Original subtitles

(CROWD CHEERING)

Come on, come on, come on. All right, here we go.

MAN: Take a seat, buddy!

Come on. It was a good play.

Are you gonna be like this all day?

I don't know. Is it gonna be like this all day?

I don't know. It's up to you.

I have no room to sit. I got no room to sit.

I'm sitting next to a guy who's sitting

like he's at home on the toilet with his legs spread.

Please don't crowd people. Relax, please. Look at me.

I am relaxed. Look how I'm sitting.

Why are you sitting like that? Because... What do you think?

Why'd you wake me up for this shit?

Because I'm trying to relax and have a nice day.

Sweating in the sun like a Tijuana whore.

VENDOR: Ice-cold soda!

Get your soda here!

VENDOR: On the right. Coming down there. Pass that on down there.

Hey, hot dog guy, can I get six hot dogs down here, please?

Right away. GARY: And make it right, please.

You know, with the mustard and the ketchup and the relish.

Don't make me hit you up for more.

I thought we were going to Wiener Circle after this.

We will. Then why are you getting hot dogs?

Pass this down, please. You can keep the change.

Do you want one of the hot dogs?

GARY: You can have a hot... You want a hot dog?

Do you want a hot dog, miss?

No. Thank you. You can have one.

That's okay. Go ahead. You can have a hot dog.

No, I don't want one. Excuse me, sir?

Would you mind passing the lady one of the hot dogs?

I'm good, thanks. You don't have to share.

You can have your own. Thanks. That's really nice of you.

Just have one, please. Okay, give me a hot dog.

Somebody give her a hot dog. I got... The big guy can't eat all of them. Have one.

Have you ever had one before? A hot dog?

At the ballpark? I have. I believe I have.

Okay, good. Thank you.

Well, enjoy this one. Thanks.

Do you like mustard? No, I'm okay.

It's much better with a topping. Here.

I'm just kidding, I'll give you two.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Cheers! Thanks.

We'll share it.

It's a good dog. I like the hot dog. I know.

That's nice.

You have a problem with me eating a hot dog, guy?

I'm trying to watch the game and have a hot dog.

I'll smack him in his head. No, just leave him alone.

Hey, you want to go get a drink? No.

I'm with somebody, sorry.

Who? The guy with the tucked-in shirt and the visor?

What, is that like a brother? The guy was not your brother, then.

Who is this guy? He's not my brother.

Who's this... I'm getting mad now. I'm jealous. Who is this guy?

Who are you? I don't know. I'm kidding with you.

Who's the guy with the tucked-in stuff? Is that a boyfriend?

Uh, it's...

I'm going. Do you think you'll marry him?

What? 'Cause I know you've thought about it.

The first time you laid eyes on him, you probably thought,

"I wonder if I could marry this guy in plaid shorts who tucks his shirt in. No way."

Then when you kissed him, you said, "I can't believe it.

"I had a lot to drink tonight. I'm kissing the tucked-in guy."

My point is, if you're not gonna marry him... Yeah.

...and if it's not forever,

then you really don't have anything to lose in taking me up on my offer.

Uh-huh. Well, I'm gonna go. Okay. Me, too.

Okay. To where? On an ice-breaking first date?

Well, no, I don't think... Listen.

If you want to stay off the market while you're with

I'm-not-the-one- but-I'm-comfortable, then you can do that.

But for all you know, I just offered you

a get-out-of-bored-Iove- for-free card with no strings attached.

God, you're crazy. No, I'm not crazy.

And a lot of times people go, "Oh, that's crazy,"

and then they go, "It's genius."

That's what happened when the person invented fire.

They burned that witch. And guess what, then they got warm and they ate good stuff.

Now, where are we headed to? Let's not make this weird,

'cause I'm not good on dates. No. You know what?

I'm better just to kind of hang out and, if we don't have fun,

I might go my separate way. Okay.

I'm not committing to anything. I'll go hang out with you for a little bit.

That's not gonna happen. But I can't say for sure.

(YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND PLAYING)

GARY: All right, all right, everybody. Welcome to Three Brothers Bus Tours.

I'm brother number two. It's good to have you here.

That's right, there's plenty of seats here up front.

I promise I won't bite. I'm not a biter. I'm psyched to have you here.

Okay, a couple quick ground rules. Please don't jump off the bus.

Weird. Not fun for anybody.

Also, no throwing objects at pedestrians,

unless, of course, they deserve it. Okay?

We are not at work today. We are on vacation today.

And if you can't blow it out here on the big funny bus,

where the hell can you?

I do split the tips with my driver, Shondra.

We don't want her back out turning tricks.

That was a weird time for everyone. Seriously. Honest to God.

And I was a customer. Long time ago.

Come on, everybody, let's get loose!

I'm gonna ask you once. Show me that you mean it.

Don't make me ask you twice. Are you ready to see Chicago?

Are you ready to see Chicago?

That's what I'm talking about. Shondra, put this baby in the air.

Let's get the blood flowing. Let's get everyone up and let's loosen it up.

Coming up here, you're gonna notice

one of the only buildings to survive the fire of 1871.

That is the original Chicago Water Tower and Pumping Station.

(PHONE RINGING)

CHRISTOPHER: Happy Holidays. Marilyn Dean Gallery.

The artist was inspired by the neoclassical movement.

CHRISTOPHER: No, she doesn't.

But wanted to reflect it with an abstract bent.

CHRISTOPHER: Okay, bye-bye.

And how much is it? $35,000.

Happy Holidays. Marilyn Dean Gallery. Hold, please.

Will you excuse me for a moment? Sure. Go ahead.

Christopher? Yes, sweetie.

Hi, honey. Hi.

Christmas was months ago. Don't remind me. I miss it so much.

Yeah, I know. But today is not a holiday.

I know for a fact that people like my spirit on the phone

and they dig the energy that I give them.

Okay. I'm just saying, I don't think Marilyn Dean will "dig" the energy.

Oh, no. She's the one that told me to be creative. So...

I know. It's just... Okay. What is the next holiday coming?

The Fourth of July, is that what's next?

Well, if you want to get technical, there's Memorial Day,

there's Flag Day.

Some people recognize Father's Day as a holiday. I don't.

I get it. I get it. Well, on those days you can say, "Happy Holidays."

Every other day, "Good morning, good afternoon,

"good evening, Marilyn Dean Gallery." Okay?

Okay.

I'm so sorry about that. Oh, no.

So, now this is a new piece by Zakrzewska.

What do you think of this?

Can I be honest with you? Please.

Other than taking an art history class in college,

which I pretty much slept through, I don't have the first clue about art

or how to go about buying it. I mean, like that painting.

I mean, I don't see the point in buying something that I could have done myself.

Yeah. I completely agree with you.

You know, an art teacher of mine once said,

"Never buy a piece of art that you don't have to have."

You know, don't worry about who the artist is or how much it's worth.

I mean, you have to live with it every day. You have to walk by it every day.

You know, you have to really love it. You have to really appreciate it.

It's kind of like picking a mate.

(EXCLAIMING)

GARY: Hey, honey! Hi.

How's it going? BROOKE: It's good.

Oh, wow. You got a lot happening. I know.

Very exciting. I am starving.

Oh, careful. That's really... That's very hot. Oh, that's hot, hot, hot.

Yep. Jesus.

Hey, honey, you've got to really... You should get ready, okay?

Oh, you look great. Thank you.

Got a lot of nice stuff. Got a pizza.

All kinds of stuff. Terrific.

I just need you to decide what to... You know, I did everything.

(TV CLICKS)

(COMMENTATOR CHATTERING)

Gary? Yeah?

Oh, come on! Really? You got three lemons.

What my baby wants, my baby gets. You know that.

Yeah, but I wanted 12. Baby wanted 12.

Why would you want 12 lemons?

Because I'm making a 12-lemon centerpiece.

So, no one's actually even eating them? They're just show lemons?

Yeah. They're just show lemons. Shown in the center of the table.

I'm glad you find that amusing,

but I cannot fill a vase with only three lemons.

Well, can't you just use, like, maybe a drinking glass?

I'm not gonna use a drinking...

We could have a smaller version of a centerpiece.

I'm not gonna use a drinking glass for our centerpiece.

You know what? I've got an idea.

Why don't we go ahead and scratch the centerpiece idea altogether,

because the chicken that burnt my mouth

could maybe use a little bit of lemon on top of it.

Guess what? Now we've made a better meal versus something visually nice to look at.

What are you do... What's happening here? What are you doing?

What are you doing? (STAMMERING) Oh, I had such a long day on the bus.

I need a little bit of down time. My feet are killing me.

Gary, come on, my feet are killing me, too. I'm exhausted.

I worked all day. Went to the market.

I cleaned this entire condo and then I've been cooking for the last three hours.

Come on. Help set the table.

GARY: Sweetheart. What?

You've done such a great job already. Don't you want to finish it yourself

and have that personal power of that accomplishment?

Set the table. Listen to me.

Do you think that when Michelangelo, right,

was painting the Sixteenth Chapel, that he said,

"Hey, guys, you know, I did pretty good on the first 15 chapels,

"but why don't you help me design this one?

"And maybe you could help me... Give me a brush

"and you guys can grab brushes, and we can all make a great chapel." Uh-uh.

No, he didn't. And you wanna know what the results were?

A masterpiece.

Okay. It's the Sistine Chapel, not the Sixteenth,

and I bet when Michelangelo asked for 12 brushes, they didn't bring him three.

Yeah. Okay, all the talking is really starting to drain me,

and now I'm gonna have to watch the highlights later to see what I missed here.

Honey, look, Gary, just... Down time's important.

Gary, please just take a shower, okay? Down time's important.

'Cause this is what I don't want to have happen.

I don't want the doorbell to ring. I'm then forced to answer the door,

entertain people, and I'm still cooking dinner.

Yeah. Okay?

You're absolutely right. Let's do that. The second that this inning's over...

Gary. There's one out all ready.

They're gonna be here in 20 minutes.

Baby, have you ever seen a shower of mine take more than four minutes?

Yes, I have. Come on.

(DOORBELL RINGING) Oh, great!

They're here. Okay. Table's not set. Dinner's not ready.

Would you please just let my parents in?

I gotta jump in the shower. What?

(DOORBELL RINGING) I gotta go.

Gary. Gary.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

GARY: Well, seeing how our families haven't had many opportunities

to get to know one another, we figured, what better way than to break some bread?

So, everyone, thank you for coming and enjoy the meal.

ALL: Cheers. Cheers, honey.

Mrs. Grobowski. Nice to meet you. Thank you.

DENNIS: Cheer with the sons. GARY: Sweetheart, cheers to you.

Darling, I see that you put those Feng Shui books

that I sent to you to good use.

This place is so well balanced. Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, the energy in this place is just amazing.

WENDY: Yes.

Well, the energy in the condo might be a little more amazing

if we had a pool table.

Gary, we've already discussed that.

We're gonna get a pool table when we get a bigger place.

The place is plenty big now, if you wanted a pool table because...

Gary. Yeah. You could take the dining room table,

go ahead and move her in the living room.

BROOKE: Really? GARY: Plenty of room.

And put a dining room table in the living room? Okay.

How do you... I mean, what do you do with a dining room table?

Eat on it. We'd have no furniture in the living...

Where's the furniture go? All I'm saying is,

it would be nice to be able to shoot some pool.

Well, this isn't a dorm. Look, baby, I completely understand.

There's halls and stuff. I mean, you can go...

We will wait and get a pool table when we have a bigger place.

Thank you.

The food is outstanding. It is delicious food.

DENNIS: It's outstanding.

LUPUS: Yeah, it really is nice. Okay, everybody.

Time for the joke of the day. Knock, knock. Dad. Dad, come on.

Who's there? Norma Lee.

Norma Lee, who?

Normally, I don't go around knocking on doors,

but would you like to buy an encyclopedia? LUPUS: I got a joke. I got a joke.

(ALL CHUCKLING) How's it going? I got a joke for you.

What do you get when you cross a gay Eskimo and a black guy?

All right, look, I think we've had enough with the jokes for tonight.

Thank you, though. Let's just talk with each other.

All right.

I saw that Three Brothers article in the Trib this week.

Sounds like you guys are up to some pretty exciting stuff.

Basically, our big goal is to try to take Chicago tourism by air, land and sea.

We're still in the ground phase with the buses.

But as soon as we get our infantry established,

then we'll take it to the squids. Yeah.

Boats. Boats. Oh, boats.

As soon as we control the waterway, then we'll bring in air supports

and then we'll pretty much control everything.

You know, Dennis,

the way your face lights up when you describe your ambitions,

it's really inspiring.

Oh, thanks. Because I understand

how you feel that passion.

RICHARD: And sharing it with other people, I think that's what life's about.

I don't feel that about boats and squibs... Squids?

ALL: Squids. Sorry.

CAROL: Yeah. But I do feel it about singing.

With my a cappella group, The Tone Rangers.

Although it's not as aggressive as your dream,

it's really more of a brotherhood. It's like a musical team.

It's like a symphony of guys. Guy symphony.

And it's very hard to describe the true magic

of a group of guys singing in perfect harmony.

It's transcendent.

But it's still very real.

I guess the best way to put it in words is just...

(SINGING SINGLE NOTE)

Even that doesn't do it.

That doesn't do it because that's just one person.

And what I'm talking about is the pulse of the collective.

Oh, heck. Let me just show you how it's done.

Dad, how about a little percussion?

RICHARD: Tap-tap-tappy. Tap-tap-tappy.

And, Mom, high-hat.

(HISSING)

RICHARD: Good, Mom. Excellent. And Gary!

(RHYTHMICALLY) On the kick drum! Come, come! On the kick drum! Come, come!

That's Gary! Come, come with the kick drum. Come!

Come, come with the kick drum. Gary, on the kick drum. Come, come.

That's Gary on the kick drum. Go! And Gary. In the house.

Come, come. I'm not with you.

Come, come. With the kick drum. Come, come.

I'm just not really the kick drum kind of guy.

I'd rather be just a listener and enjoy all the banging that he's doing and the...

You know, Gary, that's your prerogative. That's your right, to listen.

Meantime, I've gotta talk to Brooke about something.

It's called the bass line. Excuse me. Okay.

(PITCH PIPE PLAYING)

(HUMMING RHYTHMICALLY)

(SCATTING)

(HISSING)

Good, Carol.

Good, Brooke.

(ALL SINGING)

RICHARD: Yes, Dennis.

(WHISPERING) Be nice. RICHARD: Totally awesome.

(MIMICKING METALLIC CLANGING)

Move yourself

You always live your life

Never thinking of the future

Prove yourself

You are the move you make

Take your chances win or loser

See yourself

You're every step you take

You and you and that's the only way

Shake WENDY: Shake!

Shake yourself

You're every move you make

So the story goes

CAROL: Thank you so much.

BROOKE: Okay, bye. WENDY: Thank you so much.

CAROL: It was great to see you. Okay. Come on.

Have a good night. It was really nice, Gary.

Nice to see you. You, too. Good to see you guys.

Thanks, Brookie. Oh, honey. Thank you, sweetie.

You're still my favorite singer. Stop it.

Love you, sis. And I'd love for you to come to a live performance

of The Tone Rangers singing live. That's something you'd really enjoy.

It was good seeing you. Okay.

Thank you. All right.

Bye, darling. Thank you for such a... Okay. Okay, Mom.

We'll see you soon. Bye, dear. Thanks, darling.

See you later. Okay, buddy.

Oh, now, are you sure that we can't help you clean up?

No, no. I think we're gonna be great. We'II... Yes?

So nice of you to offer, but we got it. Thank you.

Oh, it was such fun. Great.

I love you. Great to see you.

Good night, sweetie. Thank you so much.

I appreciate it. Thank you so much.

All right, guys. WENDY: Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Thanks for coming.

Love you, too.

MAN ON TV: Are you blind?

(HORN TOOTING)

Oh, no, no! My demos!

(MAN ON TV SCREAMING)

Well, I'm gonna go do the dishes. Cool.

It'd be nice if you helped me. Damn it.

MAN: Way to go!

No problem. I'll get them a little bit later.

I'm just gonna hit the streets here for a little bit.

Gary, come on, I don't want to do them later.

Let's just do them now. It'll take 15 minutes.

Honey, I am so exhausted. I just honestly want to relax for a little bit.

If I could just sit here, let my food digest,

and just try to enjoy the quiet for a little bit.

Get some! Get some! Get some! That's what happens.

And we will... You know, we can clean the dishes tomorrow.

Gary, you know I don't like waking up to a dirty kitchen.

Who cares? I care! All right? I care!

I busted my ass all day cleaning this house and then cooking that meal.

And I worked today. It would be nice if you said thank you

and helped me with the dishes.

Fine. I'll help you do the damn dishes. Oh, come on. You know what?

No. See? That's not what I want.

You just said that you want me to help you do the dishes.

I want you to want to do the dishes. Why would I want to do dishes?

Why? See, that's my whole point.

Let me see if I'm following this, okay? Are you telling me that you're upset

because I don't have a strong desire to clean dishes?

No. I'm upset because you don't have a strong desire to offer to do the dishes.

I just did. After I asked you!

Jesus, Brooke, you're acting crazy again. Don't you call me crazy. I am not crazy.

I didn't call you crazy. You just did.

I didn't call you... No, I didn't.

I said you're acting crazy. You know what, Gary?

I asked you to do one thing today, one very simple thing,

to bring me 12 lemons and you brought me three.

God damn it. If I knew that it was gonna be this much trouble,

I would have brought home 24 lemons. Even 100 lemons.

You know what I wish? I wish everyone that was at that goddamn table

had their own little private bag of lemons.

Honest to God! Gary, it's not about the lemons.

Well, that's all you're talking about.

I'm just saying it'd be nice if you did things that I asked.

It would be even nicer if you did things without me having to ask you!

Well, I do seem to remember doing something for you this morning

without you asking.

Gary, come on. What? I'm serious. Come here.

You know what? I'm serious. I really am. I am, too.

Come on. You knew I was working today and I made that meal.

And you could have thought to yourself, you know, you could have said,

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna get Brooke some flowers."

You said on our very first date that you don't like flowers,

that they're a waste of money.

Every girl likes flowers, Gary.

You said that you don't like flowers.

I'm supposed to take that to mean that you do like flowers?

No. This is not about... You're not... God, you're not getting it.

You're not getting this, Gary, okay? It's not about the lemons.

It's not about the flowers. It's not about the dishes.

It's just about... How many times do I have to drop hints about the ballet?

You know I can't stand... Brooke, come here.

We've talked about the damn ballet. I hate the goddamn ballet!

You got a bunch of dudes in tights flopping around for three hours.

It's like a medieval techno show. It's a nightmare.

I sit there in a sweat. The whole thing, I do,

wondering when the hell's the goddamn nightmare gonna end.

Go to a damn ballet. It's not about you loving the ballet, Gary.

It's about the person that you love loves the ballet

and you wanting to spend time with that person.

Not when they're at the ballet.

Okay. Forget the ballet! Forget the ballet! I will.

We don't go anywhere together.

We just went to Ann Arbor together. To Ann Arbor.

To the Michigan-Notre Dame game.

You think screaming, drunk kids and leprechauns doing backflips, that's fun.

That's fun for me. Come on, man. I did that for you.

What do you... How do you show up for me?

I'm up on the bus every goddamn day for you!

Come on. You... I'm busting my ass

to be the best tour guide in the damn city,

so I can make enough money to support both of us

and hopefully you won't have to work one day.

I want to work. All I ask, Brooke,

is that you show a little bit of appreciation.

That I just get 20 minutes to relax when I come home,

instead of being attacked with questions and nagged the whole damn time.

You think that I nag you? That's all you do!

All you do is nag me!

"The bathroom's a mess." "Your belt doesn't match."

"Hey, Gary, you should probably go work out."

Nothing I ever do is ever good enough!

I just want to be left the hell alone!

Really? Is that what you want, Gary?

Is that what you want? Yeah.

That's what you want? Yeah.

Fine. Great. Do whatever the hell you want.

You leave your socks all over this house, dress like a pig,

play your stupid-ass video game. I don't care, I'm done.

What? I'm done! I don't deserve this.

I really do not deserve this. I deserve somebody who gives a shit.

I'm not spending one more second of this life with some inconsiderate prick!

You're a prick!

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(DOOR SHUTS)

Addie, it just became so clear tonight

how much he takes me for granted.

What happened? BROOKE: Just the same old shit.

I asked him to do one thing and he didn't do it.

Then he complained that he had to do anything,

and I just felt like I had no choice.

No, sweetie, you did have a choice, okay?

And it sounds like you made the right one. You respected yourself.

But it's just not what I want. I don't want to break up with him.

I don't. I just want him to say thank you. I want him to want to do the dishes.

I just want him to want to take me to the ballet.

I want him to get me 12 lemons! You know...

I just want him to care enough about this relationship to want to work on it.

Okay, you know what? I'm putting on my shoes

and I'm gonna be there in 15 minutes. No, Ad. Don't.

Please, I really don't want to see anybody. I really don't.

But, look, I'm worried about you, okay?

And I can hear you in there banging around your dishes.

And I don't want you getting out your Clorox and your rubber gloves,

and taking this out on the kitchen. Look, look, look.

Okay. Tonight just... It just got a little out of hand,

and hopefully he's just gonna realize

that he's got some changes to make and he's gonna...

He's gonna come home and apologize.

Okay? That's what's gonna happen.

GARY: I feel like, I don't... You know, like, you dress however you want to dress.

You know, do whatever you want to do.

I'm done with the relationship. Whatever.

So, it's just kind of, "You're done with the relationship?"

Well, you're obviously hurt about it.

She got to you. You're hurt. I'm not.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. She hurt you.

Will you look at me? I'm not heartbroken.

I'm a little shocked. I'm a little surprised.

Gary, you're devastated. Now, what's the name of the guy she's doing?

I'm gonna solve your problem. What's his name?

What are you talking about? Have you checked her e-mail?

I don't check e-mails. I don't...

You can get a program that records keystrokes.

It costs, like, 20 bucks. Very easy to use. Okay?

You get a password, you check her e-mail. You find out everything about her.

That's how I found out about the Puerto Rican

that Stacy was running around with. Okay.

You are reading a little too much into this situation.

There is no one she's running around with, okay?

We had a fight over the groceries I brought home.

You're probably right. She's probably not sleeping with anybody.

No. Not what it's about. Okay.

Maybe she's with another guy, maybe not. She's not.

I don't know. I'm not Columbo. Okay?

But what we do know is that she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

I mean, I hate to be shitty about it, and so cut and dry, but let's face it.

She says she doesn't want to be with you, and I believe her.

Now, we gotta figure it out. And you're gonna need a place to go

and lick your wounds while you get your head right over this thing.

I don't need a place to go and lick my wounds.

You're gonna stay with me.

I'm not gonna hear it. Look it...

I'm not moving out of the place. Oh, you're not moving out.

No. I put money in the place. I put half my money in the place.

You're obviously not the one calling the shots in this case.

Yeah, but I own the place.

With her. Yeah.

But it's not up to her who gets to keep the goddamn place.

If you find out who she's sleeping with, maybe we could leverage it.

I want you to listen to me. You listen to me.

I'm gonna leave you a key. I don't need a key.

Why? 'Cause she's gonna put...

She's gonna move out of the place, Johnny.

Did she say she was moving out? She will. She's gonna move out.

Oh, she's... I'm gonna keep the place.

I'm not moving out of the place.

I'll leave you a key.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR SHUTTING)

(TOOL WHIRRING)

Hey, how's it going? LUPUS: I almost got it.

Yeah. You know, I was thinking.

You know what you should do,

is you should find somebody who looks like Brooke,

but even hotter and, you know, bang the shit out of her.

What the hell's wrong with you? What?

Logs. Just fix the damn engine.

I am fixing the goddamn engine. I need your tour logs.

I'm off the clock, okay?

Well, I cannot file the quarterlies until I have your log.

I'm going through a little bit of a life change here, Dennis.

I would really appreciate a little bit of sensitivity, please.

CHRISTOPHER: I know they're both French, but that has nothing to do with it.

Because Manet was earlier and... No. Monet and Manet are very different things.

I'm sorry, I beg to differ.

Excuse me, sir, can I have her call you back personally?

Yes. Okay, thank you. Sorry. Brooke?

I am so sorry. What?

Come here.

Oh, honey, your mom called and told me everything.

Oh, Jesus.

Good morning, Marilyn.

Morning. I'll go water the plants.

I understand you had a long night. Tell me everything.

BROOKE: "Everything." I couldn't possibly...

Then don't. My time is pressing.

What I want is for you to take the rest of the day off.

Oh, no. No, that's not necessary.

Who am I?

Marilyn Dean. And where are we?

The Marilyn Dean Gallery. And of whom is that portrait?

That is Marilyn Dean. Yeah.

You know, your personal life is your personal life.

But you look like shit. And when you look like shit,

Marilyn Dean looks like shit, and now it is my business.

And when it comes to my business, I don't like anything that's distracting.

So, I want you to take the rest of the day off to be sad

and then come back to work tomorrow ready to take care of business.

Got it?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(ROCK MUSIC BLARING)

(POOL BALLS CLACKING)

Oh, hey, Brooke. How are you?

What the hell are you doing?

Well, my whole life, I always wanted my own place with my own pool table.

I finally got my own place,

but you would not allow me to have a pool table.

I just kind of figured I'd rectify that today. And it does feel good.

I'm gonna go ahead and put the four ball in the corner pocket.

Nice.

I'm sorry, can I... A little room for the shooter, please?

It's hard to shoot with someone standing... Thank you.

(POOL BALLS CLACKING)

Wow.

Well, I guess he feels threatened that you broke up with him and he's acting out.

Okay, look, Brooke, men are like children. You know? And they...

(WHISPERING) Sweetie, it's a figure of speech. It's Brooke. And I love you so much.

And you're my man and you know that. You're amazing. I love you.

Listen, and they're gonna test boundaries to see what they can get away with.

I think there's three things that Gary needs to know.

One, this type of behavior is not unnoticed. Two, it's not acceptable.

And three, you know, you're definitely not gonna tolerate it. Right?

Yes.

And Brooke, remember, we're always owning our actions, right?

And we're always healthy with it, yes?

Yes.

I don't wanna finish the game. I got showings, okay?

I gotta buy the cookie spray. I gotta clean up the dog.

(YOU OUGHTA KNOW PLAYING)

And now I'm really leaving 'cause I don't want to hear that. Okay?

Thank you for the pool. Thank you for the snacks.

I'm going to get a cab. I'll split it with you.

What are you, 12? Brooke, that is not healthy.

I'm trying to make a point. And what is that point?

My point's your point. Your three points.

That it's not unnoticed, that it was not acceptable,

and that it would definitely not be tolerated.

Not exactly what I meant.

Unbelievable.

I knew it! Hey, gang.

Found my shirt on the floor. Thanks for laying it out.

Gary, are you here for couples bowling? Yeah.

Well, don't you think you and I should discuss something first?

Like what? How your 47 average is killing us?

Okay. Great. No.

Gary, this is couples bowling. And since you and I are no longer a couple,

because you have chosen

not to participate constructively in our relationship,

we're now singles.

So, there's not room for two singles on the team.

Why do you look confused?

I don't have any idea what's happening. I've come to play on the team.

Look, Gary, I just don't think it's a good idea

for you and I to be around each other any more than we have to right now.

I completely agree. Maybe you should go play some pinball.

No, I think you should leave. Okay.

Brooke, when a man makes a commitment to a team, he honors that commitment.

He doesn't let emotions or personal issues get in the way of victory.

And I've made a commitment to this team.

They don't want you here either, Gary. Yeah. Sure, they don't.

They don't. They're my friends.

But you're not a strong bowler. That's not the point.

You know what? Let's just... Why don't we let them decide?

Gary, don't. No. Don't involve them, okay? That's unnecessary.

What's wrong, Castro? Castro?

Well, Castro doesn't let people vote as a team.

Okay. Ask them. Thank you.

Okay, everyone. Team vote here.

By a show of hands, just put it up when you make a decision,

who here agrees with Brooke and thinks I should leave the bowling team?

Shocker.

Band of Brothers. You should rent it sometime.

Good luck, everyone. Riding Miss Gutter Ball to the finals.

Hey, Gary. Yeah.

I'm gonna need your shirt back. What?

Well, we're gonna have to replace you, and you know we get docked 10 pins

if everyone's not in matching Pin Shakers uniforms.

My shirt says "Gary" on it. Granted.

But actually, we know a guy named Gary.

And he's not as tall as you, but he's a pretty good bowler.

I'm gonna have to request that I have my wrist guard back then.

I'm sorry. That's mine.

Just give me the goddamn wrist guard, please. Thank you.

I hope your wrist snaps.

Wow. Okay? You see that? You know what I mean?

Yeah. That was awesome.

You just had your ex-boyfriend, who you wish you were still dating,

voted off the bowling team.

Well, I had to do that to get him right where I want him.

Where's that? Shirtless in the parking lot?

Addie, you're not getting this.

Gary loves this bowling team. He's hurt right now.

He's feeling pretty bad.

He's gonna go out there and he's gonna get drunk.

He's gonna make a complete fool of himself.

And he will be sitting there feeling pretty Ionely

and pretty pathetic, and then it's just gonna hit him.

What's gonna hit him?

That not only is he out a girlfriend,

but his life is just falling apart piece by piece

and maybe that life was pretty great.

And maybe I was the glue that was holding it all together.

And if he wants that life back,

he's gonna have no choice but to change.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

How about this, huh? I feel like we just found hell.

When did you start coming to knobby joints like this?

I might be the greatest you've ever seen, pal.

I'm conquering new frontiers. Hello, babe.

Yeah, you've got to put up with the bad music and the $15 drinks,

but this place is stacked with top-shelf, young, dumb ass.

All you gotta do is just separate the weaker ones from the herd.

Come on, I'll get you into the VIP.

Can I get a couple drinks from you? Okay, L.G.

Lupus, I got to be totally... I got to be honest with you.

I'm not feeling it here.

You're gonna like it in here. You're gonna love it.

I don't like it out here. Look, listen to me, will you, please?

How you doing, Buzz?

While you were on the inside locked up for the past two years,

the game has changed.

(WOMEN CHEERING)

Do you remember when you were an outdoor cat

and you used to have to hunt and kill for your food?

Well, you've become an indoor cat.

You've been getting your milk brought to you

in a silver bowl, and guess what?

Now, you've been tossed back outside

and the alley has changed. For example, your MTV generation,

your technology, your text message, your TiVo. You name it.

People want their information faster.

People e-mail each other because they want to exchange information, Gar.

They don't want to connect, they want results.

Okay. You gotta get to the message quicker.

Now, I want you to watch. It's real simple. Okay?

How you doing, ladies?

Now, here's what I'd like to do to you.

First, I'd like to get you naked.

And then I'm gonna take some Saran Wrap

and I'm gonna wrap you up in it, head to toe.

Then I'm gonna cut out two holes.

One for your mouth, so you can breathe, obviously.

And the other one... Asshole.

It could be a gorgeous evening for us, babe.

The pink is gorgeous. Jesus, God.

Come here. Lupus, listen to me. I want you to listen to me.

There are our drinks. You want your drink?

No, I'm fine. Thank you. The L.G. thanks you.

Will you listen to me, please? You're my brother and I love you very much,

and maybe you do get laid tonight, but maybe you get arrested.

Arrested for what, babe? Being awesome?

Come on, babe, listen. You want to tell your jokes, tell your jokes.

But sooner or later you're gonna get hungry and you're gonna wanna eat.

And jokes might make you feel better, but they don't get you fed.

I'm gonna go take a lap.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR SHUTTING)

What are you doing? I'm sketching.

And where are you sketching?

In the living room. No, in my bedroom.

And I didn't say anything to you, Brooke,

when you so arrogantly claimed the bed without asking me,

but you can't just waltz into my room and turn it into a damn art fair.

Gary, I've only taken up a little bit of space, so...

I don't care if you only took an inch.

There might not be a door here, but this is my domain. Okay?

I don't go into your bedroom and set up a goddamn sawhorse.

Well, then what the hell is that pool table doing in the dining room?

Because that's a common area. And that's where this belongs.

Not in my room. Hey, what are you doing?

It belongs in another common area. Gary.

People want to come home and they want to relax in their room.

Gary, it is 2:00 in the morning!

Don't you drop my things. I don't know what to tell you, kid.

This is how I am when I'm single.

My hours start to get pretty strange.

Might be time for you to think about moving out.

Why would I... No, I'm not moving anywhere.

Gary, just please turn the volume down.

Yeah, but I don't tell you what the hell to do in your room.

You can doodle. You can dance.

You can bake a goddamn gingerbread house.

I don't give a shit.

But in my room, I want to relax and watch my highlights

in complete surround-sound experience.

What the hell are you doing? You're not even gonna watch it!

Don't tell me what I am or aren't not doing.

Oh, what you are not, not doing?

Go learn some English. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't have a grandfather on the board of some fancy college.

Key word being "was." Did he touch the Filipino exchange student?

Did he not touch the exchange student?

I don't know, Brooke. I wasn't there. Okay.

No, don't start with the family stuff.

Like your family's so perfect? Your brother's a pervert!

Don't talk to me about the sexual habits of family members.

What about your sister?

My sister's been through a lot. Of dick.

There are some problems, Gary, but can we please just leave it...

Problems? She slept with the entire Arizona Cardinals offensive line.

That's not problems. That's she's the problem!

She was on vacation! She was on vacation.

Don't even get me started, by the way, on your brother.

If I have to hear that guy sing just one more time,

I'd hang myself with wax dental floss.

Could the guy just come out of the closet, please?

Richard is not gay.

Okay, lassie, I want you to listen to me and listen good.

I'm not saying he won't get married.

I'm not saying he won't even have kids.

But then one day his wife will come home,

and then she'll find him with a guy named Majulio,

wearing leather helmets and clubbing each other to Yanni's greatest hits.

Yeah. Right. Whatever. You're an infant.

Yeah, I'm an infant.

Go enjoy your room, Brooke, 'cause I'm gonna enjoy mine!

Okay. You know what?

I might enjoy some pay-per-view options tonight.

It's gonna be a long one, sweetheart,

and I got nothing to do ma�ana but sleep in.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(BOOGIE NIGHTS PLAYING)

(SINGING) Boogie nights Ain't no doubt we are here to party

What are you doing?

Boogie nights Come on now, got to get it started

Ricky, you and the Get Along Gang leave

or I'm gonna throw you out of here personally, you understand?

Actually, Gary, this is Brooke's bedroom.

So, technically, you don't have jurisdiction here,

but I think it'd be really fun if you sang with us.

Come on, Gary. I think you'll like it.

You got 10 seconds to get out of here

or I'm gonna break your damn magic whistle.

You understand what I'm saying to you?

Move this group out of my house, now!

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTING)

(ALL SINGING)

Gary, you can't take a pitch pipe out of a guy's hand

when he's in the middle of a very funky groove.

You can get hurt doing something like that.

I'm tapping out, I'm tapping out!

Here we go. From the bridge.

(SINGING) Party night Get on down with the sound of the music

Boogie nights Do it, do it

What kind of bullshit move was that?

I'm sorry. What? What happened? Oh, don't be coy with me.

You sent that animal over here to attack me when I was hung over and weak.

Oh, no. Look, all I know is The Tone Rangers,

they needed someplace to rehearse,

so I very clearly told Richard, "Stay in my room,"

which you explained to me was my space to do with what I want.

Is that how you want to play it? 'Cause I'll play it like that.

I'll play it like Lionel Richie.

All night long, lady. Oh, yeah.

I'll call some guys from my neck of the woods.

And we're not talking, Brooke,

about a couple of queens who know a few grapples.

We're talking about Polacks that don't have a goddamn future.

Right. That's right!

We can make shit real uncomfortable around here,

and that's what we're gonna do.

Please. Come on. You know what?

You're just embarrassed because Richard kicked your ass.

Richard did not kick my ass.

What Richard did was attack me when I was half asleep.

Really? Is that how you see it?

There's a really big gap between getting your ass kicked

and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery

and then strike your throat before you know that you're even in a fight.

And I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand that,

because all you ever do is make moves from up in your ivy tower.

Wow. You have officially gone off the reservation.

I'm an adult. I talk through shit. He ran out of ideas.

God. Listen, by the way, there's messages on the voice mail

regarding game night, which is obviously not gonna happen,

so you might want to call people and tell them that it's canceled.

Why would I cancel game night? Well, I mean...

If it's our turn to host game, I'm gonna host goddamn game night.

You want to host game night? I'm fine, Brooke.

I don't have any strangeness over what happened here today.

Okay.

If there's anyone that should feel weird about seeing people,

that's you, Tonya Harding. Me? I'm gonna honor my commitments.

Great. Great.

Fine. Fine.

Let's do that. Let's do that.

Let's honor the commitment.

(WATER RUNNING)

Hey, there's no food in there! BROOKE: So?

Well, people are gonna be here in an hour. What are they supposed to eat?

You're a big boy. Figure it out.

Oh, great. Well, that's what we got.

We have only tap water because, you know, Gary didn't shop.

BROOKE: And we don't have any ice either 'cause he didn't fill the trays.

That's trash. It's your shot. What is your name again?

Diane. Diane.

GARY: Did you call? JOHNNY O: I called the five.

Well, yeah, but you didn't call the second ball,

so that's trash, so it's your shot.

GARY: You got to play by the rules. It's your shot.

Hi. Hi.

Andrew. BROOKE: Oh, hi.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

These two Benedict Arnolds aren't welcome in my condo.

Who sent an invite to them? I'm sorry.

These are very loyal friends and they are always welcome in my condo.

Oh, really? Why don't we take it to a vote and see who has the numbers this time?

GARY: All right. Show of hands here.

Who thinks that these two traitors should leave and not be a part of game night?

And maybe take their shirts off when they leave.

Raise your hand. I know I feel that way. Who else?

GARY: Come on, Johnny O, put your hand up, please.

Come on. Thank you. You, Miss? New girl.

Who's the girl? What's her name? What's her name?

The girl you're with. What's her name? Her name's Diane.

Oh, I'm sorry. You might want to go ahead and touch some sky.

Thank you. Come on, Riggleman, please? What are you doing?

No. We need the eight to count towards a running tally.

You know that. Come on.

Show her whose side that you're on. Put your hand in the air.

You know whose side I'm on. You know we need eight, though. Come on.

Put your hand down.

Please don't touch my Ruffles.

GARY: Put that one back. Those are my Ruffles.

Don't eat them, please. Thank you.

Oh, Gary. They're mine.

Come on. Here we go. All right.

RIGGLEMAN: Eyes front. Ready? Hold on. Get the timer going, please.

Ready? GARY: Now I gotta do it. Go.

ANDREW: Okay. It's a brick.

ADDIE: Square. Square. Box. Box.

Corner. Corner. A dot in the corner.

A house. Home plate!

JEN: Football! Baseball! Sports. A house. ADDIE: A triangle. It's algebra.

Okay, it's a house. ADDIE: It's a house.

JEN: It's a house. ANDREW: Two words.

JEN: Banana? ADDIE: Chimney, chimney, chimney!

A fruit. House. Fruit.

Oh, restaurant. Or...

ANDREW: No, chimney, chimney. ADDIE: Smoke...

JEN: Oh, a house call. House call!

(TIMER RINGING) Oh! House call!

Yeah, well, I thought it was a house call.

Like a hotel, then it hit me it was a house. ADDIE: Yeah!

You're terrific. Absolutely terrific.

All right, beat that.

Okay, guys, listen. The next one wins, okay?

So let's stay focused. Let's stay calm.

We can do this. High fives. Let's go. Come on. Let's go.

Let's get a mind-meld. Let's try and get a mind-meld, okay?

GARY: Here we go. Let's go. Mind-meld. I heard you!

Don't over-think it. Mind meld. ANDREW: Ready?

I heard you! Well, just keep it simple.

Shush.

Ready? Wait. Go! Here we go! We're mind-melding.

Draw faster. It doesn't have to be beautiful,

just has to be something we can get. Shoe, shoe...

Shoe! Shoe, shoe, shoe.

Shoeless Joe Jackson. Draw something different. No one's getting it.

Shoe. What, is that a smaller shoe? JOHNNY O: Baby shoe.

Smaller shoe. Baby shoes. JOHNNY O: Shoes.

Baby shoes. Smaller shoe. Gumshoe.

GARY: Smaller shoes. DIANE: Gumshoe? Gumshoe?

Running Olympics. JOHNNY O: Inside the shoe.

Inside a shoe. A bubble... JOHNNY O: Lining.

Stop pointing at the shoe. We're not... No one's guessing shoe.

Stop pointing at the shoe and draw something different.

(TIMER RINGING) Draw something different. You...

Goddamn it! No one's guessing shoe!

You drew a big shoe, then a small shoe, and no one got it.

You gotta draw something different. Everyone said "shoe" seven times.

It's a sock, asshole.

You call yourself an artist? Yes!

A three-year-old with a box of crayons could do a better job than this.

I'm sorry, I don't have the great talent of standing on top of a big red bus

and pointing out architecture that other great men have built!

I'm the one who should be sorry, Brooke.

I shouldn't sit here and pick on your art. No.

Because you got the nuts part down, Picasso.

GARY: All you have to do is cut off your frigging ear.

BROOKE: That's Van Gogh, you idiot!

And your insults are much more effective when they're accurate.

Don't talk to me about being goddamn accurate!

I can talk to you about anything that I want.

'Cause you couldn't even draw a sock.

You don't do anything right! You're a lazy...

Everyone said, "Shoe, shoe, shoe!"

At first, I figured that the split was just something temporary,

something that you two would work out and get past,

but after tonight I think it's pretty clear

that you two genuinely do not want to get back together.

There's not a shot in hell. Gary.

I'm just... I got you.

As your friend and as your realtor,

I'm not gonna leave here tonight

until we decide what to do about this condo,

because this living situation is obviously not working out.

Gary?

Well, the only logical thing that I can think of

is for her to move out of the condo,

and then to pay me some sort of a penalty as compensation for

the labor that I did all around the condo. What? What?

What? Pay you compensation for your labor?

We fixed this place up together. Are you nuts?

Stop calling me nuts, I swear to God. I fixed the...

You went around with a sponge,

and you went in the bathroom and you dotted foofy shit.

That's what you're saying that I did? GARY: There's no...

BROOKE: That was... That's called aesthetics.

It warmed this place up so it didn't look like

an army barracks, which it was about to.

I'll tell you what it's called in his language, depreciated.

That's what it's called. You don't even know what that means.

Unless the next buyer happens to have your same Zulu-voodoo-land taste.

All right. Let me tell you something else.

It's gonna cost money to cover up the holes in the wall.

The holes that you drilled in the wall there to hang up whatever that thing is called.

Oh, please. Gary.

GARY: You're gonna have to cost money to fix that.

What I did, Brooke, has concrete value to the condo.

I added concrete... Well, let's just go on record.

We're dealing with facts here. I did the tiling in the bathroom.

Have you seen... I did the new track lighting.

That tile is the shittiest tile job. GARY: I did the plumbing!

The plumbing! That's realty terms.

Okay. Let's talk about your plumbing. This is his plumbing.

We have two temperatures in our bathroom.

We get either scalding hot or we get frostbite.

That's it. That's all we get. It's my problem

that she doesn't know how to pace a shower?

GARY: Now all of a sudden that's my fault.

I get a minute to take a shower.

One minute? BROOKE: One minute of warmth?

Oh, Jesus. One minute. That's it. That's correct.

Thank God you're not in charge of keeping all the clocks in Chicago on time.

This is basic logic. You are out of your mind. You have lost it.

Let me explain this to you in plain chapter and verse.

Cheese and rice, you guys are gonna kill each other. Now, let's just...

Realistically speaking, neither one of you

can afford this mortgage on your own, okay?

And that's a shame, because this building will continue to increase in value.

I get nothing but phone calls about it, all right?

Waiting for a unit to open up.

So, as your realtor, the last thing I would suggest is selling.

But as your friend, I just, I don't see any other solution.

You take your halves, you go your separate ways,

and you get on with your lives.

I know that selling is not the easiest thing, but I do think that it's the best.

And to be honest, this is a situation

where I would just as soon not take a commission.

That's great. Thank you. That's great. Thank you for that.

I wish I didn't have to, you know,

but company policy says I cannot waive that.

But I was just... You know, I'm saying in theory, you know.

In this situation, 'cause we're friends, I wish I could waive it.

No can do, though.

As soon as you can, I would love to get a set of keys from you guys.

You just drop them off. Okay. Great. There they are.

I'll be bringing by people all week.

You won't even know I'm here. The good news is, should move quickly.

All right.

Okay to leave you two alone now?

Got to get back to Jen. Very excited about the win tonight.

Okay.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

BROOKE: Addie, if the condo sells, I think I'm gonna lose him.

ADDIE ON PHONE: Yeah, but game night was so light and fun,

I'm really surprised to be hearing this.

Okay. You know what? That's not constructive. Really.

I just... Yeah, I need a new plan, Addie. I don't...

(SNICKERING)

I'm just kidding. It's me.

I'm gonna have to call you back.

Whenever one of my friends is down, we all go on, like, happy patrol.

I was actually having a very serious conversation.

(SINGING) Christopher, do not sing.

(SINGING) If you're happy and you know it Clap your hands

If you're happy and you know it Clap your hands

If you're happy and you know it You're going to smile to...

(DOOR SLAMS)

Pack up your shit and go home.

Okay. You know what? This is not his fault.

He was just really trying to cheer me up and it...

Did I or did I not give you the day off to be sad?

Yes. But I... Well, today's not that day,

and unfortunately for you, I can't afford to look weak.

No, please.

You have warned me so many times and you have yet to fire me.

I think you and I both know that to find and train somebody new,

it's gonna cost you time, and it's gonna cost you money,

and I don't think you want to spend either one of those.

Now, look, I'm just gonna take a wild guess here,

but you don't become Marilyn Dean

without knowing how to handle men.

Okay? Now, just listen to my problem,

tell me how to fix it, and then we'll all go back to work.

Okay. What is this problem so severe

that has caused you to blaspheme in the synagogue of Marilyn Dean?

Well, it's Gary. I broke up with him

in hopes that losing me would make him want to change,

and that's, you know...

And I've just ended up pushing him, you know, farther and farther away.

That's it? Yeah.

Honey, this is not surrealism or cubism, it's paint-by-numbers.

Go see Mischa, my personal waxer at the spa.

Ask her for the Telly Savalas.

The Telly Savalas.

Compliments of M. Dean.

Then go show Gary your immaculate canvas

and let him see another man eager to paint it. Got it?

Got it? Uh-huh.

Ow!

Who loves you, baby?

ANNOUNCER ON TV: Wow, impressive. Three sharp hands landed.

What an amazing display of punching technique.

The crowd jumps. That punch rocked him.

They sense he's on the verge of hitting the canvas.

The roaring for anticipation of a knockout.

We are witnessing a great fight.

He's displaying incredible rhythm with his hands.

Bulldog terrorizing his opponent. Down he goes!

Hard punch slams him to the canvas.

(WHO LOVES YA BABY PLAYING)

REFEREE: One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight,

(BELL CLANGING) nine, ten. It's over.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(STAMMERING)

Is... Did... Is Brooke here?

I don't know.

(VIDEO GAME PLAYING)

Brooke? BROOKE: I'll be right there.

(EXPLOSIONS ON TV)

MAN: Cool, baby, cool.

(SCREAMING)

So, how do you and Brooke know each other?

Well, how don't we know each other, you know what I mean?

BROOKE: Hi, Paul. Oh, hey. Wow, you look great.

Thank you.

BROOKE: Are you ready to go? Yeah. All set.

So, it was great meeting you. Apple martinis.

All right, come on. That normally does the trick.

Just ignore him. But just two. Three, she'll get sloppy.

You'll become a babysitter.

Oh, and fantasy role playing. She's got a real thing for lifeguards.

Put some zinc oxide on your nose and she'll lose her mind.

It'll all be over with.

(DOOR CLOSES)

MAN: Y'all want me to stop running?

I mean, the most challenging part of what I do

is between February and April 15th.

That's what we in the biz like to call crunch time.

That sounds fascinating.

Good evening. Hi.

Can I start you two off with something to drink?

Yeah, you know, we're gonna start with a couple of apple martinis, please.

No, you know what? I'm gonna... I'm just gonna start with a water.

Well, you can just bring those, just in case. What was I saying?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, you know, it's not like it's all work and no play.

You know, I mean, after April 15th, that's what we in the biz

like to call party time.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me.

Oh, I have to get this. I'm so sorry.

Hello.

ADDIE: Okay, is this when I'm supposed to call? What?

What do you mean? What? Where? What happened?

Okay, that's great. Wait. What? Oh, all right.

Listen, where... Just don't move. Where are you?

I'm sitting in my kitchen. Sitting? Okay.

(STAMMERING) Don't move.

Don't... I'm gonna be right there, honey. I'm gonna be right there, okay?

Is everything okay? Oh, my gosh.

That was my best friend.

She just had an accident and she... She has this knee thing

and she's just very fragile, and I have to go. What?

I can give you a ride. No. No. That's okay.

I'm gonna grab a cab, so... I'm so sorry.

I like your dress.

I think he's fascinating. He's obviously read a lot of books.

Yeah. Yeah, I bet he has.

He reads a lot of books because nobody wants to talk to him.

He's a friend of Andrew's who's always been polite.

It's the best I could do on such short notice, okay?

Well, you know what? Polite is not gonna do it.

We've got to find somebody who is really gonna make Gary jealous.

LUPUS: Can I just say something?

You sound a little jealous, Gary.

GARY: Why would I be jealous of some guy with computer skills?

Let's say he doesn't have computer skills, but he's got a big old elephant hog on him?

Would that bother you or would you be okay with that?

Not nearly as much as the way that your mind works.

LUPUS: My mind works great.

So, what's this bullshit I hear about you selling the condo?

Selling that condo is ludicrous.

I was waiting for when I was gonna get

the how-Gary-always- screws-his-life-up speech again.

This must be the right time. Look, you tell me,

you just tell me, tell me. Is it happening now? Yeah. Okay.

Tell me how losing that asset

is gonna get us on the river?

Go ahead, just tell me. Tell me. Somebody tell me. What is this?

What is this? What is it? What is it? Hey! Don't patronize me.

Helicopters. Helicopters. Exactly!

How does losing the asset give us helicopters?

Dennis, I'm being totally serious with you. I don't need this shit right now.

Hey, you want to cry, cry to Mom.

Nobody's crying. I'm not crying.

I just don't feel like hearing it. There's no feelings here.

This is about money and business. Fine, you broke up.

You broke up. Fine.

You know, sad.

Sad is, instead of putting $1,000 into your mortgage every month,

you waste it on rent. That's what sad is.

Oh, you're broke up. You're confused, brokenhearted.

Heartbreak is not having that money

as part of your net worth and then not saving the money,

so that after taxes you can invest!

You know, you're confused.

Are you finished? Look, I need the damn tour logs.

Yeah.

Well, I really, really appreciate the heart to heart.

It was a great talk, Dennis. Thank you.

Oh, well, you're behind three months. You're still behind three months.

And those logs are imperative to insuring that our books are straight!

I'll tell you what those logs are. Those logs are bullshit is what they are!

You got the receipts. Tally the goddamn things yourself!

I do, I do!

And I don't appreciate it, because it cuts into my time with my family.

I could be spending that time with my family instead of doing your books.

I already do the taxes. I do the billing.

I do the hiring, the firing. I do the maintenance.

Come on, what do you do? What is it that you do?

You do the tours! I am the talent, Dennis!

They sign up a month in advance to see me.

They'll wait in line for the next bus to see me! All right?

So don't drain me with all this bullshit about the goddamn tour logs!

GARY: How big's your TV? BOY: Oh, shut up!

How big's your TV, 'cause I wanna know if you can see what's happening.

Oh, wow. You beat a 12-year-old.

I don't care if you're 12 years old. You have more time in the day to play.

I live in the real world, my man,

(DOORBELL RINGING) with bills and responsibilities.

GARY: That's right.

You can't have a handle called Mad Dog Killer if you complain every time...

Brooke? Hi, Mike.

Hi. Come on in.

Hold on, Mom. I'm coming.

Is your mom in the room with you?

'Cause I hope she can't see what's happening.

I hope she can't see what's happening.

I'm gonna be just a few more seconds. So, just sit down and relax.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

GARY: I'm sorry? Yeah, why'd you do that?

You take the fun out of beating you, because you have an excuse to lose.

Get a life, dude.

Do you think it's possible that your mom won't love you anymore

if she sees how bad you're losing in the game.

Shut up!

Okay.

All right.

GARY: That's great. You're gonna stay man-to-man with me.

What happens when I make a play?

(MIKE GROANING) Making plays, making plays! Making plays!

Well, you know, that's how my people like to handle their business.

While your guys are out partying, mine are running routes.

Try to make a difference.

Mike? I'm ready to go.

Oh, hey,

do you mind if we finish the game? We got a real nail-biter going here.

Yeah, sure. Of course. Great.

Awesome, all right?

Touchdown. Oh, God, is that pretty.

God, is that pretty. Yeah, I'm a gentleman.

I like to be humble. I'm old school. I don't like to talk a lot.

But at the same time, am I talented?

Tell me how you felt about what just happened there.

That's him going deep. That's him going...

Work ethic. Work ethic.

I could play this game forever.

Oh, I could, too. I love it, yeah. I love it, don't you?

I mean, it's the kind of thing where literally

I play the game and it's like, four hours go by.

Fate has me highly skilled and loaded with talent.

Oh...

'Cause I think I'm good enough to figure out how to beat myself.

GARY: You push yourself.

You push yourself trying to achieve the impossible,

because you know that when that moment comes

that everything you've done up to that moment has prepared you for victory!

I can't take credit for it, Mike.

I got to thank these little digital guys with the big hearts.

Does it feel good to be a champion? Yeah.

Yeah, it feels good to be a champion. Good game.

Hey, Brooke, are you ready to go now?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. MIKE: Great.

Hey, Gary, thanks a lot, man. It was great to meet you.

Absolutely, man.

Come on, Mike. I know a great little martini bar.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

LUPUS: Yo.

Hey, man, saddle up. It's time to rope in some talent.

What's up? What do you got?

My place. Tonight. Poker. Call some girls up.

Your roommate is awesome.

Mmm.

Yeah, he's something.

So, where did you go to law school? Oh, Northwestern.

God, Gary's hilarious.

Yeah, he's okay.

Okay? I mean, the guy's all time.

But he's gonna take Chicago tourism by air, land and sea.

And he asked me to join his new bowling team.

I mean, how cool is that?

Mmm-hmm.

You know what? I can't do this. I'm so sorry.

Excuse me, would you please pull over? Can you pull over, please?

Hey, wait.

Tell Gary to call me.

GARY: Welcome, everyone,

to the first annual Texas Hold'em No-Limit Strip Poker Tournament.

(GIRLS WHOOPING)

Now, per the e-mail that Lupus sent, we each have eight articles of clothing.

Now, if you want to bet, you take off an article of clothing,

you put it in the center.

If you win, you take back the clothes, you put back on what you bet.

The extras that other people bet will stay in front of you,

much the same as chips would.

You can go all in at any point,

but as I outlined, you must take off all your clothes to do so.

The game shall last an hour, maybe two,

at which point we will begin the dance portion of the evening.

(ALL CHEERING)

GARY: Let's get going here.

I need to see the blinds. Small blind. Big blind.

The blinds are one and one.

LUPUS: Come on, ladies. GARY: All right.

Oh, yeah. Let's get going here.

Shuffle up and deal. All right.

I mean, just because they were playing video games,

that doesn't mean it didn't bother him, right?

Honestly, Brooke, I wish I could tell you, but I wasn't there.

All right, Sally, get the soap out of your mouth.

We're gonna save that for when you're 12.

Mike was really, really good-Iooking.

I mean, he's a little bit of a goof, but Gary doesn't know that.

I mean, for all he knows, a sophisticated,

really good-Iooking guy took me out on a date tonight.

I could be in bed with this guy right now for all he knows.

You know?

I'm telling you, if you saw the look on his face,

Mike got to him.

(CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE PLAYING ON STEREO)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Hey, it's Riggleman. Great news.

(GARY SNIFFING)

So, how does this work?

I'll bring the car around front and you wrap them up to go?

Oh, no, no. We take care of everything.

We deliver it. We hang it. We check the light and the sun exposure.

Oh. Perfect. Yeah.

Listen, I don't want to be too forward,

but would you like to have some dinner with me sometime?

I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend.

Of course. So...

Well, he's a lucky man. BROOKE: Oh, thank you.

I guess I will just have to keep it to home deliveries and gallery purchases.

Thank you, though. See you.

Have a good day, Brooke. You, too.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Okay, are you out of your mind?

Gary's throwing Greek orgies in your living room

and you're telling hot rich guys you have a boyfriend?

Are you nuts? Hey, look. I'm not exactly innocent here.

Brooke, as an outsider with some perspective, I really think you...

Christopher, stop. Stop it. I don't want to hear it.

This has already gotten way out of hand.

I know what I have to do now, all right? I know what I have to do.

(COMMENTATOR CHATTERING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR SHUTTING)

Hi.

Hi.

Did you get my note? Yeah.

Two weeks.

Yep.

I brought some boxes from work,

so, you know, if you need any just help yourself.

Great. Thanks.

Oh.

Listen, a while ago I got these tickets

for the Old 97's tonight, and I completely forgot about it, so I...

You know, if you want to go.

Well, how many tickets did you get?

I got two.

How much do you want for them?

Oh, no, I'm going. I'm going.

So, then it would just be the two of us?

Well, yes, and 2,000 other people.

I mean, it's not a big deal,

but, you know, look, you know, I was going to invite Addie,

but I just figured I'd gotten them for you, so...

Sure. Why not?

Are you sure? I mean, if you don't want them,

I can definitely give them to somebody. No. No, I'll be there.

That sounds... It sounds great.

Okay. All right. It's at the Riv.

So, I'll just leave your ticket at Will Call.

Good? Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, so, there. I'll just leave that for him. Okay, great.

Okay, so. Gary Grobowski?

Grobowski, yeah. He should be here in a minute.

He's really... He's oddly tall, so. Oh, okay. Great.

You won't miss him. Thanks. All right, have a good night.

(ALL CHATTERING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

Hi. Can I get a beer, please? Sure.

Actually, make that two beers.

It's gonna be $8.

Excuse me. Sorry.

(CROWD CHEERING)

MILLER: Hello, everybody!

Good evening, Chicago. We're the Old 97's.

(BAND PLAYING TIMEBOMB)

(BAND PLAYING SALOME)

(MELT SHOW PLAYING)

(LOCK CLICKING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR SHUTTING)

(KNOCKING)

Brooke?

Are you up? Yeah.

Are you okay? I'm fine.

Are you sure? What's up? What do you want?

I just want to say I'm sorry that I missed the concert,

and let me know what that ticket cost, I'll pay you back for it.

Just leave me alone, Gary.

I planned on going to the concert.

It's just, I stopped by Johnny O's and we...

It doesn't fucking matter, okay?

Would you just leave my room and shut the door?

Jesus. Please.

I didn't really know that the concert mattered all that much to you.

Exactly.

Hold on a second here. Let me talk for a second.

Gary...

Brooke. You broke up with me.

Then you have guys coming over here for dates,

and all of a sudden you ask me to go to some concert.

I mean, I just figured that, you know.

Gary.

(SNIFFS)

I just... I don't know how we got here.

Our entire relationship

I've gone above and beyond for you, for us.

And I mean, I've cooked.

I've picked your shit up off the floor.

I've laid your clothes out for you like you were a four-year-old.

I support you. I supported you, your work.

If we ever had dinner or anything, I make the plans.

I take care of everything and I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it.

I don't feel you appreciate me.

And all I want is to... Is for you to just show me that you care.

Why didn't you just say that to me?

Gary, I've tried. I've tried.

Yeah, but never like that.

You might've said some things that you meant to imply that, Brooke,

but I'm not a mind reader.

I doubt it would matter. You are who you are.

Just leave me alone, okay?

Right now. Just shut my door.

Listen.

All right, Gary, just, please. Just leave the room.

Listen to me. Gary, just...

I don't want to be near you right now. Listen to me. I just want to...

Please, just shut the door. Please.

(SOBBING)

JOHNNY O: I know. Look, I know you feel bad, but, you know, what are you gonna do?

I mean, what does she expect, for me to want to go with the girl who dumped me?

I don't know. She probably just wanted you, you know, to show her the respect

of not standing her up or some shit, who knows?

Well, damn it. I should have just said no in the first place.

I don't know why I called...

You know what? It's her fault she got hurt.

You shouldn't even feel bad about it. She should have expected it from you.

You're a fun guy, okay? Everybody likes you.

You're the quickest guy I know. Anytime we go out, I have a blast.

All right? But, you know,

everybody who knows you knows you're gonna do what you want to do.

And if it's not what the other person wants to do, well, that's their problem.

That's bullshit. It's not bullshit.

There's plenty of times I do shit that I don't want to do.

That's ridiculous. No. Like when?

That's bullshit to say about me.

When have we ever done something you didn't want to do?

You know, I don't know, off the top of my head. I don't keep score...

When's the last time we went to a Sox game?

The Sox.

Not when they're playing the Cubs, either.

We always do what you want to do and she always did what you want to do.

It's who you are.

Everybody thinks that you're their friend, okay?

But the fact of the matter is that there's not one person

that I know that you trust enough to let close enough

that they could hurt you.

And her big problem is that you really liked her.

I mean, she is the one girl you really liked.

And no matter what she did and how hard she tried,

you were never gonna let your guard down.

That poor girl never stood a chance.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(AY COSITA LINDA PLAYING ON STEREO)

Marilyn?

Marilyn? MARILYN: Yeah.

I'm sorry. I just...

MARILYN: Oh, just get in here.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry, excuse me.

Marilyn, I just...

I just wanted to let you know that today is gonna be my last day.

I'm gonna be traveling for a bit.

Here's a blank check.

Write down a number, I don't want to know what it is, and go back to work.

No, no. It's not about that.

I can't accept that.

Brooke.

Travis, get your gorgeous tuckus out of here.

(SIGHS)

(STEREO STOPS PLAYING)

If you make it to Rome,

search out an establishment called the Padre Negro.

Ask for a strapping young fellow named Alberto.

Compliments of M. Dean.

Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

Yeah. And, honey,

take as long as you want, because when you're done,

your job will be right here waiting for you.

And if you discover a path that doesn't lead back here...

Well, I hope you'll text.

I will.

(CHUCKLES)

And, like I said, the apartment's a mess, but I'm moving, so...

It's okay. Relax about the place. I don't care.

Okay. This'll just take a second. Okay.

(LA VEM A BAIANA PLAYING ON STEREO)

BROOKE: Hello? GARY: Hey. I'm in here.

Don't say anything. I...

How're you doing?

Could I talk to you in private for a second?

You know what? This is really not a good time,

and obviously you have something happening here,

so we'll just be in... No, no, I don't have anything going on.

This is actually for you.

I'm just gonna wait outside. No, no. Wait.

No, no. Really. It's okay.

I really can't do this right now.

Brooke, this whole thing has been really tough on me

and I've tried to act like it hasn't been that tough on me,

but the first Sunday after me and you broke up,

it all kind of really hit me.

And I think it partially hit me

because Sunday was sort of always our day that we would do stuff together.

But I didn't have any idea you still cared so much.

And, you know, when I saw you crying the other night,

that was honestly the worst moment of my life.

Gary.

Let me just try to say some of these things here. It's just...

Look,

I know that I've caused you a lot of pain.

And the funny thing is, all I really want to do is make you happy.

I just want to make you smile.

Now, I've had a lot of time to think about some of the things

that went on, and I know, Brooke, that I don't always do the right thing

or always say the right things,

but I am willing to try to do things differently.

And I'd be happy to go take a dance class.

Well, I would. Honestly. I would like to go do that. Or go travel.

I mean, I'd even be willing to go to the ballet.

Although I would much rather do the dance class or take a trip somewhere.

But I realize that's not the point.

I realize that the point isn't that at all,

because it's not really about doing things that you love to do always,

but it is about doing things with the person that you love.

And I love you.

Gary. Just give me one second here.

I've missed you so much.

(SOBBING)

I promise you, Brooke,

I will do whatever it is that I have to do to never hurt you again.

I love you and I'm sorry.

Okay, that's it. That's all I...

Oh, God. That's all I wanted to say,

so you can go ahead now with anything that you're feeling to say.

I don't know what to say.

Just say whatever you feel inside.

I don't feel the same way.

I don't. I just... I don't know.

Oh, God.

I just, I think... I don't know,

but I don't think I have

anything left to give.

I'm sorry.

I was hoping for...

It doesn't matter.

Oh, this is now beyond awkward.

There's some new guy standing out in the hallway

and I think I'm gonna go.

Okay.

Thank you.

I made a dinner, and I don't know if it's any good or not,

but you're welcome to have it.

Okay.

Gary, that's really... That's not what you think that it is.

It's okay.

I'm gonna go take a walk.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

I'm sorry about that. No.

I'm sorry I imposed. No, that's fine. Please.

So, what do you think? I think you're right.

I think it's great. Good.

Okay. Okay.

So,

I will have that wrapped up.

Packed up, sorry, and delivered.

Thank you for taking the time to show it to me, okay?

Sure.

Yeah. I'm gonna run. Okay, I'll walk you out.

No, no, no. I can... It's okay.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

GARY: So, the thing that I was most afraid of happening happened

and I don't regret it at all, because now she knows how I feel.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I think, what you got to do now is really think hard,

because you have to find somebody

that can't be traced back to either of us

to visit this guy.

What are you talking about? I don't...

The guy who came with her.

I don't need anything to happen to the guy.

But if they could trace him back to either one of us...

It's not about him. I don't care about that. ...it's a problem.

The guy, he's not a... They're not dumb. Cops are smart, trust me.

Okay, but he's not a problem to me. Right.

Listen to me.

Promise me that you're not gonna do anything.

I got you.

It's better if nobody... You don't know anything.

What are you talking about? I'll take care of it.

I don't want you to take care of anything. John, do me a favor.

I'm being serious with you. I know, I know. Smart. You're smart.

No, I'm not. I'm being honest with you.

I don't want anything to happen to him. Me, either.

Promise me you're not gonna have anyone do anything to this guy.

But you've gotta tell me exactly what you're gonna tell them,

if the cops come to you. Because if we tell a different story...

Nothing. Promise me one thing. We don't care...

John, I'm gonna go home. I can't do this. I'm exhausted.

Right, go home. Just make sure your neighbors know you're going home.

Do me a favor. They got phone records. Make a couple phone calls tonight.

Especially around 10:00.

Okay. Please don't do anything. All right.

I don't mean it like... I mean, honestly.

No, no, I got it.

For all you know, nothing's happening.

I don't want anything to happen. Right.

Say it louder.

What are you doing here so early?

Hey.

Everything okay with you and... Yeah, everything's gonna be great.

I just wanna get my day started, but I just wanted to say that

I'm sorry it took so long for me to...

I love you, Dennis.

(GASPING) It's all right. It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna go do the stuff.

So, that's it for all my stuff.

If you want, you could give me your key and I'll drop it off at Riggleman's.

All right.

Thanks.

Gary.

You know, there's a thousand things I...

I would have done differently.

Me, too.

Sort of, actually, when I see this space, I realize that if we didn't have

such a big coffee table and that oversized couch

a pool table would have fit nicely.

Yeah.

Although the oversized couch did come in very useful the last couple of weeks, so...

Yes, it... I guess.

Have a good trip.

Thanks.

GARY: Chicago is called the Second City

because after the Great Chicago Fire of 1871,

Chicago was rebuilt on its ruins.

The city came back even bigger and stronger than it originally was.

So it's not really an insult, it's more of a badge of honor to be called...

The Second City!

Okay. People, you might be able to get away

with that reaction at work, but you are on vacation here.

If you can't blow it out here, then where the hell can you blow it out?

Ladies and gentlemen, show me that you mean it.

Do not make me ask you twice.

Are you ready to see Chicago? ALL: Yes!

I said, are you ready to see Chicago? ALL: Yes!

Are you ready to see Chicago? Shondra, put this babe in the air.

Let's go!

There is a bar downstairs. Please enjoy yourself.

I know it's early in the morning, but it is Chicago in the summer.

Who are we kidding? It's fine.

Go get hopped up, make some bad decisions.

My jokes get better. The buildings look bigger.

It's not so important that everything is finished.

It's important that everything is right.

Well, what time's the presentation?

All right, I'll pick up the rest of the stuff and I'll see you at 6:45.

Great. Bye.

GARY: Brooke!

Hi. Hi.

Wow.

(CHUCKLES)

It's good to see you. It's good to see you.

I'd give you a hug, but my hands are kind of full with all the bags here.

How've you been? I've been really good.

How have you been? I've been good.

Yeah.

You look great. Thank you.

The hair's a little different. Looks nice. Yeah? Oh, yeah.

You've lost some weight. Well, it's very deceiving, actually.

I've managed to become thin without having any real muscle on me whatsoever.

Very tough thing to accomplish, by the way. I'm proud of myself.

Well, you look terrific. Thanks.

I heard your trip went really well. It did. It went really well.

Oh, good. It was fun. It was amazing.

I saw so many amazing places. It was just...

But, you know, you do realize how much you love home.

It's good to have you back. Yeah. It's good to be back.

And the boat. Congratulations on the boat. Thanks.

I'm waiting for it to get warm, and I'm gonna come by and take a ride.

Well, anytime you want. It'll be on the house. Come on by.

Well, I will, then.

I hope you do.

Definitely.

Well, I got to... I'm going to a meeting, so...

I got to drop these bags off anyway, but it's really good to see you, Brooke.

Really good to see you. Shouldn't...

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just saying we shouldn't wait so long the next time before we...

Yeah. ...catch up.

We have a lot more to talk about. Yeah.

So.

Be good. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

(I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW PLAYING)

(RAINBOW CONNECTION PLAYING)