Original subtitles

Please have a seat.

Imagine you know I brought you in here.

Actually, I don't.

You were caught leaving the store without paying for your groceries.

Oh, really, was I? Yeah. According to who?

According to all my employees.

Why do they think that?

Because you walked out without paying.

No, I didn't, actually.

Do you have a receipt?

Absolutely, I do.

Can you show me? Yeah, it's in my purse.

Well, it must have fallen out somewhere.

Okay.

Did you use a credit card or cash?

It was cash.

Okay.

Well, my cashiers have duplicates of the receipts. And?

Well, I'll go back right now and check with them and see if you're telling the

truth or not. Cool. Do that.

All right.

Mind you, we have cameras all around here.

Okay.

Okay, I checked with all my cashiers and none of them have a record of you

buying anything.

Okay.

So if you can't show me a receipt, I'm going to have to call the cops and

them that you're shoplifting. Cool, call the cops. You're going to look stupid.

Do you have ID on you?

Why is that any of your business?

Because this is my store.

But you're not a real cop.

That has nothing to do with anything.

Yeah, it does actually. I'm loss prevention here. Good for you. I know my

rights. Your rights are to cooperate or I call the cops. Then call them. All

right.

Seriously? You're really going to call the cops?

Absolutely. About groceries?

I don't care what it is.

It's groceries.

I'm trying to eat. It could be a stick of fucking gum. It could be a stick of

gum.

Trying to eat? Pay for it. You take your job so seriously, don't you? I do. I

do. All right.

Okay, you're really going to call the fucking cops? Are you serious? I am.

Don't call the fucking cops.

Well, then give me your information.

What information do you want? I want your name and address.

The receipt is just lost.

Do you realize how stupid you're going to look when I find the receipt?

You give me your name and address, and we can resolve this.

If you find the receipt, then fine.

My name is Sandy Lane, and I live at 4426 Sandy Lane Boulevard.

All right, well, this sounds like bullshit.

You can't bullshit a bullshitter.

Did you think about that line all day?

Yeah.

It's in my job description.

No bullshit.

Really? Seems like you have a lot of time on your hands.

No, I don't.

I don't have time to put up with this shit.

So either give me your name and address and cooperate, or I call the cops.

And they're going to be a lot less fucking friendly.

Those are my options?

Those are your options.

You don't look like you need to steal.

What does that mean?

Well, I catch a lot of these bored housewives stealing when they don't need

It's like some sort of thrill.

That's what I look like to you? A bored housewife? I have no idea.

But you don't look like you're hard up. Somehow you pay for all these tattoos.

I think it's so funny that you really think I put that much energy into

groceries.

For fun.

That's the weirdest thing I've ever done. I can't explain the actions of

All I can do is deter them from doing...

Stuff that I don't want in my store.

In your store?

Yes. You own the store now. No, but I run shit around here.

Okay, okay. You run shit. I'm in charge.

Okay, you run shit. You're in charge.

So at this point, it's either I call the cops or you cooperate.

And they're going to be a lot less friendly. Cooperate meaning what?

Give me your information.

In fact, at this point, I may have to search you.

Really? Search me for what?

For...

Weapons. Weapons with mass destruction on me and my tiny little purse?

No.

But anything else you might have taken from the store?

Groceries. You think I have a salami hidden in my pants? I have no idea what

have hidden in your pants.

Oh, you're not going to find out either.

All right, then the cause will.

Fuck!

My name is Vanessa.

Vanessa Vega.

I live in L .A.

What more do you want?

I want to know why you're taking things from my store.

What exactly are you going to do?

I'm going to prosecute you if I find things missing. So if you're going to

prosecute me, why wouldn't I just let the cops come?

Is that what you want to happen?

It seems like it's the same outcome either way.

Well, maybe.

I mean, you cooperate, maybe I'll let you go.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

If you have none to hide, why don't you stand up and let me search you?

The sooner we get it done, the sooner you can leave.

You want to look at my purse? Look at my purse.

It's a pin.

Not stolen from your store. I promise.

See there, I can search you or the cops are going to.

One way or another, you're getting searched.

I don't see why you have to touch me to make a point.

It's not about touching you. It's about seeing if you took things out of my

store. Bullshit. Do you have a female that can do this? No, I'm the head of

department. Oh, my God. What do you want? You want me to take my shirt off?

Is that what you want?

That'll make it easier.

Look.

Oh, look.

I fucking stole some bread, man. It's in my shirt. Like, seriously?

Come here. Turn around.

Turn around where?

Just right there.

Sure, I'm good.

Watch your hands!

Dude, seriously?

Are you kidding me?

You can't tell me this isn't in the name of loss prevention, this is groceries.

There you go.

It's a belly button ring.

Yeah, that's not where it's beeping.

What's metal like it? Do you think I'm going to steal some cans? These are

cans. No.

Some water is by every inch of me, sir.

Yeah, and it's buzzing right here.

It's called a belly button ring.

I'm not even belly button. Oh, my God.

What, is that like a play one? Like, is this funny to you?

You know, this would be much easier if you just take off your pants and let me

check.

Are you serious?

Yeah. The quicker we get it done, the quicker you can leave.

I can go back to doing my thing.

Can you, like, just not look at me? Can you turn?

It's just you and me. You don't need to watch me undress.

Actually, I do.

Really? Why's that?

Make sure you don't pocket something somewhere else.

Because this is such luxury merchandise.

That's you in here, didn't it?

Groceries is not the same as some cheap flip -flops.

Oh, you want to look at my pants now?

I do.

They're cute, aren't they?

Yeah, where'd you steal them?

That's a good one.

Look.

Nothing.

You just looked in there.

Yeah, there still could be something hiding.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'm going to need you to take these off.

I don't fucking think so. Call the cops.

All right.

They're going to be a lot less friendly about this. Really? You think the cops

are going to be okay with you searching me in my underwear at a grocery store

security?

Before them doing it.

Really? You want that?

So it's the same shit?

No, before them. What exactly do you want to look at? There's nothing.

Like, there's nothing.

I don't know that.

It's like literally like I'm in prison right now.

I wouldn't know about that.

I'm sure you wouldn't, sir.

What do you want? What do you want me to do?

You want me to take them off?

Oh, my God.

What are you going to smell? My underwear?

It's a fucking thong. Look.

You might want to cope in the padding and see what's in there.

You don't have to touch me.

You have to touch me.

Dude, seriously?

Stop.

At this point, we usually do a cavity search.

You're joking, right? No, I'm not.

This is a fucking nightmare. You're kidding me.

You're going to search my ass?

No, your vagina.

That's not what cavity search means.

Yeah, it does.

Maybe according to you, sir.

I'll just get this over with.

What? I'm just... What do you want?

Dude.

Are you kidding me?

We're almost done. Hold on.

So are you... Your feet... Fingering me now.

Aren't you supposed to wear gloves for this? This is disgusting.

I'm fresh out.

So maybe we should call the cops and have them bring their gloves. If you

before them doing this, you'll sit in jail for at least eight hours before

even call your name.

If it's a weekend, you'll spend an entire weekend in there.

So what? You said before that you would let me go and now you're saying the cops

are a given?

Well... I did catch his feeling.

According to you.

I mean, I can call the cops, prosecute, or we can work something else out.

Dude, you're kidding.

No.

What do you mean work something else out?

You're very correct.

I just want to go home.

Well, make this easy.

Want to go home or want to go to jail?

I just want to go home.

So what are you willing to do?

Get this over with quickly.

Then you're on your way.

Get what over with?

You know.

No, I don't know.

For a girl like you.

I know her way of getting out of trouble.

You're so fucking pathetic, dude.

This is really how you think this is going to go?

It's either that or get arrested and jail.

Be a lot less friendly there.

At this point, I don't know what I want to do.

You're going to make up your mind quick.

So, like, be clear. Like, what exactly is it that you want me to do?

Well, it's either a couple of cuts or, you know, anything, dude.

Something other to work this off. Like what? Like your dick or something?

That'd be a start.

You're fucking insane.

Well, it's either that or I call the cops and... Right now, I'm going to go

a look at the footage and you can sit here and think about it.

It's either that or go to jail.

So, you let me know.

All right, so I reviewed the footage.

My employees and I all saw that you left the store with those groceries and

didn't pay.

So you have those two options.

It's either what we discussed or I call the cops and send you to jail. Can I put

my clothes back on, please?

What's your decision?

I want to put my clothes on. I want to go home.

It's either do what we talked about or I call the cops and you go to jail.

So I'm calling the cops and you're going to jail.

Come on, please.

Why do you have to be like this?

I don't like thieves.

I'm not a thief.

You've got a whole store that says you are.

They're fucking liars.

Can you just stop? Can we just... Can we just pretend like it's never happened

and go?

I pay you for the stuff. I have cash in my car.

You should have paid for it to begin with.

So you're saying I can't pay for it.

I feel like that's illegal.

You're the one that says you can't pay for it. You walked out without paying

it. I didn't say that, actually. You're saying that.

You don't have, you did not pay for anything.

According to you.

And all my employees. I can go, I'll pay you twice then. I'll go to my car and

I'll get my cash and I'll pay for it again.

Tell it to the judge.

Can you just stop?

Dude, fine.

Like, you want me to fucking suck your dick? Like, whatever.

Like... Like, this doesn't say anything about me. Like, this says everything

about you.

Like, if this is the only way that I'm going home, then fine.

Okay.

Okay.

I can't fucking believe this.

Sooner we get done singing, go home.

We can go about our lives.

Can I just have a minute, please?

Time's ticking.

What, do you have to go home or something to your fucking cat?

I gotta keep an eye on the rest of the store so people like you don't come in

and take from me.

Well, there's not some other fucking guy with your fucking prestigious job that

can do it.

What you got nothing to say now?

Yeah, call the cops.

Wanna get this over with? Stop, dude.

Just put the phone down.

I already said I would do it. I don't know what you want from me.

So what are you waiting for?

I need you to change your attitude.

Yeah, I'm helping you out here.

You want to fill any record? You want to go to jail?

I can't lose my job, dude.

You'll be lucky to get one after this.

Everybody's going to fucking know this.

It's going to be all over my fucking social media, dude.

Nobody has to know.

It's just you and me in here.

You get this over with, you can go on your way.

All right, you call the cops, and then people will know.

How are you even doing this here?

Like, aren't people watching on the security cameras?

I'm the one watching the security cameras.

That's why you're here in the first place.

I never want to live in a grocery store ever again.

Well, don't steal from them, and you'll never find me. Dude, can you stop

calling me a thief? I'm not a thief.

Then pay for your shit.

That's it.

I'm trying to, and you won't let me.

You had your opportunity.

You have a second opportunity here now.

Dude, you're such an asshole.

I like your feistiness, but it's not going to help.

Yeah,

that makes it so much better.

So what, you just do this with everybody?

I try and keep a low theft policy at my store.

Fucking gross, dude.

I don't want to look at you.

I don't have all day.

Well, I don't know why you're just standing here next to me. You act

Well, I'll give you two options.

It's either I'm calling the cops or you suck my dick.

Show that kind of energy on wanting to get the hell out of here. We can get

done.

You swear you won't call the cops?

Like I said, show me that kind of energy and wanting to get out of here. No, you

need to promise me.

I'm not going to suck your dick and then go to jail afterwards. You know how

fucking stupid I is? I'm not that fucking stupid.

All right, I'm not going to call the cops if you suck my dick.

Right on.

Pinky promise.

Yeah, I don't pinky promise.

Well, then I don't trust you.

I don't trust you.

Well, at least we're on some type of mutual fucking ground.

What? Sooner the better.

Let's go.

You have family?

This isn't about me. This is about you getting out of here, so come on.

What are you going to go home to after this?

That's none of your fucking business.

Let's get this over with.

My thoughts exactly.

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

No, you're good.

Look. Not good enough?

No.

Damn. That's not good enough.

What do you want?

You'll know when that's good enough.

We'll see when that's good enough. Come on.

Do you have one left?

My office.

be quiet please.

Are you kidding me? Don't stop.

Keep going. You're alright.

No, I'm just texting. Go ahead.

You have security cameras, you said, in here, so why do you need your cell

phone? I'm just texting. Go ahead. Keep going. Dude, you can't have a video of

me. Are you serious? I'm not videoing.

You're okay. Keep going. There can't be a video of me out there.

I'm just texting. It's alright.

I can't see it.

You're not putting that thing in me without a condom.

I got condoms. Where?

Right here.

Same. Fine. Okay, put one on.

Okay. Can you just make this back, please?

Yeah, I will.

I just want to go home.

Is this another camera?

Yeah, it's not on. Don't worry.

It's not on. I can see myself in it, dude.

This video is just for you, right?

You're not going to show anyone? It's not recording. Don't worry.

And the video on your cell phone?

I'm just texting.

Can you not grab my ass, please?

Can you just hurry up, please?

This negative energy is getting me out of the mood.

I didn't even realize it was my job to keep you in the mood.

It makes things a lot more pleasant.

For you.

Dude, can you not hit me please?

What now?

I thought this was going to be over with quick.

This isn't quick.

him on i did it fell off in fact it might be in you let's check dude what

cool it's okay okay no it's not okay don't worry about it that won't come in

it's over with

How much longer?

How much longer?

Get him wet.

Shut up.

Of course he likes me.

Shut up.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, shit.

Can you stop? Can you just fuck me, please?

Oh, that's good. How many fucking cameras do you have in this place?

off, don't worry about it. Oh my god.

This table is really uncomfortable.

I'm getting used to it, don't worry about it.

I'm sure you're really used to it.

What? What do you want? I'm playing about the table. Come over here.

What do you want? You don't have to grab me. Just tell me.

Come here and sit.

Which way?

Stop now.

Can you not touch me? I asked you already.

That's part of the deal.

You know, to make me like this.

I don't know what deal you're talking about.

Shit.

Oh, that's hilarious.

Oh, my God, that's fast.

Fast? Mm -hmm.

Oh, God.

This ain't film.

They're going really deep.

Oh my God.

Fucking wet all over me.

your cavity search.

Yeah.

I'll keep you out of the jail.

I like this so much. No.

Convince me.

It's really good.

I'm not convinced.

Give me a smile.

Am I pretty?

Oh, that's pretty.

Are we

done?

No. I think we're done.

I'm not going to come to him and convince you like this.

Well, it's probably going to be as long as a prison sentence.

I've got time.

Make it good and you'll get released for good behavior.

Can't you just come so I can go?

I'm just gonna do it good right now so you'll come, okay?

That's it, that's all I'm gonna do.

Is

that

what you want?

Your coffee is beautiful.

I'm

starting

to feel convinced.

To ground me. You can just tell me where to go.

Don't put it under my ass.

Maybe I'll save that for another day.

Yeah, right. I'm never coming here again.

Careful.

What?

I'm sorry.

It's fucking terrible.

Oh, you're gonna make me cum.

Oh, shit.

What? Where do you want me to go? Here, get down.

Like this?

You literally told me you weren't going to come inside of me.

mistake. Whatever.

It's okay.

Whatever? Yeah.

Do they sell...

You can get dressed.

Can I have my groceries?

You can get the hell out of my store.

After all this, I can't even get the food?