Original subtitles

-Where's my brother?

Where?

Come on!

Fucking bin bag. Fucking serious boy.

Do you have any idea what you've thrown away, boy?

You're never gonna get a foster home like that again.

It's been a long time since you've been up the north side, boy.

Come on.

-Yeah, I know, but, like,

you could come see us, too, you know?

Alright, okay. Yeah. Bye.

Hi. -Alright?

-Yeah. -How was work?

-Yeah, shit.

Hi. Hi. -Sit down there.

I made your favourite -- the Shane special.

I'm not hungry.

You alright, Christy?

-Yeah, I'm grand.

-Did you put out the bed for him, Shane?

-Yeah.

You gonna eat your Bolognese?

-Why is she still up? -She's in our room tonight.

We can just put her down with us.

-She's overtired. She's just staring at the phone.

-I'll put her to bed so. -Stop, will you?

You know she won't settle with you.

-She'll be grand. Just sit down.

The food's done anyway.

-Shh. You eat. I'll put her down.

Shh, shh, shh. It's okay.

-It's only a few weeks.

Stace.

He'll be 18 then.

-And what happens him then, Shane?

-Mm.

-Yeah, I went down there. There was no one there.

He's painted like a tiger, Mam!

He looks like a fucking dope.

The party is actually on next Saturday.

You've got it wrong.

You're after making me trek all the ways down to Leisureplex

the fucking party isn't even on.

-Come on, boy! Bonfire Night's in two weeks,

and we've collected fuck all.

Get up off your arse, you lazy prick!

-Can you shut your mouth?

-Who's gonna shut it for me? You?

-Yeah, I will. Yeah.

-Leona, get off the phone and help us!

-Go away, you mog.

-Jordan broke up with ya,

so I don't know who you're talking to!

Here. Give us a hand there, will you?

-You robbing shit?

-No, we're collecting for the Bonna Night, you clown.

-Just lift that pallet out for us.

-I nearly have it out. Come on.

-Here, can I have the end of your fag?

-Come on. What I tell you about smoking?

You have to give that shit up, man.

-Lads, would you leave him alone?

-See you later.

-You're Shane's brother, aren't you?

-I am, yeah.

-Yeah, I heard you were staying with him. I'm the one that minds Charli.

Are you on Facebook?

-Yeah. -Add me there sure.

Leona Hegarty.

-Ah, look at Leona trying to crack onto him already.

You weirdo!

-Would you go away with your pallet, ye babies?

-Good luck getting a ride, Leona.

-You shut up. That's my sister!

- Ignore them. They're actually gomies.

The only reason I wanted to say to you is cos I do raffles and stuff like that.

And we have a rake of drink going this week.

We have two slabs of Coors Light,

a slab of Budweiser, slab of Carlsberg, bottle of Bacardi,

bottle of Malibu,

bottle of Gordon's Pink Gin, bottle of Jager,

and a slab of Bulmers. It's only a fiver.

-I actually don't have cash on me.

-Well, the numbers aren't out until Tuesday,

so you can give me the cash before then.

I've numbers 14, 31, 44 and 47 free.

Which one do you want?

-Well, give us number 47.

-47 for... What's your name again?

-Christy. -Shane's brother, Christy.

Nice one. Alright, I gotta head there.

Welcome back, anyway. Tell Stacey I said hi.

-I will. -Robot!

I'm going in there. Do not get caught.

I'll fucking break your neck.

-You would in your fuck.

-Gerard boy, what's happening? -Shane, great to see you.

-You flat out at the moment?

-Jesus, you have no idea, boy. 44 cases I have.

And they keep trying to give me more, too.

-Stop, boy.

-Come here.

Look at you, huh?

This place is smashing.

A real home, Shane.

The foster parents, they're not gonna press charges.

-Thank fuck for that.

Look, Gerard, he can't live with us.

Okay? This has to be temporary.

Stacey has enough on her plate as is with Charli.

Fucking bate, boy.

-Hi, Christy.

-How are we? -How are you, boy?

-Grand.

-I was Shane's aftercare worker as well.

I told you that, didn't I?

-Yeah, you did.

-Now, Christy, we need to sort you out with a plan,

and we need to sort it today.

I've been looking at some of the temporary accommodation that we have.

-Like a residential centre?

No, no way, boy.

Nah, Gerard, he's not going into one of them.

He'll drown in there.

-It's completely different these days. Trust me.

-Nah, he should be in with a family, boy.

He's always been in with a family.

That's what's best. -Okay.

I'll look at families. Alright?

But it's not that simple.

Christy is going to be 18 in a few weeks.

There aren't many families that will take someone of his age.

Now, we haven't even talked about the main thing.

You can't use any of our services

unless you're going on to do a course or a trade.

-Working with me today, kid.

Come on. Get up!

-I love this colour boy.

It's real therapeutic, isn't it?

Eggshell blue, boy. Stuff of dreams, this.

I might even fucking paint my room this colour, boy.

-Christy, will you grab my tea, will ya?

-Get us one of them too, la, will ya?

Two sugars.

Come here, boy. When are you and me gonna go out again?

Come over next weekend, watch the fights or something?

-Nah, boy. I got her. And I got this fella as well.

Stressed out of me head.

-Boy, I never fucking see you. All we do nowadays is paint.

-If you want to ask Stacey, then be my fucking guest.

But you can ask her. -I will ask Stacey.

I'm a charming cunt, boy.

If I ask her, she'll let you go.

-You just don't want any gaps in between the wall or the socket

because then the paint will run down.

And then you just want the second one.

That's right, boy. Go on.

It's unreal. Look at that.

You're a born painter.

-Did you enjoy it, though, Christy?

Jaysus, boy. You were some going on the brush earlier.

You must have been watching "Mary Poppins," were ya?

Unbelievable technique. I've never seen it like that.

Fucking

-Take off your shoes.

You can have a shower first, but I'm bursting for a piss.

-Did you show him how to use it?

-Yeah!

-Sorry about the shower, Christy.

It's such a piece of shit.

-Nah, it's grand.

-I see you had a proper one in Ballincollig, did you?

-It was alright.

-Oh, my God. These English lads will wreck your head.

How was work?

Trevor's some langball, isn't he?

-Yeah. He's alright.

-You weren't bad today.

-And I wasn't fucking good either.

-You should have seen Trevor when he first started to paint.

Paint everywhere.

He might as well have been painting the fucking floor, boy.

Nah, come again Monday.

Get you out of the house.

Where'd you get the chain?

-It was Mam's.

Sure you probably have loads of stuff belonged to her, do you?

-Nah.

-Hi, girl. -Hi. Is Christy here?

-He is. Yeah.

-Yeah, we're going up to the Rezza there.

Wanted to know if he wanted to come with us.

-Christy, there's someone here for you.

-Hey.

-Leona's invited you out with her friends.

-Ah, nah. I'm bate after work.

-Come on, don't be boring.

-Go on, Fingers, kid! -Yup!

-What are you drinking, boy?

-Malibu Lucozade.

-Malibu Lucozade?

That's fucking rank. -You're sick.

-It's lovely, boy. It's like mother's milk.

Christy,

are the beours in Ballincollig always this annoying?

I'd say they're a classier breed out there, like.

They don't be walking down the shops in their pyjamas, do they?

-Classy? With a name like Fingers?

-How do you think I got that name?

You wish, like.

He got that name because he was obsessed

with Chocolate Fingers when he was a baby.

-I still love 'em, boy. -Yeah, exactly.

-Who wants one of these? -You and your fucking wedges.

-Will you leave the wedges alone, boy?

-They're disgusting. -They're not.

-Yeah, they are. -They're fucking lovely.

If they were disgusting, I wouldn't fucking buy them.

They're lovely. -They're about two days old.

-They're not. They're cold and they're actually fucking nicer cold,

would you believe? -Here. Go on, give us one.

-Do you want one, Christy boy, yeah?

Do it. They're fucking spicy enough now.

-They're fucking disgusting.

Fuck! Spit it out!

Will you shut the fuck up?

Stop laughing at him.

-Here, Christy, have some of that mother's milk, boy.

-Oh, fuck off.

- I don't wanna know.

-Stacey's a legend.

She always has time for me.

-What's Shane like then?

-You don't really know him, do you?

-No, we haven't spent much time together.

-What's the craic? You seen Pawel?

-We don't hang around with Pawel.

-You know who that is, don't you?

That's your cousin Troy.

-What the fuck you whispering over there?

Is that Leona? -It is.

-Who's your boyfriend? He looks about 47.

-It's not my boyfriend. That's Christy.

-Christy who?

-Christy. As in Christy McCarthy.

-What, he supposed to be famous or something?

-He's your cousin. -Cousin?

-Yeah. -No, he's not.

-He is. -No, he's not.

-He is your cousin, boy. -Shut the fuck up.

-Your mam and his mam were sisters.

That makes you cousins.

-Are ya thick or something?

-You gonna let that fucking gremlin talk to you

like that, Troy, huh?

-What the fuck did you say to me, boy?

-Christy, don't.

-Get the fuck out of my face.

-Touch me again, I'll break your fucking fingers, boy.

-Come at me and see what happens.

Who the fuck --

-You're fucking dead!

-Here, Christy.

We don't want no trouble with them, boy.

-Do you know who his brother is? Are you for real, like?

-Take that, you cunt!

-Are you fucking serious, boy?

You fucking scumbags!

Fuck!

-Any of your neighbours have dash cams?

-I told ya, I'll sort it myself.

-What about you, Mary Poppins?

What's the word on the street?

-I already told him. I know nothing.

-Spoof.

-It's not spoof. -Will you shut up?

I've to run out.

Try to get some fucking work done between the pair of you while I'm gone.

- Fucking hell, boy.

-Alright. So, boy, tell me.

Who was this poor lad in Ballincollig?

-He was my foster brother.

-What? What ya lamp the head off him for?

-He had it coming for a while.

-You're just like Shane, you, boy.

He was some scrapper back in the day.

I'm telling you now.

-Did you go to school with Shane?

-No. We was in residential care together.

He looked out for me in there.

-I thought he was living with our cousins.

- I'm not getting into this, boy.

Here, look at this, la. You'll like this.

-What's that? -That's me, boy.

Gonna batter the head off this Lithuanian feen

in Neptune Stadium.

I swear to God, Christy.

I swear to God, boy,

I'm gonna lamp the head off that feen

by first-round knockout. Wap!

Right in there.

-We have to get Christy a fucking gaff now, boy.

-Did something happen with him?

-Fucking van window got smashed in is what happened.

-Did Christy have something to do with that?

-I don't know.

I’m worried about him, like.

-Right.

-This isn’t Ballincollig, Gerard.

You know what I mean?

He acts like that up here, it’s a different story.

I worked hard enough to keep trouble coming to my door.

-I know you have. Listen, I'm trying, alright?

But you said to find him a family

and there's absolutely nothing for him around Cork right now.

-What about outside of Cork? -Really?

Okay, I can, uh, I can put the feelers out.

Nice one, boy.

-But I have to check in with Christy

and make sure he'd be okay with that, okay?

-Alright boy.

Bye.

-Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Pow, pow. Like that.

Whoo-hoo! Sconce off this, la.

Pure fucking futuristic weighing scales, boy.

Ha!

Ahh!

What the fuck, boy?

This thing's banjaxed. That's not my weight at all.

Here. Get on that there.

Go on.

It's wrong, is it?

147? Is that you?

-That's me.

-What you -- Move.

What the fuck, boy?

I'm supposed to be under 170 for the fight.

- Fuck you been doing?

The man's after roaring down the fucking phone at me.

Were you up in his room?

-N-N-No, boy, we was...

-Then why is his fucking Fitbit going nuts?

It's synced to his weighing scales, you fucking dopes.

It's not fucking funny, boy.

He was at an important meeting and all.

He's a fucking lawyer like.

-What's he gonna do, sue ya? Relax, for fuck's sake.

-Don't tell me to fucking relax, boy.

It's because of you I can't fucking relax.

-You're the one that wanted me to come working with ya!

-What were you gonna fucking do?

Just sit around my gaff, depressed off your face, was it?

-You know what? Fuck you, Shane.

- What the fuck you playing?

Come back and pick that up, boy!

You're just gonna walk away from me, is it?

Listen to me. I'm your brother! -Half-brother!

-Who's that? -I don't know.

Stall on.

Hello!

-I said stall on, a minute.

-You after falling in or what like?

What's wrong with ya?

-Nothing.

-It's clearly not nothing. Big mopey head on ya.

-None of your fucking business, is it?

-Here, there's no need to be like that like.

Are you okay? What's going on?

-What do you want from me? I don't have any money

alright, so just fuck off and leave me alone.

-Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?!

Why is everyone so ratty tonight, like?

-Stall on.

Just stall on a second.

-Mam.

-Shane?

Stop filming me.

-I'm not.

-Get that camera out of my face.

-It's not in your face.

-Will you stop filming me?

-I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not filming you.

-Fuck off, will ya?

-When were you born?

-June. -So that makes you...

Gemini or Cancer?

That's a double personality thing.

I can kinda see that in you.

-Yeah, it sounds like me alright.

So do you not have anywhere else to be,

sitting here with me?

- No.

What about you? Do you not have any family around?

-I burned them bridges a long time ago.

-And are you sleeping here or something?

Is there not any hostels around?

-Yeah, but I don't want to go in one of them.

They're fucked. It's safer out here, like.

And I did try to get into the women's shelters and stuff

like that, but they didn't have any room.

But, um, whenever I can get in,

they can sort me out with, like, rehab and stuff like that.

So...

I actually haven't taken nothing in two weeks, though.

It's a lot for me, like. -Chalk it down.

-What did you say your name was again?

-Christy.

-You're salt of the earth, Christy.

I'm happy I met you now tonight.

-Same here.

-Christy, do you mind if I just hop in this?

Is that alright? -No, you're grand.

-Christy? Come in here.

I was worried sick over you. Where were you?

-I stayed at a friend's house.

-Sit down and I'll make you something.

-No, you're grand. -Just sit down, will you?

-I'm gonna have some tea and toast. Do you want some?

-Yeah... alright.

Just toast, though.

-What about hot chocolate?

-Go on so. Thanks.

-Here.

Shane had to go to work.

He's not odd with ya. He's just... stressed.

Yeah.

If you ever need to talk to someone, Christy...

...I'm here.

I mean it. I'd listen to you.

Just can't let the past get you down.

Cos it'll ruin you.

You can have a future.

You know?

-Mm.

-She's so chill like. -Yeah.

I think she likes her Uncle Christy.

Yeah.

-Hey, my brother wants to talk to ya.

-Why?

-Just wants to see you like.

-No, let's sort it out here, me and you.

-Nah. It's settled.

Sure he's the one who told me we're cousins.

-Sure I told you we were cousins.

-Sure I have a million cousins.

That fella there could be my cousin and I wouldn't know.

Just get in, will ya?

Get in the fuck.

Come on.

-Look who it is.

Stop the fucking lights, boy.

It's like I'm seeing a fucking ghost or something.

Do you know who this is?

-Oh, yeah.

Carmel's husband.

-"Carmel's husband"?

What?

No, boy. It's my cousin.

Miriam's kid.

-Stop!

-So, Christy,

you're the fella who panned out Troy.

That's fucking funny, boy.

That little sausage deserved a slap anyway.

Troy, get up and make Christy a cup of tea, you clown.

-You're grand. I don't drink tea.

-You don't drink tea?

Get up and make him one. -Doesn't want any.

-Where's your fucking manners?

Get up and make him a cup of tea.

-Where's Mam? Christy wants to see her.

-She's down the Fairfield Tavern having afternoon tea.

-Where do you think she is?

-Mam!

Mam!

-What?

-Someone here for ya.

-Who is it?

-You won't believe me. Come here, will ya?

Christy, sit down.

-Make a joint, kid. Everything's there.

So how's tricks with you?

-Not too bad now.

-Here, boy. You want this?

It's an All-for-One card.

Use it anywhere in town, boy.

You should go in to Boots and get yourself a fucking tub of Sudocrem for your face.

You might want to check her first, though.

There's probably about 15 euro left on it.

-What like? Who is it?

Hello.

-It's me, Christy, your nephew.

- G'way, what? Christy?

-Give him a fucking hug or something.

For fuck's sake. -Sorry, Christy.

Do you want anything?

-He's grand. Troy's making tea.

-Sit there, babe. I have to take a shit anyway.

-What are you doing here, Christy?

-I'm staying with Shane.

-Shane? Does he know you're here?

-No.

-I haven't seen Shane in years.

How is he?

-He's alright, yeah.

-Do you know he blocked me on Facebook?

I didn't even know he had a child

until his old doll shared it.

-Don't listen to this eejit, Christy.

How long since you've been in this house, boy?

-I don't know what age was I. Like 5?

So...

12 years ago?

-12 years.

Jesus.

-Fuck that, boy.

Now, that's way too long.

-Imagine your mother could see you sitting there.

God rest her soul.

We did everything we could, Christy.

-I know where I know him from.

Sconce off this.

37,000 views.

-Where's this? -Ballincollig, it says.

-Go on, Christy!

You're fucking battering him, boy.

That's my fucking cousin. -This kid's a beast, man.

-Christy, can you watch her a minute?

I've a work call. -Yeah.

-Hello.

Hello.

Hello, there.

-Gerard, what's happening, boy?

-Hiya, Shane. How are you, fella?

Listen, I can't get through to Christy there.

I just got an e-mail that there's a family in Tralee

who are interested in taking him.

-A family? That's unreal, boy.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here.

As I said, now, it's just an e-mail,

so it's not set in stone.

But, listen, he's never lived outside of Cork, Shane.

It's a fair old distance away.

It's two hours like.

I don't want it to be something that completely derails him.

I need to know what he thinks.

-He'd be up for it 100%.

100%, boy.

She's asleep.

-Will you run down and get a cake for Robot's birthday?

-I'll use my own money, it's alright.

-Alright, girl, shh.

-You said you had a wheelchair taxi.

-I never said that. They just sent me out, girl.

-Well, you shouldn't have taken us so...

because it's stuck now, isn't it?

-Relax. If we got it in, we'll get it out.

-Happy birthday, Robot, kid. -Cheers, kid.

That better not get broke or you're paying for a new one.

-Shut up, boy, will ya?

-Out. And no damage done.

-How much do I owe you? -Um...

-Is your meter still running?

-I'm still working, amn't I? -Daylight robbery.

-About time. Where's Mam?

-Mam doesn't have time to cut your hair, does she?

No. Because she's putting on your fucking party.

-Leona, I can't be going around looking like a hedgehog.

-Does it look like I care? -I can cut your hair.

-I wouldn't let you near my head.

-I used to cut the lads' hair all the time

out in Ballincollig. -Nah, not happening.

-Christy, I'd go inside now if I were you.

The little baby's having a tantrum.

-Sure. You know where I am.

-Christy! Go on. You can cut my hair so.

I appreciate you anyway doing this for me.

-No bother at all, Robot, kid.

-Can I ask you a question?

What you doing Bonfire Night?

-Uh, actually, it's my birthday.

-Ah, stop.

You know, I build a bonna every year.

I'm gonna dedicate this one to you.

It's gonna be lethal. -Nice one, kid.

-No bother, kid.

-What am I seeing here?

-Christy's cutting my hair

because you're too busy to do anything.

-I couldn't care less what you do with your head.

Christy. Dear. Jesus.

After all these years. -What the fuck?

-Mind them there. Come here to me, boy.

How are ya?

-Don't be weird with him now. -G'way you.

I remember this fella when he was in nappies.

Do you remember me, Christy?

-I don't. Sorry.

-Make yourself useful, Leona.

-Says the one.

-You don't remember me. That's awful sad.

I used to mind you loads when you were small.

How are you, pet?

-I'm good.

-And is it lovely that you're living with Shane --

-Will you leave him cut my hair?

-I'm only talking to him. Will you stop?

And don't be a stranger around here now.

You're welcome any time for a cup of tea...

-Will you leave him cut my hair?

Will you? -I'm only talking to him.

You're welcome for tea and a chinwag anytime.

I could tell you stories,

tell you stories about this fella, and look at you.

Don't tell me you're a barber.

-No, I just -- I just do it sometimes.

-You're doing a stellar job. -G'way, will ya?!

-I'm only inspecting the back of it.

-Can I have a look, Christy, please?

Fucking love it, boy. The Christy Special.

-You have the gift, alright, Christy boy.

She's a beaut. Saved me a job.

-Sorry about her.

-I can hear you. -You were meant to!

-Geez, is that some set-up you have there.

Do you need another extension lead or something?

-Yeah. Could you get an extension lead?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell is all that?

-You're getting gaslit by a 10-year-old, that's gas.

-He smokes, I know that 'cause I get them from him.

And he smokes. Ya, you do, ya, you do.

-Here, Christy, try to blow one of them up.

-You won't be able to, boy.

Not a fucking hope.

-Look at that, Radar.

See, that's a real man blowing up a balloon.

Leona, you're in for a treat

with that sort of lip action.

-Shut the fuck up.

-I'm starving, boy.

Is your brother nursing them sausages...

or what's the fucking story?

-Shane, what the fuck?

-Alright, boy?

-What are ya after doing?

-What you talking about, boy?

-You're after cremating the sausages.

-They're charred, boy. It's a fucking barbecue.

-They're black with the dirt! -Shane, are the sausages --

-They're not ready, boy. They're not ready.

-They look ready. They actually look very nice.

-They're burned to death.

-I've got secrets on everyone.

That's how they're all nice to me.

-Tell us some so. -Um...

-What about him? -Gary.

Okay, so one time back, I think it was like a month or two ago.

He was wearing this pair of jeans for an entire month,

but he didn't know that he had sequined hearts

on the arse of it.

And then he was just like, "Oh, fuck, these are my Mam's jeans."

- What the fuck?

-Robot, you're gonna love this birthday present.

Look at it. Look at it. Look at it.

Don't you love it?

-What am I meant to do with this?

-It's a knuckle buster. -Duster, kid.

-I'm gonna bust your face open, so it's a knuckle buster.

-Here, I'm not gonna start throwing slaps with this.

-That's an antique weapon.

Do you know how hard it was to get that?

-Yeah. Alright, Ferret. You stole it off your brother.

-Actually, I robbed it from the shop.

-What about Fingers and Aveen?

-Ooh, Fingers and Aveen.

He's been in love with her since we were about 5,

but like he knows that she's a lesbian, but

he keeps saying every single day

that he's hoping he could turn her.

-Shite.

-Quick, blow before they all go out.

Make a wish.

Happy birthday, kid. Mwah. Love you.

-I can put her down if you want.

-Yeah? Go on, Christy. Thanks.

-Stace, he's never put her down before.

-He'll be grand. -Stacey.

-Well, let him try like.

-I know how to do it, Shane.

-God, Christy's really settling in, isn't he?

-It's so nice to see him make a few friends, isn't it?

Here.

-When's the last time we sat at the table,

just the two of us?

-We never sat at the table even before Charli.

-Hmm. Oh, I forgot.

You hate sitting at tables. You're a pure couch man.

-You're like an old woman from Skibbereen or something.

-Oh, I'd gladly sit at the table all day.

Open door. All the neighbours could come in and out.

-I know what you're up to, putting on that song.

-What do you mean?

-You trying to get me to stop being all moody, is it?

-Do you even remember this song?

-Of course I remember this song.

-Where did you first hear it so?

-It was playing at Cubin's the night we met.

-Like you remember anything from that night.

You and Trevor were out of your minds.

Falling all over the dance floor.

-Well, I remember this song.

I remember seeing you at the bar.

-I remember thinking,

"Why is nobody serving her?

She's fucking gorgeous."

-G'way, you fool.

-You still are, you know?

-Yeah, well...

-You're gorgeous, too.

-Do you still have the moves?

Huh? -No, girl.

-Oh, come on. I know you do.

-I'm not dancing tonight. -Why?

-Cos I don't want to. -Please?

-Stace, I don't want to dance tonight.

-For me. Please. Come on, Shane.

For me. Come on.

Yeah. Come on.

Yeah.

Yes. Ooh.

-Christy!

Christy!

-Christy!

-It is a nice haircut, though, isn't it?

-It is, isn't it? Like I wasn't expecting that out of him.

-Christy, come here.

-Like he's actually been raving about it

since he got it done like.

-Here, you never told us you gave Robot a bazzer.

Pauline wants you over there now.

-Jackie fucked off to Tenerife again without telling us.

Rude.

-No, I only sorted out Robot. I'm not a hairdresser like.

-It'd be a piece of piss. You'd be grand.

-Will you do it for me? I promise,

I'll never ask you to do anything again.

-Honestly, don't even worry about

like messing up or anything like that.

Like it's kind of easy.

The only reason my Mam even wants you is

because I'm not even allowed to do boys hair anymore

because I fucked it up the last time.

So if you mess up,

it's grand because hair grows back

and especially with the lads,

they don't really care because they can just shave their head.

And they'd be fine.

Because I remember this one time,

I was shaving this fella's head and, um,

my hand -- he, like, coughed or something.

So my hand went and there was just a big, huge,

like streak just going on the back of his head.

But you'll be fine anyway.

You said you had practice anyway at Ballincollig and stuff.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Oh, God, these are spicy as fuck!

-Mam, I have Christy there for you.

-Christy, you're a star.

This is Miriam McCarthy's young fella.

-Really? -Fair play to you, Christy.

I have an appointment after Sharon

and I'd no one to do a walk-in.

-That's your walk-in over there.

-Alright, Christy, bro.

-And he wouldn't go nowhere till he got the Christy special.

-I don't know if I'll be any good now, kid.

-Aw, shut up, boy, will ya? You'll be grand.

Actually, you'll be great.

-If you can do it out the back, you can definitely do it here.

-Yeah, like I used to get my bazzers done at Idris' gaff.

But d'ya know... He nearly clopped the ears off me, the fucking gowl.

Then I saw what you done to Robot

and I was like, "Sham, boy, I need to get my bazzers off him,

he's lethal."

You're not from around here, are you?

-I am originally.

-I knew that, boy. Big Norrie head on top of ya.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-It means he has a big Norrie head on top of him like.

-How can you tell that someone's a Norrie from their head?

-Well, a Norrie always has this slightly pissed off

look on their face, but, you know,

when you get to know them, they're actually the nicest people ever.

-Facts.

-So, what you think? -It's unbelievable, boy.

Nice one.

-Looks really nice. -Looks alright, doesn't it?

Looks class. -Story boys?

-What's the craic, Robot, boy?

-What's the craic, Ferret, boy? -What ya think of the trim?

-That man's a wizard, boy.

-He is alright, isn't he? Nice one, Christy, boy.

-Good job, Christy. -Yeah, looks really nice.

-It does be a long day, doesn't it?

-It does. -You did well, though.

-Here you go.

-What are you doing? I only came here to help.

-Will you go away? You're after doing near a full day's work.

-I'm not taking your money off you, Pauline.

-Will you take it? Just take it, you eejit, ya.

-You know, there's a career there for you if you want it.

-Nah.

-A shame not to use them skills.

Well, not your sweeping skills.

Right. Well, I mean, I can still use you tomorrow if you want.

Please.

-Yeah. Yeah. I can do it. -Fair play to you.

Right. Go on. Get out and enjoy what's left of that sun.

-Thanks, Pauline. -Alright.

I'll see you in the morning at 9:00, right?

-9:05. -9:00.

And don't drink all your wages.

-An hour and a half, two hours they said. -It's about three hours.

-It's an hour.

-What do you want me to catch for dinner tonight, love?

-The only thing you catch is feelings, kid.

Ohh.

-Fingers is like a dog.

- I'm bollocksed too.

-Look at my eyes, I'm bollocksed.

-Oh, man. That's how we do it down here.

-I'm gonna be 18 next week.

-What are you gonna do?

-Not a fucking clue.

-How do you find me a new fella?

-I give him a... I give him a 7.5 out of 10.

-Ooh. -I'll take it.

-He's got fine, solid, strong hands.

And he's got all the good flick technique there,

on the razor.

-I taught him that myself.

-I'd say you did alright.

-Move back to Dublin with me, bro.

-I've never been.

-You've never been to Dublin? -No.

What?

Fuck off, will ya?

-Why would I want to leave Cork?

-The minute I can get out of here, I'm gone, man.

-Na, I like it here.

Thank you very much.

-You're an absolute freak.

Look, we have some new perfume in.

We have gold, silver, and white.

-No, no. -Don't be spraying my gowns.

-There's a smell of tomcat off that.

Jesus Christ. -No, there isn't.

-50 euro Brown Thomas, and only a tenner that I'm taking, boy.

What a bargain.

- Look!

-Christy boy. -What the fuck?

-You just knew there was a load of fish down here, did you?

-I'm a professional.

-Aye. Give us a lighter.

-You're not from here either, are you?

-God, no.

Meath woman, born and bred.

-What brought you here?

-What do you think?

A fella, of course.

Then he had the gall to fuck off back to country.

So that was the end of that.

Anyway... this was home by then.

People were good to me around here,

your mother especially.

Her and the other girls I worked with at Peter Marks,

we were like a little family.

-Yeah. Was she a proper hairdresser?

-Don't tell me you didn't know that.

-Well, I remember her cutting my hair at home, but...

that's about it.

-She used to help me out in here.

You and Shane used to come out and keep us all entertained.

It's mad you don't remember that.

Me and your mother, we were like that, Christy.

You have the same way about you, you know.

Lightness to you.

She was a victim, your mother, Christy.

And don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

That drug ruined so many lives.

Some people walking around act like they had no responsibility

in all that.

-What do you mean?

-Ah, nothing.

Just the way it is around here, you know?

Lots of nice people and lots of arseholes.

-Yeah. Sure, that's the same everywhere.

-As my father used to say, never pack an arsehole.

There'll always be one waiting for you when you get there.

-Going to work?

-Yeah. Where you off to?

-Just heading into town for a while.

-Just be back for 4:00, yeah?

-Why?

-Gerard rang. He wants us to come in.

-Why did he call you?

-'Cause you won't answer your fucking phone.

This was always gonna be temporary, boy.

You know that.

Pick you up later, yeah?

-Christy! -Alright, Christy boy!

-Here! Look what we found laying outside the Apple call centre.

It's a door.

-This is going straight into the bonna. Straight.

-Don't let the shades catch you with that, lads.

-Not a chance, boy. -What are they gonna do?

Arrest a kid in a wheelchair for robbing doors?

Christy, hold up, boy.

What's up with you, boy?

-Nothing, kid. I'm grand.

-Come on, Robot! -Would ye shut the fuck up?

You sure you're okay?

-Yeah, I'm grand, kid. I-I have to go there.

-See you tomorrow, yeah?

-Yeah, I think so. -What do you mean, "think"?

The bonna's for your birthday, boy.

You have my number if you ever need to talk, yeah?

-Yeah.

-No more bets. Thank you.

28 black.

-Story.

Best of cousins again, are we?

Hey, Christy, did you see Jammy's new primate

bopping around his gaff?

-Bullshit.

-What's bullshit, man? Am I talking to you, am I?

Fuck me.

He was down at the café

in Fota Wildlife, man outside, uh...

What's that café with all the fucking peacocks?

Came back anyway with a one-armed lemur, he did.

Thing's getting fed better than myself.

Sure you'll see him next time you're up at the gaff.

Thing's walkin' around like he owns the place.

-Talk so much fucking shit.

-Talk shit, do I? Aye?

You're only getting bad there

'cause you're after losing a grand on a game.

Fuck's sake.

-It's mad that ye all used to live with us.

I remember fuck-all.

-Stop. I remember fuck-all as well.

-I remember Shane alright.

Used to play soccer with me out the back.

Then he fucked off, too.

Come here. What are you doing tomorrow night?

-Are you not going to the bonna?

Am I fuck. What am I, 12?

We go into town and get a few birds, yeah?

Hello?

Right. Go on.

Right, lads. Let's go! Come on, like.

- Fuck's sake, Christy.

Answer your fucking phone, boy.

-Hurry the fuck up.

-Hey, lads, do you have a fiver?

-Get the fuck away from me, you. Ya smell bag, ya.

-Christy! How's it going?

How're ya getting on, boy?

-Sorry. I have to go away. -Huh?

-I need to go. I'm sorry.

-Who's that skank, Christy?

-Christy riding all the fucking junkies in town, man.

-Jesus, Christy boy.

I thought you had fuckin' better standards than that, kid.

-Stall on there, lads.

-Story. -The fuck you doing with him?

-He's our cousin, boy.

-Get in the van. Gerard's waiting on us.

-No. You're grand.

-Get in the fucking van, boy.

-Boys, I'll see ya later.

-Christy, you're a tough man to get hold of.

Listen. Um, the reason I asked you to come in --

and sorry now to be the bearer of bad news --

but, um, that family's after falling through, okay?

-What do you mean, fell through?

-What family?

-It fell through, Shane. It happens, okay?

-What family?

-Did you not tell him about the family, Shane?

-What are we gonna do, so? 'Cause he can't stay with us anymore, boy.

-Okay. Well, the good news is

that a room's after coming up in one of the aftercare centres.

But you said you didn't want that.

-Well... maybe we should look at them.

-Oh, I thought they were horrible gaffs.

Good enough for me now, are they?

-Well, we can go look at it tomorrow if you want to, Christy, okay?

But I'm telling you now, lads,

if you don't take it, it's gonna be gone the next day.

We'll be there, boy.

-Christy.

Christy! -Will you ever just fuck off

and stop sneaking around behind my back?

-You're ungrateful. Do you know that?

That's -- That's your fucking problem, boy.

You've had everything handed to you your whole fucking life.

-I've had everything handed to me?

You'd loads of people helping you.

Nobody gave a fuck about me.

-I gave a fuck about you.

Well, here, who the fuck was helping me, boy?

-Gerard, Stacey, our cousins.

- Our cousins?

You haven't a clue what happened in that house, do you?

You haven't a fucking clue. You don't have a fucking idea.

Not one fucking notion, boy.

I had to fucking -- I had to beg them.

I had to fucking beg the social workers

to take you out of there. Did you know that?

-I didn't ask you to do it, did I?

-You have no fucking idea, boy.

I'm the only one who ever fucking looked after you.

-I haven't seen you in a year.

-I'm after having a kid, boy.

-Oh, yeah, and what about before that?

-Christy!

-Just the bare edges, Anita, is it?

-Yeah, just a bare trim now, Pauline, today.

Just to keep tidy.

-Just treating yourself? -Yeah.

-How's all the kiddies?

-Ach, they're all grand.

-Got plans for going out?

-Keep your head straight.

One... -Two.

Three, four.

-Let me see you.

Oh, you're lovely.

-You've lovely hair, Christy.

-I don't. -You do.

I love your hair.

-Gorgeous.

-You're a messer.

-Alright, Christy.

Give us a bazzer, will ya?

How much is your one paying you?

-Eight euro an hour.

-Eight euro?

That's not even minimum wage, is it?

-I don't know.

-There's plenty of work out there for a fella like you.

If you know where to look.

What are you doing later?

Big session in my gaff. You should call in.

-I might, alright, yeah.

-Might?

Sure, you're not doing anything.

You having a bit of trouble with Shane?

Someone needs to talk to him, Christy.

You know I used to knock the head off him

when we were younger, and I've no bother doing it again.

Just say the word.

We'll have a carload of boys up to his gaff in two minutes.

You know, you're not a fucking child anymore.

You need to stick up for yourself.

-Christy, um, we should talk.

-Why does everyone want to talk to me all of a sudden?

-Just -- Just be wide of them, Christy, please.

Christy, wait.

Fuck.

-Christy?

Christy?

What's going on?

Where you going with the bag?

-Thanks for everything, Stacey.

-Christy, stop!

-What's going on, Shane? Is he coming or what?

-Hey. What's going on with Christy?

Shane? -How am I supposed to know?

-Did you tell him he had to go?

-The three weeks were up. -God's sake, Shane.

He should be staying with us.

-What? You don't want that. -How do you know?

You don't talk to me about anything.

Why you acting like this? -Acting like what?

-Like you don't give a shit about him.

-I do give a shit about him.

- You're pushing him away.

-I'm doing what's best for him.

-No, you're not, Shane.

You check on her. I'm gonna go look for Christy.

-Oh, girl, girl. Shh, shh.

It's alright, girl.

It's okay, girl.

Shh.

Shh.

It's alright, girl.

It's alright.

-I can't find him anywhere.

-I know where he's gone.

-What are you doing here?

-Jammy invited me.

-Na, fuck this session, boy. Me and you will go out, no?

-Yes, cuz! What's happening?

Come in here, la.

Mam, look who's here.

Mup boys. -Christy boy.

-Squid, throw out a few lines there, yeah?

-Great to have ya back.

-Bate him into next week, boy. Go on, that's it.

No bitches around here. Come on out of that, come on.

-Who's next?

Come on, Troy. Come on, Christy.

Tops off, kid. This is where you get your revenge.

-Get off me, boy.

-Come on, Christy. You gonna hit him another slap?

I'm only messing with you, kid.

Come on. I want to show you something.

Now you pour some out for her.

Go on.

It's mad, isn't it?

That's where we found her.

Your mam.

Happy birthday, kid.

-Fuck you lookin' at?

-Where's Christy?

-Fuck me, boy.

They're all coming out of the woodwork tonight.

What are you doing here?

-What do you mean, what am I doing here?

I'm looking for my brother.

Where is he, Fionnuala?

-Don't talk to her.

Talk to me.

This is my house.

-Where the fuck is he, boy?

Where the fuck is he?

-Since when do you give a fuck about him?

He doesn't want to live with you anymore, Shane.

He wants to stay here.

-Shane. -Shut up, Troy.

-Shane. -Shut the fuck up, Troy.

-He's gone.

Left a while ago.

-What are you gonna do?

-You're nothing, boy.

-Aren't you going to pay respects to your mam?

-She's not here no more, boy.

-Shane.

Try the bonna.

He said something about that earlier.

-Nice one, boy.

-Christy.

Where have you been?

Everyone's worried sick about ya.

-What ya mean?

-Like, Stacey was over at our house and everything,

like, wondering where you were.

Are you just having a shit birthday?

-Suppose.

-Stop. I hate my birthday, too.

Will I let her know you're okay?

Happy birthday, by the way.

- Thanks.

At least someone's here to celebrate it with me.

-Ahoy, Christy boy! -Oh, Jesus Christ.

-Come here, you.

-Happy birthday, bud. Here. I have a present for ya.

-What is it?

-Oh, Jesus Christ, no.

-No, look. -Oh! Fantastic.

-Oh, stop, lads.

-Leona, come on. -I'm singing.

- Oh, shut up.

Jesus.

-Shut up, would ya?

-How's it feel to be 18, boy?

-Same way it feels to be 17.

-Fair fuckin' nuff.

-That's unreal!

-It's fucking shit!

-It's fucking shocking. -Way better than last year.

It's better than Ballincollig's.

At least we have a fire. -I've seen better fires

in my mam's fireplace, for fuck's sake.

-Alright, two of ye shut the fuck up, boy.

-It'll be better next year. -If you say so.

-Oh, that's a fact, boy.

-If you say so.

-You have problems, kid.

Serious fuckin' problems.

-Story, Christy, kid.

-What's happening, Cian, kid?

-Heading off to work? -I am indeed.

-Christy, boy, will you please give me a bazz soon?

- Christy, did you see it?

You have to show him, boy. It's bad.

What -- Oh, my fucking God.

What the fuck did you do to your head?

-Stop laughing at it. -Who the fuck done that to ya?

-Jenny, boy, and it's fuckin' shit.

I won't leave the gaff over it.

-Keep it on, 'cause it looks fucking chronic.

-You'll sort it out when you're back?

-I will. I'll sort it out when I'm back for ya.

See you later, lads.

-See you later, Christy. -G'wan.

-Will you stop fucking laughing at my hair?

-Alright, Shane? Everything okay, love?

-Here for the Christy special.

-Have a seat there so, Shane.

-Alright, boy. -Alright.

-Make sure you charge that fella the full whack now, Christy.

-I will. -No refunds now, Shane.

-My hair looks pure weird now, boy.

-I can tell.

-You doing alright?

-Yeah, I think so.

-You sure?

You'd tell me if you weren't?

-Yeah, yeah.

-You can always stay with us as long as you want.

-Nice one, but...

I think I'm just gonna see how I get on first.

Are you alright?

-I'm good, yeah.

Christy.

Mam would be proud of ya.

-Nice one, Shane.

-Just don't shave a lump out of my head like she did, boy.

-Did she?

-Yeah.

I begged her to shave it all off,

and she just sent me back to school looking like a madman.

-Still traumatised from it, boy.

People started calling me Patch and all.

-She did too much talking, not enough cutting, boy.

-Well, you won't have that problem with me.