Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Yo, Seth. What's goin' on, man?

Uh, yeah, I'm in a bit of a situation,

and well, I could really use some advice.

Um, yeah, if you get this, can you please call me back?

All right?

Jake.

How's it going, man?

Look, I know we haven't spoken really since the party,

but uh yeah, I should probably say I'm sorry about that,

but I know you're away and all that

but just give me a call if you can.

I could really use some advice.

Uh, all right. Uh, well, have a good holiday.

Max. Hiya.

Yeah, it's, it's Seth's friend, Gyllen.

Look, I know you work in a garage and that,

and well, basically, I've got this like, old school RV thing

and I'm on holiday in Morocco and I drove it.

And I turned it off and for some reason

it won't start up again.

So I could really use some advice.

Cheers. Just give me a call if you get this, thanks.

Fuck!

You all right?

You a Chelsea fan?

Why you all wet?

Fell in the pool earlier.

Yeah well, I jumped in, actually.

Do you need a drink or something?

Jump like this.

Yep. Yeah, I was singing Vanilla Ice.

You know, "Ice, ice baby,"

and it got to that really good bit.

You know, the "Stop, collaborate, and listen."

You're on holiday?

Theoretically, yeah.

Yeah, I'm staying over there

with my mum and my stepdad and my little sister.

See that one with the flashing lights

and the boisterous music coming out of it.

Well, I was.

What're you doing here?

This is your car?

Yep.

Can I show you something?

This is your car?

Fuck no. No, it's my stepdad's.

Does he know you took it?

No, I borrowed it.

Do need a lift?

What?

Like, can I take you somewhere?

Where are you going?

France.

I mean, Spain first, obviously, and then France.

With this?

Yeah.

Wanna come?

Thank you.

Cheers.

Fuck me.

Where, where are we here?

You see?

Oh, looking fancy.

Where are we? Do you know?

Hi, mate. Look, I could really use a hand here.

Do you know where?

Could you tell me where we are on the map?

Could you point out where we are?

Parking?

Yeah.

Yeah, the ticket.

I need a ticket.

Yeah.

Money.

Okay. How much?

100.

Hundred dirham. All right, okay...

Uh-huh, mm-hmm.

Dollar. Euro.

Euros?

I don't have a hundred euros.

Hey. Everything all right?

He's trying to get me to pay a hundred euros

for a parking ticket.

Sorry about that, man.

But, what are you doing here?

This is not a place for tourists, you know.

This is not Spain or France.

You are in Morocco.

Okay?

For 200.

No, I don't have 200.

You just said a hundred.

No, no I don't. I can give you 100.

two, 200.

I don't have 200.

Go inside, go inside.

You go inside.

Go, go, let's go.

Let's go.

- Drive. - Hey, hey.

So they were a team, huh?

Yes, of course.

That was a trick. It's what they do.

Fucking wankers.

So what is your plan?

You will drive back, cross the border, go to Ceuta.

And driving through the harbor with this?

This is your plan?

Man, they're gonna catch you

and take your card and put me back in prison.

Do you wanna hear my plan?

Stop.

That guy.

The fat one?

No. No, the one he's talking to you.

See the Rasta hat and the denim vest.

You're think he look trustworthy?

No. No, no I don't.

But, well it looks like he's got nothing to do,

and maybe needs some money and speaks my language.

I'm gonna go talk to him. All right?

You wait here.

And if I come back with him, hide in the bathroom.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm Gyllen, by the way.

William.

Stay sassy, classy. And a bit bad assy.

So this your camper van?

Yeah, yeah. This is my camper van, yeah.

Freakin' extra.

How old are you?

18.

And you're going to?

Spain.

British passport?

Yeah, yeah.

But no driver's license.

And you?

Me, what?

Where are you going?

You're asking the wrong fuckin' questions, man.

Were you ready to fight those evil spirits, Wolf Song?

Yeah.

Do you have the heart of a lion, Wolf Song?

Yes.

I am a lion, and my heart is strong.

Do you have the heart of a lion, Wolf Song?

Yes.

So roar like a fucking lion, Wolf Song.

You all right?

Yes.

What's he doing?

He's crazy.

Is this going to work?

Yeah, yeah, it'll work.

Okay, so by now they know that I'm gone,

and maybe even that I took the RV.

It's gonna work.

Where the fuck are you going?

Just the toilet.

Hold on, man.

Take this and just drop it in the toilet.

My buddy, he's got the la diarrhea, la diarrhea.

I can't speak Spanish.

What are you doing in Morocco?

Holidaying.

Okay,.

Yeah,.

Are we in Spain?

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

The question was to give a fuck or not to give a fuck.

And I decided, "Fuck all of you.

You can all kiss my fuckin' ass.

Chuck it in the fuckin' bucket."

'Cause I'm no longer a slave.

I'm free, Wolf Song.

Now break your chains and ride, brethren!

Fuckin' slow wifi, and waiting in line.

The fuckin' idiots taking up two parking spaces,

getting on the bus before everybody's off.

Fuck these people, man.

Fuckin' pay taxes.

You gonna be all right to drive?

This message was brought to you

by the First Amendment.

Listen, why don't you just hop out and uh,

make sure that I don't start hitting stuff.

Then give me directions and shit.

Okay.

What the fuck you want, huh?

Try some good vibes, man.

What's so hard to fucking understand?

Just hop outside and give me directions

so I can get fuckin' this piece off this fuckin' boat.

One second.

Hold on, hey, hold on.

No. That's my car.

- He's stealing my car. - Hey, wait. Hold on.

- Hey. - He's stealing my car.

Wait, wait, wait.

He's stealing the fuckin'.

- Stop. Now wait, wait, relax. - Okay.

- Boy, relax. Okay? - Hey, hey.

Go on, use the stairs. Go.

- Hey! - Hey!

That's my fucking car.

Hello?

William?

Can you come back here for a second?

William, where are you?

Can you come back here for a second?

William, I'm not in the camper.

What do you mean, you're not in the camper?

William, don't freak out, but I'm not in the camper.

I'm in Algeciras where the ferry landed.

What do you mean you're not in the camper?

I'm in Algeciras, Algeciras, Spain,

'cause the crazy German hippie prick

stole the camper from us.

So I'm not in the camper with you,

but I need you to stay exactly where you are

and I'll come and find you, all right?

How're you gonna come to where I am?

I don't know where I am. I don't know.

How do I get out?

Don't get out. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't get out. Please, please, don't get out, okay?

Don't get out.

I will find you. I'll come to where you are.

We gotta take the camper back.

Just stay where you are.

Just send me a pin.

What?

A pin. Drop me a pin.

- Tell me... - What's a pin?

Google Maps, iMap, satellite map.

I got maps. I got maps.

Okay, okay. Send me the location.

I'll come as soon as I can, I promise.

Okay, okay, I'll wait. Hurry up.

Goodness it's cold out, isn't it?

And I thought this was bloody Spain.

How do you do?

Hello.

Nah, no, I've got this Batman bike

with this like, battery on it.

And I'm doing 40, 45 miles an hour, easy.

Yeah, it's like an e-bike.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Yeah okay, I got your map.

Yeah, I should be with you in like, an hour, tops.

Okay, sweet. Just stay where you are.

All right.

Fuckin' come on.

Yeah, I can see you.

Sounds good.

Okay.

Fuck you, and fuck you.

I came back from a battle and I did that

for this fuckin' reason.

Is it a big fuckin'...

For your fuckin' filthy, lazy...

Our Father who art in heaven

hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come.

I need to explain myself to these fuckers?

I'm the only one who takes responsibility!

Taking care of business!

So that these bitches can eat.

I've seen that RV at a vintage car market.

I can sell it tomorrow for 40,000. It's easy as pie, man!

Where's the fuckin' dope at, Luttger?

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses.

- Where is the dope? - It's easy, Bodo.

Just come up with a story for these losers.

Then there'll be 20,000 for you and 20,000 for me. Basta.

Why do you guys always start speaking German

when it comes to money?

- You don't have the dope? - No, but the car.

I hope you die, you spineless cunt.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Fucking back off.

- No. Stay here. - Back the fuck off.

- Don't stop! - What the fuck are you doing?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Fuck you.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

Yes!

Yes. Fucking come on, yes.

Sleep all right?

Very good. And you?

Yeah, good.

You're actually a really good driver.

Nah, I was only scared.

Yeah, me too.

Those people, they were a little crazy. No?

No, they were really crazy.

They were a bunch of really crazy hippies.

You from Great Britain?

Uh-huh. London.

So you and your mum, and your stepdad,

and your little sister

drove to Morocco from London with this?

Yeah. Indeed.

Why didn't you take a plane?

Well, my mum's afraid of flying,

and my stepdad's obsessed with the desert

and wanted to show her.

But actually, when we got there,

we ended up spending all the time in the hotel.

Pool all day and then cocktails for the grownups at night.

And then you decided to stole this camper car?

No, then I got grounded actually,

for jumping in the pool, singing.

Even though it was my fucking birthday.

And, but then, I jumped over the balcony,

nicked the keys for this little beast.

So now I'm going to France. See my dad.

It was your birthday?

Yeah.

When we met and you were on the roof?

Yeah, yeah. 18.

Happy birthday, man.

Cheers.

And you?

I'll be 18 in one month.

No, I meant what's your plan?

What, do you have to, I don't know,

get a visa or find some work or something?

No. I'm looking for my crazy brother, Baptiste.

What makes him crazy?

He just is.

Last time we heard from him, he was in France, in the north,

waiting for a chance to go to England.

So what happened?

I don't know.

We have not heard from him for a long time.

And my family got so worried that one evening

I decided to jump in the pool singing and go find him.

How come your English is so good?

I watch a lot of American films.

Why you don't like Chelsea?

Sorry mate but uh, no.

No, I'm actually offended by that t-shirt.

I'm Arsenal.

What?

I support Arsenal.

That must be hard.

Never winning any trophies.

Well, must be even harder never going undefeated.

Never won the Golden EPL or 11 FA Cups.

We won the Champions League.

Yeah well, with that as a unit of measurement

Nottingham Forest must be one of the biggest clubs

in the world.

Mug.

You're crazy.

So we both gotta get to France.

Wanna to come?

What do you mean, "Wanna come?"

The way you drive, you will still be driving around

in southern Spain two days.

To the left, to the left, to the left. To the left.

Stop.

Try the side one, the button on the side.

- This one. - No, no, the side.

- Yeah. - Push it.

Yeah. No, it doesn't work.

But, this is a cruise control.

Yeah well, it's clearly not working, is it?

Try the side one, please.

I just did. It's not...

No, no. Push, push it.

- Which switch, you need to... - Push it on the side, eh?

Yes.

Yes. Push it.

- Yeah. - Yes?

- Yes. - Yes.

Yes.

Where you going?

Gyllen.

Are you okay?

Gyllen?

What is that?

That is hash, William. Lots of hash.

A huge chunk of hatch.

Oh my god.

That crazy fucking German hippy, stealing, lying bastard.

Bless him.

You're not a bit tense though?

What?

Tense, or you're not stressed?

No, I don't know.

No. I don't think so.

'Cause I am, to be honest.

You know, the driving and my mum.

And, from personal experience,

I've found that hash can have a very relaxing effect on you.

You know?

Don't wanna lie to you but uh, I feel a little tense too.

Think that might be too much?

Nah.

Nah, I just gotta fill the entire room.

The entire room?

Yeah.

What?

What?

Why do you keep laughing?

Maybe hit one of the buttons.

Maybe the other one.

That isn't it.

Try another one.

So I'd say, smoke some, sleep really good,

and be well-rested for a full day of driving tomorrow.

Makes sense.

Close your eyes.

Now when I say something, open them. Okay?

Uh-huh.

Hip hop star.

Football player.

Child soldier.

First black man on the moon.

Man trying to sell you sunglasses.

Jesus.

All right now, you go. You go.

Boy band member.

Child abuse victim.

World class darts player.

White supremacist.

Youngest magician in Vegas.

Son of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

You cannot be the son of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

What, why? What?

I can be a white supremacist though?

Of course.

What? And you can be Jesus?

Of course.

Well Jesus, I know what we have to do.

Senor?

Senor? Senor?

Senor? Hey, hey.

Hey.

- Shovel. - Yeah.

Shovel. We can't find the shovel.

Let's remove all the sand.

Gyllen.

Yo?

You good?

Mm.

This is Gaston.

And this is Joseph.

Joseph has papers and a driver license.

- Oh, great. - And they need to go

to the north.

So, maybe they can drive us to where your dad is.

Great.

Sound good?

Yeah. Very good.

Hey.

What?

I have a question. You don't have to say yes.

But if it's okay with you,

we will take some people over the Pyrenees and into France.

What people?

Some people from Africa.

Refugees?

Yes, there's border control in the Pyrenees

between Spain and France.

But it's illegal.

Yeah, of course.

Okay. Thank you.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Can I keep the pants?

Yeah, of course.

Keep the t-shirt as well.

Thanks, man.

Why don't you come with me?

We could talk to Paul.

Sorry, that's my dad. Everyone calls him Paul.

He's a really good guy and he knows people, seriously.

He could help you.

We'll work something out.

I promise.

Okay.

Paul?

Paul?

No, it's me.

Yeah, it's me. It's Gyllen.

Yeah. No, I'm, I'm here.

No, I'm in Arcachon.

Yeah, yes.

Seriously.

Uh yeah, I'm at the Super-U.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Okay, cool, yeah.

Yeah, all right, um,

well I'll see you in 10 then.

Okay, yeah. Bye.

It's okay?

Yeah. He'll be here in 10.

Hey, man.

Yeah, right.

Hi, Gyllen.

Uh, this is William.

So, where's the car?

You did take Max's RV?

Yeah. Yeah, I did take Max's RV.

I mean the RV that is owned by Max.

Mm-hmm, and then you drove it from Morocco to here.

Yeah, I did.

Or, we did.

Sorry. Paul, this is William.

William, this is Paul, my dad.

Are you out your fucking mind?

Yeah. Yeah, I think that'd be an accurate statement.

Where's the RV?

It's not far.

Show me.

Hey.

Mm.

Yes, he's, he's here.

He's here.

I , yeah, I know.

Me too.

Yeah, I will.

Yes.

Right, look, listen, Beth, listen,

I'm standing in front of it right now.

I've got the keys in my hand. All right, it's not...

So yeah. Put him on the phone, tell him I'll speak to him.

Hi, Max.

Uh, yeah it, no, it looks good.

It looks in good shape, actually. Surprisingly.

Nice RV, by the way. What is that?

Right.

Okay. Yeah.

All right, well, bye for now.

Yeah. I'll, I'll...

Let's go.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey guys.

So you've put on some weight?

Yes, I did.

And, I actually thought he told you, to be honest.

Well uh, yeah. Sorry.

I, I just, I didn't wanna tell him over the phone.

Oh, okay.

Then this is uh, William, Gyllen's friend.

Welcome.

Good evening.

And happy birthday, by the way.

Oh, yeah. Cheers.

Well, come in.

You wanna jump in the shower real quick?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

You know, I mean, to be honest,

we all just wanted to enjoy a good bit of jazz piano.

You know?

But you know how Mum is.

She got bored and then she got boozed up.

Then she decided to start singing "How Deep is Your Love?"

She's actually got a pretty good falsetto.

You've gotta give her that.

Yeah, but then she got cocky.

So I gave her a good hard slap around the face

and I grounded her.

Did she hit you?

Yeah.

Yeah, but it's okay.

It's actually the most honest thing she's done

in a long time.

So we're, we're headed to Berlin tomorrow.

So, for now, Valerie and I will take you with us.

And then we'll put you on a plane back to London

when Elizabeth gets home.

I'm not going back to Mum's.

So you don't want to finish school?

Oh yeah, good point. Good point actually.

Um, school, what a really wonderful invention.

God, we are all really impressed down here.

You know, there's something that a lot of people don't know

is that you actually can leave.

Maybe you need to stop trying to be Mr. Funny for a second

so we can work out whatever it is that's going on with you.

Be careful what you wish for, Paul.

So where are you from, William?

Congo.

Oh.

And are you a refugee?

Yes.

No, no, he's not.

He's looking for his brother.

Are you attending school?

Yes.

How old are you?

I'll be 18 soon.

Uh, so you are a minor.

Are you traveling alone?

What do you mean, alone?

I mean, he's an unattended minor.

Can I use your toilet?

That was great. Honestly, really fantastic.

Thank you so much for the water

and the wonderful, exhilarating discussion.

But we should probably get going, it's getting late.

- Hey, you sit down. - Get on the road.

Sit down now.

Make me.

What did you just say to me?

I said, "Make me."

- Paul! - Stop!

Stop!

- Stop, you fucking bastard. - Paul, stop!

Stop it.

You wanna go? Then get out.

Paul.

Get out.

Hey, Gyllen?

Are you there?

Gyllen, are you there?

My brother died when he was 10.

What?

Got hit by a car when he was going around a corner

on his bike.

So that's why my dad was such a dick.

And my mom is so crazy, and I'm such a pain in the ass.

Lawrence was the craziest, wittiest, funniest

pain in the ass you would've ever met.

Always driving people mad.

He loved pranks. Just loved driving people up the wall.

Got the worst grades in school but everyone still loved him.

How old were you?

I was 13.

For me, school was always pretty easy,

so I'd help him with homework.

All he really wanted was I'd play him some Stone Roses or,

or chat about Arsenal,

or read him a Taoistic story.

Since then, mum's been suffering panic attacks.

She's become scared of pretty much everything.

Flying.

Fun.

Me.

And she can turn into an ice cold bitch in a second.

Yeah. I'm also not an Arsenal supporter.

Lawrence was. I don't give a shit about football.

You still going to find your brother?

Yes.

Do you mind if I come along?

So, that's my brother, Baptiste.

When was that?

That was the first video he sent from Calais.

So, a Zodiac's like a dinghy.

What?

The little boat you were talking about in Morocco.

A dinghy is like a boat you blow up with air?

Yeah. Yeah, like a rubber dinghy.

Yes.

Do you have a motor for it?

No, it's just the...

- Paddles. - Mm-hmm.

So you tried to get to Spain in that?

Just, just with paddles?

No, to go to Spain with a Zodiac is impossible.

So, what do you do?

You try to get out of the 12 mile zone around Morocco

and hope that the Red Cross finds you.

But most of the time, the Moroccan military will catch you.

So the main thing is getting past the Moroccan military?

Hm.

When you're up by Lim, you already made it very far.

Because first you have to get to the beach.

No, first, you buy a Zodiac from a guy

that stole it from some other refugees.

Then you have to pay somebody to get you to the beach.

But sometimes they take your money and fool you

and drop you at the wrong place.

What do you mean, the wrong place?

They make you think that you're close to the beach,

but you're not.

But before you realize, they are gone.

Some even put you on the boat, then drive for a long time,

and then they put you on the beach

and they scream at you, and tell you to hide.

And in the morning, you realize it's not Spain.

It's still Morocco.

So they drive in circles and take you back to Morocco?

Yes. That's what they do.

Shit.

Yeah. Dirty shit.

Can I ask you something too?

Yeah, of course.

You did not know that the new wife of your dad

was pregnant?

No.

She's not his wife.

As far as I know.

Are you gonna talk to your mum?

I'm fine with my mum.

It's just, no. No, sorry, I'm not doing this.

I'm not talking about my mommy issues. I'll feel like a mug.

I mean, obviously I am a mug, but at least there's a chance

that I'm not that much of a mug.

I understand.

What's a mug?

Mug's like, like a clown.

You know, like a fool.

Mm.

So, if a guy would sit next to me and tell me,

"Oh, William, you think your story is so bad,

I've seen 200 people die in the sea, you are just a mug,"

what would I say?

By the way, I'm not a Chelsea fan either.

My t-shirt is from Baptiste.

And I learned English in a Christian school.

I mean, I watch American films too,

but uh, I learned English in that school.

All right. Maybe sometimes you can be a tiny bit of a mug.

Fries?

Two fries and two cokes.

It doesn't work.

Just two Cokes.

Give him two euro, please.

Let's go.

I'm finishing my drink, William.

- I - think we should go.

What's he doing?

What do you think?

What are they saying?

What do you think he's doing?

You have problem?

- Let's go. - Race view,

and a sprinkle of homophobia,

- is that it? - Yes. Let's go.

We're on the money.

Yeah man, I was just wondering who you were related to.

These your kids?

Or maybe you're their dad and their uncle and their brother.

Or maybe...

Gyllen, let's go.

Gyllen, let's go.

You're one big loving family. You're related.

Is that it?

Yeah. Come on, man, come on, man.

What the fuck are you gonna do? Come on.

Come on, have a go.

They attacked us.

You insulted them.

They insulted you, us.

I don't have a passport. I don't have anything.

I'm not welcome here.

I can't go looking for fights.

Well, I'm not gonna keep my mouth shut

when something like that happens to you,

or to me, or to any of us.

And you think you do that for me?

Because I don't need it.

I need you to be my friend.

That's all I need.

They can call me bad names, make stupid jokes,

or not look at me, pretending that I don't exist.

I don't care.

I care about other things.

That I can do something, that I can learn,

that I can do what I like, that I can become somebody

for my people and my family.

I need to make my risks small, not big.

I need to be calm, not crazy.

I need to be smart, not stupid.

What the fuck you on about?

Everything, every tiny thing, every big thing,

every fucking medium-sized thing that we have done

since the very first second we met

has been crazy, risky, stupid.

And that's what got us here.

We are literally team crazy, risky, stupid.

Hi.

Hey. I'm looking for my brother.

His name is Baptiste.

He's from Congo.

Are you a refugee?

No, no, no. I'm just looking for my brother.

But do you have like, papers?

Do you have a legal status to be here?

No.

I'm really sorry, you can't be in warehouse.

Yeah but he's just looking for his brother.

It doesn't matter.

We're having like, so many problems

with the French police right now.

They're looking for absolutely any excuse to shut us down.

And if you are in here, that's just another reason for them.

I'm really sorry.

Hello. Cheers.

Give that man the ticket.

Hello. How are you?

Do you have a ticket?

Do you know him?

No?

No?

That's right. He's Congolese, Congo.

No? No?

That's my big brother.

His name is Baptiste. He's from Congo.

Do you know him?

No.

No? No?

Did you saw him? That's my big brother.

No? No?

You don't know? Never saw?

- Hi. - Hi.

If you just come around this way.

All right. All right.

Hello Tom, how are you?

How are you?

Very good.

- You enjoy that, friend. - Good, thank you.

We go to the Congo distribution point after this.

You should probably head down there

if he want to try and find his brother.

There you go, man.

So they don't mix at all?

Just, different ethnicities, different cultures,

different places.

This is largely Afghans with a couple of Sudanese.

People kind of liked to stay amongst their own.

Some up here.

- All right. - All right.

Hey.

He's your friend?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's looking for his brother.

What?

This guy say it is very, very sweet.

Oh what, it's too sweet for him?

No. He likes that very much.

Oh, okay. Good.

You good?

He's not here.

Sorry, man.

Do you know how sad mama is?

Why have you never tried calling?!

Couldn't you have done that?

Are you out of your mind?

It's impossible. It is a problem for them.

You, you, you cannot stay in the bush with us.

It is not safe for you or for us.

Yeah well, then I can just sleep like,

200 fucking yards away.

Or we can get hotel.

I've still got Paul's credit cards.

Bring everybody, I don't care.

It's impossible.

Let's talk tomorrow.

Okay?

Okay?

All right.

Hey man, you need a place to stay?

Yeah.

One night he hurt himself when hiding under a truck.

His leg was broken.

He was in a lot of pain.

Before the accident he was strong.

Always dancing.

Always in a good mood.

But he has changed.

He started drinking and taking drugs.

To endure the pain.

He's not well.

Will you take him home?

Back to Congo?

Yes.

Hey, Alan.

- How you doin'? - Hey, Eric.

Cheers.

This is Gyllen.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - All right, Gyllen.

Still got that bunk in a back?

Yeah.

I think we still got a free room.

Yeah. Come in, man.

Hey. Speak English?

No?

What's a Taoistic story?

Huh?

You said that sometimes Lawrence

wanted that you talk about Arsenal,

or you read him a Taoistic story.

So,

this emperor has a guy who advises him

on what horses to buy.

Right?

One day he calls him.

He was like, "You know you're gettin' pretty old.

Who's gonna advise me on horses to buy when you're gone?

I hear your sons are pretty good."

The horse adviser shakes his head and says,

"My sons are pretty good.

They can tell a good horse from a bad horse.

But they can't tell a supreme horse,

a horse that raises no dust when riding at full gallop,

from a good horse.

I have a friend I think you should try out."

A few months later, the emperor calls this guy back.

He's like, "Yo, what the fuck?

This guy you sent me's a fucking idiot.

I asked him to get me a white stallion.

You know what the wanker sent back?

A fucking black mare.

He can't even tell the difference

between a horse's sex and color."

So the horse guy just shakes his head and smiles and says,

"Nah. Nah, that just means that he's even better than I am.

'Cause he's so in tune with the essentials

that he doesn't pay any attention

to any of the superficial aspects.

I ask you, try that horse."

So the emperor did.

And it was the best fuckin' horse he ever owned

in his entire life.

That's Taoistic story.

I would love to be able to tell a story like that.

I think my story,

the meaning will be that

you can follow your life,

follow your struggle,

but at the same time be, be somebody's friend,

or somebody's brother.

Even if you've never met him before.

It would mean everything for me to,

to say something that, that makes you understand that.

I love you.

Love you like you're my own brother.

Of course I'm not saying that I love you

like you're my own brother because

I know that you would not like that.

Fuck off.

Seriously. Fuck off.

Not doing any of that "it was nice to get to know you" shit.

Fuckin' leave me the fuck alone.

Okay.

Do you fucking understand?

Fuck!

Hey. Hey, hey.

Get the fuck off.

Off of me!

Leave me alone!

Sometimes I hate myself so much

I just don't know what to do.

What was the nicest thing Lawrence

would ever say to anybody?

"You made my day."

You know, with that really, really big smile.

No. No, you have to hold it for 20 seconds

for the endorphins to kick in.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

Twelve.

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

Twenty.

Let's take it out, measure it.

And, we need more men's stock than we do women's.

So unless it's like clearly feminine,

then we'll use it as men's.

Okay. You take the trousers.

Come in. Come on in.

So where are you?

We arrived in Paris.

We'll stay in the refugee center for a few days.

How's Baptiste?

He's good. Better.

When you going home?

We don't know yet. And you?

I think I'll stay for a bit.

I met this chef from London, he's like a proper good chef,

has his own fancy restaurant and everything.

Came out here to cook.

Sounds like a good guy.

Yeah, he is.

Good to hear your voice.

Yeah, you too.

You made my day.

You made my day.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull