Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously on "Wynonna Earp”...

Hey. - Hi.

ROLF: Miss Wynonna Earp.

Make me the lieutenant. You want me to beg?

WAVERLY: I raised someone from the dead.

I'm here to save humanity.

I need to climb those stairs.

This whole thing is an apocala-tunity.

WAVERLY: He's Julian. He's my father.

JUAN CARLO: We need to get Peacemaker.

Mr Del Rey. - Sheriff Clootie.

Bulshar wants to keep us hating each other

that way we can't come together and take out our real enemy: him.

So what do you say? Anybody wanna go break a goddam curse?

I fuckin' loved hunting and killing you all...

from the moment I first fired Peacemaker...

really fired it...

and sent my first revenant back to hell

Malcolm. - Dick.

I knew it was what I was meant to do.

Even if it was supposed to be someone else...

my sister Willa...

the Earp heir was gonna be me.

I've never said it out loud to anyone before:

the only thing I've ever been any good at is killing.

But I'm willing to give it up.

I'm willing to go back to being...

not much of anything...

a woman with stellar hair-- shout out to Jarvis for the ringlets--

a tired liver, a loaded last name...

This land...

Land that, as a show of faith, I'm also willing to share

like we've been forced to share this curse.

You were criminals and outlaws

and I don't know what you'll become...

when we take down the snake who made us what we are

but I know we'll be free. - MAN SHOUTS: Oh yeah!

ALL CHEER: Yeah!

Gonna take that as a "Yass, Queen".

So we get ready...

and we fight...

and we end Sheriff Clootie once and for all...

MAN CHEERS: Alright! Yeah!

...together.

THEY CHEER

But first, we bourbon!

ALL CHEER: Yeah!

I have not come here to bring peace...

but a sword.

WHOOSHING

BULSHAR: You.

TEARING AND RIPPING

BULSHAR CHUCKLES

He wasn't mortal

righteous, and neither am I.

Not yet.

It's such a beautiful moon.

Go have some fun.

Oh, and slaughter every last one of them.

And you, Lieutenant...

bring what I need to ascend.

Bring me Earp. Bitch. Blood.

SHE SIGHS: Where are you?

WAVERLY: Wynonna!

WYNONNA: What the hell! - Are you mad?

I can't be. I'm... I'm happy to see your face.

Good.

I'm glad you're here if it's going down.

I'm yelling timber.

KEITH: Hi, Miss Waverly.

Keith's here? - Mm-hm.

Keith, the revenant?

And there's a whole bunch more in the house.

OK, like... - Most of the revenants.

I have an army of revenants now. - Cool, cool, cool.

You seem oddly unfazed.

Oh God. I feel like I can top that.

WYNONNA: I may not be pissed at you

but Charlie was supposed to have you out of the Ghost River Triangle by now.

Charlie was supposed to be a lot of things.

Instead...

he's my father.

Wynonna, I know it's a lot.

WHOOSHING

He has wings.

JEREMY: I am a feather. I am a plant. I am a gust of wind.

I am a feather. I am a plant. I am a gust of wind.

I am a... Hey. Any sign of a Bobo?

No. Not even a Bo. Are you zen yet?

I am a feather. I am a plant. I am a gust of wind.

I am freaking out right now because I'm just procrastinating.

You know, I... I should be using this arm to figure out how we stop the big bad

but I'm gonna fail, like I failed Dolls and...

Oh. Oh. Stop, stop, stop. Breathe.

Breathe.

JEREMY SIGHS: Oh, yes.

OK, you're my personal mediation app.

You can double-tap me anytime.

Nah, maybe later.

Thanks, Jett. - No big.

It's in my best interest that you stop the apocalypse

and you need to be calm to do that, so...

OK, OK, OK, so...

Bulshar is organic, and the snake

so maybe he's poisonous, like the widow wives were

and I... I can make some sort of anti-venom.

TENSE MUSIC

Whoa.

Doc. - You OK?

Yeah, but he's not.

Yeah, but we gotta keep going.

WYNONNA: My ex-boyfriend, Charlie...

is your father, Julian? - WAVERLY: Yeah.

Oh, hose job, this is gonna kill Mama.

It's not Mama I'm worried about.

WYNONNA GROANS

Mama's not here.

WYNONNA: Hmm.

WYNONNA: Neither is Doc. - Oh yeah, um, Doc is...

not OK.

Yeah, did he sleep with Charlian... Jullie too?

No.

Doc killed Charlie. - Uh-huh.

Then I resurrected him with the ring

and, uh.., well, and then Doc tried to kill him again.

But how does my hair look?

Wynonna. - WYNONNA: Waves...

what can I possibly say?

Bulshar's about to get into the Garden of Eden

and do something to destroy humanity

and I don't have my magic gun that can kill my demonic enemies

who are currently in my kitchen

so finding out that I schtupped my sister's Dad...

Perspective.

A good look on you.

And if it's all gonna end, whatever he did...

I need to find Doc.

My Doc. - Yeah. I need to find Nicole.

Hey, and you know your hair looks great.

I know, but is it end of the world great?

SHE GROANS

NICOLE: Still hurts, huh?

Not as much as losing my man.

You mean, the vampire who left you for dead?

Oh, he didn't think I'd die. And I didn't, thanks to you.

Hey, you're kinda judge-y for a Capricorn.

NICOLE: Yeah, well I'm also a cop

so forgive me if I don't find the bad boyfriend dance amusing.

Like you're not ruled by tu coneja.

OK, yes, I admit it.

I am a little worried about my girlfriend due to impending apocalypse.

So clingy...

OK, seriously, where the frick is Waverly?

Sorry. I just really like her.

Never apologise for love, Red. Not to me.

Waverly is with Wynonna.

Good, but she's supposed to be with Charlie.

The one with the sweet blood.

She's not with him.., but of him.

DOOR CRASHES OPEN

Bulshar's minions. - You couldn't have seen this coming?

IMPACT THUDS - GUNFIRE

Damn girl. You sure you're not a Scorpio?

SHE SCREAMS

NICOLE SIGHS

MERCEDES: Honey, I'm home!

Also, I despise honey.

Mercedes? - You're welcome.

They look like big dongs but they're actually giant pussies.

Who is that?

I'm Kate. I live here.

Well, then we're gonna talk rent and redecorating.

NICOLE SIGHS

I gotta go. - Yeah you should

because Bulshar will have released his little bee boys

on all of Wynonna's friends.

They've got one, so they'll be coming after the others.

I should know, I'm kind of married to him.

It's a whole thing.

I mean, if you're OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a flesh wound.

That smells like vanilla-dipped doughnuts.

OK, so she's a vampire?

NICOLE: Yeah.

Can you take care of her? She can't fully heal until night falls.

Which it won't due to the Pledge Moon.

Not unless Team Earp defeats him. Go.

OK? She tries to bite me, she gets slapped.

I kinda like her. - Be safe, OK?

OK. I... I... I think I got it. I... I think I actually figured it out.

See? I knew you'd crush this.

What... What are you wearing?

Oh, Nedley had a drawer full of backup shirts

and this one was, you know, the least stained.

What? You went to get coffee and you came back The Heat?

Did I not mention Nicole sort of deputised me?

Uh, wait. I am, uh... I'm dating a cop?

Wait, Did you just say you know how to make the anti-venom?

Uh, yeah, well...

What? Why so nonchalant, big-brain? This is huge. You should be chalant!

No, I mean, I've figured out how we can navigate the sporey forest

unseen by the beekeepers.

It's just gonna take four months to synthesise and I don't know if...

Moo... - Moo?

Move! - ROBIN: What the hell!

No way are they shoving a big nasty seed in me this time.

JEREMY: Why aren't they attacking?

NEDLEY: Just stopped in for a couple of spare shirts

but the dingle-dangles had to ruin everything.

Boys, you go ahead and duck.

JEREMY: Whoa.

NICOLE: OK breathe, Haught.

Get your panties out of your buns.

Turns out getting stabbed really hurts.

GROANS LOUDLY

Of all the jerks in all the gin joints...

WYNONNA: No wings? - No, I only whip 'em out when I need 'em.

They're like windshield wipers. - Or condoms.

Yeah. Um...

So, Charlie... - No. It's Julian.

Wynonna, I did... I did not know.

I did not remember until Waverly touched me with this.

So you're an angel?

JULIAN: I am, tasked with guarding the Garden, eons ago.

I watched humanity flourish...

get tempted and fall, all at the hands of a snake.

WYNONNA: Bulshar.

He wants back in it.

Well, it's Paradise.

Or so they say.

You've never been inside?

I never left my post until I did for your mother.

I truly loved her.

This just gets better and better.

JULIAN: Juan Carlo went first

when we saw that Bulshar had returned to the Ghost River Triangle.

He disguised himself as a Padre

and we removed the Garden's security system

a flaming sword

and we sought a champion to wield it, a mortal champion.

Wyatt Earp. - He was brave and true.

Didn't quite finish the job though, did he?

JULIAN: No.

I suspect he was in a rush...

to see his best friend one last time before he died.

It runs in the family.

Just tell me you'll do whatever it takes so Waverly won't have to--

Officer Haught.

Oh my God, Nicole.

NICOLE GASPS AND GROANS

WYNONNA: Go get Waverly.

Doc!

But I'm not permitted in the house, remember?

You're fucking permitted! I'm permitting you!

Please, she's all alone.

PHONE RINGS - Oh, my God.

Sweetie, you're really starting to freak me out.

I have so much to tell you, like...

like, so much.

GROWLING

Bobo?

For years, I was certain that Ward didn't deserve this life

this home...

you, my angel.

And now I'm sure of it.

You met your father?

Your real father?

Are you here to help us?

Even if I wanted to...

HE COUGHS FORCEFULLY

GRUNTS

I am of him now.

TENSE MUSIC

I'm calling in my favour, Waverly.

A favour?

A favour after all you've done to our family?

When the time comes

I want you to set me free.

I could fix this. - WYNONNA: Could?

This is the love of your daughter's life.

There will be a price to pay. - BOTH: There always is.

NICOLE GASPS FOR AIR

JULIAN BREATHES RAPIDLY

He did it.

Did we get 'em?

Stay with her. I'm going to Waverly.

This was in the greenhouse.

I lost this a long time ago.

Doc, you would not have been able to hold this

if your soul was truly compromised.

ROBIN: Dudes, we slayed!

We cut through 'em like RuPaul cuts through performances without heart.

I, uh... I haven't seen that show.

Get your life in order, son.

I couldn't work fast enough.

I give up.

Did Lou Bega give up after Mambos one through four failed?

No. He wrote Mambo Number Five and the rest is music history.

I'm so thrilled I get to die with that song stuck in my head.

You know, it's true that later

he had to go through this lengthy copyright trial.

They were claiming it was less than original.

JEREMY: OK. You take a little bit of Monica...

A little bit of... - Of Erica?

ROBIN: Rita?

No, no, no, no. You take a little bit of Bulshar!

And... And a little bit of Robin!

ROBIN: Which part? - Your blood. You're immune.

That's why the beekeepers didn't attack you.

They thought that you were one of their own.

Wait. You know you can't un-blender stuff!

Mambo number six!

Well, I think you should put it on puree.

WAVERLY: Julian?

Angel boy, it's been a long time.

And now you're back

and ready to take credit for everything this girl has become

all on her own.

We both know the best parts of Waverly came from her mother.

HE GROANS AND COUGHS

STONES TRICKLE

JULIAN: You've been changed?

You gave up your free will. I can't save you now...

but I can end it.

Thanks, but I've already chosen my exit strategy.

HE SCOFFS

Nicole is OK. - What?

Was she not OK? Is she not...?

I used everything I had to save her.

Now, you need this more than me. And soon.

Bulshar's brought the fight to us.

HORN CALLS OUT

CLAMOUR

DOC: I thought this would go down at the Stairs.

WYNONNA: Me too. - I guess Bulshar's missing something.

Yeah. Me.

JARVIS: This is bad. Is this bad?

WYNONNA: It ain't great. - We had to survive the Old West.

Bulshar has sorely underestimated the utter assholes he's up against.

Wynonna! What the...!

JULIAN: Grenades!

WAVERLY SCREAMS

Here comes the rain!

EXPLOSIONS

Alright, now I'm pissed.

Take your time, boys.

The Devil's Paintbrush.

They got a Browning!

Nicole's still in the barn!

WYNONNA GRUNTS

I need to get to the house. We need real guns.

HUI SHOUTS OUT INDISTINCTLY

Hui! - Go! Don't let him waste this!

HUI SCREAMS

WYNONNA: Waverly, they brought a mother of a machine gun!

We packing? - Like a bed-wetter for summer camp.

NICOLE GRUNTS

Don't come near me. - I am the least of your problems.

You killed Charlie.

I have done much worse, but I will not hurt you.

WYNONNA: Time to clear out the old swimming hole!

WYNONNA CRIES OUT

The master will have his gift.

WYNONNA SCREAMS

WYNONNA: Ow, bitch!

Get off me! Argh!

I swear to God... - God is not here.

Wynonna! Wynonna!

BULSHAR: He hasn't been here for a long, long time.

SHE CRIES OUT

CHAINSAW REVS AND ROARS

Wynonna. Where is she?

FAINT ROAR OF CHAINSAW

The wood pile. Bulshar!

WYNONNA SCREAMS: No! - CHAINSAW ROARS

GROANS

The angel returneth.

Better late than never.

You must not enter the Garden. - You've never even seen it.

Now you never will.

Where's your ring?

WYNONNA: Charlie!

BOBO CRIES OUT

Charlie! - Dad!

GUNFIRE - BOBO CRIES OUT

Learn some new tricks, you old tired bitch.

BOBO: Henry?

Mortal weapons can't kill me.

This isn't mortal.

BOBO SCREAMS

HISSING AND FIZZING

You could have been better than this.

There.

Free.

Thank you.

INDISTINCT DISTANT VOICES

WYNONNA: The curse has bound us, Bulshar.

All I have to do is touch you, dickwad, and this whole thing is over.

For once, you're almost right.

It is over.

WAVERLY: Wynonna!

Where are the other revenants? What happened?

Wynonna...

Wynonna, your nose.

They're gone.

And I'm just...

I don't have it anymore.

What? - Bulshar did it.

He broke the Earp curse.

SOMBRE MUSIC

I tried and tried to wake him up again, but...

it won't work this time.

The ring won't work.

Bobo?

JEREMY: Hey, Waves.

Where... Where are the others?

I think, um...

I think Nicole's in the barn and well, Wynonna and Doc are--

Wait. Doc's here?

Where the hell have you been?

Sorry.

I'm just sad. - No, I know.

What? You can feel it with your power?

No. I can see it on my best friend's face.

Jeremy's been working on something that will give us a fighting chance.

JEREMY: Yes.

I dragged the last of the beekeeper corpses

to the garden out back.

We usually just use manure.

I doubt anything will grow within ten feet of it this year.

I am sorry...

about Charlie.

He was the love of my mum's life.

He died to save Waverly.

There is nothing he would not have done for her.

She was his daughter.

And ours is free.

The Earp curse is broken.

You did it. You did it, Wynonna-- - No.

Not me.

Bulshar, with my own blood. He tricked me. - Why?

I think he needs to be mortal to get into the Garden

and when we were linked, my touch could end him

so he used my own blood to unlink us and became vulnerable, like me.

I have done terrible...

terrible things...

but I will fight until the end, by your side

if you'll have me.

After everything you've done, how could I possibly trust you?

METALLIC CLICKING

Well, clearly you cannot.

These things will not be able keep me here.

WYNONNA: But a rope soaked in holy water will.

Do not do this.

See you on the other side, Doc.

DOC: Wynonna, what are you gonna do?

Wynonna!

Wynonna Earp!

I thought I'd lost you.

NICOLE: No, I'm just having some baby carrots.

Hey.

I'm so sorry about Charlie...

about your father, Charlie.

What I meant before...

uh, before and... And now, is, uh...

I'm not losing anyone else I love today.

No.

HER BREATH QUIVERS

Because I do...

I do Nicole Really Haught.

I really, really love you.

And I really, really hate this ring.

Is that a "yes"?

DOOR OPENS

WYNONNA: Bring it in, Team Earp. Now. Please.

It's a crypsis. I... I blendered Bulshar's arm just to make it.

Whoa, whoa. Wait. Did... Does he mean blended?

No, he does not. - It's a "crypsics"?

"Crypsis": the ability of an animal to avoid detection by other animals.

Camouflage. - We need to coat ourselves in.., well...

Dab ourselves with... - Wrap it up, nerds.

And the beekeepers won't be able to see us.

Which means that they can't stop us.

ROBIN: And we won't. Not until Bulshar gets dead.

Yes!

WYNONNA: How we gonna get him dead?

The curse is broken.

There is no Earp heir.

I'm just a girl with a big-ass.., ass.

NICOLE: Girl.

You're right. Them boots is tight. - Yeah. Top shelf.

JEREMY: Hey, this is good. There's usually a lot of vagina jokes.

This would be the part of the movie where I tell you

you should leave if you want to.

Yeah, well, we're not going to.

Bulshar gave me one gift.

He showed me what I'm most afraid of.

What's that?

Losing you.

Well, we're all coming with you...

THUD

Nah. You're not. - You drugged us.

Pretty much, yep. - SLURS: You can't.., do this alone, Earp.

There's not enough crypsis for all of us. And I'm a coward.

WAVERLY: Nicole!

What the hell!

I can't handle seeing the looks on your faces if I fail.

WAVERLY: Hey! Asshole!

That was a total dick move, even for you.

WYNONNA: You clearly underestimate the amount of dick I be.

WAVERLY: Yeah, well, I know you better than anyone

which is why I didn't take a sip of your dumb drugged whiskey!

I didn't drug yours, Waverly.

What? Why not?

Juan Carlo and Julian: two angel guardians of the Garden

a flaming sword...

and a backup sword.

Looks like old what's-his-name was all about the alternates.

Two sisters. - You and me, kid.

Am I your backup?

Uh...

I think we both know I'm yours, angel.

What's that smell? - Eau de crypsis.

Geez. Jeremy couldn't have added a pinch of patchouli?

You gotta put some on too. - WAVERLY: Urgh. Gross.

OK, and we're sure this will make it so his beekeepers can't see us?

I am only sure it smells like Randy Nedley's hockey bag.

WAVERLY: I don't want Nedley to die.

WYNONNA: Then let's go stop the apocalypse and make sure he doesn't.

DEEP HEART-BEAT THUDS

WYNONNA: Yo, Bushwacked.

BULSHAR: The Earp Sisters, here to die together.

WYNONNA: You're not gonna climb those stairs, Bulshar.

He's near the stairs, right? - Oh yeah.

You bested my bees.

I bested your Mum.

You're ridiculous.

And you're mortal, which means I can kill you.

Come then. - OK.

WAVERLY: What?

Wynonna!

Don't you get it, Wynonna Earp? You're not the heir of anything, anymore.

Your mum's not the heir of anything anymore.

Julian, Juan Carlo...

They used to be so mighty.

I really expected more from an angel.

WAVERLY: Well, then you're gonna love this.

SHE GRUNTS

Are you levitating?

BULSHAR: You pathetic quim.

Only a hero can wield the flaming sword against a demon.

Or heroine, and only an angel can name one.

My Dad taught me that right before you killed him.

BULSHAR LAUGHS

That's impossible.

Wynonna Earp...

you are chosen.

Get it, girl.

Peacemaker.

I can see the stairs!

Also, holy shitballs!

You think you can handle my sword?

If I had a nickel for every snake who's asked me that.

You like that, bitch?

I've seen Princess Bride like 70 times.

DULL THUDDING

Wynonna, I can't get down!

The Garden will have her. - Sorry, she's already taken.

WAVERLY GRUNTS

BULSHAR HISSES

This is for Waverly's Dad.

This is for humanity.

And that's for my family.

We could enter the Garden together.

Rule as one. - Eew. Consent denied.

Then you will die. - You first.

No!

No.

Son of a Cobra Kai!

Wynonna.

Wynonna.

Wynonna, let me out of here!

Don't you die on me, idiot!

WYNONNA: It's OK.

You'll be fine, baby girl.

PANTING

No! No!

SLURPING SOUNDS

EPIC MUSIC SWELLS

DOORS RUMBLE OPEN

BRANCHES CREAK

Where've you been?

You left me handcuffed

and bound in a circle of holy water, remember?

WYNONNA: Oh, excuses, excuses.

You suck.

Thanks?

No, I mean, you sucked out the venom.

How'd I taste?

Heroic.

WAVERLY GRUNTS

Waverly!

WAVERLY: Wynonna, you did it.

You killed Bulshar, my hero.

Don't you dare give up, baby girl!

WAVERLY: I'm tired. - WYNONNA: I'm not.

I'm fresh as a daisy. Come on. Fight, Earp.

Listen. Can you tell Nicole that--? - You tell her.

I can't hold on. - WYNONNA: Please.

Please.

But you'll come get me?

Don't you dare!

Wynonna, please don't leave me alone in there with that thing.

WYNONNA: No!

IMPACT THUD

SHE SCREAMS

I can't get on the stairs!

Wynonna!

IMMENSE HIGH-PITCHED WAIL RINGS OUT

WAIL SUBSIDES

SLOW ACOUSTIC MUSIC:

["Tell That Devil" by Jill Andrews]

Doc, you can't. You're not mortal.

♪ Tell that devil to take you back... ♪

You're not. You're not mortal, Doc.

♪ My heart went from red to black... ♪

How? How?

♪ Came up from that Lake of Fire... ♪

That's not fair. I can't come with you.

Not this time, love.

You're the guardian.

And you are the only one that can wield the flaming sword.

She doesn't even have a weapon in there.

I am a weapon.

♪ I gave you all I got to give ♪

♪ I know it ain't no way to live ♪

♪ I told that devil to take you back ♪

♪ Told that devil to take you back ♪

♪ Told that devil to take you back. ♪

Bye.

WYNONNA: Haught? Nicole? Jeremy?

Robin?

Who the hell is Valdez?

Oh, well, I guess I'm cancelling my trip to Punta Cana.

Retirement would bore you, trust me.

Oh, I do.

I went back to the homestead.

NEDLEY: They're all gone.

WYNONNA: And in town?

Chrissy, everybody.

It's just you and me, kid.

Something in the Garden was trying to come through, and then it...

It was coming for them.

I thought it was supposed to be Paradise. - Are they even still alive in there?

Hell, yes. - Just tell me what we do.

GUN CLICKS

Let's get them back.

NEDLEY: Oh, fuck yeah!