Original subtitles

No.

This is Los Angeles, California, third largest city in the USA,

home of seven million people.

About half of them are women.

The rest are men.

This is Olvera Street, the city's original thoroughfare, a Los Angeles

and tourist attraction.

Through preservation and restoration,

Olvera Street is much the same as it was 150 years ago.

It's always been a skin game.

Move along, you creep. You're holding up the line. Like everyone else, you have

to pay your taxes. I cannot pay. I've had a bad year.

They want my

last peso.

I have no money. And now they want to take my miserable hovel, my cow, my half

acre of land, and my daughter.

still pedro we have no money either all right you people it's april

15th you all know

without a centavo.

I pay, I pay.

Ah, Chico, how are you and your two lovely daughters today?

We are all fine, Senor Alcalde. I'm glad to hear that, Chico. Then you won't

mind paying your taxes, eh? Two hundred and fifty pesos.

Por favor.

I cannot pay that amount. I will not pay that amount. I'll kill you first, you

thieving bastard.

What can we do?

Oh, the horror of it all.

Since your father cannot pay his taxes, you girls must pay. However, we will let

you work it off.

Sergeant Lacio, take charge of these two tasty wenches and collect 250

pesos, plus a fine of 50 pesos for disturbing the feast.

300 pesos?

They'll be 45 years old by the time they pay it.

That's enough of this nice guy shit.

Father in heaven, help us.

Somebody help us.

Alejandro, this cannot go on.

We may be next.

Get that body out of here.

Next.

Vincenze. Two hundred pesos.

Luis Bonsario and Esteban Velasquez make a mockery of all that is good and right

in the glorious colonies of old Spain.

Do you know where every peso of that tax money goes?

Into the pockets of Luis and Esteban, that's where.

Thank you very much. Next!

How sweet it is.

Manuel Villa, 200 pesos.

What a score those bums are making.

And I have heard what happens in Bonasaria's offices.

He and...

seduces virgins. He entices faithful wives into adultery. They...

They even have orgies.

Esteban commands the Presidio. He has the entire garrison behind him.

He and Luis work hand in glove to rob, rape, and pillage our people.

We... We are too old to take up swords to avenge these wrongs.

The peons, they...

They have no training in fighting.

Fifty pesos, my friend, Cristina.

Fifty pesos.

Snack!

Alejandro, what can be done?

My son Diego.

He's been at the Military Institute Madrid for the last four years.

The Commandante has written me.

Diego is the greatest swordsman and horseman in all of Spain.

I will write to him and he will come home to California.

Yes. Yes!

That is the answer. I knew you would think of something. You must write him

today, Don Alejandro, because tomorrow a ship leaves for Spain. Yes.

Yes. Come. Come.

All right, ladies.

You don't want me to have to use this on you, do you? It would be a shame to

mark up such beautiful bodies.

Now, the commandant will be here in a few minutes.

So, as we say in Spanish, get your clothes on.

Choice.

Choice.

I may even say Prime and Commandante. They are both versions.

We shall see, Sergeant.

We shall see.

I think I'll take this one, Sergeant.

What's her name?

Her name is Rosita, Commandante.

If what Sergeant Lacio says is true, consider yourself fortunate, my little

chili pepper, that Captain Esteban Velazquez is your first man.

Nice to see you have everything in hand, Sergeant.

Wait till she finds out his saber is bent.

Always. That's the way it is in the army. The commandant gets first choice.

But you, my little tamale, are going to get to entertain Sergeant Aletheolatio.

You can call me Phil. No, please.

I'm a virgin.

Virgin? Please. I believe it.

But when you do what I want, darling, you'll still be a virgin.

is just a swallow.

Just one swallow came back to Capistrano this year.

Here they come!

The California cockerel's in the lead.

Ten pesos says he win.

Here I bet.

Well, he's done it.

Pay up.

Lieutenant Rodriguez isn't going to like this.

He thinks he's the best horseman in all of Spain.

Well, at least now he has a rival in Diego de Vega.

Si, but who do you think is the better swordsman?

In a duel or in bed?

Bravo, Diego.

San Diego, the Capitano wants to see you in his office immediately.

Damn, now what?

Whose heart did you break this time, Diego?

Broken hearts don't bother me. It's the parts that can't be mended that cause

the most trouble.

Tell the comandante I'll be there in a minute.

I want to buy a little gift for Lolita for the party tonight, but now there

won't be time.

Ah, don't worry about the eternal virgin Lolita. Put something in a box and

she's happy.

But I wonder why in the name of heaven she keeps pretending she's a maiden.

Woman's folly, my friend.

Woman's folly.

I'll be with you in a moment.

You want to see me, Commandante?

Now, see, I have something for you here.

It's a letter from your father.

A letter?

From my father?

My dearest son.

Our fine community is being raped by the new Alcalde.

Our women, too.

Come home at once. We need your help to stamp out this heel.

It's signed, Father.

Sir, I must return to help my people.

May I have your permission to leave the academy until these renegades are

eliminated?

Yes, of course, of course.

We'll miss you, but I understand.

I give my regards to your father.

We'll see you.

Gracias.

I'll leave first thing in the morning.

Good luck.

Over here.

Pablo. Manuel. We heard.

So instead of a party to celebrate Lolita's becoming a fallen woman,

Los Angeles is really so bad.

Terrible occurring to my father.

Terror, villainy, rape.

Let's forget about all that for now.

It's supposed to be a party, to wine.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

Marvelous exhibition, Diego.

But I don't think you really know anything about women or love me.

Oh.

You, who walks around in women's clothing when you think no one is

talks to me about women.

Lovemaking? How dare you?

I demand an apology at once.

Fuck off.

On guard.

We shall be a fight to the finish.

Look, Rodriguez.

This whole thing is ridiculous.

This is a party.

Join us if you like.

There's plenty of everything to go around.

Get your sword up Diego.

We'll see who the better man is.

I never met a man who wanted to die as much as you do.

I'll kill you and cut them off for souvenirs.

Take your best shot, Rod.

Next time, don't wave your sword at someone who has a superior weapon and

how to use it.

go so soon yes i have to be on my way to california early in the morning

adios

Martinez family is already the ninth family that has fled Los Angeles for

City to evade the taxes imposed on them by this vermin, Luis Buenos Aires.

And on the Sabbath, those that come to church, the sadness in their faces, oh,

the misery of it all.

Don Alejandro, this cannot go on.

Diego, my son.

Diego. Diego.

It is so good to have you home again.

It's good to be home, Father.

You remember Don Manuel?

Don Manuel.

My father's dearest friend. How are you? Fine, fine. Thank you. And your wife,

Doña Emilia?

Oh, she's fine, too. The family. Your son, Corrito.

Fine, fine. Look how thick and strong he got.

Of course you remember your beloved teacher and priest, Fray Felipe.

Fray Felipe.

Next to my dear father, you are the man I have respected and loved most in this

whole world.

Ah, Diego, what a splendid person you have turned out to be. How proud I am

I was your first instructor.

Heaven will surely reward you for answering your father's call on this

need.

So tell me, who was doing what to whom?

You went to study in Spain.

Aye. Donald Alejandro Vega.

Good, just, and well -liked alcalde of Los Angeles.

A position I held for many years with great honor.

Then one terrible day, this slimy Luis Bonisario arrived in our city

and proclaimed himself the new alcalde.

But how could this happen?

An appointment. The governor himself.

Signed, sealed, and legal.

And to back his appointment came the henchman.

Capitan Esteban Velasquez and Sergeant Filippo Lascio, along with a score of

battle -trained soldiers.

But why didn't you write the governor and ask why such a person was appointed

your place?

I did many times.

And he has never answered those letters.

Obviously, one of two things has happened.

These scoundrels are even tampering with the mail.

Or... Or?

The governor himself is a thief.

Diego, with taxes what they are, it won't be long before Buenos Aires owns

of Los Angeles.

Already some of our wealthy friends have had to sell out to him. And now he even

wants to tax the mission lands.

This is why your father sent for you. The comandante of the military academy

wrote your father and said you were the greatest horseman and swordsman in all

of Spain.

Oh, my son, how proud I am of you.

Diego, maybe you could form an army and wipe out this Buenos Aires.

Wherever I recruit an army, father, the peons...

No, that would take too long a time. We must act immediately.

What shall we do?

You will carry on as if nothing has happened.

Tomorrow I will visit the Spoonisario and Velazquez at the Presidio in person.

What can you possibly do alone?

Bless you, son.

Well, one can try, can't one?

And now, Papa, Don Manuel, and dear Fray Felipe.

I am literally exhausted from the journey.

You'll excuse me if I go beddy -wise?

Oh, and Don Manuel, please give my very, very best to your son, where he's

going. Tell him I'll be seeing him soon?

These military schools can do funny things to a boy.

Nothing but bills, bills.

Nothing but fucking bills. I think tomorrow we're going to raise the taxes,

Esteban, eh?

I am Don Diego de Vega.

I wish to see the Alcalde.

One moment, senor.

One simply must have a parasol to protect one's delicate complexion from

burning rays of the sun.

Si, senor.

Don Diego de Vega to see the Alcalde.

Send him in.

Send him in.

The Alcalde will see you now.

Thank you.

You are very kind.

Your Excellency, I am Don Diego de Vega.

Don Alejandro Vega's son.

Ah, Don Diego, how nice it is to meet you.

Yes, well, Don Diego, I thought that you were in Spain yet at school.

I've had enough of schools, Your Excellency.

I was lonesome for my family, my friends.

I told them to be quiet, but obviously they've had too much wine.

Oh, such fine plumage. Whose closet did he come from? Graciela,

don't be impertinent. This is Don Diego de Vega, son of the former alcalde.

Show some respect.

And I thought I told you to wait for me inside.

Oh, well, it got too hot and we couldn't wait.

Don Diego, forgive us for being so rude, but you've arrived at a most

inopportune time. As you can see, we have some unfinished business to attend

You needn't apologize, Commandante. I understand perfectly.

We can meet again.

Before I leave, though, I wonder if you'd be kind enough to tell me who is

tailor?

How exquisite.

Yes, you are obviously a man of good taste.

I do hope we can meet again soon.

Oh, by the way, Comandante, have you seen this one?

Don Diego, you must excuse us.

We would invite you to join us for the evening, but I'm afraid we don't know

where to find someone to suit your proclivity, eh?

Of course.

Another time, Excellency.

You do have the most beautiful things, Comandante.

Hasta mañana.

That faggot!

Talking to me that way.

I'll give him three feet of cold steel.

He must know you, Esteban, dear.

After all, you do have the most beautiful things.

We'll have no trouble from him, eh, Esteban?

Are you still hot, my little chicken?

Si. And I think there are some things that you should take care of personally.

As for you, Senor Carmadante, you got a big job.

You like the job you have.

Hey, I think maybe from now on you better do what I tell you to do and get

done. Or maybe my friend Don Diego will have a new place.

You can read.

What does it say?

Knowing that Luis Buenos Aires is a thief and a tyrant and cannot long

by justice.

Signed, Zorro.

Zorro? Who the fuck is Zorro?

I don't know, but he tells it like it is.

What's going on?

Only feeling if I could read, this thing gonna piss me off pretty bad.

You in there. Quickly before we're discovered.

Please. Please, leave us alone.

Haven't you had enough for one day?

Have no fear, senorita. I want to help you escape.

Escape? It must be a trick.

This is no trick, but come quickly now before we're discovered.

I don't want to escape.

Be quiet and follow me.

What are you doing?

Be quiet.

I just want to make sure the brutes didn't bruise your beautiful body.

Glacier has taste.

Drive slowly or you'll arouse the soldiers.

Wait. Who are you masked man and how can we thank you? I'm sure that someday

you'll find a way.

Stay away from your house.

Now go. Find safety with friends.

Father, I have a wonderful confession to make.

What is it, my little, uh, my child?

Father, I've decided to become a nun.

Don't you think that's wonderful?

An admirable decision.

But you shouldn't make up your mind while you're still young and

What do you mean, Father?

You should find out what life is all about.

Why, a beautiful girl like you, you must have many young men. So, get married.

Have a family. And if you still want to become a nun, come back and we'll work

something out.

Father, how can you say such things?

I mean, if I'm to become a nun, I must remain a virgin.

What a waste.

What I'm trying to tell you, my dear, is that you don't have sufficient

experience. So live a little.

Father, I do not understand.

I thought if I became a nun, it would please you.

There are other, better ways for you to please me. What do you mean?

Father? What is it, Sagittario?

Signorita Maria, we are looking for a man in a long, black, flowing cape. Have

you seen such a man?

I saw no one. I was just confessing to the Padre.

But who is the man with the dark cape?

His name is Zorro, and he's a very dangerous man. He has just helped two

prisoners to escape. If you see him, beware.

We're sorry to have disturbed you.

Padre, we apologize for disturbing you. Fear not. We will get Zorro.

Out!

You've got to catch him.

It's Zorro.

He can screw up my plans of being the biggest man in California.

I know.

I know.

I'm part of those plans, too. Remember?

So what are you going to do about it?

You and your machos. That was some show you put on last night.

My men have been searching all night.

By tomorrow morning, they'll be spread throughout the area.

He won't escape this time. I guarantee it.

Your men... And your men, for all the men they are, they could compete with

Diego Vega for gay caballero of the year.

And as for that senor Itar, I think I would like to have him meet my niece

Maria. A match between him and Maria would be very advantageous to my plans.

Luis, you know I've had my eye on Maria for a long time. And that's all you're

going to have on her, at least until after the marriage.

And then, of course, Maria is entitled to at least one lover.

Better it be you than some stranger.

Deps, to which you'll stoop to think I'm the richest man in California.

Nausea. Poor Maria.

Business, Esteban.

Big business.

The vehicle holdings are amongst the largest in California.

Tonight, we make our first move to acquire them.

We are going to have Don Diego to dinner tonight.

Who is he going to eat?

No snide remark.

Do not be frightened, my lovely Maria.

I only wanted to thank you for not blowing the whistle on me at the church

night. But who are you? I am Zorro.

Zorro? Maria, are you ready? It's time to go down.

heard voices in here just now.

No, I was just singing.

Well, shall we? Dinner's waiting.

I have not had such a marvelous dinner since I left Madrid.

Everything is just exquisite.

Excellency.

May I say your niece is the most charming young lady I have met?

Thank you very much, Don Diego.

You two must get to know each other better.

She too has just come from Spain.

She has only been with her aunt and I for three months in California.

You two probably have mutual acquaintances in Madrid, no?

Maria, your perfume. It's lovely.

What is it called? My perfume?

Why, it's, uh... Oh, Esteban, really? This beautiful

scent is called Amor Rapido.

It's for my bath.

I'm glad you like it.

Amor Rapido.

It's obviously well -named.

Diego, you must tell us about your life in Madrid. Oh, that I was there instead

of this godforsaken outpost.

Oh, yes, Diego.

Do tell us about your carefree...

Fascinating gay life in Madrid.

Actually, I spent most of my time with the other cadets. That figures.

Studying. Or drilling. Or learning war games.

An officer must be a fine horseman and swordsman.

They must also know about the weapons.

Sometimes it is best to use a pistol. But even an officer should know how to

handle a cannon.

How interesting.

I suppose you know how to do everything.

Well, actually, you could say that, but really, I'm boring you all, I know.

Esteban, you lived in Spain, too, didn't you? Why don't you tell us why you left

such a beautiful country to come to this sleeping pueblo?

When I was a younger man, I was quite a sportsman, although I had a bad temper.

I had the finest cock in Barcelona.

came from a long line of fighting cocks. One Saturday, I took him to the arena

for a fight.

All the gentlemen were there, and the stakes were high.

When the time came for my cock to fight, I entered the arena and presented

myself to my cock's opponent.

This gentleman took one look at my magnificent cock and stated he would not

his champion fight such a little scrawny thing.

I could not bear this insult. In a fit of temper, I challenged him to a duel.

He was from one of the finest families in Barcelona.

That was my mistake.

Oh, what an exciting story, Esteban. Please, do go on.

Yes, please, Esteban.

I ran him through.

As I said, he was from one of the richest families in Barcelona.

So, discretion being the better part of valor...

I decided to split the scene. That is how I happened to be here in Los

That is very interesting, Esteban.

Too bad you can't challenge that Zorro to a cockfight, eh?

Zorro? Who in the world is Zorro?

Oh, he's... Yes, my dear?

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle. I was just trying to explain to Don Diego.

Forgive my question, Excellency. It's another of my affairs.

It is your affair.

It is the affair of every loyal, law -abiding citizen.

This Zorro is a masked bandit.

He's a criminal and a rabble -rouser.

He's dangerous to the authority of my government. He must be hunted down and

brought to justice.

He will, Don Luis.

You have my word.

Doña Buenosario, I can't thank you enough for your gracious hospitality.

It was our pleasure having you, Don Diego.

Perhaps we'll be seeing more of you soon.

It would be my pleasure.

Perhaps you'd like to accompany me on my morning ride.

Oh, I'd be delighted.

Would it be too early? No hour is too early to enjoy your company, lovely

Excellency, thank you for having me to dinner.

Thank you, Don Diego.

And give my regards to your father.

Gracias, I will.

You do have the most...

Beautiful things, Commandante. Who is your tailor?

Good night.

You're all just too beautiful.

Nighty -night.

Come, Maria. I'll help you prepare for bed.

Well, ladies, what do you think of the son of the former alcalde?

Oh, I think he's some kind of a freak or something.

I think things are seldom what they seem.

But don't you worry.

You'll get part of the action.

You and your fine cock, eh?

Thinking of your husband -to -be?

Oh, yes.

He's wonderful.

Well, at dinner, you didn't display any great fondness for him.

Who are you talking about?

Why, Don Diego, of course.

Don Diego?

That she -man?

Oh, Aunt Lena, really, you're so much fun.

Maria, I do not jest.

I don't understand.

What do you mean?

Your uncle and I have already discussed it.

He has decided.

You will soon marry Don Diego.

Oh, no.

No, I can't. But I'm in love with... With whom, Maria?

There, there, Denise.

Everything will work out in time.

You will learn to love him.

I'll never live that long.

Come. I'll help you get undressed.

Uncle Luis want me to marry that bad? Because his father has great land

which will one day belong to Diego and you.

Aunt Elena, do you love Uncle Luis?

Of course.

Oh, it must be so wonderful to love and be loved by a man, a real man.

If I marry Diego, I will never know.

Yes. To be loved physically is the greatest ecstasy one can experience.

You are entitled to that.

Aunt Lena, I... I don't understand.

You will, my dear. I will make you understand many things.

Aunt Lena, is this all right?

Try it.

You'll like it.

Auntie, will it always be like this with my husband?

With him, it may be a little different.

But your ever -loving auntie will never be too far away.

It's beautiful.

Let's stop over there.

All right.

California can be beautiful, but I won't miss it. Oh?

Are you thinking of going back to Spain?

I've longed to return for some time.

Don Luis has also spoken of returning, but I don't think he wants to give up

what he has here.

That's a shame, senora. Madrid is the center of everything, and it gets bigger

and better every day.

You spend so much time at the academy with men.

You never knew any girls?

Well, of course.

What do you think I am?

I think you are something other than what you pretend to be, and I might

it. Oh?

What do you have in mind?

Help me slip out of my skirt.

Gracias, Don Diego. Why don't you do the same?

You want those pretty clothes to fade in the sun?

Let me help you.

A wise old man in Madrid once told me something. I guess he was right.

What was that?

Strip away all the linen and lace, and the only difference between a queen and

whore is time and place.

A wise old gypsy woman in Barcelona once told me something. I think she was

right also.

Oh?

What was that?

The longer you pretend, the harder it gets.

Now that I've been found out, I guess I'd better confess my little hoax.

It takes a big man to do that.

Things are seldom what they seem.

Skim milk masquerades as cream. I trust you've had your fill, my dear.

Sometime tonight sergeant. I'll take that. She come on Monday.

I'll take that

Foiled again.

Ben!

Ben! Zorro's just robbed the tax money!

Search the Pueblo!

Search the church!

Search Rosa Cantina!

Search Rosa!

Find Zorro!

something, the Zorro's getting to be a pain in the ass.

No, not there, you idiot!

Behind the tower!

The tower!

Tico!

just robbed the tax money. The tax...

Did you see him? See him? The cowardly swine. He attacked one of my best men

from the grave.

Did he hurt him? Rick?

Yes, it's a Z.

I'd call you an imbecile, but that would be a promotion.

Good evening, Padre.

Padre, don't you recognize your old student?

Diego.

I don't understand. You?

Zorro?

This cannot be. I thought you were... A fegala.

No, Padre.

It was only part of my disguise.

Here is part of the tax money.

You are to return it to the peons who paid us this evening.

This is wonderful. The poor people will bless you.

Needless to say, don't crack to anyone about my identity.

Gay Diego will stay Gay Diego.

And Zorro...

will rid this town of its rats.

I understand.

What will you do next?

Next, Padre, I am getting laid.

Forgive me, Padre, but Zorro tells it like it is. And now, if you'll excuse

me.

Maybe someday they will change these frustrating rules.

67, 68, 69.

Zorro, what are you doing here?

Shh. There's no cause for alarm.

But what are you doing here? Oh, you'll surely be caught.

I've come to see you.

And don't worry about me being caught.

No one.

Not even Luis or Esteban would ever think of looking for me here.

But what do you want of me?

I told you.

I've come to see you.

So show me.

And I'll show you.

I don't understand.

You will, Maria, my love.

You shouldn't be doing this.

Do you want me to stop?

Oh, no, not yet.

Does

my

little dove like it?

It's so, so muscular.

And that isn't all.

I've shown you.

Now you must show me.

But of course, my darling.

Of course.

But you have not shown me your face.

Why do you still wear that mask and those stupid stockings and garters?

The man always wears a mask, stockings and garters in these movies.

Who are you, Zorro?

The man with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

You will come again, won't you, Zorro?

How many times, my dear?

But I still haven't seen your face.

You weren't meant to, my darling.

Yet. I fear for your life.

When will I see you again, my love?

Soon. And the next time you'll see all of me.

But now, I must go.

Tomorrow, I right many wrongs

while at the same time ensuring our future happiness.

Velazquez. We meet again.

What are you doing here?

Not that it's any of your business, but I was merely visiting my fiancée, the

beautiful and no longer virginal Maria.

Schmuck. No longer virginal.

Defend yourself.

You're good, Capitan.

I will give you a rematch tomorrow at high noon in the Alcalde's office.

You bet your ass you will.

You don't really think he'll come, do you, Esteban?

He's a neomaniac.

He'll show.

With all of our soldiers outside, he'd be insane.

I've given orders to them to let him pass.

He's mine.

Talk about you maniacs.

No, no, senor. You cannot go in. But I must go in. I've got information for

about this Zorro person. Let Don Diego pass, Seymour.

See? I told you they'd see me, you silly, succulent savage, you.

Well, while you two lollygag about this dreadful office that...

Zorro person is lurking about my father's hacienda.

I'm afraid Zorro is a coward.

He wouldn't dare face me alone again.

He's too smart, you fool.

He wouldn't dare come in here with all his soldiers outside.

But I've given orders to let him pass.

He doesn't know that, you moron.

Zorro is much too crafty for that.

He has tricked you into sending the soldiers away.

will do the wise thing.

Which is?

Resign your position which you are not fit to hold.

Repairing all of the money which you have stolen from the peons.

And go back to Spain with your lovely wife.

Yes.

What about Maria?

Oh, Maria.

She stays in Los Angeles.

I am going to marry her. You cheeky bastard. Not yet, Esteban. I haven't

finished.

You're finished as of right now.

My sword arm.

I'll never fight again.

Good for you, Esteban.

One should make love, not war.

And now, gentlemen, we will conclude the arrangements to which you will agree, I

am sure.

Yes, yes.

Anything you say.

Uncle.

Esteban. Don Diego.

What does this mean?

It means, my dear, that Don Diego is really Zorro.

Don Diego Zorro?

I don't believe that.

Zorro's a man and Don Diego is only a... Yes, my little dove, I'm what?

I just don't believe it.

Perhaps when we have concluded our arrangements here, you'll let me prove

Prove it? But how?

Zorro knows.

You have won, Zorro.

Elena and I shall leave for Spain tomorrow.

What about me?

Too bad, kid. That's the way to enchilada crumble.

I can't believe it.

And so the wrongs have been righted. Luis Bonisario has sailed back to Spain.

And Esteban Velasquez is managing a cockfighting arena in Tijuana.

And I've been restored to my rightful place as alcalde of Los Angeles.

The governor has been so notified and approves.

And I and all my men have been elected the new police force.

I, Filippio Lacio, am sergeant in charge of the vice squad.

Oh, Filippio, I knew you'd get an honest job someday.

All this was done by my son Diego.

Also known as Zorro.

Let's bring him on with a big hand. Here he is.

You can read.

What does it say?

Know ye that Luis Bonesario is a thief and a tyrant and cannot long escape

my justice.

Signed, Zorro.

Zorro? Who the fuck is Zorro?

In times of tyranny, always comes one to right the wrong and wrong the

unrighteous. Such a one was Zorro.

It's an all -new, all -nude, lewd, and lascivious Zorro.

It's Entertainment Venture's masterwork of adult exposition, The Erotic

Adventures of Zorro.

Oh, kitty matinee, Zorro this.

Here is a Zorro with balls.

What will you do next?

Next? I am getting laid.

Forgive me, Padre.

The sorrow tells it like it is.

Brandishing his long, quick rapier, he wrought carnage and rapture. Those who

dared come up against him got stunned.

It all happened in a little Spanish town called Los Angeles.

All right, you people.

It's April 15th. You all know what that means.

It's tax time.

The poor peasants were being taxed up their assets.

Those who couldn't pay had to work it off hard. Since your father cannot pay

taxes, you girls must pay. However, we will let you work it off.

Sergeant Lacio, take charge of these two tasty wenches and collect 250

pesos. Plus a final 50 pesos for disturbing the peace.

300 pesos?

They'll be 45 years old by the time they pay it. The time had come for someone

to take things in hand.

Glad to see you have everything in hand, Sergeant.

Wait till she finds out his saber's bent.

That someone was Zorro.

Fencing and yensing his way right up your heart.

shown you now you must show me but of course my darling of course by day he

masqueraded as a senior eater by night he straightened out and went down the

line with Maria Klein a regular Spanish Batman

But you have not shown me your face.

Why do you still wear that mask and those stupid stockings and garters? I'll

take that.

I'll take that.

Zorro!

Zorro just robbed the tax money!

Search the church!

Search Rose's Cantina!

Search Rosa!

Find Zorro!

You cheeky bastard. I haven't finished.

You're finished as of right now. The intrepid team that brought you Traitor

Horny now brings you a fantastic motion picture with something for everyone.

Killing.

Rape.

Spectacle. Comedy.

You know something?

The Zorro's getting to be a pain in the ass.

Sex. Flamenco dancing.

Perversion.

Horseback riding.

Torture.

Lesbian.

Sword fighting.

Naked girls.

Entertainment.

All in the audacious, outrageous, the erotic adventures of Zorro.

All the memorable characters of this beloved classic come to life before your

very eyes. The evil Alcalde.

The equally evil Esteban Velasquez.

I had the finest cock in Barcelona.

The virginal Maria.

Father, how can you say such things?

I mean, if I'm to become a nun, I must remain a virgin.

What a waste.

The experienced Helena.

The kindly priest.

These military schools can do funny things to a boy.

Sergeant Filippio Lascio.

But when you do what I want you to do, you'll still be a virgin.

No, I can't.

Fear not.

Relief is just a swallow away.

Rosita and Margarita.

And they're virgins, Comandante.

Virgins.

Graciela. Estrellita.

They're all here to thrill you anew.

Parental guidance recommended.

Have your parents guide you to this theater to see The Erotic Adventures of

Zorro. Adios, comandante. The first adult movie rated Z.

The Erotic Adventures of Zorro.

And for those selected few of you with a taste for the hard stuff, here are a

few of the scenes that made it so hard for us.

If you're old enough to vote, you're old enough to see it.

And you'll vote it the best you've ever seen. The erotic adventure...