Original subtitles

Does anyone remember when exactly they first became aware of the world?

The first image they consciously remember?

I'm sure that very few do

But believe it or not, I'm one of them

This was my first image

My name is Jan Dara

I was born in the centre of Bangkok

I was given my first name by the man I called "Father”

I gave myself my family name

It was the name of my late mother

Believe it or not, when I was born...

...just after the midwife pulled me from the womb...

...my mother's life came to a sudden end

From that moment on my supposed father began to hate me

Jan-rai! (Damned bastard!)

Khun Luang, Khun Luang works for the government

Earns 20 bahts but lives like a rich man

Khun Luang, Khun Luang works for the government

Earns 20 bahts but lives like a rich man

Go away! Damned bastard!

Unfilial!

Why were you born?

Your birth killed your mother!

A real bastard!

Mother...

Mother...

This is Khun Luang, my 'father'

After Mother died, he displayed a great sadness

He announced he would never remarry

He ordered the household to observe mourning for 5 years

He resigned from his job, and lived on his pension

Grief prevented him from working

Why are you crying, wretch?

Shut up!

Stop! That's enough!

Waad, keep out of this!

Buapan, bring some clean water

Don't worry, dear, it'll heal in a day or two

This was different from the time he threw a cup and scared me

This time I saw blood

Mother!

This was many times more shocking and painful

Stop crying

I finally understood

Where the hell is everybody?

...how much he hated me

Lock him in the Green House!

I didn't expect to be punished for causing my mother's death

But this was my punishment...

...I was to be a boy without a father too

You asked for it!

You'll be with your mother soon enough!

Mother!

Mother!

Mother, I'm sorry I made you die!

I'm more sorry than anyone in the world!

I'm sorry!

Mother!

Jan!

Mother!

Jan!

After my mother died...

...Aunt Waad came from Pijit to Bangkok to look after me

She was like a real mother to me

The only person little me could rely on... for everything

Be strong! Don't be naughty or you'll get fever again

Where is my mother?

Aunt Waad, I miss my mother

Poor Jan, you must try to belong in this house

I miss...

...I want to smell mother's breast

I've never known mother's breast

I've never known mother's breast

Lie down, dear

Don't go, Aunt Waad

Let me lie down with mother's breast

Here, Jan, here is mother's breast

Mother...

I still don't know what it was...

...that made me exploit Aunt Waad's kindness so shamelessly

Go to sleep, my good boy

Anyhow, Aunt Waad was always kind to me

Always called me her "good boy"

Even on that day that gave me my first memory

I told you about it, remember?

Please, Khun Luang, he's watching us

So what? He shouldn't wake in the middle of the night!

Jan, dear, close your eyes

Jan!

Come and see your sister

Isn't she lovely?

See? Isn't she lovely?

Khun Waad wants to tell you she has given birth

Fine, now leave us alone!

Love her a lot, Jan

Let me see...

Damned Jan, this is none of your business!

Get out of here!

Another esteemed person arrived in the household

As soon as she could learn...

...her father taught her to despise me

Everyone else in the house called me "Khun Jan"

To her, I was "Damned Jan"

Khun Kaew, watch your step!

Mother, are you ready yet?

Just a moment, darling

A little closer, Ma'am... Stay still...

Smile...

One, two, three...

Saisoi, take Khun Kaew downstairs

Jan, come here

Don't take a picture with him!

He isn't your son or Father's son!

Why take a picture with him?

Jan, come and be photographed with me

Come closer, Jan

Smile, Jan

Ready?

One, two, three...

So this is me, Jan Visanan

To Khun Luang, always "Jan-rai" ("Damned Bastard")

Actually, I didn't mind him calling me that

He should have made it worse: "Son of a bastard!"

Then I'd have liked it more

Maybe he isn't my father anyway!

If I'm a bastard, where is my real father?

Don't waste your time trying to guess...

The story is rather sordid

I'll tell you later

"Vilairek Visanan"

Father and daughter were a perfect match

Khun Luang spent less time being angry with me...

...80 that he could spend more time teaching her to be just like him

Happily, fate brought other new faces into my life around that time

I had many of my formative experiences in those years

Khun Jan works so hard

Can I help you?

I'm moving in

Master's orders

Khen and Saisoi were made for each other

Khen was the son of a cook

Saisoi was brought in by Khun Luang as Kaew's nanny

If she wasn't taking care of Kaew or doing something for Khun Luang...

...she always disappeared into Khen's room

What are you doing out there? Come on!

Khen was like a best friend to me

He was two or three years older

We were very different, but got along fine

Khen introduced me to sex as a field sport

Being only 17, I had no experience of my own

Khun Jan... is so young!

Please, do him a favour

Khen, that's enough!

Khun Jan!

Khun Jan! It's all set!

Don't be nervous

Everyone's nervous the first time

I'll leave you

Khen...

...Khen!

Saisoi, if you don't want to...

Don't hold back, Khun Jan

After that first time, I had no trouble flying solo

Khun Luang made the house reek of sex

And so it wasn't hard for me to follow suit

"INTRODUCTION TO SEX"

Expecting someone?

My star performer Waen...

Let yourself go! This room is our harem!

Let's have a look over there!

I want to tear this down

Is there anything else?

Some of the materials can be reused

But most of them have been worn out...

I want to tear this down as well

According to this floor plan...

Aunt Waad, what's happening at the Green House?

They're tearing it down

Mother...

This is my Hyacinth

I met her at Teacher Salt's evening school

Before class every evening, I tried my best to get to know her

Excuse me

May I walk with you?

Let me help you!

You'd better go, it's late

You're still alone here this late?

Pa doesn't get back until 11

"Pa"?

My father

That gives us enough time!

Don't rush to bed, I'll come back to keep you company

I loved Hyacinth... I loved Hyacinth...

I told myself so every night

Of course, I didn't know what love was

But I felt sure that this was it

At the time I had no idea what comprised love

But my instincts were probably right

Khen, the young master's here

Khen, shall we go?

Later... let's go later...

Khen, let's go!

He looks great in that shirt

Just for tonight, Khen

I've been very patient, but you still won't share this girl with me

You want that she's old and shriveled before I get near her?

What the hell...

We'll talk about this later

What?

Khen, listen...

Why can't we have one girl we think well of?

Like the way I think well of my mother?

Thinking of a girl the way we think of our mothers?

I give up!

Khun Kaew!

Khen, don't hang around here

Or I'll have my father throw you... you and your mother out!

I was just giving him a scare

Let's play, Saisoi

Turn around and let me see

Once the Green House was pulled down...

...Khun Luang soon put up a new building

It was for another of my 'mothers', Khun Boonlueang

What's so interesting, Khun Jan?

Nothing

Help me catch it!

You should go now, then Pa will trust us more

You're back, Jan... Have you eaten?

Yes, I have

What's wrong?

What's wrong, Jan?

Aunt, do you know that lady in the new house?

Yes, she's Khun Boonlueang

Khun Boonlueang

She was with your father before he married your mother

Bastard!

Wait, Jan, your father had very good reason...

...to marry your mother

I know that, Aunt Waad

The more I learn, the more I hate him

I just hate him, don't worry about it

Wait... what do you know? Who told you?

I found out myself that Khun Luang cannot be my father

That's enough for me

What if you found out you were wrong?

If Khun Luang were my real father, I'd rather burn in hell

Goodness, nephew Jan is doing the honours today!

Where the hell is Waen? How dare you come here?

Never mind, Khun Luang

It's good that he comes here once in a while

We should get to know each other

Jan is like a son - a child to me

What do you think?

Thank you

Where the hell have you been, Waen? You're getting worse!

I was helping Poom in the kitchen

Serve us!

Yes, sir

Now that Waen's here, you can get out!

Visit me again, Jan

May I have your permission, Khun Luang?

I can help you to discipline him

Khun B, just treat him as one of the servants

He's not worth more than that

Hear that? Now you have another aunt

You don't need to keep our distance

Thank you, aunt

I wish I could come every day

Good, my nephew

From that moment, I was no longer a member of Khen's harem

If I wasn't with Hyacinth, I'd rush to Khun Boonlueang's house

Help yourself, Jan

If there's anything you don't understand, ask me

Thank you so much

Khun Kaew!

Khun Kaew!

Khun Kaew!

Khun Kaew! Don't go!

Khun Kaew!

Khen!

Calm down! What's wrong?

Watch out, Khen!

What was all that about?

I haven't a bloody clue

Really? I don't believe it

You've done something disgusting, haven't you?

I wouldn't dare!

Khun Kaew!

Khun Kaew!

Sorry

Hyacinth...

No, nothing...

Sweet dreams

President Hoover receives their Majesties in White House"

Hyacinth...

Khun B...

What did you call me?

Is there a problem with my ears?!

My dear, only your father calls me "Khun B"

It seems I must stop thinking of you as a child...

Stop staring at me

Wait outside

The lady should be able to wash herself in private

You can't resist peeping?

Silly boy, what good will that do you?

I didn't know you were in the bathroom!

I thought you'd gone upstairs with your book and dozed off

I'm terribly sorry... I really am

All I wanted was to wash myself

I don't think you're sorry at all

I think you're actually quite happy

That's no need to explain!

Now you've seen all of me... I can ask you a favor

Wash yourself first, and make sure your hands are clean

Then come upstairs

Wash your feet too

Can I trust you to help me, Jan?

Take a piece of ice and run it along my back

It's so hot!

I've ordered a bathtub, but they still haven't delivered it

I'd love to soak in cool water

That's enough for today... Thank you

Please give this to Khun Waad for me

With my best regards

Khun Jan!

Big trouble!

Saisoi is pregnant!

I've always treated you well

But since you don't treat yourself so well...

...| have to let you go

Khun Kaew...

Let's go home, Saisoi

Let's go

We don't have to stay in this house any longer

You should learn to take pictures if you have the chance

Yes

Always remember that you need plenty of light

Jan, give me a moment, then come to me

It's so hot today...

May I...?

What?

Your face is burning hot!

You know what? I'll tell you a secret

I was planning to leave your father

He... I...

You're a big help to me

You're a grown man now

I need to depend on you

Have you been waiting long?

I thought you weren't coming

I said I would

Have you been smoking?

Can you smell it?

It's quite strong

I'm sorry

Why? Be yourself!

You know that better than I do

Are you leaving?

What's the rush?

I'll see you tomorrow

"Dear Hyacinth, I..."

Open this door!

Help! Whoever's there, help!

Khen!

Khun Jan! Let me explain!

Khun Kaew wanted me

She told me to tie up her hands like that

She said she'd accuse me of something bad if I didn't do it

That's enough, I understand

I think she's got you this time, Khen

Never mind, as long as you believe me

Mother!

Jan brought me here and tried to molest me!

Mother!

Keep away from me, you bastard!

Khen tried to help me and you hit him!

Oh... Khen!

Ma, stay out of this!

Are you hurt?

I give up

Are you hurt?

Ma'am! Ma'am!

You damned ungrateful bastard!

Don't believe everything she says

You don't need to remind me that Kaew is my daughter

I know her too well...

But who made her like this? You did!

You have spoiled our girl, Khun Luang

She's barely human!

Mother, how dare you say that!

Kaew!

Don't, Waad, the child is in shock

She doesn't mean it

Let me take the blame

Khun Luang can whip me as much as he wants

No chance

Give me your hands

Swear that you won't tell

Jan, the Master wants you in the Main House

You've sworn

You should side with your daughter, not with that damned boy!

You know, there's something I've been meaning to say to you

I think the moment has come

You don't satisfy me... you know what I mean?

How can you say that, Khun Luang?

I came to this house for my dear cousin's sake

Jan is more than my nephew, he means more to me than my own child

That girl is hardly even my daughter

Just a wicked child you stuffed into my belly

I pushed her out for you, that's all

Waad, have you lost your senses?

Do I have to remind you...

I am the master of this house!

It may once have belonged to your cousin , but...

Father, there he is!

Khun Luang, don't touch him!

What is your excuse?

How could you do this to my daughter, you damned bastard? Jan-rail!

If Poom's son hadn't stepped in, what would have happened?

Jan-rail

You damn son-of-a-thief!

You're tainted by your origins!

This is the limit! I have no strength to go on with this charade!

He has brought this on himself!

He's lucky I don't have him arrested!

This is the end! No more!

Where do you think he can go?

The boy has no-one else to turn to

Boy? He's old enough to stir my jealousy!

I can't stand you embracing him!

Where do you think he can go?

Who cares? Dogs survive on the streets

Or he can go back to live with the criminals he came from

Jan, tell me, is there any truth in what Kaew says?

Whatever you think

Still up to the same tricks!

I want nothing more to do with you

Listen, from now on you have no further connection with this house!

You may no longer use my surname 'Visanan'

Call yourself whatever you like! Be 'Jan Bastard' for all I care!

Wait! I have never wanted your surname

'Jan Bastard' will suit me fine

But this was my mother's house and I'm her son!

So why can't I stay here?

I'm sorry...

You can't stay because I won't give house-room to scum like you!

Because I'm kicking you out of my house!

You understand? This is my house!

You don't understand, do you?

To understand, you need to know how you came to be born...

You son-of-a-thief!

Don't go on, Khun Luang, I'll tell him myself

Good! You tell him and put him back in his place

And make sure he leaves this house!

Let's go

Father!

Not yet!

I haven't punished you yet! You can't get off Scott-free!

Bastard!

Have you forgotten?

We have nothing to do with each other any more!

Jan-rail

Jan-rail

Don't!

Khun Luang! Don't!

Get the hell out of my house or I'll shoot you like a stray dog!

Go, dear, go...

Ma'am!

Ma'am, I...

Jan!

Go to Pijit and stay with your grandfather for a while

Stay there until this has all died down

Tell me, Aunt Waad: who's my father?

Jan...

It's time you know

I'm sorry we kept the truth from you all this time

It isn't so easy to explain...

It's a horrible story

Your mother was only 18

She came to visit us in Pijit

Everyone was entranced by her beauty

Who'd have guessed her beauty would cause such a tragedy?

I had a boyfriend at that time

I kept him a secret because he was poor and a bit of a roughneck

His name was Jom

He seized your mother, with two of his friends

It took the police almost a month to track them down...

I'm sure you can guess the rest

Yes, it's exactly what you're thinking

When my mother came home to Bangkok, she found she was pregnant

To avoid scandal, Grandfather had to find someone to marry her

That is, someone to be my 'father'

And he came up with this Khun Luang

While I was away in Pijit, I found out more about my real father

But believe it or not, just a few years later I was called back to Bangkok

Aunt Waad needed her "good boy" to help solve a serious problem

We'll hold the wedding on Sunday

Nothing grand

We won't bother with the religious ceremonies

No need to bring in any monks

They'll live in a bedroom in Khun B's house

We'll transfer the deeds to the house the same day

Some officials will come to supervise the paperwork

Great! Everything's settled!

Now, let's go to shop for the wedding

Please excuse us...

I'd like to talk with Khun Luang a little longer

You know what I'm going to ask...

What do you want?

You're staring at me as if you've never seen me before!

You've changed! I was just admiring you

Don't try to be nice to me

And don't even think of having marital relations with me

Oh, you're a wicked one!

You've shamed your parents and you think you can judge others?

Why did you do it?

Nothing else with two legs available for you?

Don't worry

For the sake of your mother and the baby, I'll keep your secret

But don't imagine I'm doing this because I like you...

...or because I want you as a real wife

Damn you!

Jan! When did you get back?

Hyacinth fell ill while I was away

It was typhoid, and it killed her

She died here, in her own bedroom

Apparently her Pa moved out soon afterwards

No one could say where he'd gone

The happiness I'd been looking forward to

Instead I faced the bleakest possible future

Khun B invites you to her house for dinner tonight

You said you wanted to talk to me before the wedding

Yes, about many things

Sit down

Many things...

The first thing is...

Does anyone else know about this? Does Khun Boonlueang?

Know about what?

Who got you pregnant! I know, but does she know?

Does she know or not?

Don't just shake your head! Does Khun B know?

Khun B doesn't know

Then keep it absolutely secret

No-one must know, especially not Aunt Waad or Khun B

If I ever find that it has leaked out...

...I'lll kill you with my bare hands, I promise

Bastard Jan! How dare you!

I'll soon be your husband

So this is the last time I'll say this

Never talk to me like that again!

If you do, I will hurt you so badly you will never forget the pain

And if the disgusting truth ever comes out...

...and embarrasses your kind mother...

... will Kill you

You hear me?

Good evening

This house is now in the name of Mr Jan Dara

That's not necessary

We no longer owe each other anything

In this incarnation, Khun Luang and I will always be enemies...

I think I'll be fighting him until the end of time

Where's my mother?

Who took my mother away?

Aunt Waad, where's my mother?

Your mother hasn't gone

Khun Luang just moved her into the library

Give me back my mother!

Give me back my mother!

What the hell are you doing in here?

Are you looking for that?

Here!

Give me back my mother!

Give me back my mother!

Give me back my mother!

Khun Jan, another drink?

Jan! I'd been looking for you!

Is this your mother?

What's wrong, Jan?

Are you alright?

Don't sit there!

Khun Luang always used that chair for sex

Finally, I'm no better than Khun Luang!

Right in front of my own mother...

...more evil than him!

What are you doing?

What?

Don't

I locked it because I don't want anyone barging in here

Don't worry

Just for tonight

Chom, let me see the baby

Everything is fine

This home-brew is like medicine!

Young man, are you two in love?

You need to ask that?

Your answer tell me every thing I need to know

I should tell you something...

Breathe deeply! Push!

Again!

A little bit more!

Alright, I can see the head

"Appree" ("cursed")

She mouthed the word "appree”

She obviously meant it

Then she lost consciousness

That's not so odd

Maybe she was imagining things

Did Aunt Waad hear her?

No, she was holding the baby

Khun Kaew didn't say the word aloud

As the owner of the house, I registered the baby as "Pree Dara"

I took the name from the word that Kaew mouthed after giving birth

From "appree” to "Pree Dara”

Why the hell is it crying?

There were changes after Pree was born

Khun Luang moved into Khun Boonlueang's house

I thought I'd be the last child you'd have to raise

Now there's a new baby

That's what worries me, Jan

If anything should happen to me...

...you'd be the only one to care for him

His mother doesn't want to know

But I'm so tired of this life

I want to go back to Pijit to change my life

You're strong and dependable

Next, Khun Boonlueang asked me to move into the Main House

I'm surprised that Khun Luang owns a book as good as this!

Really!

This is the only one he has about sex

Did you know that Khun Luang has become impotent?

Since when?

Since the trouble with Khun Kaew

The Pacific War broke out some 3 years after that

Aunt Waad went back to Pijit and became a nun, as she wanted to

She chose this time to leave because the household seemed quiet and settled

Poom!

Nian, where is Khun Boonlueang? And Khun Kaew?

I didn't see them!

Khun Kaew! Khun Boonlueang!

Khun Kaew! Khun Boonlueang!

I want to talk to you about that night

Please don't be angry with Khun B

It was all my fault

When did it start?

When you left for Pijit

I had no-one, and neither did she

She told me she planned to leave father and go back home

I knew very well why she wanted to leave

I knew very well

Why are you telling me this?

I want you to get back together with Khun Boonlueang

Get back together?

Yes, like before

You can sleep with her any time you want

All I ask is that we share her sometimes

Alright

But I want something in return

What?

A baby

I want a child...

...a child of my own

The girl I loved is dead

Khun Boonlueang can't have a baby

The only possible mother is you

Not a chance, damned Jan!

You've brought this on yourself!

Anyhow, we're married. We should have a baby!

Khun Jan... Khun Jan!

It's Khun Kaew...

After that, I never forced myself on Khun Kaew again

Oddly enough,I found that I'd become impotent too

I can't make love to any woman

Not even Khun Boonlueang, the one who taught me all I know

Khun Kaew turned the house into her own small empire

As for Khun Luang...

The only sign of life he showed was breathing

There's still one story I haven't finished telling you

Maybe you remember?...

It's the one about my real father

My grandfather told me the whole ugly truth about it

I told Aunt Waad about it, then pretended to forget...

...so that I wouldn't have to tell you good people

It's worse than you imagine

Anyhow, since you're so kind, I'll tell you

If you ever catch sight of a man on the street...

You might bump into him, or find him sitting next to you at a movie...

A decent-looking middle-aged man...

Quite well-dressed, not badly off...

But somehow forlorn and hopeless...

Please be kind enough to feel some compassion for him

English subtitles : Tony RAYN