Original subtitles

There you are.

Say, has, uh, this castle always had four turrets?

Always.

Four turrets.

That doesn't seem right.

If you hurry, sir, you'll still be in time

to catch the last tour.

Thanks.

The room you are now standing in

is an ancient banquet hall.

And this table, ladies and gentlemen,

is said to be the famed Round Table

used by King Arthur.

Many of the restored shields of the Knights of the Round Table

can be seen on these standards.

Sir Bedivere.

- Sir-- - Sir Bors de Ganis.

- Sir-- - Sir Lancelot of the Lake.

If you don't mind.

Not at all. Go right ahead.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll kindly follow me.

Over here, ladies and gentlemen,

we have the shields of Sir Galahad,

Sir Dalliance,

and Sir Sagramore le Desirous.

Good old Saggy.

And over here, ladies and gentlemen,

a remarkably preserved portrait.

Lady Alisande la Carteloise.

Wasn't she lovely?

Lovely indeed, madam.

She was renowned in legend as King Arthur's favorite niece.

Over here, ladies and gentlemen--

pardon me-- we have a hauberk

dating from the sixth century,

said to have been worn by Sir Logris of Astolat.

Kindly notice the round hole through the breastplate,

undoubtedly caused by an iron-tipped arrow of the period.

Mm-mm.

I mean-- well, you see,

that happens to be a bullet hole.

Impossible! Firearms weren't invented

until the 15th century.

Oh, come now.

Perhaps the gentleman saw the bullet fired.

Perhaps the gentleman was there.

Matter of fact, I was.

Undoubtedly caused by an iron-tipped arrow of the period.

Well, uh, that concludes the tour, ladies and gentlemen.

On behalf of the orphanage and Lord Pendragon,

I hope you've enjoyed it.

This way out, please.

Thank you. It's been most interesting.

- I beg your pardon, sir. - Hmm?

Lord Pendragon would like to see you.

Well, that's very nice of him.

Just as I remember her.

- This way, sir. - Yes.

"Just as I remember her"?

And she dead these 1,300 years.

Come in, come in.

And shut the door.

That's the worst of these confounded castles.

Very picturesque and all that,

but the wind whistles through like a howling gale.

This is the American gentleman, Your Lordship.

I'm quite aware it's the American gentleman.

- You may go, Richards. - But, Your Lordship--

Go, go. Scat.

Now, no tricks, young man.

I warn you, I boxed for Cambridge until my arm...

Now, what's all this I hear

about your creating a disturbance?

You don't look balmy.

I assure you, Your Lordship, I'm perfectly sane.

Well, stop staring at me as if I were a ghost.

Have we met before? Here.

- Well, no, not exactly. - What do you mean, not exactly?

Either we've met before or we haven't.

It's difficult to explain, Your Lordship.

I-- I feel like I know you.

I know this castle

and the girl in the painting downstairs,

Lady Alisande. I know her, too.

Wait, wait. Don't ring. I wanna show you something.

- Take a look at this. - What is it?

It's a gold amulet,

just like the one on the girl in the painting.

Yes, yes, of course. Of course.

A remarkable duplicate.

It's not a duplicate, sir.

Where did you get it?

She gave it to me.

Young man, you're either a liar or a lunatic,

and I'm not gonna sit here--

Here.

- Thank you. - Excuse me.

I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a long time.

I'm not keeping you from anything, am I?

My name is Martin. Hank Martin.

I was born in Hartford, Connecticut, USA.

I'm a blacksmith, and my father was a blacksmith before me.

Or I was a blacksmith until a few years ago,

when these automobiles came along.

Boy, sure is powerful-looking.

Boy, it sure is.

Go ahead and touch it. I dare you.

- You do it. - I asked you first.

Yeah, he asked you first.

Oh! Look out!

Did you fix it, Hank?

I fixed it, all right.

The operation was a success, but the patient died.

Well, we'll give her another whirl, huh?

- You kids in a hurry? - No, not me.

What do you suppose makes it go?

- I know. There's a dragon in it. - A what?

A dragon, just like in King Arthur,

that spits and shoots out fire.

- Oh, you're daffy. - I am not, am I, Hank?

I think she's got something there.

What we need is a little dragon bait.

Say, it's taken a hold.

Oh, there's a dragon in there, all right.

I think it's a reluctant dragon.

Why don't we let it cool off a while, huh?

Does that book tell you how to fix automobiles, Hank?

Oh, this book tells you how to fix everything.

At least that's what the fella said that sold it to me.

- Wow! Look at that. - What is that thing, Hank?

- Yeah, what is it, Hank? - That's a phonograph.

That'll bring a 20-piece band smack into your parlor.

- Drums and everything? - Sure, drums and everything.

There's electric light bulb,

a magic lantern, and a motorcycle.

Wow! Look at that!

You mean we're gonna have all those things someday, Hank?

Son, every one of those things in that book,

every item, we got 'em right now.

You know why we got 'em?

Because folks who other folks thought were crazy

went out and invented 'em.

That's how things get done, by folks who shoot high

and just won't admit they're licked.

♪ Oh, there's nothin' to be ashamed of ♪

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

♪ When a dream's at the top of the sky ♪

♪ Well, you just have to jump pretty high ♪

♪ But don't give up too soon ♪

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

Now, you take Harry Hadgetts.

Who's Harry Hadgetts?

♪ Young Harry Hadgetts loved making gadgets ♪

♪ "Life needs some new things" was his claim ♪

♪ Hoped one or two things might bring fame ♪

♪ This is the last time you'll hear his name ♪

♪ Nobody mentions Harry's inventions ♪

♪ But do you think that got him down ♪

♪ Here comes the end when you've gadgets to mend ♪

♪ He's the best repairman in town ♪

♪ So there's nothin' to be ashamed of ♪

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

Fred?

♪ When a dream's at the top of the sky ♪

♪ Well, you just have to jump pretty high, high ♪

♪ But don't give up too soon ♪

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

Now, you take Sally Springer.

Who's Sally Springer?

Well, it's a long story, but I'll cut it down for you.

♪ Sweet Sally Springer she was a singer ♪

♪ Lived in a hall room up one flight ♪

♪ Thought of a ballroom big and bright ♪

♪ Where she would make her debut some night ♪

♪ Then for her trouble, pop went the bubble ♪

♪ Say that it's sad but, wait, don't weep ♪

♪ Now they admit every night she's a hit ♪

♪ When she sings her children to sleep ♪

♪ No, there's nothin' to be ashamed of ♪

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

♪ Though it may be a blow to your pride ♪

♪ You're a hero because, well, you tried ♪

Good boy.

♪ So don't give up too soon

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

♪ Don't give up too soon

♪ If you stub your toe on the moon ♪

Well, there's a moral there someplace, kids.

- Hiya, Hank! - Hey, Sam.

Old Man Miller's madder than a wet hen.

Said you promised to have his pinto back by noon.

By George, I did.

Well, this'll have to wait till later, kids.

- Aw, gee! - Come on. Everybody out.

See you in the mornin'. 7:00 be too early?

Good, good.

- See you tomorrow! - All right, bye.

Say, if that cat spits up a spark plug, it's mine.

Whoa, Tex. Take it easy. I don't blame you.

Looks like we're in for a wet night.

Whoa, there. Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, Tex! Whoa!

Monster, will you battle?

Will I do what?

Will you joust?

Will you venture a passage at arms?

Huh?

Up, dog!

Up, dog, and defend thyself!

Up, I say!

Look, old man, I don't know where

you got that iron Union suit,

but I've been up all night, and I'm in no mood for jokes.

Hey, Tex. Here, Tex.

Stay where you are, monster.

I give warning-- spit forth one flame of fire

and I shall hack thee limb from limb!

Here, now. Skip.

Go ahead, Run along before they come and get you.

Before they come?

Your keepers. They should be here any minute.

Parley will gain thee not! Dost admit defeat?

Look, I told you before, I'm in no mood--

Dost admit defeat?

Dost. By all means, dost.

Forward, knave. Thou art captive of my lance.

I'll play along with you.

Hey, tell me, bub... who art thou?

I hight Sir Sagramore le Desirous,

Knight of the Round Table.

Howdy. I hight Hank Martin.

Those turrets.

I've never seen them before. That can't be Bridgeport.

Yonder, varlet, is Camelot.

Camelot?

Capital of the kingdom of Britain,

residence in state of King Arthur's Court.

King Arthur? What year is this?

This is the year of our Lord, 528.

528?

I guess I owe you an apology, brother.

I'm the guy they're coming after.

Forward, knave.

Raise for Sir Sagramore!

Hold, monster. Bind the prisoner.

Bind the prisoner!

Here, here. Whoa. What's this?

Here, now, there's been a mistake.

Get me a lawyer. Where's the head fella here?

Forward, monster.

- Where is the king? - In the Great Hall, sire.

- Enough! To thy post. - Aye, sire.

Forward to the Great Hall.

Oh, confound this castle. It's a veritable cave of winds.

Somebody close the door.

The king speaketh. Close the door!

Close the door!

Close the door!

The door closeth.

♪ When

♪ Is sometime

♪ How many days

♪ Until sometime

♪ For my dreams make it clear

♪ That my lover is near

♪ And he ought to be here about ♪

♪ Sometime

♪ Who

♪ Is someone

♪ Who is this wonderful someone ♪

♪ Oh, I'm keeping my heartstrings ♪

♪ In tune

♪ And hoping

♪ That sometime

♪ Is soon

It is I, Sir Sagramore!

Cease thy speaking!

And thy babbling.

♪ Who

♪ Is someone

♪ Who is this wonderful someone ♪

♪ Oh, I'm keeping my heartstrings ♪

♪ In tune

♪ And hoping

♪ That sometime

♪ Is soon

♪ Oh, I'm hoping

♪ That sometime

♪ Is soon

Excellent, child.

You take after my side of the family.

We were all fine singers until my throat--

Thank you, my liege.

With Your Majesty's permission,

I have prepared a song for the lute.

- It's a simple thing-- - Away, child.

If there's one thing that curdles the appetite

of an already-addled stomach, it's a lute solo.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well.

What other amusement have we in store this day?

Sorry, my liege.

Noble King, I crave pardon for this most unseemly intrusion,

but I have just returned from capturing the fiercest

of all human dragons.

Behold, the monster!

I'm a monster.

A weird-looking creature. How camest thou by him?

'Tis a most wondrous tale, my liege.

I fear we're in for it.

My king, ladies of the Royal Court,

fellow Knights of the Round Table,

while riding in a far land,

I came upon a concourse of a thousand ogres.

And despite their numbers,

determined to capture the most sky-towering giant among them--

Oh, here, now. Wait a minute.

I was alone. I was asleep under a tree.

Cease, monster!

From dawn till dark and dark till dawn, we battled.

With lance and sword, I laid upon the demon throng

till all were dead but one,

the fiercest ogre of them all.

When finally I drove him to corner,

He changed into a dragon,

bellowing fire and flame upon me!

When that availed him naught,

he became a tusked and taloned werewolf.

Oh, now, see here, Your Majesty--

At last, the beast changed to his present form,

and with one mighty bound,

leaped to the topmost branch of a tree,

200 cubits high!

I picked up a stone the size of a bullock

and hurled it at the beast.

He fell to my feet.

And here, milord, here is living proof

of my mighty deed.

I thank thee.

Your Majesty, mayeth I sayeth a few words?

- In the first place-- - Silence, ogre!

What makest thou of the creature, Merlin?

A most dangerous and evil demon. The beast must be destroyed.

- A hanging? - No.

Burning at the stake, my liege.

Pardon, milord,

but the monster seemeth a gentle soul.

Gentle?

He hath nice eyes,

and his features are... not unpleasant.

True, true. Monster, hast thou a name?

Hast. Martin. Hank Martin.

The truth now. How camest thou to this kingdom?

Well, I'm a little confused as to how I came here,

but I did come from Connecticut.

Hast, uh, heard of, uh...

what he just said?

Couldst be in Ireland.

Oh, no. It's way past Ireland.

You lie. There's naught beyond Ireland but the Great Sea.

Trapped by his own words, my liege.

An evil demon confronts us whose abode

is the dismal depths of the ocean.

Destroy this pestilence e'er he destroy us.

Thou hast a good point.

Death to the monster!

Quiet, quiet!

Oh, my ears.

Monster?

I have bad tidings for thee.

Tomorrow morning, thou burnest at the stake.

Take him away.

Well, Your Majesty, if I can just have a minute to--

I'd like to explain this-- wait a minute! Hey! Help!

Wait! Help!

'Tis said this monster has seven heads.

Aye, and a fork'ed tail.

It is I, Sir Sagramore! Open for Sir Sagramore!

Well, what do you want now?

I have brought thee a dainty tidbit from the king's kitchen.

Roast meat.

At this point, roast meat doesn't appeal to me.

- When do I, uh-- - Within the hour.

How thou must hate me for the mischief

my foolish tongue has caused thee.

You ought to be press agent for Jack the Ripper.

An ogre, you called me. Dragon, werewolf.

No wonder they wanna get rid of me.

Cease. I feel bad enough.

If there were aught I could say, aught I could do to save thee...

Well, ain't there aught?

Naught.

Wait!

Zounds, what an idea.

- An idea? - Who hast condemned thee?

'Tis Merlin, the maker of miracles.

What if thou shouldst create a miracle?

What if thou shouldst prove a greater sorcerer?

Doing what?

Nay. Nay. 'Tis a foolish thought.

A greater sorcerer than Merlin? None such exists.

He's the champion, huh?

I have grown to like thee, monster.

'Tis sad to part.

'Tis sad.

Farewell.

Within the hour.

Well, now, if it's a miracle they're after...

♪ Meet the new champion

No, no, no, no.

All these folderols simply to burn a man.

Verily it grows monotonous.

Aye, but the Romans had a more amusing procedure.

They boiled their victims in oil.

Boiled them in oil?

Splendid. Hast not seen a lobster boil, Your Majesty?

Truly, Morgan, thou art brilliant.

All right, all right, all right. Let's get started.

Thou knowest this early morning air bringeth on my vapors.

The king speaketh. Bring on the beast.

- Bring on the beast! - Bring on the beast!

Must we have these eternal echoes?

That's strange.

The creature seemeth in splendid spirits.

'Twill avail him naught.

Fire and flame will destroy him and all his demon magic.

Milord, does he have to die?

Of course he has to die.

You certainly don't expect me

to disappoint all these people, do you?

Thou art to be commended, Sir Sagramore,

for thy part in these festivities.

Nay. My heart weigheth heavily.

Hear ye the proclamation of death!

Monster, thou hast by trial both just and fair

been found guilty of the following crimes.

First, of assuming through demon wizardry...

Stay away, clouds.

Good old sun.

...and of tusked and taloned werewolf.

Second, of conspiring with Beelzebub

and the powers of evil

to bring calamity upon this kingdom.

Therefore, monster,

by order of His Sovereign Majesty King Arthur of Britain,

thou art hereby condemned to perish by the flame--

Merlin, he's bewitched.

Have no fear, my liege.

I shall cast a spell upon this demon.

I fear thee not, monster.

Boo.

I, Merlin, sorcerer to the king,

do hereby render helpless the evil demon

within this monster and route forevermore

his magic wizardry, and I command the gods

to wither his tongue, to still his limbs, to, uh--

Psst, psst, Smiley?

You're burning up a little there.

Thou art the devil himself.

Is there no end to his sorcery?

Do you give up?

Ah-ha. Just as I thought!

Hey.

No forces of evil did cause this mischief, my liege.

'Twas but this bauble, this toy,

which any child can worketh.

Start workething, bub.

I command thee,

maketh fire and flame.

Any news?

Maketh fire and flame!

No talent, huh?

A few words, Your Majesty.

I am a wizard. I'm a whiz of a wizard.

Matter of fact, just about the best in the business.

And if you don't mind my saying so,

it's a pretty good thing for you I'm not quick-tempered.

Slim, release me here.

Come on, quickly.

I might lose my temper here

and burn up a lot of good acreage.

Now, watch closely and I'll show you what I mean.

I have here, Your Majesty, a common, ordinary twig.

Presto.

You could imagine what I could do with a tree.

For my next miracle, ladies and gentlemen--

Desist! Desist, monster, I prithee.

And now, Your Majesty, hang onto your crown be--

because, uh, I'm about to--

No more, monster. I beseech thee.

Spare my kingdom.

Name thy terms, and I will grant them.

Well...

I would like to stick around here a little while, maybe.

Half my domains are thine.

Oh, no, just-- just a little--

little blacksmith shop would be all right.

A smithy.

Granted.

And if you could arrange it, I'd like to associate

with these lords and ladies in a little more sociable atmosphere.

A ball, as soon as 'tis possible to accoutre thee properly.

This fellow that captured me, what about him?

The dog shall die.

Aye. Burn Sir Sagramore.

Aye! Burn Sir Sagramore!

Burn Sir Sagramore! Burn Sir Sagramore!

Burn Sir Sagramore!

In oil, huh?

Oh, no. No. Wait a minute. I like him.

Why, he shall be thy squire.

I wouldn't be without a squire. And one really important thing.

As long as I seem to be the boss around here,

don't you think I ought to have a title to go with it?

Approach and be knighted.

Here. Practice with this a while.

On thy knees, sire.

I dub thee--

I dub thee Sir Boss!

Hail to the Boss!

Hail, Sir Boss.

Methinks I liketh Camelot...

a lot.

Zounds, but thou hast a handsome figure.

Now, take it easy, Saggy.

I know you're grateful, but don't overdo it.

The ball awaits thee. This way, milord.

Hope some man doesn't ask me to dance.

For thee, sire.

Well, how about introducing me to the cast of characters?

Pardon, sire?

I wouldst know whom I meeteth this night.

The king, for instance. What's he like?

A prince among men.

And, uh, Merlin?

A devil, who by cunning and trickery

has come to rule the kingdom.

A villain, huh?

Who's the dark-haired lady with him there?

Morgan le Fay, the king's niece.

If aught should happen to the king,

Merlin would see to it that she is queen.

Well, aught better not happen then, huh?

Who?

Another of the king's nieces. Milady Alisande la Carteloise.

Is she married or anything?

She is the betrothed of Sir Lancelot of the Lake.

Who is away on a mission of knight errantry, sire.

Traveling man, huh? Shall we mingle then?

Stop the music!

Stop the music!

Stop the music!

The music stoppeth, sire.

Well, you got a mighty nice turnout for the clambake.

I'm much obliged.

It's a pleasure, I assure thee.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Boss!

The man is dangerous.

And we also if we but smile.

Dance with him.

- Uh, Sir Galahad. - Oh.

Howdy.

Killed any dragons lately?

Scout's honor?

Pardon, my liege.

And, ah, yes, my niece, Morgan le Fay,

princess of the Royal House.

Welcome to Camelot, milord.

- A merry tune, is it not? - Oh, yes.

I can hardly keep my feet still.

Thou mayest think me bold, but wouldst dance with me?

Why, certainly. I'd love to.

Anytime.

I, uh-- I beg your pardon.

I don't want to seem aggressive or anything, but I did want--

My dear Alisande, hast heard my latest exploits?

- Never in all-- - Say, just a minute, buster.

This is our dance.

Oh, by all means, yes.

Hast thou an affliction in thine eye, sire?

I'm afraid it's in my heart.

But that twitching of the lid. I understand thee not.

That's a wink, honey.

A wink?

Where I come from, it's a token of affection.

Maybe we better dance, huh?

Come along with me a minute.

I want to straighten these fellas out.

Will you excuse me? This won't take a minute.

You don't seem to be very busy. Would you try something for me?

Listen closely.

Try it.

Fine. I have something for you, too.

Play it.

Are you happy? Sounds fine.

Well, who have we here? Milord Windpipe.

Got something classy for you. Listen closely.

Nice, huh?

Try it.

Have to file this away till 1776, I guess.

Now we come to the most important part of all,

the rhythm section.

Tell me, sire, how dost thou count this rhythm?

Hmm?

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

You're a three-beat man, huh?

You're a four-beat man.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

I'm a four-beat man.

Naturally. Let me hear it.

That's it.

Oh, say, there's a new tuning on these instruments.

Gonna sweep the country.

There.

Isn't that classy?

There's a canoe that goes with these things,

but that's another story.

Don't lose your head now. Oh, there's just the man we need.

Hold it.

Tell me, young man,

art thou familiar with this melody?

Indeed, Sir-- Sir Boss. I am.

Well, come on. Join the band.

I hope thou art paid up in the Guild.

Everyone remember what I showed them.

Are you all ready?

There, you see?

When you putteth in the brass, you taketh out the lead.

Sir Boss, what a wondrous transformation.

So bright, so merry, so gay!

Oh, it was really nothing.

Tomorrow, I might even show them "The Turkey Trot."

- "The Turkey Trot"? - Yeah.

I wit thee not.

Oh, 'tis a gayish gambol.

Oh, come. Relax. You might like it.

Methinks this will be his undoing.

This is an out--

Yes, sire?

Would you like to sit the rest of this out?

'Twould be most unseemly.

I know it 'twould. I want to talk to you alone.

'Tis a beautiful night, sire.

Oh, 'tis. 'Tis indeed.

But I wish you wouldn't call me sire.

Yes, O Mighty Sorcerer.

And I wanna straighten you out on that too.

I don't care what it looked like out there the other day.

I'm just one of the boys,

just a fella called Hank Martin.

A human being?

Mm-hmm. Right now, very human.

Tell me, sire--

Oh, no. Hank.

Tell me... Hank...

why dost thou confide in me?

I don't know, unless-- well, except I'm grateful.

Well, you-- you and Saggy were the only ones

that seemed to care if I burned or not.

I'd feel as sorry for any beast of the field.

Oh, now, don't spoil it.

In the second place, Alisande, you're a very pretty girl.

Thou art pretty too, milord.

You mustn't go around saying men are pretty.

If you wanna make an exception in my case, say I'm cute.

Well, thou art in truth the cutest--

I don't like that either. Say I'm healthy or something.

You know what I think I'll call you?

Sandy.

- Sandy? - Mm-hmm.

Sandy.

It hath a fine and winsome grace.

Sandy.

Even so, already it falleth trippingly from the tongue.

Shakespeare.

Shakespeare?

Oh, he's a new boy coming up later.

Very clever fella.

Oh, gee, Connecticut was never like this.

And where is this strange land, this Conn-ect-i-cut?

A million miles...

a thousand years away.

I comprehend thee not.

I'm not sure I comprehend me either.

One thing I know, though. I'm glad I'm here.

♪ Once and for always

♪ Let's have it understood

♪ We will be together

♪ Just the way we should

♪ Let's not wait and hope

♪ For something more sublime

♪ Don't you know

♪ That always isn't too much time ♪

♪ So once

♪ And for always

♪ Let's say that it's agreed

♪ Wishing days are over

♪ This is all we need

♪ And tonight

♪ We'll notify the stars

♪ Above

♪ That once and for always

♪ And no less than always

♪ You and I

♪ Will be

♪ Do do do do do do ♪

♪ In love

Oh, 'tis truly lovely.

♪ Once and for always

♪ Let's have it understood

But I know not thy meaning, sire.

'Tis warming to the heart, but confusing to the mind.

All I'm trying to tell you, honey,

is even if you lived up in my day, around 1905,

I'd still feel the same way about you.

Time isn't important if it's the real thing.

♪ Let's not wait

♪ And hope for something

♪ More sublime

♪ Don't you know

♪ No

♪ Well, always

♪ Isn't too much time

Seems the only thing I brought with me from Connecticut

is a little book, an almanac

full of useful advice and wise observations,

one of which says,

"Love once, but love always and forever."

That's what I'm trying to tell you,

just like it says in the almanac.

What's an almanac?

Doesn't matter. They all say the same thing.

♪ Once and for always

♪ Let's say that it's agreed

♪ Agreed

♪ Wishing days are over

♪ This is all we need

♪ And tonight

♪ We'll notify

♪ The stars

♪ Above

♪ That once and for always

♪ And no less

♪ Than always

♪ You and I

♪ Will be

♪ Do do do do

♪ In love

Oh, I shouldn't have done that, huh?

'Twas mine fault as much as thine.

Well, then this one's on me.

Will I see you tomorrow?

'Twould be most--

Tomorrow then, at my smithy.

Logris, thou art a friend of Lancelot's.

Wouldst say he is a jealous man?

Most jealous.

Knowest thou his whereabouts?

They say he's bound for the north country.

A day's ride would reach him.

A night's ride. Thou must leave at once.

Stay, Sir Lancelot!

Sir Lancelot!

Stay, Sir Lancelot!

Evil tidings, my friend.

An interloper from a foreign land

has gazed with ardor upon the Lady Alisande.

Huh? Name of this interloper?

Sir Boss.

Sir Boss. I ride forthwith to Camelot.

- But the quest, sire. - The quest shall wait.

First, I must disembowel a scurvy knave.

'Tis a monstrous sorcerer within.

Most monstrous!

Well, let's see here.

Two inches off the cuff.

- Oh, you got me a little there. - Thou art indeed a wizard.

When 'tis done, 'twill become thee as fittingly as it did

to Sagramore le Desirous.

Oh. Sir Sagramore le Desirous.

We've got to do something about that.

Say, when you were a kid, did you have a first name?

Aye, but from that day to this,

no man has dared breathe it in my presence.

Oh, but you're gonna tell me.

Wild horses could not drag it from me.

Come on, Saggy. Fess up.

To my undying shame, 'twas Clarence.

Clarence. Suits your personality, too.

I dub thee Clarence.

Whoop.

As you will, milord.

Hi, men.

Oh, well, you'll get used to me.

Who's this?

Who cometh in yonder covered wagon?

'Tis the Lady Alisande.

I warn thee, milord, this meeting is unwise.

The girl is betrothed.

I'll take care of this thing, Saggy.

But, sire--

Sandy.

Hank.

Thanks for coming.

In truth, I-- I did not want to come.

I know, you just came to tell me that you couldn't make it.

Honey, I got something awfully important to ask you.

Well, it's a little crowded here.

Could we...

I hate to run out on you fellas,

but you can see how important this is, huh?

Mind the children, Clarence.

Abracadabra! Boom!

The children are gonna love me around here, aren't they?

Oh, say, I got a little trinket here

that I whipped up for you.

- For me, sire? - Yes.

Hath it a name?

Well, in my country, we call it a safety pin.

Wouldst sitteth down?

'Tis a strange device. What purpose serveth it?

Well, it hath a myriad of purposes.

For instance, uh, do you have a handkerchief?

- A kerchief, sire? - A kerchief, yes.

You expecting a cold?

You take, uh-- You take it like this,

over there, over there, and this up here.

Now we take our little gadget, you see,

and hook it up there.

There you are. See?

Amazing, sire.

Isn't it, honey?

But to what purpose?

Huh? Oh.

To what purpose?

Well, in the south,

they call them Aunt Jemimas, I think.

Now, you wanna get the little gadget off there.

You just unlatch it like that. There you are. Presto.

Safe, sound and simple, isn't it?

- It's a miracle. - Well, not exactly a miracle,

but certainly a very handy little gadget.

I didn't mean to scare you.

And that's not a miracle either.

That's just a little gadget called a magnet,

based on an idea cooked up by a fella named Ben Franklin.

This is yours.

'Tis a handsome gift, sire.

But I cannot accept it.

It would not be honorable.

You should know this, sire. I'm betrothed to Sir Lancelot.

- I did know. - But--

Please, honey, let me do the talking.

Sandy, I haven't been around here very long.

There's a lot of things I don't know,

how I got here, how long I'm gonna be here.

- I do not comprehend. - Don't try to follow me.

Please. Just listen.

What I'm getting at is this.

Would you consider being betrothed to me?

But Sir Lancelot.

We'll get to him later. Do you love him?

Lancelot is a wonderful man.

Brave, stalwart, handsome.

Do you love him?

A wife would be proud of such a husband.

Do you love him?

No, Hank.

Hallelujah.

No, no. Thou must not. 'Tis most unseemly.

Why?

Dost thou not understand? I am betrothed to Sir Lancelot.

I know. I know.

But when does he get back?

Perhaps a month.

You leave everything to me. I'll handle old Lance.

But I fear for thee, Hank.

Sir Lancelot's anger is known to freeze

the hearts of the most courageous.

Sandy, don't worry. Now, please.

Just toddle along home to the castle.

- But, Hank-- - Don't you trust me, Sandy?

Yes, I trust thee, Hank.

Good. Here. You forgot something.

I'll see you later.

Okay, men, shove off.

Heave ho.

Departeth!

Forward!

- Sir Boss? - Yeah?

- I must warn thee. - What about?

Did you get the squeak out of there?

Methinks I have, sire.

Not entirely. Not entirely.

But, sire, I must warn thee.

Yeah?

Art occupied, blacksmith?

Have care, sire.

Yeah, okay. I'll fix that in a minute.

I got a cash customer here. Wait a minute.

What's on your mind, friend?

Death to a scurvy knave

whom I shall find before this day has ended.

Wouldst have an edge on my weapon!

Yes, well, you came to the right place, friend.

I guess you'd like a little edge on the lance too, wouldn't you?

Mm-hmm.

I'll get it. Don't stand there fidgeting.

Give me a lift here. Come on.

By George, big fella,

you've got your dander up today, haven't you?

Hate to be the guy you're looking for.

In a minute. In a minute.

This man has urgent business here.

- Somebody do you wrong? - A grievous wrong.

Uh-huh. Well, I can tell.

When a fella's as mad as you appear to be,

there's generally a woman at the bottom of it, right?

- Thou art wise, blacksmith. - Somebody stole your gal, huh?

Naturally, you're gonna take steps... long steps.

I shall seek out this interloper,

and be he the size of ten giants

and hath he the strength and fury of a thousand lions,

I shall meet him upon the field of honor

and thrust him through like an ox on a spit.

Ah, but the end shall not come swiftly.

Mark you, the death of this knave

who calleth himself Sir Boss shall become legend,

a warning to all who would covet

the betrothed of another.

I don't blame you. If I was in your spot--

Did you say "Sir Boss"?

Aye, blacksmith. A scourge on the dog.

Well, now, uh...

perhaps we ought to think this over in the cool of the evening.

We don't wanna be too hasty about these things.

- What sayest thou? - No offense, friend.

I just don't want you to do something

- that we'll both regret. - What wouldst suggest?

There are two sides to every question.

I suggest you sit down with this fella and try and talk it over.

They tell me he's a fine boy.

A message for thee, sire. 'Tis from the Lady Alisande.

- It must be for you, friend. - Oh, no, Sir Lancelot.

'Tis for Sir Boss here.

Sir Boss.

"Beware. Lancelot cometh."

And here you are.

If you'll excuse me, I have a couple irons in the fire.

Wait! I hurl the gauntlet in thy face.

Good day, sire.

Good day.

Clarence, are you there?

Aye. The die is cast.

Tomorrow you joust with Sir Lancelot.

And the one who lives shall become

the betrothed of Lady Alisande.

I don't like the odds.

All right, we're here, Merlin. Show us some blood.

Aye, blood. Sir Boss's blood.

Anybody's blood.

I will hasten the proceedings, my liege.

Fear not, my friend.

I have cast a magic spell upon thy evil opponent.

I thank thee, Merlin.

I have no need for casting of spells.

Be of good cheer, sire.

- Perhaps couldst perform a miracle. - Afraid not.

With all this stuff on, it slows up my thinking.

What's that?

'Tis just a minor scuffle between two hot-blooded youths.

Sir Gareth and Sir Persant of Wales.

Oh. A preliminary, huh?

What's going on?

They gatherth up Sir Persant, sire.

That's tough luck, old boy.

But, sire, this man is the winner.

Steady, sire.

Have confidence, milord. Have courage.

Oh, Clarence, what a fella will do for a girl.

If it wasn't for Sandy, I'd be on my way

to Connecticut right now.

Another rope, serfs.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I can't handle this.

This is awful. Let's see.

If I don't go through with it, I'm a coward, huh?

If I do go through with it, I'm a dead hero.

Isn't there something in between,

- something conservative? - Nay, sire.

- Tex! - Tex, milord?

Looketh, get to the king as fast as you can

and tell him I gotta have a ten-minute postponement.

Tell him I've gone for a mustard plaster.

- Tell him anything, but hurry up. - Aye, sire.

Oh-ho, you Tex.

But he hath no armor, my liege.

Well, it's not my fault.

What manner of lunacy is this?

No lunacy at all, friend.

Your Majesty, is there anything in the book of rules

which says that I have to do my scuffling

in all that scrap iron?

In truth, there is nothing which so specifies.

Why don't we get started?

On with the--

On with the joust.

On with the joust.

On with the joust!

On with the joust!

I was there. Where were you?

Get set for a fast turn, boy.

Come on, boy. Let's trample him.

A neat trick, Sir Boss.

Thou hast not only won the fair maiden,

but given me the merriest afternoon I've had in years.

In years.

Thank you, sire.

You proud, honey?

Proud?

Proud of my part in this unseemly spectacle?

Oh, after all--

Proud that thou hast made a fool out of such a noble gentleman?

Well, I won, didn't I? What do you want me to do?

I want you to apologize to Sir Lancelot.

- Apologize? - Yes.

- For what? - For insulting him.

What do you expect me to do, go out there and be polite?

Get killed like a gentleman?

In truth, thou art no gentleman.

Wait a minute. Where are you going?

I need to comfort Sir Lancelot.

Well, after all, sire, it's just the rules--

Hast thou not learned there are no rules

where women are concerned?

Here, take this pill. It will ease thy gripe.

Not too close, fellas.

Pray, sire, what art thou contriving?

I'm just trying to keep busy, keep out of trouble.

I think I'll let you fellas in on a little secret.

See this gadget here? That's a pistol.

And these little gimmicks are bullets.

Stand clear. Stay right there.

I'll show you how it works.

Suppose you're out in the woods late one night

and a big old wolf all of a sudden pops up in front of you.

You wouldn't be scared, would ya?

- Oh, no, you wouldn't. - Not even a little, sire?

No, sir, because you got your trusty pistol with you.

All you do is just pull it up like that,

pull back that hammer like that,

get all set, aim...

Where'd everybody go?

It's all right, fellas. You can come out now.

The big bad wolf is dead.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

That's just a sample of what's comin', fellas.

The world is gonna be chock-full of miracles, useful miracles,

like the printing press, the sewing machine, bathtubs.

- Bathtubs? - Yeah.

You mean we're all gonna have to take baths?

Every single Sat-- I mean,

every single Saturday, yes.

Greetings, milord.

Hi, Saggy. Well, that's all, fellas.

So long. See you tomorrow. Got big business here.

- Good-bye. - See you tomorrow, sire.

Yeah. She won't see me?

Rumor hath it that Lancelot and Lady Alisande

are to be wed within the week.

But she's not in love with him. She told me so herself.

Female paradox.

Well, this changes things.

Clarence, there's an old saying in Connecticut.

When you got to git, git.

Thou wouldst leave Britain?

There's nothing to hold me here now.

- Greetings, O Mighty Sorcerer. - Hello.

What's on your mind, honey? Come in.

'Tis... 'tis about my father.

- What about your father? - He is sick unto death, sire.

For three days now he has lain abed growing weaker and weaker.

Now, now, has the doctor been to see your father?

No, sire. No one.

They say he hath the plague.

The plague? Be gone, child!

Clarence!

Please, Sir Boss. Thou canst help him.

Thou art a mighty wizard. We will pay you these coins.

And our pigs, we have two of them, and a goat--

I'm afraid you've got me wrong. I'm not, uh...

Where do you live, honey?

- But, sire. - Wait here for me.

And don't be playing around with that.

- You might get hurt. - With this toy, sire?

Put it down! Come along, honey.

Ridiculous that a mere trinket should harm a grown man.

Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

Who is it?

A friend, ma'am.

A friend? We have no friends.

Did you see the sign outside?

None may enter this house of pestilence.

Fly, stranger, while there is yet time.

If it's all right with you, ma'am, I'll stay a while.

Stay then, and bless you.

- Your husband? - My husband.

Well, I'll be careful. I'll try not to wake him.

That you will not, for he is dead.

Cry if you will, child.

A month ago this was our family...

a fine husband, two strapping sons,

a daughter.

Now we're alone.

Your sons, are they dead too?

Not dead, but better dead.

Years ago, the lord of the manor

planted certain fruit trees on our farm.

'Twas his right.

His right?

'Tis the law, sire.

Some time ago, three of those trees were found hewn down.

Our sons ran frightened to report the crime.

And although they themselves were innocent,

they were accused of the crime.

Well, in His Lordship's dungeon,

there they lie.

And there they shall lie and rot till they confess.

But such things can't be.

His Majesty wouldn't allow it.

Truly thou art a stranger.

Cry, child.

Would I could cry with you.

- It's a masterpiece. - A masterpiece!

Needs a touch of ermine.

Ermine and velvet? 'Twould clash, sire.

They wouldn't be happy together.

I want ermine!

- Oh, yes, sire. - Yes, certainly, sire.

- Take it off. - Yes, sire. Certainly.

Ermine. You shall have ermine!

More hot water!

More hot water!

More hot water!

- Hot water. - Hot water!

Hot water!

Hot water!

Blasted incompetents can't even keep the water hot.

I don't how I've survived all these years.

Things are bad all over.

Why don't you get wise to yourself, Your Majesty,

and get acquainted with your people?

My people? But I see my people every day.

I don't mean these musical comedy personalities

around the palace, I mean your subjects.

How do you suppose they feel about you?

My boy, they love me.

On the morrow, I journey to London.

All along the way, my subjects will be bowing

and smiling and doffing their hats.

Did you ever happen to think

that underneath those smiles, they may be hating you?

Hating me?

That's the word.

But why? I'm a good king.

Good King Arthur they call me.

My good king, it may surprise you to learn

that this country is crawling with people who hate you.

Sick people, hungry people,

people who no longer hate you because they're dead.

- Why, sire, I could tell you-- - Cease!

Oh, heavens, I am sick.

And it's all your fault.

Young man, I could have you hanged for this.

But you won't 'cause I have a feeling you believe me.

All these lies about my subjects?

Are they lies?

I don't know. I don't know.

What with my ill health, one cold after another,

how could I know anything?

If you don't know, sire, I suggest you find out.

Find out?

Yes, we could make a trip around the country.

Might open your eyes a little.

But how 'bout my cold?

This could easily help your cold and your country.

A miracle?

It could well be, Your Majesty.

How worketh we this miracle?

Well...

How does it strike you, sire?

Well, as thou sayest, it's a...

cinch?

Cinch.

Cinch.

I postpone my official visit to London.

Make the trip disguised as a humble freeman

with Clarence and me along for good luck.

But dost think that any humble garb

can conceal evidence of our royal blood?

It'll take a bit of doing, but we'll handle it.

Till dawn, sire?

Till dawn.

I'll only be a minute, honey. I just wanted to say so long.

- So long? - Good-bye.

Thou art leaving?

In a few hours.

I see.

But I had to tell you this, honey.

I think you're doing the right thing.

About Sir Lancelot, I mean.

Why, marrying me would be a national disaster.

Disaster, sire?

This knight business, I'd-- I'd be no good at it.

Instead of getting on a horse and going out

and polishing off a few ogres or dragons,

I'd be hanging around the house watering the lawn

or fixing the fence or something.

And our kids would grow up,

they'd think their daddy was a sissy.

because we'd be the only family in the neighborhood

without a dragon's head over the fireplace.

It's better this way, honey.

You marry Sir Lancelot, settle down,

raise a lot of little lords and ladies.

I hope you live happily ever after.

Good-bye, Sandy.

So long, Hank.

What thinkest thou, my boy? Do I look like a commoner?

Well...

Well, what about this?

Yes, that helps. Mm-hmm, better.

And this?

Here. May I?

- Thank you. - Oh, yes, much better.

Ah.

I say, we are not alone.

These clothes seem to be inhabited.

- Perfect. - Perfect.

Shall we then?

Psst.

Logris, thy men are ready?

I could start at once, milady.

Slowly, slowly.

We'll let our birds fly a while before we spring the trap.

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ We're busy doing nothing ♪

♪ Working the whole day through ♪

♪ Trying to find lots of things not to do ♪

♪ We're busy going nowhere

♪ Isn't it just a crime?

♪ We'd like to be unhappy

♪ But we never do have the time ♪

♪ I have to watch the river to see that it doesn't stop ♪

♪ And stick around the rosebuds so they'll know when to pop ♪

♪ Better keep the crickets cheerful ♪

♪ They're really a solemn bunch ♪

♪ Hustle

♪ Bustle

♪ And only an hour for lunch

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

Uh, shall we proceed?

♪ We're busy doing nothing

♪ Working the whole day through ♪

♪ Trying to find lots of things not to do ♪

♪ We're busy going nowhere

♪ Isn't it just a crime?

♪ We'd like to be unhappy

♪ But we never do have the time ♪

♪ I have to wake the sun up

♪ He's liable to sleep all day ♪

- True. - ♪ And then inspect the rainbows ♪

♪ So they'll be bright and gay ♪

♪ You must rehearse the songbirds ♪

♪ To see that they sing in key ♪

If you insist.

I dost. I dost.

♪ Hustle

♪ Bustle

♪ And never a moment free

Whoop! Drop that bone.

♪ We're busy doing nothing

♪ Working the whole day through ♪

♪ Trying to find lots of things not to do ♪

♪ We're busy going nowhere

♪ Isn't it just a crime?

♪ We'd like to be unhappy

♪ But we never do have the time ♪

Going to the game?

♪ I have to meet a turtle

♪ I'm teaching him how to swim ♪

♪ Then I have to shine the dewdrops ♪

♪ You know, they're looking rather dim ♪ No.

♪ I told my friend the robin I'd buy him a brand-new vest ♪

♪ Hustle bustle

♪ I wish I could take a rest ♪

Trying to find lots of things not to do.

Isn't it just a crime?

♪ We'd better make it snappy ♪

♪ There's another hill to climb ♪

♪ We'd like to be unhappy but

- ♪ We never do have - ♪ We never do have

♪ We never do, never do, never do, never do ♪

♪ Never do have the ti-i-me ♪

♪ Never do have the ti-i-i-me ♪

What makest thou of this, my friends?

Oh, that's a beaut.

Methinks 'tis from too much walking, Your Majesty.

Dost realize, my friend,

that I am undoubtedly the first of royal blood

to possess this strange affliction?

Future sufferers of this malady shall know it

by the name King Arthur's Foot.

I don't think so, sire.

I think it's more likely to be known as a bunion.

What thinkest thou, Your Majesty?

Has it been worth it, seeing your people as they are?

In truth, I know not.

Their lot is indeed a hard one, but it is a hard world.

You've seen hunger and misery. What more do you want?

I want a bath.

You know, we took this trip to prove to you

that there is want and oppression--

Sir Boss! Your Majesty!

Your Majesty, Sir Boss, rise quickly.

- People of quality approach. - Where?

Over yon hill.

Rise quickly, sire! They come closer!

Let 'em come. I've got a "binion."

No, no, it's a bunion. Come on. You're not king now, you know.

You're just one of the fellas. Come along.

Look down, sire, as becomes a humble freeman.

I say, that's Bedivere.

Undoubtedly, he is taking the Lady Bedivere

to London on a shopping tour.

That's not the Lady Bedivere.

Oh, the rogue.

Halt.

This'll make a toothsome morsel for the court.

So thou chooseth not to bow, peasant!

A reward for thy insolence!

You need any further proof of injustices, Your Majesty?

- When reach we London? - On the morrow, sire.

A village lies ahead where we can bed for the night.

Good, on the morrow there shall be changes.

Not a bad idea. Let's get our stuff.

They lie hidden within, sire.

- All three asleep? - As babes.

'Twould be a simple matter to slit their throats.

There will be no slitting of throats yet.

I want them alive... now.

Aye.

- But, sire-- - Shh!

Your Majesty, it's Sir Logris and his men.

- They're gunning for you. - Gunning?

Shh! Leave out the gunning then. But they're after you.

We're in trouble up to our necks.

- Trouble? - Shh!

- Shh! - Shh!

Come on.

Shh.

Shh!

- Three men thou sayest? - Aye.

One broad and strong as an ox

and the one with an odd foreign manner of speech

and the one the who said he was King did sneeze.

The king shall reward thy loyalty.

By the morrow there may be no king.

He hath need of friends, milady.

I thank thee.

Fetch me such clothes as a boy might wear.

- But, milady-- - Do as I bid.

- I journey to London. - Yes, milady.

Our next offer, three male slaves

to be sold as a group!

What is thy bid for this fine specimen?

A bit soft, perhaps, yet sound of wind and limb.

- What is thy bid? - Half a crown.

Half a crown. Will anybody say five shillings?

- Five shillings? - Five shillings!

- Who'll make it ten? - Ten shillings.

Ten shillings I'm bid. Who'll make it one pound?

One pound.

One pound!

And for this handsome specimen...

...who only needs good food and hard work

to be brought to the peak of physical perfection?

What is thy bid?

One farthing.

Make that a pound or I'll have thee boiled in oil!

Ten pounds for the lot.

Ten pounds, sire?

Ten pounds.

Remove them to the slave quarters.

Sold to the gentleman with the beard for ten pounds!

Here, take 'em away.

Our next offer is this fine specimen of womanhood.

Sound of wind and limb, obviously a first-class...

Look yonder, sire.

That's Tex.

Move along.

That youth, doth he not seem familiar?

That's no youth, Saggy.

Two pounds bid. Who'll make it three pounds?

Who'll make it three pounds? Do I hear three pounds?

- Three pounds! - 'Tis I, sire.

Go back, Sandy. You'll only get in trouble here.

I'll not go back. I came to help thee.

- Honey, this is no place for you. - But, Hank--

I would add the Lady Alisande to our collection.

I'm not without friends, Hank. I'll return soon with help.

Hey, wait a minute. She-- he--

- Forward, slaves! - Move on!

Greetings, O Noble King.

Oh, do not rise, sire. Nor any of thee.

Perceive this monumental joke.

My king would see his people as they really are.

So what am I, his devoted servant, to do?

Why, help him of course.

Help him to see the miserable heart of his domain,

not as a freeman, not as a serf,

but as a slave.

Yes, my king shall be a slave and all his friends, too.

They shall journey to the mines of Devon,

there to work and rot...

and eventually to die.

Sleep well, all of you. You leave on the morrow.

Nice guy.

Are you asleep, honey?

Mm-mm, I cannot sleep

knowing that tonight is the end of everything.

Oh, no.

Don't you remember the book and what it says?

"Love once, but love always and forever."

You shouldn't have come here, honey.

You'd be safe in Camelot.

But in Camelot, I'd not be content.

You mean you're content here?

Whatever happens, we're together.

You really mean that, don't you, honey?

Yes, Hank. Now and for always.

♪ Don't you know

♪ Always isn't too much time ♪

Oh, that's so true. Don't you ever forget it either.

I won't, Hank.

Are you comfortable?

Mm-hmm.

♪ Once and for always

♪ Let's say that it's agreed ♪

♪ Wishing days are over

♪ This is all we need

♪ And tonight

♪ We'll notify the stars

♪ Above

♪ That once and for always

♪ And no less than always

♪ You and I will be

♪ In love

If we get separated,

get the pistol in the blacksmith shop.

- Aye, sire. - Come on, honey.

- Hank. Wait, please. - What? What's that?

I've a strange foreboding

after this night I'll not see thee again.

Oh, don't talk like that.

You take this, Hank, and whenever you look upon it,

remember thy love in Camelot.

His Majesty.

Come on, let's get out of this.

Who goes yonder?! Who goes?!

Guard! Guard!

We'd best run, Your Majesty.

Evil tidings, milord.

Sagramore has escaped, killing a guard in the process.

Hmm. He'll make for Camelot.

- Send men to overtake him. - Aye, sire.

And remove the girl to my tower.

And the other two prisoners?

The other two? Ah, yes.

Logris. I would have thee remind the king of a law

which he himself did place upon the statute books.

What law, sire?

If one slave of a household be guilty of murder,

then all male slaves of the same household...

Shall die with him.

Bring on the first prisoner.

- I have but one wish. - Yeah?

To catch this blasted flea before I die.

How much longer wouldst thou say?

The man said noon. It's about noon now.

Do you suppose I shall have to remove my comforter?

Oh, no, you'll catch cold again.

Supposeth thou could extract another miracle

from thy book of wonders?

It'd take an awful big stunt to get us out of this.

It'd take just about the biggest--

Wait a minute, if I remember right...

What day is this?

The 21st day of June in the year 528.

I think then, sire, I have your miracle.

- Is it a big one? - Oh, it's a whopper.

♪ Here's where I make a comeback ♪

After you, my friend. Please don't stand on ceremony.

Step aside, please. I have a few words to say.

My dear friends--

What manner of nonsense is this?

Die in humility, as becomes a slave.

Oh, that's the old routine. The trouble is we're not slaves.

Then who art thou?

Sir Boss, magician to King Arthur here.

Maker of miracles!

The mightiest wizard of them all!

Now listen, all of you, unless the king and I

and the rest of these prisoners are freed immediately,

I shall blot out the sun, and it will never shine again.

All right. Very well. You asked for it then.

Now with a few well-chosen words,

I shall blot out the sun forever.

Walla Walla, Washington!

Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania!

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

New York, New Haven, and Hartford leaving on track--

♪ Perth Amboy

Save us, O Mighty Sorcerer! Save us!

- Bring back the sun! - I beseech thee!

Release the sorcerer in heaven's name!

Release him! Release him!

Stay this calamity. I would rather die by the ax.

I'm sorry, sire. Even I can't stop this show.

- Free him! Free him! - Release him!

Free him!

Set the prisoners free!

The lord mayor speaketh! Set the prisoners free!

Very well. Hold it.

This is Sir Boss again! You can come out now!

♪ Olley, olley oxen free

All right, release us. Release His Majesty here.

Release all these prisoners.

How can I thank thee?

Show me how to get to Merlin's tower.

'Tis on the Inland Lake 'twixt in Camelot.

Thou wouldst go alone, unarmed?

Sandy's alone and unarmed, isn't she?

Wish me luck, sire. Come on. Release the king.

See you later.

Sir Boss. The king, is he--

Safe and sound in London. Did you bring the pistol?

- Aye, sir. - Give it over here.

- Where goest thou? - Sandy's in Merlin's tower.

Be not rash, sire. Let me come with thee.

Thanks, but you'd never be able to keep up on that nag.

Clarence, if anything happens, it's been nice knowing you.

'Tis our friend come to pay us a call.

Something's gone wrong.

Whatever's gone wrong will soon be right again.

Lower the drawbridge.

See that the girl is placed in the courtyard in plain view.

Understand?

Aye, sire.

Hank, go back! Flee for your life!

Hank.

Hank, thou must not leave me!

- Thou must not leave me! - Sandy...

Well, that's it.

When I came to, I was back in Connecticut.

And Old Man Miller-- he'd come looking for Tex--

was kneeling over me.

And Sandy?

Sandy?

Never saw her again.

Well...

Young man...

the view from the east parapet

is particularly lovely at this time of the afternoon.

Yes, sir.

The east parapet, mind you.

My niece is usually there about this time.

Thank you, sir. Good-bye.

I beg your pardon, uh...

Sandy.

How did you know my name?

I'm glad you asked me.

Won't you sit down? This may take a little time.

♪ Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho

♪ Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho