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1
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Orlando, 1995.
2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,164
Just as glamorous as it sounds.
3
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:10,402
My dad moved our family there from DC...
4
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,274
so he could open his own restaurant.
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,540
But business wasn't going
quite the way he planned.
6
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:18,050
He planned to have customers,
and he didn't.
7
00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,109
Moms was worried too-about money...
8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,620
and about fitting in
with the neighborhood women.
9
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,422
So, Melrose Place is about prostitutes
who are mad at each other.
10
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:30,054
Yes.
11
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:33,258
The one person who never seemed
to worry was my younger brother Emery.
12
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,994
He blended in like a chameleon.
13
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,468
My favorite movie's Gremlins.
14
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,529
And Grandma and Evan
were just hanging out, squishing bugs.
15
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,901
And that's me, your boy Eddie Huang...
16
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:48,141
still straight struggling
to fit in at my new school.
17
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,749
Dude, are those nurse's shoes?
18
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,248
Yeah, they're your mom's.
19
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,381
My mom does happen to be a nurse...
20
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,153
and she helps sick people get better.
21
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,162
Can't wait to tell everybody
the new Chinese kid wears nurse's shoes.
22
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,221
Walter's not wearing Jordans either.
23
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,267
He doesn't need to... he's black.
24
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,495
That's like built-in Jordans.
25
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,299
This school's ridiculous.
26
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:17,036
They were jerks, but remember,
this was 1995, before the Internet.
27
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,408
I couldn't just search
"'Asian kids who like hip-hop."
28
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,470
I had to figure out a way to fit in...
29
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,540
or be stuck eating lunch
with the janitor and his kite.
30
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,177
I'm just saying, don't call it
a seasonal fruit salad...
31
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,778
if it's nothing but melons.
32
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:49,998
- My famous tuna salad.
- Mmm!
33
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,544
- Mac and cheese with bacon bits.
- Ooh!
34
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,842
Stinky tofu.
35
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,108
Hmm.
36
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,480
- That's exotic.
- Hmm.
37
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,719
How is this fuller than before?
38
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,122
Aren't you gonna try some?
39
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,888
Oh! No. But I admire you for making it.
40
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,625
It's that enterprising spirit that made Taiwan
a world power in little league baseball.
41
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,189
I watched a documentary...
42
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,132
about China in college.
43
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,797
You guys, I am so excited
for this year's block party.
44
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,899
- I am so excited about our
karaoke number. - Oh!
45
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,841
What's the party for?
46
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:26,708
The Daytona 500.
47
00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,246
What's the Daytona 500?
48
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,441
We watch cars race around
speedways 200 times...
49
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,417
stopping only for fuel
or engine maintenance...
50
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,579
and although the ultimate cup winner
is decided by an elaborate points system...
51
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,714
individual race winners can still celebrate...
52
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,224
by getting a grandfather clock
or drinking a glass of milk.
53
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,091
Caveat... drinking milk
isn't specifically NASCAR...
54
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,097
- but auto racing in general.
- Yeah, right.
55
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,732
Do you have any aspirin?
56
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,505
Hey, there, neighbor!
57
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:54,665
Hello, neighbor.
58
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,231
- I'm Louis.
- I'm Marvin.
59
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:57,401
- Hello.
- This is Honey.
60
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:58,967
- Hello.
- Hi!
61
00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:00,774
We just got back from a month in the Keys.
62
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,337
Oh, that's wonderful!
63
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,076
You took your daughter
on such a nice vacation.
64
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,811
Your dad is a good man.
65
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,876
Listen to him. Stay in school.
66
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:08,943
She's my wife.
67
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,353
Of course she's your wife.
68
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,220
She doesn't look like you at all.
69
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:17,958
Yikes.
70
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,558
Oh, no.
You're reading Stephen King. What's wrong?
71
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,866
I have nothing in common
with these neighborhood women.
72
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,806
I miss my friends back in DC.
73
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,866
We had such pleasant talks.
74
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,616
I guess I'm just lonely.
75
00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:47,322
You'll make new friends.
It just take time.
76
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,419
And stop reading that book.
Those stories always give you nightmares.
77
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:53,260
You know what gives me nightmares?
Our bank account.
78
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:56,666
Stephen King should publish my checkbook.
79
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,164
Mom, can I get the new Air Jordans?
80
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,333
- Wh...
- Why not? They don't cost that much.
81
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:06,742
My sneakers aren't fine.
You never let me get anything. God!
82
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,246
Wh...
83
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,305
I'm looking forward
to when he wants a car.
84
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,151
And there's a point system...
85
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:14,709
and then something happens with a clock...
86
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,778
- and then the winner drinks milk.
- I love it.
87
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,847
Okay, this block party
is a great opportunity...
88
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,859
for us to network
and promote the restaurant.
89
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,417
- When is it?
- I don't know.
90
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,794
There's a party-planning meeting tonight.
I sent representatives.
91
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,595
Look, Alice, I don't want
to sound like a broken record...
92
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,795
but why not a petting zoo?
93
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:34,203
We need to show people that Cattleman's
Ranch has great food, you know?
94
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,708
We got to generate a buzz
to bring in the customers.
95
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,506
I'll get a meat smoker.
We'll give out steak and ribs.
96
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:43,037
No! Are you crazy?
We cannot afford to just give away food.
97
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,107
The restaurant's not making any money.
98
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,947
We can barely pay our bills.
99
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,956
Jessica, it's important to project
the image you want people to see.
100
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,983
If you want to be successful,
you have to project success.
101
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,892
That's what I needed to do.
102
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,227
I wanted to change the way
the kids at school saw me...
103
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,132
so I turned to the one person
who could guide me through this...
104
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,294
Ol' Dirty Bastard.
105
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:39,836
That's it...
a hot girl was the ultimate status symbol.
106
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,307
Even if I couldn't have Jordans,
if I had a fine shorty on my arm...
107
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,207
Psss... wouldn't matter.
108
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,371
Thanks, O.D.B.
109
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,677
Be right back! Taking out the trash!
110
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:58,500
Ripped By mstoll
111
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,275
Eddie!
112
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,838
That's very expensive!
113
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,747
If you want to waste something,
you waste water!
114
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,308
Do not throw juice.
115
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,150
Mom, get out of my fantasy.
116
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,588
Jessica, water doesn't project success.
117
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,147
Capri Sun does.
118
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:37,925
As does Cattleman's Ranch ribs...
great pork at a fair price.
119
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,965
Come on, Fly Girls.
Try a rib. Tell a friend.
120
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,932
- This is not free, okay?
- Here we go.
121
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,491
I am going to charge you all.
122
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,102
Dad saw an opportunity...
123
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,370
to promote our restaurant
at the NASCAR party.
124
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,436
He just needed to figure out
what the hell NASCAR was first.
125
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,608
Hello. Uh, do you have any NASCAR videos?
126
00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:01,016
Car or truck? Cup Series or Busch?
Short track or road race?
127
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,454
I... Uh, which one is the milk?
128
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,084
All right. Come on.
129
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,762
Come on. Let's go walk past
the adult section and try to see inside.
130
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,822
I thought those were the Westerns.
131
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,095
Only the sexy ones.
132
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:21,773
They die and leave
their wives their money.
133
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,435
Dolores Claiborne.
134
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:28,844
Sometimes, they're driving home
from their mistress's apartment...
135
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,543
and their brakes suddenly fail.
136
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,313
An accident, Dolores...
137
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,288
...can be an unhappy woman's best friend.
138
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,283
My husband doesn't like it
when I watch Stephen King movies.
139
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:43,851
He thinks I get scared.
140
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,364
- That's the best part.
- It's my favorite part.
141
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:49,401
I'm Honey. My husband, Marvin, and I
are your neighbors.
142
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,027
Oh. I'm Jessica.
143
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:54,334
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
144
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,325
- I'm so hungover.
- What?
145
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,385
Hey, girl. How you livin'?
146
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,722
I'm fine.
147
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,236
- Uh, hi. I'm Honey.
- Yeah, you are.
148
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:27,101
Eddie, stop acting weird.
Go to the bathroom. We're leaving soon.
149
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,539
A'ight, Mama. A'ight.
150
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,577
He seems nice.
151
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,376
- What was that?
- Phase one of my plan.
152
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:39,009
I need the guys from school
to see me with her.
153
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,349
No one's gonna care I'm not
wearing Jordans after that.
154
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,048
But she's, like, a woman.
155
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,351
Exactly!
156
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,449
A fine-ass woman like that...
157
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,051
leaning on me like in rap videos...
158
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,789
that'll get me mad respect, son.
159
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,457
And these Skittles are compliments...
160
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,933
of that gentleman over there.
161
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,869
Go on, girl! Taste the rainbow!
162
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:04,906
You know who win every race?
The advertising companies.
163
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,774
Little Debbie.
164
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,872
I knew a Debbie once,
but she was not little.
165
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,940
She went by "Big Deb."
166
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,043
I'm going over to Honey's.
167
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,281
I think I found a friend I actually like.
168
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:19,256
Oh, good. That's great.
I told you... it just take time.
169
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:23,159
Yo, Moms, you see Honey,
ask her how those Skittles treated her.
170
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,129
Why are you giving women candy?
171
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,324
'Cause they so sweet.
172
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,163
Go to your room.
173
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,965
A'ight, Papa. A'ight.
174
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,901
Hmm.
175
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,848
I don't know what this wife's problem is.
176
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,649
If my husband had a big house
like Jack Nicholson...
177
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:52,486
he could put an ax
in any door he wants to.
178
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,959
Why? Because we have
500 other doors and a maze.
179
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,928
Mm-hmm.
180
00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:01,433
Oh, I can't believe
you are actually eating my food.
181
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,297
This is delicious.
182
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,667
You know who's gonna love this? Nicole.
183
00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:09,299
- Oh, that's Marvin's daughter. She's
my stepdaughter. - Oh, that's nice.
184
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:12,037
- She's not even your real daughter,
and you love her. -
185
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,012
- Oh, my God.
- Oh. That scared me.
186
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,141
Hello. May I speak to my wife?
187
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:24,883
Look, Louis, I know you don't like me watching
Stephen King movies, but this was on...
188
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,948
No, it's not that. It's Honey.
189
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,721
All the neighborhood women hate her.
190
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,785
Well, that's not true.
Who tell you that?
191
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,023
Evan.
192
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,155
It's true.
193
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,224
They hate her because
she ruined Sarah's life.
194
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,600
- Who's Sarah?
- Marvin's first wife.
195
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,161
Honey split them up.
196
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:43,140
- Well, how do you know this?
- The party-planning meeting.
197
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,645
"Sarah came home early
one day and found them on the kitchen floor. "
198
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,737
"The floor that Sarah just cleaned."
199
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,247
"Nol"
200
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,011
"Yes, girl." "Yes."
201
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,844
Then Carol-Joan gave us
a preview of the karaoke number.
202
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,412
Not great.
203
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,652
All right, so they hate her.
So what?
204
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:03,820
She is the first person
I have met here who I actually like.
205
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,921
Well, if they find out that
you're friends with Honey...
206
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,262
they could turn against you
and the restaurant.
207
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,768
They boycotted
Rebecca Miller's nail salon...
208
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:14,499
because she copied Mary Jo's
Jennifer Aniston haircut.
209
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,564
You know, "The Rachel."
210
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:19,076
Oh, my sweet boy, that's a lot of names.
211
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:23,377
Look, Jessica, you know more than anyone
how much we're struggling.
212
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:26,907
We can't afford to give people
any reason to avoid our business.
213
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,018
Okay. You are right.
214
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,524
It is not worth risking
the future of the restaurant...
215
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,083
- for somebody who I have just met.
- Exactly.
216
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,153
Pick any other woman to be friends with.
217
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,698
Swing a cat, hit a white woman,
be friends with her.
218
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,566
Because our number one priority
should be the restaurant succeeding, and...
219
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:50,430
Oh, you know, I thought I saw
a ghost in the window.
220
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,500
But there was not a ghost.
221
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,739
I am fine.
222
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,645
And no more Stephen King movies!
223
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:08,115
You know, like our
favorite sport, NASCAR...
224
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:11,652
why not speed over to Cattleman's Ranch...
225
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,790
for great tastes at an affordable price?
226
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:15,356
I... I'm just kidding.
227
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,902
Drive the speed limit, but, still, come.
228
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,268
All right, when I say,
"Rib eye," you say, "Steak"!
229
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,671
- Rib eye!
- Steak!
230
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,437
All right, we're having fun!
231
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,273
Welcome!
232
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,006
Food goes on the picnic table...
233
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,516
which is over there
where the petting zoo should have been.
234
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,582
Why aren't you handing out coupons?
235
00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:41,489
Who you looking for?
236
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,687
Honey. I mean, a honey.
237
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,253
A honey woman.
238
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,322
Hand out the coupons, man.
239
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:51,062
Hey, this is Simone and Bianca.
240
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,627
- Hey.
- Hi.
241
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,696
- You have two dates?
- Oh, it's cool.
242
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,366
We're supportive of each other.
243
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,603
You'd think there'd be an issue,
but there's not.
244
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,821
- You need help with that?
- Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!
245
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:14,724
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope.
246
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,456
Hey! I just finished
getting the house ready for Nicole.
247
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,658
It's our weekend with her.
Was Louis mad about the Stephen King...
248
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,464
You know, I have to go.
A wasp flew into my mouth.
249
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:32,835
Oh, hey, Trent. Check this out.
250
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,746
Yo. Coupon for one free hug?
251
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,013
Sorry. I'm all lotion-y.
252
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,548
You know, I'm all about that.
253
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:47,058
Dissed! Maybe you could
borrow some of her lotion for that burn.
254
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:55,025
- She's cutting equally-sized
pieces because of communism. - Oh.
255
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,727
Isn't that right, Jessica?
256
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,827
Because of the communism in your country?
257
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,701
Or I'm just cutting cake.
258
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:03,537
Anyway, we have some exciting news.
259
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,373
We want you to sing
the karaoke number with us.
260
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,106
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
261
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,841
Samantha's out. Her mother died.
262
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,644
Here. Lyrics for you.
263
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:15,551
- Can I interest you in some
Cattleman's Ranch ribs? - Ooh!
264
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,885
You know, Tuesday is ladies night.
265
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:22,553
We have our special...
Melrose Plates... of Steak.
266
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,960
Here you go.
267
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,123
- See? This was the right move.
- It's good.
268
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:34,704
You know, I bet you it'd be real easy
to sabotage one of those cars.
269
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:40,301
Ooh! Are you guys doing a song together?
270
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,711
- We were going to...
- Yes, we are.
271
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,375
We'd invite you to join,
but it's more of a five-person number.
272
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,284
- You understand.
- Wow.
273
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,788
Way to make a girl feel
like Carrie at the prom, huh?
274
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:53,484
I don't get it. Do you get it?
275
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:57,989
No, I don't get it.
276
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:07,762
I heard she gave Burt Reynolds
a tug and tumble...
277
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,240
when they were down here
filming Cop and a Half.
278
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,941
Care to dance?
279
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,004
You know, I'm not really feeling up to it.
280
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,072
Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
281
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,119
Perfect.
282
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:29,627
I guess everyone thinks
I deserve to be treated like some...
283
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,255
home-wrecking stripper.
284
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,490
Trouble with the ladies?
285
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,830
Dude, why is this so hard?
286
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:42,339
'Cause real life isn't a rap video, Eddie.
287
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:45,275
Boys, don't just talk
to each other. Network.
288
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,936
Hey.
289
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,640
I like what you're doing here,
but don't let your mom see.
290
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,848
Look, Eddie, love is tricky.
291
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:56,012
Who said anything about love?
I'm talking about women.
292
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,147
You're just saying that
'cause you've never been in love.
293
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,657
Me? I love love.
294
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:05,095
It's like everything goes in slow motion
and you feel this pain in your heart.
295
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:08,292
It's a good pain...
the pain of Cupid's arrow.
296
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,131
Do you know what woman loves us? Mom.
297
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,194
Love is for moms.
298
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:16,298
You guys are funny.
299
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:19,367
I know I should wait 30 minutes
after I eat before I go in the pool...
300
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,606
but hey, then I'd never go in the pool.
301
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,114
Hey, everyone! Thanks for coming out.
302
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,242
As you know, every year...
303
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,786
the girls and I like
to do a little karaoke number for y'all...
304
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:30,845
when there's a lull in the racing action.
305
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:39,586
And this year, we have chosen a song
by a group called En Vogue.
306
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:42,828
No, it was not a unanimous decision,
but I hope the person among us...
307
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:46,166
She's eating my food.
308
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,570
- Uh... Oh.
- I have something to say.
309
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,132
In Chinese culture,
this is a welcome speech, or "jianghua."
310
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,701
Shut up, Deidre.
311
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,410
I would like to dedicate this song...
312
00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:00,543
to my friend... Honey.
313
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,918
Our friendship might be
off to a rocky start...
314
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:11,054
but just like the haunted '58 Plymouth
in the classic Stephen King novel Christine...
315
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,462
you can't kill it.
316
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:42,259
Your wife has a beautiful voice.
Is she a professional?
317
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:46,821
Uh, no, but she sometimes
sings at our restaurant.
318
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,801
- Uh, the address is on the back.
- Oh.
319
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:17,194
That's my wife. The voice of an angel.
320
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,457
She's performing at Cattleman's Ranch.
321
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,327
No, okay. Yeah.
322
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,139
So, which kid is it?
323
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:39,616
What?
324
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,846
Which kid do you want to see us together?
325
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,780
This isn't my first rodeo.
326
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,559
Ah.
327
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,894
So, what do you need?
Cheek kiss? Hand hold?
328
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,031
Sensual hug?
329
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,866
Full body, three seconds, chest to chest?
330
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:02,338
You got it.
331
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,068
You'd do that for me?
332
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,077
Your mom's a friend of mine.
333
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,635
Come on.
334
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:12,306
Okay. Are they watching?
335
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,820
Oh!
336
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,723
Butt grab.
337
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:30,165
Oh! Okay. All right.
And we got it. Okay.
338
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,434
I'd never been happier than at that moment.
339
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,204
Which is why I didn't see
what happened next coming.
340
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:23,013
- Hi, Nicole!
- Hey, slut.
341
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,613
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, sweetheart!
342
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,352
In that instant...
343
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:31,886
I knew what my brother Emery had been
talking about... the pain of Cupid's arrow.
344
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,932
Watch out!
345
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,398
Or a lawn dart.
346
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,627
It slipped.
347
00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,101
Eddie!
348
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,001
Eddie, what did you do?
349
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,337
Me? I have a dart in my back.
350
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:48,141
Somebody call an ambulance! There's
a hospital right near Cattleman's Ranch!
351
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,949
Hey! Oh, sorry!
352
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,578
The block party turned out to
be a great thing for our family.
353
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,088
My dad was happy that we raised
interest in the restaurant.
354
00:20:58,156 --> 00:20:59,646
You were awesome today.
355
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:04,458
Oh, thank you. And you were... also there.
356
00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:10,167
My mom made
her first friend in Orlando.
357
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,840
And even though I was almost
killed by a lawn dart...
358
00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:22,903
I was happy 'cause I met her.
359
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,877
Yo, I was mad in love.
360
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,489
I think that's a good idea.
361
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:33,990
Hmm.
362
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:44,000
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