Original subtitles

I love you.

I love you too.

of this one.

You're not done yet.

You know, my love,

I'm really getting tired of this happy horse shit.

I think it's about time you outgrew your vicarious hobby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too.

Okay, I'm coming.

Would you get there? I'm busy.

Oh, hi, Gary.

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Okay, yeah, tomorrow will be okay, sure.

No, I was just busy with something, that's all.

Okay, see you tomorrow.

That was Gary.

No shit.

What are you so pissed at?

Anyway, he wants to see me again. You know, if all producers were as dumb as

this guy, I don't know how they'd make movies.

I'll tell you why I'm so pissed.

You! How the fuck I want to know? Can you go out there night after night on

balcony and watch that creep you call a friend screw a different girl for your

benefit?

Not a creep.

Oh, what is he?

He's an artist.

Oh, an artist.

How can you call that asshole an artist?

He's as sick as you are.

God, I must be going crazy.

I'm living with a moron. You know, one of us needs to see a psychiatrist.

You know?

Look, I'll be right back.

And this time, don't lock the window.

And keep your voice down, would you? You'll wake up the whole neighborhood.

it doesn't do any good.

The smoothest music you will hear this side of.

You can find something when you want it.

Mom, I'm exhausted here.

You're exhausted?

Oh, I'm exhausted!

Oh, you asshole!

How can you be like that? Oh, shit! Oh, God damn you! Get away!

You lazy?

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Hey, I'll put this on!

You wouldn't understand.

Come on, handsome.

Hi, Gail.

How do you feel today?

Oh, not bad.

You look a little tired.

Had a rough night, lover boy?

You could say that.

Ah, trouble with the little lady?

The usual.

Well, if it gets to be too much, you know where to find me.

Oh, that's a very tempting offer, but if I don't go and see Gary, I'll forget

what I came here for.

Is he busy?

Oh, who knows?

Why don't you go find out for yourself?

All right.

Hey, Gary, what, you lose something?

Oh, there's no money up.

I forgot you were coming by.

Joyce and I were just rehearsing a scene from your book.

Excuse me, Pierce.

Fucking Gail.

She knew we were in here.

You should fire her.

Not a chance.

Okay, Pearson. What was it you wanted to see me about?

Oh, I thought you wanted to see me.

That's right.

Two things.

First...

I want you to meet somebody that's perfect for the part of Diane.

Pierce, this is Joyce.

Joyce, this is Pearson Bowcamper.

He's the man that wrote the book that this movie's based on.

Oh, this is a pleasure.

Ever since I read your book, I've wanted to meet you.

Thank you.

So what do you think, Pierce?

Great, huh?

Honey, why don't you wait out in the reception area? I want to speak to

for a second.

I hope I see you again.

What do you think, Pierce?

Cute piece, huh?

You're not going to use it for Diana, are you?

No.

She can't act her way out of a paper bag.

Listen, the reason I ask you in here, we're having some writing problems and

may have to postpone the date.

Do you think you could give the writer a little help?

Look, I'm getting kind of sick of, you know, working on it, you know?

Think about it.

All right.

Pearson.

Send Joyce in here, old buddy.

All right.

Joyce?

Yeah? Gary wants to talk to you. I think he wants to continue working on that

scene.

Oh!

Thank you.

Oh, I hope I see you again.

Okay? I hope so, too.

Nice kid.

You think so?

Sure.

She's fucked every producer in town.

Hey, give her a break. You know, she's just trying to get ahead. She wants to

get a part.

I guess you're right.

Come here, I want to show you something Is

this the right position?

Mm -hmm.

um

Oh, God.

Hi, Gail.

Hi, Candy.

I see you're enjoying two of your favorite recreations.

Well,

just stop by to say hello and tell you that Robert and I will be out of town

the week. We're going skiing.

Well, bye.

Bye.

Who was that?

That was Candy.

You better believe it.

Hey, come back here.

Finish what we started.

Who is she?

She works here.

Works here?

She's a script reader. If the script's good enough, she passes it on.

Now forget her. She's gone, and I'm still here.

Where's she going skiing?

Kirkwood, I guess. That's where she always skis.

She really rang your bell, didn't she?

How do you get to Kirkwood?

I saw Rose today.

Oh, yeah?

What'd she have to say?

Nothing much.

Only that I should leave you.

Yeah?

What did you say to that?

I told her that I loved you.

I bet you that pissed her off.

My Kleenex.

Why should that piss her off?

Because she's been trying to get in your pants for years.

Oh, that's a fucking lie.

Look, just because she competes one -to -one with me doesn't mean she's a queer,

you know.

I didn't say she was a queer.

All I said was that she wanted you.

We are just friends.

Platonic friends.

Yeah.

Because you want it that way.

Where are you?

I'm asking.

I'm asking. Great.

Again.

watch each other fucking all of the girls in the world. I hate it. I hate

you're doing. You're sick.

You are very sick and I think it's disgusting.

Flat fucking disgusting.

Shit. Shit.

Hey, what's wrong with what I'm doing? I just like sex, that's all. Nothing

I don't know any psychiatrists. Well, I do.

Rose gave me his number.

Oh, great.

For me.

And after your wife left you, how long was it before you moved in with Heather?

Oh, I don't know. Six, eight months, I guess.

Mm -hmm. And during this time, did you have any affairs?

Couple.

Two? Well, uh... One and a half. You see, the second time I was pretty

drunk, so I really don't remember what happened.

I see. One and a half.

And then you met Heather. Tell me, Pearson, how many affairs have you had,

including your ex -wife and Heather?

Well, let me think.

Including my ex -wife and Heather.

Three and a half.

I see.

Just as I thought.

And tell me, are you afraid of women?

No.

At least I don't think so. Why?

Well, it appears to me that you keep them at a distance while enjoying your

clandestine sex vicariously through your friend George.

Clandestine sex?

If that offends you, perhaps I could use the term fantasy sex.

You think sex, for sex's sake, without love is dirty.

Obviously, bad toilet training.

But you also believe if you don't participate and just watch, it's all

You use your friend George to do your dirty work for you.

As I see the situation, there's only one cure.

What might that be?

visit to Dr. Woods.

I didn't go see Dr. Woods.

What? I said I didn't go see Dr. Woods. I went to a guy George recommended.

What?

You heard me.

Oh, I heard you. I just can't believe it.

So what did this clown have to say?

That you and George are normal and the rest of us are nuts?

I don't know.

All right.

Well, what did he say is wrong with you?

I don't know. He mentioned something about bad toilet training.

Bad toilet training?

Bad toilet training.

I sent out a pervert and I got back an idiot.

Who the hell are you calling a pervert?

I'm sick of being made the heavy in this asinine relationship.

You know what's the matter with me? I'll tell you what's the matter with me.

It's you. You're the one with the problems, not me.

You're prude.

A prude, a prude, a prude.

Yeah, look at the way you dress.

You and your dyke friend Rose. You can't make a decision without consulting her.

Now get off my back.

In fact, I got a better idea.

Get out of my apartment.

I don't want to hear your shit anymore.

Now I'm going to be gone for a couple of days.

When I get back, don't be here.

I sure do hate to see the little bastard go.

Hey, buddy boy, you want a beer?

You look like you could use one.

Yeah, I didn't have time for breakfast.

George, you're looking at a free man, and it feels good.

I hate to think of all the pussy that I've seen you let slip through your

fingers. You hate to think about it. What about me?

When am I going to get to catch a glimpse of that fox that you've been

me about?

Hey, now, wait a minute.

I saw her first. She's mine.

Don't get any ideas. I know what you do.

I wouldn't be coming up here if it wasn't for her.

Relax, period.

I'm on your side.

I'm here to help you.

You're finally relaxing. It's good for you.

Probably help you writing, too.

Well, in all honesty, George, I could use some help, you know.

When we score like a bandit, you got women hanging all over you.

Next to that, I feel like some kind of virgin.

What are you talking about? You've been married.

You live with a girl.

It's not the same as you do it.

Well, yeah, I know that.

Stop the van.

Stop the van.

I'd like to start your lessons right here and now.

Huh?

Hi. Welcome.

Come on.

Howdy, Jake. Coming to your home. They have all night with oldies but goodies,

and if you've never had an oldie, you don't know what a goodie is.

You girls want a beer?

Sounds fine with me. How about you two? Oh, that sounds good.

I'm George, and this is Pierce.

I'm Sally, and this is my sister Susan.

You girls always hitchhike with your skis?

Well, we got dropped off.

In the middle of nowhere.

We had a fight with our boyfriends and they kicked us out.

Bastards.

What for? What did you do?

Well, you know, they thought we were screwing around on them.

Behind your back.

Were you?

Sure. But they didn't know it.

Didn't they?

They were only guessing. They're just like little kids.

We're better off without them. Sure, sure.

Well, I think that their loss is our gain.

Your girls want to fuck?

I thought you'd never ask.

What you got to offer?

I thought you'd never ask.

Awfully glad we picked you up.

Isn't that great?

See, isn't that so?

You like?

You like it?

It gets bigger, you know.

Oh, it does.

I hope so.

Forget it if you're man enough.

Can't do it, huh?

Guess you're not the stud you thought you were, huh?

And I want everybody to listen closely to Sweater Girls.

You are back here, good boy.

You'll get your turn, Pierce. I promise.

Keep driving, please.

Keep driving, buddy.

Grammys, I'll give you your turn.

Stop looking back in your face and drive. You're going to crash.

I

think

our driver needs some help.

I think so, too.

It's radio station.

B -A -P -Q.

That's coming your way.

With my own stick at the wheel.

That's our car engine.

You enjoying that, Paris?

Oh, honey, what a garage.

Well, I got a car. You got a beautiful car. Oh, come on. George will take care

of you. Oh, yeah.

I'm not driving. You want me to wreck you?

Mr. Black.

George? George?

It's my fault.

You ready?

Maybe I ought to take some lessons.

No, Pierce, I can teach you better than those lessons.

Oh, man, I'm not going down there. No way am I going down there.

Look, the longer you stand there thinking about it, the harder it's going

Just get on down there.

Look, I know, I know, I know that.

Let me just psych myself into it, okay?

The more you stand there being chicken shit about the whole thing, the harder

it's going to be and the less time you're going to have to look for that

Look, I know this. Now, wait a minute.

Look, just let me...

Let me get warm here.

Let me relax into it.

I'll look at the scenery, relax into it, and I'll do it.

That's her.

That's her.

That's that girl I was telling you about in the great pants.

Wow, she's got a great ass.

Hey, now, wait a minute. Don't go down there and scare her. Don't say anything.

Come on, she's mine now. When you get down there and get her.

Well, but... Come on, get down there.

You're doing great.

Now bend down. Bend your knees, Pierce.

Keep your poles in front of you. Don't turn.

Get up.

Hey. Are you all right?

Icy today.

You've got to be careful.

Thanks.

Well...

Here you go. No broken bones, at least.

No.

No. Hey, don't I know you?

Yeah. Yeah. We're a friend of Gail's. A good friend of Gail's.

What's your name?

I'm Pearson.

Pearson Bocamper.

Pearson?

Why, you wrote Flying Low.

The book Gary's making into a movie.

I love that book.

And now here I am, standing here talking to its author.

How exciting.

Well, I'd like to talk some more.

But I'm late for an appointment.

I will be in the bar tonight.

Maybe if you're free, you could meet me.

Oh, yeah.

That would be great. I'd love... Yeah, I'll be there. Great.

Okay.

Well...

Bye.

Pearson, will you relax?

Everything's going to be all right.

Hey! Oh, sorry, I'm sorry. Are you okay?

I wish she'd get here. I'm a nervous wreck.

Yeah, I am too. Listen, I'll be back, not real soon.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, what do I do when she gets here? What do I

say? Relax!

Everything's going to be all right. She wouldn't be coming here if she didn't

want some action.

Okay?

The ladies' room.

No, no, you must be mistaken.

How so?

Well, this is a room, and I'm a man, so this must be the men's room.

Excuse me, I've got to take a piss.

I was right. This is the ladies' room.

Oh, well, that's a honey.

Thanks.

It's not much, but it's all I got.

If Gene had a cub like that, I'd be the happiest woman in the world.

Forever.

Well, how'd you like to be happy for just a little while?

I thought you had to piss.

Oh, it can wait.

Good.

Mind if I sit down?

Oh, please, sit.

Would you like a drink?

Sure, thanks.

Bartender?

You called?

Hi, little lady.

Fred's your name?

Goodwill's my game.

Mind if I join you? Thanks.

Hey, look, this is a private party. You're not invited, okay?

Just an oversight, I'm sure.

It's not an oversight.

Look, give me a break. I'm with this girl.

You don't sound very friendly.

As a matter of fact, you sound like an asshole.

Well, maybe I am, so you admit it.

What are you doing with an asshole like him when you could be with a nice guy

like me?

What if you were the last prick on this earth?

So you're a cunt, just like all the rest.

Well, baby, maybe you think your shit don't stink, but I'm telling you,

you're... Pussy reeks like six tons of rotten tuna. Hey, that's enough.

You just get out of here now.

Yeah? And who's going to make me?

You?

Well, if I have to, yeah, yeah.

Well, you have to.

Well, get out of here.

People really say that, huh?

You're in my room.

How are you feeling?

Okay. What happened?

You were wonderful.

Yeah? I was?

Now I'd like to do something for you.

You would, huh? Like what?

Anything you'd like.

I'll make a suggestion.

I thought we might fuck.

Fuck.

Um, what about Robert?

He's out for the evening.

Are you fast?

How fast do you think you can get out of your clothes?

Amen.

Thank you.

No. No.

beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Really, it's never been like this for me before.

Never.

I liked it, too.

Oh, great.

Wow.

You know, when we get back to town, we can do this every night. It'll be

fantastic. Hey.

Hey, wait a minute.

I do have an old man, you know.

Yeah, but I thought after tonight it'd be a little different, you know.

my love, you're not the only man that turns me on.

Robert does.

And I love him.

You do?

Of course.

We've got an agreement.

If either of us feels like fucking around, we do.

No one person can expect to satisfy another completely.

As a matter of fact, we often share.

Share? Sure.

Three ways.

Sometimes even more.

Everybody sharing with everybody else.

It's the way the world should be.

You know, you ought to try it.

Hey, I know.

Robert won't be too late tonight. Maybe the three of us.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm asking myself the same question.

What's the hurry? I was just getting started with that chick.

I just forgot something, that's all.

Yeah, what?

You look fantastic.

So do you.

I couldn't leave.

Oh.

Why do you think it's beauty, too?

No.

I'm going to stay with one.

Oh, baby.