Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[SCREAMS]

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

[SCREAMING]

[MACHINE POWERS UP]

[GRUNTING]

[THRILLING MUSIC]

[GATE UNLOCKS, OPENS]

[LAUGHTER]

[CALM MUSIC]

[BELL DINGING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[CHATTER]

As you all know, we are nearing a holiday.

Certain students will not be granted permission

to leave the campus.

This evening, the following students

will report to Ms. Nancy Crowley for reassignment

to new dormitory rooms.

Please stand when your name is called.

Madeline Mulligan,

Carla Gray,

Penny Archer,

Greta Anderson,

Betsy Benton,

Sandy Turner--

Ms. Sandy Turner.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I trust you have an excuse for being so late, young lady.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter.

I was studying my geology lesson.

I forgot all about the assembly.

That's enough backtalk, Ms. Turner!

Report to Ms. Crowley after this assembly.

Now, these names that I'm about to read off

will also remain here.

[CALM MUSIC]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

But Greta, what could I do about it?

Mr. Baxter, had every right to ask me why I was late.

It was my own dumb fault.

He tried to make a fool of you, Sandy.

And I won't stand for it.

That chauvinist pig better not try it again.

Just because he's the principal doesn't give him any right

to talk to you that way.

Well, I can't worry about it now.

I have to study for that algebra exam.

A few good karate chops would show that Baxter were not

the inferior sex by god.

Hi, Alice.

We got the same room.

Hey, Maddie.

What's happening?

Could I have this bed near the window?

You're not going anyplace.

Be my guest.

But I'd watch that first step.

It's a long one.

Hi.

Hi, Carol.

Jesus.

Hey, I thought I was big, but this is ridiculous.

What size are you?

Logically, D-cup.

What kind of exercises are you using?

I've got some great ones.

Look at this.

[LAUGHS] Fantastic.

Female has a slightly heavier layer of fat.

Since rabbits are in the rodent family,

their reproduction cycle is very closely akin

to that of the common mouse.

If you will note, the reproductive

organ of the male--

[TIMER RINGING]

Oh, my, my, my, my-- it's time.

[GROANING]

It's to leave.

Pity, pity, pity.

[GROANING]

Thank you, ladies.

Thank you.

[CHATTER]

(WHISPERING) I know you fancy him.

Miles really doesn't do anything for me.

What do you seeing him?

(WHISPERING) Don't ask me why, Penny?

But I think he's really a sexy man.

[CHUCKLES] But goddamn, Betsy, he

must be at least 50 years old.

I know.

But he's so sweet.

He reminds me of my uncle.

[CHUCKLES] Probably, he's as limp as a dish rag.

Give me a stud anytime.

So we better hurry.

Greta wants a meeting of all the girls before exercise classes.

Right.

All right, girls, now since this is the last exercise

class of the year, we're really going

to teach that Baxter a lesson.

What have you got planned, Greta?

Simple plan, we're not going to wear our bras to class today.

Oh, Greta.

We can't do that.

Doctor Baxter will be furious.

Great!

That's exactly what I want.

We'll show that chauvinist pig.

[CHEERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Ms. Crowley, will you please tell

the girls to wear their brassieres

during their exercises.

If one of the members of the Board of Trustees

were to come by, it would be quite difficult to explain.

Yes, Timothy.

I'll tell them right after this session.

Besides, it's for their own good.

All that bouncing and jiggling, it looks obscene.

I understand, Timothy.

Ms. Crowley, I've asked you not to be so familiar with me

during school hours.

I'm sorry, Tim--

Mr. Baxter.

OK, girls.

That's it for today.

Hit the showers.

Let's go!

[CHATTER]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

[CALM MUSIC]

Hi, James.

Take me for a ride?

Hey, I can dig it.

[ENGINE STARTS]

I hope you're prepared to deliver the goods today, James.

Service is our business, ma'am.

And we aim to please.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Hey, isn't that a chick down there in that vegetable truck?

It sure the hell is.

Yes, yes.

Looks like someone who's trying to do his thing.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Ooh.

Goddamn.

Shit.

Ooh.

If I was in that truck, that little koozie

would really have a king-sized thrill.

Chances are she couldn't even handle it.

It flies out in a fruitcake.

You talk about the bottom of the barrel.

Now, look, look, are we going over the escape plans?

Or are we going to spend all afternoon watching

some chick do her thing?

Ooh.

Yes, yes.

I bet he's going to take her off on some dirt road

and slam it to her.

We'll be out of here in 24 hours.

Right, Carl?

You can wait that long, can't you, Dickie?

Ooh, I've got to get me a woman.

I've been doing without it for a long, long time.

Yes, yes.

Well, if they didn't catch you flashing your meat--

Oh.

--that could be in that truck down there.

Yes.

I bet she'd rather be with me.

Boy, would she get a workout.

Man, if I'm not the best--

oh!

Sure would like to see just who he is.

Author, author.

[LAUGHS]

Now, listen, Butch brothers, this--

this is how we're going to do it.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[INHALES]

How are you and our biology teacher, old Mr. Miles,

making it?

Oh, you know, he doesn't even know that I'm alive.

Why didn't you try to turn on that gym instructor, you know,

big Steve Steel?

Oh, no, never.

He's too big.

What do you mean he's too big?

Oh, god.

If he ever did anything to me, he'd tear me apart.

Besides, you forget, I'm very tiny.

A little stretching never hurt a girl.

Huh.

Besides, you get a lot more action from him

than you would that old man Miles

who looks like he's about to drop dead of a heart attack.

Please, Penny, I'd rather not talk about it right now.

[INHALES]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

And now the latest news--

in a daring daylight maneuver today, three

convicted sexual deviants escaped

from the maximum security ward of the State asylum.

The trio was led by Carl C. Clooney, a former comic

and impersonator with a long history of terrifying people

with threats of sexual violence.

Ironically, Clooney had never actually harmed

any of his victims and was scheduled

for parole in six months.

Hospital authorities are quoted at being amazed at the escape

as Clooney had appeared to be responding

very well to his treatments.

The two men who broke out with Clooney

are also classified as psychotics.

One is Bruce Wilson, a former award-winning dress designer,

who was quite prominent in society circles.

Wilson is described as a latent homosexual

and is considered psychologically unbalanced

because--

He's the last person in the world to call the kettle black.

Why, her list of sexcapade for the Navy master's at Johnson.

That's not the point, Martha.

Your indiscretions are causing me an awful lot

of embarrassment at the office.

Why, only yesterday, Mr. Thompson

called me in to inquire if everything was OK at home.

Huh.

That impotent old windbag?

Did you tell him that his wife, Sadie, has

a room at the Shady Lane Motel?

Reserved every afternoon for her own private R&R.

Why, she knows more sailors than the secretary of the Navy.

That has nothing to do with our situation.

If you cannot control your sexual obsession,

would you at least try and act more discreet?

Honestly, boss, I don't have--

Ellie.

Ellie.

Why don't we go on a nice, little Italian restaurant?

Ellie, you've been in the Bourbon again.

(ON TV) I'm sorry, boss.

Yeah.

Well, just because you don't drink whiskey,

ain't no reason why I should do a Dr. Pepper number.

Ellie, I wish you wouldn't talk to me that way.

You ought to give me some respect.

Respect?

Hah.

There's a lot more than I get.

If you could get your mind off the farm just one night,

we might scare up a little excitement.

Sex, sex, sex.

You know, that's all you ever talk about.

Sex.

[TV PLAYING]

You know something, Ellie?

You might consider cleaning this place up a little

instead of watching soap operas all day and sitting around half

naked.

A lot of good it does me.

I haven't had any in so long, I plumb

forgot what it feels like.

Well, it don't help none to keep on swilling that rotgut!

Yeah, well, listen here, Farmer Brown.

It don't hurt nothing either.

--to get your things whiter than white.

This is Mark Landers extending an invitation for you

to, again, visit The Folks Who Live on the Hills.

As a general rule, cold-blooded animals

are restricted in their reproductive cycles,

insofar as they-- well, they are entirely

at the mercy of the elements.

And they must depend totally upon solar energy

to maintain their body heat at optimum level.

Now, since the female cannot conceive at temperatures less

than up--

[TIMER RINGING]

Oh, my, my-- I didn't realize how late it was.

Well, we'll pick up on the reproductive cycle

of the reptiles at our next class.

That'll be all for today, ladies.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

[CHATTER]

Oh, Betsy, my dear, I wonder if you

wouldn't mind helping an old man carry some books.

I'm afraid my old heart isn't as strong as it used to be.

[BELL DINGING]

Oh, how interesting.

Over here, my dear.

Thank you for helping an old man with his burden.

Perhaps a glass of iced tea would do nicely

on such a warm day, don't you think?

Oh, that sounds wonderful, Mr. Miles.

Fine, fine.

Just look around, why don't you?

[RADIO STATIC]

[RADIO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

Oh, how beautiful.

Here we are, Betsy.

Oh, your collection is wonderful.

I have so much more in storage.

You know, biology is my favorite subject.

My roommate and I, Penny, talk about you all the time.

It isn't wise to gulp liquid so rapidly, especially

on such a warm day.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Miles.

I guess I was really thirsty.

All things in moderation, my dear.

Gosh, I shouldn't have gulped that iced tea all at once.

I'm feeling a little dizzy.

It'll pass.

It'll pass, my child.

It looks as though you are getting quite sleepy.

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Uh-huh, I feel fine.

You will notice that the eagle has a dilated pupil.

When you look directly into it, you

might imagine a bottomless pit.

Your eyelids are getting quite heavy.

Oh, heavy, heavy, drowsy eyelids.

You will relax until I say the word "shipwreck."

When you awaken, you will leave this cottage

and completely forget having been here.

Until then, you will do exactly as I say.

Carl Clooney was once a very talented mimic

and impersonator.

When his booking was canceled at the Palace Theater,

his mind suddenly snapped.

And he went berserk.

Clooney was definitely termed as the leader and instigator

of the escape.

In addition to Clooney, the trio consisted

of Richard Peters, a former professional baseball player.

Richard "Big Dick" Peters, convicted of indecent exposure

and rape no less than seven times in the past 10 years.

Citizens in a radius of 50 miles are

warned to be on the lookout for these three men.

Roadblocks have been set up on all roads leading

into and out of the county.

Every available officer has been called into the search

for the three escaped lunatics.

We must repeat, these men are exceptionally dangerous.

And all citizens are warned to contact the nearest Sheriff's

office in the event these men are spotted.

It's terribly warm in here, Betsy.

Why don't we remove some of those heavy clothes?

[RADIO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

You must remember to forget.

Is this how Daniel Boone became famous?

Are you sure we're going the right way, Clooney?

If you guys don't stop yapping, I'm

going to take you back to the loony bin.

Promises, promises.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

(SINGING) Oh, it's not very nice what

you tried to do to your man.

I worked all day, slaving away, and making what I can.

And your hands are really soft.

And I'm sorry I got off.

You're holding all my love in the palm of your hand.

Oh, your hands are too soft.

I'm sorry, Ellie.

(SINGING) And I'm sorry I got off.

You got my love in the palm of your hand.

When life gets too drab, you can take another grab.

You got my love in the palm of your hand.

Now, back to the weather.

The weather promises to remain the same

for the next several days as the heatwave continues.

Temperatures were extremely high today

for the 14th consecutive day.

Farmers in the upstate area are in danger of severe crop loss

unless there is a break in temperatures soon.

Lows tonight will be exceptionally high.

And the highs tomorrow will be even higher than today.

The mercury soared to its highest reading

at approximately 2:00 PM.

This is your weather girl Simon saying, come rain, hail, snow,

or shine--

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

I'll be with you tomorrow night on time.

[MOANING]

[ACTION MUSIC]

[MOANING]

(WHISPERING) What do you see?

(WHISPERING) I see a fat, old man in the chair.

And I think he's asleep.

[MOANING]

[GASPING]

(WHISPERING) Oh, wow.

She's got to be soaking wet.

I want to give her the real thing.

I want to give her the time of her life.

Shh.

It might be a trap.

What's the old man doing now?

He's over in the corner in an easy chair.

And he is definitely asleep.

Goddamn.

I haven't been this hard in a year.

Shh!

Don't worry.

You'll get your quiff.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Dick.

[MOANING]

Psst!

[PANTING]

[SNORING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) Please don't do that to that lady--

[MOANING]

(SINGING) --'cause she's a friend of mine.

[SNORING] Huh?

Oh, what-- oh, what are you-- ow, ow!

One wrong move, old man, and I'll break your arm.

All right, Farmer Brown, let's go check out

the vibrator action.

(SINGING) --love bites.

If you do--

What a tub.

[SCREAMS]

Hello, baby.

What do you want?

[GRUNTS]

I'll call the police!

And frankly, I don't give a damn, Scarlett.

Now you lay in bed and be quiet.

Don't worry, lady.

I got something that's really good for you.

If you touch her, I'm going to kill you.

[GRUNTING]

The keys, eh, see?

Give me the keys to the truck.

Thank you.

Willie, you hold the keys.

I'm going to check this place out.

Dickie, you start without me.

The plantation is all yours.

Yeah.

Oh, rat.

You turn me loose, you bastard, I'll take you

both on one at each time.

Ah.

Get him out of here, Bruce, while I

give this little lady a thrill.

[GRUNTING]

Ow!

Ah!

You better be nice to her, Dickie.

Carl will be very upset with you if you

do something he doesn't like.

Don't worry about a thing, Brucey boy.

Just keep the old man away from me while I do his woman proper.

No, please.

You wouldn't dare.

Earl, do something!

Get ready, baby.

Earl comes in here, he'll kill you.

What are you talking about?

Just lie back and relax.

You're about to get the best in the west.

[COUNTRY MUSIC]

What should I do with this huge load?

Put him in a chair so we keep an eye on him.

[GRUNTING]

What the sex freak doing?

Guess.

[MOANING]

Sounds like he's killing it.

Oh.

I'm a married woman.

Don't you understand?

Yeah, mama, I understand.

Just lie back and enjoy it.

Ah.

Yeah, he's had a pretty rough time, all right.

Carlota, what a divine outfit.

[LAUGHS] Thank you.

I think I need me a drink.

[MOANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING] I remember that night when I saw you.

Goodnight, Tammy Wynette.

[MOANING]

Oh!

It's Randolph Scott.

This is positively indecent.

You damn right.

Look what that obnoxious horse is doing.

Why, it's positively obscene, darling.

Earl, you aren't watching.

That's dumb Randolph.

A piano!

Earl, you're such a cab.

[CHUCKLES]

[MOANING]

["TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR" PLAYS ON PIANO]

Brucey boy, the nectar of the gods.

Hey, old timer, this'll make you feel better.

Mm.

Come on.

Have a drink.

You'll feel better.

No.

Going to feel real good now.

That's it.

Now you're going to be all right.

[COUGHING AND CHOKING]

[PIANO PLAYING]

(WITH LISP) Splendid, simply splendid.

[LAUGHTER]

[PANTING]

Oh, Earl.

This vermin is like a vicious animal.

Mmm.

[PIANO PLAYING]

Ah.

(SINGING) Old MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. And on his farm, he had a wife.

E-I-E-I-O. With a big jug here.

And a big jug there.

A jug there.

A jug there.

Jug here.

Jug everywhere.

[LAUGHTER]

Old MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. Old MacDonald had a wife.

E-I-E-I-O.

With a vibrator here.

And a vibrator there.

And a buzz, buzz, buzz.

And a buzz, buzz, buzz.

And a buzz!

[LAUGHS]

And a whoo!

Whoo.

[LAUGHTER]

Old MacDonald had a farm. (HIGH-PITCHED SINGING)

E-I-E-I-O!

[MOANING]

What's that animal doing to poor Ellie?

Sounds fine to me.

Dickie's such a demented boy.

When he says he's going to get some, he gets it.

[MOANING] I can't fight any more, Earl.

He's so big.

Oh!

That's it.

Seven years without is much too long.

Can you dig it, baby?

I swear I'm going to kill both of you.

Oh, come on.

Here, have a drink.

Go ahead.

[GRUNTING]

[BELCHES]

Goddamn.

Anything this good can't be bad.

Oh.

Oh, it feels so good.

Mmm, don't stop.

Can you believe what those nuts in the White House are doing?

They're ruining our country.

Sex, sex, sex.

It's all she ever thinks of.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in years.

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES] Hey, I'm still going to kill you.

[LAUGHTER]

[PIANO PLAYING]

My son, Carl, is not a bad boy.

He just likes a little fun.

He's just a born practical joker and likes to scare people.

But he'd never, ever hurt anyone in his whole life.

Why, he wouldn't harm a fly.

They were just scared a little.

[MOANING]

(SINGING) And a big jug here.

[LAUGHS]

A big jug there.

Old MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O!

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, would you boys

mind doing me a little favor?

Sure, old timer.

What is it?

Will you lock me in the closet and then tell Ellie

that I just put up one hell of a battle in her honor?

[LAUGHTER]

What a marooned.

Hey, hey.

If you do that for me, I won't kill you.

[LAUGHTER]

OK, old timer.

But first, one more chorus.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

(SINGING) Old MacDonald had a farm.

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

They sure beat the hell out of those four guards.

Mmm.

And you have no idea which way they went?

No, sir.

It's anybody's guess where they went.

They sound like really rough men.

Yeah.

There's no telling what they'd do

if they spotted a whole schoolyard full of women.

Well, most of the campus will be empty because of the holiday.

After tomorrow, there will only be a dozen girls.

And I've got them all together in one section of the dorm.

Well, we won't be far away if you need us, Mr. Baxter.

Well, thank you, Officer.

I certainly hope I don't have to make that call.

That was a good demonstration of the backstroke.

Now this time, we'll give the breaststroke a try.

And please no jokes.

All right, girls.

On your marks, get ready, get set.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Oh, here comes Timothy Tight-ass.

Ms. Crowley, I'd like to talk to you a moment.

How come he never smiles?

I don't know.

But he better not try anything with Sandy.

What would he do, do you think?

Well, whatever it is, he better just forget it.

I don't worry about him.

His only interest is Ms. Crowley.

Do you think he and her are--

Greta, what have you been teaching this girl?

Maybe we should turn Baxter on to a couple of those zappers.

[LAUGHTER]

Greta, would you please have them do some freestyle?

I'll be right back, girls.

Yes, Ms. Crowley.

1, 2, 3, go!

[WATER SPLASHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTER]

I just talked to the State Highway Patrol.

They haven't recaptured those three men that

escaped from the insane asylum.

They've got roadblocks set up everywhere, haven't they?

Yes, Ms. Crowley.

It's only a matter of time.

But my responsibility is to these girls.

Very well.

Would you like me to cancel the karate classes

tonight, Dr. Baxter?

No, that won't be necessary.

There's no reason to create a panic unnecessarily.

Listen, I've got an idea.

Why don't you come along and learn some basic karate moves?

No, no.

I'll be back at 9:00 PM to escort the girls back

to the dormitory.

You should be finished by then.

(SINGING) E-I-E-I-O. And a moo-moo here.

And a moo-moo there.

A moo-moo there, a moo-moo there--

[TIRES SCREECH]

--had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. [VOCALIZING]

[LAUGHTER]

That farmer was so dumb.

Can you imagine wanting to be locked in a closet?

I think he's a closet queen.

[LAUGHS]

Well, you didn't have to slap the woman like that.

Oh, well, she didn't have to call me a lesbian.

I don't have to take that from any silly bitch.

It was her own fault.

[LAUGHS] Hell, I think she liked it, Lavender.

She's a first class freak.

Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

I was ready, eh, Clooney?

What do I know?

She sure was a screamer, though.

[LAUGHTER]

Whoa.

Can't you slow this stagecoach down a bit?

I think I'm getting sick to my stomach with all this wheeze,

and a-bounce, and a-- whoa.

Oh, sure, pardon me.

I'll just pull over the main road.

We'll stop at a motel so you can get some rest.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, he's right, Clooney.

You better slow down.

This road is getting worse and worse.

Ah!

Anytime you guys want to slow down, you just open a door,

and you jump out.

I'm driving this rig.

And I'm not stopping for nothing.

You get me?

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[BANGS ON DASHBOARD]

What's wrong, Clooney?

We're out of gas, meathead.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

You mean you never checked the gauge?

Sure, sure, Mae West.

After I got the gun, the knife, the whip, and the hat,

it was the next thing on my list.

Tell you what you see, sex and sin.

Plain and simple!

The devil has taken over the entire world!

Topless dancers, pornographic films, dirty magazines,

group sex.

Well, I could go on and on!

But friends, the handwriting is on the wall.

The eternal fires of damnation are waiting for sex sinners.

To keep this ministry going, please send your contributions

to the Ministry of Peace.

Tulsa, Okla--

State Police Chief Chester Atkins

reported that they made off with the farmer's pickup truck.

It is described as a red and white 1972 Ford.

Unfortunately, the farmer was far too

intoxicated to recall the license number of the vehicle.

Chief Atkins has alerted the entire--

You know something?

Hey, you guys want to know something?

Well, hell, I'm going to tell you anyhow.

I want me some pussy.

[SPITS]

All citizens are warned to be on the lookout for these three

men.

Do not try to apprehend them alone.

Repeating that number once again, 844-3000.

That's 844-3000.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

What do you think, Carl?

I think it'd be wise to lay low right here.

Moving cross that open space wouldn't exactly

be Phi Beta Kappa.

What kind of buildings are those?

They look like a college or a hospital or something.

Damn, I'm starved.

How long you think it'll be before it gets dark?

A couple of hours, maybe.

Well, I can't wait that long.

I'm too damn hungry.

You guys ran through the goddamn forest like Tarzan.

Man, we got to get some food.

How about you, Nancy?

I suppose your belly is stretching your ass too, huh?

Well, to tell you the truth, darling,

food wouldn't be such a bad idea.

But I didn't wear myself out with that douchebag last night.

That Ellie has got some great poontang pussy, boy.

I'll tell you the truth.

It's against my better judgment, but I'm a little hungry myself.

There doesn't seem to be anybody around.

And that don't mean shit.

It could be a trap.

And I don't feel like walking in and no goddamn trap!

Will you tell me one thing, Carl?

Have you ever been accused of being paranoid?

I say, let's take a chance.

[SHOUTING]

Mr. Baxter.

Bye.

[CLAMORING]

Thank god they're gone.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Ooh!

Terrific!

Terrific.

Yes.

I'm starving.

Glad you're still alive, Mr. [INAUDIBLE]..

Petite pate?

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Anyone want my sweet Christmas pie?

I never touch this stuff.

For you.

Thank you, darling.

Mm.

Mm, mm, mm.

Have you a serviette.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Mm, that is good.

Goddamn, this chow is great.

(BUGS BUNNY VOICE) Not bad.

Not bad.

Not bad?

It's better than Howard Johnson's.

[LAUGHS]

This is Mr. Baxter.

Those students who have abided by the rules and regulations

have left for the holidays.

I want to take a moment to advise all of you who

are remaining on campus that there'll

be no change in our regular schedule.

Mm, mm.

Uniforms will be worn as usual and with the proper degree

of modesty.

Yeah, yeah.

Meals will be served at the appointed hours.

And of course, all lights will be turned off promptly

at 10:00 PM.

What is this dump anyway?

Well, like a goddamn prison to me.

Yeah, another frying pan into the fire.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm not finished yet.

Yeah, well, use two hands, meathead.

Several of the faculty have volunteered to remain on campus

and will be available for consultation.

[TENSE MUSIC]

Put that food down.

Oh!

[SHOUTING]

Carl, these girls are amazons.

Come on.

You!

--ideal time, schedules and assigments and homeworks.

But you may have fallen behind--

You!

[SCREAMING]

Discipline is always.

Oh!

No exception.

We must endeavor to maintain high standards at all times.

Fucking amazon.

Get off.

Get off!

It's on my face.

All right, bitch.

[SCREAMS]

--is to protect the note of caution.

We have been alerted that there has been an escape of a state

asylum, north of here.

Goddamn, that sure looks good.

Ah!

[LAUGHS]

The three men are deranged maniacs.

It should be a--

No!

Hey!

That's us he's talking about.

Oh, my god.

No!

Ah, ah, ah.

[SCREAMS]

They are armed and considered to be very dangerous.

Aha!

Be on the alert for any suspicious-looking characters.

Baby, this guy have been waiting for you for seven years!

Oh!

--meet me in my office all weekend.

I'm available for consultation if needed.

You better not try it!

Fantastic.

I'm warning you.

They look fantastic!

They seem to be a lot bigger than it was when we was

on the streets, right, Clooney?

[LAUGHTER]

Go on and do it, Flasher.

Help.

She's all yours.

Excuse me.

Thank you for your attention.

You may resume your duties.

You better not try it.

I'm warning you.

Ah!

Let me go, you maniacs!

I told you, let me go!

Oh!

Come on, mama.

Let's go find ourself a corner.

No, you found me.

Dig, man.

This is the best looking piece I've seen in a long time.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Goddam.

You think this could be a trap, Clooney?

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, come in.

Come in, my child.

The new shipment of specimens has arrived.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Mr. Miles, they're so beautiful.

Oh.

Now, those snakes are non-poisonous.

Although they closely resemble the rattlesnake,

they are perfectly harmless.

But I'll bet--

I bet they could really scare the Dickens out

of somebody who didn't know the difference.

Oh, Mr, Miles, you know so much about so many things.

You're the smartest man I've ever met.

Oh, no, I wouldn't say that for Dr. Baxter.

Oh, that eagle is so beautiful.

I can't take my eyes off of it.

Why don't you just relax.

I'll get us some Cokes.

What a wonderful idea, Mr. Miles.

You're so good to me.

Oh, this is my favorite.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

How was the wine?

Excellent.

Excellent.

Who is this Baxter fella you've been talking about?

He's the principal.

Principal?

Principal of what?

What is this place?

It's a school for girls.

And he's the principal.

Well, the administrator, actually.

I see.

Oh, damn.

Oh, let's get out of this dump.

With a little luck, we can find a school for boys.

Oh.

Leave all that ass.

You got to be kidding me, Brucey.

No, no.

No, no.

I don't trust them.

They could be lying.

I think we should lock them up.

I'm sorry, ladies.

This is going to be a slight inconvenience.

Where man?

Just tell me where are we going to lock them up?

The food locker, you twit.

We'll put some ice against the door.

And when the ice melts, you ladies will have to leave them.

Are you crazy?

Yes.

Hey, you can't do that.

We'll catch cold.

Not if you keep your little sweet ass moving, Lolita.

Oh, you never stop thinking, do you, Carl?

Here's to a lovely evening.

To the ship.

Bon voyage.

Come, ladies.

It's getting awfully late.

You just follow me, please.

Go where?

The freezer.

What did I just finish saying?

This way, ladies.

Step lively now.

It's a nice one.

That's a good bird.

Don't forget to write.

[LAUGHING]

[DOOR LOCKS]

Get the ice, Flasher.

Oh.

[CLATTER]

Oh-ho, my god.

Oh.

[ICE BLOCKS THUD]

Bad away.

[LAUGHING]

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Carl C. Clooney is in charge of this caper, remember, Meathead?

Shut up.

That should keep them cooled off for a while.

Let's see what's going on around this place.

[CLATTER]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[METHODICAL MUSIC]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

You are very calm.

Relax your entire body.

Relax.

I'm so relaxed.

Oh.

[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

Psst.

Hey, isn't that a house over there?

It is.

Come on, let's go.

Ow!

God dammit.

[BRANCHES CRACKING]

I sure hope there's some good jugs over there.

Ah, you shut up with those jugs.

Now, come on.

Jugs.

Yes, do exactly as you say.

Yes, my dear.

You have nothing to fear.

Hey, Clooney.

Clooney.

(WHISPERING) What?

You're not gonna believe this scene, man.

What is it?

A chick, a snake, and a hypnotist.

A snake?

Hey, man, if you don't believe me, come see for yourself.

Prepare myself.

Anticipate.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Not for the snake it ain't.

That chick sure looks good, doesn't she?

I'd say she was enjoying it.

This place is worse than the asylum.

(SINGING) Haul the monkeys off to the zoo.

Shh.

I want to see what happens with the snake.

[FROGS CROAKING]

[MOANING]

That is positively pornographic.

Come on, let's go.

[SNAKE CHARMING MUSIC]

My child, it won't be long now.

You will relax.

Prepare yourself.

I must prepare myself.

All right, hold it right there!

Uh-- what is this?

How dare you interrupt my experiment!

Experiment?

Why, you dirty old man.

Oh, filthy, fat old farmer and a dirty old man.

Aren't there any easy young men around this dump?

Well, what do you want?

What are you hooligans after?

I want this little girl right here.

[EXCLAIMING]

I've got just the thing to wake her up.

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

This is the best piece I've seen in a long time.

I will not tolerate such a display in my home!

Don't lay a hand on that student!

Oh, you dirty old bag.

Using that slimy snake is divine decadence, but you're sick.

You're sick!

Give me that.

I'm gonna check out the rest of this place.

Womp-womp.

I've never made it with a chick in a trance before.

Leave that student alone!

Oh, man.

Dick!

Oh.

Oh my god.

[EXCLAIMING]

[GIGGLING]

Hey, just keep him away from me.

I've got to wake this little girl up.

Ow!

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, he is a mess.

See here.

I'm going to call the police.

Shut up.

I told you to take your hand off of that student!

Dick!

Dick!

[SHRIEKS] The snakes.

Look out!

The snakes!

Oh, it's a [INAUDIBLE].

Whoa!

Oh!

Anaconda snakes!

[SCREAMING]

[SHOUTING] Look at all them snakes.

Oh god!

Look out!

[GIGGLING] Oh my god!

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh god!

[INAUDIBLE]

Yeah, sure, I'll do something.

I'll get the hell out of here!

They'll kill me.

Whoa!

Let's march!

Where's the shotgun, asshole?

Oh my god.

As much as I could dig a little poontang, man, ain't

no way in the world I'm gonna go back in there and get some.

No way.

Shh.

Oh!

That guy was nuts with those snakes.

It gives me the creeps to think about it.

All right, so don't think about it, Dainty June.

There's some real messes around this dump, Carl.

Now the problem is to get some money and some wheels.

Hell, man, I don't want no wheels.

I want some nookie!

Oh, you demented crouton.

[GIGGLING] Is that all you ever think about?

Well, what else is there?

Will you two shut up?

Now, let's check out that building over there.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[MENACING MUSIC]

You know, this stuff is fantastic.

I can dig it, but it's getting me so horny.

You know, it's really a shame that the instructors

left for the holidays.

There's not gonna be too much action around here, you know?

Yeah, there's Baxter, old Mr. Miles, and Steve Steele.

Like I said, there's not gonna be too much action.

I got bigger jugs than that in the mail.

Will you shut up with those jugs?

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[LIGHT BANGING]

Brucey-pie, you stay here and stand guard.

Mm.

If you see Esther Williams, tell her she's all wet.

Go, Flasher.

[WATER TRICKLING]

What about nailing those two cops that keep coming by?

Jesus!

I'm not that hard up.

You know, it's really a shame that Stevie is so damn square.

What if we turn him on to some of this 9.5?

Who are you?

What do you want?

Pool maintenance, ma'am.

Ha-ha.

We're here to check the filter.

You scared the piss out of us, man.

[LAUGHING]

Is there something burning here?

Oh.

[CHUCKLES] You guys are kinda cute.

Well, you ain't so bad yourself, hop along.

[LAUGHING]

My name's Dick.

He's Carl.

I'm Alice.

This is Madeleine.

Hey, come on in.

The water's great.

[LAUGHS] Sorry, ma'am, we're on duty.

Oh, come on.

Why don't you go in?

Take your shoes off.

You'll love it.

Hey, you're cute.

Oh, sorry, uh, Alice, was it?

Yes.

Well, Alice, we've got work to do.

Oh, come on.

Take your shoes off and soak your tippy-tippy toes.

[LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLES]

What do you say, Clooney?

Well, shucks, why not?

I mean, after all, we have been on the run all day.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, great.

Come on, Dick, sit close to me.

Hey, you guys want some good shit?

Some what?

Oh, wow.

Some grass, Meathead.

Where have you guys been for the last five years?

[LAUGHING] Sure, sure.

Dick was-- Dick was only pulling your leg.

Yeah.

Yes, we'd like to try something.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

This stuff is dynamite.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Try it.

You'll like it.

[BELL TOLLING]

[CARL LAUGHS]

[ALICE SHRIEKS]

[LAUGHTER]

Ah.

This is some good shit.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[ADDING MACHINE CLICKING]

Hey, Clooney!

Clooney!

Fantastic!

Grapefruit city!

[LAUGHING]

[CARL LAUGHING]

I think he liked you, [INAUDIBLE]..

That Dick sure was big.

I'm freezing!

[MOANING]

[LAUGHTER]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

You lousy junkie.

You-- you're crazy!

[SPLASH]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Madeleine!

Let go of her.

[SPLASHING]

(SHOUTING) Dick!

Dick!

Whaa!

[SPLASH]

Oh my goodness!

Ah!

Get them!

Get them, man!

Get them!

What's going on?

Those guys are crazy!

[SCREAMING]

Hello, girls.

Now, let's get our little buns in here.

No.

Move!

No.

No.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GROANING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Shipwreck.

Oh.

[EXCLAIMING]

Jesus.

Those girls-- those girls are really crazy.

They couldn't even take a little joke.

[GIGGLING]

Damn, Carl, baby.

I didn't know you couldn't even swim.

Carl, you're such a boys' camp.

Will those girls be a bare ass when they've been bare ass?

Will they find themselves tied to a diving board

naked with their own bathing suits, no less?

Yeah, they were really uptight.

It's lucky they didn't get away.

One of these days I'm gonna take swimming lessons.

Shh!

No trouble yet.

(WHISPERING) There's the cops.

Get ready for trouble.

Stay calm.

How many are they?

If those escapees have been around here,

I'd sure know about it.

There's two of them.

What do you think, Carl?

Well, let's see what happens.

What do you say, Bruce?

Hello.

Thought we'd stop by to see if everything was OK.

Let's go in for a closer look.

(WHISPERING) Come on.

There's no telling which way they've gone, Mr. Baxter.

North, south, east, or west.

It's anybody's guess.

But if I see or hear anything, I'll

contact headquarters immediately.

I have to be in the office all night

getting out the yearly budget.

Well, we're patrolling the area.

We won't be more than five minutes away.

Thank you, gentlemen.

I certainly appreciate your concern.

Well, no trouble at all, sir.

That's what we're here for, to protect and serve.

Ah, those dirty coppers!

Shut up!

Good night.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[CAR ENGINE TURNS]

Lousy fucking cops.

Protect and serve my ass.

Exercising?

[EXCLAIMS] Oh, shit.

What'd you do?

[LAUGHING]

Isn't that a car up there by that building, Carl?

Yeah, it sure as shit is.

Yeah, we got ourselves some wheels.

Hey, Flasher, we got ourselves some wheels.

Where is he?

Where'd that dumb son of a bitch go?

Who cares?

Come on, let's just get the car and get the hell out of here.

We can't leave that idiot here.

He'd get caught sure as shit.

Flasher!

God damn.

Dick!

Flasher!

Dick!

Flasher!

Idiot.

[LAUGHTER]

What's that over there?

[SCREAMING]

That would be Dick.

He's trying to grab those two girls.

Punch the son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch!

Come on, punch his balls.

He must be hurt.

The girls are running away.

Let's go back and break his other leg.

Wait.

They're coming back again.

Oh, my God, Carl, they're gonna kill him.

That goddamn idiot.

Let's get him.

Those girls are definitely demented.

Let's get over there.

[EXCLAIMING]

Come on.

Those crazy huns.

They're trying to kill my best friend!

Kick him!

We got him now.

Come on.

Hang on, Dick!

[GRUNTING] My ankle.

I think it's broken.

[SCREAMING]

Rape!

Help!

Help me!

Ow.

[GROANING]

One more word!

One more word!

What, you're a couple of tough guys, are you, huh?

A couple of tough bitches, huh?

Well, let's just see how tough you are.

Easy, Carl.

If we don't get out of here before the police come back,

we have had it.

Start fighting, I said, god dammit.

Oh, this is insane.

Now we're gonna make this real interesting.

Now, I'm gonna count to three.

And if you ain't fighting by the time I count to three,

you're both gonna get it.

1, 2--

[SMACKING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Start fighting, I said, god dammit.

Come on, you bitches.

Fight.

Yeah, that's it.

[SCREAMING]

[CHUCKLING] That's it, you bitches.

Yeah, kill each other!

[EXCLAIMING]

Yeah, there ain't nothing, absolutely nothing

in the world that's better than a fight to the death.

Absolutely nothing.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.

Hey, Carl, baby.

We can't let this good stuff go to waste.

Ah, shit, Flasher.

You know I wasn't really gonna kill them.

[LAUGHING]

Yeah.

[SHRIEKING]

What about the other one?

What about her?

Ain't nobody ever said that Carl C. Clooney didn't have a heart.

We'll be out of the state by the time she comes to.

(CRYING) Oh, baby.

Come on, you bitch.

Get moving.

Come get me, Carla!

Carla!

[INAUDIBLE]

No!

How's your ankle, Flasher?

Hurts like hell.

I'll be a cripple for life.

Ah.

Well, we'll take up a collection for you, my pet.

Bruce Dicky, go see if that car has any keys in it.

And check the gas.

And don't walk in any goddamn trap.

You got it, Carl.

Come on, Bruce.

Coming, Dicky.

Sit down, honey, relax.

[GROANING]

[SLOW MUSIC]

Why?

Why did he jump out and attack us?

We weren't bothering anyone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't give me that shit.

You could have gotten away.

You could have made a run for it easily.

[CRYING]

[YELLS]

You OK?

I'm all right.

Greta, let me see your do it.

[THUD]

Ha!

Let me hear more of a "kyah!"

when you do it.

OK?

Let's see you try it.

Very good, Greta.

Ha!

OK, Sandy, not bad.

And let me see Penny and Gladys for this.

OK, Midnight, do your thing!

[GROANS]

Good fall.

OK, Gladys.

OK, OK.

(WHISPERING) We're in luck, Dick.

The keys are in the car.

Let's get going.

Look what we've got here.

Jeep, why don't you stand over there next to Nancy,

and I'll demonstrate with Susie here.

Oh my god.

Look at all that young, tender, gorgeous snatch.

Who cares?

Let's get the hell out of here!

Hey, wait a minute.

And leave all that good stuff?

Block.

Your back leg--

I say, let's give it a whirl, baby.

Kyah!

OK?

Jeep, you try it.

Ooh, get a load of him.

Maybe we should stick around.

Come on, let's go tell Clooney.

[EXCLAIMS]

Very good.

Hey, Clooney.

You're not gonna believe this, man.

That building over there is crawling with all kinds

of good-looking broads.

Well, let's go, Boo-Boo.

Well, away we go.

[LAUGHTER]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[ROTARY CLICKING]

[INAUDIBLE]

[PHONE RINGING]

Push harder!

Carla, I did it.

Wow.

Nancy, would you please get me those charts out of the office?

The one on breathing exercises and those two

on defensive positions.

Thanks a lot.

OK, Susie, why don't you try it with Jeep?

[EXCLAIMS]

OK, very good.

Excellent.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

The best.

The absolute best piece I've seen in 10 years.

This one's mine.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, let's go.

[PHONE RINGING]

[PIPE TAPPING]

[RECEIVER CLICKS]

[GIRLS GASP]

All right, freeze!

Nobody move!

Do what he-- oh, do what he says!

They're escaped maniacs!

They just killed [INAUDIBLE].

You dirty bastards!

Shut up or die!

She needs attention.

Brucey, take Mark Spitz over there and watch that window.

Don't make me spoil your looks, pretty boy.

Hands on your head.

March.

Dick, get her out of here and watch that door.

1, 2, 3, 4, hup.

Left face.

Up on the horsey.

Horsey.

All right.

Everybody on their knees with your hands on your head.

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]

Come on, move it.

Hands on your head.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Everything's just fine, Carl.

We've got nothing to worry about.

Pretty brave with a shotgun, aren't you, sport?

Every little bit helps.

What have you done to Miss Crowley?

Yeah, mother, where is she?

Oh, you son of a bitch!

Back I say!

Hey, what the hell is going on here?

(SHOUTING) Nancy, where are you?

Will you knock it off?

Your Miss Crooley or Crowley, whatever her name is,

she's all right.

So what are you gonna do with us?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm just gonna tie you up, and then we're gonna leave.

Dick, get some rope.

God damn.

Shit.

OK, girls.

Now, get up and get your asses against the wall.

Come on, move!

Hut, gah!

Move!

Oh, a queen.

Move!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I've looked all over, man.

Here's a couple of rolls of that stuff we used on the lady,

but that's it.

Ain't no rope.

The hell with them, Carl.

Let's load up the car and get away from this dump.

Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

Take me!

I'll be your hostage.

Hey, haven't I seen you someplace before?

Flasher, come here.

What's up, Carl?

Shh.

Just listen.

What do you say we have a little fun before we take off?

What do you mean?

I don't get you, man.

You will, pal.

You will.

All right, girls.

We're gonna have us a little chorus line, like in Las Vegas.

This guy is crazy.

We better humor him.

Jesus Christ!

We haven't got the time, Carl.

Well, I'm taking the time, Jane.

If you want to elope with Tarzan over there, go ahead,

but leave the shotgun.

It's just that somebody's bound to come by sooner or later.

Don't push me, Brucey boy.

Yeah, Bruce.

If Clooney wants a goddamn chorus,

then Clooney gets a goddamn chorus, right?

Damn right.

OK, girls, now all line up like the Rockettes.

We're gonna dance like the Rockettes.

Oh, this is fantastic.

What a great idea.

I think I want the tall one right here with the big jugs.

All right, girls.

On three we're gonna kick.

I want to kick high, and I want to kick slow.

Ready?

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[MOANING] Help me.

Help me, please.

Thank you for stopping.

They made us do it.

It was awful.

There are nothing to care with them.

Oh, thank you for stopping.

Please, you must help me.

Oh.

Christ.

How can you have some concern?

Don't you believe me, for God's sake?

We believe you, baby.

But let's get some of this mud off you

first so we can see what we're getting into, man.

[CHUCKLES] You're so fine.

Huh, man?

No shit.

All right now, girls.

I have an idea that's-- that's really gonna liven up this

chorus line.

I would like each and every one of you

to take off your panties.

I don't have any on.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Steve is looking.

I said I would like you to [CHUCKLES]

take off those lousy panties.

Clooney, that's positively brilliant.

[LAUGHING] I thought you'd like that, Flasher.

Uh, how about you, Brucey boy?

Huh?

Huh?

David Merrick would love it!

[LAUGHING] OK, girls, let's do it.

I want to see me some asses!

I'm not taking my panties off for you or anybody else.

Listen, if all you guys want is somebody to spread their legs,

then I'm your girl.

No deal, sweetheart.

No deals.

Now, we're gonna do the Busby Berkeley number,

and no back talk.

Now, get those panties off!

You chauvinist pigs!

You can't exploit us young girls this way.

Hey, wait a minute, Clooney.

If this little filly is so anxious for my body,

well, let's not disappoint the young lady.

Right on, handsome.

You stay out of this.

You, Flasher, if I have to ask you one more time.

OK.

OK, Clooney.

Dicky, will you get Gloria Steinman's pants off, please?

I'm not taking off anything.

[LAUGHING]

OK, mama, I'll take those panties off for you.

[SMACKING]

Hi-yah!

Ow!

[THUDDING]

Hit him, Greta.

Hit the bastard!

[INAUDIBLE]

[EXCLAIMING]

Ha!

[INAUDIBLE]

Hey, what's happening, Clooney?

Is the champ OK or what?

All right, tough man.

Take my pants off.

Let's see you try.

No man's ever beaten me before.

That a girl, Greta!

Come on, you could do it!

Come on, Flasher, get her!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

You got it.

Yes!

[EXCLAIMING]

Grab her jugs, Dicky.

The ankle trip!

Try the ankle trip, Greta!

Watch out for the ankle trip, Flasher.

Hi-yah!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Come on.

Take my panties off.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Come on.

Get that broad, Flasher!

[THUD]

Oh!

Oh!

My ankle!

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh!

Ow!

Do I have to do everything myself?

Come on!

Punch him!

[SMACK]

[THUD]

Greta, maintain eye contact!

Yeah, yeah, maintain eye contact, Flasher.

Retreat, Greta!

Set up a defense!

[GIRLS SHRIEKING]

God bless you.

Now, get those goddamned panties off of her!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Now, get those panties off!

That's it, Flasher.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Mm, dull night, huh?

Hey, you want to get some coffee?

Well, it's about time we check in at the Oxford Girls

School, huh?

Oh, no.

Let's-- yeah, let's go bust those two hookers over

at the trailer park again.

I could stand a piece of ass.

Acres and acres of bush.

Clooney, you're a genius.

A goddamn genius!

Yeah.

I can just see Variety now.

David Merrick presents the Furry Follies!

(AS HUMPHREY BOGART) Yeah, take your pick, Flasher.

Actually, it's a two-way tie between this cute one over here

and Miss Hot Pants right here.

We only have room in the car for one of them.

Let's get going!

Don't think about it, handsome.

I'm ready, willing, and very, very able.

Yeah, well, not so fast, Miss Hot Ass.

We're gonna do this real democratic-like.

Tie them both up, Flasher.

Jesus Christ!

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]

[GRUNTING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[YAWNING]

Now, look, Flasher.

We only got room for one.

I've got it, Meathead.

We'll flip a coin.

Heads, it's, uh, the beauty queen here.

Tails, it's Miss Hot Pants.

[SNICKERING] Yeah.

Well?

Well, well, well.

It's heads.

Oh!

God damn.

Now I know where I've seen Miss Hot Pants before.

Now, she's my kind of girl.

That damn coin flipped the wrong way.

God damn!

Greta, what should I do?

You lay one hand on her and I'll kill you, motherfucker!

Now, listen, Wonder Woman.

I've had enough of your bullshit.

One more word out of you and I'll furnish your--

[SCREAMING]

You have the gun, Brucey!

[INAUDIBLE]

[SHRIEKS] Mark Spitz is going nuts!

Come on, Clooney, get us out of this!

Hi, dear.

What's happening, baby?

Whoa!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Over here, Dick!

I need some help!

[SHOUTING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[WHACK]

Ah!

[INAUDIBLE]

Yippee!

Get this masher off of me.

[GIGGLES]

Where are we?

[YELLING]

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

Take her!

Take it easy!

Ah, my head!

[INAUDIBLE]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GIGGLING] Whoo!

You don't have to stop.

[SCREAMING]

Move it.

Oh god, we're saved.

It's open!

Someone call the cops!

Are you mad?

No!

Go get Miss Crowley.

Hurry!

[THUDDING]

Ouch!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

(MUFFLED) Susie, get me untied.

Oh, Miss Crowley, what happened?

What happened?

Hey, girls, give us a break!

A break?

Come on, mama.

Fight back.

Are you OK?

Get that.

Come on.

Who turned out the lights?

Sorry, fellas.

Every man for himself.

[SCREAMING]

Call the police!

OK, Steve.

Susie, here's the bat in case you need it.

Yeah, he's gonna have some sore balls, that's for sure.

[SLOW MUSIC]

Dirty, filthy perverts, attacking innocent schoolgirls.

Well, they'll learn the error of their ways in due course.

Do me a favor, fellas.

Take us back to the home where it's safe and sane.

I told you guys it could be a trap!

[DOOR SLAMS]

[SLOW MUSIC]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[ENGINE TURNS]

You know something, Clooney?

There's people on the outside that

are much nuttier than we are, so how

come we're always on the inside looking out?

Well, let me make this perfectly clear.

It's back to the drawing board.

Next time there won't be any mistakes.

They won't have Carl C. Clooney to kick around anymore.

Gee whiz, Dicky.

Isn't Carl tricky?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[LAUGHTER]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]