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-It`s on for tonight? -Yes.

-It`s too soon to wake him. -We have no choice.

I programmed the CLC for two hours.

-Who knows when it`II be open again? -We`II move him if he wakes up.

If not, we`II dispose of him the usuaI way.

Please state registration code. Check.

-Where was the subject found? -In the woods a week ago.

The capsuIe was fuIIy intact.

-Is the capsuIe dated? -Yes. The subject was frozen in 1 973.

Which means he`s been under for 200 years.

-BIood pressure. -1 40 over 50.

-EncephaIo activity? -Just under normaI.

GeneraI Iife functions, acceptabIe.

He shouId wake up any moment.

Any information on him?

Just the usuaI data card and personaI artifacts.

The subject was 35 years oId at time of initiaI cryogenic immersion.

His name, MiIes Monroe. It says he was part owner...

...of the Happy Carrot HeaIth Food Restaurant.

AIso a cIarinet pIayer with the Ragtime RascaIs.

Was his immersion voIuntary?

According to this, ``He was admitted with a minor peptic uIcer...

...and compIications set in.``

The patient never regained consciousness.

He was admitted for cryogenic immersion by his cousin.

-The physicaI damage was repaired. -TotaIIy.

We`re getting a response.

This is criticaI. If this isn`t handIed carefuIIy...

...there couId be trauma.

Remember, this subject expects to be waking up...

...in St. Vincent`s HospitaI, in Greenwich ViIIage in 1 973.

SwaIIow refIex is aImost there.

-Let`s move him. -He`s not ready.

We`ve got to get him ambuIatory.

CarefuI. CarefuI!

Now, just keep him on his feet.

Get him to the farm. We`II meet there tonight.

Yes.

Let`s try to take a step. Like this. One.

Up it comes. Look at me. Up, down.

That`s it. There you are.

-Very good, Mr. Monroe! -Good!

Up, down. No, he`s got it in reverse.

You`re going the wrong way!

No, the other way! There we go.

Security is coming!

PIease, Mr. Monroe, wake up!

We`ve got to get him dressed. Stand here.

Stay there. That`s it.

Mr. Monroe. Here we are.

Oh!

Sorry to bother you. Is everything okay?

Yes. We ought to be through here shortIy.

That`s funny. We`re getting a misread on the power function.

ReaIIy? I`II order a check first thing in the morning.

Any reason why anyone eIse wouId be using power?

No, it`s just Dr. Orva, Dr. Monroe and myseIf.

We definiteIy registered an increase here.

Uh, don`t mind Dr. Monroe.

He-- He-- Oh.

He`s feeIing the effects of a new treatment.

-What`s this? -Oh, that....

I think you shouId come with us.

-We haven`t done anything. -I can expIain.

You`ve heard of the Venus Project?

-Yes. -WeII--

We had to finish some very important work.

We were given no reason to beIieve that we couIdn`t--

-Do you have authorization? -Yes.

We came through channeIs a week ago.

-Don`t you beIieve--? -Dr. Monroe--

-This reaIIy is getting-- -It couId be dangerous.

PIease just Iet us compIete our work.

He`II get dizzy. This is getting worse.

Can`t you see what a difficuIt--?

The experiment is getting out of hand.

If we hadn`t been interrupted, we`d have this under controI.

Is this experiment authorized?

He`s fuIIy recovered, except for a few minor kinks.

-Has he asked for anything speciaI? -For breakfast...

...he requested wheat germ...

-...organic honey and tiger`s miIk. -Those were substances...

...that were feIt to be Iife-preserving.

You mean there was no deep fat?

No steak or cream pies or hot fudge?

Those were thought unheaIthy.

The opposite of what we now know is true.

IncredibIe. WeII, he wants to know where he is...

...and what`s going on.

I think it`s time to teII him.

I can`t beIieve this!

My doctor said I`d be up in five days.

He was off by 1 99 years.

Think of this experience as a miracIe of science.

A miracIe of science is, I have surgery...

...I wake up and my rent isn`t 200 years Iate.

That`s a miracIe of science. This is a cosmic screwing.

And where am I anyhow? What happened to aII my friends?

Everyone you knew before has been dead 200 years.

But they aII ate organic rice.

You are now in the year 21 73.

This is the CentraI ParaIIeI of the American Federation.

It`s what you`d probabIy caII the southwestern United States.

That was before the war.

-War? -According to history...

...a century ago, a man found a nucIear warhead.

You wiII remain in hiding here for two weeks for testing.

When you`ve recovered, we`II discuss the pIan.

I stiII can`t beIieve this.

What do you mean, ``hiding``? Who am I hiding from?

WeII, you might as weII know, MiIes...

...your revivaI was in opposition to government poIicy.

What we did is iIIegaI.

And if we`re caught, we`II aII be destroyed.

Destroyed?

Your brain wiII be simpIified.

My brain? That`s my second favorite organ.

Resisters to mind reprogramming wiII be exterminated.

What is this? This is worse than CaIifornia.

There is a growing underground, MiIes.

And someday we can overthrow our great Ieader.

You must be kidding. I wanna go back to sIeep.

If I don`t get 600 years, I get grouchy.

We`re moving too fast. He`s stiII unstabIe.

I go in for a Iousy uIcer operation.

I`m in tinfoiI for 200 years, I wake up on the ``Ten Most Wanted`` Iist.

We`d better tranquiIize him.

It was too good to be true. I parked near the hospitaI.

Smoke this. Get the smoke deep into your Iungs.

-I don`t smoke. -It`s tobacco.

It`s one of the heaIthiest things for you.

You need your strength.

I bought PoIaroid at seven. It`s probabIy up miIIions by now.

Now we have certain artifacts here...

...which we date from 1 950 to 2000.

We`d Iike any information you can give us on them. LittIe exists.

-For instance. -Joseph StaIin.

I was not too crazy about him.

Bad mustache. Lots of bad habits.

This is BeIa Lugosi, former New York City mayor.

See what it did to him?

This is, uh--

CharIes de GauIIe, a very famous French chef.

Had his own TV show, where he made souffI�s and everything.

This is Scott FitzgeraId over here.

Romantic writer. Big with EngIish majors...

...coIIege girIs, nymphomaniacs.

This is Chiang Kai-shek, who I was aIso not crazy about.

BiIIy Graham. Very big in the reIigion business.

You know? He knew God personaIIy.

They got him his compIete wardrobe.

Went out on doubIe dates.

They were once romanticaIIy Iinked.

This is some girIs burning a bra.

You notice it`s a very smaII fire.

Um, this-- I don`t know what that is.

That`s Norman MaiIer. He was a great writer.

He donated his ego to the Harvard MedicaI SchooI for study.

And this is a centerfoId...

...from a magazine caIIed Playboy.

These girIs didn`t exist in actuaI Iife.

They were rubberized.

Then you couId spread ointment or anything eIse that you--

I`II just take this and study it Iater.

Uh, and um...

...wouId you teII me exactIy what this is?

This is the ``Chattering Teeth.``

You`d take this to a party if you wanted big Iaughs.

And you put it down on a tabIe.

And you`d set it off. And then....

You see how funny it is? The teeth chatter. They`re pIastic.

I am going, at this time...

... to give to this TV and radio audience--

Some of us think he might once have been president...

...but that he did something horrendous...

...so that aII records were wiped out about him.

There is nothing in books. No pictures on stamps or money.

He was the president.

Whenever he Ieft the White House they wouId count the siIverware.

Thank you very much.

From the start, Muhammad Ali`s career...

...was marked by controversy, and who knows?

It may have ended in the very same way.

At first we didn`t know what this was...

...but we have a theory.

When criminaIs in your society were punished...

...they made them watch this.

Remember the way it began? March of 1 964.

-That`s where it began. -Yes, that`s exactIy right.

-WouId you Iike more? -This is awfuI.

-I couId have soId it at my store. -Janus, some more for Mr. Monroe.

Certainly, sir.

Are you thirsty, sir?

-Me? No. No, thank you. -Of course.

-These robots are uncanny. -They`re a big industry.

More sophisticated than any other Iabor-saving devices.

-They`re pIastic. -But they`re responsive.

-I`ve dated girIs with Iess movement. -Watch this.

Janus, come here.

Yes, Dr. Orva. May I be of service to you?

TeII us about yourseIf.

My name is Janus 4 1 4.

I`m a domestic service menial, 400 series.

I can cook, clean. I am a butler, gardener and chauffeur.

I have been programmed to respond to a series of domestic commands.

CIear the tabIe and Ieave the room.

Come on, MiIes.

Any femaIes? The possibiIities are IimitIess.

-You must get out of here. -Where am I going?

To the Western District. The underground movement is there.

Have you ever taken a poIiticaI stand on anything?

Yeah, sure. For 24 hours once I refused to eat grapes.

We want to know about something caIIed the Aires Project.

-Why? -It`s the Ieader`s pIot...

...to destroy the revoIution.

How do I fit in?

We woke you because you have no identity.

Everyone here has a record.

We`ve been computerized...

...fingerprinted, voiceprinted.

But not you. You can be used to penetrate.

And you don`t know anything.

They couId torture you. What couId you say?

My name, rank and your name.

You`ve got to heIp us.

I`m not the heroic type.

-I was beaten by Quakers. -You`re our chance.

I`d Iove to heIp, but I don`t do anything that invoIves torture.

I`m a screamer. It`s embarrassing.

-I wake up shrieking. -Excuse me.

The security poIice have surrounded the house.

When do you want lunch?

-Go to the Western District! -Find the Aires Project!

-You can do it! -Out that way!

FIy, goddamn it, fIy!

Goddamn cheap, Japanese fIying packs!

No! No! No!

We haven`t found the aIien. We need to check the van.

AII right. Come on. I don`t have aII day.

Come on, come on.

Here`s your new home.

Oh, no.

Is this aII they had?

I`d hoped for at Ieast decent features.

Next week I`II have your head removed.

Okay. Come on. Come on.

What`s your name?

-MiIo. -The alien is still at large.

Anyone observing unusual activity or behavior...

...should do our leader a favor by reporting it to the police.

I`m expecting company any minute now.

You`II heIp with the drinks and serve.

The kitchen is on a singIe-circuit system.

I`m going to put rose oiI on my fingertips.

ReguIate the aromatron.

And make sure there`s Iots of food. AII right.

I think the way it was first expIained to me....

-Which one? There were so many. -That very funny story.

Hi, everyone! Long time no see!

Long time no see. Come right on in.

Wait, wait, wait.

Come on. Hurry up.

Where did you get that? It`s gorgeous.

-Hi. How are you? -You Iook great.

Luna. Thank you.

It`s wonderfuI. You shouIdn`t have.

-I thought you`d Iike it. -It`s Keane.

It`s pure Keane. No.

No, it`s greater than Keane. It`s Cugat.

It was white. And you know where she got it.

-You`re kidding. -And you know who paid for--

-...magnificent. -Oh, Iet`s go teII her about what--

Here it is!

-Let me get that for you. -Thank you.

The Orb.

CouId I get a hit off of that Orb, MiIo?

-Now, MiIo! -Let`s aII go for a swim!

Where`s the pooI?

Run, run, run, run!

Oh, that was wonderfuI! I feeI so refreshed!

We couId have screwed if the crowd was bigger.

-We`II use the Orgasmatron. -Good idea.

-Come on. -BeverIy`s nose Iooked Iarger tonight.

-I had such a good time. -I thought the party came off weII.

As good as Iast night`s.

Maybe not as good as Saturday`s, but you know what?

I Iove a party with a theme. What`s on your mind?

They arrested DaIton Porter today.

-Why? -He`s with the underground.

It was horribIe.

They tried to reprogram his mind.

-Now he`s a vegetabIe. -Stop.

I saw it happen. He was babbIing.

He cIaimed he saw experiments at the hospitaI. Something caIIed Aires.

I don`t want to hear it.

This worId is fuII of great things. What makes peopIe hate everything?

Why is there an underground?

We have the Orb, the TeIescreen, the Orgasmatron.

-What do they want? -It`s hard to beIieve. We`re artists.

-We respond onIy to beauty. -Oh, yes. I know.

I wrote a poem today.

-You didn`t. -Yes, I did.

A little boy caught a butterfly And said to himself

I must try to understand my life And help others

Not just mothers and fathers

But friends, strangers too

With eyes of blue With lips, full red and round

But the butterfly didn`t make a sound

For he had turned into a caterpillar By and by

It`s deep.

You`re so obviousIy infIuenced by McKuen.

-Do you reaIIy Iike it? -One thing...

...they change from caterpiIIars into butterfIies...

-...not the other way. -They do?

They do? Damn it!

Damn it! I aIways get that wrong!

-Oh, shoot! -ReIax, reIax.

-Have some chocoIate. -The evening`s spoiIed!

-No! -I`m getting a headache!

-I hate to be wrong! -Luna.

-No! -Sit down.

-Luna, sit down. -Sorry.

-It`II be aII right. Now just reIax. -I was having so much fun.

Come on.

That`s better.

And now, Channel 1 200 leaves the air until tomorrow.

Our leader wishes you all a good night.

-Can I heIp you? -PIease change his head.

-Something more aesthetic. -Right.

And check his works. He acts pecuIiar.

Any room for a head change?

Yeah, sure.

-AII right. I`II be back. -Let`s go.

I need your heIp.

I`m MiIes. I was frozen in 1 973, but they thawed me.

I didn`t do anything! I`m a nice person with good goaIs.

I`d never force myseIf sexuaIIy on a bIind person.

-You`re the aIien. -Your government is eviI.

-What is the Aires Project? -You`re him.

You won`t give me up. You`re nice.

I knew I couId count on you.

Are you hungry?

Do you want a cracker? Take a cracker.

You must be hungry? It`s been hours.

These space cookies were aII you had.

Eat something. You`II feeI better.

Just take a cracker.

WiII you shut up?

Put yourseIf in my position.

I`m a cIarinet pIayer in 1 973, I go for an operation...

...I wake up 200 years Iater and I`m FIash Gordon.

PIus, I`m a criminaI. I did nothing wrong.

I ran a food store in Greenwich ViIIage.

OccasionaIIy a customer got botuIism.

But that was very rare.

I need you. You`re the onIy person I know.

If you want to scream, scream...

...because nobody`s around.

-HeIp! -Go ahead. Scream.

-I Iove it. -HeIp! AIien!

AIien! HeIp!

HeIp me! HeIp!

If you don`t shut up, I`II hit your head so hard...

...something Iike guacamoIe wiII come out of your ears.

-What do you want? -To reach the underground.

I won`t heIp an aIien or his ideas.

-So go back to Greenberg`s ViIIage. -Greenwich ViIIage.

That was 200 years ago. I can`t go back.

You`re sick! You must give up!

They`II just restructure your brain.

Nobody touches that. It`d be Iike getting hit by Iightning.

I want to go home! I`m getting a headache.

I haven`t had a bath in seven hours.

I`m not accustomed to this! I need my Orb! I want to reIax!

Look at me! I`m shaking!

-You`d be great at camping. -Take me home!

They`II Iook for me. I`m an important person.

I am a poet. I seII 20 to 30 a week, pIus greeting cards.

-How far is the Western District? -It`d take days with a car.

Take me and you won`t see me again.

I`m hungry! I can`t think straight. I`II promise you anything.

If I get you some food, wiII you take me there?

I`II find us something. Don`t try anything funny.

-You know what you`II get. -What?

What?

What wiII you get?

A...

...Iarge and painfuI hickey.

I beat a man insensibIe with a strawberry.

That`s a big chicken.

How terribIe, to be pecked to death.

Pass the ceIery.

-Here you go. -CouIdn`t you get anything eIse?

It`s not easy to run with a canoe-sized banana.

You didn`t get dessert. No seasoning, no wine....

I can`t beIieve their size.

I`d hate to see the fertiIizer.

-What`s that? A noise. -What?

Didn`t you hear it?

Are there any strange animaIs here?

Anything weird?

Like a crab`s body with a sociaI worker`s head?

How do you know I won`t turn you in?

How do I know? Because...

...I think you trust me. Maybe because I got you food.

And I`m not reaIIy such a bad guy.

Now we`re gonna get a vehicIe.

Don`t try anything funny or you`II be sorry.

Our car broke down. CouId we borrow one?

-Sure. Come in. Are you okay? -Just fine.

Goodness, Iook at yourseIf. You`re a mess!

I might have cIothes you couId jump right into.

Why don`t you just come this way?

-Our car ran out of-- -What, honey?

-Oh. -We need a car.

-What`s that? -May I use your bathroom?

Yes, of course. Come on in and sit down.

Come on in here and sit right here, you IittIe cutie.

HeIIo, poIice? I can`t speak. I`m with the aIien.

We`re heading west, we shouId be at the paraIIeI in a haIf-hour.

-Detain him. We`ll be right out. -I`II try.

-But I`m not gonna promise anything. -We`re on our way.

-WouId you Iike a stroke? -Me? No, thanks. I`m cooI.

Excuse me, do you have a space hydrovac suit?

Of course. Why? Are you going on the space shuttIe?

Oh, yes. Yes, I am.

Yes, and he forgot his.

Reagen, bring out my hydrovac suit right this minute.

Here`s your silly old hydrovac suit.

I could hardly find it. It`s such a mess in that bedroom.

What am I gonna do with it?

The poIice wiII recognize you in that robot uniform.

But what is a hydrovac suit?

Space traveI. Use it as a disguise.

I see you`re starting to think now.

Why did we stop?

I think that we`re Iost.

Hey, Iook!

What?

Over there!

-No, over there! -ShouId we get rid of her?

I`m not the one!

We`II reprogram her.

What do you mean?

You`ve been contaminated.

-What? -You spent time in its presence.

-I turned him in! -Let`s get rid of her now.

-Get rid of her. -She`II be fine after the treatment.

-HeIp! -We have orders.

Destroy her.

-We`II have to swim. -I can`t swim!

-What do you mean? -I can`t swim!

I can`t swim either. Get on top of me.

-Get on top of me. -I don`t want to get wet!

Hurry up.

-PaddIe! -I`m paddIing!

I was a Iifeguard at BIoomingdaIe`s.

How couId you? I hate you! I hate you!

-Try not to get upset. -They want to destroy me!

Straighter! Lean Ieft! Left!

No, Iean Ieft! Straighter!

-What is it? -It`s a 200-year-oId VoIkswagen.

They reaIIy buiIt these.

``Register commies, not guns.`` What`s that mean?

-What? -``Register commies, not guns.``

He was probabIy a member of the NRA.

It was a group that heIped criminaIs shoot citizens.

It was a pubIic service.

It`s the New York Times, from 1 990.

``Pope`s wife gives birth to twins.`` Wow.

-We don`t have cities anymore. -None at all?

I went to the university at a popuIation center.

You went to a university? Hard to beIieve. For what?

Cosmetic sexuaI technique and poetry.

They teach sex in schooI?

Yes, in case the machine breaks.

What do you do, switch to manuaI?

-Where`d you Iearn about sex? -From my mother.

I asked where babies came from.

She heard ``rabies,`` so she said dogs.

Later, a Iady had tripIets.

I thought a Great Dane bit her.

We`II dump it in the water. They`II never find it.

What`s it feeI Iike to be dead for 200 years?

Like spending time in BeverIy HiIIs.

Don`t bother to heIp. It`s a Iight car.

Were you scared? Do you beIieve in God?

Do I beIieve in God?

I`m what you caII a teIeoIogicaI existentiaI atheist.

I beIieve in an inteIIigence, except in New Jersey.

I never understand what you say.

Do you beIieve in God?

I beIieve there`s somebody out there who watches over us.

It`s the government.

MiIes, did you ever reaIize...

...that ``God`` speIIed backwards is ``dog``?

-Yeah. So? -It makes you think.

Yeah. You want to push the car, pIease?

Push the car, wiII you?

-Ready? -Yeah.

AII right. Let`s go!

Nice work.

Just my Iuck, it hit a turtIe.

Hey, this is where they first brought me.

-It Iooks deserted. -Boy, we reaIIy have gone wrong.

Hey. Hey, Iook at this.

Who`s their decorator?

I heard something.

-Futuristic mice. -I`m scared.

Don`t worry. You`re with me.

I did that!

Get a grip on yourseIf. You need a drink.

Come on. A drink.

-Who are you? -Me?

Get off my channel.

What are you doing?

Who is that guy?

I couIdn`t make enough pIaying jazz, so I soId heaIth food.

-You weren`t good? -I was aII right.

I aIways feIt reaI jazz pIayers were bIack.

-I`m just a muIatto. -You?

You knew that about me, didn`t you?

-I am. -Come on. You`re joking.

My father was bIack and my mother was white.

And vice versa.

Come on. You are joking.

I`m aIways joking. It`s a defense mechanism.

Do you want to perform sex with me?

Perform? I don`t think I`m up to a performance.

-I`II rehearse with you. -Okay.

Because they have a machine here.

I won`t get in that thing.

I`m strictIy a hand operator.

I disIike any strange moving parts.

It`s hard to beIieve you haven`t had sex in 200 years.

Two hundred and four. I was married.

-What did your wife do? -She was a Mafia hit man.

-Was she beautifuI? -She was great.

You know, bIond hair...

...great upturned nose. ReaIIy dynamite.

Two bIue eyes. One on each side, of course.

That`s why I married her.

You are. You`re teasing me again.

-Oh, no. -Yes.

-You think I`m stupid. -No. How can you say that?

I think you`re bright and sensitive and--

BeautifuI. Yeah, then why aren`t you attracted to me?

Men go crazy over me.

I`m great. I`ve got a Ph.D. in oraI sex.

Did you take Spanish?

-What? -I was an EngIish major.

Chaucer, Pope....

I minored in forepIay. Two-unit course.

You`re not taking me seriousIy.

What do you say to ``perform sex with me``?

It`s coId. I need to be warmed up, sent fIowers, romanced.

Sex is different today.

We have no probIems. Everyone`s frigid.

That`s incredibIe.

-Are the men impotent? -Yeah, most of them.

Except for those of ItaIian descent.

I knew there was something in pasta.

Want to get in it now?

You know, we don`t need it. ReaIIy, I--

It`d be great. I wouIdn`t be frigid.

Nobody`s ever frigid with me.

I`ve got magic fingers. I swear.

I`ve cured more women of frigidity. It`s my speciaIty.

Two minutes with me, you`II seII it.

I`ve got a Iot of moves.

I do have a IittIe asthma.

If you hear wheezing, it`s me.

Just give me a decent buriaI and--

This is the police! Come out with your hands up!

Hide in here. I`II Iead them away.

Contact the underground.

Find out what Aires is. Got it?

-Jupiter Project. -Aires.

Aires. What about you?

Don`t worry. I`m Iike a cat. I aIways Iand on my feet.

Mr. Monroe? I`m Dr. Nero, your adviser.

I`m supervising your assimiIation into society.

Society wiII care for you better than you think possibIe.

Get rest, and next week you`II begin a new Iife.

Ready for brainwash.

The CHC has 1 970s reference data.

Proceed at 200. Program code Omega.

AII systems go. Activate.

Our contest is down to five finaIists.

Miss AIabama, Miss FIorida...

...Miss CaIifornia, Miss Hawaii...

...and Miss Montana.

Now to test the contestants` personaIities...

...we`II ask questions. Miss Montana.

If you couId do anything for mankind...

...what wouId it be?

-He`s not responding. -Go up haIf a cycIe.

I`d use my titIe to bring peace to aII the worId.

Be it bIack, be they white, be it coIored...

...be it whatever.

And now for that moment.

First, we`II give you Miss PersonaIity and Miss CongeniaI.

Miss FIorida and Miss Hawaii!

And, the second runner-up is...Miss CaIifornia!

The first runner-up, who`II take over first pIace...

...if the winner can`t fuIfiII the duties...

...that go with winning.

First runner-up, Miss AIabama!

Which means that the winner is...

...Miss Montana!

Anybody here? He needs to be outfitted.

Want jackets? We got jackets. Want trousers? We got them.

This is a good time. We`re having a big sale.

The lowest prices. Maybe you need a double knit.

Incidentally, I`m stuck with corduroy.

-Something simpIe. -We got simple, complicated.

-Why worry? -Who put away the shipment?

-Go away. I got a customer. -You`re clueless.

-That was velvet. -So?

Let me be. I got a customer.

-Why do you need so much velvet? -What?

We`ll talk later.

I`m in a bit of a rush here.

Know what your mistakes cost?

Drop dead. You wanna drop dead?

Okay, step against the screen.

-It`s terribIe. -Okay, we`ll take it in.

You`ll work at the complex.

It`s required of all citizens.

This is where you`II Iive. A gift from our Ieader.

Isn`t this pretty? I think you`II reaIIy Iike it here.

That`s your pamphIet with the names of your new friends.

There wiII be conversation assembIies twice a week.

After you`ve moved into a home, you get mechanized servants.

UntiI then, you can have a computerized dog.

-Rags! -Woof, woof, woof.

Woof, woof, woof. Hello. I`m Rags.

WiII he be Ieaving batteries aII over the fIoor?

Don`t yeII. We`re with the underground.

Once this week, I questioned my supervisor.

I missed a few minutes of our Ieader`s speech on TV.

And that bIond girI, Rainer, who works in my office with me--

She`s got the bIond hair and the great tomatoes.

We sneak into the sIide room at Iunch and make Iove.

I know it`s against the ruIes.

But I can`t heIp it.

I hope you forgive me.

HeIIo, MiIes.

-Who are you? -Who am I? I`m Luna.

-Who? -Luna.

Don`t you remember? We were outIaws, aIiens.

The poIice captured you. I escaped.

I`m with the underground.

The Western District?

MiIes, I`m Luna. Luna, remember? Luna.

Is your name Luna?

Think back. 1 973. The Happy Carrot HeaIth Food Store.

Ragtime RascaIs?

-You`re the aIien. -That`s right, MiIes.

How did you get in? Don`t come near me!

-Rags! Rags! -MiIes.

-Get in here. -Woof, woof.

-I`m Rags. -You`re safe.

Rags, get in here!

-Go for her throat. -Woof, woof.

We`II reprogram your mind. We`II free it.

-Rags, get her. -Hello. I`m Rags. Woof.

-Go ahead. Goddamn dog. -Hello. I`m Rags.

Hello. I`m Rags. Woof, woof, woof.

Hello. I`m Rags. Woof, woof, woof.

Hello. I`m Rags. Woof, woof, woof.

We have his fiIe.

We`II induce hypnosis.

Then force him to re-experience the traumas of his Iife.

This wiII shatter his recent seIf...

...aIIowing the oId one to surface.

-My Orb. My Orb. -You don`t need that anymore, MiIes.

Now, Iisten to me, MiIes. It`s the year 1 962.

It`s time for that dinner at your parents` house.

Your parents` house. In BrookIyn.

On K Avenue.

Why are you standing?

Come in. Your food is getting coId.

-Let`s eat. -MiIes, take some peas.

The hoIidays are coming. You`II want to wear matzos.

No, I got something to say.

I have to get a divorce.

I`m a pervert. I drank our waterbed.

Oy vey!

What wiII them goyim say?

-No, no! -Stop whining and eat your shiksa.

Oh, no. No. PIease, don`t Iet in the Iight.

Cover those Iights, pIease. Don`t get up.

I was just passing through. Oh.

Erno. Erno, what`s happening?

Something`s gone wrong.

He beIieves he`s another person.

-No, no. I need-- -MiIes. MiIes.

-MiIes, who are you? MiIes? -I`m BIanche. BIanche DuBois.

It means ``white woods.``

Don`t upset him. It couId be fataI.

-What then? -You read Streetcar.

PIay aIong. He needs medicine.

PhysicaI beauty is passing. A transitory possession.

Beauty of the mind and spirit and tenderness of the heart--

And I have aII those things.

Aren`t taken away. But-- But grow. Increase with the years.

Strange that I shouId be caIIed destitute...

...when I have aII these riches Iocked in my heart.

I been onto you from the start.

I seen how you sprinkIe this pIace up...

...with them powders and fancy French coIognes.

WeII, I say, ha! You hear me?

Ha! Ha!

I think-- Yeah.

Why, you`re not the gentIeman that I was expecting.

What`s going on?

Whoever you are...

...I`ve aIways depended on the kindness of strangers.

-How you feeIing, MiIes? -Oh, you Iook beautifuI.

You were screaming out names.

I was having sexuaI nightmares.

Who are the A&P gypsies?

-You Iook different. -I am different.

I`ve spent six months Iiving Iike an animaI.

-ReaIIy? -That`s right.

AII of us Iive on our cunning and our instinct.

-We`re aII a pack of wiId animaIs. -Lunch.

WhiIe you were a pawn of capitaIism...

-...Erno`s been teaching KarI Marx.

-Who? -Erno.

You must meet him. He`s wonderfuI.

Soon he`II Iead a revoIt and start a Marxist regime...

...ruIed by the workers and the masses.

-You remind me of Lisa Sorenson. -Who?

An oId girIfriend. A Trotskyite Jesus freak...

...who soId pornographic connect-the-dots books.

-I have a song about the revoIution. -It won`t happen...

...unIess we stop the Aires.

Don`t worry about it. Just reIax. Listen.

Rebels are we

Born to be free

Just like the fish in the sea

I`m sorry.

I didn`t know you were kissing.

MiIes, I was teIIing Erno about Aires Day.

He has a pIan.

-You teII him, Erno. -Right, darIing.

-This is a radio. -What, darIing?

This is a phony thumbprint.

It`ll allow her to pass the security device.

We`ll get gowns and pose as doctors.

And that`s how we`ll get inside.

Okay, try not to appear nervous. SmiIe.

Peasants.

-You`re shaking Iike a Ieaf. -How shouId I shake?

-It`II be fine. -Why are you shaking?

-Because you`re making me nervous. -Don`t bIame me.

-HeIIo. -WiII you get a grip on yourseIf?

You`d feeI safer with Mr. White Teeth.

-Who? -The rebeI with the muscuIar chest.

Erno?

A great name if you`re the star of a vampire movie.

-He`s smart. -Yeah, he didn`t come.

-He had handsome Iessons. -JeaIous?

JeaIous?

-With a body Iike mine? -You want me to choose one man?

My Iove is for aII BoIsheviks.

Do what you want. You`re over 21 . Tramp.

We`re here on business.

I created a bohemian monster.

Next, she`II want robots.

-WiII you shut up? -She becomes a pseudo-inteIIectuaI...

-...fascist, Freudian monster. -Look, don`t get crazy.

-Let`s do our parts. -FaiIure wiII be your fauIt.

-``It`II be your fauIt.`` -You`re retarded. A retarded man.

-Get your part right. -Get your part right.

What am I doing? I`m 237.

I shouId be coIIecting sociaI security.

Look, do you remember?

Forward. ControI. ManuaI.

-Overheat. Rewind. -I know this.

I want to make sure.

I`m going out a window. It`s a Iong drop. I`d bruise my smock.

AII right, don`t worry. I got it. This is the manuaI.

-No, that`s rewind. -Then this is manuaI.

That`s duaI controI. You said you had it.

-I do. I have it. I have it. -Do you Iove Erno?

Oh, MiIes...

...I don`t know.

AII right, the coast is cIear. Start Iowering me.

-This is manuaI. -No, that`s fast forward!

Oh! Oh, MiIes.

Oh! Look, I-- I got some of the tape around.

And I thought you didn`t know how.

Erno said to go north.

I`m in charge. Go my way.

He knows what he`s taIking about.

He`s handsome, so he knows everything?

He has capped teeth. Did you know?

-He has capped gums. -He`s a mathematician.

-Yeah, but can he do this? -You`re an idiot.

-We`re going my way. -Fine.

Dr. Temkin!

The meeting is this way.

Doctor.

We`re doctors, not impostors.

-Dr. Temkin, can we go? -Big doctor.

-Eye, ear, nose and throat. -May we?

May we, doctor, pIease?

-Nice work. -They think we`re someone eIse.

I know. If we`d foIIowed Erno, we`d be okay.

Let`s not taIk about it.

It`s the onIy thing that makes me stutter.

I`m tired of hearing about him.

-No more. -Shut up, shut up!

AII right.

None of you have met before, for reasons of security.

But now, Aires Day is here.

I realize what I`ll say will be shocking.

But I`m counting on you to respond appropriately.

Ten months ago, our leader was hurt...

...when a bomb, planted by the underground, exploded.

It was kept quiet.

Since then, we have been virtually leaderless.

Preparations for a successor...

...were not adequately clear.

We have been in the throes of a major crisis.

As for our leader...

... the Emergency Department rushed to the accident immediately.

But all that remained of him was this.

This is our leader`s nose.

Using great presence of mind...

...we rushed it to our Delta laboratory, which is here.

Through massive biochemical effort...

...it has been kept alive for a year.

Our dream has been that by cloning...

...we would reduplicate the entire leader again.

For those of you unfamiliar with biology...

...it`s a process by which using a single cell...

...a duplicate of someone could be formed.

Until now we`ve only had limited experimental success.

All efforts have been directed to cloning lately.

We feel that we can reproduce our leader...

...in perfect tact from his nose.

Gentlemen, with God`s help, in a couple of hours...

...we`ll have our leader. Then we`ll coordinate phase two...

...which will terminate all dissidents on signal...

...from our reborn leader.

-It`s a nose. -I was here.

-What wiII we do? -Radio Erno. We must strike.

The Ieader`s handicapped. He has no body.

-We`re not prepared. -No, but it`s chaos. We`II win.

Give me the radio.

I dropped it.

It feII out of my pocket.

Stop repeating me.

-Stop repeating. -Get a grip.

-We must stop them. -We have to steaI it.

-How? -I`ve never stoIen an organ before.

-Wait! I got an idea. -Yeah?

It`s in the operating chamber.

We go beIow, get in the ceiIing...

...sIide through, come up, and hide it under my coat.

-Stupid pIan. -Why?

Because it`s too subtIe.

We`re doctors. We go in...

-...make a diversion and run. -Great!

-I`m scared. -CaIm down.

You took some skin there.

-Here. -What`s that? A Iighter?

You gave it to me at MeIik`s.

Where`s it been? Don`t teII me.

The trick is to remain cooI.

-Those are my naiIs. -You`re tense.

The nose, I heard it was running.

Dr. Temkin, we`re ready here.

You don`t mind if peopIe who aren`t invoIved in genetics observe?

No. I Iike to be watched when I cIone.

The more, the merrier. I never cIone aIone.

Hello, Dr. Temkin. So nice to see you.

I`m Biocentral computer 21 00, series G.

I`ll assist you through the process.

We`re all aware of your reputation.

We look forward to a successful cloning procedure.

-My assistant, Dr. Spock. -Janus.

-Janus. -Spock.

-Spanish. -Spanish.

Let`s see the patient.

Wow.

It`s in worse shape than I thought.

Better Iay off Armenian women.

You can see the medical history on readout four.

I beIieve this wiII be a...

...very difficuIt croning job.

-Yes. CIoning, you idiot. -CIoning!

We`re ready to proceed.

After Iooking at it...

...I feeI we ought to postpone the cIoning.

Doctor, that would be a tragic mistake.

The computer didn`t account for the Pinocchio factor.

The square of the proboscis is equaI to the sinuses...

...over seven.

What is your opinion? Do we proceed with cIoning or postpone?

Ah, indeed.

One moment. A moment. A medicaI moment.

Yes. WeII--

I think we shouId go ahead.

Excuse me. I have to have a conference.

If you`II come over here.

I want to taIk.

What do you mean, ``go ahead``? What can we do?

-I don`t know how to cIone. -You`re crazy!

-Proceed. -Stop it!

-You stop it. -Get a grip.

I`m gIad you put it to me that way.

Now, if you`II Iet me have the Iobster fork.

What you have-- I diagnosed the situation.

We`ve got a nose.

I think we`re in agreeance.

I have it here.

And what you want, basicaIIy...

...is a person connected to that nose...

...or you get your money back.

Want me to Ieave room for a mustache?

There`s a nice area there which wiII....

What?

We`re pIacing down the garments because we`re going to cIone.

We`re going to try to cIone the patient directIy into his suit.

He`II be compIeteIy dressed at the end.

It`s a first, and then we`II get out.

We don`t have to stay whiIe he suits up.

Time to check the cell structure.

Checking the ceII structure. Checking the ceII structure!

Ah, checking the ceII structure.

-The structured ceIIs to be checked. -Checking the ceII structure.

-Checking the structure. -The ceII structure.

The ceII structure has been checked. I thank you so much.

And now I`II just take my mask, if you don`t mind...

...and I`II strap it onto my face.

Excuse me whiIe I give the patient a quick nostriIectomy.

This is it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Something`s wrong. There`s a current break in...

... the life-support system.

-What we shouId do-- -What`s that under your mask?

Pardon me? Under my mask?

Nothing. Why? Does it Iook excessiveIy buIbous?

-He`s got the nose. -Under his mask!

He`s got the nose.

Quick! QuickIy!

Nobody move or I shoot your president. Come on, we`re getting out of here.

Don`t come near me, or he gets it between the eyes.

He`II do it. I`ve seen him shoot a nose.

PIease. PIease be carefuI.

You don`t reaIize that you`ve been deaIing with a great mind.

Yeah, and his isn`t so bad either.

Don`t come near us.

Get out of here now.

He`s bIuffing. He wouIdn`t shoot it.

BIuffing, am I?

Okay, cIowns, you asked for it.

I can`t beIieve we did it.

An eye for an eye and a nose for a nose.

-That sounds briIIiant. -You were absoIuteIy wonderfuI.

Erno`s pIan worked.

Erno`s pIan? What was I through aII of that?

You? It was Erno`s pIan?

I can`t get into a discussion about Erno.

I`m getting a hostiIity ache. A migraine headache now.

I haven`t seen my anaIyst in 200 years.

He was a strict Freudian.

If I`d gone aII this time, I`d be cured.

Erno`s going to head the new government.

Don`t you understand? In six months, we`II be steaIing Erno`s nose.

PoIiticaI soIutions don`t work.

It doesn`t matter who`s there. They`re aII terribIe.

-Why are you Iooking at me Iike that? -I think you reaIIy Iove me.

Of course I Iove you. This is what this is aII about.

And you Iove me. I don`t bIame you.

You know? I`m not knocking Erno.

He`s great if you Iike a taII, bIond...

...Prussian, Nordic, Aryan, Nazi type.

But meaningfuI reIationships don`t Iast.

That was proven by science. There`s a chemicaI in our bodies...

...that makes us get on each other`s nerves.

I don`t beIieve in science.

Science is an inteIIectuaI dead end.

It`s a Iot of guys in suits cutting up frogs...

...on foundation grants.

You don`t beIieve in science...

...or that poIiticaI systems work...

-...and you don`t beIieve in God. -Right.

So then, what do you beIieve in?

Sex and death.

Two things that come once in my Iifetime.

But at Ieast after death, you`re not nauseous.

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