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Ready?! One, two, three, four!
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00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,880
Yeah! Yeah! We like to rock!
3
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,880
Yeah! I like to rock!
4
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,280
Hello, Baltimore!
5
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,520
- Cartman, what the hell are you
doing?! - I'm playing the drum!
6
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,000
Well, you have to hit it softer!
7
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,080
Ay, you can't just hit a drum!
You have to beat the shit out of it!
8
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,000
Shut your pot hole! I'll take
you out, you fuckin' drum!
9
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,562
That's how you rock, dude!
10
00:00:57,563 --> 00:01:00,163
You're not supposed to rock! You're
just supposed to keep the beat!
11
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,000
I am keeping the beat!
Your flute-playing sucks!
12
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,640
- That's it, Cartman! You can't
be the drummer! - Hey, I'll get it!
13
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,034
Dude, the Civil War
Re-enactment is tomorrow!
14
00:01:06,035 --> 00:01:08,174
You're not gonna get it
by tomorrow! - Yes I will!
15
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,040
Alright, alright! Let's just try
again! One, two, three, four!
16
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,412
Does Cleveland like to rock?!
Yaaaaaaaaaah! Goddammit!
17
00:01:20,968 --> 00:01:23,000
- What?! - Gimmie the drum
and you play the flute!
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00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,600
No way! Flutes are totally gay!
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00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:25,598
Are they gay?!
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00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:27,137
Cartman, I'm the leader
of the Re-enactment fife
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00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:28,838
and drum squad and I
say you play the flute!
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00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,560
Oh! Well, you know what I say?!
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00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,000
Screw y'guys! I'm goin' home!
24
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,800
- You dick!
- Later!
25
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,544
Alrighty, everyone! We just have
a few things to go over before
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00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:44,976
we head out to the
Re-enactment Battlefield!
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00:01:45,011 --> 00:01:48,268
First of all, I have great news!
There're over 200 folks from around
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00:01:48,269 --> 00:01:50,469
the states that have come to
see this year's Re-enactment,
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00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,320
and that's the
best turn-out ever!
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00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,095
Where the hell is Cartman!
If he misses the Orientation,
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00:01:56,096 --> 00:01:57,296
they're not gonna
let'im in the Re-enactment!
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00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,730
- He'll show!
- He'd better!
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00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:01,239
I'm also very proud to
announce that this year's
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00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,640
alcohol sponsor is Yaggerman's
S' more flavoured Schnapps!
35
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,520
The schnapps with the
delightfull taste of s'mores!
36
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,240
- Hey, it does taste like s'mores!
- Heh, yeah, and it's got quite a kick too!
37
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,760
And now to clartify how the
Re-enactment should unfold,
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let's bring up our master historian!
Grandpa Marvin Marsh!
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00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,160
The only man old enough to have actually
seen the Civil War Re-enactment of 1924!
40
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,160
Wow, dude! Your Grandpa still isn't
dead?! - Dude, that's not cool!
41
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,440
Good morning, gentlemen!
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00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,560
- Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
- Yeah! You're dressed up like the south!
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00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,520
Yes! This year, I've decided to fight for
the glorious south! Screw y'guys! Home!
44
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,160
And may I say that we're going
to whoop your ass this time!
45
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,962
You can't just come to a
Civil War Re-enactment
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00:02:40,963 --> 00:02:42,263
dressed up like
General Lee, fatass!
47
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,000
Oh, really?! I'm
pretty sure I just did!
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00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,101
Okay! You all know the rules!
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00:02:46,136 --> 00:02:48,165
You must fire your
Blakes into the air,
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00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,080
and if someone says they killed you,
you gotta play dead!
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00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,563
The south loses this battle,
Cartman! They lose the war!
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00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:57,203
- The south is gonna win! - No
they're not, stupid! - Yes we are!
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00:02:57,238 --> 00:02:58,240
How much you wanna bet?!
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00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,301
Now remember, everybody!
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00:02:59,336 --> 00:03:02,134
For a good re-enactment,
we've got to pretend down
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00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,535
to the last detail that
we're really in the Civil War!
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00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,000
So in the north winds,
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00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,160
all of us on the Confederate side should
act all bummed and depressed...
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00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,040
C'mon, Cartman! How much you
wanna bet the south doesn't win?!
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00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,400
Well, this war's about slavery,
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00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,200
so how 'bout if the south wins, you two
assholes have to be my slaves for a month!
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00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,200
And if the north wins, you're
our slave for a month?!
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00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,400
- Right!
- You're on!
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00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,680
Then I shall bid you good morning,
gentlemen, and see you on the battlefield!
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00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,480
What a dumbass! - Yeah! He doesn't even
know that the south loses the Civil War!
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00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,480
It's gonna be rad having
Cartman be our slave!
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00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:33,360
And with that, let's all head to
Temrock Hill and put on a good show!
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00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,880
Welcome to the South Park Re-enactment
of the Battle of Temrock Hill!
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00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,240
The men in grey are the
Confederacy from the south!
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00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,520
In the blue,
the Union from the north!
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00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,640
It was a cold morning in 1862!
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00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:54,240
The Union army had to get the bell on
Aplomaticstown from Temrock Hill!
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00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:59,280
What ensued was a bloody battle, but
after many hours, the Union army prevailed!
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00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,840
Here now is the re-enactment
of that great battle!
75
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,240
Forward!
76
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,000
Let's bring those
Confederate bastards down!
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00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,440
Fire!
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00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,200
Alright, men! Fire!
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00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,920
Hey, uh, I shot you, Ned!
You have to fall down!
80
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,880
Wow! So this is what it was like!
81
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,440
Hey, what's that guy doing?!
82
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,840
Whoopie! Long live the Confederacah!
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00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,320
What the hell!
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00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,880
- Hey! He took the bell!
- He can't do that!
85
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,000
The Confederacy doesn't take the bell!
86
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,200
Hooray for the south!
87
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,480
Cartman, you can't do that!
88
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,000
Goddammit! Now
we have to start over!
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00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,266
Alrighty, everyone! We're going to
do the entire re-enactment again
90
00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:07,667
because of some
confusion over the bell!
91
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,567
Now, I know you're
just trying to help, Eric,
92
00:05:09,568 --> 00:05:11,768
but we have to let the Union
army capture the bell this time!
93
00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:16,200
But why?! Why should they get the bell?!
- W'well, 'cause we're supposed to lose!
94
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:17,640
But we don't have to lose!
95
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,360
- What?! - Gentlemen,
we can win this battle!
96
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,746
Sure, we could lose, and tonight we
can go back to our families and say:
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00:05:23,747 --> 00:05:26,920
"We did it! We lost like we were
supposed to! Aren't we proud!"
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00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,960
Or... or we take that hill!
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00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,905
We take that hill, and when we stand tall
upon it, we hold our heads high and we yell:
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00:05:33,906 --> 00:05:38,040
"Not this year! This year
belongs to the Confederacah!"
101
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,200
- By God, he's right!
- Jimbo!
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00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,440
Yeah! I've been re-enacting
this war for 22 years now,
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00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,920
and for 22 years, this Confederate
re-enactors have had to spend
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00:05:50,921 --> 00:05:54,121
the evening being ridiculed and made
fun of by the Union re-enactors!
105
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,240
Well, I'm sick of it!
106
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,960
Yeah, why do we have to
be their bitches every year?!
107
00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,880
I'm tired of losing this battle!
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00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,000
And I say it's high time we
kick some ass! Who's with me?!
109
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,760
Alright, folks! Sorry for the false
start! We're ready to go again!
110
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:15,440
It was a cold morning in 1862!
The Union army had to...
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00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,400
What a...?
112
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,720
Uh, what are they doing?!
113
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,640
You yankee sons of bitches!
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00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,040
That hurt!
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00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,280
Goddammit! What the
hell are they doing?!
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00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,080
- Wha'do we do?!
- Run for your life, dude!
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00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,520
God bless those men who
fight for their freedom!
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00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,400
God bless those men! And God
bless the Confederacah!
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00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,880
Surrender your men, General!
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00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,480
Jimbo, have you lost your mind?!
121
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,440
Surrender your men, General!
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00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,160
Alright, alright! We surrender!
123
00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,880
The south winned?!
124
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,720
The south wins!
125
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,080
Goddammit!
126
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,160
Well, we can all be friends now!
127
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,920
C'mon, Randy! Have
some S'mores Schnapps!
128
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,320
Well, I can't be happy! You
ruined the re-enactment!
129
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,360
Aw, come on! Have a little sip!
130
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,480
- So, y'guys about ready to start being
my slaves?! - You cheated, Cartman!
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00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,644
Yeah, and it doesn't matter, because
the bet was that the south doesn't
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00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,145
win the war, and the south
still didn't win the war, dipshit!
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00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,800
Yeah, too bad you're such a dumbass
at history, you would've known that!
134
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,680
I hate y'guys so much!
So very very much!
135
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,120
And this is not over!
Not by a longshot!
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00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:40,341
All I'm saying is that...
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00:07:40,342 --> 00:07:43,742
i'is that the Confederates would've
just gotten their asses kicked in Topeka!
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00:07:43,824 --> 00:07:47,185
That ain't true! The Confederates
would've whooped ass in Topeka too!
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00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,040
You're dreaming!
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00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,360
Perhaps we should take Topeka!
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00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,400
The mock us in Kansas, soldier!
They think the south is a joke!
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00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,640
- They don't respect our
authoritah! - They don't?!
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00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,760
No! I say we take Topeka!
144
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:05,040
You know what?! I'll bet we could take
Topeka right now and prove 'em all wrong!
145
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,560
That's right!
146
00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:10,461
Maybe we should do what the Confederates
would've done and march on to Topeka!
147
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,640
- I'll bet we could!
- I'll bet we could too!
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00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,840
I'll bet you can't!
149
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,000
What?! Is that a challenge?!
I'll bet we can!
150
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,600
I'll bet you can't! Because
you guys are all pussies!
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00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,640
Pussies?! Oh, yeah?!
152
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:26,360
Men! It's time to show the world what
this Confederate army has got!
153
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,840
We're gonna take
Topeka once and for all!
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00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,400
All you men! You may
have lost in the Union today,
155
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,560
but join us now and
win back your pride!
156
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,880
May the Union be damned!
157
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,440
Let's go!
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00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,000
Oh, what was our
bet again?! Let's see!
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00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,640
Yes! I remember!
If the south wins,
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00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,640
you have to to be
my slaves for a month!
161
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,640
They're just drunk, Cartman! As
soon as they sober up, they'll stop!
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00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,640
Yes! E'e'enjoy your freedom, gentlemen!
Soon, you will be my propertah!
163
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,960
Come, Kenny! Come fight for us and I'll make
sure you get lots of plunder and womens!
164
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,520
- Good morining, Mrs. Hollis!
- Hello, Ralph!
165
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,760
Did you happen to catch
that ball game last night?!
166
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,720
I'm afraid I was grading
papers pretty late and...
167
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,760
What's that noise, officer?!
168
00:09:35,322 --> 00:09:36,879
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
169
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,720
Freeze, buddy! These are blanks,
but they still hurt like hell!
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00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,840
It's ours! It's ours!
We've taken Topeka!
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00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:04,600
Alright, yank! Tell us where you keep your
Yaggerman S'more Flavoured Schnapps!
172
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,600
Er, er, er, schnapps?! Uh, uh, I
guess it would be at the liquor store!
173
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,160
WHERE?! - AT THE LIQUOR STORE!
AT THE LIQUOR STORE!
174
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,760
C'mon, boys!
175
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,360
This is the most bizzare
thing I've ever seen!
176
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,320
Excuse mah!
177
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,200
Dude, my mom is so pissed
at my dad for going to Kansas!
178
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,177
I know, but why do they
have to take it out on us?!
179
00:10:26,178 --> 00:10:27,678
Why do WE have to wait
around for them to come back?!
180
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,080
There comes a bus!
181
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,360
Butters?! Are you the
only one that came back?!
182
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,640
Uh, C'confederate messenger
Butters reporting, sir!
183
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,880
I've a message for you
from the battle field!
184
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:38,760
What battle field?!
185
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,200
At Topeka, we're raisin'
all kinds of hell, see! Heh!
186
00:10:41,278 --> 00:10:44,110
It's probably the most fun I've
had in several months! Well, well!
187
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,811
Are you gonna read
your message or not?!
188
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,480
Dear guys! Words cannot
express how much I hate y'guys!
189
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,775
As we fight our way northward
into the great sundown,
190
00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:55,276
only that one thing
remains certain!
191
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,960
That I hate y'guys with every tired
muscle in my Confederate body!
192
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,480
We're taking Topeka and now I must
rally the men onward to Mossourah,
193
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:06,760
because I will not stop until we have
won it all and y'guys are my slaves,
194
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,720
because I hate y'guys!
195
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,960
I hate y'guys so very very much!
196
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,560
Yours, General Cartman Lee!
197
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,920
Goddammit! That fat piece of shit!
198
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,400
Dude, what if Cartman really does succeed
and we really do have to be his slaves?!
199
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,040
- That would suck so much ass!
- We have to stop him, dude!
200
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,080
I'll go get my Grandpa! He'll help us!
Where's the Confederate army now, Butters?!
201
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,000
Uh, I ain't s'posed to tell you that!
202
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,280
If I told you that, we-ell, I'd be a-a
no-good yankee son of a bitch!
203
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,200
- We'll give you ten bucks!
- Oh! O-okay!
204
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,960
...and was forced to live off her
own feces for several days!
205
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,894
In national news, a frightening
radical group from Colarado
206
00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,495
is making its way across the
southern states of America!
207
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,465
The group is recruiting new
members in each town
208
00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:44,966
they pass through and
rapidly growing in number!
209
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,680
So authorities have decided
to call in the National Guard!
210
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,161
The group seems to be lead
my millitary master mind
211
00:11:50,162 --> 00:11:52,062
and right-winged
radical, Jimbo Kearn,
212
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,280
who is known for his guerrilla
fighting and leadership skills!
213
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,080
Gonna need s'more s'mores
schnapps! I'm gonna be sick!
214
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,424
Oh, boy! This is worse
than I thought! - Well, C'mon, Billy!
215
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:12,720
We gotta make these little peckers stop
before they get themselves killed!
216
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,400
I tell ya! You can either
fight them or join them!
217
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,000
Well, I'm joinin' them!
Those blanks hurt!
218
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,120
Dad! Dad! Mom wants
you to come home!
219
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,080
Not now, Stan! I'm pillaging!
220
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,480
Get over here!
221
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,200
You got to stop, Dad! If the south wins,
me and Stan have to be Cartman's slaves!
222
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,240
This is a re-enactment, Kyle!
223
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:36,120
My name is Private John Farcastle and I
have to do what my General tells me!
224
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,240
Hey, there's s'more
schnapps! Over here!
225
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,640
More schnapps!
226
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,720
I'm Seargent Larson of the National
Guard! We're here to stop the terrorists!
227
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,400
They're not terrorists! They're just a
bunch of drunk wankers from Colorado!
228
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,840
Well, we can't just shoot 'em! There's
innocents and children about! Dawkins!
229
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,600
Dawkins! - Sir!
- Fire a warning flare! - Yes sir!
230
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,480
Medic!
231
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,120
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
232
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,760
We can't fire at them, sir!
There're too many children!
233
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,280
Then how do we stop them?!
234
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,000
I know how! But, we'll
have to wait until dark!
235
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,040
Dear Miss McKormic!
236
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,360
It is with a very heavy heart
that I must inform you
237
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,655
that your son Kenny was killed in
battle on the morning of November 18
238
00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:32,156
at Groobie Hill's
Funland in Chattanooga!
239
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,256
This war has taken
something from all of us
240
00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:37,357
and although your son appears
to be the only casualty of war,
241
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,200
know that we all share your pain!
242
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,880
Your son did not die in vain!
243
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,812
I shall persevere and make Stan and Kyle
my slaves, because I hate those guys!
244
00:13:44,847 --> 00:13:47,160
I hate them so very very much!
245
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,200
Yours, General Cartman Lee!
246
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:54,915
There! You see?!
247
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:57,143
We take the s'more schnapps,
and by morning,
248
00:13:57,144 --> 00:13:59,344
they're all gonna wanna go
home! - Nice thinkin', Billy!
249
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,520
Lets go!
250
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,760
- Where to next, General!
- Where do the Confederates go, son?!
251
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,040
Well, I, uh, guess the Fort
Supture in South Carolina!
252
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,280
That's where the Civil
War really escellated!
253
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,240
Ha! Splendid! Then to
Fort Supture we shall go!
254
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,640
Well, that sounds great! I'm gonna
get some s'more schnapps! Wa'nything?!
255
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,520
Yeah! Could I get some
of those animal cookies?!
256
00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:21,321
Those Frause ones with
the sprinkles on 'em?!
257
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,680
Um, sure!
258
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,560
What the...! Hey! Where's
the s'mores schnapps?!
259
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,800
- We're out of s'mores schnapps?!
- That can't be!
260
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,600
I guess we drank it all!
261
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,040
- Now, what?
- Now, we just wait until morning!
262
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,080
Checkmate, Cartman! Pretty soon,
you're gonna be our slave!
263
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,200
Oh, my head...
264
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,400
Where am I?
265
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,975
Ned, I think I can say without
any doubt that that was the
266
00:14:55,976 --> 00:14:58,976
longest drinking binge
we've ever had!
267
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,960
Mmmmm, oh, my head!
268
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,040
- Oh, no! I'm s'posed to be
at work today! - Me too!
269
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,160
Well, c'mon everybody! We've gotta
get to the nearest bus station quick!
270
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,280
- Where're you going?!
- We're going home, kid! C'mon!
271
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,000
We can't go home! We
have to take Fort Supture!
272
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,240
Uh, the only thing we gotta do is get
home before our wives leave us!
273
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,720
No! What about the Confederacah?!
What about freedom!
274
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,720
- Ha, ha! You loose, fatass!
- God, I hate y'guys!
275
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,160
Yeah, but you know, I think
you've learned something today!
276
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,073
You've learned that you
can't rewrite history!
277
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:31,174
You see, history is forever, and
everything happens for a reason!
278
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,280
- Sure, you can try to change the past, but
usually, you know... - Where're you going?
279
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,960
This isn't over! Oh, no!
Oh, no! Not by a longshot!
280
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,080
Oh! I don't believe we
came all the way out here!
281
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,040
Yeah! Well, I don't think the
bus station is too far from here!
282
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,440
Uh, how much do you think a bus
ticket back to Colarado's gonna run?!
283
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,508
Hello! I am Suzzette,
the s'more schnapps girl!
284
00:15:58,062 --> 00:16:01,240
We are pleased to sponsor you with
all the s'more schnapps you need!
285
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,160
- Uh, I can't drink anymore
of that stuff! - Me neither!
286
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,729
Uh, uh, come-come on, guys!
Just one little drink!
287
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:09,430
A toast to how far you
came and all that you saw!
288
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,840
Yes, please! Two shots
out of my breasts!
289
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,760
Well, I guess one
little cheers is in order!
290
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,920
Hey, look! Ned's
doing his trick again!
291
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,000
- Hey, guys! Let's all play a game
of Grabass! - What's Grabass?!
292
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,600
You just run around in cirlces and
try to grab each others asses!
293
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,360
Hey! That sounds fine!
294
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:34,760
Gentlemen!
295
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,600
I hate to break up the parteh, but
I believe we have a fort to take!
296
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,360
You heard the General!
297
00:16:42,179 --> 00:16:44,473
- Oh, no!
- We'll never stop him now!
298
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,139
Throughout 1861,
the Confederate authorities tried
299
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:10,080
to drive out the Union
occupents of Supture peacefully,
300
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,165
but Abraham Lincoln's administration would
not surrender the fort to the Confederates!
301
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,640
So Jefferson Davis
decided to take action!
302
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,280
- And the Confederates won the fort?!
- Yes!
303
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,315
Imagine what it must've been like! You're
a Union soldier stationed at this fort,
304
00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:27,760
and one day, you look out and see thousands
of confederates ready to pounce on ya!
305
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,640
- TAKE THE FORT!
- CHARGE!
306
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,280
We've got it!
The fort the fort is ours!
307
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,120
What was that?!
308
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,880
Attention, political activists!
309
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,512
You're on government
historical document property!
310
00:17:45,547 --> 00:17:47,760
Surrender the
logement with your hands up!
311
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,393
If you would like
a tour of the fort,
312
00:17:49,394 --> 00:17:52,494
one can fill your needs through the
South Carolina Chamber of Commerce!
313
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,160
Give up, fatass! There's over a
hundred National Guard guys here!
314
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,000
Suck my ass!
315
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,040
Wha'do we do, General?!
We're outnumbered!
316
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,050
We asked the state of
South Carolina for recruits!
317
00:18:01,051 --> 00:18:02,851
Some re-enforcements
are bound to show up!
318
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,160
Alright! That does it!
Blow the whole thing up!
319
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,080
No! You can't do that!
Our dads are in there!
320
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,000
Sorry, son! We've tried it
your way! Now, we do it our way!
321
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,440
- Prepare the morter!
- Hold it right there!
322
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,600
Wow! Look at that! The entire
state of South Carolina showed up!
323
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:20,920
I knew they would!
324
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,120
Aw, dammit!
325
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,320
We're ready to fight with ya!
Long live the Confederacy!
326
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,760
Now, our numbers are
truly great! It is time!
327
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,200
It is time to march
to Washington D.C.!
328
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,680
Hey, government! You can't ignore our
anguished cries anymore! Y'hear that?!
329
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,080
Eh'government?!
330
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,560
Oh boy! This doesn't look good!
331
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,040
It's just like the million-man march except
that there actually are a million people!
332
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,280
Mr. President! A message
for you from the extremists!
333
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,200
Dear Mr. President!
334
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,520
There are times when humans can no longer
endure their government's authoritah!
335
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,786
You must declare the
Confederacah its own nation
336
00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:04,587
so that we may enter into a
new millenium of prosperitah!
337
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,120
If you do not
meet our demands,
338
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,800
we will be forced to show the video tapes
we have with you with Marisa Tomei!
339
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,920
Oh, dear God!
340
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:14,360
We have to meet their demands! - What?
Sir! There's not that many of them!
341
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,600
As vice-president, I think we'd
better give them what they want!
342
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:19,920
It's just the southern states!
Who really needs them?!
343
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,840
My hands are tied! Tell General Lee
that I'll meet him in front of the Capitol!
344
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:24,880
Sir!
345
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,000
I'm so glad I
don't have your job!
346
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,640
Dude, let's just give up now and accept
that we have to be Cartman's slaves!
347
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,440
Dammit, Billy! This isn't about
you havin' to be slaves!
348
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,400
This is about history!
We can't let them change it!
349
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,560
But we've tried everything,
Grandpa! What else can we do?!
350
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,120
Wait a minute! They're all
still doing the re-enactment!
351
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040
What we have to
do is play into that!
352
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,200
C'mon, Billy! You boys
need a quick history lesson!
353
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,419
Alright! I'm gonna
sign the document
354
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:53,420
declaring the Confederacy
winners of the Civil War!
355
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,440
Boy! We really got the
President by the balls!
356
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,920
Good thing you got that video
tape of him and Marisa Tomei!
357
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,080
I don't! I made it up!
358
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,600
Hey! Who's that?!
359
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,640
Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln!
President of the United States!
360
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,560
Yes, and I'm Jefferson Davis!
President of the Confederacy!
361
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,680
Boy! This just keeps
gettin' weirder! Doesn't it!?
362
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:11,926
What the hell are
you guys doing?!
363
00:20:11,927 --> 00:20:14,327
Hey, General! He's
re-enacting Jefferson Davis!
364
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,280
You can't talk that way
to a superior officer!
365
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,936
Men, I want you all to know that,
as president of the confederacy,
366
00:20:19,937 --> 00:20:22,120
I am hereby surrendering!
- What?!
367
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,640
Well, as Abraham Lincoln, I accept your
surrender and agree to your conditions!
368
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,782
You and all the
confederates will have
369
00:20:26,783 --> 00:20:28,983
all the s'mores schnapps
you can drink for a year!
370
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,200
- A whole year?! - Alright! Well,
I think we got what we wanted!
371
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,200
That's it?! I... I don't
have to sign this thing?!
372
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,840
Hey, come on! We should take a tour of
the Smithsonian before we head back!
373
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,640
No! We still have to fight!
374
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,800
Lincoln and Davis signed a treaty,
General! The war is over!
375
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,040
It's finally over,
Cartman! You lost!
376
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,680
Yeah! And now, you can
take that stupid beard off!
377
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,578
Boys, as President
of the United States,
378
00:21:04,579 --> 00:21:08,080
I wanna commend you stopping the
rebel upriser! - Don't touch me!
379
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,200
Well, Cartman, the south lost! That
means you're our slave for a month!
380
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,600
ammit! Dammit,
I was so close! Dammit!
381
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,120
Now, the first thing
I want you to do for us is...
382
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,440
Wait a minute! I don't
have to be your slave! - What?!
383
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,320
The north still won the Civil War!
That means slavery is abolished!
384
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,880
H'he's right, boys!
Slavery is illegal and immoral!
385
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,600
Partially in thanks to the
north winning the Civil War!
386
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,200
Aw, to hell with it!
Let's just go home!
387
00:21:29,376 --> 00:21:30,974
- Thank's a lot, Bill Clinton!
- Yeah! Thanks, dick!
32052
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