Original subtitles

Hello.

These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home, and the pub I own,

thinking about all the big problems in the world, and some smaller ones that

annoy me.

Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all, or at least try.

My shed.

Right.

It's here that I have the tool.

Let's just sort some wood up. The tea.

And a couple of other highly competent blokes.

Very good. Brace yourself.

Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.

Is she getting a ticket out?

Great. Early flight, I suppose.

And small.

The cereal has gone soggy. I'll also have to take on other people's problems.

What is wrong with Peter?

He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.

By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to mend.

Is it a train set?

So join us and our excitable crew... LAUGHTER ..who will capture our

endeavour... That was epic!

..as we create... ..make... That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.

..repair... So it's never worked.

Not in my lifetime.

..and repurpose...

In my shedload of ideas. What do you think?

This is just brilliant.

Here in Wiltshire, I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us

such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape, the muse of England's poets

and artists.

The rustling hedgerow, the delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping

willow, the heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English

and woman. Oh, and the fly -tipping sight, the blight of town and country

These people disgust me.

There are over a million fly -tipping incidents reported in the UK each year,

and they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.

It's a huge problem, but no problem is too huge for me and my two very handy

right -hand men. My trusty engineer, Finn, with his big ideas.

Some kind of pivot from this point, anywhere between here and here.

And my ever -ready carpenter, Tony the Tool.

Don't worry, I'll just do everything over here. You carry on chatting.

And so to my large and well -equipped workshop where the very practical magic

happens.

So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic. It is a fly

trap, or a fly tipper trap, if you like. Taking our inspiration from good old

-school fly paper, which is this stuff.

It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper, and you hang it up in your

house. Flies fly into it because they're stupid. Their brains are absolutely

minute, and they stick to it. Ha!

And that's the end of them. So we want to do something similar.

but that acts on human beings, which means... Oh, God.

Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.

We'll leave Simi to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies,

as Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.

Now we have to devise the trap itself, how it will be... What would the trend

be? Delivered. It's Tony's idea, so Tony will explain.

Collapsible cattle grid. Oh.

So we take a sheet of 8x4. Yes. We build a frame around it.

Two supports.

All our sticky stuff in the middle here.

Box section.

Forming a grid.

Holes.

Attached by string.

Go into two pulleys.

And go...

That way to a single pulley with a mechanism that pulls and collapses.

Why is the cattle grid there? Is there a gate?

To stop cattle. No, I know what it does.

But it's not... Yes, so it's a gate. Usually you dump... Usually I've heard

people who dump things dump it in a field.

So the van pulls up, people get out with the sofa, say, and they walk across the

cattle grid, which is positioned in front of a gate and therefore is

normal because you get cattle grids in front of gates.

They throw the sofa into the fly -tipping area, and it triggers a

mechanism. We haven't quite worked that bit out yet, have we? Which, through

this pulley system, concertinas the cattle grid like a Venetian blind,

the sticky stuff.

The panicking fly -tippers run back to their van through here and are stuck

flies on flypaper.

That's basically it, isn't it? Easy.

Right, so should we put this on the floor and do a bit of... Spacing out.

Yeah.

Let's just rough it out.

Tony and I start laying out the steel rods that will eventually become our

cattle grid.

How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid? Does it depend on what sort of

animals you've got? Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't

Obviously, if you're making one for an elephant, you could make them a little

bit further apart.

Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i .e. the spacing of the

rails on the cattle grid, with the requirements of the mechanism, because

got to pull all these together over here. It's quite a weight, isn't it?

lot of steel.

I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one, which it

be when they're evenly spaced. So there's no getting around this, Tony.

going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.

So, for our 1 ,220mm wide cattle grid... We're going to need ten bars, 107

.7 millimetres apart.

Yes, this is an exact science.

Oh, our arithmetic is spot on.

Well, nearly.

Nearly.

OK, that's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.

Come in with the sofa.

Yes, I think that's...

You'd walk across it carefully because there's a cattle grid, because you tend

to walk carefully across a cattle grid.

I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.

Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.

We can fix those in place and go from there.

Right, so the concept looks good. We've just got to make the thing now.

First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame, keeping a close eye on our

math.

Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rods so that Tony and I

can drill very precise holes into them, which we'll thread rope through to

collapse the grid, as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.

I've to put the hole in the middle, right? I mean, look at that.

How in the middle is that?

All is proceeding at pace until... The problem is... There's no easier

way of putting this. It's Tony.

Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.

It's just I didn't cut the factory edge off because we were rushing.

I'll just recut these. 1 ,790.

All thereabout.

Thank you, Simmy. And once you've squared off our mistakes, Tony and I

the poles together with rope.

which will make this cattle grid collapsible.

What have you done to that?

We're going to have to flame it again.

And finally we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.

In three, two, one.

Oh, that works.

It doesn't need that much force either.

Collapsible cattle grid success, but we still need to find some really sticky

stuff to fill it with.

We also have to drill all the remaining pieces, devise the weighted mechanism

that will close this, and we have to take the whole thing to a secret

in the countryside, fill it with our gunk, and then wait.

For now, though, we take a break from our war against flight tippers for a

-earned pint.

And it's now, when I'm at the pub, that people start bringing me their broken

stuff that they want me to mend.

In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.

Hello. Hello, I'm Kirsty.

Hello, Kirsty. Hi.

What have you got for us?

I have got my teddy bear, Peter.

He's 53 years old.

Oh, younger than me.

Definitely younger than me.

And apart from being utterly furless, what is wrong with Peter?

He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep.

and now he doesn't. He's been in a loft for 35 -plus years.

Poor sod.

Yeah. Is it one of those where you do that and it... Yeah. You can hear it.

Oh, yeah. Whatever that is.

Something's moving. What noise did it make? It was like a sheep, like, bah!

I think, well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear

Hospital, and these old bears, they've usually got a moving weight and some

of bellows. They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.

Right. One of them had a reed, and the other one had... Some kind of diaphragm.

Yeah. Something like that. So you wanted to try and make the sound work again?

If you could, that would be lovely.

And you've had him since you were how old?

Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother.

While she was pregnant with me.

So it predates you. The teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the

He was.

And are these your initials? They are my initials, yeah. My mum fixed them in

because they used to go everywhere with me.

I've got a picture of him, actually.

Oh, that's when he still had his fur.

And his head was on properly. At what point did Peter lose his speech?

I have no idea.

He's travelled with me. I was in the army and he came everywhere with me. And

then he ended up in a loft and I thought I'd lost him. And

then I got him back about three months ago and he doesn't make any sound.

How would you feel about us opening Peter up?

That's fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah. We'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.

Absolutely. And I do not resuscitate.

Oh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.

And there is a scalpel.

Has this been opened before?

Not that I know of, no.

How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?

I'm slightly nervous.

Oh, swab.

We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early

Can I put my finger in?

You might want to look away. I am.

My God, it's huge.

We need a bigger hole. We need a bigger hole.

I'm actually getting nervous.

Here he comes.

Is

that

the noise that you used to make?

Slightly.

But longer?

Longer, yeah.

Afford him some dignity.

We'll put him in the recovery position.

OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.

We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.

Then we will stitch him back together.

He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth, and you will never

know, and neither will he, that anything had ever happened.

Excellent.

Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.

Please don't.

Will we be able to perform this important and life -saving operation?

Will Peter growl again?

Ah, Wiltshire, the beautiful countryside.

But did you know that every 27 seconds somebody ruins it by fly -tipping,

causing damage to farmland and wildlife?

Luckily, Tony, Simi and I have come up with a cunning plan involving a

collapsible cattle grid that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our

fly tippers in their tracks.

Now we just have to select our gunk.

The options we have arrived at are cornflower, epoxy resin and

this one, which is a mastic, so it remains plastic and...

Sticky, is that right?

Yeah. What should we try? Should we try cornflour?

I mean, cornflour, isn't it thixotropic? So if they run across a cornflour mix

quickly, they will simply... Go across it. Go across it. But if they amble

across it... Yeah. How much should we put in?

Let's put it all in.

You think? Yeah.

Cornflour's weird stuff, I think. I don't like using it in the kitchen.

It's useful, Ron.

It is useful. I mean, it's a crafty way to thicken up your cheese sauce.

That is quite... So it's solid, but if you put gentle pressure, you... Oh,

Oh.

It's quite nice, actually.

And then it just goes liquid.

The trouble with this, it's so much fun, you'd find millions of flight tippers

just frolicking in your cornflour.

This cornflour and water goo is non -Newtonian, meaning it doesn't follow

Newton's laws, as it can act as both a solid and a liquid.

And handily for us, this ambiguity makes it very sticky.

So we put it on the floor and put some shoe covers on. Who wants to try?

We can try one each.

Off to you. I'll do this one then, so...

Make

sure you use the right foot.

Yeah, good thinking, Batman.

So you've thrown your sofa away, or your fridge, or whatever.

Fly tips.

Nobody saw that.

I'm off.

It's not very good.

What's the drag on your foot there?

No, it's...

It's pretty grippy, but I don't know that you'll necessarily get stuck. The

is that the fly tipper is stuck to the fly tipper trap.

I mean, let's reserve judgment until we've tried a few other things.

Shall we try the math stick?

So it never sets.

No. It remains plastic in the true sense and hopefully quite sticky.

Shall I? Yes, carry on.

It looks sticky.

It does look sticky.

This particular mastic forms an elastic, watertight sealant that sticks firmly

to wood, metal, concrete and, we hope, humans.

It smells fantastic.

Sorry, has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?

Right, whose turn is it to try?

You're going to do it, Tony. Yeah, go on, Tony.

Are you going to put both feet in? Yeah, I don't want to get splashes on my

trainers.

So, remember to method act.

What are you dumping, Tony?

A telly. A telly, okay.

Whoa, we've done that before.

Whoa!

Hey,

that looked like it could be quite good.

Wow. It's slippy as well. Really slippy.

That's really sticky.

Oh, that's pretty good.

It's very good.

So the mastic works, but because Timmy hates to feel left out, we decide to let

him test the epoxy resin option.

Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.

You ready, Tim? Right. With the big fridge and action. I've got my fridge.

Over the hedge it goes.

That's not very good. It's not very good, is it? It's all over the floor.

It is all over the floor. You can get off the floor.

Very slippery.

So that's not ideal, is it?

No.

It's rubbish.

So to conclude this scene, men, because we wanted to do it, you have one.

Are you ready?

In three, two, one.

The mastic is a clear winner.

It's the dickiest. We agreed.

Absolutely. Right, so that's what we'll do.

Once that...

Dickymastic is added to our cattle grid fly trap. We may just be able to protect

rural littles up and down the country from the blight of fly tipping.

But there's another danger threatening the countryside, and that's the worrying

demise of pub games.

As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.

But what about revisiting one of the old standards?

Oh!

Oh! The game of darts, it's essential to the formation of England's character,

because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery and

defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.

Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with.

got... Doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring, and then a bull and a

double bull. But there are other types of dartboard. For example, there is a

Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles.

And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different

order. There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas

the outside, and so on and so on.

Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard.

So we thought maybe we'd come up with one.

What do you think, Tony?

Uh, yeah. What would you do, though?

When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the

dartboard on the floor.

We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window with the dartboard down

below in the garden.

Let's try holding it by the... Oh, shot.

Is it in?

No, it's 25.

Miles off.

Yeah. I mean...

It involves a lot of bending down, though. What if the dartboard starts

rotating?

Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.

Yeah, we could do that.

That'd be fun.

Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the

OK, so stand on the ocky, but about two feet back from the ocky.

Oh, I don't want to throw a dart at you like that.

No, no. Oh.

Are you ready?

Are you having a laugh?

No.

Yeah, three on the board.

OK, now it's my turn.

Crap rolling.

Crap rolling.

It's supposed to go under there. You deflected it with your first dart.

So the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.

Now we need Phimmy's help to try and make the board rotate in space.

Shall we have a beer?

Good idea.

While Tony and I head off for a pint, Phimmy throws himself into creating a

mechanism that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.

First he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame, and then he rigs up a

variable speed controller.

before, after a quick swig, soldering together a small motor with a manual

switch. Then he attaches the battery, has another essential beer break, and

finally tests the rotating mechanism that will eventually attach to the

dartboard, which we'll try out later, once Sim's joined us in the garden for

another pint.

Exciting!

You find me back in my Wiltshire pub, and for good reason.

There isn't enough entertainment in the pub, especially since I've banned Morris

dancers and minstrels, so we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all

pub games.

With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard, allow me to show it to you.

Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height, with the 20 at the

top. where you'd expect.

My two players, if you'd like to take the ockie, gentlemen, then you will

remember where you were when you first saw this, because the game of darts was

changed forever.

There it goes.

The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.

Doesn't look like much, but it makes the game extremely difficult, and let's be

honest, it wasn't easy to start with.

We're playing highest score, three darts. Your throw, sir.

It's making me dizzy. Here's the 20, but it's going round and round, you see,

because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.

Rubbish. Oh, he's going for the bull.

Oh, it's tricky.

43.

12.

19.

Oh, rubbish.

James, come on. Do your best.

Oh!

Hang on again.

34. No.

No, no, no.

Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.

Oh!

Oh! Yes!

Wow! Shall we reverse?

Oh!

Oh, he's got 60.

I do believe I missed the ball, James.

We've only got this one left.

And I have to score 29 or more.

That means the winner is Tim.

But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us. It had to

work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.

Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire Darts.

No. It's not looking good.

Well, yes, you're right. It's not good. It's 24.

But that's nothing.

At least I tried.

Five.

Six.

Ten. Congratulations.

That's truly terrible.

Eight.

Oh, dear.

That's 17, sir.

That's very poor.

I hope you don't mind me saying.

Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars, and also, it

turns out, with our film crew, with producer Lucy very keen to play.

You've thrown it away!

As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety, it's

probably time to sum this up.

I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire Darts, apart from that it's

excellent. Thank you for watching.

That's one successful step along the path to revitalise British pub

entertainment, and I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.

But now we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's Bear, who, after

in the loft, has lost his growl, and Simmy and I have been entrusted with the

weighty task.

of giving Peter his voice back. Right, viewers, our mission today is to provide

Peter the bear, beloved of Kirsty, with a more impressive... ..one of

those. According to Kirsty, it was originally louder and longer and we may

able to improve the sound as well.

We've never done this before, oddly.

First,

we need to remove Peter's growl box to see how it works.

What if we made that just twice as long, and this twice as long, and then you'd

get a longer... So it is, it's like...

Oh, God.

It's got a very simple reed there, similar to something you would find in a

crude musical instrument.

And this seems to be some sort of very, very simple amplifier.

We could remake that bigger, much bigger and much longer.

There's a lot of room. There's tons of room. It could go right down to his...

and up to his neck.

So we could, you know, we could put an enormous growler in there.

Yes.

Right, that's the plan.

We're going to remake it bigger and better, which in terms of a teddy bear

means longer.

To see if we can give Peter a larger, longer growl, Tim and I want to see what

happens when we elongate the sandbox's journey by throwing it down the longest

tube we can find. Three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.

Is everybody ready?

Also known as a drainpipe.

Let her go.

I think it needs

to be...

Totally upright.

That was epic!

Nice!

You're trying with a shorter length?

Yeah. So Peter's growler needs to be... Like that? Yeah. OK.

Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler, we cut it to

size.

Let's just see how long a growl we get.

It's got to be a bit sadder than that.

To slow the movement of the growler and thus lengthen the growl, we need some

sort of fabric cap with holes punched through.

It's a bit on the womp, isn't it?

I mean, it doesn't matter.

I mean, no -one's ever going to see it because it's going to be deep in Peter's

bowel, apart from all the people watching it on television, obviously.

I think to get a result, we need to tape this on to the end, to seal that one

end. The noise goes in that way? Yeah.

How could that...?

Is

there a plan B at this point?

No.

OK.

Anyway, we're not going to give up.

Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist, has an idea that might help create the sound,

and it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.

We're making a replacement bellow.

The old one is rather elaborate.

We're not sure what material it is.

It's almost like a waxed paper, but it has been ironed so that it has

effectively a helix in it.

so it's ironed in two directions, so it's got ridges on the outside and the

inside, but that seems unnecessarily complicated in a world of modern

such as rubber gloves.

So we're making it out of the rubber glove.

The theory here is that the rubber glove should fill with air and force it past

the reed, which makes the sound.

OK. Are we ready?

I'm slightly...

How can that not work?

The addition of the bellows has made the growler stick in the tube.

Oh, is that what it's doing?

That's so evil.

Situation update on... Situation update is that...

Since Peter the bear was admitted to our bear growler hospital, his condition

has deteriorated quite significantly.

Some of his stuffing's come out. He's got a massive wound in his spine and his

voice doesn't work anymore.

But apart from that... It's not easy, though.

I hate this bear.

So our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift.

But we can't let Kirsty and her precious bear down, and so, after some

deliberation, Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate

Are you sitting comfortably, children?

Kirsty had a very special bear called Peter, and Peter could growl like a

grown -up bear. But one day, Peter's growl failed, and Kirsty sent poor Peter

Simmy and James to be repaired.

It's proved rather difficult because Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his

bellows have perished. But, of course, you know all that, children, because

you've been on this incredible adventure with us.

But now Simmy and James have had to do something they've never done before on

this show, which is order a spare part and fit that instead. Here it is,

commercially available growler from a bear specialist.

Peter.

can growl again.

And now, Mr Oakley the surgeon is going to sew it into Peter, and nobody need

ever know.

It's our secret.

There you go, Sim. Thank you very much. Once Simmy is sewn up, the patient will

send him to convalesce. The bear, I mean. Before returning him to Kirsty.

As good as new.

Well, almost.

You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems

and small that bother us all. Whether that's fly -tippers ruining the glorious

countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.

We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant

and you have some food, and it's all jolly nice, but you think, I'd like a

little bit of garnish on that.

What if you could take the garnish with you, and then you could garnish whatever

it was you were eating, wherever?

So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing? To wit, a hat.

You see, this rests very conveniently on your head. If the brim were full of

soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.

So, join me as we make the world hurt.

Herb hat.

This is harder than it looks.

The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the

typical English garden herb bed.

So maybe we need to get rid of some bigger... But don't I have to retain the

root?

Yes, but if you just...

So if we get rid of those boys and keep that one in its route... What, and

discard those?

I think snip that off.

I always have my comedy carrot -shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket,

fortunately.

Snip those off.

We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat, compacted soil and a sprig of

basil.

I've been in television quite a long time now. I think it's about 25 years.

And because I understand the basics of television, I know that we're going to

skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full

herbs on my head.

And here I am.

Afternoon. Afternoon. Ham, egg and chips.

Yes. Epic.

Nice hat, James. Thank you.

Yeah, you're rocking that.

Sorry.

It was a bit of a breeze.

Would you like some garni?

Have you got any coriander?

I have.

I believe it's there, isn't it? Yeah. May I?

Yes, of course. Here are the exquisite Japanese food.

Jim,

anything you'd like? A little barrel would be nice.

Can Tony reach that?

Is that enough? Yeah.

I think ham, egg and chips. I would like...

I'd like a few chives on the eggs and the chips.

Allow me.

Here you go.

Thanks awfully.

What do you think of my hat?

I mean, be honest.

Well, honest?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you look like words of gummage, but... It's a bit Morris -style, isn't

it? It is exactly very useful.

It's a top hat.

I'd say this works.

It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home. All you need is

hat, some nutrient -rich soil, some herbs, a

low sense of self -esteem.

Robert's your mother's brother.

Next, spice shoes.

No, that's ridiculous.

Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.

Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside, and we're

hoping to keep it that way with our cunning invention to stop the curse of

-tipping.

We return to the fly -tipper, fly -trap. Fly -tipping is becoming a blight. In

the countryside, we have devised a way of... catching people in the act. It is

essentially a fly trap. It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid

exposes a very sticky substance that traps the miscreants.

so that they can be apprehended and then they can pay their debt to society.

Now, in a previous instalment, we proved the principle of the retracting cattle

grid, and now we've set it up in this fly -tipping area. It's already full of

junk. It's a very popular location. You know, saw horses, old records players,

speakers. badminton bats and so on and amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle

or is it no it isn't it is actually the trigger mechanism for the whole thing

let me explain to you how it works when our fly tippers approach they walk over

the cattle grid which is closed and it's outside a gate they suspect nothing and

they lob whatever it is their bread maker whatever over here and it hits

trigger string this trigger string via this pulley here pulls

on this hinged piece of wood which releases the front brake of the bicycle

front wheel now free to rotate begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee

cord until the sledgehammer which is attached to the wheel passes top dead

center and then gravity does its work the rotation of the wheel and the extra

torque provided by the sledgehammer operates this pulley system which

the cattle grid. They think we got away with that, run away, stuck, we turn up

with clubs and beat them to death.

Now, we're going to test this out with some fictitious fly tippers. This is not

real, this is a set -up, but me, Tony and Simi, to see if it works, are going

watch from over there behind the wall. If you didn't understand the

don't worry, we're filming it all with little cameras and we'll do a slow

-motion action replay and you can see it all working in graphic detail.

Right, are we ready?

Let's prime the trap.

So, a few redesigned and repurposed bits of junk could, if we've got our

calculations correct, trigger our trap and catch some flytippers in the world's

first ever flytipping flytrap. It's quite sticky.

Patent pending.

Right, I think we can go and hide.

So, the trap is set, and as if by magic, a mysterious van pulls up.

Oh, he's stopping.

He is, he is.

He's got to be one.

That's a really tatty van, that's always a sign.

He's getting out.

Oh, they've got hoodies on.

Oh, look at them, dirty fly tippers.

Yes, dirty fly tippers that do look remarkably like members of our crew.

What is it? What is it? Washing machine?

It's a building.

Mattress. Oh, God.

I'm going to get a great door.

There you go.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh.

Yes.

Gotcha!

That's very good.

It accidentally works.

Oi, fly tippers.

You're in a fly trap and you're going down.

Oh, well done, men. That is fantastic.

Oh, good job. That's an absurd idea, but it worked.

And as promised, here it is in glorious slow motion.

It may be a prototype, but the principle is sound. Fly tippers can be caught

like flies in a trap, and that...

Is engineering and poetic success?

So, we've solved fly -tipping, pub entertainment, garnishing on the move,

we've really struggled trying to fix Peter the Bear, whose growler was no

fit for purpose.

I never imagined I would end up being involved in the repair of a teddy bear.

was expecting clocks or lawnmowers, you know. Not teddies.

Not a teddy bear.

What a pain.

I'll be quite glad to see the back of him. Oh, I'll miss Peter.

I can see the back of him now.

I don't know how she's going to react when we admit that we haven't really

mended him as such. What happens if she throws one?

I don't think she will.

You don't think so? No.

What we've actually done here is a transplant.

We have. And a successful one. And that's really the cutting edge of teddy

medicine.

Hello. Hello.

Have a seat. Nice to see you again.

Hi. Here is Roger.

Peter.

Have you missed him? I've missed him a lot.

Have you? I have.

Well, it's strange. We've become very familiar with Peter. He's been a

lurking presence in our lives and looked after very carefully, of course. I'm

glad. I'm glad you did.

Well, do you want to know what we've done?

Yes, please.

Well, Jimmy began the... Quite difficult operation with a long incision down his

spine. Yeah.

and then we successfully removed his growler. Yeah. And that's where things

became a bit difficult.

It had sort of disintegrated a bit, and his growl wasn't very strong anymore.

No. And we looked at making a longer tube and a bigger bellows. We tried

fabrics. We tried a rubber glove.

Sounds a bit complicated. It was complicated. He was on the table for

at one point we thought we might lose him.

Eventually,

we consulted...

Well, a consultant teddy bear surgeon.

Yeah. Who said, I'm afraid he had to have a new growler. So he's had a

transplant.

OK. But if you'd like to tip him on his back.

Oh, it's the same.

It sounds exactly the same.

Oh, it does. It sounds exactly the same.

If you tip him right back and wait for a bit for the brow to extend, and then...

It sounds just like a telephone.

So you're pleased.

Very pleased. Thank you so much.

So good.

Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased. I'm very pleased because I thought I'd

lost him for a long, long time and now he sounds exactly like he did when I was

a child. So, yeah, he's quite my son.

Well, you can take him back to your home and enjoy the rest of your lives

together. I will. Thank you so much. It's really appreciated.

That's OK. It's a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye.

Bye. Bring him back when his head falls off.

Can you see her? She's properly delighted.

That bear is loved.

And if we as humanity could love each other the way Kirsty loves that bear,

everything would be okay.

Apart from for me.