medical journals

and have discovered that it is physically

impossible to choke to death from swallowing your own

pride so with that let me say.

Is everything ok, sweetie?

Yeah, everything is good.

I need your opinion though.

Okay.

What top with this skirt?

Good evening, good evening everyone.

I remember standing next to Michael dukakis in 1988.

The anticipation felt just like this.

As the mayor, it is my duty and my honor to read

the election results.

With six thousand, four hundred and fifty eight votes,

the first open seat on the Livingston school board goes to.

Mr. Ernest del tufo.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations. So welcome sir.

And we have one more coming.

With six thousand and seventy one votes, the second

open seat on the Livingston school board goes to

thank goodness. Ms. Bindu parikh.

The people have spoken.

I know it hurts. It's a bump in the road.

Abraham Lincoln lost just about every election

he was ever in until he ran for president.

I'm well aware of the legendary losers who have once been

but that's not the point.

The point is those were great men.

They went out into the world and learned how to better

themselves. One day when the opportunity came they simply

changed the world. So there is no excuse now

for you not to go and get in the finest university

you can find. And then one day

when your time comes

you sir, will change the world.

Thank you.

Bernard, I'm sorry you didn't win

but there will always be a next time.

Yes. Yes, you are absolutely right

I will live by Beckett's words: Ever tried. Ever failed.

No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

You are a remarkable young man.

Thank you.

Now, would you mind giving my grandfather a ride

I'd like to take a solo ride to clear my head.

It would be my pleasure.

Hold your head up high.

Thank you for not endorsing him.

You have nothing to thank me for, you wrote the op-ed.

Now he's got no excuse to stay at home after high school.

And you've got no excuse to stay home and not go traveling

you sneaky little person.

You want me to go to Lithuania?

Oh god. I can't even spell it.

Hi Bernard.

Hi.

I'm sorry that you lost.

It's ok. We gave it our best effort.

And I'm sorry I read your mail.

And for everything I said. You didn't deserve that.

No, you were right.

If you didn't knock on my door that day

I'd still be living in a fantasy world.

You made me a much happier person.

That's why I'm going to do this.

♪ Music plays ♪

Honestly, I thought she was a lesbian.

I wish that were me.

Do you think maybe you could give me a ride home?

Yes... haha.

Excuse me Mr. Bernard.

Yes, young citizen.

Can I get your autograph?

He's a big fan. He wants to run for the board of education

next year.

Thank you.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Shall we go?

Do you want the first seat or the second?

Second is great.

- You're ready? - Ready.

Veronica will you go to the prom with me?

Definitely. I have the perfect dress.

♪ Music plays ♪