Original subtitles

Your dad sent your letter to the office. Oh, please let it be a death

certificate.

Oh, wow. Your dad took it to the actual newspaper.

Being old must run in your family.

Huh? You made the paper again, Dad.

That's really sweet.

No, it's psychological warfare. Every time I'm in the paper with something

embarrassing, he sends a clipping.

Frank, did you leave a panini on? Does Picasso leave a painting unfinished?

We got so many dogs from the Amazing Donald's estate.

Too bad the Amazing Donald couldn't make heart disease disappear.

Hand me those reptile bags. I need these for the snakes, man.

You got pockets?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dozens

of birds coming through!

You guys got to try this.

That's good. Keep it moving, people.

And time.

I flew for one glorious moment I could take to the sky. Great job, everybody.

that had been a real fire, all animals would have survived.

This was a drill.

Today is the grand opening of our annex kennels. We are expecting lots of VIPs.

Would I have liked a little bit more time to get our sea legs at the newly

merged precinct?

Yeah, absolutely.

So, I'm going to need all hands on deck to get this done. Can I get an ahoy? The

only thing that makes this merger tolerable is knowing that someday the

explode and destroy the entire planet.

Ahoy! Ahoy! Thank you.

So, Victoria and Daisy, I need you two on dog detail. I want all adoptable

pooches looking their best. That means scrubbed, sheared, and sexy.

Sexy. Well, no one listens to me until I say something awkward. Now, who wants

to do balloon arches?

Affirmative. Everyone knows I handle all things balloons. They called me the

lunar back in the two -three. My man has legit mylar skills.

Sold. Templeton's doing the arches.

Yeah, I'll need two experienced officers.

I can give you Shred and Patel. Sure, the Butterfinger brothers? I can smack

them back into shape.

Sorry, I nodded off. What happened? So far, I'm supportive of this plan and my

lack of involvement.

Frank, you can either tag in and help Templeton, or you can pick up Roman,

may I remind you, is our sponsor.

He requested a limo service, but given our budget, the limo service... It's one

of our trucks.

That's like asking me which grandparent I want to get a lap dance from, I guess.

Templeton? Perfect. You can moisten my balloon tips.

I'm out. I'll pick up Roman. Just remember, it's his face on the flyers

signature on the check, so get him here in one piece. I promise nothing.

I have to moisten his balloon tips?

Just hold on, baby. What do you mean a school policy? We have to invite the

entire class?

Well, no, of course. Maybe I'm going to handle it. Yeah.

If I choke on this bagel, just don't resuscitate me. Buddy, I've seen you

down a burrito in two bites. There's no way a bagel's taking you out. What's up?

My kid's birthday party. It's supposed to be him and a weird kid named Tom in

the living room playing board games. Now I have to feed 35 kids.

35? 35 kids. Dude, that's like two bounce houses.

Maybe I can get my kid canceled.

Just got to find out what a nine -year -old finds offensive.

Booker time.

Oh.

I didn't know you were here. I can come back later. No, no, no, no. It's totally

okay. It's everybody's kitchen. It's the people's kitchen.

Right. I know. I just... I just don't want things...

Be weird.

It's not weird. We're just two co -workers that know what the inside of

other's mouths taste like. Yeah. We were friends before. There's no reason why

we can't keep things platonic.

Platonic is a great word for us. Yeah. Also, really good movie. Are you sure

you're not thinking of the movie Platoon? I am thinking of Platoon. But

about army buddies that work together with no romantic feelings. So it kind of

applies. That is us for the next few months. Maybe my toast will be done by

then.

I do have to push it down. Like our feelings.

I'm going to take my yozo.

Oh, no.

Hey.

Hey. Thank you so much for rolling with the punches and helping Daisy. This

might be a good opportunity for you two to bond. You know, make it fun, bitches,

washing bitches.

I don't think I've ever heard you actually curse before.

Yeah, I hated it when I practiced it in my office, and I hated it now. The thing

with Daisy, I don't think she loves me.

Yeah, whenever I walk into a room, she just chats, nope.

Oh, yeah.

And he's like, no.

Yeah. You know what? I'll give it a go, but only because I don't want that bald

spot to get any bigger. Yeah, I have been thrift plucking again.

So, yeah.

Trip,

please trip.

Can you step outside of the vehicle, sir, please?

No, I'm just kidding.

No, seriously, I'll be driving.

Did you steal that uniform from a Build -A -Bear? No, Emily swore me in as an

honorary officer, which is why I'm allowed to drive, so move over. You have

seating options, passenger side or center console.

Emily, Frank won't let me drive.

Frank, be nice and let him drive.

When did you call Emily? Before I left the house. Scoot.

I can't believe I should have chosen Templeton.

Might want to adjust the mirrors in the seat. A joke about my stature.

Sorry, we can't all be blessed with Frankenstein's height and personality.

It's a big vehicle. You need clear lines of sight.

All I see is a sulky Sally about to have the ride of his life. Okay.

Stay in the truck, Frank.

Thanks for taking over the wheel while I make some content.

Oh, I wouldn't want to deprive the public of the daily garbage.

What up, Romaniacs?

Animal Control Officer Roman Park is in the heezy, along with my driver, Frank

Shaw. Say hi, Frank. I do not consent to being recorded. I'm being held against

my will.

All available units, Dangerous Dog reported on 4th and Madrona. Respond

Sergeant Park responding. On it. No, no, no, no. We are not on it. We're not by

it. We're not going anywhere near it. It's your call, Sergeant.

He is not a sergeant.

Thanks, darling.

We'll take it. Do any calls, like and subscribe.

Mark!

Wrong shape.

Uneven distribution.

Terrible spiral.

I almost lost my fingertips tying these balloons off. Oh, you're putting on

Pinky Winky. Man up.

Where the hell's Patel?

Honey, I'm on it. I found this great party store. Tons of stuff.

Kids like tomato juice, right?

Mmm. Nice of you to make an appearance.

You know there's two types of people in the world, right? There's workers, and

then there's shirkers, and all I see are two shirkers right here. This is party

decorations, bro. You need to relax.

I do too, bro.

I'm sorry.

You know, helium's a dwindling natural resource, and this is how you plan to

waste it?

You really, you scared me.

You're not excused. You're not excused.

Seriously. Permission granted for dismissal.

Tomato juice.

Yeah. Well, yeah, that's... Well, as you were.

Galloping gremlin. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, it's... Look at us.

Two bitches washing bitches.

This is a male dog, and I don't like being called a bitch. For the record, I

called us both bitches. It wasn't... I'm sorry I can't hear you because I'm

trying to work.

Generally, we point the hair dryer at the dog. Oh, yes, right.

Yeah.

Oh, dog.

Hey. Hey.

How are you two doing?

So good. Peace. Having so much fun. I love that. It's a huge day today, right?

Huge. It's huge.

Stop talking.

Great.

Frank Shaw Limbaugh service transporting morons since 9 a .m. Hi, Frank.

I'm not micromanaging you at all. I'm just making sure that Roman is still

alive. He is alive and kicking, mostly because his feet can't reach the floor

mat. We decided to take a call. Frank, that man is our sugar daddy. Do not let

him get mauled. Don't worry. I told him to stay inside the throttle.

Oh, gotta go.

Don't, no, don't.

Hi. Roman, no, no. Relax, Frank. I built an empire.

Wait, Gene. It's irrevocable.

Quiet!

See?

And this is why I have a pear orchard and you're relegated to being my

chauffeur. I actually chose to drive your fun -sized body around.

Shockingly, it was better than the other option. I thought you ran this

precinct. Boy, how the mighty... Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay, I finished another cluster.

You're doing great. Almost there.

Glad to hear you guys are finally paying the arts the respect it deserves.

You did this to me. One more push.

It's a blue.

Here, hold him, Daddy. It's a blue.

Congratulations.

Get out.

I'll finish the keystone grouping myself. Get out.

I'm done.

What's taking you so long? I'm like five dogs ahead of you. Yeah, you keep

cherry -picking all the left dogs. From what I've heard, your lap could use a

break. Okay, what the hell is your problem with me? You want to know what

problem is with you? Why, I... You did Templeton dirty.

Wait, seriously?

Mm -hmm. Are you referring to when he stalked me? He's not talking. Yeah, and

then he sent me weird New Zealand gifts. Those gifts were thoughtful and

background -specific. He is a total creep. He is layered.

Drip, drip.

You any bet he's doing my calendar idea?

What do you need, I see? This precinct continues to disappoint. My unit's

trapped in the helium tank, doing wacky vests. You know what? I'm going to go

get some, because I think they sell some a long way away from here. Yeah, sure.

Like, I'm going to trust you with the noble gas. You're probably going to try

huff it out of a sock. The thing is, your insults aren't landing, because

uniform shirt is tucked into your underwear and your breast mount.

Why don't you go with her?

I'm going to go back to the arch and finish doing these units early.

Your bagpiping skills have saved yet another party. Oh, I know.

That me?

That me? Hey, you okay?

Yep, yep.

Are your pants caught on that hook?

A little bit. A little bit, yeah. I was organizing the leashes and then I...

Yeah, my belt loop got snagged when I reached up to get that basket.

Yeah, okay. Well, let me help you down. No, no, no. I'm fine. That's fine. Okay.

Actually, my toes are going numb. Yeah. Here, I just... I got to grab.

Here.

I feel like we keep getting hot moments that are. Yes, I agree.

Of all the days, right? Yeah.

Sorry. So I'm going to get back to erecting.

Blowing. No. All right.

Yeah, that's good because this is a place of work. So let's all get back to

work.

I'm a control officer, does it?

Yeah. But this has been really fun.

Ta -da.

Bon appetit.

All right, here we go. Eat the oven, Nick.

Good job, girl.

We did it!

Whoo! All right, do you want to skip the embarrassing part where I ask you if

you need help getting down? I got it.

Uh -huh.

and caught my belly in a wiper.

Okay, girl. We're taking the highway.

No, I caught my belly in a wiper.

You want to get something to eat on the way? Help me.

Help me.

Is there any chance you did that old man's thing and forgot to record?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I got it.

Oh, flashlight's on. Hold on. People look up to me, Frank.

If that leaks, thousands of dog owners will abandon my training message.

Oh, no, no, no. It won't leak.

I'm going to post it intentionally.

Well, it doesn't matter. At least he'll get a laugh out of it.

Oh, who?

Nobody? Just my dad?

He thinks I'm a freaking joke.

If he wants to confirm that, I can send him the video. I've always been the

black sheep of the family. All my brothers are multi -hyphenates, like

professor.

Doctor researcher. Yeah, well, so are you, virgin leprechaun. I've been

You can't relate to any of this because dads love trapping dim brutes like you.

Just to be clear, you're still asking me for a favor. Just go ahead and post it.

Or don't post it. It doesn't matter. I don't care.

My earliest memory is my father. I had an in utero recollection. Oh, okay. Stop

it. Stop. I'll delete it. I just got to watch her one more time. Kill me.

We got a man down here!

We got a man down!

I found him like this.

Whoa, hey, you all right, buddy? You look greater than usual.

That arch is filled with my life force.

I gotta get it outside.

Otherwise, how will people know where the entrance is?

Okay, I can't do it.

Oh, boy.

It's all too much, this whole thing.

One minute I'm at the 2 -3 playing ping -pong with the boys, thinking I'm going

to retire there.

And then I'm reassigned. New place, new people. I'm just supposed to start over.

I'm almost 40 years old. That's really tough, man. There's no way we're the

age. I'm just rambling.

My oxygen levels have plummeted. My vision's blurred. You guys are kind of

backlit right now, like two angels.

Hey, you know we do fun stuff here at the 2 -2.

Ray, you know, we actually hang out at the rooftop on Fridays, and, you know,

play cornhole, drink beers. It's super fun.

Yeah, you can bring your friends. We could have, like, a tournament.

We'd destroy you, but it'd be fun. I'd like that.

Good. Yeah.

Okay, tremors just are going away, and the vision's coming back.

Nice. Let's get her outside.

Horse me.

I can't believe Templeton made you babysit me. Is he blackmailing you?

can help.

Do you know I got my cousin out of Scientology using only wigs?

It's not like that.

Last year, I went through a messy divorce.

It got very contentious. I don't know your ex, but I side with him.

I didn't say it wasn't him.

Oh, really?

Okay, it wasn't him. And he left me, and then all of a sudden, I was a single

mom working a full -time job. And Templeton thought that I was struggling

He wanted the help, so he sent groceries to the house. Not once, but every week.

Grooming 101.

Most kidnappers are someone you know. And he never took credit for it. The

deliveries were anonymous, but I know it was him because he always included my

favorite truck snack, those little bags of wet olives.

Templeton is a good man.

Wet olives.

That's the saddest part of your story.

Hi, Dr. Templeton's helium.

It's extra in case you want to mess with his tires. You might want to take it

easy on Templeton. What is happening today?

I know it's weird, but he was talking to us, and instead of wanting to fight or

flee, I just wanted to hug him. Oh, did you do it? No, of course not. But the

fact that Ava wanted to. Yeah, he was acting like a human. Maybe he's just a

dick and not a total dick.

Okay, everybody, gather up.

I know everyone's really busy. Can we just gather around?

We are T -5 to the opening, and the mayor is here.

Good time to bring up the city's homelessness?

No, not the day, not the place, Frank.

Does anyone have any last words before we go wow Seattle?

I do.

Where are my boys at?

Okay.

There they are.

If I could combine two people into one person, the world would say I was

Not for playing God, but for using my gifts.

to create such extreme uselessness.

Victoria, you were late with my helium, and you should be ashamed of yourself

for bullying a female officer.

But I am.

Frank, you're probably disappointing me somehow.

Emily, all of this reflects poorly on your leadership skills.

Appleton, what just happened, man?

That is where I drew the line. No, you don't... I am feeling better and better

about choosing Roman.

attempts to integrate this precinct into a cohesive unit have just they have

failed so thank you for putting me in the awkward position of being pro

-segregation so here's what we are going to do put on some fake smiles and

pretend to be one happy work family okay i said fake smile

and our special guests, and welcome to the Northwest Seattle Division of Animal

Control's grand opening of the Roman Park Park.

We did do several workshops of the name, and that is going to be the name. Our

deepest thanks go out to Roman Park, whose generosity has allowed us to build

this park. Oh, my God. Thank you so much, Emily, for that amazing

I wasn't prepared. I haven't prepared anything.

American humorist Josh Billing said, A dog is the only thing on Earth that

you. More than he loves himself.

These workers at Animal Control are incredible.

They honestly don't get the recognition they deserve.

Which is why I have a surprise for you.

Emily, a tug, please.

So real.

Look at that blob.

Oh, wait, that's me. What the hell?

It looks like your cupping treats acorns.

Oh, um... Clark, what is wrong with you? Don't you know you're not supposed to

make fun of fat souls anymore?

Ah, Templeton here did me a solid and gave me a picture of you from your

days for inspo. How dare you show the world how I see myself?

Of course your dad hates you. Do you really think a dad could hate this face?

No, he loves me. We just spent the weekend together at Seattle Kite Fest.

I read...

Simple beast for a living, Frank.

And I tell you, you reek of daddy issues. Gotta be the way to recover.

Lost footage.

Flashlights on.

Breathe, balloon bandit.

Wait, if you're really... What are you doing?

I'm just, you know, excusing. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are those the missing

cupcakes? And the solo cups?

That's how our city councilman had to drink out of a dog bowl this afternoon.

I'm running a little on cash, so...

I decided to borrow some supplies for Danny's birthday party. Okay, well,

birthday, Danny.

Thank you. But why didn't you just come to me?

Well, it's embarrassing.

Okay, what about this? We have been looking to add a community outreach

at the precinct.

Yeah, it'd be an extra five bucks an hour.

Will you throw in a company car? I will not, but I could give you a special

lanyard for your ID.

You can give that to Danny for his birthday. I think he'd like it. Let's

make it six more bucks an hour.

Deal. Okay.

I really appreciate you taking care of me, boss.

Thank you. Yeah.

Just watch behind me because I can't see much.

Good night, Emily.

Oh, hey.

Good night, Fred.

Do you want to go?

Yeah.

A nice end to a bad day.

All right, you're home.

Frank, that was so fun.

Oh, my God.

I burned you.

You burned me. We got in a crate.

Till next time, right, man?

I don't ever want to see you again. Yeah, I know. I'm tired, too. But want

hear a song about it?

No. Yeah, I do too. Okay, right.

Come on. Stick around.

Frank and I had fun today.

Nothing beats the jokes and the games we played.

Frank and I had fun today.

Season premiere of the Fox comedy Going Dutch starts now.