Original subtitles

?

(woman) ? WHAT IS THIS THING ?

? CALLED LOVE? ?

? THIS FUNNY THING ?

? CALLED LOVE ?

? JUST WHO CAN SOLVE ?

? ITS MYSTERY? ?

? WHY SHOULD IT MAKE ?

? A FOOL OF ME? ?

? I SAW YOU THERE ?

? THAT WONDERFUL DAY ?

? YOU TOOK MY LOVE ?

? AND THREW IT AWAY ?

? AND SO I ASK THE LORD ?

? IN HEAVEN ABOVE ?

? WHAT IS THIS THING ?

? CALLED LOVE? ?

? CALLED LOVE ?

(man) AND IT'S ANOTHER PERFECT DAY IN THE SOUTHLAND.

IF IT STAYS THIS PERFECT MUCH LONGER,

I AM GONNA KILL MYSELF.

(moans)

(laughs) OH.

(moaning)

OHH.

(Abigail moans)

(pants)

(moaning)

AHH! AHH!

AHH!

(Abigail panting)

(moaning)

OH! OH! OHH!

(whispers indistinctly)

(panting)

MORNING.

(continues panting)

HOW ARE YOU, MERLE?

MOIST. HOW ARE YOU? (chuckles)

ME? NEVER BETTER.

(pours liquid) RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME?

IT'S THE UNIT'S WEEKEND IN THE MOUNTAINS

AT JUD CUTTER'S CABIN,

AND I AM TAKING MICHAEL.

OH, WAIT. OKAY. SO THE LAWYER

IS SPENDING THE WEEKEND WITH A BUNCH OF COPS.

IS HE INTO PAIN?

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH EVERY DAY.

THEY'LL BE NICE.

(chuckles) DOES HE KNOW YOU AND CUTTER HAD A THING?

CUTTER HAD A THING. RIGHT.

(Luther) TALK TO ME, MICHAEL. TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

BE FRANK AND SPECIFIC.

I'M THINKING, THERE'S AN ASS ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN.

GOOD. EXCELLENT. AND?

AND I DON'T KNOW. I'M WONDERING WHAT'S ABOVE IT, BELOW IT,

AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF IT. BRILLIANT.

WHICH IS THE GENIUS OF TAINTED TUSH,

WHICH IS WHY WE MUST CRUSH THOSE

WHO WOULD TRY TO STEAL OUR INSPIRATION.

TAINTED TUSH IS BEING VIOLATED.

OUCH.

DO NOT TRIVIALIZE THIS, MICHAEL.

TAINTED TUSH HAS CREATED A UNIQUE BRAND

IN THE WORLD OF SOCIAL NETWORKING,

AND WE MUST NOT STAND BY AND LET FannyHut.com

OR Toughtush.com TRADE ON OUR GOOD NAME.

I AM INSPIRED. WE NEED TO HAVE THIS MOTION

READY TO BE FILED MONDAY MORNING.

NO, NO, NO. W-WE?

LUTHER, I SAID I'D BE SANTA'S HELPER, NOT SANTA.

I NEED YOU IN THE CHIMNEY.

YOU'RE THE WORDSMITH. I'M THE MAN OF ACTION.

I'M GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND.

MICHAEL, YOU CAN'T.

I WOULD NEVER DESERT YOU LIKE THIS.

OH, YOU WOULD AND YOU DID.

IF MEMORY SERVES, THERE WAS A WEEKEND

THAT WE WERE UNDER THE GUN WITH THE CURVES AHEAD BUYOUT,

AND SOMEONE, OH, YOU, TOOK OFF.

THAT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

I WAS GOING AWAY WITH THE COCHRAN TRIPLETS.

MM-HMM.

ANYWAY, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

TAINTED TUSH MAY VERY WELL BE THE MOST IMPORTANT CLIENT

WE'VE EVER REPRESENTED.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T SOUND PRETENTIOUS,

BUT WE ARE FIGHTING FOR THE HEARTS AND MINDS

AND, YES, THE EROGENOUS ZONES,

OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL GENERATION IN HISTORY.

YEAH, IT SOUNDS PRETENTIOUS.

I PITY YOUR LACK OF VISION, MICHAEL.

THIS GENERATION IS DRIVEN BY IMAGES,

NOT TEXT,

AND I ASK YOU, WHAT MORE PROFOUND AN IMAGE IS THERE

THAN THE HUMAN ASS?

OKAY, LUTHER, YOU FUCKIN' DROVE ME TO TEARS. YOU WIN.

I'LL TAKE THE LAPTOP. WE'LL GET IT DONE OVER THE WEEKEND.

YOU ARE A TRUE PRINCE. YOU SHOULD HAVE A CROWN AND TIGHTS--

(computer chirps)

AH.

A MISSIVE FROM MOTHER RUSSIA. TAKE A LOOK.

THE SISTERS DELACOURT--

THE BLACK SEA ENGULFED IN COSSACKS.

(laughs) OH, MY GOD.

JOCELYN'S GOT BETTER TITS THAN PEMMIE.

HOW COULD THE UNIVERSE DO THAT TO ME?

I'M NOT SURE IF PEMMIE IS A GOOD OR BAD INFLUENCE--

ALWAYS BAD. IT'S HER BEST QUALITY.

YOU KNOW, THEY ACTUALLY LOOK HAPPIER WITHOUT US.

MM.

(cell phone rings)

HEY. YOU DONE PACKING?

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I'M CLOSE.

ALL RIGHT.

WE ARE GOING TO THE MOUNTAINS WITH PEOPLE FROM HER OFFICE.

HER OFFICE?

HER OFFICE IS A SQUAD CAR IN A CITY FULL OF BLOOD STAINS.

(chuckles) YOU'RE GOING AWAY WITH COPS?

HEY, COPS ARE INTERESTING PEOPLE.

MM-HMM. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TALK ABOUT, BULLETS?

OH, YOU'RE A FUCKING ELITIST.

NO, I'M WAY BETTER THAN THAT.

BUT SINCE YOU ARE GOING AWAY WITH COPS ALL WEEKEND,

I DO HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK.

ANYTHING.

I COULD REALLY USE A-A LOANER PAIR OF HANDCUFFS.

MINE ARE IN THE SHOP.

?

(speaks foreign language)

DASVIDANIYA.

AH.

(speaks foreign language)

(chuckles)

(speaks foreign language)

(laughs)

WHAT HE SAID.

(laughs)

OOH!

AHH!

OOH!

OH, MY GOODNESS.

(laughs) GOOD CALL COMING TO RUSSIA, PEM.

MM.

TRAVEL IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL.

OOH, NOT ONLY THAT, BUT...

HEY, DID YOU GET THAT PERMANENT EYELINER?

MM. IT'S JETLAG.

(both laugh)

ALL RIGHT. I'VE BEEN THINKING...

HMM?

I THINK...

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEAVE

WHERE YOU LIVE

TO FIND OUT...

WHERE YOU REALLY LIVE.

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?

FUCKING "A."

TOTAL SENSE.

MM. THAT IS DEEP, JOCE.

MM-HMM. AND ALSO...

I THINK THE BARTENDER HAS A HUGE COCK.

(laughing) I MEAN, I THINK THAT GUY

HAS ONE OF THOSE SADDLES. (continues laughing)

OH. MM-HMM. WHOO-HOO.

WHOO-HOO. (speaks foreign language)

OHH.

UH-HUH.

OH. (laughs)

(laughs)

(speaks foreign language) MM.

YEAH.

(speaks foreign language)

(sighs) (speaks foreign language)

(laughs)

OKAY.

LET'S WALK TO YUGOSLAVIA.

IT DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.

I'M GOING THERE ANYWAYS.

OKAY. COME ON, LITTLE BITCH. LET'S GO.

OKAY. AH!

DO IT.

WHOO-HOO.

HEY... (speaks foreign language)

(laughs)

OOPS. (laughs)

(Jocelyn and Pemberg squeal) GOD BLESS AMERICA.

THIS IS AMAZING! I LOVE RUSSIA!

I LOVE THE WAY YOU GRIP THAT WHEEL

WITH THOSE BLACK LEATHER GLOVES, MISTER.

DON'T DISTRACT ME.

HEY.

THAT'S A DANGEROUS IDEA.

(chuckles)

I'LL SHOW YOU A DANGEROUS IDEA.

MM. MMM.

(both moan)

MMM.

OHH.

(smacks lips)

MM. MM.

(panting)

(moaning)

(gasps) AHH.

(moans)

AHH. (panting)

(grunts)

AHH. AHH. (gasps) GOD.

OHH! (moaning)

(grunts and moans)

(chuckles)

(laughs)

(pants)

(Michael groans)

JUD?

ANYONE HERE?

HUH.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST US.

GOOD.

'CAUSE...

I GOTTA HAVE YOU RIGHT NOW.

(laughs)

(chuckles)

(pants)

MM.

(gasps)

(both moaning)

(gasps)

OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE STILL SO WET.

(laughs)

MM.

OH.

MM, MM. (sighs)

HEY. (laughs) PARTNER.

GLAD YOU MADE IT.

GLAD OR SURPRISED? HELLO.

OOH. WHITE WOMEN HAVE SUCH SMALL ASSES.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

(laughs) MICHAEL, THIS IS PRESTON'S WIFE, HELEN.

UH-HUH. A TALL MAN.

I LIKE A TALL MAN.

I GOT A TALL MAN FOR YOU OVER HERE.

(laughs)

I'M JUD CUTTER. HEY.

WELCOME ABOARD. THANKS.

LIZ, MIKE, SAY HI TO MY GAL, JACKEE.

(laughs) CHARMED.

HI, JACKEE.

IF JUD EVER GETS OUT OF HAND, I'LL LEND YOU MY TASER.

(laughs) SHE'S CUTE.

MM. I'M ALWAYS OUTTA HAND. RIGHT, LIZ?

WHAT'S YOUR DRINK?

NOTHING, THANKS. I'VE GOT SOME WORK TO FINISH.

OH, HEY, THERE'S NO WORKING IN THE PLAYPEN, DUDE.

WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?

I'M A LAWYER.

HMM. WELL, COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR ROOM.

YOU GET THE BEST SUITE IN THE HOUSE.

ALL RIGHT.

(groans)

(keyboard keys clicking)

(Michael sighs)

ALL RIGHT, LUTHER. HERE IT IS--

"THAT FannyHut.com AND Toughtush.com

CEASE AND DESIST IN ALL FURTHER BUSINESS IN THIS AREA..."

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

THAT SOUND GOOD TO YOU?

Fabulous. E-mail it to me.

I'll have Claire put it in proper form.

Oh, by the way, I have some great news for you.

OH? We are not getting paid.

ARE WE ALSO GONNA BE BEATEN?

BETTER.

THE CEO OFFERED US STOCK IN LIEU OF A FEE,

SO IF TAINTED TUSH SPLITS-- FORGIVE THE UNSAVORY IMAGE--

WE WILL BE FILTHY RICH.

AND I JUST SENT YOU THE NEW TAINTED TUSH LOGO.

VERY TASTEFUL, LUTHER.

CAN WE PICK THIS UP TOMORROW?

Absolutely. Start thinking about

what kind of jet you want to buy.

(clicks button)

(sighs) DID I MISS ANYTHING OUT THERE?

JUST MY FAMOUS MARGARITAS

AND JACKEE'S TITS BLOCKING OUT THE SUN.

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

HI.

(moans)

(Michael moaning)

(kissing sounds)

(both moaning)

(Jackee) I CAN'T, JUD. IT'S TOO BIG!

(Jud) I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I CAN'T, JUD!

IT'S... TOO... BIG!

(Jud and Jackee grunting and moaning)

HE'S SO COMPETITIVE.

(Jackee screaming)

(Jud) OH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. AHH!

GOD, THAT FEELS INCREDIBLE! OH!

THAT'S SO DEEP, MICHAEL!

(Jackee screaming)

OH, YEAH!

NOW GET ON TOP. RIDE IT! RIDE IT!

(moans)

(Michael and Liz) RIDE IT! RIDE IT!

(Michael) RIDE IT! (Liz) YES!

OH, MY GOD. (moaning) (Michael) YES, RIGHT ON TOP.

FASTER? FASTER.

OH! RIDE IT!

RIDE IT! RIDE IT!

(panting) OH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE. OH! OH!

OHH! OH, GOD! I LOVE REDHEADS.

(all screaming indistinctly)

AHH! GOD! I LOVE REDHEADS.

(Jackee and Jud screaming)

OH! YES!

OHH! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!

(Jackee and Jud continue screaming) AHH!

(panting and screaming) OH, OH, WAIT.

SHH. SHH. (Michael and Liz screaming)

OH, NO. OH, NO. (Liz) OH, GOD. YOUR DICK IS SO ENORMOUS!

LIKE THIS?

(Michael) MY GOD, RIGHT? (Liz screaming)

WHAT? LET'S DO IT THIS WAY. YES.

(both moan)

OH. TAKE THAT. (moans) (moans)

GIVE IT TO YOU? I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU! (screaming)

(both screaming)

AAH! OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH!

(squeals) YEAH, YEAH.

WAIT. SHH. (Liz) OH, MY GOD! LET'S GO.

HIT IT! (moans) IT'S NEVER FELT...

SO GOOD! AHH!

(Michael and Liz screaming)

(whispers) DOGGY STYLE. DOGGY STYLE.

(whispers) YEAH, YEAH. OHH.

(Liz screaming) YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO WALK TOMORROW!

(moaning) (grunts, whimpers and moans) YES!

IT FEELS AMAZING!

OH, I'M ON TOP NOW, BABY!

(panting)

TAKE IT ALL!

WAIT. OH, TAKE IT...

ALL! (muffles voice) (Liz) YES! YES!

YES!

AHH! (cries)

OHH! YES!

OH, GOD. (Michael and Liz screaming indistinctly)

(moans) OH, YEAH!

(speaks indistinctly) (moans)

YOU'RE THE BEST FUCK I'VE EVER HAD! (screams indistinctly)

(Jud and Jackee moaning) YOU'RE THE BEST FUCK I EVER HAD!

(grunting and screaming)

(Michael) LIZ, I'M COMING!

I'M COMING IN FOR A LANDING!

(Jud and Jackee screaming) SHH. SHH.

(squeals and moans)

(both grunting and shouting)

(panting)

(grunts)

NO, I'M STILL COMING!

(grunts) ARE YOU STILL COMING?

(Liz) OH, MY GOD! ANOTHER ONE!

OH, MY GOD! STOP COMING! (screams indistinctly)

IT'S TOO MUCH!

SLOW DOWN YOUR COMING!

WE DID IT! OHH.

IT'S OVER. WE DID IT!

YEAH!

WHOO! OH, YEAH, BABY!

SO I SAW MY FRIEND ALICIA, AND SHE SAID,

"HEY, CHANTAL, WHEN DID YOU GET THE BOOB JOB?"

AND I REPLIED, "EXCUSE ME, ALICIA.

THESE ARE MINE, AND YOU BETTER TAKE THAT BACK."

AND SHE JUST STARTS GETTING ALL HAUGHTY--

OH, I SHOULD MENTION, WE'RE AT A CHARITY EVENT

BEING THROWN BY MR. GARY BUSEY

FOR PORPOISES THAT WERE ABUSED IN FILM.

SO I OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO MAKE A SCENE,

BECAUSE GARY IS A TORTURED GENIUS.

SO I SAY TO ALICIA, I SAY,

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ALICIA, OKAY?

"AND YOU BETTER TAKE THAT BACK, OR I AM PERMANENTLY TAKING YOU

OFF THE LIST OF PEOPLE THAT I LIKE."

AND THEN SHE JUST STARTS TO CRY

AND SHE SAYS THAT I HAVE GREAT BOOBS

AND THAT SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN JEALOUS OF THEM.

AND I SAID, "I KNOW. EVERYBODY IS."

AND THEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS AGAIN.

AND I LEARNED A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON

ABOUT STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF.

(Michael) IT'S SO QUIET.

SHE'S EITHER ASLEEP OR IN THE HOSPITAL

'CAUSE IT'S SO BIG. (laughs)

JUD IS THE JEALOUS TYPE.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO BE JEALOUS OF?

I DON'T KNOW,

DECENCY... SANITY...

(chuckles) WHATEVER ISN'T HIS.

INCLUDING YOU?

I SAW IT IN HIS EYES.

(sighs) IT WAS A PERFECT ARRANGEMENT

UNTIL I ACTUALLY GOT TO KNOW HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU JEALOUS OF?

PEOPLE WHO ROLL THE DICE...

WILLING TO RISK IT ALL FOR SOMETHING

THAT MIGHT ONLY BE A GOOD IDEA.

FOR THE RIGHT IDEA, YOU WOULD, TOO.

(chuckles)

(both moaning)

(knock on door)

HEY! HEY, HEY, COME ON.

I KNOCKED. DUDE, COME ON. WE NEED HELP WITH THE BARBECUE.

WE'RE BUSY HERE, JUD.

OH, LIZ.

YOU ALWAYS DID LIKE TO KEEP BUSY.

(laughs)

GET OFF.

ALL RIGHT. WHOA. WHOA.

WHOA. WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

I MEAN, IS THAT SOME GUY'S ASS?

YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

IT HAS TO DO WITH A CASE, A LEGAL MATTER.

OOH. SOUNDS SERIOUS.

A WEB SITE MY FIRM REPRESENTS.

AH, DUDE. I'M JUST BUSTIN' YOUR CHOPS.

I MEAN, COME ON. YOU'RE WITH LIZ.

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU LIKE TO BE WITH A GOOD WOMAN.

JUD, GET OUTTA HERE BEFORE I SHOOT YOU.

I MEAN IT. I'M GONNA FUCKING SHOOT YOU.

OKAY.

OKAY.

WOULD YOU REALLY SHOOT HIM?

YEAH, IN A KNEE.

MAYBE ABOVE THE KNEE.

SO AM I ASKING OR ARE YOU TALKING?

(laughs) WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

UH-HUH. SEE, OKAY, WHERE I COME FROM,

FRIENDS, THEY GO BOWLING,

THEY PICK UP EACH OTHER'S MAIL.

YOU TWO ARE ON FIRE.

SMOKE. NOT--NOT FIRE.

UH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAW. (laughs)

(laughs) SHUT UP.

(Jackee) HI. (laughs)

(yawns)

AHH. DON'T YOU GUYS JUST LOVE THE MOUNTAINS?

(chuckles) YES.

(laughs) OOH, MARGARITAS.

I LIVE FOR MARGARITAS.

YEAH.

THOSE ARE NOT BLENDED YET.

MM. MM.

(whispers) LIZ, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

YEAH, YEAH.

(whispering) SO THAT WHOLE SEX THING EARLIER...

MM-HMM.

IT WASN'T MY IDEA.

IT'S ALL GOOD. YEAH.

I WAS HOPING WE COULD HAVE A FOURSOME.

(chuckles)

(whispers) YEAH.

(whirs)

HOW'S IT FEEL, BEING SURROUNDED BY THE ENEMY?

LAWYERS AND COPS--

TWO SIDES OF A BAD ARGUMENT, YOU KNOW?

WHEN DID YOU DECIDE YOU WANTED TO BE A COP?

(chuckles)

AROUND THE TIME I REALIZED,

AL GREEN WAS ALREADY AL GREEN.

(laughs)

(sighs)

THE REAL REASON?

RESEARCH.

RESEARCH FOR WHAT?

(spits) MY WRITING.

IN HERE, I'M NOT A COP.

I'M ELMORE LEONARD.

GOT A MASTER'S IN CREATIVE WRITING.

(chuckles)

IDEAS FOR THE NEW NOVEL.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

FUCK KNOWS?

(both laugh)

THE BLURRED LINE BETWEEN FACT AND MADNESS.

SOUNDS LIKE MY CAREER.

SOUNDS LIKE EVERYBODY'S CAREER, MAN.

I DID GET A POTBOILER PUBLISHED.

OH, YEAH? (laughs) YEAH.

KINDA TOOK THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE FOR A RIDE

IT DIDN'T WANT TO GO ON. (chuckles)

"HE STARED AT THE SUN, AND IT BRANDED HIS PSYCHE

"LIKE THE LIES OF A THOUSAND LIARS

AND THE BLOOD OF A THOUSAND WARS."

OUCH.

(laughs) YEAH.

HOW MANY COPIES YOU SELL?

30.

I GOT 26 LEFT.

(chuckles) OH, MAN.

SO IF YOU WANT ONE, I GOT YOU.

I'LL TAKE.

ALL RIGHT. (laughs)

GOOD MAN, GOOD MAN.

?

OOH. (laughs)

?

THAT WOMAN IS GON' KNOCK SOMEBODY OUT.

(chuckles)

?

(sighs) JUD DOES THROW A HELL OF A PARTY, HUH?

?

YOU GUYS BUDDIES?

IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY WITH JUD.

I LIKE THE CABIN, THOUGH.

HMM.

MM. MIND IF DANCE WITH YOUR DATE?

GET YOUR MAN OUTTA HERE BEFORE PRESTON BORES HIM TO DEATH.

?

HAVING FUN?

YEAH.

(laughs)

LIAR.

THAT'S NOT TRUE. I LIKE PRESTON.

MM.

AND I REALLY LIKE YOU.

?

AND I LOVE...

MAKING LOVE TO YOU AT 6,000 FEET.

?

(imitating police siren)

ASS ALERT.

OH.

ASS ALERT.

COME ON, MAN. LET ME HAVE THAT BACK.

THERE'S A LOT OF IMPORTANT STUFF ON THERE.

YEAH, IT LOOKS-- LOOKS REAL IMPORTANT. HA HA HA.

QUIT FUCKING AROUND, AND GIVE HIM HIS COMPUTER BACK.

SURE.

OOPS. WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

THERE WERE HOURS OF WORK ON THAT. HEY, SEE YOU IN COURT, RIGHT?

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT. YOU'RE WASTED.

YEAH, SO WERE YOU THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON MY BOAT, LIZZIE.

REMEMBER? HEY, ENOUGH.

YEAH? THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID.

OH, YOU-- FUCK YOU, CUTTER!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. LIZ...

WE'RE GONNA GO INSIDE.

WELL, LIKE THE MAN SAID,

SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO EMBRACE CONFLICT,

AND SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO RUN FROM IT.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST ASSHOLES.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

YOU HEARD IT.

COME ON, GUYS. PLEASE. HEY.

COME ON--OH! HEY!

HEY! (grunts)

COME ON, MAN. WE'RE ALL JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME HERE.

(grunts) YOU BROKE MY FUCKING NOSE.

OH, MY BAD... DUDE.

(pants)

YOU WERE PRETTY TOUGH OUT THERE,

SLUGGING A HOMICIDE DETECTIVE.

I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.

(laughs)

I'VE NEVER EVEN HIT ANYBODY.

I'M BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN YOU.

HOW'S YOUR HAND?

IT HURTS.

IT SHOULD. YOU HIT HIM PRETTY HARD.

I KNOW ABOUT TRIAGE.

OH?

I'M PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

SEE, THE TRICK IS TO...

GET YOUR MIND OFF THE PAIN...

CONFUSE THE NERVE.

(laughs)

SEE...

(chuckles)

SEE THE... THEORY IS

THAT THE MIND CANNOT ENTERTAIN... OH.

TWO NEURAL IMPULSES AT ONCE.

AH, THAT'S FASCINATING.

IT IS, ISN'T IT? (moans)

IT'S ALL CIRCUITRY.

AS THE VELOCITY OF MY HAND INCREASES...

(moans)

THE PAIN THAT YOU FEEL BEGINS TO FADE.

UH-HUH.

AND IF I INTRODUCE MY OTHER WARM HAND...

AHH.

INTO THE PROCEDURE,

THE PAIN INEVITABLY...

(pants)

WILL VANISH.

GOD.

(pants)

I HATE TO ADMIT THIS,

BUT I LIKE WHEN A MAN FIGHTS FOR ME.

(panting)

YOU COULD FIGHT FOR YOURSELF.

I STILL LIKE IT.

LET'S GO HOME.

OKAY.

HELL OF A WEEKEND.

INSPIRED ME TO WRITE A WHOLE DIFFERENT NOVEL.

I EVEN STARTED ON IT UP THERE.

CHAPTER ONE, LAST PARAGRAPH,

"THE FIGHT ENDED,

"BUT IT WASN'T BLOOD SO MUCH AS PRIDE THAT HAD BEEN SPILLED.

"THE DRUNK WAS ON THE FLOOR AS HE ALWAYS WOULD BE,

"LOOKING UP AT THE STRENGTH AND DECENCY OF OTHERS.

"AND FOR A FLEETING MOMENT,

"THE MAN WHO STOOD OVER HIM HAD LOST HIMSELF...

AND WONDERED IF HE DIDN'T PREFER IT THAT WAY."