Original subtitles

♪ A Netflix Original ♪

♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪

♪ They're coming down south To stay with me ♪

- ♪ Big Moz! ♪ - ♪ Do you love me? ♪

- ♪Yep ♪ - ♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪

♪Jade in the house I've got a lot to say ♪

♪ I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪

♪ Call me Shaka now I'm the, I'm the chief rocker now ♪

♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi Mazzi, that's me ♪

♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪

♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪

♪ It's Family Reunion ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

Hey, Dad. If you turn a heart upside down, it kind of looks like a butt.

It does look like a butt. Look at the booty!

Those are Valentine cookies for Ami's class,

not for making butts.

Moz, make sure he doesn't eat any more.

Okay.

Daddy!

How could you do me like that?

I'm sorry.

- Bad Daddy. - Harder.

Jade, you're awfully quiet.

What are you doing? Because I know it's not homework.

I'm writing a poem for Deon for Valentine's Day.

I thought you liked him.

I think that's nice. What's the poem called?

It's called How Do You Love Jade?

We've been trying to figure that out too. That was a good one.

Yeah. Keep it up and see what happens.

Howdy, folks.

Hey, Elvis. Come on in.

Jade,

I have some bad news.

What is it?

Cherry from my 4-H club asked me to be her valentine.

- I am officially off the market. - Hey!

I'm happy for you, Elvis.

Aww, aren't you a little soldier, keeping up a strong front?

I want you to know it wasn't an easy decision. You're both beautiful.

But Cherry's heifer just gave birth to a two-headed calf,

so she edged you out.

In a cow pageant, you got beaten out by another heifer.

Did you just call me a heifer?

- If the moo fits. Moo! - Stop!

That's it! That's your last chance. You are dead!

Hey! Stop, stop! Jade, go to your room.

Fine!

Don't be too hard on her, Mr. McKellan. She's hurting bad.

But how long did she think all of this...

...would stay single?

I don't know how to respond to that.

What up, party people?

You are looking at the new manager of DeLoatch's,

the trendiest steakhouse in all of Columbus.

Especially now that Sizzler's out of business.

That's the fifth job you've had in six weeks.

Well, you know what they say, Pop. Fifth time's a charm.

Hey, you know we're having a special Valentine's Day dinner tomorrow.

Y'all should come. I could give you the family discount.

Ooh, Shaka, let's take our ladies on a double date.

Hey, cool. Morgan loves discounted food. One of the many things we have in common.

Daniel, how much of a discount are we talking about?

Two percent.

Mm. Well, it's actually 10%, but I pocket the leftover eight.

Mm-hmm. Your boy's got a head for business.

So, wait a minute. You're taking our money?

Well, don't be mad.

A-At least I'm keeping it in the family. That's right.

We building generational wealth.

Generational wealth.

Melly, snowstorms in Chicago are no joke.

I don't think a dogsled is an option.

Yeah, I think it's better if you, uh, stay put.

Yes, yes.

I love you too.

What did M'Dear say?

It's the worst weather Chicago's had in years. The airport is closed.

Oh... wow. I guess there's no telling when she'll be able to come back

from the First Ladies Convention.

- Don't act like you're not happy. - No.

But my stress rash has cleared up since she's been gone.

Coincidence? I think not.

All the years Melly and I were married,

this is the first Valentine's Day that we won't be together.

I'll be your valentine, Grandpa.

Aww.

I'm a lucky guy.

Hey, why don't we go and support Daniel in his new job?

- Nice. Yeah, Cocoa and I are going too. - Honey.

Hm?

Everybody will be out of the house.

Yeah, 'cause we'll all be at the restaurant.

I want the lobster prix fixe meal. Maybe a side of chicken.

No, no, no. Honey, Valentine's Day is like amateur night for couples.

Besides, we can do a lot with an empty house.

Oh! Yeah! Uh, you know what?

You two go on without us. We're gonna stay here and, uh...

Uh...

- Clean. - Yes.

Since everyone will be gone, we are gonna clean.

That's right.

And once we clean, we can get a little dirty.

Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. Oh!

You dirty, gir...

I'm gonna...

♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey! ♪

Dad, can I talk to you?

Sure. What's on your mind?

Don't mind me. I'm listening to my AirPods.

Morgan and I have been official for over a month and a half.

- Okay. - So I think it's time we...

No! No, no! It is not time.

Honey, you're not ready!

And I am definitely not ready. Tell him, Moz. Not until college.

Why don't we let him tell us?

I'm ready, but...

...I've never

kissed a girl before.

Kiss!

- Way to overreact, Moz. - Ow!

Now, honey, are you sure Morgan wants to kiss you?

Remember, you must always, always ask for a young lady's consent.

- Mm. - Tell him, Moz! I have to do everything?

No. Shaka and I discussed it.

Yeah. Morgan and I talked about it a couple of weeks ago

and she gave me the green light,

but my nervousness kind of turned on the red light.

That's understandable. But you'll be fine.

Look, kissing is something you have to learn by doing.

But trust me, practicing is lots of fun.

Here. Use this. You want to make sure your lips aren't dry.

Or your elbows.

Elbows are involved?

No, honey. It's just a good rule to live by.

But...

how will I know when it's the right time?

You'll know. You'll see it in her eyes.

Got it.

Now, which way do I tilt my head?

Do I keep my eyes open or closed? Does someone's lip go on top,

or do we mash our mouths together like we're making guacamole?

- Uh... - I have a great idea.

- Why don't we show you? Right? Okay? - Mm-hmm.

- Put your lips out just like this and... - Mmm.

Yeah, stop, stop, stop! Unless you want me to show you how I throw up.

Ooh, Daniel!

Everything looks smashing.

Yes, Ms. Ginsmore. Now, I can assure you, I have it all together.

Good. I'll check back later.

I'm off to have my beauty nap.

Oh...

I guess I'll be seeing you in five minutes with your already-beautiful self.

Oh...

You scoundrel!

Guilty!

A nice spot, huh?

It's awesome, Shaka. I was expecting Shake Shack.

Before you make me out to be Diddy,

I got help from my Uncle Daniel's discount, my parents, and a Groupon.

I love a man with a little hustle.

Cherry's meeting us here.

I want to be outside to give her these flowers when she arrives.

Right this way.

So...

what do you think, Ms. McKellan?

Delightful.

But just as I thought, we're the best-looking couple here.

We woke up like this.

Flawless.

Oh!

Well, I'm glad you guys could make it. Uh, here.

Let me show you to your table.

Madam.

Too late.

Good help is so hard to find.

You gonna try and take my tips?

Well, if I have to do your job for you, I deserve them.

Now, go put those plates in the prep area.

Pep, pep!

I'm gonna have to take that out your check.

You were the one that told me to hurry! And how did you become manager anyway?

- You don't know what you're doing, Dan. - Uh, "Dan"? "Dan"?

It's "Daniel" to you.

Now, it is clear that you are not respecting my authority,

so if you want to keep your job, I suggest you put some respect on my name.

Okay, Mr. Daniel. Respect this.

No worries. Everything is under control.

♪ What's up? ♪

♪ Wha... What's up? ♪

Moz,

I am impressed.

You turned a porch that usually has dead bugs on it...

- Mm-hmm. - ...into a five-star restaurant.

Well, thank you, baby. You deserve this and more.

Aww.

I love you.

This is beautiful.

Ooh.

Well, here's to an evening without children.

Mm. I second that. I can't remember the last time we were in the house...

Oh, I hate Deon!

...alone.

Uh, honey, what happened?

Well, I read Deon that incredible poem that I wrote him and...

And let me guess. He didn't like it?

I'm so sorry to hear it. Go back and work it out.

- Moz... - No, Mom, he's right. He didn't like it.

He said, "Poetry is what people who forget to give a gift

give to people on Valentine's Day."

Well, that's silly, because you also got him a gift, right?

No.

Jade...

It's not because I forgot.

It's because I thought that my true feelings would be more valuable

than any old gift that anyone can purchase.

I understand, baby.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Here. Give him this 50. That should make him forgive ya.

And if it doesn't, come back in two hours, okay, sweetheart?

Dad, he is the last person I want to spend Valentine's Day with.

Okay. In that case, I'll be taking this back.

I should just go to my room and listen to Billie Eilish on a loop.

- Mm, okay. See you later. - But I don't want to!

- Come here, come here, honey. - Mm-hmm.

We can't let her spend her Valentine's Day alone.

Oh, yes, we can. It'll teach her a lesson about being cheap.

Oh, Moz!

Jade, why don't you join us for dinner?

I guess I could eat.

Okay.

Mm!

Mm! Ooh!

Oh, Dad, what are you having?

I'll tell you what I'm not having. Any more kids.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh ♪

All right. Now, are the lovebirds, plus one, ready to order?

Yes. I'm starving.

Me too.

Oh, hold up. We don't want to be rude. We're waiting for one more.

- Can we please have some bread? - Of course. That'll be $3 extra.

Doesn't bread come with the meal?

Uh, yes, with the meal. À la carte is $3.

Come on, Uncle Daniel.

Ah, yes!

The family discount. Make that $2.50.

Did you try calling Cherry again?

Her phone goes right to voicemail.

Maybe her phone died.

Y-Yeah! It probably ran out of power on her way here,

then she had to go back home to charge it.

But when she got home, some thugs broke into her house.

Probably had to fight them off.

And as soon as she does, I-I'm sure she'll be here.

My exact thoughts.

Um, I need to hit the restroom. She should be here soon.

I feel so bad for him.

Me too. But we shouldn't let that ruin our date.

All right. Bread à la carte.

That's French for "rip-off."

Daniel, you slammed the door on the oven and the soufflés fell.

I was checking on them, and I wanted to make sure the door was closed tight.

Now, don't blame me for your flimsy soufflés.

Ohh, now you're a pastry chef?

I could be. You sprinkle powdered sugar on a cookie and now you're Mrs. Fields?

I can't work like this. Good luck with the bananas flambé.

Everyone, the exit is over here.

You'll need it when he sets the place on fire.

We all know how... 'cause... Oh God.

That boy. M'Dear and I are gonna have to support him for the rest of his life.

What's he gonna do when we're gone?

I don't know. I'm gonna have my hands full with Jade.

I'm sorry this isn't turning out the way I planned.

I'm having fun. I always have fun when I'm with you.

Mmm.

That's some good bread.

So much for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner.

Jade even ate all of the oysters. Is she ever gonna leave?

You invited her. I was gonna let her cry into her pillow.

Yeah. Why do I care so much about my kids?

Ha!

Take that, Deon!

Hashtag "immature boy." Hashtag "kiss my..."

Jade!

"My ring."

I was... I was gonna say, "My ring."

Sounds like things are still bad between you two?

No. We're making progress. By tomorrow, it'll be like tonight never even happened.

I wonder how Shaka's doing on his date.

Oh, he texted me a while ago.

But I ignored it.

Can't be any worse than this.

Oh, no!

Shaka says it's going horribly.

Elvis' date didn't show and now he's a third wheel.

Hmm.

Third wheel...

Oh my God!

Oh my God! The... the wine, the candles, and the old people's romantic music.

Which you told us to turn off.

And the oysters!

Oh! You guys were trying to have a romantic evening.

Yuck! Oh!

You know what? I'm sorry.

Just pretend I'm not here and go back to doing whatever you were gonna do,

that I don't even wanna think about.

I don't know what she's so grossed out about.

Oysters and wine is the reason she's here.

I hope you enjoy your meal.

We made it with love.

- Was everything to your liking? - Yeah.

Okay, great.

That was delicious.

I'm shocked. Daniel did a great job.

Yeah. It was almost good enough to make me forget my valentine is MIA.

Dude, are you all right?

Yeah. I guess Cherry's not comin'.

Doesn't look like it.

I'm sorry, Elvis.

Me too.

I love this song!

So do I.

Go dance. I'll be okay.

Eventually.

Uh-oh.

That looks like the fire dessert the chef warned us about.

Get your coat. We're getting out of here.

I present to you bananas flambé.

- Oh, I didn't order that. - Ah, don't worry. It's on the house.

Wow.

It looks like Daniel's gotten things under control.

Yes. His back was against the wall and he came through. He's a McKellan.

You know, you're right. Sometimes I do forget that.

Can I have this dance?

Jade, what are you doing here? Where's Deon?

Well, we were fighting all night.

We made up.

But I decided that you, my friend,

are too sweet to spend Valentine's Day alone.

You came here just for me?

No, the bananas flambé.

Of course I came here for you.

Shall we?

By all means!

I feel so stupid. I thought Cherry really liked me.

Hey. You're not stupid, Elvis. Hang in there.

You'll eventually meet the right girl who recognizes just how special you are.

Thanks, Jade.

And even though I know our relationship is strictly platonic,

I want you to know you have my consent to kiss me.

Fine, Elvis.

If I'm dreaming, Uncle Daddy, please don't wake me up.

Here.

- To finally... - Mm.

...having private time

with my valentine.

Cheers.

Honey, what are you doing?

Just making sure the romance radar is clear.

And this...

is for you, valentine.

Honey! I thought we weren't exchanging gifts this year to save money.

I know, but I saved up for this.

Aww.

This is such a pretty nightgown. I love it.

I'm glad. And the best part is it's a gift for me too.

Ooh!

Oops. I dropped my napkin.

I'll get it.

Here you go.

Whoa! You're fast.

Sometimes.

That's true.

That was good.

Yep. Maybe we should try again sometime.

I got time right now.

All right. Well, come back soon now.

- Hey, son. - What's wrong? What do you need? More ice?

I-I-I don't need a thing.

I'll admit, when those people quit,

I was concerned that the night might be a disaster.

But you pulled it off.

Oh...

Thanks, Pop. You know I only want to make you proud.

And you have, you have. I can't wait to tell your mother.

But don't worry, don't worry. I took pictures so she would believe it.

Yes!

Ami, did you save any for me?

Oh, Grandpa, I love you too much to let you get chubby.

You are just like your M'Dear.

The kitchen is spotless.

And I see on social media that the customers were happy.

Oh, you've done well tonight, Daniel.

Oh, thank you! Does this mean I have the job permanently, Ms. Ginsmore?

Call me Ursula. And, yes, the job most certainly is yours.

You know, I hired you because I thought you were handsome.

Oh!

Well, that is true.

I got a lot of ideas for marketing.

I was thinking maybe we could open up more tables right by...

Uh, it's getting late.

And dark.

Let's make this a Valentine's Day to remember.

I'm getting scared.

You should be.

Come along.

Uh-uh-uh... Well, I-I need to lock up.

Why don't I meet you in your office in a few?

Sounds good.

Don't make me wait.

Okay.

Feelin' good, though.

Chill, chill, chill.

Well,

it was a good job while it lasted.

Happy V Day. I quit!

Diva out.