Original subtitles

And here he is. Your favourite host,

stepping out of cryogenic suspension…

Defrost complete.

All right, babe, what's the year?

2925.

- Venue? - Harmony Arena.

Teeth?

- Dazzling. - And we're on.

May I introduce, the immortal Rylan.

Whoo! Rylan!

Good evening, Harmony Arena!

What a fabulous night.

- And welcome to 2925… - Right.

All we need is two minutes.

Get this Vindicator aligned, then we can get you back to Earth.

- Now we've whittled it down… - Is that

- from 50,000 contestants… - Rylan?

…to 40 finalists from 40 different worlds, all singing live for you tonight.

And reaching out in song across the universe.

Welcome to the 803rd Interstellar Song Contest.

Whoo!

- We're so staying. - We're staying.

Right, everyone, here we go. Bit of focus, please.

Tighter on Rylan.

Music fade out. Steady on 26. SOP VT 1.

Fifteen, give me audience reaction. Find some faces.

Wynn, are we ready on pre-record five?

All cued up and standing by.

Graphics, get ready with the voting links.

Rylan, give me some awe.

- Aw. - No. Awe. A-W-E.

Folks, it is awesome.

The Interstellar Song Contest is transmitted live

across the entire western galactic arm.

An audience of three trillion life forms to find one winner.

Cue confetti cannon.

Now let me hear some noise!

Cultivated from 100% organic golden poppy.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

PoppyHoney is every bit as sweet, rich and decadent as the real thing.

It's so good you won't believe it.

Proud sponsors,

PoppyHoney, the galaxy's favourite.

See, we were worried about nothing.

This proves that the earth survives.

In style.

I was there in '74 when ABBA won.

Olivia Newton-John came fourth.

- Absolute scenes. Absolute scenes. - What?

I watched with my mum and dad when I was little.

It was the best night of the year.

They'd let me stay up late for voting,

as long as I brushed my teeth and got into my pyjamas.

Look at me now.

God, it's such a beautiful night.

Where are we? Where's this taking place?

That is not night. That is space. The Harmony Arena is a space station.

Do you see?

There.

We're inside a bubble on a station in orbit.

The universe is wild, babes.

So, what, the song contest let in Australia and then space?

I knew it. I knew that you would enjoy it finally, being with me.

Okay, gotcha.

Vindicator ready and primed.

Thank you, Doctor. That's the final link.

No rush. I love a good show.

Grape?

- I wonder whose seats we're in. - . It's too late now. They've missed it.

Whoo!

They're sitting in our seats. Look.

Those two people are sitting in seats that absolutely, positively

definitely belong to us.

None of this would've happened if you'd just turned up on time.

- I said I'm sorry. - It's more than that, Mike.

You don't take anything I do seriously.

It's hardly important, Gary. It's just songs.

I'm not even gonna dignify that with a resp…

Actually, you know what, I will. Because it is not just songs, Mike.

It's part of who I am. And when you make fun of it,

it's like you're making fun of me.

I don't know, Gary. It's like we're going around in circles.

Sometimes I think that we should...

Hurry up! We're gonna miss the beginning.

How many times… Why won't you do something?

This is my ticket card. Mine.

Now, would you do your job and get those people out, please?

Phase one activated.

How does that help?

What am I supposed to do now?

What does he mean "phase one"?

Phase one activated.

Okay, drones, keep it quiet. Thank you. What's phase one?

What was that?

I'm phase one.

Hi.

Who the hell are you?

Who the Hellion.

That's my species and my name is Kid.

We're in the middle of transmission. Drones, get him out.

I have drone control. At arms.

- Everyone, stay calm. - Nobody move. This gallery is mine.

Okay. …

Let's… Let's… Should we say hello to some contestants?

- Oui. - Let's do that.

Who have we got… Hello. I see hot favourite.

It's Cora from Trion.

Hello, everyone!

I'm so excited.

Honestly, it's such an honour to be here.

I mean, what a night. I can't wait to sing.

Lock West 7 Bulkhead 5 and keep them guarded.

Although it's a shame they're gonna miss the show.

- Miss me? - You have no idea.

It's time, gorgeous.

Phase two.

Wynn, whatever you're doing, stop.

I took a chance on you. No one employs Hellions, but I did.

How benevolent of you, baby. Hit the back-up.

Thank you, Sabine.

But that's the dress rehearsal.

Broadcasting across the galaxy.

- And no one's gonna know the difference. - Well, that's where you're wrong.

Rylan wasn't at the dress, he was still in deep freeze.

We're ready for that.

Publicity comms can say he got food poisoning.

Tell them he ate something nasty.

Later on, you can vote using your home neural hypersync headset.

Or, of course, on the app.

And on behalf of the Interstellar Song Contest,

it's bonne nuit, all around the galaxy.

From Alpha Centauri to the Zygon New Habitat,

songs and music and joy

can unite us all!

Let go of me.

- Access granted. - Gallery.

Shh.

Gallery, what's happening? Have you got control of the Arena?

That's correct. We're just rerouting. It's nothing to worry about, Eddo.

We've got about 30 seconds till they realise anything is wrong.

It's all I need.

And cue VT.

Anyone?

Fine. … Let's start the show, shall we?

Yeah.

It's Liz Lizardine, from the planet Lizoko.

With her song, "I Love You, But My Heart Says No."

Safety protocols off.

But you can't do that.

Nina? Anyone? Are you there? What is this, amateur hour?

Rylan, my name is Kid.

- I'm a big fan. - Who's Kid?

This is the greatest song contest in the universe,

so as you would say, let's raise the roof!

How are you gonna vote if you don't listen to the song properly?

Yeah, Bel, I think that there might be a…

Is that… part of the show?

Danger, air shield collapsing.

Danger, air shield collapsing.

Do you know my favourite kind of music?

Pop.

Whoa! Whoa!

Not again.

Doctor.

The dress rehearsal is still broadcasting.

…all 40 acts have sung.

- Lines are not open yet… - The arena is purged.

…so don't try to vote

I'm closing the shield to maintain integrity.

You're monsters.

That's what people have said to me my whole life.

'Cause of the horns.

Now, let's carry on with the show.

Next up

I'm only doing the things you expect of me.

Moving to phase three.

Final phase.

Fetch the device.

Device to the gallery.

Listen to me, they're not dead.

The Mavity Shell is still on.

It's not too late. You could still save those people.

I said I'm busy!

With this.

What is it?

It's called a Delta Wave.

'Cause phase three

is the absolute best.

My God. I'm not the only one. What do we do?

What the hell happened?

No idea. And we're locked in.

Don't worry. I started off in the tech squad.

I can open this. If I can just trip the code switch.

My friend. My friend went up through the roof.

Is there some sort of air bubble or something?

Can't we call for rescue?

Are there emergency services?

They've got to exist.

We can't call.

We're in close-down.

What does that mean?

Gambling rules.

If people could transmit from here, they could hyperstream a bet

to the other side of the galaxy before the results get there.

So all signals are blocked and closed.

So… no one knows?

No one's doing anything. There… There's no police or…

Not until the show ends.

And now from the planet Grimbald, it's Dugga Doo!

That's the dress rehearsal. It must be playing on automatic.

But… we can't just…

How do we…

My God.

I've got no way out.

My mum and dad will just sit there waiting, like, forever.

I don't even know where I am.

You're on the Harmony station.

- Where's that? - Sector Diamond Five.

- But where's that? - West of Vangossiter.

But where's that? Where the hell am I?

I'm stuck here on my own.

- And I'm no one! - Hey, hey.

You're alive.

You're alive.

What's your name?

Belinda.

Nice name, Belinda.

I'm Cora.

Hi, Cora.

Sorry. I'm just…

My friend. God. He was so wonderful.

And I never got to tell him.

This is weird.

I'm tapping into the computer core, but it's being overridden.

There's something new. Like the software's rewriting everything.

But what for?

Syncing software and calibrating.

You can still help those people.

- I saw you save that contestant. - Don't say a word.

That was the girl from Trion. What's so special...

Shut it.

We're doing this for Hellia.

Those people can't be saved.

Go back. Go back.

Grandfather, go back.

Find me.

Is that one moving?

What's he doing?

He's not seriously gonna use a confetti cannon to fly through space?

Whoo-hoo!

He's going for the airlock!

Come on.

Go.

Gary, medical kit on the wall. Break the seal and bring it to me.

It's all right, sweetheart. I've got you.

My name is Mike. Michael Gabbastone.

I'm a nurse.

Wow. You're amazing.

Two hearts, you show-off.

A respiratory bypass system, very clever.

You're an amazing little creature.

You're gonna be okay. Now hold on.

I've never seen you at work before.

Good, because that would mean you're very ill.

And I don't want that.

Now, this might hurt!

Better?

Did I just fly through space on a confetti cannon?

- Yeah. - Camp.

- I was frozen. - You were lucky.

You should see it out there. It's carnage. Must be a hundred thousand dead.

No. No, not dead.

- I'm sorry, but look at them. - Look at me, I survived.

- You were lucky, mate. - I was clever, Mike. Did you say Mike?

- Mike. - And your name?

- Gary. - I was clever, Mike and Gary,

because mavity is holding them but I triplicated the mavity field.

All those people are still alive.

So they're not just floating? They're in mavitic suspension?

In a state of preservation.

- But it's freezing out there. - Exactly.

- Exactly, that helps us. - I've seen it happen.

It's like when a body's plunged into freezing water.

Life signs get suspended but they can be revived.

Belinda.

Belinda. Belinda's out there.

Frozen.

And the TARDIS is gone.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

Look, that's a hundred thousand people.

Frozen and suspended in space.

To reach them, and catch them, and revive every single one of them,

you'd need to be some sort of insane genius.

Hello. I'm the Doctor.

Starting the upload.

We should be ready to broadcast during song 14.

Which is?

Cora Saint Bavier.

She/Her.

Best voice, best act, best song.

Our dearly departed Cora Saint Bavier

is going to blow their minds.

If I can tap into the helium core, then maybe I can…

No. No, that wouldn't work.

New software.

It says it's Hellion script. What… Who are the Hellions?

From the planet Hellia.

My mum and dad used to vacation there.

All those fields of Hell poppies, far as the eye could see.

- Said it was stunning. - Yeah, it's all ruined now.

Totally destroyed.

They say the Hellions did it to themselves.

I wonder what they're uploading.

- You okay? - Yeah. Alive.

- You? - Yeah, just about.

- I love you. - I love you.

Time and a place, boys.

That was a primitive Delta Wave aimed at the temporal lobe of the brain.

How many people are watching the song contest?

Three trillion.

If they route that signal through the station and transmit,

it will kill every single person watching.

They're gonna kill them all.

I've got it. It's the Hellions.

- They did this. - What are Hellions?

Weird lot. They say they practise cannibalism.

And witchcraft.

They've got these horns.

People say they give them psychic powers.

Yeah, people say that a lot…

About species they don't understand.

If I'm going to fight that signal, I'm going to need a caustic hyperlink.

I've got it. There's a tech-desk over here.

I can access it.

Hyperlinks, dazzle filters, retroscope, B-line-blockers.

You know your stuff.

That's my boy.

What is this place? A museum?

The history of the entire contest, or as I like to call it, paradise.

That's how I got the posh seats.

I worked on the song contest tech design. I was in charge of the hologram archive.

Do you see?

Welcome, visitors. Hello.

Wishing I hadn't sold my likeness in perpetuity, but here we are.

No way!

I met him at Brighton Pride.

What a weekend.

I'm Graham Norton. Long since dead.

Aw, sad face.

But from humble beginnings on Planet Earth,

the Interstellar Song Contest now spans the entire universe.

Are you okay?

Belinda would have loved this.

- Is that your friend? - I'm her protector.

And I swore that I'd get her home.

But I keep thinking…

No. No, no, no.

Stop.

Good. Good.

Good. Good, good, good.

Have you found that hyperlink?- …

Here.

Plus vision and sound.

Whoa.

Whoa! What's going on?

Someone's interfering with my systems.

I recommend you stop that right now, sweetheart.

Who are you?

Tell me exactly who you are.

Is that the Doctor?

- It's the Doctor. Can we see him? - Tonight, Rylan, I'll be representing.

Revenge Against the Corporation.

- My name is Kid. - He's alive.

He's alive.

Who do you represent?

The Doctor.

The last of the Time Lords.

Good name for a band.

You did all of this,

and now you're threatening three trillion people.

Except I am here telling you no.

If you come anywhere near the gallery,

I'll purge the airlocks and clear the whole station.

And do you know what I'll do?

I will survive.

And I will find you.

And you can run and hide and whimper all you like,

but I will find you.

'Cause you have put ice in my heart, darling.

You put it there.

So I will cast your body out into the void.

And I will stand and watch you freeze to death.

That's… not him.

The Delta Wave is at 95%.

You need to input the final calibration.

No.

Thank you for your empty threats.

This conversation is over.

Droneguards?

He's in the museum.

Find and execute.

Immediately.

Cora?

Do you know them?

She's called Wynn.

He's called Kid.

As in, baby goat?

As in, his mother was shot,

before anyone asked her his name.

How do you know so much about Hellions, Cora?

Because.

I'm one of them.

I couldn't tell you.

We're not allowed to sing.

We're treated like scum right across the galaxy.

So, what happened?

How did you.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to ask.

Did you cut your horns off yourself?

Was it by choice?

By force.

Hellia was the most harmless world in the sky.

Then the Corporation bought the entire planet,

including it's population, for one reason only.

To harvest their Hell poppy.

Is that like, drugs?

No.

It's for that.

PoppyHoney.

I'm sorry.

Your planet was invaded for honey?

My planet was invaded for honey flavouring.

They took the seeds and burnt the fields, so we could never grow it back.

So, Kid blames the Corporation and the Corporation sponsors the contest.

He's out to get revenge.

And that includes every single viewer.

You know him.

Do you think you could stop him?

They might listen to me.

Len, you understand the door systems.

- Maybe you could... - I'm not helping you.

Then help everyone else.

Len, that gallery is seven floors above us.

If you can get the elevators working, then, maybe, I could talk to them.

I want to get there, too.

'Cause that's where the Doctor will be heading.

I've never seen him like this before.

And trust me,

if he's angry, this whole world is going to shake.

What I need to do is trip that switch,

fold it over and kink that together until it becomes a single conduit.

- Doctor. - Once I've done that,

- if I flip the whole system back… - Doctor.

Once it is folded back I can employ a micro-stitch.

Doctor!

Then I can loop this rod into a fully energised hyperlink.

Now, if only I had an expert in triangulation.

That's me, sir.

I invented the triangulation system.

- Gary! - Yes.

I like you.

Thank God.

And now, from the planet Trion, it's Cora Saint Bavier.

And counting down… song 14.

Get ready to transmit the Delta Wave.

All those years working on that song, and you lied to me, Cora.

I'm telling you, when I get this done,

you're on your own.

When the device hits a hundred,

the Corporation will be remembered for a massacre.

But this slaughter is off the scale.

Please, think of them. All those people at home.

Did they ever think about us?

No, they did not!

Delta Wave, 99%.

When I tell you to stop…

You really should stop, babes.

- Or what? - Or you'll regret it.

Because I have met so many versions of you, Kid.

And revenge is just an excuse.

Because your cold, filthy heart just likes to kill.

Well, Doctor.

If you insist.

What?

Lost him.

They know it's a fake.

Hiya.

- Don't move. - What, in case I do this?

Big mistake.

See, the thing about holograms is they're kinda soft.

And they fizz, and they crackle, and they're kind of no use.

Unless you're me.

And you convert them into hard light.

In which case, a hologram can hurt.

How many people did you want to kill? Three trillion?

How about we try this three trillion times?

No!

Stop.

Grandfather.

No.

Bel.

- Droneguard override. - Kid!

- Default to stat-matics. - It's okay.

- Droneguard revert. - On those two.

After all these years.

I won't apologise.

This cannot be the gentle kin-sister I loved so much.

You abandoned me.

- No. - You left me there to rot.

So we had to do it.

We had to tell the galaxy about the Corporation.

What have you ever done, Cora?

Except hide?

Get them out of here. Shuttle them to the Justice Monolith.

I'll see you again, Doctor.

And I'll be ready, Kid.

Believe me, that ice that you put in my heart,

I think it's still there.

I think it'll be there forever, now.

So you take care.

But what do we do? It still isn't over.

There's still a hundred thousand people out there trapped in that mavity thing.

There's nothing we can do.

They're all going to die. Frozen to death.

No, there's got to be something.

Rylan.

Do you see?

All those people were frozen in the Mavity Shell.

Perfectly suspended in space.

But… but…

If only I had a hologram expert

who could fashion hard light into a tractor beam.

Can you do that, Gary?

I'd do anything for you.

Gary.

- Anything. - Ooh.

Got him.

If only… if only I had medical staff

that could turn Rylan's cryogenic chamber into a revival booth.

- What do you say, Mike? - I'll do anything for you.

Back of the queue.

Blood pressure balanced.

Synapses level, minus one.

And… zero.

My God. I'm so pleased to meet you.

It's Rylan!

Um, sorry.

Mr Clark, my name is Belinda. I'm a nurse.

Don't worry, you're fine. We're just gonna go check you out, okay?

- Okay, yeah. - Okay?

Babe, what happened?

You came back from the dead.

Sums up my career.

Amazing.

Amazing. Amazing!

Now can you do that 100,000 times?

- … yeah. - Yeah.

If only I had someone very clever

to turn this VIP pod into a revival booth.

Ladies, gentlemen, others, betters, whatevers, we are back!

Whoo!

And that is the spirit of the Song Contest.

- It's not about winning. - Non.

But it is the joy of each other.

Come on Rylan, do your stuff.

Now, the actual contest is a little bit null and void,

what with us nearly dying and everything. She looks well.

But there is one song.

One song we want you all to hear

right across the galaxy.

With all three trillion of you watching,

I give to you, Cora Saint Bavier.

This is a song the Corporation tried to hide.

The song of my home planet, Hellia.

Go back where you came from!

To remind us of the world that we lost.

To remember a civilisation that the Corporation destroyed.

Its beauty.

Its history.

Its soul.

Good girl.

There you go.

They found it on the asteroid spar.

It's a tough old thing.

Thank you.

I'd better get back. There's a lot of accident forms to fill in.

Take care now.

Bless you.

And the results from Belinda say,

"Douze points, Docteur."

I thought it was my "Waterloo", turns out it was my "Rise Like a Phoenix"!

I don't think I've ever told you.

You're wonderful.

But still.

I never really know what you're thinking.

You scared me back there.

I scared myself.

The death of three trillion people triggered me.

It made me think of my home planet.

'Cause they all died.

In a single second.

Every last Time Lord.

But I got this image…

Grandfather?

It can't be.

I need to get you home, Bel.

If I disappear for much longer,

they're going to make a podcast about the missing nurse.

And besides, there is a very tasty chef on Hinge,

who's gonna think I ghosted him,

so fire up that Vindicator and get me back to planet Earth.

Planet Earth. Age-old home of the human race.

Also dogs, cats, ferrets, polar bears and measles.

My God. It's Graham Norton.

Poor old Earth died, many years ago.

Hologram, explain.

The history books say the planet ended

on the old Earth date May the 24th, 2025.

- What? - Ended…

Ended how?

It is said the planet disintegrated, into rock and dust and ashes.

All the memories here were sieved from the rubble of a civilisation

that died in a single second.

Cause?

Unknown.

That was the day that I left.

How can the whole world be dead?

I don't know, but we are gonna find out.

'Cause we finally have enough readings on the Vindicator.

This thing is working.

Bel, I am not just gonna take you home.

I am gonna save your home.

Here we go.

What… What's happening?

What is that noise?

That is the sound of May the 24th.

Here we go. This is the last one.

We've had quite a few with some side effects.

- But I can get you to a sick bay. - Has he gone?

My name is Mike and I'm a nurse.

I said, has he gone?

- Who? - The Doctor.

- How do you know the Doctor? - Yeah, he's gone.

We looked for him, but he's just disappeared.

Then it's safe.

I'm afraid my double-brainstem froze.

Lethal for a Time Lady.

But I've got my own knack for survival.

I suppose I should think of some famous last words.

How about…

Let battle begin.

Must we? How inelegant.

I… I'm ever so sorry, ma'am.

Well, they never taught me that at nursing school.

- We've bi-generated. - Evidently.

But how did you…

- Are you both the same person? - Unfortunately, yes.

Our name is the Rani.

Although she's become a Rani,

while I'm the Rani.

The definite article, so to speak.

Now, have you got the Vindicator readings?

Here, ma'am.

Sorry, ma'am.

Then come with me, Mrs Flood.

Out of the way, boys. Because I have a date to arrange.

And as for the Doctor, I will bring him absolute terror.

That's what I said.

- Shut up. - Yes, ma'am.