Original subtitles

As specified in my will, I'm leaving all my papers to the Sheffield Foundation

for scientific research, who supported me

in my early studies here in America.

Do you think this would look nice on me if I had it taken in, Carl?

Shh! He's just coming round to us, Myra. I really have him set up.

As to my collection of rare books and manuscripts, I leave them all

to... Yes? A library of Congress.

Just what they need, more books.

As to my estate... I'm here, sir.

I...

Have no one, no relatives to leave it to.

We were always very close. Very close, sir.

Cal, Myra, you have been my loyal, trusted servants.

You have served me well for... for... How long

has it been?

A long time, sir.

Six weeks.

A long six weeks.

Yes.

Anyway, you are the only servants I have.

And so I am leaving you something of great value.

I give you my dog.

Your dog?

Oh, what a thoughtful fellow. I've always wanted a... Your dog.

Manfred is no ordinary dog.

He is a direct descendant of that dog, bred by Lucretia Borgia in the Middle

Ages.

There's royalty in his blood.

But I have saved the most important thing to last.

It is this ring.

Oh, very nice.

The Borgia Ring. Of all my possessions, this is the most valuable.

It possesses powers beyond your comprehension.

It is priceless.

It must go to...

Will be.

I'm sorry, honey. Do you think you could try to pay attention to the road?

Any road?

Wilby, I love you.

Which is why I have a reason to live.

I mean, I really, really love you.

But I'm worried about us.

I mean, sure, we really, really love each other now, but marriage, you could

a strain on a relationship.

I mean, what if we get used to each other?

What if we start to just really love each other?

And then before you know it, Wilby... Hey, hey, hey.

I will always really, really...

Love you.

Wilby, we're starting to change already.

You never used to criticize my driving.

Hey! Sorry!

Now you think they put those things where they're needed.

Betty, is there something bothering you?

I just wanted our wedding to be so perfect. I wanted a little chapel, just

two of us.

Instead, I let my parents talk us into this huge extravaganza.

Wilby, I looked at the wedding list. I don't even know half the people we've

invited.

That would be my side of the family.

Oh.

Betty, we could just drop in on City Hall.

No.

No.

I can do it.

I can make it.

Wilby, are you sure nothing's going to change?

I wouldn't change a thing.

Bye, hon.

Isn't that your brother's car parked the wrong way in a loading zone?

No, couldn't be.

Not even Moochie could be that dumb.

Excuse me. Will be.

Don't tell me you'll let him use your office again. It's just for a couple of

days till he finishes casting a dog food commercial.

A dog food commercial?

I'll explain it over lunch.

I can't. Mother's taking me to look at houses.

Well, just find something made of brick.

Brick laughs a really, really long time.

Bye. I love you. I love you.

Moochie. Mr.

Daniels, Mr.

Prescott would like a word with you.

Tell Mr.

Prescott that I'll be with him as soon as I do some serious damage to my

brother. Right. Oh, and, uh, your nine o 'clock appointment is waiting.

Tell him I'll be with him shortly. Just, uh, offer him something.

A cup of kibble?

Very funny.

Very funny.

No need to be embarrassed, Mr. Kaplan.

Auditioning is tough.

Even the most seasoned professionals make a mistake now and again.

We'll have that carpet repaired in no time.

Wilby, how are you? Come on into my office.

Put your feet up. There's a fella.

Cynthia, honey, hold all my dogs.

I know what you're thinking.

And you don't have to say it.

You're thinking, Moochie, heck, I do you a favor, I let you borrow my office,

and this is how I repay you. You're not getting out of it this time, Moochie. I

just keep doing this to you over and over and over again. And over and over

over and over. I'm sorry, but that's it.

I'm up to here with me.

The way I come waltzing in here, filling your waiting room with Fido's, ruining

your carpet, borrowing your furniture. That's my antique desk chair.

Breaking your furniture. You broke my chair.

I wouldn't blame you if you kicked me out.

In fact, I'll do you a favor. I'll kick myself out.

Oh, I get it. I get it.

You're going to give up on yet another job and it's going to be my fault again.

Is that it?

No.

This isn't me blaming you.

This is me finally realizing what I really am.

A flake.

Come on, Moochie. You're not a flake. Not a flake?

Come on. I conned my way into this dog food account.

I don't know what I'm doing.

The commercial shoots tomorrow.

Have I found a dog?

No. What have I accomplished?

I got a drawer full of pens with my name on it.

That not flaky enough for you? How about this?

I'm 27 years old and I still answer to the name Moochie.

Come on, Moochie. Cheer up, huh?

I mean, we're brothers, right?

Stay.

I want you to keep the office.

Oh, no, no, no. I know what you're doing.

You think you owe me something for saving your life. Well, you don't.

Saving my life?

Yeah, you remember the tragic shaggy dog affair.

You found the ring, you read the inscription, woof, you turned into a

And what did I do?

You put a collar on me.

A reflective collar, Will.

Don't you ever wonder why you're never hit by a car?

Yeah, well, thank goodness the professor has that ring under lock and key.

I don't have to count on you saving my life again.

I'll always be there for you, buddy.

You know, Moochie, I just want you to stick to something and accomplish it.

Okay?

And get rid of the dogs.

I'm not your feet there. I'm going to fail you right away. I can't get rid of

those dogs until I find the right one. Okay, okay.

Then just get rid of some of the dogs.

The no -talents?

The hangers -on?

Yeah, I can do that.

Em, put my chair back in my office.

Do you want the pieces?

I'll put them in a box.

Will be.

Thanks.

That's okay.

Oh, will be.

I know you're under a lot of pressure with the wedding and all the

but remember what you said before.

We're brothers.

I'm there for you.

If you ever need anything, I'm your guide.

Actually, Emoji, there is one thing.

You know the shaggy dog stuff?

Betty doesn't know about it, and I just don't think this is the time to bring it

up, you know, and give her more trouble.

So if you just keep from mentioning that I used to be a... What?

Well, you know... Oh, a dog, yeah, that you used to be a dog.

Now, you know, if your secret's safe with me. Yeah.

Muffy, you're next.

Thanks, pal.

Oh, potato peeler, you thought you lost.

Get back down there and find that ring.

Carl?

Carl?

So their tree starts growing over onto my side of the property line, right?

So I ask them to rake the leaves, right?

I go to them and I say, her, Gloria.

That's their names.

I say, Herb, Gloria, please rake your leaves.

But they say to me that they are my leaves.

Right to my face they say, Eric, those are your leaves.

So I say to them, I say, Herb, Gloria, see you in court, babes.

Mr. Franklin, do you really want to sue your neighbors just because their leaves

dropped on your property?

Well, when I look at it that way, I guess I am being a little...

Hot -headed.

Moochie. I am going to sue them all.

I'm sorry, Mr. Frampton. They are purposefully misrepresenting their dogs

being talented.

Talented? They can't bark and wag their tail at the same time.

Hi. You know, there is something to be said for the satisfaction of having your

day in court.

Do you want to give me a hand to you? Sure, let me take that.

You think it's gold?

I wonder what he meant about it having powers beyond our comprehension.

There's an inscription in Cain's...

Drag it into court, people's exhibit A.

That's very good advice.

That's ridiculous.

Moochie, get out of my office.

He's right. He's the attorney. What do I know? I can't even find the right dog.

What kind of a dog are you looking for?

Moochie.

Moochie. What kind of a dog, you ask?

A dog with intelligence.

Yet that has that certain something special that catches your eye.

A dog with a face that talks to you.

Why don't you just tell me when you're ready to get back to business?

These dogs?

Amateurs.

Charlatans and imposters.

Okay.

Are we ready to start again?

I have scoured this city from top to bottom.

Man, I love that woman. From dawn till dusk. I'm a desperate man.

I'm a man without a dog.

You mean a dog like that?

Now, don't forget to tell your mommies that we need those little duckling

costumes on Monday, okay? All right, Mom. Bye -bye.

Ellen? Uh -huh?

Someone was sitting in Moby's chair just now, waving at me.

And it looked like a... Like what?

Like a... Well, it looked... Never mind.

I'm just going to go see for myself.

Where'd he go?

One minute I'm talking to him, the next there's a dog in the chair.

He left.

He didn't leave.

That door never opened.

He's, uh, he's hiding.

Hiding?

Yeah, it's a reaction to stress. He feels a little nervous sometimes, too

pressure, and he puts on the dog costume and hides under

the desk.

It's the same old story.

Dog costume?

Yeah.

Happens to one out of five attorneys.

I heard something about a cure.

I think there's going to be a telethon. We'll keep you posted.

Hi, Cynthia. Save your money. You get better legal advice at the pound.

Well, thank you.

Isn't that funny? We were just talking about that.

Do you think it was the power of suggestion?

It's the Borgia ring, don't you see? Someone's read the inscription.

Here's what we do.

We go to Professor Plunkett, he reads the inscription on the ring, and I

back. Uh -huh.

Got it? Let's go.

Like that?

Yes? Your fiancée is here to see you. Betty?

Here?

Tell her that I'm busy. No, tell her that I'm not here. But tell her that I

her. He's not here, but he loves you.

She can't see me like this. We got to get out of here.

The fire escape.

I can't climb down that. I'm a dog.

Okay. All right. We'll stay here.

We'll explain it to her. Point out the positive aspects.

Betty, you know how you hate getting your own slippers.

I'm climbing. I'm climbing.

I'll probably die and end up in a pet cemetery.

I'm sorry, but I've got to see him.

Toby?

Wilby?

He's not in there. He's not?

No. Gee, I thought he was lying.

I'm pulling up at his office right now.

Mr. Jennings, I know the commercial's scheduled for tomorrow.

With all due respect, sir, it wasn't my idea to use Daniel's company in the

first place.

I mean, I don't even trust this guy to find the dog.

Come on, Will.

Come on. Come on down.

Hurry. Of course, I could be wrong.

One foot in front of the other. Come on.

Pretend it's a fire drill. Come on.

Come on, Will B. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for dog kind.

Mr. Daniel?

Yes. How did you find him? Find who?

Keith Perfect.

We'll use him. Use him?

For the commercial?

Yes. No.

I don't think he's a good commercial type. He's got bad breeding. He's

He's all paws.

He's beautiful. I love this dog.

What's his name?

Uh, Wilby.

Great. Sign Wilby up. Who is his master?

Well, he doesn't really have a master unless you count Betty.

Okay, where does she live?

Well, they don't live together.

How would that look?

Oh, that's cool.

I want to talk to this Betty person.

No, that's not a good idea, really.

Uh, she would even deny having a dog. Uh, no, Wilby pretty much stays on his

own. Oh, don't worry, boy. Come on along home with me. I'll take good care of

you. I don't think he likes you.

I think we're making a very big mistake here.

I know we're not.

If Betty sees me, I'm dog meat.

You know, Daniels, when I first met you, I gotta admit, I thought you were kind

of a flake.

But you delivered.

I really gotta apologize.

You're terrific.

Wilby. I just love that name.

Uh, Wilby, you can't go with her. You can't go with her, Wilby!

Wilby?

Out you get. Oh, boy, what do I do now?

I've got to get to the professor.

Oh, come on. You're going to love it here.

Maybe I can use her phone.

We'll get you a bite to eat, and then you can go out and play with Ace and

Bandit. Ace and Bandit? Yeah, come on.

Okay.

Come on.

Come on. Nice enough place.

Huh? See?

Dirt -faced and bandit, aren't they sweet?

Sweet? Those guys will eat me alive.

I'm out of here.

Thanks, guys.

Ha!

Hey, back off.

I'll sue you guys for every phone you got.

You ought to do something about your breath.

So you went over to Wilby's office.

I call in. He says he's not there. But I don't believe him. So I look.

He's not there.

Uh -huh.

I looked out the window.

He's driven off in a car with a strange, slightly gorgeous woman.

I had no idea he was cheating on you. Ellen, he's not cheating on me. If there

is one person in the world I know I can trust, it's Wilby.

Right? Medfield Academy of Dance.

It's your mother. Something about finding a dream house.

Do you want me to tell her you have dumped that two -timing slug?

have to eat.

It's good for you. It's got, it's got beef and cereal and bone meal.

Really not hungry, huh?

Okay. We'll go out and play with Ace and Bandit.

Good. Eat up. I've got crates of the stuff downstairs.

I wouldn't feed this stuff to a dog.

Miss Wells, uh, there's been a mistake.

Wilby's not a dog.

Uh, Laura, sit down.

I don't know how to tell you this.

Wilby's only got two weeks to live.

That's right.

It's sad.

I was going to take him to Paris.

Mr. Daniels? Yes.

Oh, please, call me Montgomery.

No one else will.

Is something wrong?

Yes, uh...

Wilby's sick.

He's sick?

Well, he looks fine.

Uh, well, he's, uh, he's a brave dog. He's not a complainer.

Okay, well, I'll take him to the vet right away. No.

No. I took him to a vet.

The works.

Specialist.

There's only one hope.

I'm gonna have to take him to a small veterinary clinic in Geneva.

All right, well, if this is some way to get a larger fee, you can just forget

the whole thing.

Did I say Wilby?

I'm sorry.

I'm confused.

Yeah, it's the wrong file.

Just about put the wrong mud on the old corporate jet.

No, actually, I wanted to see how Wilby was doing.

He's fine.

Nothing unusual?

No shedding or sudden growth spurts?

He's fine. You have nothing to worry about.

But I admire your professionalism. We should work together again.

See you at the shoot tomorrow, Montgomery.

Montgomery. They called me Montgomery.

She's crazy about me.

Why wouldn't she be?

I'm a nice guy.

Gave her a dog.

I gave her my brother.

How would Lassie do that?

What does she do, paint it shut?

You never appreciate your thumbs until you lose them. Got it.

No, you don't. No.

Oof. That'll teach me to leave that window open.

No.

You be a good boy while I

take a shower, okay?

Oh, if I wasn't a purebred.

Quite a little gentleman, aren't you?

Go off.

I'll think about Gaul.

Now, don't go away.

Okay.

That's right.

I've come to rescue you. My hero.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I just got to get my footing.

Grab my paw.

Can you pull a little bit harder, Will?

Oops.

a good boy?

Beautiful,

isn't it?

Oh, yeah. It's got to be the most beautiful bug ring I've ever seen.

Maybe you can sell it to somebody in the pet control business.

Mr. Raglin, this is an antique.

Lucretia Borgia owned this ring.

You got any papers to prove it? Papers? Of course we've got papers. Lots of

papers.

What kind of papers?

It has an inscription on it. That has to prove something.

If it says I belong to Lucretia, you got a deal.

Let's see it.

I got to get out of here.

Whoa, not that way. I'd break my tail.

Ah, the laundry chute.

I'll never fit through there. It's no bigger than a dog.

What am I saying?

I am a dog.

Will you two stop playing with the trash?

Come on, I'll put you downstairs.

Come on.

I'll just paste this off.

Okay. One.

In canis.

Two.

Corporee.

Corporee.

Corporee. Three.

And jump.

Transmuto. Oh, no, not now.

Whoa.

Where'd you come from?

What?

control will.

Wilby?

Wilby?

Hey, boy.

Wilby?

Wilby? You still hungry?

Wilby?

Are you under there again?

Come on out, boy.

I'm not going to hurt you, I promise.

Well, if you promise.

Hi again.

Doing here?

Yes. Well, okay, all right. I'll tell you. I was going to keep it a secret,

I guess I'll tell you anyways.

Miss Wells, Laura, will you marry me?

What?

Okay, all right. We'll just date for a while. That's okay.

But now to the real reason that I'm here.

Will be.

We never really got a chance to say goodbye.

Oh, well, be my guest. I'm sure you can find your way under.

Um, he's not there. No, he's gone.

Looked everywhere.

That's ridiculous.

Uh, see for yourself.

Bobby?

He's not here.

Check under the dog dish.

See, I told you he wasn't there.

Oh, Mother, I don't feel like looking at any more houses today. I've got a lot

of stuff to do.

Maybe a nice colonial.

Something you could fix up. Yeah.

Like that one.

I'm glad to see you.

Hi!

So, where are we going?

Wilby?

What was all that about?

What?

Wilby!

Oh, that!

Oh, Wilby, you come back here right now.

I can't explain that.

That is a very eccentric client of mine, Laura Wells.

I can't really talk about it because of the attorney -client relationship thing.

What can I say?

Boy, I have to deal with some pretty strange people in my line of work.

Willie, where are you?

You see what I've got to put up with?

Of course, that doesn't factor into depreciation. No, no, no, it does not. I

deal with the new tax laws. A subchapter S corporation offers a very

attractive... That is so true. That is so true, sir. That is so true. I think

you'll agree with me, Willoughby, that accounting is the new... 100%. I'm with

you 100%. ...of warfare.

I think that we must... Is your father still talking to Willoughby? I guess so.

I think there's a few things I need to talk to Willoughby about.

Oh, yes?

What?

You're the one who left the window open.

Forget about invasion of privacy.

Forget about destruction of private property. Just keep this one thought in

mind. If Wilby doesn't show up at that commercial tomorrow, it's my job.

And if it's my job, it's your life.

Now, there's oil.

I'm not concerned about that. But we own them.

We've owned them for years.

Now, a whole rhubarb is just to keep the price of oil up.

And I understand that there's not going to be...

Hello?

Yes, may I speak to Professor Plunkett, please?

The professor?

Uh, he's not here.

Well, he's here, but... He's away.

Which is it? Is he here or is he away?

Both. Well, you see, he's sick.

Very, very sick.

He's got a fever. Very high temperature.

Quite delirious. Completely out of his head.

So, you see, he's not really here, is he?

Who are you talking to?

Right.

Who's calling, please?

Will be. Will be Daniels.

Right. Will be.

Professor Plumcutt's housekeeper.

Is the professor feeling all right?

Never better.

He's just gone out for a long walk.

I'll tell him to telephone you the minute he returns. Bye now.

That went well.

Will be. Betty!

Hi!

How are you?

I was just looking at this phone.

This is a great phone.

You know, I like a black phone. It's subtle. It's got the button. What kind

phone is this? We like to call it a touch -tone. Touch -tone, that's

Touch -tone is perfect for this phone.

Hmm, yeah.

I'd like to know what's going on.

I mean, I know you.

And I know nothing's going on, but... What's going on? Is it that woman?

Is that who you're calling?

Betty, you are the only...

woman in my life but i'm gonna need you to trust me until i figure something out

okay you're right i should trust you if i love you i should trust you

and i do okay i

love you i love you

I love you.

I trust him. I

do.

Forrest.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Hello? Oh, gee.

Wilby. Wilby, where are you?

More to the point, what are you? Moochie, I don't have time to talk.

Something very strange is going on at the Plumpkin Mansion. I need you to meet

me there tonight.

I'd really love to help you, but I got a few problems of my own here.

was really steamed about the way you disappeared on her.

Moochie, I don't have time to argue. I want you to meet me at the Plumpkit

Mansion at 10 o 'clock.

What are you doing?

Looking for a Latin dictionary.

Got it.

That's great, Carl.

I'm sure you'll be fluent in no time.

Meanwhile, that will -be person is probably out there right now knocking on

police captain's door.

Good boy.

I've got to find out what the inscription means. This could be our big

Carl.

Let me explain something to you.

You're stupid.

Stupid people don't come up with big scores.

It's a scientifically proven statistic.

So here's what we're going to do. We're going to sell all this junk to Raglin,

take our profits and get out of town.

Let's move.

Actuaries are a good...

Now, you pay very close attention, young man, because you're going to be doing

this one of these days. You pull the blade along the field towards you, but

very careful not to cut your hand. Oh, yeah. That should take care of it.

Thank you, Mother.

Potatoes will be? Yeah, sure.

Now, the rehearsal will be at 2 o 'clock.

The awning and the chairs will arrive in the morning.

I have this feeling that I'm forgetting something.

Oh, the rose!

Good, sweetheart.

Ice water, darling?

Say when.

When.

Here we are.

We'll be saving.

And it looks wonderful.

Betty, darling,

is there something you'd like to talk about?

No, darling.

If there was something important that I wanted to tell you, I would tell you.

Just like you tell me.

Would you like to carve, Wilbur? Oh, let me do it. No.

Well, I think you should carve, sir. You're the expert.

Thank you.

Ah,

here it is.

It means...

Everyone should have a book like that.

In canis, in canis, canis.

Canis, canis.

Call. It means dog.

Bless you, darling.

My allergies seem to be acting up.

I bet you're feeling allergic to dogs.

No kidding.

I've asked them to fix for 200, but there's 25 people who haven't really

responded. Maybe I should call them and ask for 25 more meals.

I don't know whether I can get her on the phone.

I could call them.

I'll ask you to bring enough for 25 more.

Oh.

Eddie, are you upset with me in any way?

Why would I be upset with you?

Not as if you're hiding anything from me.

Oh, bless you, darling.

Now, in case of rain, we'll move the chairs into the sunroom, the orchestra

the... Betty.

Yeah? Are you listening?

This is your wedding.

We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'm listening, Mother.

Bless you. Bless you, Daddy. Then the ushers will dress up in Daddy's fitting.

We'll move the orchestra into the foyer. Then we'll put the bridesmaids you all

will dress up in your sitting room. You have your sitting room?

Corpore, corpore, corpore body.

Into dog's body.

Transmuto.

Into dog's body transformed.

I wonder what it means.

Did you invite these people?

Let me see.

Oh, the yams, Wilbur.

Wilby, Daddy just asked you a question.

Ross Gordon, I know.

Wilby?

Wilby? The yams.

Yeah, I'm down here with them.

Boy, boy, these sure are yams.

They're... Yam, yams.

Don't peek.

Maybe he just needs to be by himself for a little while.

We'll be Daniels. You come out from under that table right now.

Oh, I just remembered something.

I got an emergency back at the office.

Darn, I've got to run. Gee, thanks for the air.

Ruby Daniels, you come back here right now.

Thanks for dinner.

I love you.

Okay. Let's put all this together. I read the inscription on the ring, into a

dog's body transform.

Yeah?

And Manfred, who is a dog, disappears.

Well, this can only mean one thing.

What?

Somebody took our dog while I was reading.

It is literally impossible to underestimate your intelligence.

Sit down.

It was the ring, dummy.

The ring. They've got the ring.

It's the body of a dog transformed.

Manfred didn't just disappear. He must have transformed into something.

But whoever he is, he can't be very happy about it.

No kidding.

A man who turns into a

dog.

There's got to be a way to make a buck on this.

No, we don't even know who it is.

I've got to get in and get that ring.

There it is.

Okay.

Great, the window's stuck.

Hi, I'm Moochie Daniels.

I'm looking for my brother, Wilby.

Wilby?

Please, come in.

Got it.

Time of night.

So much -y. Have a seat.

Moochie.

You say your brother told you to meet? Moochie.

Are you sure you're friends with the professors?

We're very close.

Very close.

We've been with him for years.

Moochie, look over here.

All right, I guess I can trust you.

Well, it all started when Wilby was a teenager.

He found this ring.

Well, yeah, actually, Professor Plunkett found the ring. He was... Well, no,

somebody else found the ring.

It was just Professor Plunkett, who was the curator of the museum at the time.

So, if you do find the ring, then give me a ring. I mean, if you do find the

call. If you find the ring... We'll ring you.

Oh, good. It's kind of important.

Where can we reach you?

Oh, I will be in the park tomorrow filming a dog food commercial.

Confidentially, there is a woman who works in the ad agency, Laura Wells.

She thinks this dog is sensational.

Personally,

I think Lassie has broader appeal.

Looking for the ring right away. Good. Oh, if my brother does happen to stop

please tell him I was here and, you know, give him a bowl of water or

We'll take very good care of him.

Bye. Bye.

Night, people.

Oh, there you are.

How could you have been so stupid? You asked me to meet you there, and I met

there. God bless you.

My gut reaction?

I think you seriously misjudged those people. They seem to genuinely care.

They're con artists. They're phonies, Moochie.

Who knows what they did with the professor?

Here, dry yourself off. Put these on, too.

You're living here now?

Hey, these tenant -landlord laws need serious review.

I mean, you missed six or seven months of rent, and they are on your back.

Never mind.

How hungry are you?

Forget it.

You'll thank me later.

Okay, here's what we do. We call the police.

No, we can't call the police. We don't have any proof.

Philby, I think you're overreacting. Listen, we have to get into that house

find the ring.

You know.

I'll get it.

Hey, those look good on you.

Wilby?

Oh, hi.

Uh, Wilby, what are you doing with those pajamas on again? Take those things

off. What did he do you?

Laura, I could take much better care of him myself here, honestly.

Didn't you see the nice little bed I made for him in the file drawer?

put pajamas on a dog.

You're a very thick person.

Okay, that aside, don't you think there's a certain animal, a certain

between the two of us?

Look, I'm gonna go home again. We'll be ready for the commercial tomorrow.

And if I catch you hanging around my house again, I'm gonna call the cops.

So I shouldn't set a place for you?

I'm just gonna throw it out.

I even called his apartment this morning.

He didn't come home last night.

Oh, no, come on, Benny. You're jumping to conclusions.

It doesn't mean he was with her.

I mean, he could have been hit by a truck or something.

It's important to keep a positive attitude.

You're the one who said he was running around.

Well, I'm a very negative person.

Okay, let's face reality.

He's with her. He's not with her.

I know we'll be better than that.

One way to find out.

You expect me to call her?

What's her name? I'll find the number.

Just put your mind at ease.

No. Come on. Come on.

Go. No, I don't... Yeah.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, is Wilby there, please?

Uh, yes, he's here. Who is this?

He's there.

Could I speak with him, please?

I'm sorry, Wilby can't come to the phone right now. I'm giving him a bath.

A bath?

You're giving him a bath?

He was dirty.

But thanks for calling to check.

He was dirty.

So she's giving him a bath.

I want a very naturalistic approach.

The whole idea is that if their dog's a canine colonel, they'll be just as

terrific as Will be, right? Hold up.

Where is he? Who?

Will be.

I want him back, and I want him back right now.

Misha, I have to call you back.

Let me guess.

Betty. Let me guess.

Miss Cleanliness.

Although I can't tell by the looks of this place.

I'm doing some redecorating. Uh -huh.

Well, where have you gotten him hidden, hmm?

Is he over here?

Hmm? Where is he?

Where is he? Where have you gotten him? Hmm? What about here? Is he in here?

Where have you gotten him? Hmm? Hmm? Here? No.

You're not getting him back. Well, she told me how you mistreated Wilby.

Why would I mistreat Wilby? I'm madly in love with him.

You're in love with Wilby.

And you're not.

Let's face it.

The only thing that you guys have got going between you two is a physical

attraction. Well,

I pet him occasionally, but... Please, no details.

Whatever he's done, I'm willing to forgive him.

Just tell him the rehearsal is at two o 'clock.

The rehearsal?

What rehearsal?

For our wedding. You didn't know?

No, I never suspected.

Have you...

Talk to anybody about this?

Well, my parents.

At first, I don't think that they were that crazy about Wilby, but now that

they've gotten to know him, I think... Well, no, I think that they secretly

that I was marrying a man that I went with in college. A man would have been

first choice.

Listen, Betty, you seem like a really nice person, and it's probably none of

business, but if I were you, I'd stall my marriage plans just for a little

while. Not that Wilby isn't very nice, but he is an animal.

He is?

Why didn't I notice that?

Anyway, just tell him the rehearsal's at two o 'clock.

And I'll be waiting.

That poor poor girl.

I'll be there, Betty.

Betty, what are you doing here?

Anybody home?

Can't you ever just say hello?

How good.

You're here.

Everything's set to go at the park.

You know, I really don't think he likes you.

She's crazy about me.

I don't believe this is happening to me. Oh, come

on, Wilb.

Get me out of here.

Please, Will, you've got to go with me on this. This commercial is very

important to me. Using your own brother to advance your career.

I thought I could trust you. You can trust me.

Besides,

it's only 12 o 'clock. We've still got two hours before the wedding rehearsal.

We have to find that ring.

We'll find it.

We'll find it.

Okay.

All right, everybody, we're ready to roll.

The sooner we get this thing done, the sooner we get out of here.

Right. All right, quiet, people. We're trying to work here.

You're having a thing. The dog's being playful.

Let's try it.

All right, settle down.

Action.

Unbelievable. Look at him. He's great.

All right.

I tell you, look at that. This dog's worth a fortune.

I didn't know you could do that, Will.

Now, let's see how this little beauty works.

Hey, guys, relax with him.

You're having fun.

Action.

Couldn't you have waited till the last shot?

Let's just go get that ring.

Hey, it's that Mucci fellow.

Mucci! Come on, let's go.

Hurry up.

Let's go, Mucci.

Sorry. Four word would be nine.

Will you get in here?

I hope you know you're leaving France.

You just keep an eye out for those two phony servants.

Trust me, I can do two things at once.

Okay, now let me get this straight. We snatch the Willoughby fellow, we turn

into a dog, and then we sell him to the commercial lady for $100 ,000.

Couldn't she buy another dog for a lot less money?

Yes. Oh, the pet stalls are full of dogs like we'll be.

It's not in here.

It's got to be here somewhere.

You'll be not again.

Oh, come on.

He's a person, not a dog.

At least not yet.

We've got to get out of here.

Don't worry, Will.

I'll get you to that rehearsal on time.

Come on.

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

Moochie?

I'm going into the living room to start sorting things out. You go into the

library and start on the heavy things.

Heavy things? If you've got the strength.

You sure are quiet, Will.

I wish it'd say something.

Okay.

That's the first step.

We're here.

Now, the second step.

You've got to change into a man.

I know it. Just concentrate. I know you can do it, huh?

Listen, listen.

Listen to me.

It's just the power of suggestion.

You're a man, not a dog.

Moochie Daniels?

Where is he?

He's close.

Very close.

Oh, look at this. Isn't it horrible?

Should we send it to your mother?

I have to keep an eye on you all the time.

I told you we needed more boxes.

Never mind. I suppose we'll have to make do with these.

Won't be long now, folks.

It's time to get serious.

We've got to beat this thing or it's going to beat you.

What's with the silent treatment?

Are you angry at me? Is that it?

Were you angry?

All right.

I made a few mistakes.

I admit it.

But I'll tell you something, Will.

I have learned from my mistakes. I have grown.

I don't see you growing, Will.

Bad -willed.

Bad -willed.

Now listen very carefully.

How many times do I have to tell you?

Put the big ones on the bottom and the small ones on the top. I know, I know.

Well, you're not doing it right.

Nobody move.

I'm prepared to use this thing.

Isn't that a statue?

Yes, but a very heavy statue.

Oh,

he will. Don't worry.

2 .30.

He's not coming, is he?

Promise me that what I'm about to tell you will not go beyond the walls of this

gazebo.

I'm sorry, Will, but I'm just going to have to tell her.

Betty.

Mr. and Mrs. Fielding.

Honored guests.

This is Will B.

I know.

I know.

It's hard to believe that your fiancé is a fur -bearing animal.

But it's true.

Come on.

Tell her, Will.

Come on, fella.

Tell her like it is.

Don't hold back.

Come on, boy.

Come on, boy.

Speak.

How could he do this to me?

He could have just said... No.

He didn't have to humiliate me like this.

This is really, really cruel, Moochie.

I want the ring, and I want it now.

You mean this ring?

Just toss it to me.

You sure this is the right ring?

The one that says, In canis corpore. No!

As far as I'm concerned, I never want to see you again.

Wilb?

Wilb?

Okay, big guy, I was just kidding.

think you used enough rope, Carl?

Did you see where he bit me?

Hello? Hello? Is that Laura Wells?

Yes. Listen closely.

I have the dog. I'm prepared to sell him to you for one...

and tell you where to bring it.

$100 ,000, we'll be rich.

What's that dog saying?

I don't know, Carl.

He's gagged.

You really think you'll get away with it? Go ahead, sell me to Laura. But as

soon as I'm free, I'm going straight to the cops and tell them everything.

Don't be ridiculous.

We're in big trouble.

Think of this for a minute. Who are they going to believe, us or a talking dog?

And that's all you'll ever be.

Because if you ever go to the police, this goes into the furnace.

Melt, melt, melt.

I could just get my paws on it. Oh, that's so mean.

Thank you, Carl.

Never get away with this.

Put the muzzle on him.

Oh, come on.

Can I help

you? I'm sorry to bother you, but this gentleman says his brother's disappeared

and he seems to think you may be responsible.

Don't be taken in by their good manners.

Search the place. I know he's in there somewhere.

Will be.

Do you have a warrant? Don't be silly, Carl. Please come in, officers. Look

anywhere you like.

Will be.

Wilby?

Wilby?

He's got to be around here somewhere.

There he is. There's my brother.

Wilby, are you okay?

Arrest him.

There's your proof.

Arrest those two.

I wouldn't get too close to that dog, young man. We had to tie him up. I'm

afraid he's very vicious.

And crappy.

I think we better talk about this outside.

You don't believe me?

Take the muzzle off the dog. He'll tell you the whole story.

I want to see one of your superiors. Get in the car. Let me do that.

You haven't heard the last of Moochie Daniels.

Drive.

worry about.

Don't worry about it. Take the flowers out, please. All right, we're bringing

them out. Okay, fine.

Take the flowers. No, down, down.

Okay, take them out.

All right.

Edna, move that.

All right, it's okay. All right.

No,

no, don't take these out. Watch me. Excuse me, could you come back? Down.

taking those chairs in there. No more wedding.

No way, Wilby Daniels.

Stop!

Betty! Take everything back. Everything just the way it was.

Sweetheart, what are you doing? I'm marrying Wilby. But I thought you told

left you. Mother, I'm not going to let this chance slip away. I love Wilby. I

know he loves me. Something must have happened. But isn't it a little late?

call everybody. Tell them to be here.

I'm going to find Wilby.

Close the door, Mother.

But are you sure you've thought this out?

No.

Why should this time be any different?

Wait! Wait! Put everything back!

Hello? Shut up and listen.

Bring the money to the plum cut. house on Old River Road.

No cop and no trip.

Well, the mat doesn't make it.

Five minutes more and you're forever fido.

I call the weather bureau.

They say Panama is warm this time of year.

It's on the equator, Carl.

Did you expect ski conditions?

You don't have to always be sarcastic. I wouldn't be sarcastic if you didn't

need it. Well, you are.

Oh, hey, look, here's the $18 and

it's $1 here. I need to borrow your van.

I'll have it back to you in an hour, hour and a half.

I need to leave.

She's here.

Hmm.

Let's get this over with.

Oh, and good morning to you too, Miss Wells.

Let me have it. Sure.

Thank you.

This isn't 100 ,000. This is more like 1 ,000.

Take it or leave it. Leave it and I go to the police, which is probably what I

should have done in the first place. Well, you don't get the dog.

Oh, no.

Will you leave me alone? I'm trying to buy him back from these two. Buy him?

But, Wilby, he is not for sale. He is not for sale.

Perfect.

He's not for sale, and I mean it.

Whoever that is, get rid of her.

me.

He drives, too?

Hey, pull over!

There's a dog driving my car. What?

This ring must mean something.

Moochie!

Hi there.

Where's Wilby?

He drove up to Betty. Got it.

Where's Betty?

The doornapper lady has her. Got it.

Where am I?

On your way after them. Come on.

What happened to you?

There was a... They took me to jail. I gave the kid $20.

Get in the van.

you

Sorry. There's my dog again.

That's not your dog. That's Wilby.

Wilby. Wilby.

Moochie.

Read the inscription.

What inscription?

On the ring. The inscription. The ring. I forgot the ring.

The ring.

Will this do?

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, uh, in pain escape.

What's going on?

We're in pursuit of a pizza truck chasing a sports car driven by a large

sheepdog. Come on, Moochie!

I don't care what you did.

I love you. Let's get married.

Okay.

What's going on here?

Don't worry, officer.

I have insurance it'll cover all the damage.

That's good, Mr. Daniels. Because I want you downtown tomorrow to explain it

all. I'd be happy to.

And what?

Watch him.

Keeps talking about men turning into dogs, dogs turning into men.

Thinks she's a butler?

Scary stuff.

The human mind.

Okay, buddy. Come on out of there.

Are you okay?

Dog's quite a driver.

We're coming, Will.

Reckless driving?

Position of stalling good?

Oh, do shut up. You're giving me a headache.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman in holy

matrimony. We do.

Oh, well, does the best man have the ring?

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Okay, so he's a... Uh -huh.

And she's his... Yeah.

So now Betty and Wilby are... Well, now, yeah.

I don't think I want to know.

Well, how about I explain it to you over a...

Nice romantic dinner for two.

Me and you?

Yeah.

Why not?

Great.

I'll bring the pizza.

Okay, is everybody ready?

I like

the way you think.

Ever thought about doing commercials?

It's a beautiful ring.

And you even had it inscribed. It says, in Canaan. Betty!