Original subtitles

Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

1 For those of you who were too fucking busy,

this is what happened last week on Shameless.

I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption.

If there's a market for babies out there,

I'm gonna corner my share.

I'd kind of like to have a say

in where this kid might end up.

What are you doing? Sending cash

to my sons.

Frank gets none.

My fucking brothers?!

That bitch!

Presenting Frank and Monica Gallagher!

(others whooping, cheering) Holy shit.

FIONA: Monica comes home long enough to reunite with Frank,

gets knocked up with another kid and then splits.

You look good, Moni. You back on your meds?

I am not bipolar.

FIONA: First thing she did--

bust my balls for kicking Lip out.

School or leave! What are you doing?

I'm not going back to school, so...

I guess that means I'm leaving.

How long do you need to stay?

Just till I'm back on my feet.

It'll piss her off so much,

she'll be back at your doorstep in a heartbeat.

Throw him out. You don't always have

to be responsible for everyone, Fiona.

Excuse me? Monica's back. Enjoy it.

I'm here. Doesn't all have to fall on you.

I'm not in love with her,

but I shit myself every time I think about

what her dad would do if dumped her.

She doesn't love you, either.

She's got this other guy--

a Marco somebody. (yelling)

I'm importing him to the States; I'm gonna surprise her.

Leaving you free and clear.

So when he gets in, so do I. Deal.

Can't say he hasn't been working his fine ass off trying to win you back.

Where's the Squirrel Fund?

What the hell's a Squirrel Fund?

The first rule you learn in this house,

you hide the goddamn money!

You promised me.

Get out of bed!

Get out of bed, Mom!

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.MY-SUBS.com

♪ Think of all the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Round up the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so... ♪

♪ Sure of? ♪

♪ ♪

(gunshots)

Ha-ha! Two for two. Hey, give me a turn.

Screw you.

I want to shoot a duck.

Go get your own gun, then.

At least give me a duck.

I fucking shot them.

It's my pool.

It's my dad's rifle. You're an asshole.

An asshole who's eating duck for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

(chuckles): Yum!

Later.

Dick.

(scoffs)

(knocking)

(door creaks)

Monica?

Mom?

You okay?

I'm tired.

Made you breakfast.

It's been a few days.

It's toast with peanut butter!

Got a few jelly packets

from Leo's diner.

I could get you one.

Mommy's not feeling too good right now.

(sighs)

What else did Grammy buy you guys?

Oh, I'm sorry, buddy, got to sell everything.

DEBBIE: She still won't get out of her room.

I know what I want for Christmas.

I told you not to go up there. Leave her alone.

Well, how's she gonna eat? An AR-15 rifle.

She'll figure it out when she gets hungry. And no one's

buying you a rifle. Is something wrong with her?

She hasn't gotten out of bed in days.

Just what she does.

What is? Little Hank

has a rifle. Little Hank's being raised by wolves.

Mom's bipolar, Debs.

Like the North and the South Pole?

Sort of. Well, what can we do to help?

FIONA: Not much. Just wait it out.

For how long?

Till she snaps out of it.

Which she always does.

It just takes time.

I wish Lip were here.

You should call him.

He'll know what to do. There's nothing to do, Debs.

It is what it is.

Well...

I'll see if I can get her up.

Ian, don't...

Hey, Monica.

I want to go back to that bar tonight.

You know, the one you took me to?

Will you go with me?

Come on, it'll be fun.

You could wear that purple shirt.

Come on, Monica.

Here, you want some coffee?

Mmm.

Honey, Mom needs to rest.

Please?

All right.

(sighs)

DEBBIE: Depression is hereditary.

Holy shit!

Look up the 10/22

Ruger target tactical rifle.

Get away from me. You had your turn all last night.

Geraldo, it's Fiona Gallaher. Was just wondering if you...

Get away from me!

...have any extra shifts available?

Did she get up?

FIONA: Uh, hang on a sec, Geraldo.

Hey, I need you to take the pool down-- there's homeless guy's

bathing in it again. I can't. Got to get to work.

Shit. Uh, sorry.

Anything would be great-- cleaning, front desk.

Whatever you got.

I think I'm depressed.

I've been feeling kind of funky lately.

Means you're gonna get your period soon.

It does?

Don't wear white for a while.

That sucks. All right, will you keep my name on the list?

Thanks, Geraldo. Hello, my tribe.

Daddy! I'm gonna get my period soon.

No time for that now, Debs.

I fixed the Buick!

It's good as new!

Is, uh... is your mother upstairs?

Don't be getting her drunk-- it only makes things worse. It says depression

is a symptom of menses.

Debs, wipe the memory on the computer.

Take it down to Mr. Sam's Pawnshop.

See how much you can get for it. What? No.

My X-box, too? Everything.

Grammy bought us that stuff. Yeah? Well, we have no money

since Monica stole the Squirrel Fund,

and we need to eat!

Is Lip coming home

for Thanksgiving tomorrow?

I don't know.

Now, go. And when you get back, take the pool down

before it freezes and cracks. I don't know how!

You'll figure it out; it's not that hard.

Lip?

Go.

(sighs)

Monica, get up.

We're going on a road trip.

No. No. We're gonna go see Clayton.

Moni... No!

Back out of the rabbit hole.

Come on... up!

(grunts): Up you go!

I need your help. Remember,

I told you my mother mailed all her money to my brothers

before she died? Frank, leave me alone.

Well, that's ny money.

I deserve it.

I was with her on her death bed.

I paid the hospital bills

and made the funeral arrangements.

(Monica grunts)

(sighs)

P.U.!

A little ripe there. We better

get you in the shower.

No, Frank, please...

Honey, I need you to work

your feminine wiles on Clayton.

He's always had a woody for you.

(grunts)

What are you doing with her?

Getting her out of the house.

A little sunshine. A little vitamin D.

She needs to go back on her meds. I'm her husband.

I think I know what's best.

Okay, you ready?

You can't lie down in the shower.

Also, you never use toilet paper on your dick

after you take a piss.

You tap the end, let the drops fall off, flush.

- That's very fatherly. - Is that really? - Yeah.

What you want to tell your kid?

Well, if it'll prevent him from

being heckled in the locker room

by other guys, absolutely.

Why'd the parents get you to make this

stupid video anyway? Oh, they didn't.

I thought of it on my own.

I wanted to give my son some tools to survive.

Hi. I'm Mandy.

I'm not your real mom.

She didn't want anything to do with you.

Look who's talking. Well, mine was barely a baby. Like, eight cells or something.

What are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing?

Hey, come on, we need to finish the video. Wouldn't it be cool if

you're getting a blow job and talking to your kid at the same time?

Yeah, I guess we can finish the video later.

You know, this will be

the third time we've been together. Mm-hmm.

Usually after the third time, I either stop

or we have to figure it out.

Figure it out? Yeah.

Like, what we're doing and stuff.

Well, I thought we were just hanging out.

Maybe we should stop.

N-No, I don't want to stop.

(muffled): So, uh, we're gonna

figure it out and stuff?

Absolutely.

(giggles)

(knocking) Yeah, coming.

Well, room service is getting hotter.

Is he here?

Uh, not at the moment,

but yes. He's been here

for weeks now; why haven't you kicked him out like I said?

Because I don't do everything you tell me to do. Since when?

How am I supposed to trust you

if you don't keep your word?

I never said I would kick him out; in fact,

I was doing you a favor by letting him stay here.

Really? Because you're such an upstanding citizen?

What do you have him doing? Stealing cars?

Lip's a mess. He's upset about Karen.

Drinking like a fish.

He'll be fine once he comes home.

Do you know anything about teenage boys?

You can't give them ultimatums.

(screaming)

Marco!

Oh, my God. Here soon!

We pick up!

Yo, Marco, Marco.

Uh, you are?

Okay, yeah, we'll be right there.

Just...

(Estefania squeals)

Oh, oi, Fiona.

Yeah.

Listen, here's the thing, Fiona.

I want to be with you, but I'm not one of those kids

you can just boss around.

I'm sorry, now I got to go

pick up my wife's boyfriend.

How you doing there, Moni?

You hanging in?

Just think,

in a few hours we're gonna be rich.

How much you think we can soak him for?

Once you turn on your charm,

we can get whatever we want from Clayton.

I know my Monica.

Get anything from a man.

Hell,

you took my heart.

Ahmoney from Clayton will be easy.

I can't, Frank.

Of course you can.

Have a little faith.

There is no God.

No, no, no, I'm saying.

Here.

Have a little faith.

♪ Hey, oh ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Hey, oh, let's go! ♪

Mr. Sam at the pawn shop's a douche.

Wouldn't trade me an iPad for a Ruger.

No one's gonna let you have a gun, Carl.

Little Hank gets to have one. Because his dad

hijacked a bunch of military cargo.

We got to empty the pool out, Conrad.

You guys got to get out of here.

Here, go screw this end of the hose

into Tony's spigot

so we can siphon the water out.

Or we could just do it this way.

Carl!

I'll patch it up next summer.

See ya. (sighs)

Sorry we ruined your bathtub, Conrad.

It's okay; Il go down

to the fountain in front of the Hyatt.

Hasn't frozen over yet.

Can't you just shower at the free clinic?

(sirens wail in distance) I like baths.

A childhood thing.

Why the long face?

I think I have depression.

It's hereditary.

My mother has it.

Well, come here, have a seat.

I can tell you a few things about depression.

Mind if you put your pants on first?

Hey, why are we meeting him here?

Well, he's paranoid that customs might've tailed him

once he finally got out of the shipping container.

Is that him? Este, Este, get out here.

Yep, yep,

(honking) I think this is him.

(squeals)

♪ Two, three four ♪

♪ Listen, baby ♪

♪ You know it's true ♪

♪ There's another side ♪

♪ It's all for you ♪

♪ Yes, it's true ♪ My baby!

♪ All for you ♪

There's your five grand, my friend.

Oh, baby! (squeals) ♪ You're the only one for me ♪

♪ Do-do-doo ♪

♪ Do-do-doo ♪

That's quite a homecoming.

True love.

♪ The only one for me ♪

Insert Scarface joke here.

♪ Do-do-doo ♪

Hey, how are you?

♪ You're the only one for me ♪ Grab that...

All right, you ready?

(knocking)

Surprise.

Aw, come on.

Aw, Jesus, Frank, what the fuc+ are you doing here?

Is that any way to greet your favorite brother?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! You can't come in.

Frank. Oh, Clayton.

Handsome as ever.

Why didn't you come by

to visit Mommy when she was dying,

Clayton? Because I didn't even know

she was out of prison until after she was dead.

I had to take care of her all by myself.

I'm a little thirsty; is the kitchen

in here? Please, Monica,

don't... Heard she sent you, Wyatt

and Jerry her money.

A few dollars, yeah.

Didn't leave me anything.

Is the wifey here? No.

Work. (popping)

What was that? Frank, what is she doing?

Seems to me it's only fair that you and I

split the money, since I

looked after Mommy on her death bed.

Wow, I've always wanted to try Veuve Clicquot.

Aw, we just bought that for Thanksgiving!

Oh. Happy Holidays.

Okay, really. You have to go now.

Not without my share of the money. I'm sorry,

Frank, there's nothing for me to give you.

Okay, the money's spent.

I used it to catch up on the mortgage.

Fine, be that way.

You don't want to give me any money,

let it rest on your conscience, Clayton.

Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom, and then

we will be out of your hair for good.

Long time, huh?

Come here, you.

Oh, Monica, don't do this.

Do what?

Get so close to me.

You mean like when we did

PCP at Comiskey Park and sold T-shirts?

You were quite the ladies' man then.

I'm not gonna give you any money.

Well, you know Frank is not gonna

leave here without a couple thousands.

Oh, my God. So, you might as well get your money's worth.

Monica, I-I can't.

I thought you couldn't resist me.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no. No, I can't, I can't.

I-I'm married.

I-I have kids.

I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go.

Yeah? What?

What are you doing?

Sweetheart, no, you can't lie down here.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

What-what are you doing? No, no, no, no.

You got to get up; you can't lie down.

Honey, honey... What did you do to her?

Nothing, we were just talking.

Hey, what's going on? Huh?

He didn't want me.

He didn't want me.

That's okay.

I'm an ugly old hag.

That is not true. Yeah.

No, you're beautiful.

Fuck.

(whimpers) You are.

(grunts)

I'm gonna take you home.

Okay? It's okay.

I'm not finished with you yet.

STEVE: Are you hungry, Marco?

(moaning) Yeah, I don't think he really gives a shit

about food right now.

All right.

Probably right.

Your sister's driving me crazy; I don't know

what it's gonna take for her to trust me.

Again. Can you blame her?

You know, you have a whole other family.

First, your name was Steve, then Jimmy.

You know, you disappear to Brazil.

(moaning continu) Come back married.

You know, it's kind of a tough way to build up trust.

I really am trustworthy, though.

Yeah, well, you're gonna have to do something bold to prove it.

ESTEFANIA: Oh, my pussy for you.

MARCO: Yeah, babe, like that.

All right, dude, you got to get me out of this car.

I'm getting too horned out; pull over here?

(moaning)

Fuck.

You ready to go home yet?

Are you trying to get rid of me?

Just wondering.

No, you know what, I think I'm done living at home.

I like being on my own.

And by being on your own you mean sleeping

on my couch at the Ritz?

See ya.

(sighs)

MARCO: Mm, yeah? Si, si!

Don't worry, this isn't too weird.

♪ Make her booty bounce, bounce, b-bounce, bounce ♪

♪ Make her booty bounce... ♪

So, what kind of stuffing should we make?

I like the one with sausage in it.

Then sausage

we shall have.

Because I love you. Thanks, Mom.

And I would never do anything

to upset you or to hurt you.

Okay. At least not on purpose.

I know.

That's not to say

some urges might overtake me,

and cause me to think unclearly

and do things that I'm shamefully,

shamefully embarrassed about.

Is this about you sleeping with Jody?

What?

No.... Yes.

Maybe.

You know about that? Yeah, Mom.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to.

It was an accident.

An accident where

his penis slipped into your vagina?

Oh, God. Hey.

Hey, what's going on?

My mom was just telling me

how she fucked Jody. Oh.

Sweetheart!

It was not like that.

Way to go, Sheila. Oh!

You know what, Mom?

I don't care.

In fact, I want you to screw him more.

Screw him all the time.

Take him, he's yours.

Get him off my back.

Jody, get in here!

He's coming in here? Now?

LIP: Hey, I need to talk to you.

Why? You fuck my mom, too?

Yeah, payback's a bitch.

Are you having the baby? No.

Help her with the stuffing

or whatever it is that you guys do

together. Oh, okay.

Hi.

Hi.

Jesus.

So, what do you want?

I was wondering if you, uh,

decided on a couple

to give the baby to yet. Yup.

Mark and Celeste.

Why them?

They gave me the most cash; eight grand.

Okay, but I was thinking, um, you know, maybe Jeff and Alana.

They only gave me, like, five.

Uh-huh, um,

right, but, uh,

Jeff and Alana

would be better parents.

Seems unfair they should get the kid

if Mark and Celeste paid more.

Fine, if you're gonna pout about it, just give me your phone.

You're gonna call 'em now?

Might as well get it over with.

I scheduled a C-section for Friday.

What? I want this thing out of me.

I can't wait two weeks. Holy shit.

I'm gonna see the little guy on Friday?

Yep, for, like, a second.

(quavering): Hi, Celeste, it's Karen Jackson.

(sniffles)

Yeah, I decided to keep the baby.

I can't give it away, I'm so sorry.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, you, too.

Bye.

Okay, where's the next number?

(shudders)

Hi, Fiona.

Hey, Debs, you're filthy.

Go take a shower. Carl,

I took down half of the ol.

You have to do the rest.

Guess we're not having turkey tomorrow.

Too expensive. Got to use pawnshop money for the bills.

But it kind of looks like a turkey, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's pretty good.

This smells good. Hey,

I'm selling those to Mrs. Campbell over on Western.

20 bucks a pop.

So I'm not worried I have depression anymore.

Why, what happened? Talked to my friend Conrad.

Says depression usually skips a generation.

Conrad?

The homeless guy in our pool.

Okay.

And even if it doesn't skip a generation,

it usually only runs in 20% of the family.

One in five-- those are okay odds.

Way I figure it, it's going to be Lip.

He's halfway there as it is.

Probably shouldn't have kicked him out.

It's Lip. Don't be a douche, leave a message.

Hope you know you're invited for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

Call me.

Love you.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.

- We hope you enjoy your stay with us at the Ritz-Carlton. - Jesus,

what are you, an old man?!

We're sure that our five-star... (lowers volume)

(Estefania and Marco grunting and eaking Portuguese)

Holy shit... they're still fucking?

Sometimes it's fighting. Can't really tell the difference.

(screams) (grunts)

Our hotel... (increases volume)

Wow.

Don't be rubbing your apple in there.

I can't listen to it from both sides.

(Estefania yells in Portuguese)

(sighing)

Okay.

Hey, little guy.

Uh, I think I'm going to end this now

'cause you're coming into the world on Friday.

I hope I get to hang out with you for a few minutes

before we hand you over to your new parents.

I think they're really going to take very good care of you.

You know, I wish it could have been us.

But, um...

well, things are pretty messed up

around here, so...

Um... You ever want

to get in touch with me, though, that, that would be cool.

You know, just, uh, just look for this ugly mug.

You know, I'll be around.

I'm not going anywhere.

All right, take it easy, buddy.

(yelling in Portuguese) (thudding, glass shattering)

STEVE: English. Marco, what's going on?

(yelling in Portuguese)

Wait, doesn't that fucking hu?

What?

Nothing. Uh, Lip, what are they saying?

I think he's probably pissed

because you fucked Estefania?

You fucked Estefania, too? No, no, no.

He fucked Estefania.

Because we were married!

Estefania, get my gun.

He just told her to get his gun.

I know, he said it in English.

No, amor, no. Listen to her, Marco.

(speaking Portuguese)

Uh, uh, wait, wait, wait,

w-wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Marco, you look like a reasonable man.

We can work this out. Como?

How, man?

Uh, Lip,

go to my bag. Yep, okay.

Get my, uh, I.D.

and passport.

Give it to Marco.

Marco, you're me now. Take my identity, yeah.

It's your fucking picture here, man.

Little plastic surgery,

new haircut, you'll be golden.

Yeah, I definitely see a resemblance.

And if Este's dad comes looking for you, Marco,

she'll still be married to Steve Wilton, the two of you will be safe.

That sounds like a foolproof plan.

We good?

Yeah.

I never want to see you again.

Yeah, not a problem. Now, man.

The fuck you looking at, man?

Out, out! Sure, yeah, right.

I'm-- just got to...

(shouts) Okay.

(giggles)

What the hell was that?

You told me to do something bold.

(siren approaching)

♪ It's the universal blackness, au natural ♪

♪ ♪

♪ When I rock, when I rock ♪

♪ When I rock, when I rock, when I rock, when I rock ♪

♪ It's the universal blackness, au natural ♪

♪ It's the universal blackness, all natural... ♪

(mouthing)

♪ It's the universal blackness, au natural ♪

♪ It's the universal blackness... ♪

(techno playing)

(indistinct chatter)

Hey, hot stuff.

What are you waiting for? You want to go inside?

Come on.

Roger, he's with us.

I like my men red.

I'm gonna call you Ginger.

(groans)

I'm so sorry, Frank.

It's okay, Moni, it's okay.

You, you don't have to keep apologizing.

But I've ruined everything.

No, we'll get the money from Clayton some other time.

(sighing)

Here, just...

Everything's...

(sighs)

Everything's gonna be fine.

(sighs)

You want a beer?

I'm not thirsty.

No one drinks beer because they're thirsty.

I got two more brothers we can get money from.

Jerry's weak.

He'll roll over quick.

Moni?

Monica? Monica?

Monica.

Monica?

What are you doing under the stairs?

Come on, come on now, get out from there.

Monica, let's go upstairs.

I don't want to be me anymore.

(sighs)

♪ The first time ever ♪

♪ I saw your face ♪

♪ I thought the sun rose ♪

♪ In your eyes ♪

♪ And the moon and stars ♪

♪ Were the gift you gave ♪

♪ To the dark ♪

♪ And the empty skies, my love ♪

♪ To the dark ♪

♪ And the empty skies. ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, Ginger, think fast.

(laughs)

Sweeplace you got.

Yeah, we have company condos all over the country.

Hmm, what do you do?

Real estate.

I live in Miami.

Hmm.

You mind if I, uh, sleep here for the night?

What, you don't like it at home?

(chuckles)

Well, hey, that's no problem for me, huh?

We can go r round three, huh?

Come on.

Get it. I can take you, brother.

(both grunting)

All right! (knocking)

I'm coming.

Who forgot their keys?

I kicked Lip out.

Where'd he go? I don't know.

You don't know? You didn't ask me to find out

where he was going. You asked me to kick him out.

You're right, I'm sorry.

(both sigh)

Thank you. You're welcome.

How'd he take it?

Seemed fine. You want to go upstairs?

No, you got a thank-you kiss.

That's it?

What were you expecting?

Can I spend the night on your couch?

Why? Then I'll be here tomorrow for Thanksgiving.

Who said you're invited?

I kicked Lip out.

I'll get you a pillow and blanket.

(train rattling)

(sighs)

Hey.

Missed me, huh?

Yeah. Um, hey, look,

is it... is it all right if I stay over tonight?

Couldn't go 12 hours without seeing me, could ya?

(laughs)

(sighs)

(grunting softly)

♪ ♪

I shot a duck!

I shot a duck!

That's no duck.

That's a bald eagle.

(pots clattering)

(indistinct chatter and laughter)

(Steve sighs)

VERONICA & FIONA: Happy Thanksgiving.

Morning, Steve.

You know what, Debs? Let's make it official.

No more Steve. From now on, it's Jimmy.

Okay. Cool.

Really? Yup.

To Jimmy!

VERONICA: To Jimmy! Jimmy!

(whooping)

Cheers. Cheers.

You know, I'm gonna call you Jimmy pillow drooler.

Shut the fuck up. I do not.

No, I swear to God. This is you.

(groaning) (laughter)

What are you doing over there? What's it look like?

Plucking a bald eagle. What?

Carl shot it in the yard.

With what? That's against the law.

I already gave him a lecture. And took out the bullets.

DEBBIE: It says there was a re-release program

in the Michigan peninsula.

Let out ten bald eagles

that had been raised

in the Detroit Zoo into the wild.

And one of them came to me last night.

You know, there is something on his leg. That's a tracking device.

That way, they can monitor where it nests.

So, somebody knows that we have it? Probably.

Uh, it must have hurt, huh, buddy?

Got him on my first shot.

Says tampering with a bald eagle

tracker is

punishable by law.

Problem solved.

Here, Carl, get rid of the evidence.

(hissing) Eww!

Guess we can save this for the weekend.

Why? What are we having for Thanksgiving?

No, no, no, no, no. No.

It's just like the pilgrims intended.

(distant laughter, Monica sighs)

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hmm.

Oh.

Stop it.

(Frank sighs)

I'm not in the mood.

You're always in the mood.

How about a little handy J?

You don't have to do anything.

I'll do all the work.

That's a girl.

(Frank moaning)

Moni, you got to squeeze a little.

Mm.

Time for you to go back on your meds, huh?

(sighs)

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll get you some.

(sighs)

(train rattling)

When should we tell Ian?

Tell him what?

About us?

(door opening)

Yo. Get the hell out!

What, are you Gallagher hopping, Mandy?

Dad said you had to knock

before you came in.

Need someone to do a beer run.

Yeah, just 'cause you two retards

have DUIs don't make me

your personal chauffeur.

No, I'll do it. Yeah, cool.

Yeah. Thanks.

We can go get breakfast burritos at Juan's truck after.

(laughter)

- I didn't know you could do that with a turkey baster. - Oh, honey... (gasps)

Frank.

Sheila. What are you doing here?

I came by to wish you... happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, Frank.

What the hell is he doing here?

Where have you been?

FRANK: Oh, Sheils.

I... I really didn't want to have to tell you this.

What? That Monica's back?

You heard about that?

Yes. Oh.

Are you... are you mad?

I'm not, actually. KAREN: Yeah.

Mom fucked my ex.

You slept with Lip?

Oh, God, no. It was me.

You slept with him? Yes.

Yes, I did.

Oh, my God!

Sheila!

How could you do this to me?

My heart-- it's broken.

I'm probably gonna go through a lot of depression over this.

Oh, God. Could use some antidepressants.

Lithium... if you've got it?

All right, okay, Frank. God!

Frank, please don't be upset with Sheila.

(Frank groans) It's my fault.

Shit! Fuck! Cock!

Did I just piss myself?

(gasps) It's the baby.

FRANK: Oh! Honey, you're gonna have the baby!

I'll go get your suitcase. Oh, my God!

I'm gonna be a grandma.

Yeah, I know. This is exciting!

Hey.

I got your suitcase! I got your suitcase!

SHEILA: Okay, okay. Sweetie...

(Jody shouts, indistinct chatter)

Somebody get some towels or something.

COLIN: We'll be right back.

Want anything? Uh...Too bad.

What should we do this weekend?

LIP: Karen's actually having the baby tomorrow.

So... Whatime?

Want to see a movie after?

I-I guess?

Okay, cool. Whoa. Mandy, come on.

Your brothers are right there. I'll be fast.

Seriously. They're, like, 20 feet away. Come on.

What the fuck?!

Open the fucking register! Let's go! Let's go!

Mandy, I thought you said they were getting beer.

A euphemism.

Come on, old man! Let's go! Pick it all up!

(shouting)

Jesus! (woman shouting)

Shit!

(alarm blaring)

Where the hell are you going?!

We got to get out of here! (gunshot)

Get back in the car!

Got to get out. No fucking way!

You're gonna fuck me and walk away?

Fuck you!

(muffled shouting)

MANDY: Asshole, Lip! Eat shit.

BOTH: Mandy!

(gunshot)

(tires squealing, gun chamber cocking)

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Wait. She is?

Oh, my God.

All right, the baby, yeah.

Um... (siren blaring)

All right, all right, I'll be right there.

(siren blaring)

Didn't take much stuffing.

How long we supposed to cook it for?

20 minut a pound for turkey.

We are not having bald eagle for Thanksgiving. Here.

Whoa, this thing's huge. You're welcome, Tiny Tim.

What are we supposed to do with this? Toss it?

Hell, no. Hunt it, kill it, eat it. The hunter's code.

There's no way we're gonna let the most sacred symbol of

American freedom and individual liberty go to waste.

I'll put it in the freezer.

We got Thanksgiving!

Christ Almighty, this cock sucker's killing me.

Oh, my gosh, it's so exciting. I can hardly contain myself.

(Sheila inhales and exhales loudly)

Mom, I'm supposed to be the one breathing.

I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm just so excited and nervous.

(groaning) And out of the house.

(groaning)

Damn, that thing really opens up.

Get the hell away from me.

Sorry.

Mother fucking piece of shit!

(groaning)

We got a big turkey. We got a big turkey.

Where have you been?

Out. Did you come home last night?

No. You even think to call?

I'm here now.

Wasn't gonna miss a family holiday.

Come here.

Happy Thanksgiving.

It's a nice hickey. Go wash up.

Should I set a place for Lip? Sure, sweetie.

You better not have started without me. Frank?

Hey! Daddy!

You're gonna come to dinner?

Of course I am, son.

And so's your mother.

Lithium? Moni,

I got your medications.

Mom's under the stairs?

How long has she been under there?

Here you go, sweetheart. Here's your candy.

That should do it.

Get out of there.

Get out of there. No, Fiona.

(crying): No, Fiona! No!

Come on out. Come on.

No! Get out of there.

Come on. No!

FIONA: Come on. Fiona.

Up you go. Up you go. Come on.

I look a mess. No, you do not.

You look beautiful. Doesn't she look beautiful, kids?

You look great.

FRANK: Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Mom.

You're not spending Thanksgiving under the stairs, okay?

Debs, set a place for Monica.

We're all having dinner together.

With the kids at the table.

That's right.

You're gonna sit right here.

Well, then, happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving!

(cheering and chatter)

Who's hungry? I... Yeah.

Sorry. Hi, Jeff. Alana.

Hey. Sheila called us.

Can't believe it's happening so fast.

I don't, either. You guys coming in?

Karen didn't want us in there.

They told us to wait out here.

Okay.

She's in room 803.

Right. Oh, hey, um,

I wanted to give you guys something.

Uh, made this for the baby.

Um, if you guys could give it to him at some point,

you know, if you feel like it.

Yeah. Thank you, Lip.

Yeah, we will.

Cool. Um, I should go in.

Go!

Here we go!

(cheering)

Good job, baby.

Can't wait to get that turkey in me.

You okay?

Ah! We haven't said grace yet.

I'll say it. I'll say the grace.

FRANK: Hold hands.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this food that we're about to eat.

Thank you for bringing my Monica

back to me.

And please make my brother Clayton burn in hell

for all eternity when the time comes.

Amen.

EVERYONE: Amen.

Are you gonna carve the turkey? I'm starving.

I'm carving. I am the man of the house.

(whispers) I'm gonna go wash my hands.

Fiona, is Lip coming?

JIMMY: Want me to call him?

Yeah. Uh,

he knows what time we're eating.

Mashed potatoes, please.

Who likes dark meat? Me!

Ooh, me, too. And on my turkey, also.

(knocking) I invited Conrad. Is that okay?

Conrad?

My homeless guy from the pool.

Coming... Sure, Debs.

DEBBIE: Conrad, how are you?

Hi, Deb. Hi.

Everyone, this is Conrad.

EVERYONE: Hi, Conrad.

Much better than bald eagle.

(laughs) Hey, we're still eating that.

We're gonna roast it, bake it, fry it.

I don't care, but we're really gonna eat it.

Bet it tastes like chicken.

Well, we could always have it for Christmas.

(overlapping chatter, loud thud)

What was that?

I'm just gonna put all of this

on this one plate, and then everybody could...

Holy fuck!

(gasping)

STEVE: What?

(gasping)

Give me a phone.

Give me a phone.

(Monica panting)

Come on, guys, upstairs. Upstairs, kids.

STEVE: Okay, uh, fuck!

We're good. We're good. We're good. Don't worry.

More towels.

Shit! FIONA: There's been an accident.

All right.

2119 North Wallace.

She's bleeding badly.

Yeah, she's awake. Uh...

Frank, more towels!

Towels! Will somebody give me a fucking towel?

Frank, they want to know if she took any pills.

Dad! Dad?!

STEVE: You're good. I'm not sure.

Can you see me? Can you see me?

Help me with her feet, Frank. Frank?

Get... Get over here!

You with me? You with me? Breathe.

You're gonna be good, okay? Slow, slow. You're gonna

be good. It's just... It's fine. You're fine. You're fine.

Why didn't Frank come?

I don't know, Debs.

Holy fuck. Dude, if you say that

one more time, I'm gonna throw you in the oven with that

turkey when we get home, okay? Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

You try Lip again?

Yeah, just left a message.

WOMAN: Miss Gallagher?

Debs, stay with me.

How is she?

She's stable. Oh, thank God.

We're gonna hold her for 72 hours, make sure she doesn't try

to harm herself again.

She's bipolar?

Okay, we'll get her back

on her meds and leveled out. Can we see her?

No, not right now. She's heavily sedated.

You should go home. Excuse me.

You okay?

Lip just called. He's coming?

Karen's having her baby upstairs.

Holy fuck!

Is Maternity this way? I'm gonna be an aunt!

I'm gonna have a nephew I can beat up.

(grunts) Why can't I just get a C-section?

You're too far along, sweetie.

- Sometimes Mother Nature has other plans, honey. - Fuck Mother Nature!

- She doesn't have to worry about her vagina getting stretched. - Ow!

You were already

pretty stretched out down there, Karen.

I want drugs! Give me drugs!

Sweetie, push! You're almost there. Push!

I am pushing, bitch. Oh, I can see his head.

Oh, my God, the miracle of birth, sweetie!

It's so beautiful.

More visitors.

ALANA: Hey, sweetheart!

Oh, the Gallaghers!

It's a party!

(all cheering)

I'm gonna be a grandma!

Great. Let's just have the whole Fighting Illini

marching band in while we're at it!

Lip!

Look, my baby boy's come out.

Ew.

Vagina.

Sorry we didn't have time to buy you any cigars, man.

Oh, no worries, man.

That's right, all you guys just fucking whoop it up

while I'm sitting in here! Fucking fuck!

DOCTOR: Okay, it's coming. It's coming. It's coming!

JODY: Breathe, Karen.

You keep breathing, fuck nut!

Shit, I don't know if I ever wanna do this now.

One more big push, Karen.

(grunts)

(all cheering)

(baby crying)

Um, Doctor?

What's going on?

Is he okay?

Oh, no.

That thing looks weird.

I think he looks beautiful.

What's wrong with him?

(baby cries)

He has Down Syndrome, Debs.

Yeah, and he's Asian.

Maybe we're just looking at him upside down.

NURSE: Here you go, honey, you can hold him now.

No, no, I don't want to touch him.

You should hold him and say good-bye.

Just take him away.

What the fuck, Karen,

I thought you said it was mine?!

I screwed Timmy Wong as much as I screwed you.

I never said it was your baby.

You just wanted it to be.

(crying)

Go tell Jeff and Alana to come get their fucking baby.

(crying continues)

(crying continues)

♪ The fire, the wine, the bed and you... ♪

♪ This crimson light, I find the truth ♪

♪ And truth is like a punch or two ♪

Lip?

♪ It hits you hard and knocks you through ♪

Let him go.

♪ So I get on the road and ride to you ♪

♪ I get on the road and ride to you ♪

♪ One tender payment for our sins ♪

♪ You are the drug that I can't quit ♪

♪ So I get on the road and ride to you ♪

♪ I get on the roadand right ♪

♪ The wheel, it settles in my hands ♪

♪ This is the measure of this man ♪

♪ I point the car at north, at you ♪

(alarm beeping)

♪ My route has scarred the country through ♪

JODY: Come on, Sheila! Hurry up!

I got the baby!

I got the baby! I got the baby! Come on! Come on!

Oh, my God! Oh, Lord!

♪ My route has scarred the country through ♪

(both whooping)

Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.MY-SUBS.com