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1
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♪ My words are lazy ♪
♪ My thoughts are hazy ♪
2
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:20,019
♪ But this is one thing ♪
♪ I'm sure of ♪
3
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,587
♪ Everybody needs ♪
♪ A best friend ♪
4
00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:26,113
♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪
5
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:38,081
Oh, I can't believe
6
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:41,519
my boys are
high school graduates now.
7
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,956
Yep. And all without openin'
a single book
8
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,741
or applyin' ourselves
in any way.
9
00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:48,091
Gun to my head,
I couldn't find Europe on a map.
10
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:49,353
Is it the one
shaped like a hand?
11
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:50,963
I got through two years
of French
12
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:52,139
just knowing five words.
13
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,488
Baguette.
14
00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,142
Déjà vu.
15
00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,187
Gérard. Depardieu.
16
00:00:57,405 --> 00:01:00,103
Boys, the world is
your oyster now.
17
00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,104
No, it ain't.
18
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:02,323
From here on out,
19
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,020
there's no more gravy train.
20
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,152
All right?
You're an adult now, Johnny.
21
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,589
That means responsibility.
22
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:08,850
Don't you worry, Dad.
23
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,113
You have my word.
24
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,288
I am gonna take adulthood
25
00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:13,073
and grab it by the ass.
26
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,291
Speaking of,
I gotta take a dump.
27
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,293
That was a long
fucking ceremony.
28
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,643
Jesus, we don't all need
to hear about it.
29
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,428
Have a good stool, Matty.
30
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,387
And, Johnny, did you do
your doo-doos yet today?
31
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:26,173
Oh, Ma, I'm 18 now.
32
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,131
Mine is stools too.
33
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,134
Oh, good heavens, you're right.
34
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,744
You're right.
35
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:33,745
Oh!
36
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,183
How time flies.
37
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,450
You said someone's
tokin' some reefer.
38
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,234
No, I may have said something
39
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:45,714
about smelling some pot.
40
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,150
You know,
it’s just an observation.
41
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,020
Oh, an observation, huh?
42
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:51,067
Well, who the hell are you,
man, Isaac fuckin' Newton?
43
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,937
It's kind of hard
for me to buy that
44
00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:55,202
this guy has Isaac Newton
on the tip of his tongue.
45
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,073
Yeah, and he really seemed
to have it locked and loaded.
46
00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:59,162
Like, "I hope
a situation arises today
47
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,208
where I can mention
my favorite scientist."
48
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:02,817
Oh, look, they're gonna fight.
49
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,167
Why don't you observe
while I punch your teeth
50
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:05,559
down your fucking throat.
- Come on!
51
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,170
Why do guys always take
their shirts off
52
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:08,649
when they're about to fight?
53
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,173
'Cause guys will
always look at nipples.
54
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:11,391
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
55
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,480
If they're out, a guy's lookin'.
56
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:14,177
And while he's lost
in your nipples,
57
00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:15,831
you punch him in the face.
- Wow.
58
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:17,224
Yeah. Ask Evander Holyfield.
59
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,008
Hey, buddy,
my fists are up here.
60
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,356
Exactly.
61
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,185
If JFK had been
in the car shirtless,
62
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:23,273
he'd be alive today.
63
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,275
Boys! Dinner's ready!
64
00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:26,363
To be continued.
65
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,410
By the way, there's a surprise
66
00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:30,802
in the salad.
67
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,456
Sun-dried tomatoes.
68
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,415
I got turned around
at the Stop and Shop,
69
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,895
and I ended up
in the ethnic aisle.
70
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:39,419
Sun-dried is just
a fancy word for old.
71
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:42,205
It's a wop scam.
- Italian scam.
72
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:43,640
Wait. No.
73
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:44,946
Save 'em and give 'em out
74
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,514
to the kids with the mustaches
on Halloween.
75
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,256
Jesus Christ,
you are such a fuckin' bigot.
76
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,735
It's like I'm living
with Mark Fuhrman.
77
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,389
Oh, Christ. Not this again.
78
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,217
Oh, what?
Because you still can't admit
79
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:55,914
he is a crooked,
lying sack of...
80
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,394
O.J. did it! All right?
81
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,222
If-if the cops planted evidence,
82
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,920
it was just to make up
for O.J. un-planting it.
83
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:03,312
That doesn't make any sense.
84
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,272
John, how'd your
interview go today?
85
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,231
- What?
- At my buddy Tommy's tire shop.
86
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,233
Hey, it wasn't easy
gettin' you in there.
87
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,365
Luckily, there was an opening
because Bob Donahue
88
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,628
got crushed under a truck.
89
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,195
Right. The interview.
90
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,066
Um... it went great.
91
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,111
I looked him right in the eye,
and I gave him
92
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,765
a firm handshake and everything.
93
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,247
Tommy doesn't have a hand.
94
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,206
- Oh.
- Lost it
95
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,815
in a tire balancer last year.
96
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,427
This sounds like a uniquely
dangerous workplace.
97
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:33,256
- I shook his nub.
- He doesn't have a nub.
98
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:34,953
It goes all the way
up to the shoulder!
99
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:36,216
I shook his shoulder.
100
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,695
He's a head on a torso!
101
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,262
How is this guy a mechanic?
102
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,264
- Okay, Dad...
- You didn't fuckin' go, did you?
103
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,266
- No, but...
- Goddammit!
104
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,354
I can't fucking believe it!
105
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:45,702
If he takes his shirt off,
106
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,139
don't get distracted
by his nipples.
107
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:48,271
- See, the thing is...
- No!
108
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,142
I'm sick
of your fucking excuses.
109
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,536
Y-you didn't get into college.
You ain't got a job.
110
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:55,322
You ain't done nothin'
but sit on your ass since June.
111
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,280
Matty, he's a late bloomer.
112
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:58,499
He's a boy, Susan.
113
00:03:58,716 --> 00:03:59,891
Don't talk about him bloomin'.
114
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,285
But it's wonderful
when a boy blooms.
115
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,548
I said stop it!
You know what?
116
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:07,071
The two of you are kicked
out of this fucking house!
117
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,509
- Matty!
- No more free rides!
118
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:09,857
Matty, no!
119
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,207
No. It's for
his own good, Susan.
120
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:13,296
My kid ain't gonna
fuckin' wind up
121
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:14,732
like a fuckin' welfare queen.
122
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,256
And more racism.
123
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,518
How the fuck is that racist?
124
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,607
- You just said welfare queen.
- So?
125
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,783
So that is a racist
black stereotype.
126
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,350
I never said she was black.
127
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,221
Oh, so it's automatically
a woman?
128
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,745
Well, a man's not poppin'
out babies just to get rich,
129
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,530
and don't change
the fuckin' subject.
130
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,010
I am tired
of comin' home every day
131
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,925
to a house
full of freeloaders who...
132
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,363
Fuck!
133
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,321
- Matty?
- Dad, are you okay?
134
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,628
Ah, it's fucking indigestion.
135
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:41,933
Feels like...
136
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,327
Dom DeLuise
is sitting on my chest.
137
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,286
Honey, you want some Mylanta?
138
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,331
Oh, shit.
139
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,342
Doctor, is he gonna be okay?
140
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,519
He's stable, but there are
blockages in his arteries,
141
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:04,347
so another cardiac event
is likely.
142
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,654
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, Doc.
143
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,569
Explain it to me
in sewage terms.
144
00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:11,354
Is it just a clogged sink,
or is the main line blocked
145
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,225
and the shit comin' up
through the shower drain?
146
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,663
I guess it's closer
to the second one.
147
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,056
I'll need your consent
to insert a stent
148
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:19,449
into each blocked artery.
149
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,017
Well, who's gonna do it?
150
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,671
I'll be performing
the procedure.
151
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:26,195
Oh, yeah?
152
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,197
What about this guy?
153
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:29,807
He's a nurse.
154
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,112
A guy?
155
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:33,071
- Yes.
- What the fuck's goin' on?
156
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,421
Did you give me
the drugs already?
157
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,552
Will you stop being
a fuckin' asshole
158
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:36,858
and let him save your life?
159
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,383
All right. Fine.
160
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,215
I'm so sorry.
161
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,304
I'm a doctor in Massachusetts.
162
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:51,133
If I didn't save racist lives,
I would do nothing.
163
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,484
Susan, I'm scared.
164
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,660
Everything's gonna be
all right, honey.
165
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,879
I love you so much.
166
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,185
I love you too.
167
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,667
A-and, son.
168
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,059
Yeah, Dad?
169
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,975
I-I-I don't say this
enough, but...
170
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,240
you really need
a fuckin' haircut.
171
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:14,678
I know, Dad.
172
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:18,116
Hey, Johnny, look,
I'm the kid in the wheelchair
173
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,858
at the school dance
who's also havin' a good time.
174
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,478
Hey.
175
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,180
Di...
176
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,530
Did you just put a breast cancer
177
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,445
self-exam pamphlet
in your pocket?
178
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:43,925
It's for when I get home.
179
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,578
I'm ju... I'm just curious.
180
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,450
In the fantasy,
does she find a lump?
181
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,583
Yeah. In my pants.
182
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,934
Not your best work, but you're
under a lot of stress.
183
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,850
It's not even a photo on there.
184
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:59,201
You're just gonna jerk off
to a line drawing?
185
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,466
Doctor, how is he?
Is he gonna be okay?
186
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,511
Also, the vending machine ate
one of my quarters.
187
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,296
Is there a form
I can fill out or...
188
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,385
The procedure went
very smoothly, Mrs. Bennett.
189
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:10,952
Oh. Thank God.
190
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,126
I'm so relieved.
191
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,650
So Matty's gonna be okay?
192
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,521
Well, he's not out
of the woods yet.
193
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,132
His condition is very delicate,
194
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,481
especially for
the next few weeks.
195
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:19,700
W-what does that mean?
196
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,484
He needs to remain calm.
197
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,486
If he gets overly agitated
or angry,
198
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,531
it could trigger
another heart attack.
199
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:26,533
Possibly be fatal.
200
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,100
We'll say our goodbyes now.
201
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,975
- ♪ It's too hot ♪
- ♪ Too hot ♪
202
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,108
♪ Too hot... ♪
203
00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:40,198
I think the best part of
The Grind is all the grindin'.
204
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:43,114
We're blessed to live in a time
when dancing is just girls
205
00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:46,378
rubbin' their butts against
the dick area of guys' jeans.
206
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,164
The patient is
resting comfortably.
207
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,601
He's not pissed about having
to eat egg whites from now on?
208
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:54,430
Oh, I disguise them
with yellow food coloring.
209
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,519
And tonight,
I'm gonna use red dye
210
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:59,130
to make the ground turkey
look like ground beef.
211
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,003
This must be what
it feels like to be a spy.
212
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,529
Oh, Johnny,
please change the channel.
213
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:08,618
I don't want your father
to hear this.
214
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,273
He calls it burglary music.
215
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,970
Delightful.
216
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,189
All right,
Mr. Simpson, would you
217
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,713
please stand and face the jury?
218
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:19,542
Oh, my God, I think they're
about to announce the verdict.
219
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,544
We, the jury
in the above-entitled action,
220
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,633
find the defendant,
Orenthal James Simpson,
221
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,591
not guilty of the crime
of murder.
222
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,550
Holy shit. He got away with it.
223
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:29,944
Well, that was a year
and a half of our lives.
224
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:33,251
Oh, this is very, very bad.
225
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,775
Well, at least
it might finally teach
226
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,471
the LAPD a lesson.
227
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:39,170
Matty's always talkin'
about how guilty O.J. is.
228
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,869
If he finds out about this,
he'll get so angry
229
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:43,566
it could kill him.
230
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,308
Making him O.J.'s third victim.
231
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,840
Matty will be up soon.
How do we tell him about O.J.?
232
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,799
Oh, let's tell him Johnny's gay.
233
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,801
When he finds out it's not true,
he'll be so relieved
234
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:02,497
he won't even care about O.J.
235
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:03,673
That's a stupid plan.
236
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:05,065
Well, it's worth a try.
237
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,109
Now, we're gonna need
rollerblades,
238
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:07,634
bicycle shorts,
and some ice cream
239
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:08,635
to get angry at.
240
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:09,810
What does that mean?
241
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:10,811
Well, because the ice cream
242
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,115
wants you to eat it,
243
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,596
but you gotta keep
your body lean
244
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:14,728
for shenanigans.
245
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,556
What if we don't tell him?
246
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,427
- What?
- He's stuck in bed.
247
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:19,341
He'll never know.
248
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,297
Yes, he will.
249
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:21,343
There's a TV up there.
250
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,039
It's a Zenith.
251
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,693
We can cut the wires
and tell him the cable's out.
252
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,478
- What, forever?
- No. Not forever.
253
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,567
Just till he's better
and he can handle the news.
254
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,831
- That could work.
- Are you serious?
255
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:32,615
Blaire, you heard the doctor.
256
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,442
If he gets pissed off,
it'll kill him.
257
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:37,925
Oh, I can't lose my Matty.
What would I do without him?
258
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,273
Thrive.
259
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,841
I feel like this is
all my fault.
260
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,321
Dad would have never had
that heart attack
261
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,846
if he hadn't been so upset
about me bein' lazy.
262
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,239
Blaire, we gotta do this.
263
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,329
Fine.
264
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,070
It's not all your fault, Johnny.
265
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,856
I've seen him put a scoop
of Crisco on an ice cream cone.
266
00:09:56,073 --> 00:09:57,988
He does love his Cris-cones.
267
00:09:58,554 --> 00:09:59,511
Mm.
268
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,624
Goddammit!
269
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,843
Susan!
270
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,410
Matty, what's the matter?
271
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,631
Something wrong with the TV.
I can't get shit.
272
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,894
Oh, yeah. The, uh,
the cable company called.
273
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:35,722
They said it's gonna be out
for at least a week.
274
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:36,984
Why don't you read a book?
275
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,376
What am I, a woman?
276
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,552
- Uh...
- Guys are nurses,
277
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:41,684
men reading books.
278
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,163
Janet Reno.
279
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:44,556
What the fuck is goin' on
with the world?
280
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:45,992
Matty, don't get upset.
281
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,560
Remember,
the doctor said to keep calm.
282
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:49,996
I wanna watch the news.
283
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:52,216
The O.J. verdict's gotta be
out by now.
284
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,784
You know what?
I'll call Trammel's.
285
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,090
Maybe somebody's
heard something.
286
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,700
He's guilty!
287
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,614
- What?
- Yeah, Dad.
288
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,225
O.J. was found guilty,
just like you were hopin'.
289
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,923
So there's no reason
to be upset.
290
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,664
Why the hell didn't
you guys tell me?
291
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:09,756
I was... gonna tell you
after you filled your bedpan.
292
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,192
As a reward.
293
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:15,283
Oh! Oh, man.
294
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,589
Oh, I...
I wish I could have seen
295
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:18,939
the look on O.J.'s face
296
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,417
when they read that verdict.
297
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,856
See, Blaire,
even your black jury agrees
298
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,945
with me about the cops.
299
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,034
You gotta feel pretty
fucking stupid right now.
300
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:30,559
Oh, I... feel stupid.
301
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:33,736
Man, I can't wait to read
about this in tomorrow's paper.
302
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,215
- What?
- Yeah.
303
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,695
Bring it to me first thing
in the mornin'.
304
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,741
You know what? They,
they might not even cover it.
305
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,220
Of course they're
gonna cover it.
306
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:41,962
It's the biggest news story
of the year.
307
00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,832
Right. There's no gettin'
around that.
308
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,183
In the meantime, I can just
listen to the news on the radio.
309
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,972
- Oops.
- Oh, butterfingers.
310
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,976
It's like he-he's got butter
311
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,847
on, all over your fingers,
312
00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,544
with what just happened.
313
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:01,590
Right?
314
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,592
Go wash your fingers. Huh?
315
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:05,855
Go wash your fingers.
316
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,993
Well, we're already back
in fuckin' school.
317
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:14,820
That didn't take long.
- Yeah.
318
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,039
I can't believe how easy it was
to break into this place.
319
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,999
Yeah, probably be easy
to come in,
320
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,827
set a bunch of explosives,
kill everybody.
321
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,742
Jesus fuckin' Christ, Teddy!
322
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,004
What? I'm sayin' it's a flaw.
323
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:25,396
I'm-I'm pointin' it out.
I'm helping.
324
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,919
Seriously, what the fuck is...
325
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,530
Oh, come on, Johnny,
you know I'm a good guy.
326
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,314
You've seen my manifesto.
327
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,627
Ah, sweet.
They got everything we need.
328
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:41,499
- We sure we can pull this off?
- Oh, totally.
329
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,501
How hard could it be
to make a fake newspaper?
330
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,852
I mean, it's just a big headline
that says "O.J. Guilty"
331
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,070
and then a bunch of bullshit
about how justice was served.
332
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,464
Johnny, there's more to a paper
333
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,594
than one article.
334
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,032
Real papers have sports sections
335
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,512
and restaurant reviews
and comics and Jumble,
336
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,645
that scrambled word game
that's no fun
337
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,212
and way harder
than you think it'll be.
338
00:12:58,429 --> 00:12:59,778
Shit. You're right.
339
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,650
We got a lot of work to do.
- Exactly.
340
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,043
Now, we got
a long night ahead of us.
341
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,045
I want 500 words on the Big Dig.
342
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,089
And where's the girl
with my egg salad sandwich?
343
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,090
Right away, Queef.
344
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:12,792
All right.
Let's keep my dad from dying.
345
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:22,105
Hey, Dad.
How you doin'?
346
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:23,498
Bored as shit.
347
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,065
Well, get ready to cheer up,
348
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:26,849
'cause here's today's paper.
349
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:29,721
A little thinner than usual.
350
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,332
Oh, uh...
351
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,551
well, the newspaper people
were probably so focused
352
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:36,250
on the main part that they ran
out of time for the other stuff.
353
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,120
Or maybe someone
was goofin' off,
354
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,862
accidentally unplugged
the computer,
355
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,602
and they lost hours of work.
356
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,344
Well, maybe that person needed
to blow off some steam
357
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,128
because his editor
was ridin' him so hard.
358
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:48,130
Maybe the editor resents having
to hire the owner's nephew.
359
00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:51,046
Well, maybe that writer hasn't
seen his kid in fuckin' weeks
360
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,093
because the editor is such
a goddamn slave driver!
361
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,095
Maybe this city's full
of promising young journalists
362
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,139
who'd be happy to take
his fuckin' seat in a second!
363
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,794
Maybe suck a dick
or two along the way.
364
00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,537
Look at this, huh? Ha ha!
365
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,626
"Simpson was found guilty
of murdering
366
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,150
"a blonde lady and another guy
because he totally did it,
367
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,153
"and anyone that thinks
different is an idiot."
368
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:11,938
Just like I've been sayin'.
369
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,809
Yeah, almost word for word.
370
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,593
See what else is happenin', huh?
371
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:21,121
"Sox Win Makes
Yankees Fans Cry."
372
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:24,515
"UN Declares America
Did Win Vietnam."
373
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,736
Finally, a good news day.
And look at this.
374
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:30,173
"Jane Fonda Admits
'I'm a piece of shit.'"
375
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:31,566
If you're lookin' for a chuckle,
376
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,176
maybe check out the comic strip.
377
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,699
Comic strip?
378
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,139
The Galumphs. What's this?
379
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,837
Uh, it's new, but I've been
hearing good things.
380
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:44,318
Apparently it's about a family
called the Galumphs
381
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,668
who get into all sorts
of mischief
382
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,322
but love each other
at the end of the day.
383
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,932
It's not drawn too good.
384
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,151
Yeah, it's not supposed
to be slick.
385
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,152
That's part of the charm.
386
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:55,590
He, he brought a...
He brought a beach chair
387
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:56,765
to the DMV.
388
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,855
He knows he's gonna
be there all day.
389
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:01,161
Classic Galumphs.
390
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,770
All right,
we'll leave you to it.
391
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:04,816
Enjoy that article
about Clinton's hemorrhoids.
392
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,254
Hey, don't forget to bring me
tomorrow's newspaper too.
393
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:08,689
Tomorrow?
394
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,170
Yeah, I'm sure they'll have
395
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:11,735
all the sections by then.
396
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,869
I wanna know what these
Galumphs get up to next.
397
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:15,523
Yeah, me too.
398
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,220
We're gonna need some help.
399
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:25,663
All right, here's the headline
for tomorrow's paper.
400
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,577
"Forty Minutes on Toilet
401
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,190
Equal to Running Two Miles."
Oh, this is terrific.
402
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:31,887
Blaire, how's
the business section coming?
403
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:35,195
I just finished a piece
on gender-based pay discrepancy.
404
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,284
Are you fuckin' crazy?
I can't print this.
405
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,287
It's all true. Women make
72 cents on the dollar.
406
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,723
I don't give a shit
about the truth.
407
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,332
We're tryin'
to keep Matty alive.
408
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,857
So we're just gonna create
a bubble around him
409
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,249
where all he ever hears is news
410
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,252
that reinforces
his warped worldview?
411
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,428
- Pretty much.
- Give me something I can use.
412
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,605
Like "Scientists Prove Women
Worse Drivers"
413
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:57,826
or "Tipping With Change
is More than Enough."
414
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,393
Why can't one of you guys do it?
415
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,221
No. I'm working
on a huge story.
416
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:03,440
"There's No Reason
to Turn the Heat On."
417
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,529
And I still gotta figure out
tomorrow's Galumphs.
418
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:06,966
Okay, how about this?
419
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,444
Gary Galumph tells his wife
420
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,317
to get all gussied up
for a fancy dinner,
421
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,014
and then he takes her
to the grocery store
422
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,493
to fill up on free samples.
423
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,844
I'm smiling,
but I'm not laughing yet.
424
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,933
Okay. Uh, is this anything?
425
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,760
Gary Galumph
is on the treadmill,
426
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,242
and then we cut wider to reveal
that he's on roller skates.
427
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,504
Yeah, they did something similar
428
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,114
in yesterday's Wizard of Id.
429
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:26,854
All right. Uh...
430
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,510
Gladys Galumph becomes
a health inspector for the city,
431
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,512
and she finds a cockroach
in the kitchen
432
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:32,947
at one of the restaurants.
433
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,383
And before she can
shut the place down,
434
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,647
the cockroach says, "Excuse me,
ma'am, I'm the owner."
435
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:39,433
Yes, yes, yes.
Draw, draw, draw.
436
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:40,695
Fuck, draw.
437
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:51,314
Well, someone's feelin' better.
438
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:52,968
Look at this. Look at this.
439
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,144
"Hillary Clinton
Spotted at Urinal."
440
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:56,666
I fuckin' knew it!
441
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,320
Hey, Dad, did you see
today's Galumphs?
442
00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:00,323
Oh, the best one so far.
443
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,283
I-I'll tell you, any time
a dog wears sunglasses,
444
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,153
you got my attention.
445
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,026
I don't think
I've ever seen you smile,
446
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,289
but not quite laugh, so much.
447
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,291
Well, the world finally
makes sense, Susan.
448
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:15,295
O.J. got what he deserved.
The Sox are on a winning streak.
449
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:16,383
You know, the only,
the only problem is
450
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,340
the damn cable's still out.
451
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:19,125
Fuck it.
452
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,299
I'm gonna call,
453
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,388
see what's taking 'em so long.
454
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,303
Uh, oh, wait, uh, no, actually
455
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,218
you don't have to
do that because...
456
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:26,915
they're coming by tomorrow.
457
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,699
Finally.
458
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:33,487
John, if we fix the cable,
he's gonna find out about O.J.
459
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,315
Well, what if we
make our own news?
460
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:36,751
- Huh?
- We got all that
461
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:37,881
video equipment at school.
462
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,319
We just need to find an actor.
463
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:42,409
Sadly, we know one.
464
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:46,065
Come in.
465
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,981
What do you two want?
466
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,332
Here's something
you probably never heard before.
467
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,334
We'd like to hire you again.
468
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,339
Well, look,
I'd love to help you out,
469
00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,341
but I have a strict rule
against sequels.
470
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,255
- Oh, do you?
- Yeah, I do.
471
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:05,345
I hate seeing actors
like Harrison Ford, Pacino,
472
00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:06,824
guys not without talent,
473
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,522
throwing it all away
for a quick buck.
474
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,218
- This is not a... level.
- Yeah. No.
475
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,351
- This is something much simpler.
- It's not like that.
476
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:12,352
It's a, it's a new role.
- Yeah.
477
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:13,440
It's a newscaster.
478
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,355
Go on.
479
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:16,572
- That's sorta it.
- Yeah, that's it.
480
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,401
- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's the role.
481
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:24,364
Uh, could this newscaster
have a son, uh, in the hospital?
482
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,409
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
- Uh... I mean, I guess.
483
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,369
That's why his job
means so much to him.
484
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:30,760
Watching the news
is the only way
485
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,589
his bedridden son
can feel connected
486
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,156
to the outside world.
487
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:35,462
With the comforting face
of his father
488
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:37,028
as a beacon in the dark.
489
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:38,073
Yeah, we don't
really need, uh...
490
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,508
You know what?
491
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:40,902
I could play the son
in a flash forward.
492
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,250
Yeah, we're not
makin' a movie here.
493
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,861
And I feel like
we need to be daring.
494
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:46,690
This-this newscaster's grappling
with his own sexuality,
495
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,430
and as a result,
he's never been able
496
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,390
to have an authentic moment
with his son.
497
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:51,913
And now it might be too late.
498
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:52,914
Right.
499
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,045
Because of the cancer.
500
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,395
Oh, my God.
501
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,179
I mean, this is
how people win Oscars.
502
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,615
- Bingo.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
503
00:18:58,833 --> 00:18:59,790
The fuck are you doing?
504
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,488
- What?
- Don't encourage this.
505
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,838
And the sex scene
should be, uh, ambiguous.
506
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:05,622
I mean, sex to him is a rubicon.
507
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,449
I want the sex scenes
to raise questions,
508
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,800
but provide no answers.
- Yeah, this is getting kinda...
509
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,628
I'm willing to have sex
on camera.
510
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,239
Okay, look, there's also
another role
511
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:14,153
we need you to play.
512
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:15,415
Dual roles?
513
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:16,719
Oh, wow. I'm loving this.
514
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,330
What's the other part?
515
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,942
It's a cable guy who comes
to the house to fix the cable.
516
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,423
Could I, uh, could I
pitch you something?
517
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:24,424
Sure.
518
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:25,729
- You ready?
- Yeah.
519
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:27,469
- He's retarded.
- No.
520
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,689
- Oh, yeah.
- No.
521
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,647
He's full-blown,
one wheel in the sand.
522
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:32,345
Doesn't help us at all.
523
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,130
Okay, now remember,
just put the tape in the VCR
524
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:36,565
and pretend to fix the cable.
525
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:37,872
Sure thing, guv'nor.
526
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,482
I just moved here
from old Blighty,
527
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,004
lookin' to start a new life.
528
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,659
No, no. No, no, no.
We talked about this.
529
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:43,965
Just get in the fuckin' house.
530
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:48,970
And no limps!
531
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,929
Hey, Dad.
532
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,801
Look who we just ran into
out on the steps.
533
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,455
It's the cable guy.
534
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,675
Oh, about goddamn time.
Can you fix the cable?
535
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:00,460
Yeah, blood,
I can fix the cable.
536
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,201
No, no. Get the fuck to work.
537
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:06,596
Anythin', uh,
good in the paper today?
538
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,120
Kangaroos are fake.
539
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,121
Fuckin' called it.
540
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:11,775
What? No, they're not.
541
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,690
Olivia Newton-John admitted it.
542
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,475
Educate yourself, Blaire.
543
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,519
Fuckin' A.
544
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,130
The world's
finally gettin' good,
545
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,915
and I'm stuck at home.
546
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:22,350
Maybe I should go for a walk.
547
00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,223
- Oh, no, no.
- No! No, no. Home is better.
548
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,311
Okay. All finished.
549
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:27,791
Wow, that was fast.
550
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:31,099
Guess I'll go, uh,
turn on the TV.
551
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:35,103
Good evening.
552
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:36,496
I'm Chad Farnsworth,
553
00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,933
and this is your world.
554
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,063
Who the hell is this?
555
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,501
I've never seen this guy before.
556
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,284
He seems complicated.
557
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:46,506
Our top story, O.J. Simpson
is still behind bars,
558
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:47,942
where reportedly...
559
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,160
he cries himself
560
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:50,510
to sleep each night.
561
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:51,684
Fuckin' yes!
562
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,252
Asked if reopening Alcatraz
563
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:54,514
is a little extreme,
564
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,037
the California governor said,
565
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,560
"Not for this monster."
566
00:20:57,778 --> 00:20:58,735
Amen.
567
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,520
And now let's check in
568
00:21:00,737 --> 00:21:03,218
with our weather girl,
Haley Snowden.
569
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,133
Haley, uh,
what's the weather forecast
570
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,438
for the weekend look like?
571
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:08,528
Oh, not so good, Chad...
572
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,530
unless you're a duck.
573
00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:13,272
Good one, Haley.
574
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:17,579
Uh, we're sleeping together.
I can't keep my hands off her.
575
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,321
Not even at work.
576
00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:21,802
Oh, yeah.
577
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:24,544
Oh, my gosh.
578
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:26,807
I haven't felt like this
since my wife died.
579
00:21:27,024 --> 00:21:28,287
Mm! Ohh!
580
00:21:28,504 --> 00:21:30,288
Okay, that's enough of that.
581
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,075
We're fucked.
582
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:37,165
Dad's gonna be expecting
another newscast tomorrow.
583
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:39,080
Well, that's our life now,
Johnny.
584
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,517
Preparing a daily paper
and nightly news.
585
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:43,998
We are a two-man media empire.
586
00:21:44,215 --> 00:21:45,565
Oh, and by the way,
I fired Blaire.
587
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:46,609
She's suing us.
588
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:48,524
Have you boys seen Matty?
589
00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:50,874
He's not in the bedroom,
and I can't find him anywhere.
590
00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:52,528
No.
591
00:21:55,618 --> 00:21:57,619
He-he's not in the garage
or the basement.
592
00:21:57,620 --> 00:22:00,580
His coat's gone,
but the car is still here.
593
00:22:00,797 --> 00:22:02,059
He-he must have gone for a walk.
594
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,584
Oh, shit.
He's out in the world.
595
00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:07,543
He could learn the truth
and have another heart attack.
596
00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:12,809
Hey, how about those
fuckin' fake kangaroos, huh?
597
00:22:13,027 --> 00:22:14,071
What?
598
00:22:28,695 --> 00:22:30,958
- Excuse me, sir?
- Yeah?
599
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:32,785
Sir, we're doing
a man-on-the-street interview
600
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:34,090
for Channel Six News.
601
00:22:34,091 --> 00:22:35,310
Would you be willing
to give your opinion?
602
00:22:35,702 --> 00:22:37,181
Always.
603
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,575
We're wondering how you feel
about the O.J. verdict.
604
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:40,880
Oh, I love it.
605
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,361
Makes me proud
to be an American.
606
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:44,188
- Really?
- Absolutely.
607
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:45,973
I-I would have done
the exact same thing
608
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:47,366
if I was on that jury.
609
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:48,714
What about those who say
610
00:22:48,715 --> 00:22:50,586
the verdict
was racially motivated?
611
00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:51,544
Bullshit.
612
00:22:51,761 --> 00:22:52,980
As far as I'm concerned,
613
00:22:53,197 --> 00:22:55,199
O.J. is getting exactly
what he deserves.
614
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,071
Okay, well,
thank you for your time.
615
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,682
Hey, can you believe
your weather lady's
616
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,380
fuckin' the anchor?
617
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,998
Hey, Matty.
Ain't seen you in a few days.
618
00:23:11,215 --> 00:23:13,653
What you been up to?
- Uh, I had a heart attack. Yeah.
619
00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:15,785
They had to put
a fuckin' stent in my artery.
620
00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:17,787
Oh, yeah? I got one of those.
621
00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:19,876
Yeah, I'm mostly
stent at this point.
622
00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:21,574
They give you last rites?
- No.
623
00:23:21,791 --> 00:23:23,445
Oh, then don't fuckin' bore me.
624
00:23:23,663 --> 00:23:26,709
Hey, how about
that O.J. verdict, huh?
625
00:23:26,927 --> 00:23:29,277
Oh, don't remind me.
I'm still pissed off about it.
626
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:31,627
Why? For once
they got it right.
627
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:33,020
Are you shittin' me?
628
00:23:33,237 --> 00:23:34,108
The whole thing was rigged.
629
00:23:34,325 --> 00:23:35,892
Well, maybe a little.
630
00:23:36,110 --> 00:23:37,851
But, you know, sometimes
you gotta put your thumb
631
00:23:38,068 --> 00:23:40,636
on the scales of justice just to
make sure things turn out fair.
632
00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:43,204
Justice? You don't know what
you're fuckin' talkin' about.
633
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:44,248
The hell I don't.
634
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:45,379
Hey, hey.
635
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:46,686
I got other customers here, huh?
636
00:23:46,903 --> 00:23:49,602
Yeah, you're right.
We shouldn't be bickering.
637
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:50,951
We, we sound like
638
00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:53,040
Gary and Gladys Galumph.
639
00:23:53,388 --> 00:23:54,302
Who?
640
00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:55,956
From the comic strip.
641
00:23:56,173 --> 00:23:57,087
Never heard of it.
642
00:23:57,871 --> 00:23:59,349
It's in the paper every day.
643
00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:01,091
I think they put that stent
in your fuckin' brain.
644
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:04,093
The... the fuckin' Galumphs!
Jesus Christ.
645
00:24:04,094 --> 00:24:07,054
You know, "Oh, Gladys,
my achin' back." The Galumphs!
646
00:24:07,271 --> 00:24:09,056
I don't know what the fuck
you're talkin' about!
647
00:24:09,273 --> 00:24:10,840
They're making a movie
with Rosie O'Donnell.
648
00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:13,060
Oh, Matty, thank God.
There you are.
649
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:15,149
Dad, we were lookin'
all over for you.
650
00:24:15,366 --> 00:24:17,368
Honey, you gotta come home.
You need your rest.
651
00:24:17,543 --> 00:24:19,066
I don't wanna go.
I just got my beer.
652
00:24:19,283 --> 00:24:20,241
You gotta get him
outta here, Susan.
653
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:21,721
He's talkin' fuckin' crazy.
654
00:24:21,938 --> 00:24:22,982
- Come on, Matty.
- I'm talking...
655
00:24:22,983 --> 00:24:24,157
- Let's go.
- He's fuckin' crazy!
656
00:24:24,158 --> 00:24:25,507
He's never heard
of the fuckin' Galumphs!
657
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:27,377
There ain't
no Galumphs, asshole!
658
00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:29,555
You wouldn't know! You don't
fuckin' read, you dumb fuck!
659
00:24:29,772 --> 00:24:32,471
I read Garfield like a regular
fuckin' human being, fuckface!
660
00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,123
Fuck Garfield and fuck you!
661
00:24:34,124 --> 00:24:36,083
You should have been
a fuckin' blowjob, asshole!
662
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,259
Why don't you go shit in
another urinal, you drunk fuck?
663
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:39,390
Get him outta here.
664
00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,176
Glad you're doin' better, though.
665
00:24:49,923 --> 00:24:51,097
He's asleep.
666
00:24:51,098 --> 00:24:52,795
Well, that was
a close fuckin' call.
667
00:24:53,013 --> 00:24:56,363
You guys, this is insane.
We have to tell him the truth.
668
00:24:56,364 --> 00:24:57,974
It's too risky.
669
00:24:58,192 --> 00:25:00,150
Plus, I already started
working on tomorrow's Galumphs.
670
00:25:00,368 --> 00:25:02,936
Gary goes as himself for
Halloween 'cause of inflation.
671
00:25:03,153 --> 00:25:03,980
Ha!
672
00:25:04,198 --> 00:25:04,938
Maybe we should wait
673
00:25:05,155 --> 00:25:06,505
a little while longer
674
00:25:06,722 --> 00:25:08,332
until he gets his strength back.
675
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,378
No, this is fucking crazy!
676
00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:12,119
He walked to Trammel's.
677
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:14,163
That's the most exercise
he's gotten in years.
678
00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:15,122
He's fine.
679
00:25:15,339 --> 00:25:16,514
He almost got in a fistfight
680
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,168
over fucking Garfield
and survived.
681
00:25:18,386 --> 00:25:21,041
But he's enjoying his new life.
682
00:25:21,258 --> 00:25:24,173
Please, Blaire, all we have
to do is lie to him forever
683
00:25:24,174 --> 00:25:25,872
and he'll be happy.
684
00:25:33,967 --> 00:25:35,229
Hello?
685
00:25:37,187 --> 00:25:39,146
I-I'm supposed
to meet somebody here.
686
00:25:39,842 --> 00:25:40,974
Hello?
687
00:25:41,670 --> 00:25:44,194
I have some information
you might want.
688
00:25:45,108 --> 00:25:46,022
Blaire?
689
00:25:46,414 --> 00:25:47,720
Yes.
690
00:25:47,937 --> 00:25:49,460
What the fuck are we doin' here?
691
00:25:49,635 --> 00:25:50,896
Do they know you're gone?
692
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:52,725
No. I-I climbed out
the bathroom window
693
00:25:52,942 --> 00:25:53,812
like the note said.
694
00:25:53,813 --> 00:25:55,249
What the fuck is goin' on?
695
00:25:55,815 --> 00:25:57,556
The rest of the family
doesn't want you to see this,
696
00:25:57,730 --> 00:26:00,559
but... I can't keep
living a lie.
697
00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:06,565
What's this?
Some kinda joke paper?
698
00:26:06,782 --> 00:26:09,916
No, Matty,
it's the real newspaper.
699
00:26:10,481 --> 00:26:12,179
O.J. is a free man.
700
00:26:13,702 --> 00:26:16,009
- What?
- Read the rest.
701
00:26:19,099 --> 00:26:21,449
It's... it says
Cleveland swept the Red Sox
702
00:26:21,623 --> 00:26:22,885
out of the playoffs.
703
00:26:23,103 --> 00:26:25,192
Of course they lost.
They're the Red Sox.
704
00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:27,194
- You are fuckin' with me!
- Look at the funnies.
705
00:26:29,239 --> 00:26:30,589
Wha...
706
00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:33,766
The Galumphs!
Where are the fucking Galumphs?
707
00:26:33,983 --> 00:26:36,203
There are no Galumphs, Matty.
708
00:26:36,943 --> 00:26:38,334
But...
709
00:26:38,335 --> 00:26:41,208
But Hillary Clinton,
her dick was real, right?
710
00:26:43,297 --> 00:26:45,212
No, she has a vagina.
711
00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:53,220
Oh, my...
712
00:27:02,098 --> 00:27:03,839
Hey, look,
that's the guy from the news.
713
00:27:04,057 --> 00:27:06,842
Hey! Thanks for
stickin' up for O.J.
714
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:08,321
Wh-what?
715
00:27:08,322 --> 00:27:10,890
You're the blackest white man
in Boston!
716
00:27:23,163 --> 00:27:25,469
Oh, my God. Um...
I-I-I'll call an ambulance.
717
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,820
No.
718
00:27:28,037 --> 00:27:29,256
Let me die.
719
00:27:38,308 --> 00:27:39,832
Oh, Matty.
720
00:27:40,049 --> 00:27:41,268
Thank God you're okay.
721
00:27:41,485 --> 00:27:43,966
I was so scared.
- I'm fine.
722
00:27:44,184 --> 00:27:46,011
I'm actually starting to
get used to these heart attacks.
723
00:27:46,012 --> 00:27:47,534
Next one should be a breeze.
Aw.
724
00:27:47,535 --> 00:27:50,277
Oh, you're not allowed
to have any more heart attacks.
725
00:27:50,494 --> 00:27:53,280
We're gonna have
a, a long life together.
726
00:27:54,542 --> 00:27:56,065
I love you, Matty Bennett.
727
00:27:56,587 --> 00:27:57,979
I love you too, Susan.
728
00:27:57,980 --> 00:27:59,547
I'm sorry, Uncle Matty.
729
00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:02,332
I thought telling you the truth
was the right thing to do.
730
00:28:02,550 --> 00:28:05,727
I-I didn't realize
you were so... entrenched.
731
00:28:06,423 --> 00:28:08,295
Anyways, yeah, I'm-I'm sorry.
732
00:28:08,512 --> 00:28:10,035
No, it's all my fault.
733
00:28:10,036 --> 00:28:12,691
This whole thing started
'cause I'm a freeloadin' fuckup,
734
00:28:12,865 --> 00:28:15,694
and I fucked it up even worse
by tricking ya.
735
00:28:15,911 --> 00:28:18,000
I don't blame you
for being pissed.
736
00:28:18,218 --> 00:28:19,392
Are you kiddin'?
737
00:28:19,393 --> 00:28:22,004
I'm not pissed.
I'm fuckin' impressed.
738
00:28:22,222 --> 00:28:24,006
- What?
- Yeah.
739
00:28:24,224 --> 00:28:27,357
You made a whole newspaper
every day for a week.
740
00:28:27,575 --> 00:28:29,882
Shit, it was some
of the best sports writing
741
00:28:30,099 --> 00:28:31,318
I've read in years.
742
00:28:31,535 --> 00:28:32,928
And, and the news.
743
00:28:33,146 --> 00:28:35,626
Johnny, you created
an entire world.
744
00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:37,324
A world I wanna live in.
745
00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,326
Where the Red Sox don't suck.
746
00:28:39,543 --> 00:28:41,545
Where Madonna is dead.
747
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,462
And where a white guy in America
can finally get a fair shake.
748
00:28:45,941 --> 00:28:46,986
Could I get some morphine?
749
00:28:47,203 --> 00:28:48,988
Sure. I'll join you.
750
00:28:49,205 --> 00:28:50,729
Yeah, it was a lie, but...
751
00:28:51,468 --> 00:28:53,383
it gave me
somethin' to believe in.
752
00:28:54,384 --> 00:28:55,995
And if you can do all that...
753
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:59,563
I know you can do anything
you set your mind to.
754
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,348
It was kind of
a two-man operation.
755
00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:03,045
So you don't think I'm a fuckup?
756
00:29:03,263 --> 00:29:04,786
You got potential, Johnny.
757
00:29:05,961 --> 00:29:07,354
I'm proud of you.
758
00:29:08,398 --> 00:29:09,791
Thanks, Dad.
759
00:29:21,063 --> 00:29:23,587
Oh, man,
it's just startin' to hit me
760
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,024
that high school's really over.
761
00:29:25,241 --> 00:29:26,851
Yeah, there's no denyin' it.
762
00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:30,203
You and I are now responsible
adult members of society.
763
00:29:30,420 --> 00:29:31,899
Hand me that bong.
764
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:34,163
We'll probably end up
getting our own place soon.
765
00:29:34,381 --> 00:29:35,991
You think Mom
will still come over to, like,
766
00:29:36,209 --> 00:29:37,688
do our laundry
and clean up and shit?
767
00:29:37,863 --> 00:29:39,429
Abso-fucking-lutely not.
768
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:40,648
She's right, Johnny.
769
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:41,997
We're grown-ups now.
770
00:29:42,215 --> 00:29:43,477
We'll bring the laundry
to Susan.
771
00:29:43,694 --> 00:29:46,567
I say we become
industrial bigwigs
772
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,612
with an office
in the World Trade Center.
773
00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,614
Two offices, one in each tower.
774
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:52,399
And a satellite office
in the Pentagon
775
00:29:52,616 --> 00:29:54,183
for all those
fat government contracts.
776
00:29:54,401 --> 00:29:55,880
And a summer home for vacations.
777
00:29:55,881 --> 00:29:58,231
I hear they got some
great open land in Pennsylvania.
778
00:29:58,448 --> 00:29:59,580
Oh, nothin' will stop us.
779
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:01,408
I think you guys might need to
780
00:30:01,625 --> 00:30:03,236
lower your expectations
a little bit.
781
00:30:03,453 --> 00:30:05,412
Oh, nuh-uh. You heard my dad.
782
00:30:05,629 --> 00:30:07,414
I can do anything
I set my mind to.
783
00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,416
I can go to college,
invent something.
784
00:30:09,633 --> 00:30:11,113
The sky's the limit.
785
00:30:11,331 --> 00:30:13,594
So, what are you gonna do?
786
00:30:23,865 --> 00:30:25,693
You sure this is what you want?
787
00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:28,304
Never been more sure
of anything in my life.
788
00:30:30,089 --> 00:30:31,830
I'm gonna get totally ripped.
789
00:30:32,047 --> 00:30:34,223
You mean like a normal level
of in-shape?
790
00:30:34,441 --> 00:30:36,660
No. Like, really ripped.
791
00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:39,750
Like, so muscular that people
who love me are concerned.
792
00:30:39,925 --> 00:30:42,057
I support you in this endeavor.
793
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:43,798
Let's go.
794
00:30:45,191 --> 00:30:48,890
And John did indeed
get massively swole.
795
00:30:49,108 --> 00:30:50,457
There was a seven-year period
796
00:30:50,674 --> 00:30:52,459
where he never once
wore a shirt.
797
00:30:52,676 --> 00:30:55,854
Eventually he married
a really cool girl,
798
00:30:56,028 --> 00:30:59,466
but they got divorced
and he met another cool girl.
799
00:30:59,683 --> 00:31:01,468
You know what?
There are two movies about it.
800
00:31:01,685 --> 00:31:02,773
Just watch them.
801
00:31:02,948 --> 00:31:04,123
Well, the first one,
802
00:31:04,340 --> 00:31:05,646
the second one
has funny moments,
803
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:07,299
most of them in the first half,
804
00:31:07,300 --> 00:31:09,476
but even I can't sit still
for the whole thing.
805
00:31:09,693 --> 00:31:12,479
Anyway, here's the end credits.
806
00:31:18,528 --> 00:31:22,749
♪ Oh, you've got a headful ♪
♪ Of someone dreadful ♪
807
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:26,232
♪ And yet, alas ♪
♪ That someone adores you ♪
808
00:31:27,537 --> 00:31:31,410
♪ Everybody needs ♪
♪ A best friend ♪
809
00:31:31,411 --> 00:31:33,891
♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪
810
00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:36,503
♪ I'm just a clown ♪
811
00:31:37,373 --> 00:31:40,723
♪ And I'll bring you down ♪
812
00:31:40,724 --> 00:31:42,551
♪ But you just don't care ♪
813
00:31:42,552 --> 00:31:45,251
♪ 'Cause your ♪
814
00:31:46,948 --> 00:31:48,994
♪ Best friend is me ♪
59407
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