Original subtitles

- They all said I'd kill it

when I moved from Nebraska to Hollywood.

They were right.

I ran. I ran away, screaming for help.

- Did help come? - No!

I was alone.

Alone with that awful thing that had been David.

I was just another small-town girl with big star dreams,

one of thousands of hopefuls

trying to make it as an actress.

That's why I wanted to forget.

I'd literally taken the bus to Hollywood.

Forever.

I know you'd think lunch meat, but you don't know me.

End scene.

- End scene, yes. Uh, end scene.

What's going on, Holly?

That wall is back up again.

- Really?

- Yes, really.

When I did my scene in "Heat" with Al Pacino-

- He had three lines with Al Pacino.

- The intensity was incredible.

And that's what you need to find here.

He gave me 150% with every line.

Every time.

Clay, um, how do you feel? In or out?

- In. Like totally there.

- Well, agreed. And I can see why they booked you on "CSI."

Let's give him some love.

Come on.

There you go, yeah. Huh?

That's it, right.

Uh, no. Okay.

You really locked in with that medical way of thinking.

- Right.

- Nice. Holly?

- I felt in. I really did.

- Well, I'll keep giving you the same note.

Find and show your vulnerability. All right?

I'm gonna ask that you and Clay keep working.

If you're gonna use this for the showcase,

it's gotta be better.

I strongly suggest you book a private lesson.

- Private lesson.

If I'd taken one and fucked him like everyone else,

he'd tell me the scene was perfect.

- Hey, we gotta nail that scene for the showcase down.

There's two casting directors coming.

- Yeah, totally, but I,

uh, we don't wanna just recreate the movie,

we gotta make it our own thing.

- There was a movie. Is it good?

- Yeah.

Gore Vidal, Montgomery Clift, Katharine Hepburn?

- Yeah? - Elizabeth Taylor?

You tell me.

- Hey, we should go back to my place and Netflix it.

We can rehearse and smoke some pot.

- Clay actually thinks this is original.

Can't, I got work at 5:00.

- No, it's good pot.

- I know what that's code for.

- Ah, yeah.

- But let's find a time to rehearse tomorrow, okay?

- Yeah.

- I'd been in Los Angeles a year

and still hadn't booked anything more than a small part

in a movie that never got released.

I was living paycheck to paycheck on the good weeks,

barely making my rent and student loan payments.

Sometimes I'd drive up into the Hills

to look at the mansions built way back

during the silent screen era,

before Beverly Hills was just a gleam in a developer's eye.

I'd imagine what it would be like to have money like that,

and then I'd remind myself,

it's just a matter of time.

Here in LA, everyone raved about yoga,

but I preferred to relax the American way.

They say if a gun shows up in the first act,

you'll see it in the third.

One thing's for sure,

an hour of target practice was what I needed

to get through a night of slinging pasta.

I was working the 5:00 to 11:00 shift at Orzo,

a restaurant that catered to Eastside hipster types.

Men with leather jackets that cost more than my rent.

Women with perfect complexions and $300 haircuts.

You'd think they could leave me a decent tip,

but they looked at me like I was a piece of furniture.

- We'll take the bolognese.

- Thank you.

It was a night like any other, until I saw him.

Hi, I'm Holly. Can I get you something to drink?

- What do you recommend?

- We have a great Barolo by the glass.

- I'll have the classico. Any specials tonight?

- Yes, we have an ossobuco alla Milanese,

a butternut squash ravioli

with a butter sage sauce,

and an ahi tuna carpaccio with arugula.

- So Holly, would you say the, uh,

the ahi or the ossobuco?

- Why do I have the feeling that if I say the ahi,

you'd order the osso?

- Do I really seem that contrary?

Tell me, um, what's your favorite movie?

- Um, "Out of the Past," but the 1947 version, of course.

- That's impressive.

They say that the day you die,

your name is written on a cloud.

- Exactly.

It was the bottom of the barrel and I scraped it.

- No way. - Waitress?

- Um, so the ahi is very popular,

but I personally prefer the osso.

- Okay, great. Then I will have the tuna.

- Great choice. - Thank you.

- May I? - Oh, please.

- I'll be right back with your classico.

It got busy then. People and wine and opinions.

Big steaming bowls of pasta.

I decided to have a little fun and fuck with him

by switching out his entree.

- Perfect.

- Maybe that was my first mistake.

Enjoy. - Ah!

- Hey, can I get another carafe of.

He watched me like a hawk watches a mouse.

You holding up?

- Yes. It's better for me when it's busy.

- Fuck table eight.

They drop 300 on dinner and leave me 10 bucks.

- Assholes.

- I need two mojitos.

- Who the fuck drinks mojitos anymore?

Oh, do you guys know anybody

who's looking for an apartment?

My roommate just booked a series and moved out

and I really need somebody by the end of the month.

- I mean, I can ask around.

- Thank you.

- Hey, he's been watching you all night. Creeper?

- Hmm, harmless.

- He's rocking that male pattern baldness though.

- Anything else?

- Uh, an espresso, please.

I'm Richard, by the way.

- How was the osso?

- It was a little fishy.

Uh, excuse me, but you've, um,

you've got a spot exactly there.

- Can I get you something for dessert?

- No, just the espresso. And the check.

- Fuck it. I left the spot right there on my chest.

I didn't care what he thought.

He was trying to throw me,

but I wasn't that type of girl.

Not even then.

Anything else?

- I am, uh, heading over to the Hillhurst.

Why don't you join me for a drink

when you're done here, huh?

- I can't. I have to wash my shirt.

There was something about him.

I can't say what it was,

but when he left the place went flat, like old soda pop.

For some reason, I couldn't get the guy

at table eight out of my mind.

He was old, but he wasn't a needy, struggling actor,

and I was in a weird mood.

He intrigued me.

What the hell?

I could use a free drink

and it wasn't like I was gonna fuck him.

- Did you get the spot out?

- Out, out, damn spot.

- How you liking in LA?

- It was intended to startle me,

like using my name.

But it was such an easy bet,

everyone here was from somewhere else.

Can I have a whiskey neat?

LA?

- Mm-hmm.

- I like it.

I like every fucking thing about it.

Where you from?

- Uh, right here, actually.

- Bullshit.

- Hm, no, uh, went to, uh, Marshall.

Must be a mile away, it's a little nostalgic already.

Um, King Junior and, uh, Franklin Avenue Elementary.

- It's hard to picture you as a kid.

- Was a difficult child.

Never lived up to my potential.

I bet you that you were a little angel.

- Suddenly I knew.

He was or had been an actor.

Hell, everything he said had a character's name

written above it.

I did well. I was valedictorian.

Played flute in the marching band.

- And then you decided to act

at, um, Champaign-Urbana

or, um, Lawrence, Kansas?

I'd have thought

you'd assume I'm from Chicago.

- You have this, uh, flat Midwestern twang.

Just a season of corn fields and apple pie.

- That's Hastings, all right.

- Now you're here, trying to break into the big time.

How's your climb of fame going?

- It seems they tore Schwabs down a while back,

but nobody told me.

- Naturally you take class, Boyd Stocker?

- Chris Valente.

- Oh, ballet on 3rd Street?

- Tap.

- You've come close,

but so far the star never broke her ankle.

- I have an acting showcase coming up.

Casting directors, agents.

- Showcase?

Well, those are a dime a dozen, but I think you'll catch on.

You have this spark. An edge.

- So why'd you stop acting?

- What is this, this fascination with acting?

Seeing where our personalities line up

with those fictional characters

and then just fusing them with life.

I don't know.

Got tired of dredging up all that life.

- Okay. So what do you do now, high and climbing?

- A number of things. I, uh, I coach.

I'm writing a, a book, actually.

"The Three Essential Musts of Successful Actors."

- Musts? - Yeah.

You know, uh, must do this, must do that.

But yeah, I don't wanna talk about it and jinx it.

- Of course not.

- I will tell you this though.

The first thing I tell my actors

is that actors have to have interesting lives.

To just try crazy things.

Do you like to try crazy things, Holly?

- Oh boy. Here we go.

Damn if I wasn't fascinated.

- Do you like animals?

- Excuse me?

- I, uh, I have this problem, um.

I found this dog-

- Mm-hmm. - And I need to return it.

- Okay, so why don't you?

- Um, well, it's not that simple.

Um, the dog belongs to Mariah McKay.

Do you know who that is?

- Sure. The bad girl Brooke Shields.

- Well, I, I saw the name-

- Ah-huh. - And address on the tag

and uh, well, I was gonna return it,

but then I started to wonder,

what if she, you know, thinks I stole it?

It's a problem, don't you think?

- It's only a problem if you want a reward,

otherwise, just be a good neighbor.

- But I'm not such a good neighbor, Holly,

I really do want the money.

I mean, if you saw a couple of thousand bucks

on the ground, wouldn't you pick it up?

- I'll let you know when I pawn my Girl Scout badges.

- You do realize I'm a little too old for you, right?

- I think you flatter yourself, Richard.

You're way too old for me.

I was running down on Wayne when I found a dog.

- More of an uptick to ya.

- I was running down on Wayne when I found a dog.

- That's perfect.

- I don't know.

I think she's gonna see me and think I stole him.

- She's not like that.

Trust me, you're the one that should do this.

- The little dog had a tag that said Gilbert,

with an address and phone number,

but nowhere did it say he belonged to Mariah McKay.

Richard's story stunk. But so what?

He fucked like an angel.

And I could use the money.

- What?

- Yes, I was, um, running down on Wayne and I found a dog.

- Hold on.

Oh! Why, mister, where have you been?

You had me worried sick. Oh, you rascal.

- I'd assumed it was the maid at the door.

Maybe an assistant. It was Mariah McKay herself.

What the hell was she doing answering her own door?

- He got out of the backyard somehow.

I haven't been able to find the hole yet.

Thank you so much.

- No problem, really.

I hope you don't mind me saying this,

but um, I've seen all your movies.

I mean, "Riverside 88," "Circus Dreams," "Morning Glory."

I mean, you are one of my heroes.

- Acting, uh. I prefer animals.

They never act, they very authentic.

What's your name, baby?

- Holly.

- Hmm, Holly? Very Christmasy.

I just, uh, made some coffee. You want some?

- Sure. That'd be great.

- Okay.

- Midwestern rule number one, accept any food

or drink offered graciously.

She'd made a ton of money in the 80s,

but it looked like she hadn't held onto it.

She could probably cough up a hundred, but thousands?

Of all the dogs to steal,

why had Richard picked Mariah's?

- Poor kiddo. You must be starving.

- Have you been here a long time?

- Oh, 20 years or more.

Ah, I always give him a little yogurt,

you know, for probiotics.

You gotta pay attention to your gut health.

Here you go, baby. There you go.

So how long have you been in town?

- Um, about a year.

It's harder than I thought though,

I- I just lost a roommate.

- Nah, chapter and verse.

Been there and done that.

I tell ya, uh.

Here.

You might not believe it, you know,

but these, these are the good times.

Have you got an agent?

- Ah, yes, but not a very good one.

- Ah, well hang in there.

A lot of people give up and go home.

So you just have to outlast that mob.

- Good advice, but what I wanted

was a thousand bucks for returning her dog.

Yeah, I thought I'd be further along by now,

but um, I'm still waiting tables down at Orzo.

- Orzo? Nah, that's not a bad place.

I- I like their ossobuco.

- Yeah, we had it last night.

I don't mind working there,

it's just the tips aren't as good

as you'd think they'd be.

Don't overplay the poverty.

Remember, Midwestern rule number two. No hyperbole.

- Oh, it's tough.

You know, I really, really very grateful

that you brought Gilbert back.

A lot of people wouldn't have bothered.

- Mm. It's no bother, really.

- Ah, y- you know, I, um,

I can't offer much,

but uh, I was thinking of hiring someone

to help organize my stuff.

And you seem like a competent woman.

Do you think you'd wanna help me?

- Sure. That'd be great, um.

- Yeah. - Just let me check

my work schedule.

- Okay.

- Hey! Did it work?

- No.

And I was the friendliest,

this young thing you ever did see,

but she doesn't have any money, Richard.

That place is falling down around her.

- It's not that bad.

Did Mariah actually tell you

that she didn't have any money?

- She didn't have to.

I mean, I was practically choking on the molds.

Oh, correction, she does have some money.

Enough to offer me a shitty job sorting through our debris.

- Way to bury the lead.

No, but seriously, think about it.

This is a fantastic opportunity.

- Don't fuck with me.

- No, seriously. Think about this.

- I did think about it.

I actually gave it the five seconds of thought it deserves

and had exactly two thoughts.

A, it'll be depressing as hell.

And B, she'll probably offer me like 10 bucks an hour.

- All right, Holly, you are way too smart

to not see the side benefits here.

- Side benefits to being an old white woman's maid?

- No. No, no.

Do you have any idea how much she brings in in residuals?

I mean, her backend deals?

She has to do a minimum amount of business, right?

You'll come into contact with agents,

casting directors, maybe even directors.

This is an in. People are gonna notice you.

No, I'm serious.

They can't help it.

- You already got me into bed.

- All right, imagine what might happen

if you got Mariah McKay to come

to your acting showcase.

- My acting teacher doesn't think

my scene is good enough yet.

- Well, it will be after I coach you on it.

Gratis, of course.

Trust me, when you charm your way

into a movie star's house, that's magic.

You're magic.

- So wait, wait.

The short bald guy?

And you went through with it?

- Yes. And it was kind of amazing.

- I mean, as long as you kept your eyes closed.

So what does he do?

- Um, I don't know.

I think he used to be an actor,

but now he like writes or coaches or.

- No, no. No, what does he do in bed?

- Right.

It's like he barely ever came,

but he got me off like 20 times.

- 20?

- Yeah, well, I don't know, I lost count.

- Uh, I'm sorry, you were counting?

- Yeah, but at a certain point I had to stop.

- Wow. Older guys, huh?

- I'm kind of into it.

- It's fuckin' hot.

- Ladies! Time to lean, time to clean.

- Bitch.

I re-watched Mariah's best movies before I went over again.

She'd been dazzling, dangerous, and sexy.

Now she lived in a messy house and only talked to her dog.

- Oh! Wasn't sure you'd show.

- Um, these were out front. Do you want them there?

- Nah. You know, Jesus didn't just die on the cross.

He actually traveled.

- What?

- Hmm. "History Channel."

You can learn all sorts of things on there.

- Woods, a weapon, both subtle and-

- Where do you want me to start?

- Ah, well, most of this stuff goes

in the closet in my bedroom.

Up the stairs on the left.

- A strict diet.

- Great.

- Victorian.

Mariah didn't go out, the world came to her.

Three years of brand-new clothes still in their boxes.

It took a week to organize it all.

And then there was the mail.

Do we wanna keep magazines?

- Only if they're this year.

You know, I, I- I'm hardly in this book.

- What?

- Look.

- That's an amazing photo.

- I have seen much better.

- Okay, here we go.

Residual check? Yep.

$2 and 47 cents.

- Oh wow!

You see, that's what happens

when you have a movie play on TV for 30 years.

- I'd done enough sorting by now

to know that most of her residual checks

were in the thousands.

She'd had money all right.

And a house full of empty rooms

waiting to be used by someone.

It's something, right?

- It's something when Harry Dean Stanton

sticks his finger up yours ass,

but it's not good, baby.

No, don't put it there.

There was, it's been broken forever.

- Oh. Um, you just need to re-drill the screws.

It's an easy fix.

Uh, my dad made sure I knew my way around a toolbox.

Ah, like your character in "Morning Glory" does.

- Patsy.

Yeah, I liked her. She was, she was strong.

- Oh, she was more than strong. She was kick-ass.

- Yeah. - Oh, and um,

your cousin in the movie.

- Jethro. - Jethro!

I had a roommate lined up who looked just like him.

- Really? That's horrible.

- He backed out. I've got like a week to find someone.

- You know, um, I have a room.

I- I never thought about renting it to anyone,

but you're a nice kid.

- Seriously? I.

- Don't get excited until you see it.

Did you know cyanide occurs naturally in peach pits?

- What? - Mm,

"Science Channel," special on poisons.

Uh, all right, clearly it's, it's a lot of crap,

but uh, once it's cleared out, it's really,

it's really, really cute.

- Mm-hmm.

How much would you want for it?

- Well, I suppose the first month or so,

uh, we could consider it trade when you do the work.

- So I'd be cleaning your house

and living in the maid's quarters?

- No! I mean, don't put it like that.

Yeah, it would be a regular landlord/tenant situation.

Let's say, thousand a month,

after you finished all the organizing.

- A thousand bucks a month

couldn't get me a closet in Koreatown.

And this was a mansion in the Hills.

But it was Richard who really saw the opportunities.

But seriously, I mean, it's the maid's quarters.

- It's a room in an oversized house owned by a movie star.

- Yeah, if you saw her now, you would not be saying that.

- You know what your problem is? You're too Midwest.

- What?

- Too scared of getting outta your comfort zone.

An actor has to have new experiences to draw from.

- Let me ask, that's one of the three musts.

- Yes, it is. The three musts.

Must survive. - Mm-hmm.

- Must be creative at the craft of acting.

- Yes. - Must network.

Ah, must survive.

That's the number one must.

That means you gotta have food, roof over your head,

um, gas, that shit takes money, right?

I mean, if you're living there,

you might be able to find things

that she wouldn't notice if they went missing.

- You're bad.

- That's why you like me.

- It took two days to clean out the maid's quarters,

but only 20 minutes to pack up my apartment.

I sold all my furniture on Craigslist.

All that was left were my clothes, my laptop,

and of course my gun.

Okay.

Mm, okay, another box of scripts.

- Let me see. Oh, oh God!

My first film, "Camp Massacre."

I think I do the lines.

"Brad, is that you?

Oh, stop fooling around." Eh?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Oh wow.

Wait, I literally just saw the magazine cover

of you wearing that.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I was doing publicity for "1982."

A lousy romantic comedy I did with Kurt Russell.

And for that I passed up "Blade Runner."

- Sean Young's part?

- Well, it wasn't Harrison Ford's.

- Well, I'm sure you had a good reason.

- Yeah, a bigger paycheck.

Seemed like a good reason at the time.

- I'd assumed it was costume jewelry.

The kind of stuff you'd find in a cracker jack box.

It's not like we had a Tiffany's in Hastings, Nebraska.

- I felt like, nah,

I felt invincible in this shoot.

Ah, well.

Keep that.

- Mariah!

- Well, what is it, baby?

- Um, we need traps because you have rats.

- Oh, no. Oh, I've got traps.

You can put 'em out tonight.

Here, I keep 'em under here.

They're the, uh, anti-cruelty kind.

You see the, the rat goes in after the food

and the door closes behind it,

and then you take 'em out back and, uh, let 'em go.

I mean, if they're not in the house,

well, why hurt the poor little fellas?

- Releasing the rats would just give them

a chance to come back.

I was gonna handle this the Nebraska way.

Do you wanna come over tonight?

The mattress is so old

I had to put two pairs of sheets on it, but-

- Ah, ew, no.

And besides, I do not wanna disrupt

your budding relationship with the screen legend.

- Oh yeah, right.

- I'm serious. You still don't get it, do you?

- I'm just the first person who's been nice to her in years.

- Well, exactly. Exploit that.

Tell me more about what you saw

at the house in the maid's quarters.

- She has these amazing dresses.

Props, old scripts.

I found a letter from Stanley Kubrick.

- Get out. Anything more valuable?

- Actually, yeah. - Yeah?

- She has way more money than we thought. I mean-

- Tell me.

- She wears these around the house.

The jewelry, not the dress.

- She wears emeralds? - Yeah.

Every single day.

I mean, I thought they were glass, you know, junk.

- But they're not. - Mm-mm.

- I bet you she's gotten quite a bit over the years.

- Do we really think it's a good idea for me

to steal from my rich landlady?

- Steal? Who said anything about stealing?

More like, you know, liberate.

- I couldn't resist. I had to try on Mariah's dress.

- How's it look?

- Well, I didn't think it was gonna fit, but it does.

- Wow.

I haven't been able to say that in 15 years.

- Something's off though. Uh, it looked better on you.

- Oh. Well, you've got the legs for it.

But my tits were a little better.

We can do something about that. Oh, hang on.

- I had a jewelry box back in Nebraska.

One of those flimsy things with a plastic ballerina.

When Mariah took the key from around her neck

and opened hers, I gasped.

Who knew how much it was all worth?

I'd never worn anything more expensive than a $20 necklace.

- I got this in Cannes in '92.

- Wow.

These are gorgeous. - Ah-huh.

- Are they real diamonds?

- Of course.

- The diamonds hung heavy at my throat.

Over a hundred thousand dollars right over my pulse.

They felt like they belonged there.

- But not for you.

You need darker lipstick and the earrings,

but, honey, you look like hot shit.

Which is what we used to say

in my day, hot shit.

- I love the dress, but I don't know,

I don't feel like it enhances my vulnerability.

- That dress? No, damn!

No, that is a steal-your- boyfriend, hot-wire-a-car,

get-the-fuck-outta-town dress.

You know, that looks so good on you you ought to keep it?

- What?

- You heard me.

I'm never gonna wear it again.

- And so the girl from Hastings, Nebraska,

got her first designer dress.

- You have to promise me you'll wear it at the party.

- What party?

- The party that we're gonna throw.

You know, it's time to celebrate.

And guess who's gonna be there? Everybody important.

You could ask some of your nice little friends too.

- I wondered if she knew anyone under 60.

Still, my friends would leap at the chance

to come and stare at Mariah.

As for Richard, he'd wanna check out her jewelry.

- Eh, parties aren't my thing.

All the incessant, uh, small talk

and exchange of inanities, they just drive me nuts.

- You know her, don't you?

- Mariah?

- Yes, Mariah.

I mean, you won't come to the party,

you'll never come over to my place,

I always have to come to you.

- I mean, our, uh, our paths may have crossed

back in my acting days, but she was always

on a whole different level than I was.

- That's pretty big.

- The reason why I don't wanna go

to the party is 'cause of the dog.

I've got asthma.

- That dog was in your apartment for days.

- Well, yeah, a couple days too many too.

Anyways, you don't want an old Lothario like me

dragging you down.

You know, all those, uh, agents and directors and producers,

they're gonna wanna think they got a shot with you,

so you have fun, just don't fuck 'em.

So d'you find out if she's got more jewelry?

- Oh, yes. She's showed it to me, I mean, I saw it.

Calling it a jewelry box is an understatement.

It, it's more like a chest.

- Get out. Is it, how easy would it be to get to it?

- Impossible.

- Midwest, you're killing me.

You're too safe.

I mean, hey, that's a really fine way to live

if you're a waitress or a, uh, let's see,

a, um, movie star's, um, assistant,

but not an actress.

- I'm not safe.

- You won't even, uh, steal a pair of earrings.

- Says the guy who's too afraid to come to a party.

With the house looking better,

Mariah was ready to fling open the doors.

To my surprise, the party ended up being

a who's who of older Hollywood.

Actors, directors, producers,

they all showed up to pay homage to Mariah.

- Oh gosh!

Yes, sister.

- Oh, there are the drinks.

Thank you. - Oh, no, I- I-

- I'm gonna need another one of those, please.

- Come on, come on, don't be so stingy.

- Make it whole, right? Thanks.

- The guests were one thing,

but give Mariah an audience

and the magic and the attitude came roaring back.

- And after the premiere, when she walked into the theater,

well, let's just say all the straight males

wanted to adjust their trousers, if you know what I mean.

You were, you were sex on a stick.

- Oh, Andrew! - It's true.

You, you were, you were a thinking male's sex-on-a-stick.

- Oh! Well.

- And then you, you blew us all away

when you transformed yourself in "Morning Glory."

- Oh, I love Patsy.

- I mean, who doesn't?

- Holly, Holly! Come!

- Yes. Mariah?

- Why isn't the Pinot Grigio open?

Andrew needs a glass.

- Hi. Yes, sure.

Hi, I'm Holly.

I'm so happy you could make it.

- Um, yes, the wine, bub.

- Sure.

Goddammit, this is supposed to be our party.

Ugh, I'm a host, not her maid.

- Come on, she's a famous, rich white lady.

- Well, she's usually not this bad.

- Is she really any worse than half the people

that come into Orzo?

- No, but I get paid to be ignored there.

- Hey, beautiful. - Hi, Clay.

How are you? - Great.

- Good to see you. - This is so much fun.

Hey, is that that guy from that movie?

- Oh yeah, he's actually really quiet,

I can introduce you if you want.

Oh no, that is so fine.

I will just keep pouring.

Thanks. Thank you.

I made a mental note to tell Mariah to call Merry Maids.

Sorting through her mail was one thing,

but no way was I cleaning up this shit.

The house was a wreck.

At least no one had called the police.

- I had an amazing time.

- Oh, so did I, baby.

- I'd call Mariah a cougar,

but with that age difference

she was more like a saber tooth tiger.

But then again, look at who I was hooking up with.

- Mm.

Coffee's ready.

- Hey! I'm good, but I'll see you in class?

- Yeah. - I'll see you later.

- Okay.

Bye.

Good morning, baby.

- I wanted to stay mad at her,

but how could I?

She'd seduced my scene partner and trashed the house.

She was a teenager with an AARP card.

I take it you had a good night?

- I had a great night.

That little pal of yours, Clay?

He is a cutie pie.

He made me feel like a new woman,

even if he didn't know what he was doing.

- Did he now?

- Yeah, I tell you, that boy has stamina.

- Hm! That he does.

- Ha! Oh, holy fuck, is he your boyfriend?

- Clay? No.

- But you've slept with him?

- Once.

- Hmm. Well, okay, there's no problem.

I like you a lot more than I like him.

He does have that sort of, I don't know,

speedy rabbit thing going.

- There's a reason I only slept with him once.

- Ah! Well, he's young.

He can be trained. I'm patient.

- Guess I'm not.

- At your age, you shouldn't have to be.

Uh, about the party.

I know I can be a bear at times. No hard feelings?

- Mariah, you treated me like a servant

in front of my friends.

- And you don't think I paid my dues to be where I am?

How many directors have asked me

to get them a cup of coffee?

- That's not the same thing.

- And I did it.

I did it, because that's what it takes to get success.

Like a- a- a wolf willing to gnaw it's paw off

to get out of a trap.

Only afterwards, you have to look pretty.

- No place for actresses with gnawed-off limbs?

- Exactly, darling.

But last night made me realize something.

I wanna go back.

There has never been a better time

for women over 45 in this town.

And I wanna work.

- I was tempted to remind her

that the last time she'd seen 45,

I was in kindergarten, but I'm not an idiot.

You and me both.

- Hm. No reason that we can't both be working.

No reason at all.

- We? I liked that.

Her jewelry and house were small time.

If I played my cards right, I'd get a career.

The long game was the one worth playing.

- So she wore the emeralds?

- Yeah. They were beautiful.

I mean, she cleaned them and everything.

I- I felt like a criminal scoping them out.

- That's good.

New experience.

So she didn't break out the other stuff for a party.

Huh! That's interesting.

- You're very focused on her jewelry.

Did you give her some of it?

- What? - I mean,

you obviously know her more than just in passing.

- No, I didn't go to the party because of the dog.

- Oh, Richard, come on.

- Really, you wanna delve into ancient history?

- Yes, I mean, Julius Caesar,

the Norman Conquest, you and Mariah.

- We did a movie, like eons ago.

Um, an era called the '80s.

- Oh yeah, I think I've heard about it.

Landline phones, shoulder pads, cocaine.

What happened between you two?

- There's just not much to, to share, you know?

- Why should I tell you my most intimate stuff

if you won't tell me yours?

- You know, you wanna be an actor,

so why don't you break down that big-ass wall of yours

and tell me the most painful thing

that's ever happened to you?

- Oh, and that's called trauma porn.

- You know, it's not that hard. You just say it.

- Then you show me. You and Mariah, go.

- We had a short fling as co-stars. Well.

- What movie?

I haven't found you in any of her movies on IMDb.

- It was a, um, a so-called comedy

called "Two for the Show."

I died on the cutting room floor, alas.

- And how did that make you feel?

- Okay, all right. Um.

It made me feel foolish

and stupid.

- So how was she?

- Uh, a gentleman never kisses-

- Oh, gentlemen kiss and tell all the time.

How was she? Was she a good fuck?

Was she better than me?

- Don't do that. - Do what?

- Make it all about sex.

Look, way back in the day,

she had this, this magic,

this magnetism,

this amazing, you just, ah,

you couldn't look away.

Just like you.

- Uh, so what did you do then?

- I ran. I ran screaming for help.

- And did help come?

- No, I was alone.

And alone with that awful thing that had been David.

You are flashing your entire ball sack to the entire world.

- It's my secret superpower.

- Oh, great to know.

- Hi, baby. You up?

- Right here!

- Ah, good!

- Morning.

- Good morning.

Now I want to go see my team today.

The Chandler Agency.

So, uh, I need a ride.

- You don't drive?

- No, honey, are you kidding?

I haven't been behind the wheel of a car

since "Alabama Roadkill."

And that was a picture car.

- Okay, well then, can Clay?

- No, I can't.

I got an audition at 1:00.

- Honey, I meant it when I said I wanted us to go together.

So come on, get ready.

- You ready?

- Ah, almost.

Oh, put some lipstick on, honey. Pop your face.

- So I met a man at Orzo the other night

that says he knows you from back in the day.

- Oh my God, you didn't give him my address, did you?

- No, of course not.

He might have been bullshitting me,

but um, he says you two had a fling back in the '80s.

- Honey, I'm gonna need more than that to go on.

I lost track of my flings around '86.

- I mean, he has these blazing blue eyes.

- Short? Named Anthony, intense?

- He's intense, he is short too,

but no, his name is Richard Metzger.

- Ah. Mm.

I met a lot of intense guys back in the day.

I was doing a lot of coke.

So it's possible he could be right.

- Who are all these intense guys?

- Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I can't begin to remember.

The, the good thing about being Mariah McKay in those days

was how easy it was to get rid of 'em.

One guy I had the studio fire from "Circus Dreams"

after he threatened to kill me.

None of this restraining order shit for me,

thank you very much.

Another one, let's see,

I had thrown out of the house,

I had the locks changed.

And I don't want to start on the arsonist.

- The arsonist?

- I said I don't wanna start.

No, took me a while, but I learned my lesson.

I don't want a smart man.

I want a man who is nice,

and dumb, and hung.

- Like Clay?

- Exactly.

- Um, are we good on time?

I don't want you to miss your appointment.

- Honey, I don't need an appointment.

- Yes, it's her. It's been 20 minutes.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. McKay, um,

Aline is in a meeting right now and she-

- About what?

- I'm sorry? - What is the meeting about,

that it can't be interrupted by Mariah McKay?

- Hurry. She's scary.

That would be great. Thank you.

- Ah! You know what I miss?

- Mm? - The days

when you can smoke a cigarette, no questions.

- Oh yeah, equal-opportunity cancer.

- That's her.

- Ms. McKay, if you follow me,

I'll take you to Aline's office.

Can I get you anything to drink?

- Coffee, black, sugar. I asked for it 30 minutes ago.

- So you're Mariah McKay's assistant?

- No, I just rent a room in her house.

- That must be nice.

- Yeah, it will be, once we get rid of the rats.

- You know, I think that this is an exciting new chapter

for all of us.

- I just can't believe it.

The, the best new roles are on TV?

- I'm sorry I have to call you back in five minutes.

No, fine. I promise.

Okay, fine.

Yes, and you know what,

you are so right for so many of them.

Let's set up meetings with all the streamers.

- A meeting?

- To reintroduce you to a new generation.

- Well, I would think that an Oscar, two Golden Globes,

and a combined $532 million in box office,

might be introduction enough.

- Of course.

How about "Circus Dreams, The Series"?

Is that fabulous? You call Hulu.

We're gonna set that up.

- Uh, my character dies at the end of the film?

- Well, the writers will figure that out.

It'll be a prequel or a reboot. Like a whole reimagining.

Anyway, I'm sure you wanna beat traffic.

- I'd like to introduce you to Holly Sloan.

- You're, are her assistant?

Okay, if you need anything,

I want you to call my assistant, Thomas.

Anything you need.

- Uh, no. No, no.

Holly is a very talented actress.

Newly arrived in LA.

- Oh, you're an actress.

If Mariah recommends you, that means a lot.

It's so good to see you. I'm so glad that you stopped by.

It was nice to meet you, Holly.

Okay, bye. Let's go.

Hi, sorry.

- I pulled the "Circus Dream" files

from Mariah's agent.

Why was I even thinking about taking her jewelry?

If my career kicked into gear,

I could buy my own damn diamonds.

- Look at that one.

I mean, I'm telling you, Mariah is quite the collector.

I've counted seven different diamond pieces alone.

- You're researching Mariah?

- Yeah, um, just the stones around her neck.

- Don't you think her introducing me

to her agent changes things a little bit?

- Well, I mean, that's great,

but I mean, it's gonna take time, right?

So all I'm saying is, must survive, right?

- Huh, okay, um.

"The Three Musts" is a pretty shit title.

- Okay. Work in progress.

Hang on.

- Just let it go to voicemail.

- No, it's early. It could still be a audition.

- Mm-hmm. - Hello?

Hi. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, sure. Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

Okay, great.

- Who was that?

- That was Mariah's agency.

They wanna meet with me. They might sign me.

It was the biggest thing to happen for my career

since I'd gotten off that Greyhound bus,

but Richard was jealous.

He couldn't see past Mariah's jewels.

At least that's what I thought.

- God, everyone wanted risotto tonight,

I smell like Parmesan cheese.

- Wait, you're making me lose count.

- 6, 19.

- Stop.

- Hey, you coming to my DJ set this weekend?

- Mm-hmm.

- Are you too busy having multiple orgasms

with your old man fuck buddy?

- Goodnight, you guys, thank you.

Have a good night.

Okay. All right.

Oh shit. I missed a call from the Chandler Agency.

Did I tell you about my meeting?

- Only about 3,000 times.

- Holly, come talk to me before you leave, okay?

- Okay.

They canceled the meeting.

- Why?

- I don't know. They didn't say.

Here you go, Logan. Fuck.

Fuck! What changed?

Hey, what's up?

- There's no easy way into this, so,

we're letting you go.

- What?

- This was your last shift.

- Wait, why?

- A customer called about your attitude.

That's all I'm gonna say.

- Danielle, come on, you know me.

I'm a pro. I never lose my cool.

- You're losing it right now.

- Because you're firing me.

- Yes, I am. We'll mail you your last check.

- Oh, hey. Are you, are you okay?

- Never better.

- Oh. Okay, guess what?

I just got an audition for "American Horror Story."

It's like!

- Congrats. - Yeah.

- Your agent's really getting you out there.

- Yeah. No, I got a new agent, um, the Chandler Agency.

- Mariah's?

- Yeah, yeah.

She recommended me, but I asked her not to,

'cause that's not why I'm hanging out with her, you know?

- Oh dear God.

Dumb, sweet Clay really liked Mariah,

and she had gotten him an agent instead of me.

So much for my long game.

- Right. Well, have a good night.

- Hey.

What's up with you?

- God, can you say bad day?

I need a fucking drink.

- Okay. Uh, Gin, whiskey?

- Pick your poisons. Swirl 'em together for all I care.

- Why you breathing so hard?

- I walked here, okay?

I walked here because I can't afford an Uber.

And my car's radiator hose split

right where I parked it in front of the restaurant

that I used to work at.

Used to, because I got fired today at the end of my shift,

after some asshole called to complain about me,

and tomorrow, when I call a tow truck to pick it up,

I'm gonna have to look at that fucking place

and their $22 bowls of pasta.

- Jeez.

- I can't afford to get my car fixed.

- Oh, look, I've got a little bit of money, I-

- Shut up.

And fuck me now.

What was I gonna do for money?

And if an actress isn't a waitress,

is she even an actress anymore?

Let's do it.

- Let's do what?

- Let's take Mariah's jewelry.

And not just a necklace.

Enough to really make a difference.

- Well, hold on, why not just,

better take just a little bit, you know,

and just milk it over time.

- No!

You're the one who said I have to do

what it takes to survive.

Packing up my bags and going back to Nebraska

is not an option.

- Hey, hey, hey.

You never have to go back there.

You know what? Fuck Mariah.

Come on, say it.

Fuck her.

Come on. - Fuck her.

- That's it.

You said she only wears the emeralds, right?

If some of the other pieces were to go missing,

do you think she would even like, would she notice?

- No.

She wouldn't even notice.

She wears the key around her neck.

If I can get it,

if I can take the jewelry while she's sleeping,

she'll think Clay did it.

- Who the fuck's Clay?

- My scene partner.

The one who booked the SVU spot,

who signed with her agent,

'cause he did the smart thing and started fucking her.

I come home tonight and they're just going at it.

- Is he there, is he there every night?

- Yeah. - And.

- Since the party.

- Do you know where he lives?

- That, um, that old building on the corner

of, uh, Franklin and Cower.

- We, we could.

What do you think if we were to, um.

What do you think if we were to plant some jewelry there?

Do you think he'd make a good fall guy?

Oh, you're bad.

- Yeah, but that's why you like me.

- Well, when I'm done with her,

we could throw her back into the gutter.

- Some people might feel bad

for what we were going to do to Clay.

- End scene. - Not me.

Everything had come so easy for him.

- Clay, fantastic work as always.

Y- you have this, um,

Pacino-esque quality.

This intensity that-

- Well, things were gonna start coming easy for me.

So what if Mariah had helped Clay and screwed me over?

I'd take her jewelry.

Must number one, must survive.

What the hell?

Your old headshot. Explain.

- Where'd you find that?

- You changed your name.

- So? A ton of actors change their names.

- You didn't tell me. Lying by omission is still lying.

- No, my name is Richard Metzger.

Uh, here's my license and registration.

I just don't talk about it.

- Well, you do now.

You weren't in "Two for the Show" with her,

you were in "Circus Dreams."

- We jumped into bed 15 minutes after our first rehearsal.

It was intense, it was crazy. That's it.

- Bullshit, that's not it.

- She was fucking clingy, helpless, a psycho bitch.

Yeah, I broke it off.

- Okay, so Mariah is a lot of things,

but honey, she's not a fucking psycho bitch.

Stop lying to me, Richard.

- What the fuck, Holly?

- Okay.

- What are you doing?

- I will not take a piece of that jewelry

until you tell me what your deal is with her.

- She, uh, she got me kicked off the movie.

I wasn't in a single frame.

All right, it was fucking humiliating.

Mariah, uh, she killed my career, so I changed my name,

I went to New York, I did plays for like three years,

came back here, nothing.

Couldn't get one fucking meeting!

Who'd you tell about this?

Who'd you tell about my name?

- No one.

- Fuck.

Fuck, man. I might as well just burn my book!

Yeah, I mean. F.

- Finally the truth.

Richard was the guy Mariah had thrown off "Circus Dreams."

He'd threatened her and she destroyed his career,

just like she was doing to me.

Now he wanted reimbursement for a lost life.

No wonder he was so obsessed with her.

Fuck that bitch.

Come on, say it.

- Yeah, fuck her.

- We'll steal the jewelry.

We'll make it right with her.

I just have to figure out how to get the key.

- Leave that to me.

Morning, sleepy head.

- Good morning.

Mm, what is this?

- Breakfast. All kinds of flavors.

Uh, you got your, um,

your fluffernutter.

- Mm-hmm. - Your, um, lemon raspberry.

- Mm-hmm.

- And maple bacon.

My favorite.

- I can't tell if this is disgusting or delicious.

- Well, which is a sign of greatness right there.

- Possibly.

Well, you know, this feels like a significant moment.

- What? You getting breakfast?

- Me not sneaking out in the cover of darkness.

You know, I guess planning a felony

does that for a relationship.

- Well, diamonds too, marks education.

- And Mariah has some great ones.

- Oh, she does.

This is,

this is how we get the key.

- What is that? - Crushed-up benzos.

Mix them with her and Clay's drink,

and um, sleepy time.

Can you, um, can you do that?

- Easy.

Mariah hates getting anything for herself.

I mean, if she can wave a hand in my direction to fetch it?

- Okay, good, uh, great.

When, when will you do it?

- As soon as I can.

- We'll celebrate afterwards.

What do you think? Pack a bag.

Bring it over when you're done, go to Big Bear.

- Big Bear? - Yeah.

- Mm-mm, if I do this, we're going to Hawaii.

- Nice.

- He broke up with me.

- Clay?

- Of course Clay.

We were supposed to have lunch together

and then he didn't show.

When I called and left texts, he never answered.

- He's ghosting you.

- He's what?

- Ghosting you?

You know, when someone suddenly stops answering

your text messages?

- So he's dumping me, hm? Because I'm old.

I'm old. I'm old.

You see, I got offered this part.

Be the judge, 'cause I'm old.

Of course he dumped me.

- We don't know that Clay dumped you.

- Then why hasn't he answered?

- I don't know. He's a 25-year-old actor.

He, his phone is dead. He booked a role.

He's playing hard to get. Anything.

- Well, if his phone's dead,

that means he, he can get

my other message. - No, it's more texting.

- Well, but I- - No!

You want some tea?

- Tea? Do I look like a woman who wants tea?

- No. You look like a woman who wants more wine.

- Bring me the shiraz, not the cab.

- I'll be right there!

- There's no arguing with these results.

Okay? It's like falling-

- Motherfucking spooking me.

I'm Mariah fucking McKay!

- Ghosting. He's ghosting you.

- Whatever.

Look, I think, I, uh, I think I'm gonna turn in.

Ah, you okay to, to clean up, baby?

- Not a problem.

- Where's the love, mister? Huh?

What, have you, you've turned from me too?

Come on! Come on!

- Get a load.

- If we're lucky,

she won't notice for a long, long time.

Maybe never.

- And the sedatives, they, um, she was out?

- Out like a light.

She would've slept through an earthquake.

Almost like she was dead.

- Okay, okay. All right.

- Getting her key, stealing her jewelry?

Oof, it was nothing.

Check this one out.

She got this one in Cannes.

1992. It was worth 180K back then?

I mean, it's gotta be worth a whole bunch more.

- Oh man. Absolutely.

- Whoo! I'm still jacked up.

Adrenaline. You want a drink?

- I'll, um, I'll take whatever you're having.

- Whiskey.

- What about Clay?

- Oh, Clay wasn't there.

- Lucky us.

- He is, um, ghosting her.

- He's what?

- Ghosting her. God, you old types.

It's, um, it's when someone doesn't respond to your texts.

To Mariah McKay, goddess of the silver screen.

And her jewelry.

- Yeah, thank God that the latter

kept its value and beauty

while the former withered and aged.

Cheers.

- You're awful.

I don't even wanna know what you say about me.

- That I have never met anyone like you, Midwest.

Ever.

- Maybe it was the adrenaline.

Maybe it was the diamonds on the bed next to me.

Goddammit, I still wanted him.

Even after what I knew.

Even after what I had done.

Are you okay?

- Fuck!

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

God, I.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. This is weird.

This hasn't happened.

Did you, did you pick up the dog?

Oh geez.

Oh, Jesus, fuck.

Yeah, water! Water!

- Richard, breathe!

- Hospital.

- Hi. Yes.

Wait, wait, wait. It's gonna be okay.

Richard, hang on. It's gonna be okay.

Yes. Hi, yeah, yes.

No, no, no, don't put me on hold, motherfucker!

I need an ambulance right now!

My boyfriend can't breathe.

4730 Fountain Drive, Unit B.

- I can't, Midwest.

- Richard, they're coming.

End scene.

I never called.

You're not having an asthma attack, by the way.

That powder you gave me, the cyanide?

It's paralyzing your respiratory system.

You got about five minutes.

I put it in your drink, in case you're wondering.

Cheers.

You know, I used to think you were being ironic

when you called me Midwest until I realized

you know fuck all about the Midwest.

Nebraska isn't just corn fields and apple pie.

It's also oxy and Dilaudid.

That powder didn't look like any crushed-up pills

I'd ever seen and when I smelled it.

Almonds?

Dead giveaway for cyanide.

I mean, you were right about one thing.

Nobody would've bought your stupid fucking book

if they knew the truth about you and Mariah.

That you're a fucking canceled, washed-up has been

who got dumped by a movie star.

Whoa!

Oh-uh.

Some romantic getaway.

What, were you planning on poisoning me

and then making it look like I killed Mariah and Clay,

'cause I was jealous of them?

Me? Jealous of them?

Oh, Richard!

I would've kept your secret.

I'm so used to being underestimated,

it fucking kills me.

But I was stupid.

I believed you when you said

that I was special, that I would make it.

But you never even saw me.

You were just thinking about her.

You crushed me, Richard.

- You have this spark, an edge.

- You changed your name.

- Ton of actors change their name.

I found this dog and I need to return it.

- There's no easy way into this,

so we're letting you go.

- I am, uh, calling about a complaint

with one of your employees.

You're badge.

But I'm not such a good neighbor, Holly,

I really do want the money.

What about Clay?

- Oh, he wasn't there.

- Lucky us.

- You know her, don't you?

- Our paths may have crossed

back in my acting days.

- What is that? - Crushed-up benzos.

Mix them with her and Clay's drink,

and um, sleepy time.

You're bad.

- You're the one who said I have to do

what it takes to survive.

Am I good enough for you now?

- Making an omelet. Want some?

- What are you putting in it?

- Just cheddar cheese.

- Yeah, I'll take some.

- How are you, baby?

- Everything went according to the plan.

- Thank God you figured it out.

- I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.

And I mean that.

- Not everyone can smell

that scent of almonds.

It's genetic. "Science Channel."

- I'll wait a few more minutes and then I'll call.

- I'd wait till tomorrow and make sure I knew all my lines.

- Well, last person I saw was my boyfriend,

but no, I don't think he'd take my gun.

He has been a little depressed.

- No, honey. Don't push it.

Let them bring up suicide.

- Right, right.

- Yeah.

You up for this?

- Actually, I'm kind of excited.

I mean, sort of like opening-night-play excited.

- As soon as I reported my gun missing,

the police connected the dots.

Ballistics linked my gun with Richard and Clay's deaths.

Soon Richard's real name came out.

Then his history with Mariah.

The press had a field day.

Of course, the cops had questions for me,

but Mariah was brilliant, she made it all about her.

The woman so enthralling, so enticing,

that two men died for her.

She had movie offers by the end of the week.

And it turned out that I didn't need

some actors showcase to make things happen.

So I took class, I hung out with Mariah,

signed with her agent,

and started actually working as an actress.

I still think back to that night,

about what it was like to kill Richard.

It was like killing a part of myself,

the part that was sheltered and innocent.

Well, good riddance.