Original subtitles

♪ A Netflix Original ♪

♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪

♪ They're coming down south To stay with me ♪

- ♪ Big Moz ♪ - ♪ Do you love me? ♪

- ♪ Yep ♪ - ♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪

♪ Jade in the house, I got a lot to say ♪

♪ I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪

- ♪ Call me Shaka now ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

- ♪ I'm the, I'm the chief rocker now ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me ♪

- ♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪

♪ It's Family Reunion ♪

Keisha, if me and Deon ever break up,

I am only dating Prince Harrys.

Okay, quitting a thousand-year-old monarchy

and a billion dollars for your woman...

Now, that's love.

No, that's stupid.

Without the castle, he's just a broke redhead dude.

Yeah, you got a point.

I guess you could kiss that love goodbye.

Kiss? Who said kiss?

Who said that?

There's no kissing allowed in this school!

Semper fi!

Oh.

Keisha Stewart, the first time I saw you, I thought,

"Wow. Her head blocks the whole blackboard."

I, uh... I mean, not that you have a big head.

I... Well, you sort of do.

But still, I like it.

And... will you go to the Sweethearts Dance with me?

Uh...

No rush or anything. I just don't have the best knees.

This is really sweet, but...

I'm sorry, Shaka.

I just don't like you like that.

Oh... Shaka, come on.

Why wouldn't you check with me before you put yourself out there like that?

Because you would've said that I didn't have a chance in Hades with Keisha.

Exactly.

And now you've robbed me of the chance to say, "I told you so."

Why is everything about you, Shaka?

Tough break, Private.

How about I furlough you to my office for next period?

I got a can of sardines from Desert Storm

that I've been saving for the right occasion.

Sounds good, but I'll pass on the field rations.

Great, more for me. Know what I do to get over a woman?

I go into the jungle, live off the land and wrestle a monkey.

Nothing takes your problems away like getting a baboon in a headlock.

Oh!

I like the decorative touches, Cocoa.

Aw! Thank you.

You know, we appreciate you letting us add some Mozcoa flava to the house.

Get it? "Mozcoa"?

You know, "Moz" and "Cocoa"?

You really have a lot of free time on your hands, don't you?

- Oh. Why are you two so dirty? - We were digging through our storage unit.

And we found a sculpture of me.

Oh, good!

I was afraid we lost it in the move. It's my favorite piece.

Me too. I'm gonna give it to M'Dear.

What? Honey... But... No, no, this is mine.

- But I really want M'Dear to have it. - No, honey, you...

You heard the child, Cocoa.

She really wants M'Dear to have it.

And I know just where I wanna put it.

Right there.

Well, at least we can look at it every day.

Uh...

Okay, but...

- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! - Oh. Okay.

Oh!

I love a heavy gift.

Oh, I know I am just gonna love...

What in the name of Hugh Hefner is that?

It's me inside Mommy's tummy.

We posed 15 hours for this.

Fifteen hours of my life that I'll never get back.

That and $100,000 that I...

I'm sorry. We spent on it.

Yeah, and we also spent a hundred grand on that classic Ducati

that you accidentally backed over in a $200,000 Lamborghini.

Y'all spent all that money,

and you all are staying in my house?

Way to go, Mozcoa!

Okay, fine.

I admit the sculpture is a little pricey.

But it honors our last baby.

Well, you should have had another,

'cause this sculpture looks nothing like you.

- It's how the artist saw us. - Mm.

You know, art is all about interpretation.

Well, he couldn't interpret you with some clothes on?

I think it's tasteful.

I can't believe that part of our parenting journey is over.

Don't worry, Mommy. I'll always be your baby.

Mm.

M'Dear picked a great spot.

Now everybody who comes to the house will see it.

Yeah, everybody.

BLM protest this Saturday. Be there.

Oh, shoot. I can't make it. I have a babysitting job.

I wasn't inviting you, Becky.

This is for the woke, not the joke.

Attention!

Principal Glass?

That's right. I'm your sub for today.

I've been given the glorious assignment of educating you maggots.

Mr. Dodson is on leave 'cause his wife had a baby.

That's the same kind of defeatist attitude as the reason why we lost Vietnam, people.

Now, we're gonna find out what your generation is about, literally.

Your 23andMe DNA reports, I have them.

Ooh, we're finally gonna find out who's really from the motherland

and who's just posing.

This is so exciting.

Like waiting on the paternity results on Maury Povich.

I'm... I'm 40 percent Kenyan!

Lupita Nyong'o's Kenyan.

Lupita could be my cousin.

Wow.

I'm 35 percent Ghanaian and 28 percent Taíno Indian,

straight from the Dominican Republic.

La Reina Afro-Latina ta en la casa!

- What about you, Mikayla? - You already know.

Black on Black on Black. Straight out of the motherland.

Yeah, if the motherland is Ireland.

Ireland?

- Your girl is magically delicious. - Uh-uh. My girl?

That's your girl, French-kissing the Blarney Stone.

I want a refund.

It's obvious they mixed up my results.

The only thing mixed is you, Tupac Shamrock.

Ooh, Mikayla...

that's some shade you would have thrown back when you were Black.

Akini. My sis, what's up?

Didn't you hear? I'm from where you're from.

Maryland?

No, Kenya.

Oh, do you know Lupita Nyong'o?

- Yes! She's at my house right now. - Really?

No.

M'Dear, why did you put our sculpture in the dining room?

I... I just thought that would be a better location.

That way, we can save looking at your nakedness for special occasions.

Well, why was it under the dining table?

It... Oh! Moz!

Boy, look at you. What are you doing here?

I've asked myself the same question.

Hello, people who made me. Hello, me.

Aw!

Ahem!

Hujambo!

You need to watch your mouth in my house, young lady.

Oh. No, M'Dear. Hujambo means "hello" in Swahili.

I found out I'm 40 percent Kenyan, which means we're all Kenyan.

You know, except you, Mazzi. I still think you're adopted.

You're the one who doesn't look like anyone here, Lite-Brite.

No one's adopted.

And I've got the stretch marks to prove it.

I'm gonna go do more research.

Hey, honey.

Shaka, what's wrong?

- He was all the talk at school. - Ah! That's my boy! What were they saying?

- I don't wanna talk about it. - Well, I do.

Shaka got the band and cheerleaders to help him ask Keisha to the dance

in front of the whole school.

Goodness!

In my day, you didn't have to do all of that, you just asked.

And if you were crushing, maybe give her father a chicken.

Shaka, I think what you did was very gallant.

Yeah, but...

she said no!

It's not funny!

No, it's not.

- Hey, you two, upstairs. - Yeah. Not funny and not nice.

Aw! Come here, baby.

I can't be touched.

I'm broken.

Of course. I respect the sovereignty of your personhood.

Well, I don't. Oh, baby!

I wanna be alone.

All right, let's just give him some space.

Moz, I remember your first heartbreak.

Ooh! You just moped around behind that little girl for weeks!

Erika Jennings.

We were in second grade,

but she carried herself like a fourth grader.

- Oh, I remember you telling me about her. - Mm-hmm.

You know, I looked her up on Facebook, and I ain't got nothing to worry about.

Shaka?

Hey, just so you know, I lost my toothbrush, so I used yours.

And it fell in the toilet...

before I flushed it.

Bruh, cheer up!

You need a little Jinji Starr in your life.

She's too light and hopeful.

I'm feeling more like Britney Spears after she shaved her hair off.

No!

Jinji's got a great song about heartbreak with a danceable beat.

It's called "Heartbreak. Let's Dance!"

♪ Heartbreak, let's dance I think it's the end of our romance ♪

♪ Heartbreak, let's dance I think it's the end of our... ♪

What does she know?

She's rich, famous and fine. She's never been rejected.

Well, that's why you need to listen to her.

She sings for the rejects.

Bruh, that's you!

♪ Heartbreak, let's dance I think it's the end of our romance ♪

♪ Heartbreak, let's dance ♪

- Come on, get up. Ooh. - ♪ I think... ♪

♪ Heartbreak. Let's da... ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Ey!

- Ey! - Ooh! Ooh!

Hujambo, my Kenyan sister. I found a recipe for coconut rice online.

I'm good.

Oh. Okay. Well, I mean, could you at least just tell me if I made it right?

Oh!

I am... so sorry that I... that I did that.

- I am so sorry. - No! No problem.

You just got it in my hair, so it will be super easy to get out.

I have this conditioner made from bling. You know, that Kenyan fruit?

Can you stop with the whole pseudo-Kenyan act?

It's called "blighia."

And coconut rice is called "wali."

Did you even bother to learn anything about the Kikuyu, Embu, or Pokomo people?

- Oh, actually... - I said Pokomo, not Pokémon.

Uh...

No, I haven't gotten that far in my research.

Of course not.

You're too worried about your stale rice and fake dashiki.

Your Kenya is like some fantasy land. It's not Wakanda, okay?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Look, I...

I've been in Columbus for over a year, and I still feel so out of place.

I guess I was just excited to feel a part of something significant.

Maybe too excited.

Then you know how I feel. Hmm?

Never quite fitting in because I have a funny name

and a funny accent.

But being Kenyan isn't the most interesting thing about me.

I am also a certified doula who has delivered 29 babies.

Wow! That's incredible.

I was just joking.

Do better, Jade.

Doula. That's funny.

Siri, what's a doula?

Hey, Mikayla.

Are you okay?

Like you care.

In what world is Jade McKellan Blacker than me?

You don't even know what the Three-fifths Compromise is.

Of course I do.

Siri, what's the Three-fifths Compromise?

A racist law that counted only three out of five slaves as people

for the purpose of electoral votes.

What?

That's just horrible.

America had issues.

I know. Racists be trippin'.

Y'all know I don't like to gossip,

but it would be un-Christian of me not to share this news.

Now, Sister Baker,

you know we don't do no he-say-she-say in this house.

So, what do you say?

Sister Carol left Deacon Hall for Brother John.

Ooh!

Oh, that gives a new definition to the term "Holy Roller!"

Maybe I should check on... Deacon Hall.

Oh.

What?

It's the godly thing to do.

Well, be sure you don't wear your freakum dress to do the Lord's work.

- Oh, Lord! - Hey, ladies!

- Oh! Hey, Cocoa. - Hey, lady! How are you?

Uh... Who covered our masterpiece?

I did. We are in here discussing the Word.

- Don't take... - Oh, my Lord.

Ooh.

Put that back on there.

Now, we cannot have all that vulgarity out while we got the Bibles open.

Eh, how is my pregnant body vulgar?

That is between you, your God, your husband, and your OB-GYN.

My goodness!

Those well-defined buttocks.

Scandalous.

They are right!

That is just indecent.

You never said that before.

Well, I didn't wanna hurt Ami's feelings, but I don't care nothing about yours.

- Patty, it's time for us to go. - Mm-hmm.

You ladies just remember,

whatever happens in Amelia's house stays in Amelia's house,

or I'm coming to your house.

- Oh, not a problem. - Oh, I know that. Okay.

Cocoa... it is time you put that false idol in your room.

Oh, I'm happy to move it.

Well, thanks.

After you tell Ami you don't want our gift.

I can't believe you are using my grandchild against me.

That is low.

I learned from the best.

Game recognizes game.

And then, she told me I wasn't her type

and started dating my best friend.

It hurt.

But... son, rejection is a part of life.

It's how you deal with it that's important.

How about I deal with it by skipping town till I'm buff and rich like you?

Well, you know, I try to keep it together.

- You know, 300 push-ups a day... - Not about you, Moz.

Right.

Look...

Shaka, just because you lose the preseason game,

it doesn't mean you won't make it to the Super Bowl.

Take the glasses off, son. I'm sure everybody's forgotten about it.

See? Doesn't it feel good to stand proud?

Oh, no!

Look.

♪ I just, I just, I just don't like you ♪

♪ I just, I just I just don't like you like that ♪

♪ I just don't like you like that I just don't, I just don't ♪

♪ Sorry... Sorry, Shaka... Shaka ♪

Okay.

Put your glasses on... Let's get out of here.

Hurry up! Hurry up! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

No!

Ow! Ooh!

Jesus!

And that's why traditional Irish dance is...

important to the culture.

All right. Um...

Yeah, thank... thank you, Mikayla.

That was, uh...

what it was.

Up next, Jade.

Good afternoon, people of the world.

Oh, take me now, Lord.

There are 30 different ethnic groups in Kenya,

but they all consider themselves Kenyan,

just like how our ancestors came from different places, but we're all American.

Even now, people will try and use race and religion and class to divide us,

but we must pull together,

which in Kiswahili

is "harambee."

Okay.

Maybe you can be invited to the cookout.

Mikayla... no one should make fun of your heritage.

I mean, don't y'all forget,

all African-Americans come from mixed ancestry.

And I also learned from my background research

that being different is our strength.

Let's lean into that.

Yeah!

- Thank you. - Whoo!

Great presentation, Private.

You know, being a teacher's a thankless job,

but when you have smart and dedicated...

I'm out. Good luck to you guys.

Hut!

Shaka! Everyone is talking about you again!

Again? They never stopped.

Dude! You are, like, the luckiest guy in the world.

What are you talking about? My life sucks.

Everyone in town knows that I was rejected.

And now everyone in the world knows that Jinji Starr thinks you're cute!

What?

Hi, Shaka!

Your invite to the Sweethearts Dance

was epic!

I know it may not have turned out the way you wanted it to,

but, hopefully, her loss is my gain.

Will you go to the Sweethearts Dance with me?

And if you're gonna say no, please DM me privately.

Wow!

Bruh... this is huge!

I know.

Dude, where are you going?

To make sure big-head Keisha knows that Jinji Starr thinks I'm cute.

Hey, Principal Glass! Jinji Starr thinks I'm cute!

Y'all ready? Here I come.

Ooh!

Honey, you look devastatingly handsome.

Are you sure? 'Cause there's still time to change.

Oh. Right. Doesn't matter what I wear.

Jinji Starr thinks I'm cute.

Okay, I told Deon to meet us at the dance, since, you know,

I'm planning on going with you and Jinji in her limo.

I think you need to come up with some new plan.

Bro, you know I love her. I gotta get at least one picture.

One, for all of you.

Jinji and I don't want to be bothered by groupies all night.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but if you don't get me a selfie...

I'm embarrassing you bad.

You, M'Dear, are always the exception.

Oh, thank you, baby.

The limo's here!

The door is opening.

Jinji's getting out.

Jinji's on the porch.

Jinji's knocking!

All right. Everyone, calm down.

Jinji is a normal person, just like the rest of us.

What up?

Got mine.

- Hi. I'm Jinji. - Hi.

Hi. I am so sorry. My husband's so embarrassing.

- Wow! Your teeth are incredibly white. - Oh, thank you!

Ooh.

Hi, Jinji.

Let me apologize for these people who I'm related to.

- I love you. - Oh.

Oh, honey...

- All right, we're done. We're good. - Just get out.

We're good.

All right. Okay.

- Say, uh, "TikTok don't stop!" - Okay.

- TikTok don't stop! - TikTok don't stop!

Ooh, my... my eye looks weird. Let's just retake that.

Oh, baby, that's just the way you made.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm M'Dear. And Shaka said you love this dulce le...

Uh, uh... She means dulce de leche.

Mm.

Mm!

I do!

And I thought my abuela made the best.

- Don't tell her I said that. - Oh, no, I would never do that.

But this would be a great story to share on Kimmel.

What an amazing sculpture!

It's me inside Mommy's tummy.

Aw!

Oh, my gosh!

- My sculpture! - I didn't even touch it! I'm so sorry!

Oh, it's okay!

I mean, this global warming mess... It's shaking up everything.

First, the ice caps, now this. Ooh!

Jinji, thanks again for taking pity and going to the dance with me.

No, no pity, Shaka.

You're a great guy.

I had a really good time tonight.

Psst! This is it! Shaka's first kiss! Come on! Come on!

Well, thanks for doing all this.

- Hope we can keep in touch. - Yeah, of course.

Oh, I can't watch!

Moz, grab the camera.

- You get it! I don't wanna miss this. - No!

Jinji, you want some more "dula" leche?

Yes, please, M'Dear!

Man, why would she want dulce de leche when she got this chocolate right here?

Diva out.