Original subtitles

Oh, wonderful.

Wonderful.

Oh, you're beautiful. I dream of girls like you.

Okay. Oh, that's nice.

Magnificent.

Oh, that's good. That's good.

Oh, that's nice.

Very good. Very good. That's nice. That's beautiful.

Oh, la, la.

Okay. I was there. It's like that. Okay.

Okay, now. That girl's a porn.

Goddamn porn.

Yes, she's the best I have.

Oh, I love you. I love you. Oh, magnifique.

Oh, I love you. I love you.

Roger. Roger.

Tony. Down.

I adore you.

Roger.

Don't bite.

But I want to gobble you up.

Roger?

Why don't you turn that off?

Roger!

You are perfect.

I love you, my Cherie.

I'll ask you again.

Marry me.

Roger, I am too young to make that commitment to you or to anyone.

I want to kiss you all over.

I only wish you loved me the way I love you.

I get excited every time I take your picture.

I want to kiss your toes.

I want to kiss your neck.

Your waist.

Your lips.

There.

Your pussy.

Eat me.

Look at my pussy.

Oh, look at my pussy.

Ooh.

That hits right in my lips.

Oh, yes.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Look at my clit.

Oh, yeah.

Just flick your tongue.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

Oh, yeah.

You're going to wake up.

Oh.

Oh, look, there's juice.

I want you to drink some.

Oh, yeah.

Swallow.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

God,

it's coming.

Oh, God.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Roger, could you give the man a dollar?

What is it?

What is it, my darling?

Oh, shit!

Let me preface my words by telling you that both I myself and the entire staff

of Wesley, Wesley, and Corrigan extend our sympathies to you in the aftermath

this tragic event.

We were all very fond of your grandfather.

As you know, his fortune was not insubstantial. His cash holdings, both

and international, amount to over $15 million.

Added to that, real estate, factories, and equipment total several million

You have been named as the sole heiress to his estate.

There is, however, one condition which I think I should bring to your attention.

Your grandfather was concerned for your protection after his death.

He wanted to make sure that you were not alone against the world.

He therefore stipulated, as a condition of the will, that you wed.

I can take care of myself, Mr. Webhead.

I'm sure you can, my dear.

However, you will not receive one penny of the estate until you are committed to

a state of legal matrimony. Otherwise, the entire estate will be transferred to

various charities.

Your grandfather has generously provided you with one month with which to find

yourself a husband.

I know we meant a lot to you.

My grandfather was the only one who ever cared.

You know we love you here.

You don't have to work today.

But I will.

I won't be in this business much longer.

What? I'm getting married.

Not to that phony Frenchman, of course not.

Then who?

I don't know.

But I have 30 days to find him. And then I'll never have to lay down in front of

a camera for the rest of my life. It's merry or bust my ass in this lousy

business until the eight spots hit in.

Who's next?

Sit down.

Tell me, Mr... Mr... Meredith.

Mr. Meredith, why do you want to become my husband?

My family is one of the wealthiest in the nation.

We own several petroleum refineries, a string of leather factories. Your

would be stabilized by the addition of my own. I see.

And I'm also very good in bed.

Ned!

You understand my position. I'm obligated to take a husband.

What do you have to offer?

Thank you.

Next.

You're aware that this would be strictly a business relationship.

Oh, that would be just dandy. I want a man who's completely uninterested in sex

with me.

Believe me, I'm the man.

Separate bedrooms?

We'd really see each other quite infrequently.

Fine. Hmm.

I'd like to do this as soon as possible.

Terrific. Can you meet with my rabbi in the morning?

Pardon me?

About the conversion.

Roger, what are you doing?

I thought that I would throw my cap into the ring.

Eat your cap.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jesus, you're pretty good for an older woman.

Ow!

Hey, Danny, I forgot how sensitive the little lady is.

Better be easy down there or she'll bite your nose off.

I'll tell you after this, I'm through with teenagers.

Yeah, me too.

Let's check the deal.

Do it.

Oh.

Now let's try just one more.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah, I'll have to come too.

I'm so much.

Yeah, what's the matter?

Hey, I'm sorry that I insulted you about being old. I mean, you're not that old

anyway. It's not that.

Well, tell us.

It's Babe.

We're going to lose her unless I can find some way to prevent her from

married.

That dead grandfather of hers and his multinational corporations.

Imagine him trying to marry her off to a perfect stranger.

Well, I'll marry her. Hey, so will I.

Oh, no, you don't. You're both mine.

Take it easy. I mean, somebody's got to do it. Yeah, I know.

And when they do, she's through with us.

I mean, why should she have to work modeling when she can earn a fortune on

interest alone?

I'm so sorry to disturb you at home, but an urgent business matter has come up.

I see that your company has been having problems.

I want to help McClellan, Robert.

Financially. Yes, I thought you would be interested.

I have a young lady with quite a sizable sum at her disposal.

This would be a rather unorthodox investment.

However, my client will salvage your company in return for your hand in

marriage.

Mr. LeVue, I'm so thrilled you could make it here on such short notice. Your

ideas for fast food smoked clam pies sounded magnificent.

They are delicious pies.

Yes, I'm certain they are. And my client, in exchange for your hand in

will market those pies from Seattle to the caucus.

You know a good product.

Yes. Now let's arrange a meeting right away and set a date for the marriage,

let's say...

For a week from today.

No. No, no. This is pie -baking season.

I bake till October.

We'll marry then.

But my client is married immediately.

I am sorry.

But the pies are first. Always first.

Though, I should love to take you up on such a marvelous offer.

The pies, they... I know. They come first.

I've heard of roulade tampon.

I invented toxic shock.

All you're doing?

Yep. I can make anybody broke. For the right price, of course.

Fifteen mil.

No problem.

When's the date?

The 14th. Great.

You've got yourself a deal and a bribe.

It's gone.

We're in business.

Or shall I say, out of business.

She'll just send the young woman to my priest in the morning.

Priest?

Conversion.

Conversion? Forget it.

Another?

No, I better not. How much do I owe you?

$23 .50.

My birth!

It was here just a moment ago.

Oh, damn it!

No, Mr. Wesley.

Not yet.

I know in a few days left, finding someone isn't as easy as it sounds.

Good day.

less in ground.

For we, faithful to our queen, bear its standards from field to shore.

This country, my dear man, is honored less in history than in the hearts of

people. Lo, hark to the setting.

Is it thus the rousing charge that brings me to the battle round?

Look, the hound that chaseth begs my cozening.

Well, take your fittest standings and once more, line well your twigs to catch

this wary beast.

I'll leave you.

And at your dag's discharge, make towards, like the longing water dog that

coucheth till the fowling piece be off, then seetheth on the prey with eager

mood.

All right, kids, I think you've got your bits down.

Aye, that we doeth, Freddy boy, I warrant thee.

Yeah.

Yeah. You mean we can finally go?

For it will be very late ere we get home.

Ah, Sarah, stick around. Let's practice the act four speech one more time. Give

the girl a break, Chad.

I know that you would rehearse all night, but this ain't the royal

Going anyway.

Fourth act of speech?

Come on, let's go.

I'd still think Marlowe was the master of Shakespeare any day.

Make love to me.

No one can even touch this depiction of evil. Let me try.

Sarah? Yes, darling?

Do you think we're neglecting the Greeks?

Yes.

Be resolute, mistress mine. Now, farewell, and see you confess nothing in

case.

Hello. Who are you?

My name's Dory, but don't let me disturb you.

Continue.

You're really quite good, you know. How much did you hear?

I caught your last beach and the tail end of the love scene.

See, I thought Theron and I were... Oh, Christ. Don't worry about it.

You really love the theater, don't you?

My mistress, Dory, it is indeed true love which I feel, greater than any

ruleth the world. Why, Chad Collins, you two -timing son of a bitch!

Aren't you going to go after her?

No, women.

They take up so much time.

Not all women do.

Some women would give you all the freedom you want.

I'd like to meet that kind.

You would?

Times must be tough.

Financially, I mean.

Yes.

No one wants to watch the classics anymore, not even on television.

What I could do is a little nest egg.

You'd like to produce?

Would I?

I bet you'd mount a big, big production.

Shakespeare on Broadway, Cornier, Racine, Escalus, Sheridan, Ben Johnson.

Joseph Papp, move over. I'd mount the biggest, most lavish productions America

has ever seen. No.

The world!

You would.

By Jove, indeed.

You'd spare no expense, let's say, on a production of Sophocles.

Nothing could give me greater pleasure.

And to you, Barbara and Consuelo, take this man, Charles A. Recolum, to be your

lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to

death do you part.

I do.

I now pronounce you... Man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Remember, this is strictly a business relationship.

Congratulations, my dear.

Beautiful ceremony.

Yes, Mia's never going to laugh.

It's all mine now.

All yours.

Congratulations. You are now a very wealthy woman.

You did it, kid.

You're hitched.

Good luck.

Don't be so glum, Freddy boy. We're on our way to the top.

Just think, the biggest, most opulent Sophocles ever.

My dear, I have a feeling that marriage will be the best thing that ever

happened to you. You do?

Well, thanks.

I hope I'll be seeing you from time to time. I hope so, too. And who knows, you

might even come back to work.

There'll always be a place for you at the agency.

Oedipus Rex.

A rock nudie musical.

Chad, darling.

Isn't it wonderful? I still don't believe it.

Broadway, after all these years.

Good luck.

He's a very lucky man.

Jack, don't. I don't even know what you're doing here.

I loved you once.

Do you love Chad?

Carla! Where have you been?

Babe, your grandfather would have been very proud of you.

Chad, don't you think you'd be selling out?

My ideals shall remain firm.

Chad, you've certainly got some grand ambitions, haven't you?

Yeah, sometimes I think a bit too grand.

Well, the bigger, the better.

Confidentially, Babe is the richest woman in North America.

This is the way I see it. We fly in Brando to play Creon.

Maybe Jane Fonda for Jocasta.

Well, what about me?

The chorus, darling.

You can do better than that, can't you?

I'm not going to let you go away so easily.

I want you.

Well? Well, hell, you only get married once.

Don't forget, I can really act.

moment.

Take it.

Take

more.

God bless you.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack. Oh, Jack.

Oh,

Jack. Oh,

Jack.

Oh, Jack.

Oh,

Jack. Oh, Jack.

Oh, oh, Jess.

Oh don't come inside me.

Let me see it.

Oh, yeah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Come on, it is one o 'clock.

Where could babies of miserable fortunes be hiding?

For Christ's sake, Roger, will you leave them alone? It's their wedding night.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking.

Well, they're probably wondering what happened to us.

Look, everybody.

The bride and groom have returned.

Smile for the camera.

Now show the derrière.

That's not nice. That's disgusting.

Forget it. It will not work.

Mike, can you do something for her? Touch her up or something.

I'm a makeup man, not Da Vinci.

Look sexy.

Smile.

That sexy?

I put the... Okay, I put the hand on the back of the head.

The hand behind the back.

And the head and the back are over there.

Okay, now suck on the cheeks.

I think I'm stuck.

Stuck? I must have bathed back.

I cannot work with the others.

They are no good. They are... How do you say? Shit!

Thank you, dearie. Your check is in the mail.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm over something.

We're at your service, madam.

Yeah, yeah.

For God's sake, sit down. You're making me nervous.

No. Well, just this time. But don't do it again until I finish my last.

Yes, madam.

And my name is Bae.

Yes, madam.

Ask me how I like being married.

No, don't.

Either one of you guys ever hear about housewives syndrome?

No, madam. No, madam.

Well, I've got it. Yes, madam.

Shut up!

Both of you, don't talk till I tell you to talk.

Now.

That's better.

At least you're learning a new spot.

Now stand over there and jack off for me.

Yes, madam.

Look at those

nice big cocks rising in the air.

Oh.

Oh.

Beat that meat.

Slowly.

Now fat.

spit on your hand and put it on your cock and beat it.

Stroke it up, down.

When

you

just love to stick those cocks inside my pussy.

Inside my wet pussy.

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, you can't.

So just keep beating your meat.

Keep it up. Yeah.

Stroke the fuse.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to see you come all over yourself.

Hurry up and come. I want you to hurry up and come all over yourself.

Beat it. Beat it harder.

Stroke it.

Stroke it. I want to see you come. I want to see you come all over your body.

Yeah.

Rub it on your chest. Take your fingers and rub it through your chest.

Yeah, like that.

Top is top.

The wife, life, luxury.

Wow.

I don't care how much they cost. I want real Trojans.

No, you don't find them in a drugstore, you idiot.

Find out if the shepherd knows his lines, will you?

This way, fellas.

Easy with that.

Hurry up with those props.

Tell you what, take the rock downstage and take the head upstage.

And I don't know. We'll just go from there.

Try it again, honey.

You will come?

But,

Oedipus, I think I'm worthy to... Come, honey.

Come.

I couldn't get it right at home. I couldn't get it right here. I can never

it right.

Where are my phalluses, Monty? They should have been here yesterday.

Watch out for the sheep, shit.

Somebody get me some paper towels!

What's so funny? The biggest production in the history of Broadway theater.

Five million already spent. Another eight million slated.

The new Oedipus must run 12 years to capacity crowds to recoup its initial

Producer leading man Chad Collins says after his Oedipus is completed, he

plans on putting together similar complex productions of Ben Johnson's

and Norton and Sackville's Gorbodook. What?

Insiders predict the biggest.

bomb since Hiroshima.

Well, Babe will be able to enjoy her fortune for a little

while.

Good morning, Babe.

Sleep well?

Coffee?

I think married life agrees with me.

I feel great.

How's your play doing?

Producing isn't easy.

It's not just a cocktail of sardines and a night on the town.

It's a real challenge.

Making phone calls, moving people here, there, meetings.

You should have spent an awful lot of time with that silly play.

Silly? Yeah, silly.

You could spend at least one night at home and for no other reason,

sake. Huh.

You certainly don't seem to miss me.

You've had a slew of call boys in and out of here the last two weeks that

satisfy the entire female population of Indianapolis.

You're right.

I don't miss you. I don't miss you one little bit.

Wake up!

Wake up!

Get out of my house!

Goddamn assholes, get out! Get out!

Get out!

Both of you, out!

Who is it?

Yeah? You called?

Oh, come in.

Nice place.

Real nice.

So are you.

Have a seat.

So, uh, would you like to watch some TV?

Did you ever do this before?

I don't usually make a habit of it, no.

Oh, good.

I'd love to have a virgin.

Well, you've got one.

Oh, pretty pussy.

That's right.

I love you.

How long have we worked together?

Six, seven, eight years maybe?

Am I right or wrong?

They think.

What's happening?

What's going on?

Your agency is the best.

Ron, be patient.

With the board of directors spitting fire down my neck, you want me to be

patient? Jesus H. Christ, I can't afford to be patient.

I've got to find someone else to handle these butts.

Please, Ron, wait till next Tuesday.

Next Tuesday, is it?

What then? The goddamn apocalypse?

Almost. The opening of Oedipus.

Well, so what?

Wait till next Tuesday.

Trust me.

Oh, oh.

Oh. Oh.

You smile and I respond.

We kiss as fast as God.

Love was born today.

And if there is no past, there can be no questions asked.

You're the only one I know.

Let's go.

Let me give you four stars.

A yesterday My

And the time will turn Together we will learn That there might

come a day When we reach the end

The smile past is gone again Love is gone that day

Let me

give you all and all

A yesterday My heart

He's in the dressing room upstairs.

But I wouldn't go in there.

Oh yeah.

Five minutes, Mr. Collins.

Get out of here.

Jeff? Chad?

Babe.

You know something?

I finally figured it out.

I love you.

Babe.

Good luck, my darling.

You are versed in all things.

While you have no eyes, in your mind you see our city as afflicted.

We are in your hands.

Alas, how terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the man this wise.

What is this?

How sad you are now.

For God's sake, if you know of anything, do not turn away from us.

All of us kneel to you.

I say that with those you love best, You live in foulest shame

unconsciously and do not see where you are in calamity.

deadly fear that the old seer had eyes.

Oh, Oedipus.

Unhappy Oedipus.

That is all I can call you.

And all I shall ever call you.

This is a terrible sight for men to see.

I've never seen a worse.

Poor wretch.

What madness has come over you?

What evil... Hey, men of Thebes.

Behold this Oedipus who knew the famous riddle and was noblest.

When did no man's fortune or success end low?

In what a pit of direst woe he now is plunged. From

hence the lesson draw.

How no man happy till he see the closing day.

Until he pass the board which severs life with death.

Believe it.

What do these newspaper men do anyway? Type with two fingers?

Darn it. I couldn't eat a thing. Yeah, neither could I.

Is it hot in here? Is it just me?

It's you.

Reviews are in.

Guess what?

Guess what?

Well, what do you expect from Clive Barnes anyway?

Here, read it yourselves.

My God, it's a fucking hit.

Way to go!

Film rights sought for $35 million.

Chad Collins' Oedipus is the greatest adaptation in the history of the

theater.

Deeper and deeper.

God only knows where it goes.

Deep, so deep.

You keep the love that flows from me.

Ah, but does it touch the heart?

That makes the heart...

Oh.

Oh.

Babe, I have to know. Please, be honest with me. Do you mind? My success,

my career, it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of time.

Darling, I think that's wonderful.

I'm so proud of you.

Jan, I want to go back to work, too.

Why, honey, that's fine.

I can see it now, you playing Ophelia to my Hamlet.

We'll be the greatest stage couple since Mont and Fontaine.

No, Chad.

I'm not an actress. I'm a model.

And I want to go back.

Then do it.

The rain will give you your checks on the way out.

I want to tell you all I'm going to miss you.

It was wonderful working with you.

It wasn't Dory.

The story is we're out of business.

I did not even want to. To have to. But now I must go back to sea as a robot to

photograph those empty, busy breaths.

Shit. What are you going to do, Dory?

I don't know what I'll do.

I'll miss the agency. It was my life.

Now get out of here, Ology. Scram before I start crying.

Bye, Dory.

So long.

Good luck.

Moi!

What are you doing here?

Well, it sure isn't a social call. I'm here to work.

But you're a rich woman.

And can't a rich woman work, too? You mean it?

Dory, what's with you?

Roger!

Mikey!

Daddy! Bob, get your hands in here. We've got work to do.

Beautiful. That's nice. Nice.

Très bien.

Oh, love it.

Oh, I dream about you.

Oh, la, la, beautiful.

Oh, good.

Looks sexy, sexy.

Okay, nice, nice, nice. Here, good. Smile, good. Just like that. Move the

Okay.

Good.

Nasty, look nasty.

That is it, babe. Perfect.

You smile and I respond.

We kiss, the fact is gone.

Love was born.

Goodbye.