Original subtitles

Boys, he has my phone.

AFTER SCHOOL

Joke, her name is Joke. Do you know her?

I don't. - She doesn't want the job.

So it's between me, Yvonne and Guus.

Yvonne is always pregnant and Guus is...

creepy. Right?

Who would want him as Deputy Principal?

Whatever. - That means more money too.

And I'll be at school every day, not four days a week.

Fun, right?

Sounds cool, your father as the Deputy Principal?

Daddy Cool.

Don't ever say that again. - Daddy...

I mean it.

Hey. No bicycles there.

Put that away, will you?

Bye, honey. Bobbie. Bob.

Okay, see you later.

Okay, okay, let's go. Hang on.

Melchior, look. Film this, yeah?

One, two.

Yes.

Leroy, pay up.

Van der Meulen.

Join me for a round. If you win you get the whole pot.

That’s not a very good precedent. - Are those shoes a good precedent?

Take my shoes, sir.

Those didn't get here by themselves.

Nice, this.

Suit yourself. It's all on your own time.

Joey.

Lionel, you chose a passage from Mozart's Magic Fl...

Joey. Quiet, everyone.

Hello?

You're not even in this class.

Hello, who are you? - Who, me?

Yes, you, with the glasses.

Kevin?

Sir? - Do you know who this is?

No, not really.

Is that a dog?

Bringing pets to school is absolutely not tolerated.

Isn't it? Everyone had a dog in my old school.

Glenda. - Listen.

We have a new student. This is Bastiaan.

Be nice to him, he's my nephew.

Bas, behave. Take those glasses off. - Yes, do.

He used to live with his father, but he's off to Mexico. In prison.

So now he lives with me.

Let's give him a warm welcome.

Welcome, Bastiaan.

I'll take that.

So, where were we?

Jesus. Who keeps doing that?

This is so not funny. Come on.

Don't look at that dumb stuff. - They keep tagging me.

So what. Remove your account.

You do it. - Why should I?

My dad is chill.

Who's the guy with Kevin? - Dunno.

Man, I was so hammered. Too many rum and Coke’s.

Damn, you always look so hot in the morning.

Cup of coffee. Ready to get down on whomever.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

Edwin?

Might I borrow one of your guitars for a first-grader?

Yes, of course.

I might have a guitar somewhere. Nice.

Does he play acoustic? I have some cool electric ones too.

Oh, Hannibal. That's not nice. No, it's not.

Sorry. He probably smells those sausage hands of yours.

Hey, tigers.

Jesus. You okay? - Yes, it's just a little warm.

Here. What do we say? - Sorry, Mr Van der...

Van der Muff? - Van der Meulen.

Get out of here.

Damn midget.

Why I should be the new Deputy Principal?

Well, as a DP, or Head of Security from now on...

Listen, Ed.

You didn't get the job.

We've decided to interview some external candidates.

External?

I published the vacancy when you came in.

Just now? - Yes. I'm sorry, Ed.

I watch that Ed’s Fun Time channel just like everyone else.

It'll never work that way.

Ed’s Fun Time channel?

Here.

This is just today.

They only do it with you.

Look, liked by my neighbour’s son. He’s not even enlisted here.

I couldn't help that, they put them in my drawer.

I can't have a deputy who makes my school look like crap.

No.

Thanks for your time.

See? This. This is how they get you.

Always so pathetic.

Give me a week. - What for?

To show that I can do it.

Give me until the school party.

Okay, but no more Ed’s Fun Time. No clowning. Can you do that?

Absolutely. 100%. - Cool.

If the stain won't come out, send that kid the bill.

It will come out. - And he can pay for the coffee too.

Don't stand for that behaviour.

It doesn't happen to you, does it?

No, not to me. You have to show them who's boss.

Let me help you.

So how do you do that? - What?

You know. The boss thing.

I can give you some tips if you like. - Yes.

What are you doing tonight?

He's having dinner, man. - Hey, chief.

Hey. Love your garden.

Yeah. - I wanted a garden, but...

It never happened. Too much hassle.

Hi. A familiar face.

Guys, you're early. We just started dinner.

Perfect. We got some sausages, organic ones.

You're vegan, right?

Sir, can I have a bowl please? This bag is...

Torn.

Whoa, wait.

Let's move this to the caravan.

Do you have a bowl there?

So. Welcome.

What a crack den.

Does someone sleep here?

Yes. I do.

Why?

For punishment?

Fighting with your wife? - No.

Where is your wife, anyway? - In Limburg.

On holiday? - No.

What are we doing exactly? - You wanted tips.

Yes, I also want to stay sober. - That's fine.

We're just having a few beers.

And that? - He's driving.

I only drink soda. - He'll drive me home.

All part of his internship.

Just one then.

Mate. Watch this. - He’s gonna hit a three-pointer.

Kids are driven by fear. They're all rabbits.

Rabbits. - Yes. And you're a rabbit too.

That's why they disrespect you. But you do have the biggest rabbit dick.

You just have to show it sometimes. - Big dick energy.

You need a big mental dick. - Right here.

Mental dick.

No, no. I'm not doing that. - Yes, you are.

Here goes. One, two.

It’s called bitter. - Melchior, leave the curtains alone.

I'd rather you didn't... No.

Picture the nastiest student in the whole school.

You and he, alone in a room. In school, fine.

No, just leave the... - And you can do what you like.

What would you do?

Well, I'd like to hit him. - Exactly. Hit him.

Here's what we'll do. - I really like your curtains.

No no, don't do that.

We'll just show you. Bam, bam. Hit it.

It looks really intense.

Hook. Liver. Liver.

And rest. Rest.

Now you. - Me?

Come on.

I. Am. The. Boss.

Say it. Say it. - I am the boss.

Bash his teeth in.

I am the boss.

You're fine, you're fine.

Back, back.

Doesn't matter. It's fine.

I’m okay. - We're okay.

Dammit.

What's wrong, sir?

Someone put a lock on my bike.

Oh, no. Who would do something like that?

Okay, very funny. I'd like to go home now.

Of course. But obviously you can't.

Really nasty, man. What a horrible experience.

Kevin, be quiet.

Seriously, why would anyone do this to you?

Open it, Bastiaan.

Maybe it's in your saddlebag?

I'm just trying to help. - Goddammit.

You too?

Open the lock.

Open the lock, Bastiaan. Final warning.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

Here. Pick a hand.

Go on. What do you care.

Hello.

WTF are you doing?

Am I bleeding? Am I?

Peter.

Take over, will you? - Sure.

That boxing thing was a metaphor, man.

You never hit kids. Ever. I thought you knew that.

You hit a kid? - Mind your own business, you.

You bald shitface. Can't you see he's having a bad day?

You okay?

Just a little headache. No concussion.

I lost a tooth. - See? He's fine.

Bastiaan. I'm really sorry. - Me too.

I was a bit annoying.

Shall I call Glenda? - No, she hates hospitals.

I'll just go home and tell her I fell or something.

Really? Are you sure?

Thanks.

That boy will respect you now. This works out perfectly, really.

Apart from me using violence, of course.

You got away with it. Because he respects you now.

So maybe we should, like, celebrate.

With some beers. That's what I say.

I happen to know a bar near here, so...

No. Some other time, okay? Just drop me off.

Ah. Sorry.

We're here.

I was no angel in school. I fought the whole class once.

The whole class. And I didn't lose.

Gosh. How awful.

No, man. I quit school then and worked on my soccer career.

A little setback can be just what you need.

Your wife left you, didn't she?

That sucks.

Long ago? - 18 months.

She went to do a meditation course.

And she had a hallucinatory drugs plant there.

Fun. And? - Then she left me.

Because of a plant?

Just because of that plant?

Honey.

Honey?

You know I don't like you touching my instruments.

Hey, man.

You alright?

Yes, because of a plant.

Look on the bright side.

If none of that had happened, we wouldn't be here now.

Drink up or you'll piss Martin off.

Selfie.

C to E, to D minor.

And C6 to B-flat.

Then A to C to F.

B-flat to F, B-flat to F.

B-minor, b-flat, C...

Hello everybody. I have an unpleasant announcement.

Yesterday one of our students was attacked in the basement.

Bastiaan, who joined our school this week, class 3C.

He lost consciousness and remembers nothing.

Really? That's terrible.

I'd love to chat with anyone who heard or saw anything.

Sorry. Apologies.

If you don't want to speak up now, I understand.

Come see me during recess or after school.

We'll have a cup of tea and discuss how this could happen.

And maybe who did it.

Kind of important, I should think.

I'm taking this seriously, not just because he's my nephew.

I won't grab you by the scruff of the neck and strangle you.

I'm just very curious how this went down...

and who did it.

Right.

Thanks, do continue your little music lesson.

Glenda.

Dear Mr Van der Meulen, please choose:

Tell ten jokes on the PA system

or run around the school naked with a sock on your dick.

Best of luck.

How do you draw a turd again?

Dude, you can't draw a fucking turd?

Hey. Come with me.

I don't know what you two...

...are thinking, but I'm not doing this.

No? - No.

You're lucky I'm not reporting you to Glenda.

What would that be like? I'm guessing she'd beat you to a pulp.

And kick you till you're dead. - I doubt it.

And that this clip will go so viral

that you will never teach again. Right?

Am I right? So ten jokes is like a fun alternative.

We're going to solve this the adult way. - No.

We're not.

We're going to have some fun, man.

Do you want a PlayStation? - Huh?

Kevin. Do we want a PlayStation?

Yeah.

No.

Come on. They're only jokes. I even wrote them down for you.

Then we're even. Awesome. I got class. You let me know.

Hi everyone. Welcome to Edwin Van der Meulen's jokes.

Joke one.

What does Edwin have in common with a worn-out guitar?

What the hell?

A greasy G-string.

G-string. He means his thong, you know?

Joke two. What do you have if you stick a clove of garlic up your...

Up your ass and leave it in for 48 hours without eating or drinking?

Still a better time than in Edwin's classes.

Joke three.

How much sperm can Edwin hold in his mouth...

Ladies. - Thank you.

Have you done this before? - Sure. It's not dangerous.

It just gives you a high-pitched voice. Your vocal chords go up.

That's helium. - No way.

For real.

Helium. What are you saying.

One, please. - Balloons are for 14 and older.

Here. - No, no fake ID. Next.

Maurits, get an extra. This blowbag’s being difficult.

Say what now?

What did you say? - Blowbag.

What? - Blowbag.

Don't say blowbag, weird little kid. Run along.

Are you the spokesperson?

Tell me, why is 14 the minimum age?

What loser came up with that? Did you do research?

You better fuck off now or I'll yank that silver tooth of yours out

and put it in my pocket, right?

Then it's my tooth forever. Weirdo.

I'll clear off now because you smell of egg, mate.

Don't be so fucking tough, dude. - Go brush your teeth, egg man.

Dammit.

Hey, idiots. Selling drugs to kids? - So?

Bunch of nutters. - You’re a nut. Nutty old man.

Shame on you. - Shame on your ugly coat.

Everybody, move it. Come on. Off you go, or I'll call the police.

I can't hear you. You look silly, talking to no one. Later.

Come on, boys. - Bobbie. Leave that.

Get in. Come on.

Can't you see they're criminals? - I just wanted a chill day.

Chill? Destroying your brain is chill?

Leave that mirror alone, it's my only one.

Your grades are dropping already. - So fucking what?

I hate school, and you make it worse with your moronic jokes.

Watch your language. And school doesn't have to be fun, it's meant...

Just change the subject again. - I’m not changing it.

Your very existence makes me look like crap.

Dear Mr Van der Meulen.

Here's a shopping list for my party this weekend.

Three bottles of vodka, two gin, two rum

and some white wine for the ladies.

Mobile phones on the table.

On the table.

Jesus Christ.

WTF?

That's right.

Peter is on Team Eddie now. And Eddie is on Team Peter.

Now fuck off. No, those are mine.

With a hammer, really? - Now you can relax.

I'd rather have deleted those clips. They'll have backups online.

Maybe. But now they're scared shitless. They're done.

Trust me, it's over.

A classic case of fire with fire.

So. Grab a beer?

No, I don't feel well. - Friday only comes round once.

No it doesn't.

Bro, my mother will be so mad. - So what. You're not a pussy, are you?

No, but you don't know what she's like.

I'm off. See you tomorrow. Bring bitches to the party.

What do you mean, bitches?

We were playing Call of Duty today. - Call of Duty is a boomer game, man.

No way. It's fucking intense.

Intense and exciting.

What's your username?

What? - I play Call of Duty a lot.

Seriously? A girl playing CoD?

You think that's exciting? - Sexy, sexy.

Is this sexy too for you? - No.

Kevin fucks your ass.

My username.

With a low dash between Kevin and fucksyourass.

Okay.

Just testing the zipper now.

Damn.

What the hell are you doing?

oh no, it's Edwin

Stop it. Idiot. Get out of here.

Okay, sorry. My bad.

Dad, fuck off. - Do you think I'm stupid?

The whole house smells like pot. - Please go away.

That boy is no good. - Fuck you.

No, listen. Your mother totally lost it precisely because of this.

More bullshit. - It's not.

I let things go on way too long with that weird shaman. No more.

You’re saying Kevin’s a shaman? You're such a fucking moron.

Shut it. You're grounded.

No. I have a really important party tomorrow.

You're not going.

I'm sorry. Take my pot instead. - I sure will.

No. - And turn that fucking noise off.

Look who it is.

Aw, shit.

8 to 1. - This is my last game, alright?

Then we'll play darts.

By the way, I'm chatting with that language teacher.

With the big knockers. She's suddenly texting me.

Lovely.

Yes, she's funny. Kind of male sense of humour. I like it.

Loser grabs the beers, by the way.

Where's your bin? - Chuck it in the hole out in the yard.

So what do you do when it's full?

I cover it up and dig a new one.

I'M GETTING HOT - ME TOO

YOUR TURN

Isn't that more work than taking the trash out?

Peter?

Okay, just one round.

How do we score this again?

Everything okay? - Yes, yes, great.

HOUSE PARTY TOMORROW

Jesus Christ. - What?

He does have a backup. I knew it. I told you.

Who cares? It's no big deal. It's fine.

It's not like he has your dick pic.

What does that mean? - A figure of speech. Just...

Yuck, now he sends me a really nasty penis.

Hey, what fun. No stress. My aunt is out for the night.

Got everything?

Here. Some extras even. - Super.

Come in. I have something for you too.

I was looking for things for the Dick Olympics

and I found these beauties.

Here you go.

Put them on.

Excuse me?

Oh, shit. Didn't I tell you about the Dick Olympics?

No, you didn't.

You think we're going to clown around for your...

You halfwit. You clumsy fucking halfwit.

Baby, did he hurt you?

You put these suits on right now or I will tell everybody

that you showed your dirty little willy to a minor.

And that you beat up a kid.

So, the Dick Olympics. Awesome, right?

There’s different competitions. You’re up against each other.

Don't worry, it's anonymous. Our little secret.

Get him. Yes, get him.

Where were you?

Having a beer with friends.

At Peter's.

At the Dick Olympics?

No. - Do you get off on that?

Dressing anonymously as a dick at a kids' party?

Yuck, don't be gross. You should be in bed.

I called Mum. After the summer I'm going to live with her.

Here. Read this.

Dear clown and acrobat. Thanks for a splendid evening.

Here's your next task: bring two tanks of laughing gas and balloons

to the school party. Peace, Queen B.

Queen B. He means Beyoncé.

What's he doing here?

Melchior? He's on our side, man.

No stress, man, I know everything.

I told him everything, so... - This feels wrong.

This gives me a panic attack.

He's helping us. Show him the screen.

See, this is you. I photoshopped it.

He photoshopped all our colleagues in the nude.

So we’re all screwed.

Here's Daniel.

And the other ones? - This is Glenda.

That's her pussy.

Sorry, how will this help us?

Ed, calm down. He's silent as the grave.

Or he'll fail his internship.

Laughing gas is not an option. - No.

We need a full-on attack now.

You have to destroy the little boy in him.

He is a little boy, but there's an even smaller boy inside him.

Sorry, you've lost me now.

We're men, but we also have a little boy inside of us.

Everyone has that. A little baby, inside.

You have to make his little baby cry. Inside of him.

Oh, sure. How?

That kid is done crying. He's dead inside.

He only cares about his stupid dog.

Crazy Eddie.

Shouldn't we park further down? - Give it a minute.

That old guy is watching us.

The elderly always look out the window. He can't even see us.

How do you know that? Why is he looking straight at us?

Look, look.

Good girl.

Duck.

Sorry. I can't duck.

Okay. We'll be back in two.

If something happens, call. Focus.

Come on then.

Wait right here.

Here, here.

Grab him. Go on.

Take him, take him.

What are you doing?

He's gone in.

Yes, I can see that.

Go on, get in there. - I'm not breaking in.

That's not the deal. - The halls have ears.

The walls, man. - What?

Cool it. This is all your fault. Crawl through the cat flap.

I'll never fit. - You make everything so hard.

Peter?

You need help with the cigarette?

Take some out, it’s too full. Just a little.

Too much.

Need less.

No. No, still too much.

I don't know what you're doing.

No. Look at the...

Look at... No, don't look at me. Look at the shit.

You're just licking the tobacco now.

Goddamn shit dog.

Peter. Come here. - Shit dog.

Bas? Are you home already?

Bastiaan.

You're not skipping classes, are you?

Open up, I need my pills.

Also nice.

You're walking Hannibal today. Hop to it, go on.

Glenda and Bastiaan are home. - No, they've left. Come on.

Hannibal.

What's up, boy?

What have you got there?

RING DOORBELL

Something under the bed?

No, don't put it in your mouth yet.

You have no lighter? Not even a fucking lighter?

RING DOORBELL NOW - COMING BRO

Hannibal. Stay.

Pete, come on. - Coming.

Like professionals, eh guys.

Man. That was close.

I'll get out in a sec if that's okay.

I play table tennis right here.

Wait. Guys.

So, I notice every time you take a bite, your foot comes off the pedal.

You're doing great, but shall we stop so you can finish that?

No need, I'll throw it out.

We'll pick it up later.

Hey, a broken wing mirror. That's not right.

Let's have a chat. Press the button?

Look, look. Shit.

Okay, stay calm. Do as they say.

They don't know anything.

Everything's fine. - No, floor it. Go.

Drive, drive. Keep going.

No, I'm here now. Other side.

Shit. Which way did they go?

Next road, left at the end. This next street.

Then the Diemendammerstreet and dump the car.

I don't know that word. - Diemendammerstreet?

I don't know where that is. - I'm telling you now.

After Diemendammerstreet you... - Don't Google Maps me, say left or right.

What does that matter? - Diemedamme... I dunno.

My car got stolen.

It just disappeared.

Edwin Van der Meulen.

Yes. Car theft.

So when did you start your internship?

About three years ago.

Three and a half maybe.

Good morning.

Does Edwin Van der Meulen live here? - Yes.

Would you get him? We want a word. - Okay.

Can we come in? - Sure.

Have you found anything?

Certainly. We gave chase, but they drove like lunatics.

It's a Kangoo Sport, of course. Anyway, we checked it out.

We linked the car to a burglary on the Gachel Road.

Burglary and dognapping, actually. - Dognapping?

And burglary. - It happens.

But this time the thieves were seen.

Apologies. - No worries.

Someone was home. An 11-year-old girl.

She described them really well to me.

Two men, a fat one and a thin one.

She made eye contact with the fat one.

So I was able to make sketches.

Charcoal sketches.

Can I see?

Really scary guys.

Yeah.

That one looks a bit like you.

Let me see.

Oh, yeah. It's true.

Hands up, dog thief.

Dog thief.

Bad man.

Dickhead.

No, we're thinking Eastern Europeans. Hungarians, Albanians.

Romanians. Bulgarians. That kind of thing.

With all due respect, of course.

This will be your home, little cutie.

Hey. Why didn't you tell me?

Since when do you walk in without...

Idiot. The police just told me you made eye contact with that girl.

Yes.

I didn't want any unnecessary panic. - Unnecessary?

Calm down. You're scaring the dog.

Get inside with it or you'll be seen. Moron.

Enough.

Hello, dear friend. Do I have your attention?

I want Hannibal back within 24 hours or my sister and I will go to the police.

And forget the laughing gas, I want 100 XTC pills for the school party.

Are you writing this down, motherfucker?

Or I'll fuck you over so hard you won't even like it anymore.

What's he saying? - I'll visit you in prison

every time I feel like fucking dirty old men.

That must be pretty often. - Fuck you, man. Fuck you.

I'll tell my sister exactly who you are. - He wants XTC pills.

I'll bash your head in instead.

You think I'm joking? Fine.

You will also get me...

100 grams of cocaine.

Piss off, you little shit.

I think you're losing it a little bit.

I have something of yours. If you go to the police, I'll lose everything.

Do you think your dog will be safe?

You crossed the line, boy. All bets are off.

Here's the deal. You stop this.

Or I kick your dog into the canal in a plastic bag.

You have until tomorrow to formally apologise. Wanker.

We're not hurting this animal.

He doesn't know that. He'll back off.

You hope.

The kid is mental. We'll just get some weak pills to give them.

Of course not. We're not giving all those young kids XTC.

Hannibal.

Aw, shit.

Shit. - You're incredible.

Thanks a lot.

I should never have asked you for help.

What's so funny?

You don't mean that.

Don't I?

You are a 100% negative influence on my life.

We had fun, right?

You did. You had fun.

I spent every second with you involuntarily.

Just like that fucking weird intern of yours.

He’s on the spectrum, man. That's not okay.

Moron.

Melchior. Have you seen Peter? - No, man.

That's the thing with threesomes, it's fun but also hassle. You know?

‘Give me attention. No me.’ but who is this for, right?

You have a thing here.

Dude got wrecked by a chick.

I would like to apologise for all the things I did.

I hope you'll be okay.

You look a little sad, like.

What band is this?

This is ancient. I'm using this now.

Oh, right. Much cooler. Yeah.

Are you okay?

Listen. - Kevin told me everything.

Those fuckers.

That Bastiaan especially.

I can beat him up for you if you like.

No, that's very sweet but... - Why not?

He sure deserves it. - Fighting fire with fire is

not nice.

Do you really want to move to Limburg? - No.

How would you feel about me giving up teaching altogether?

Pretty good.

What would you do instead? - Well...

Am I really that awful to have around?

A lot of kids call you the butthole.

Sorry?

You're always so... so...

You could be more...

I feel like ice cream.

Received today at 6:01 PM.

Ed, listen. I've had it. You don't like me, that's fine.

No problem. But I do like you. So I'm taking the blame for all of this.

Fuck, I'll do this for you, but in my own way.

And the great thing is:

I'm going to beat that Bastiaan to a pulp.

Out of the way.

Tonight. On the dance floor.

Let him put that online. Let him.

He's messing with the wrong guy.

Peter? Pete.

Who is Pussyboy?

Just a bro.

Yes?

This is nasty for both of us, right? - Right.

So, I'll return your dog and that's the end.

Okay. You give Hannibal back unharmed, and I'll stop.

And I'll forget the cocaine.

Very good. Yes.

But.

I still want the pills. 100. Otherwise no deal.

Bastiaan. You know I can't do that.

100 pills or no deal.

10. - 50.

25.

Deal. - Okay.

But you keep your word, you skunk.

Hannibal.

fuck da cops, fuck school

take a bitch from behind

her tits are like blunts I want to suck them

tastes like grapes

No, no. Tits and blunts don't go in one sentence.

That shit is separate.

Don’t judge my poetry.

Faka, boys.

25 XTC pills please.

Whoa. Daft Punk gonna partay?

We're honest businessmen. Go away.

Hey, piss off. - Move it, pal.

Oh, papi is serious.

Welcome to my storage.

How’d my car get here? - Koos, you shithead.

Lose the Pokémon cards already.

Jokers, wanna join me or what?

Hurry, man.

No, no. Helmets off first.

Take them off.

I'm afraid we can't. - Say what? You can't?

I'm not doing business unless I can see your ugly face.

That shit is rude.

Sadly you'll have to make an exception. This involves a lot of money.

Okay, okay.

You're that dude from school.

It's the butthole.

Check out this fucking old geezer sitting on my couch.

Bitch ass pensioner, get the fuck out of here.

Can we get down to business please? - No.

Who's that? Who are you? - Melchior, man.

Melchiorman? - No, just Melchior.

I'm an intern. Not with him.

With someone else.

You guys are so weird. But anyway, no pills.

I can do balloons for you. - Laughing gas. Good for the brain.

No, sorry guys. I can't take no for an answer.

I'll pay good money, so...

Papi, you're getting annoying, right?

Get the hell out and forget what you saw here. Start walking.

Okay, okay.

We'll go.

But let me have a balloon.

All of us. I want to know what the hype is all about.

No harm in a balloon. - A small one.

A small balloon.

Okay, let's go.

Come on, come on.

How does this work? - It's automatic. Just press.

Peter. Wait. - Piss off.

Leave me alone. Just piss off. - Wait.

I have a plan. Look.

It will all be fine tonight. After this we call the police.

Are those real? - Yes.

Come on. Let's go.

Here we go again. Get them drinks on. Shake that booty, shake that ass.

Get down to the floor. DJ Ricky Geng Geng in the house.

Fuck you.

6, 15, 18.

That's not 25, is it.

It's more than enough.

Look, I'd like nothing better than to take this and delete the clips.

But this was not the deal. - Shut the fuck up, asswipe.

One final favour.

You all take one right here with me.

No. No, no. Out of the question.

Let him finish. - It's bullshit.

You don't have enough pills but you give three to us?

Makes sense. So you won't snitch me to Glenda.

And I can delete everything, right now, from the cloud.

Yeah, right. A pill of faith.

Right.

I don't normally do hard drugs, but

if you do it, I will.

There. Told you. He's dealing at a fucking school party.

That man is dirty. Come on. - Wait.

Look.

The little dude is boss.

It's that little rat. - What?

He called you pancake man.

He did not. He called me fucking egg man.

Fuck his mother, let's go.

Yes. Whaddup?

"Whaddup." You're eyeing my school from your shady car.

Go and do that elsewhere. - Not doing anything wrong, ma'am.

No? Want me to punch you?

Clear off, I said.

Weasily cunt.

Crazy bitch. - What did you say?

Come on, let's dance. - Yes, great.

It's three cups of coffee, that's all.

No, I refuse. - It'll all be over.

That's right.

Three cups of coffee. - That's all it is.

Tops.

That’s it.

Don't chew it. Gross.

Now we'll delete some stuff.

See? Your willy pics. Select.

Your abuse video. Select.

Your fancy dress party. Select.

Remove. It's gone from the cloud. Over. Shut up.

Come on, let's party.

Bam.

DJ Geng Geng in your twat, let's go.

Hello. I'm seeing XTC dealing at the school party.

Lots of kids here. Young kids.

Yes, I want you to break up this party.

Dammit.

Remco, you old jerkwad. This is the awesome surprise video.

Play it on the beamer exactly at midnight, yeah?

Midnight. Thanks, tiger.

Little bro. Here.

What is that? - You know what it is, my man.

Down it with your coke. - No, thanks, I'm good.

What are you, a pussy?

I guess. - Okay. Enjoy your kiddie cola.

Boys. Quit kissing for a sec. Here, you'll love it.

X?

No, man. Another time.

This ain't no Thunderdome.

Hey, Bastiaan, right? I hear you're handing out pills.

Yes. Do you know people who want one?

Sure. They all think you're so cool. - What?

That's what you want, isn't it?

No one wants your shit, you sad loser. Bye.

Hey, our lifesaver.

Yeah man, you are ace. We won thanks to you.

Won? We brought drugs to this party.

A kids' party. - I dig you, man.

The police will come and you can stop worrying.

Go home and relax. I'll keep an eye on this.

Really? - Sure.

I have it under control. My head is completely clear.

4K, full HD, you know?

Three-dimensional.

Look, no one can see my eyes. So no one knows.

Okay, something's wrong.

Can someone take these fucking bubbles away? Come on.

Seriously.

DJ Geng Geng, straight from Ibiza. We fucking love you.

I never go to the staff room. I can't relate there.

One coke please, ma'am.

Wayo. Coke, man. So, what...

Move it.

Let’s go.

Glenda is looking for you, man. Not to scare you...

but Bobbie snitched on you.

Glenda knows you've got pills.

Just giving you a heads-up.

Bro, can you understand a word I'm saying?

Sure, but what are you doing with that lame chick?

Fuck you, man, she's chill.

Boys. I spotted the little rat.

Hey, little ho. - Coño. Come here. Get that out.

Get it out, bitch. - Get fishing, shithead.

Good evening. - Ma'am.

We got a call. Pretty serious.

There are hard drugs deals going on in this building.

You think? It's called a prank call. Happens every day.

Well, ma’am.

I can assure you, this is the safest school around.

Not so tough now, eh?

Darius, take his pants off. - Why?

It's fun. - Funny.

That's not funny at all. - I think it is.

Okay bro, take your pants off.

Pants off.

Why don't you join the teachers' band?

Seriously. Join the band. - Join?

The Daltons. - No, it's called The Teachers.

Do you play an instrument? - No. Yes.

It doesn’t matter, the Daltons are here. The balloon boys.

I don't get it. - Balloon boys. The Daltons.

That's extremely worrying.

The Daltons are here. - So who the fuck are The Teachers?

That's us. - Us?

You too, if you play an instrument. - No, but listen.

Yes. Some more of that, please. Now shake that ass a bit.

Good, good. - Now go like this with your hands.

Like a butterfly. - Butterfly, bitch.

And make a butterfly noise.

That's a pigeon, nerd.

Now who's the egg man, eh? Listen.

If you ever give me trouble again, this goes online, little bitch.

Okay, I stole from those boys but I didn't mean to.

I'll just explain it and pay them. - Good plan, Eddie.

So we'll find those guys and meet here. Right here.

Ma'am, I'll ask you one last time, but then

we'll have to arrest you. - And stick you in the van.

Okay, you can come in.

But only together with me, and I have to pee first.

Hey, can you stay with these officers for a sec?

Hi, I'm Melchior. - Chilonka.

Bram.

Is that a gun? - Whoa. Don't.

Hey. - Jackass.

What happened?

Where are your clothes?

They filmed me.

Who?

Those guys? - Yes.

Come on. Sit up. Take a deep breath.

Very good.

I'm sorry.

What?

It's just hard.

What is?

Dunno. Just...

School.

I think it's hard too.

Wait, I'll give you my clothes. I'll deal with those boys for you.

Shit. What time is it?

Exactly eleven.

Because at twelve... - No, wait. It's 5 to 12.

Those hands are a bit difficult right now.

Shit.

Melchior. Switch the beamer off, everything will be shown in five minutes.

I'm going after the Daltons. Take the beamer out. Do it.

Hi, hello.

Is it okay if I leave? - Feel free.

I'm guessing he had a few beers.

I usually don’t date minors, but I can make an exception.

What's your number? - I don't have a phone.

Seriously? A pretty girl like you?

I can buy you one. What do you want, iPhone, Huawei?

Anything, really. - Okay, what's your address?

That’s my phone. Come here.

Yo, school party. DJ Ricky Geng Geng in your mom.

Ed. Come here.

I'm in pretty good shape really.

Might be the adrenalin, but wow.

Someone tell me right now what the fuck is going on here.

How is he so fucking fast? - How are you so slow?

I'm not. - Come on, hurry.

There they are. The three filthy piglets.

Are you talking to us? - No, man.

I'm talking on the phone to your mothers. Group chat.

Hey, get back. - Get em.

Listen. You mess with Eddie, you mess with me.

Stab him.

Dammit. Right.

Good. Give us a kiss like the little slut you are.

Wave your hands. Like a butterfly.

Butterfly, bitch. - Make butterfly noises.

Not so tough now? - Just a joke.

I just say what I think.

Turn off the beamer. - What?

The beamer. Turn it off. - I'm the DJ, I don't know that shit.

But it’s part of the thing. Don’t you have like a...

Get off. - It's important.

WTF is this?

I just talk rubbish...

Let's get him.

Stab him in his leg.

Get off. - Get up there.

He has shit on his shoes. Help me. - Koos, stab him. Now.

Now there's shit on this ladder. It’s covered in shit.

Easy now. No panic. Everybody out.

Who did that?

Help. - Chilonka, the gym. Move.

Get your knife, you moron, and stab him.

Stab him. Wipe the shit on the wall.

Or scrape it off, on the radiator, like. - Stab him.

Now you can stab him. Go on.

Climb around the left and jab. - Help me.

No, we'll come up later. I don't want shit on my hands.

Koos. It's only poo. Stab him.

Help.

Give me the power, give me the strength.

Drop your weapons. On your knees. Empty your pockets, now.

The other one’s got a knife.

All your pockets.

Good job, Chilonk. Pretty soon you won't need me.

Say sorry. Say sorry.

How did all this happen? You were doing so well.

I thought you'd made friends at last.

I just screwed up.

I...

I stole some drugs from those boys.

And he saved me.

Is that true, Ed?

Were they the same guys as in the school basement?

Yes.

Bloody hell.

Shall I give you a moment alone?

Not so fast.

The elephant in the room first. Why do you both have eyes like planets?

Well, that's... Yes, it's because...

I drugged him. - Goddammit.

Alright, forget it. Jesus. I don't even want to know.

If you can take all this to the grave, so can I.

Now piss off.

Get home as fast as you can. Ed.

Get your hand out of the fish tank.

I'm going, I'm going.

Arrest the fucking music teacher selling drugs to kids.

LOL. Desperate.

Bram. We found that stolen car round the back.

The green Renault with one wing mirror.

Filled with laughing gas.

So, that's solved.

Great night, man. Fucking nice. Fun.

Yeah, man. - Fun. What shall we do next?

What are you wearing?

Luckily I have wine gums.

Thanks.

Is there actual wine in wine gums? - Absolutely.

Glenda asked me as Deputy Principal. - Congratulations, G.

Something magical is happening there.

Look how cute.

He's got balls. The DP's daughter.

I don't think I'll do it. - What?

Take the DP job.

Crazy Eddie.

Daniel. Loser.

That was awesome. - Crazy Eddie.

Kevin. I have a pump if you like.

I can manage.

Sure? - Yeah, man.

Okay. Sleep tight. - Good night.

everything sounds nice with this machine

so very nice

everything sounds nice with this thing, so nice

Lionel take your cap off thank you

you're welcome sir so nice

have a nice holiday everybody

You have that gift voucher, right? - No, you.

Excuse me. Attention, please.

You guys.

Melchior, my amazing intern, will be leaving us.

Melch, dude. You were not just an intern...

but a friend, a brother, a son, an accomplice.

We had three fantastic years.

Three and a half. - It's okay, man.

And...

Now you're becoming a professional tabletennis player.

Eddie and I will definitely come see you for a few beers.

Cheers.

I didn't know you were so good at ping pong.

When did you practise? - Usually before school.

Honey, can I borrow you? - Sure.

I didn't know that either.

Fabulous. Getting hammered in the morning.

We deserve it. What a shitty year. - Absolutely.

Have I introduced you to my niece? This is Tess.

She's Bastiaan's sister. She'll start school here in the fall.

Well, say hello. - Hi.

Glenda, can I have a word? - Of course.

I'll leave you with these two nice men.

That intern, Melchior.

I just tried to reformat his internship laptop.

Have a look.