Original subtitles

I hate missing my favorite show.

[grunts]

-[man] Who are you? -We're the guys who save the world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, guys.

[hisses]

-Don't hurt her. -[Dean] You're married? To a werewolf?

[growls]

Garth?

You still think that you're the hero of the story.

-[Sam] We'll take Chuck down. -That's exactly what we're gonna do.

-No. -Oh, that was just the beginning.

No. This is the rest.

[cheering]

Come on.

Yeah! Come on! Come on!

Yeah!

Come on!

Yeah!

[snarling]

[roars]

[Debussy's "Claire De Lune" playing]

[muted audio]

[smoke alarm beeping]

Oh, no. Oh, great.

[coughing]

-[Dean] Hey, Teddy. -Hey.

-What's new? -Uh, my psoriasis is back.

Oh.

Forty thirty-two.

Hmm? Um, right.

-There you go. -Thank you.

[machine beeping]

Okay. Okay.

[shouts] Hot.

[machine beeping]

-Uh, declined. -What?

No, no, no. That's--

That card's worked for, like, five years.

Sorry.

Ah!

Seriously?

Thanks, Teddy.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Sammy!

[Sam] Dean?

Hey. Just--

Was that a trip?

Yeah. Weird.

A lot of that going on. In town, I just got a parking ticket.

Because you always park

-in front of that fire hydrant? -No.

I mean, yes. Okay, l park there every time. I never get a ticket. All right?

Oh, and, uh...

this...

doesn't work.

-The card Charlie hacked, the one-- -Supposed to be our no-more-hustling,

always-working, Golden Ticket. Nothing.

-Weird. -That's what I'm saying.

[sneezes]

Are you getting sick?

I don't know. Maybe.

Oh, and dinner's--

[sneezes]

Man, this day. I'm telling you.

What is next?

[cell phone ringing]

It's Garth.

-Hey, Garth. -Hey, Dean. It's Garth.

I, uh, need your help.

I'm telling you, man, we're cursed.

We're not cursed, Dean. We're just having a bad day.

No. No, no, no. This is more than just a no-good, very-bad day. Okay?

Chuck must have boned us before he left.

Or maybe some of that crap you brought back from Rowena's went sideways.

Because this, I mean-- [scoffs]

This is not normal.

Oh.

Yeah, gross.

-Dude. -Sorry.

Look, just-- Okay, listen.

Cass is in heaven, seeing if they know where Chuck went or anything.

Oh, yeah, because angels, they're always really happy to help.

And I'm sick, and you got a ticket. It happens. We'll deal.

-We-- We'll-- -[engine sputtering]

-What's going on? What are you doing? -I don't know.

No, no, no. Baby, don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. No, no, no. No, baby.

-Baby, please don't do this. -Seriously?

Oh, come on.

[starter chugging]

[starter continues chugging]

Yeah. Normal.

[Garth] Who's Daddy's big boy?

Here comes the airplane.

[Garth chuckles and mimics airplane engine]

Come here, little bite.

There we go, buddy. lt's good.

Isn't that so good?

Hey, Sammy.

Open wide.

Here comes the airplane.

Oh, yeah, that's good stuff, isn't it?

[Gertie & Garth chuckle]

You got me, you little stinker.

But Daddy was prepared this time.

[doorbell rings]

-Uh, Gertie. -Yeah.

-You watch the boys? -Sure.

Thank you.

[doorbell rings]

-Is that them? -It's gotta be.

Hey. There they are.

Come in.

-Hey, Garth. -Hey.

-Come here, you-- -Oh, I'm sick. Sorry.

Oh.

You, uh--

-Still a hugger, huh? -You know it.

You smell so good.

And we're done.

What took you guys so long?

Yeah. We had to walk.

Yeah. Car broke down about 1 0 miles back. I think it's the plugs.

Really?

-Yeah, we're having a super normal day. -Well, no worries, we'll fix you up.

[Gertie] Daddy.

The twins are still hungry.

Be right there, baby. Come on. Come back meet the kids.

-You've got more kids? -Oh, yeah.

Got a couple of pups.

So this is my daughter Gertie. Gertie, say hi to Daddy's friends.

-Hi. -Hi.

And these are the twins.

This is Sam.

I, uh, sort of named him after you.

Wow, that's, uh...

Wow.

That means this one must be...

[Garth] Castiel.

Yeah.

Um... [clears throat]

You said there was something wrong with your cousin?

Oh, not mine, Bess's.

He's, uh-- Well, I think you should see for yourself.

[Bess] I tried to wake him, but he's in and out.

He's hurt pretty bad.

This dude's a werewolf?

Pure-blood. Like me.

-[Sam] So, what happened to him? -We're not sure.

Cops found him down around Saint Cloud in Minnesota.

[Dean] Those look like knife wounds.

That's what the cops thought too, but they're not.

They're from a wraith.

Brad-- Whoever did this to him thought he was dead

and they dumped him in a swamp. But he somehow managed to climb out.

And the cops found his body by the road.

And Bess has been looking after him. But why would a wraith go after a wolf?

When he comes to, we'll ask him.

Son of a--

-Sorry. l'm, uh-- -Sick.

-Yeah. -I know.

Come with me. I've got something for you.

You know, I've gotta say, aside from pincushion in there,

this is pretty nice.

Yeah. Better than I ever thought I'd get.

I mean, hunting, I figured l'd be dead before l'm 40.

You know, go out young and pretty.

But now l've got a great wife, great kids.

I guess sometimes things work out.

Yeah, sometimes.

It's good, man. You deserve it. You do.

-Thanks, man. -Yeah.

-What's up with your teeth? -What?

Your teeth, they hurt, right?

A little.

A lot.

-Since when? -Since yesterday.

All right, come on.

-What? -Come on.

What are we doing?

Garth, what are we do--?

[chuckles] No.

You know what? l'm good.

Get in the chair, Dean.

You're very strong.

What--

Uh, you know, you really don't have to--

This is my daddy's secret recipe.

Cure everything and anything.

-What's in it? -What part of "secret" don't you understand?

[Dean] Garth, you're not a dentist.

Oh, yes, l am. I was getting my degree when the whole hunter thing happened,

and then I, you know...

Killed the tooth fairy?

She had it coming.

Anyway, after l left hunting, I went back to school, got my degree.

Now l've got a good little practice going.

There.

It's not like all the wolves around here can go to a regular doc.

And with all the cow hearts we eat, heh, fang maintenance is a B.

You've got to floss all the time.

Yeah. Actually, it's not too, uh--

-Oh, God. -I will tell you, it's mostly cayenne pepper.

What? Oh, God.

Mommy, the giant's crying.

[Garth] There.

[groaning]

[grunting]

Everything is burning.

[crying]

-[Garth] Open wide. -Mm-mm.

Come on, buddy.

Here comes the airplane.

-When was the last time you saw a dentist? -I don't know. Never.

[babies crying]

All right.

I do see a few cavities.

-How many? -Seventeen.

-What? -But don't you worry.

Because l've gotcha.

How do you think l feel?

[Garth] Here we go.

You're gonna be fine.

-What's this? -Dean,

-I'm doing this for your own good, buddy. -Okay.

I'm okay.

Big Sam is okay. Okay.

Here we go.

Just let the gas do its thing.

Deep breaths.

Everything's fine.

Yeah.

Here you go.

[lrving Aaronson's "Let's Misbehave" playing]

♪ We're all alone, no chaperone Can get our number ♪

♪ The world's in slumber ♪

♪ Let's misbehave ♪

♪ There's something wild about you, child That's so contagious ♪

♪ Let's be outrageous ♪

♪ Let's misbehave ♪

♪ When Adam won Eve's hand He wouldn't stand for teasin' ♪

♪ He didn't care about no apples Out of season ♪

♪ They say the spring means just one thing To little lovebirds ♪

♪ We're not above birds ♪

♪ Let's misbehave ♪

Hey, slugger. You're all done.

You did good.

[moans]

Kids are finally asleep.

How are you feeling?

Uh...

Better, actually.

I told you.

Yeah. Hey.

Where have you been?

Getting my teeth fixed.

I had to numb him up. He'll be fine in an hour.

What?

Okay. Seriously...

what is going on here?

-What do you mean? -I mean, apparently

Dean's never been to a dentist before, and suddenly he's got a mouth full of cavities.

You're sick, and your car's broken down.

Who did you guys piss off?

God.

I'm sorry, what?

[Sam] Yeah.

[Bess] God?

"The" God is trying to kill you?

Well, trying to make us kill each other.

So he's a writer, and you've basically been the heroes of his story?

I guess, yeah.

Huh.

Well, what's that make me? A supporting character? A special guest star?

-No, Garth, it's not like that-- -Oh, no, no, no. I wanna be the guest star.

Being the hero sucks.

I mean, sure, you'll probably win eventually, but until you do, your life blows.

Your parents get gunned down in an alleyway. Your home planet gets blown up.

You interview this good-looking rich guy, and it doesn't go well,

so he shows up at the hardware store where you work, and it starts to get, you know.

It's from-- We love Fifty Shades.

Yeah, we do.

[Garth chuckles]

Who's the hero in that?

[Garth] No, no, no. The point is the hero thing, it's not fun.

There are some good things about it.

Like, when was the last time that Batman got a flat tire?

Or Superman couldn't pay his water bill?

Or the power goes out in the Red Room?

Exactly.

See, a hero never sweats the small stuff.

It slows down the story.

[Sam] So then what happened?

Chuck downgraded us?

-Maybe. Yeah, and now you're-- -[muffled] Cursed.

Cursed.

-Cursed. -No. Normal.

For the first time in your life, you're having normal people problems.

You need to get a colonoscopy, stat.

What?

So how do we fix this?

I don't know.

[Brad] Bess?

Bess?

-Who are they? -They're friends.

Like hunter friends?

Brad, they're cool.

-Now, tell us what happened to you. -I fell down the stairs.

Brad, listen, we don't care that you're a werewolf,

but you got attacked by a wraith, which is really weird.

Now, we're just trying to understand what happened.

So help us. Please.

Wow.

I mean, wow, that-- With the furrowed brow and the puppy eyes? Did you see that?

That never actually works for you, does it?

[Brad grunts]

Answer the question.

Okay.

There's a place monsters go. They fight for money.

Money, like real money?

Hey, I can talk.

Good for you.

Yeah, real money. Okay. They pay to watch it, live-stream it on the dark web or whatever.

Wait a second. So you--?

Yeah, l needed the cash.

I got three baby mommas. l got bills.

This place, where is it? I know you don't wanna tell us, but--

Belgrade, Minnesota.

Old warehouse off Peach Street.

Well, that was easy.

Yeah, well, a lot of fangs in there.

You know, I figure, you two walk in, they're gonna rip you to pieces.

[Brad yells]

Get-- Really?

I don't think you should go.

Garth, we don't have a choice.

That many freaks in one place? You know they're dropping bodies.

The old Sam and Dean, they could've handled this, no problem.

-But you guys... -Can't?

Hey. Look, just because God yanked the magic horseshoe out of our ass or whatever

doesn't mean that we're gonna give up. This is our job.

It's what we do.

Yeah, it might be a little harder right now, but so what?

Bring it.

What he said.

-All right. Then I'm coming too. -No, no, no. No. Garth, come on.

You got a family. You got a life.

If something went wrong, and right now, with us,

everything's going wrong.

We're not doing that to Bess, to the kids.

Okay, you're right. Well, at least let me get you a new set of spark plugs.

Yeah.

Deal.

Isolated, run-down.

Yeah. lf l was to do a Monster Bloodsport, this should be perfect.

Oh. Man.

Bess makes the best grilled cheese.

Yeah. You ate like seven of them.

Well, I'm a growing boy.

-Let's go. -Wait, wait, wait.

-What? -Dean.

Extra rounds, dead man's blood, first aid kit, emergency flares.

Seriously?

Dude. If Garth was right, if we're really normal now,

we can't just charge in there guns blazing.

We need to be ready for anything.

Well, then l guess we'll need a grenade launcher.

Hey, sweetheart.

I don't think we've used that .38 in about four years.

[shouting]

Welcome to Fight Club.

I--

Did you forget how to walk?

[stomach gurgling]

-Oh. -What was that?

[Dean groans]

Not good. That--

-You okay? -Yeah.

Oh, God.

[stomach continues gurgling and groaning]

I gotta go.

I gotta-- l gotta go.

-What? -Bathroom. Bathroom.

Bathroom.

Dean?

Dean.

You know, I think you might be lactose intolerant now.

[Dean grunting]

[Dean] l'm okay--

[Dean vomiting and grunting]

Sam? Sammy?

Oh, please just kill me now.

Can do.

I can't believe they got the drop on me.

I didn't even hear them coming.

Yeah, well, l got jumped while l was in the crapper, okay? l win.

Normal? Sucks.

[door opens]

Sam? Dean? Can I get you anything?

Water? Hot towel?

Who are you?

Cutty. This is my place.

Oh, so all this chain link, razor wire and rat crap is yours, huh? Well, congrats.

So now you know me and l know you. We're like friends.

You keep all your friends in a cage?

Only the ones l really like.

All right. So, what are you? A monster?

I am.

-Shifter. -[Dean] Shifter?

So you chose that face?

But l don't let my gifts define me.

See, more than anything, l'm a sportsman.

See, to me, man, monster,

they're at their best, their most pure, in the heat of competition.

-Right. -Yeah, sure, l could've killed you, but, no,

I wanna see your best.

I wanna see what the Winchesters are capable of.

Stripped down, closed in, just you against the world.

Or Maul here.

Maul? That--

Maul? Come on, man, what's your real name huh?

Marvin? Marion?

Murder.

[growls]

So you want us to fight?

Obviously.

Together, though. I don't wanna break up the team.

You sure about that?

Because if you know us, you know the stories.

See, me and my brother here, we've taken down way bigger fellas than, uh, Meredith here.

We've killed angels, killed demons, gods, and alphas.

So why don't you do yourself a favor? Cut your losses, let us walk out that door

before we burn this craphole to the ground.

Yeah, no.

Maul will show you to your rooms.

[announcer] Tonight, two of fight night's biggest rivals will face off in the ring again.

Killer Wraith versus Jamaica Djinn.

Who will claim victory?

And who will suffer defeat?

And then, in this ring, the mighty Maul returns.

And this time, he'll take on the merciless Winchesters.

Get ready for a battle royale.

[chattering]

[announcer] All right, all right.

Fighters, to the ring.

[rock music playing over speakers]

There are a lot of people-- Monsters. --out there.

Awesome. Yeah, it's just how l wanted to die, with a fricking audience.

[announcer] Fight!

What are you doing?

Come on, baby, come on, come on.

[laughs]

I'm picking the lock.

[audience shouting and cheering]

-I can't get it. -What?

Ow. Broke a nail.

Here. Let me do it. Here. Come on.

We do this all the time.

What the hell?

Frigging normal.

That's what.

Oh, come on.

So could we ever actually pick locks or was it Chuck this whole time?

If we can't do this, how the hell are we supposed to take

Supervamp out there?

I don't think we can.

[Dean] No way.

I mean, after everything, there's no way that Chuck lets us die like this.

Or he does, to-- I don't know, to teach us a lesson.

Or maybe we just end up paralyzed.

No, we gotta win.

We gotta win, man.

It's not gonna be easy, okay?

But you and me, not everything we did was because of Chuck.

It was us.

The blood, the sweat, the tears, man, that's us.

We've been doing this our whole lives.

We're the best in the world.

So I say we go out there, I say we go out there and we kick some ass.

[bell rings]

[rock music playing over speakers]

[announcer] Your winner, Djinn!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the main event.

Your first fighter, weighing 31 0 pounds,

the mighty Maul!

[roars]

And his opponent--

Sorry, opponents.

Straight out of Lawrence, Kansas.

You know them, you don't like them.

The Winchesters!

[audience booing and jeering]

It's time.

Oh, and boys? Shirts off.

Damn it.

[Dean coughing]

I think a bug went in my throat.

Oh, freaking normal.

Your winner, Djinn!

Dean? Dean.

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the main event.

-Garth? -Yo.

-What are you doing? -I tried to call. When you didn't pick up,

-I figured you were super boned. -Yeah. We're super boned.

Come on. Get us out of here.

-Hurry. -[announcer] Opponents.

Straight out of Lawrence, Kansas.

You know them, you don't like them. The Winchesters!

You are so strong.

Let's roll.

He's so strong.

It's time.

Oh, and boys? Shirts off.

Damn it.

Come on, we gotta get somewhere.

We gotta regroup, we gotta come up with a plan.

-[Sam] Garth. -What are you doing? We gotta get out of here

-before the Monster Squad shows up. -I got a plan.

What?

The Monster Squad were the good guys.

We're the Monster Squad.

C-4, a hunter's best friend.

Cool, right?

-Thanks, Garth. -[laughs]

All right. Bring it in.

-Well, I, uh-- -[growling nearby]

No way.

Go. I've got this.

Garth?

[growls]

Hey, did you believe me when l said I thought we could win this?

-No. -Yeah, me neither.

Bring it on, Madison.

[Maul chuckles]

This was fun. [chuckling]

[Dean gasping]

Fun.

[growls]

He got Garth'd.

[laughs]

So weird, it hurts in my stomach, it's not even-- It's like up here. lt's like where my ribs are.

I don't know why.

Did my voice get higher?

This Cass keeps looking at me weird.

So kind of like the real Cass. [chuckles]

I packed you some of those grilled cheese sandwiches you love.

Oh.

Oh, thanks.

[growling faintly]

Uh, I think this guy has got a little something for you.

[Sam] Yeah.

We better go. Yeah.

-Okay. -Bye.

I'll walk you out.

-Okay. -Bye, guys.

-[Bess] Bye. -Bye.

Hey. Listen, Garth, l just wanna say, what you did--?

-Ah, it was nothing. -[Sam] Nothing?

You saved us and blew up a bunch of monsters.

-That's not nothing, that's-- -That's being a hero.

[chuckles]

Guess l learned from the best.

You guys gonna be okay?

Why, because we're normal?

That, and because the Almighty's after you.

Right, yeah. Um, l, uh...

We don't know.

Listen, l was gonna say this earlier, but there might be something that can help.

-What kind of something? -I heard this story once,

about this place you can go if your luck's gone bad.

-What kind of place? -Not sure.

The guy who told me said it was in Alaska, on the road between Barrow and Kotzebue.

He said you'll know it when you see it. Whatever that means.

Look, it might not even be real, and you know how this stuff works.

There's always a catch.

And being normal, I mean, maybe you'll get used to it.

Yeah. Maybe.

Anyway...

if you ever need anything.

We know.

Good.

Thanks for everything.

All right, Garth.

[sniffing]

You know what? You don't smell too bad yourself.

Thanks. lt's Hai Karate.

Okay.

Stay safe out there.

You too.

[Warren Zevon's "Werewolves in London" playing]

♪ l saw a werewolf With a Chinese menu in his hand ♪

♪ Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain ♪

♪ He was looking for the place Called Le Ho Fook's... ♪

You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

You were awesome at the Macarena.

Yeah.

So...

what now?

I don't know. I mean, Garth's right, stuff like that, there's always a downside.

And being normal...

Is fine.

For normal people with normal problems.

But you and me? There's zero about our lives that's normal.

And the way things are going, if we don't fix this,

we might kill each other by accident.

Yeah.

And if--

When Chuck comes back, we can't go up against him like this.

So, uh...

Alaska?

Alaska.

[engine sputtering]

[Dean] Son of a bitch!