Original subtitles

Breaking news in the state senate election for the 27th District.

The New York Times is reporting this morning

what is being called "throuple-gate,"

allegations that Dede Standish's three-way marriage is a hoax...

- What? - Designed to court older, female voters

and that Marcus Greeley, Dede's husband,

is involved in a college cheating scandal, authoring undergraduate papers

in exchange for cash payment.

For analysis.

We turn to Tiffany Albrecht,

live at Standish headquarters.

Tiffany, what can you tell us about this?

It's a bombshell, and it's gone off

on Election Day.

- This seems unprecedented. - It is a bombshell, Pat, and so far,

the Standish campaign has been silent.

Mom!

Mom?

What do you believe the impact on today's election will be...

- Mom! - What? I'm trying to watch this.

This was in the trash, Mom. We talked about this.

I'm sorry. I was going to take it out and put it in the recycling.

A thousand years, Mom.

That's how long this'll sit in a landfill, so.

I said I am sorry.

- Shh. - The Times story alleges

that the three-way relationship,

the so-called throuple, was an invention on the part of the Standish campaign

designed to inject some youthful excitement

and, quote, "sex appeal"

to try and stop the momentum

- of Payton Hobart. - Oh, my God. This is amazing.

Don't say that. Saying something like that's

what's wrong with this country.

- What? - They think

this is what people care about.

I don't give a shit what she does in her bedroom.

Um, do you care that she's a liar?

She lied, and she's a dinosaur,

and Payton Hobart is a genuine man of character

who actually cares about this planet.

Sweetie, I am so glad that you are politically active,

I really am. It's one of my proudest achievements.

But you are taking down the wrong woman, and this is a smear.

No, no, no, wait, which is it?

She lied, and you don't care,

or she didn't lie, and this is all made up?

- I don't care. - Because Dede Standish has been lying

her entire career, Mom.

Every politician has.

They've known about global warming since the 1960s,

and nobody's done anything about it.

What, is Dede Standish suddenly a lobbyist for Exxon?

What are you talking about?

That woman has made our lives demonstrably better.

When did we move here? When was it?

Um, 2003.

Remember when garbage trucks used to park outside our building overnight?

She banned that!

She... Remember summer camp?

She is the reason why they were required to have EpiPens.

She is why I can't get fired for being gay!

She's why there is a charter school two blocks away

that you got to go to!

You met her.

She sends us a Christmas card every year,

and suddenly she's Hannity

because she's not hysterical about climate change?

Maybe that is a sign

that global warming is not the one issue

we all need to get up in arms about!

Okay, boomer.

What did you just say to me?

The world is gonna end in ten years, Mom.

I am barely a boomer, okay?

So don't throw that shit at me.

And the world is not gonna end

- in ten years, Jayne! - What would you care?

You can't even recycle a frigging toothbrush.

Yeah, that's right. Because I can never do enough for you.

Whatever I do, I'm always screwing it up!

I try recycling, not enough.

I got a goddamn fucking compost bin under the sink.

Not enough. I cook you vegan eggs...

- I know. - Whatever the fuck those are,

and still, I am the problem.

I'm not saying you.

I'm saying people your age.

Let me tell you something. People your age, your generation,

you think you know everything, and you are really fucking naive.

When I was your age, I thought I knew everything too,

and I voted for Reagan. I'm still trying to live that down.

We're not naive, Mom.

We're informed.

You had what? Like, two newspapers, three networks?

I've got a supercomputer in my pocket.

The least informed person my age

knows more than the most informed person your age. That's just a fact.

Okay, fine, I'm an idiot.

I somehow raised you for 20 years, on my own,

but clearly, I know absolutely nothing.

Thank you so much, Jayne.

Have a fun election day.

So nice talking to you, Mom. See you tonight.

Hope Dede Standish is toast by then.

Dede Standish might be trying to wait this controversy out.

You're late.

- Sorry. - Did you hear?

We just dropped some major-league shit on Dede Standish.

I did, actually. NBD.

Payton's still gonna lose,

but he's an asshole, so I don't care.

- Okay. - Once this whole shitshow is over,

let me take you out to dinner.

I don't think you even know my name.

So? It doesn't have to be serious.

I'm in kind of a rebound sitch.

- Uh... no. - No, I'm not in a rebound sitch?

Because I am.

Infinity and I dated for, like, six months,

and then, out of nowhere, she broke...

No, I meant, no, we're not gonna go out.

You're awful.

Well, you're... fired.

I'm a volunteer, so I don't think I can be fired.

On your own, and that was the wrong decision!

I am trying to win you this election!

We decided we're not gonna win this election!

You've ruined the elections we have going forward

because now I'm just the candidate who played dirty and still lost.

- The yelling isn't helping... - Okay, you're hired again.

How about you and me, dinner, tonight? My place.

How about a future

okay? What you did did not need doing.

- Hello? - Hi, this is Jayne from Payton H.

We had a long-term plan.

A big, beautiful plan

that stretched to the fucking horizon, for as far as the eye can see, and.

- Hello? - Hi, this is Jayne calling

- from Payton Hobart's campaign. - Yes, how are you?

Good, thank you. How are you?

Not bad. Thanks for asking.

That's so nice. Thank you for not hanging up.

Um, I'm just calling to remind you that today is election day,

- and the polls are op... - That's today?

Yes, that's today.

- I presume you haven't voted? - I don't know where to go.

I can look that up for you right now.

Let me just see what your address is.

Okay, it looks like there's a polling place

at the 24th Street Public Library.

Is that convenient, or do you need me to find a different place?

- I'm actually at work right now... - Okay. That sounds good.

You're a conniving, backstabbing son of a bitch,

who's been in this for one...

No, that's actually Payton Hobart right now.

He is just so passionate

about representing the 27th District in Albany next year.

- Oh, asswipe? - Okay, you have another location,

which is 4567th Ave.

- Does that work for you? - Excuse me!

Can everybody mute their phone for one quick second?

Sorry, can you hold for just a second?

You're fucking fired! Get out!

My pleasure. Sorry I wanted you to win this thing.

Have fun running for school board or whatever the fuck!

Unmute.

Sorry, Mrs. Cortez. Are you there?

- Shit. - Turn on the news!

- What's going on? - Excuse me.

Turnout. It's way up.

We are looking at wait times for up to 30 minutes

to cast a vote...

Holy shit. Okay, okay.

Okay.

Um... you, what's your name?

I know this. I found you to be very impressive.

- Jayne Mueller. You're a Taurus. - Yes!

Okay, excellent. Love the effort. How many of your friends have voted today?

Uh, let me check Instagram super quickly. One second.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Uh, 11, 12? I don't know. A lot. Like, most of them.

- Okay. - Did you hear this?

Hmm?

They say this could be the biggest turnout

for a state senate seat in the history of New York.

We could still win this thing.

Hey, hey.

And black Twitter is behind you.

I mean, like, the 75 people that I know that are black and on Twitter.

Okay, uh, what do we have planned for today?

Uh, you and Alice go vote, do a presser, and that's it.

That's it? Nothing else?

And a concession speech.

I mean, we all agreed that you would probably lose.

Okay, change of plans.

- What time do polls close? - 9:00.

Okay, 9:00. Uh, we need an event.

I want outside Madison Square Park, 3:00 p.m. I want every news outlet there.

- What event? - I don't know. Figure it out!

Okay. You, you, and you, come with me.

Uh, I didn't finish my call list. Is that okay?

Yeah. Give your call list to somebody else, okay?

This is way more important!

Thank you, Mr. Naybor, and there you go.

Voting booths are right over there.

I haven't seen a turnout like this before. Have you?

I... No. I usually vote right away when I get here, and there was a line

- out the door. - No.

Yes. Hi.

- Um, name, please? - Akta Shah.

S-H-A-H.

Is the throuple a lie?

- We're not making a comment. - Here it is.

- Guys, I told you... - Hi.

- No comment. - Hadassah Gold.

Say, would you mind if Senator Standish and I,

uh, cut in front of you?

I've been waiting in line for half an hour.

Yes, but she's who you're waiting in line to vote for,

so we're gonna cut.

Hi.

- Hadassah Gold. Dede Standish. - Of course.

- Pleasure. - Hello. How are you?

- Can I have that quickly? - Of course.

- Yes. Thank you, yeah. - Yes. Here is you.

Uh, F through I is just over here.

- Give me a fucking takeout menu... - Okay, I'm off.

And I'll vote with that. We're trying to get in and out.

Of course. We actually met before, Ms. Gold.

Andi Mueller.

- Um... - Oh, nice to see you again.

- Any comment on the article? - Will you be giving any statement?

Oh, my God.

- No, no! - Any comment on the Times article?

Nuh-uh-uh! No, no, no.

We're not doing that today, guys.

We are not doing that.

We've got a whole day of events to plan,

- and we are so sorry. - Does your husband sell papers

- to undergrads? - We are not making a comment.

I was going to comment on this later.

However, I have not read the article,

but I can tell you that there is not one word of truth to it.

You haven't read it, so how do you know?

- Nobody cares about this. - Well, I'm telling you otherwise,

so why are we still having this conversation?

So, that's your statement? The reporter is lying?

This is why people don't trust the media.

You know that, right?

Andi.

What? Fuck them. This is bullshit. It's bullshit.

Hi there. Uh, Payton Hobart,

- Alice Charles. - Okay,

but the line starts outside.

Okay, do you mind if we go ahead of you? They don't mind. All right.

Really impacting people's lives in a...

How do you think this will affect voters?

Have you read the article? Care to comment?

Hey, Payton!

- Payton. - Hey.

Would you care to comment on this morning's Times article?

Honestly, I haven't read it.

That's bullshit. You fed 'em that story.

As a matter of fact, my fiancée and I just received

some very amazing news that we would love to share.

Alice is pregnant. We'll be expecting our first child next summer.

- Senator... - Oh, for fuck's sake.

Congratulations.

Thank you. We're very excited.

Indeed, and today we have to say that we have our little one on our minds.

Right now, it is more important than ever to be focusing not only on our generation

but on the next, and the kind of planet

that we are all gonna be handing to them.

Know what? As a matter of fact,

- we were just looking at something. - Yes.

- I'm gonna grab it real quick. - So, William Ward stating

that he's actually dating your campaign manager,

that's untrue?

I'm not gonna even dignify that question with a response.

This interview is over. Nonstory.

The allegation that you and your husband are sleeping with one of his students?

I'm not understanding anything that you just said.

- Okay? Thank you. - So

as you can see, uh, this is a map of our entire planet

with a rise in global temperature

of just four degrees Celsius. Now, the lower 48: Desert.

Most of humanity will be forced to migrate to Canada, Alaska, Scandinavia.

Could not be more urgent.

Now is the time to take action,

and, please, join us for our rally for climate action today,

three o'clock this afternoon

in Madison Square Park.

All right, honey, what do you say?

Shall we cast our ballots for climate action?

Yes. I'm ready to make a difference.

Thanks so much.

That was a shitshow.

Why did you stop?

Why didn't you just say, "Sorry",

didn't hear you.

Left my hearing aids at home," and walk the fuck out?

- I couldn't just walk the fuck out. - Excuse me?

- I had to say something. - So you opted

- for "The New York Times is lying"? - Excuse me.

- Senator Standish. - We're really in a hurry.

I'm sorry. Hi, my name is Andi Mueller.

We've met a few times, and, um...

- I'm on your Christmas card list. - Oh, yeah.

- I do recognize you. - Oh!

Well, I just wanted to tell you, and I'm sure you know this already,

but voter turnout has been really high today,

and we are seeing a lot of young people...

Oh, please, for every young person who votes,

there'll be ten old farts!

- Come on, let's go. - Okay.

- My... - Andi,

the good news is we are up by 15 points.

It's a little tighter than we expected,

but don't you worry, we are gonna win this thing.

So good to see you.

- That's very... Yes? - Would you like

to come to our victory party at our offices tonight?

You'd be welcome. You know where we are.

- Up on 7th? - That's right. Yes.

Okay.

Where does this go?

Uh, I'm not sure.

You've never put together a camping shower before?

No. Why would I?

I don't know, you kinda have that

"I did Outward Bound the summer of my freshman year"

or "I have a small coven with my friends, and we spend weekends in the woods"

"for the autumn equinox each year" look.

Although, neither of those sound like a trip where bathing's a priority.

I'm from the West Village. I went to Spence.

Sorry, I tend to put people in boxes without much due diligence.

I need to triage people immediately. "Is this a voter? For us?

If they're not, how do I make them a voter for us?"

So, uh, what's exactly the plan here?

I'm not entirely sure.

I think Payton takes a freezing shower,

and then we save and reuse the water. I don't know.

Some of that zero-waste bullshit that people love.

And it's one of those great viral photo ops

that the media can't stop themselves from using.

Exit polling is all over the place.

- Oh, is that bad? - No, no, no.

It's good. Usually, in a race like this

with a strong incumbent, the exit polling's clear.

The fact she's not crushing us is telling.

- How's it going here? - Trouble with the assembly.

- She doesn't know how to build one? - No.

Really? You never backpacked the Appalachian Trail

or did a chain-yourself-to-a-tree protest?

No, and she didn't do Outward Bound either.

I'm gonna go find an Allen wrench.

Can I ask you a question?

Mm-hmm.

If doing stuff like this didn't poll well,

would you still be doing it?

Are you asking me if I care about the environment

and the future of the planet you and I inherit?

Of course. It's the centerpiece of my campaign.

Yeah, but

it didn't start that way.

You started out talking about the subway

and how Dede was out of touch with the working-class people of New York,

and then suddenly, it was all about the environment.

Well, campaigns evolve. Candidates evolve.

Look, I can honestly say

I've always wanted to win the race, but I wasn't inspired

until I started talking about the environment.

When you started winning.

All right. You wanna have the adult conversation about this?

It's both, okay?

I believe we're in a climate emergency and our political leaders have failed

the younger generation by ignoring it, so if

when I win, I will commit to focusing on that issue

because there is really no problem that's more all-encompassing.

And the only way I'm gonna win this race

is to get young people to vote.

And the only thing that truly inspires young people to get off their buns

and actually vote is climate change.

If that issue was economic inequality

or, like, guns, or the subway,

I'd still spend my life fighting to save the planet,

but, no, I probably would not be taking a cold shower in Madison Square.

There's probably a YouTube how-to for this.

Um, the line was... Was a bit ridiculous,

but I found it was a good time to, like, think about what I heard today...

Get that idiot on the phone.

I can't. Well, I can't... I can't get him on the phone,

because he's stalling.

Hey,

would it be possible

for me to talk to Hadassah or Dede?

Not a problem.

They love to talk to randos who look like Upper West Side therapists

who incorporate macramé into their sessions.

Um, I spoke with them this morning.

I... I volunteer as an election judge...

I don't trust people who are willing to work for no money.

I mean, what's in it for them?

This is ugly.

I believe in Senator Standish,

- and I want her to win. - So do I.

Though I'd trade victory for a slow-motion video of Hadassah's face

when she hears that we lost.

You don't recycle here?

I've toured the recycling centers in this city.

Let me peel back that curtain for ya. It's a scam.

Most of the stuff ends up in the same landfill

or lodged in some whale's anus.

No fight, no flight.

- Come on. Let's go. - We need to get the van.

Okay, we need to get the van

and get those 75 votes at the retirement home.

- Senator Standish? - Yes.

Hi. It's, uh... It's Andi.

Do you have a van?

No, uh...

- I live in the city, I don't drive a car. - Oh, I know you.

You tried to warn us about the voter turnout problem.

You said there wasn't a turnout problem.

- Well... - Well...

- We were wrong. - It turned out it was a problem.

Marcus, pick up.

It's young people.

I was working the voting station all morning.

It's two voters under 30 to every one over 50.

- Oh, God. - My daughter is a student at NYU.

To them, you and Strom Thurmond

might as well have the same policies and beliefs.

You're some old lady who doesn't understand what's important.

Excuse me, we have been fighting for progressive causes

since, frankly, before they were born.

Oh, I know that, but they don't.

Look, lots of kids voted today. There are lots that didn't.

Go down to her campus. Show your face.

Get them to vote for you.

Convince one, and they will bring ten with them.

Little retail politics.

Just like the old days.

Let's go.

- And you're coming with us. - Really?

Yeah, come on. Just come.

- Yeah? - Get in. Get in the car.

How long have we been in this car?

This is not a good idea.

Should we just get out and walk?

We're, like, ten blocks away.

- That's a good idea. - Oh! That's a very good idea.

Where are my Easy Spirits?

Don't you have them?

- Why would I have them? - Because they're your shoes.

For three decades,

you've run my campaigns, you've been my press secretary,

you've edited my speeches,

you have carried my goddamn lipstick

and my Easy Spirit walking shoes.

Did I miss the memo where you decided to change

your job description?

Forgive me, Dede,

I'm just the tiniest bit distracted

by the fact we may actually, shockingly,

lose this election to a bunch of entitled, virtue-signaling little brats

who want to reforest Manhattan

and slap a beehive on the rooftop of every tenement in town!

Oh, my God, how do you counter such inauthentic bullshit?

It's not bullshit to young people.

My daughter cares about the health of the planet

more than she cares about her own economic future.

Unlike us.

I mean,

your generation, my generation.

She... She literally does not care if she never owns a house or a car.

She just wants to make sure she has clean air and water,

and that we don't end up with a climate refugee crisis

in five years,

which we authentically might.

Well, that's not our fault.

It... kind of is.

Look, missy, when I was your daughter's age,

I fought for selfless, unattainable goals too.

I burnt my bra. I marched against the war.

I saved the manatees. I spawned with the fricking salmon, okay?

There is a bald eagle in Central Park

that wouldn't be there if it wasn't for Senator Standish.

I love the environment.

I have fought for it,

and I am really delighted to know that

the young people are energized about it, but they shouldn't be in charge.

They should be part of the conversation, of course, sure,

but they should not be in charge.

They just shouldn't be.

Passion is wonderful.

I also have experience.

I am very experienced,

and I have discipline.

And passion without experience and discipline

is chaos.

Anarchy, okay?

What?

Oh!

Oh, yes, hello, Mr. Mayor.

Hold for Senator Standish.

Hello, Bill.

Well, it's a little closer than any of us would like.

Okay, what?

Oh, hold... hold on.

We're not there yet.

That's right,

because we care about the next generation

and the next, and the next, and the next,

and that is why we are going to cast a vote for change today.

Because we have ten years to save the world,

and if we are willing to fight and never stop fighting,

then we can save this planet.

We don't have to wait around for the change! We are the change!

We will do whatever we can to stop this planet from warming

because today is the day that we save the world.

Yes.

And now to prove to each and every one of you here today

how excited I am

for a new, very chilled planet,

I am going to do the thing

that I hate more than anything else in the world.

I am going to take a freezing cold shower,

and then I am going to recycle that gray water!

All right.

This is for real, everybody.

It is 31 degrees outside,

and that water is coming right out of that tap, okay?

Oh!

How is it, Payton? How is it?

Okay. Um... it is very cold, indeed.

All right, the polls close at 9:00 p.m. Thank you all for coming.

Let's change the world, everybody. God bless!

Okay, all right. Let's go.

Go, Payton! Whoo!

Name, please.

Andi Mueller.

- Sweetheart. - What?

Come here.

Come here.

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry about this morning.

Mom, it's okay.

No, it's not.

I said some stuff I really didn't like.

I'm sorry.

I'm so proud of you.

And I

I want us to be able to disagree and it not turn into a fight.

- It's fine, Mom. - No, it isn't.

If I let politics come between us,

I am part of the problem.

We both are.

We have to listen to one another

and respect one another, and I didn't do that.

Well, I didn't either, so it's okay.

Promise me we're not gonna do that again.

- Okay? - Breaking news now from the politics desk.

Oh, my God, Mom.

- What? - The returns are in.

The New York 27th Senate District,

where Dede Standish is attempting to hold off a...

Mom, what are you doing?

- They're gonna announce who won. - I know.

But whoever wins,

I want you to know that I know you were right.

We had our shot,

my generation,

and we screwed it up.

We left you with

an impossible situation,

and I am so deeply, deeply, deeply sorry for that.

It's your turn now.

Oh, my God, you didn't.

Yep.

I did.

I voted for Payton.

Oh, my God, Mom!

Thank you so much!

I'm so happy!

Oh, I love you, sweetheart.

I love you too, Mom.

- Now, turn on the TV. I wanna see who won. - Okay.