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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,067 Orlando, 1995. 2 00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,164 Just as glamorous as it sounds. 3 00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:10,402 My dad moved our family there from DC... 4 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,274 so he could open his own restaurant. 5 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,540 But business wasn't going quite the way he planned. 6 00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:18,050 He planned to have customers, and he didn't. 7 00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,109 Moms was worried too-about money... 8 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,620 and about fitting in with the neighborhood women. 9 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:27,422 So, Melrose Place is about prostitutes who are mad at each other. 10 00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:30,054 Yes. 11 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:33,258 The one person who never seemed to worry was my younger brother Emery. 12 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,994 He blended in like a chameleon. 13 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,468 My favorite movie's Gremlins. 14 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,529 And Grandma and Evan were just hanging out, squishing bugs. 15 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,901 And that's me, your boy Eddie Huang... 16 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:48,141 still straight struggling to fit in at my new school. 17 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,749 Dude, are those nurse's shoes? 18 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,248 Yeah, they're your mom's. 19 00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,381 My mom does happen to be a nurse... 20 00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,153 and she helps sick people get better. 21 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,162 Can't wait to tell everybody the new Chinese kid wears nurse's shoes. 22 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,221 Walter's not wearing Jordans either. 23 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,267 He doesn't need to... he's black. 24 00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,495 That's like built-in Jordans. 25 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,299 This school's ridiculous. 26 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:17,036 They were jerks, but remember, this was 1995, before the Internet. 27 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,408 I couldn't just search "'Asian kids who like hip-hop." 28 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,470 I had to figure out a way to fit in... 29 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,540 or be stuck eating lunch with the janitor and his kite. 30 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,177 I'm just saying, don't call it a seasonal fruit salad... 31 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,778 if it's nothing but melons. 32 00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:49,998 - My famous tuna salad. - Mmm! 33 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,544 - Mac and cheese with bacon bits. - Ooh! 34 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,842 Stinky tofu. 35 00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,108 Hmm. 36 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,480 - That's exotic. - Hmm. 37 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,719 How is this fuller than before? 38 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,122 Aren't you gonna try some? 39 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,888 Oh! No. But I admire you for making it. 40 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,625 It's that enterprising spirit that made Taiwan a world power in little league baseball. 41 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,189 I watched a documentary... 42 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,132 about China in college. 43 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,797 You guys, I am so excited for this year's block party. 44 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,899 - I am so excited about our karaoke number. - Oh! 45 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,841 What's the party for? 46 00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:26,708 The Daytona 500. 47 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,246 What's the Daytona 500? 48 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,441 We watch cars race around speedways 200 times... 49 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,417 stopping only for fuel or engine maintenance... 50 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,579 and although the ultimate cup winner is decided by an elaborate points system... 51 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,714 individual race winners can still celebrate... 52 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,224 by getting a grandfather clock or drinking a glass of milk. 53 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,091 Caveat... drinking milk isn't specifically NASCAR... 54 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,097 - but auto racing in general. - Yeah, right. 55 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,732 Do you have any aspirin? 56 00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,505 Hey, there, neighbor! 57 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:54,665 Hello, neighbor. 58 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,231 - I'm Louis. - I'm Marvin. 59 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:57,401 - Hello. - This is Honey. 60 00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:58,967 - Hello. - Hi! 61 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:00,774 We just got back from a month in the Keys. 62 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,337 Oh, that's wonderful! 63 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,076 You took your daughter on such a nice vacation. 64 00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,811 Your dad is a good man. 65 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,876 Listen to him. Stay in school. 66 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:08,943 She's my wife. 67 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,353 Of course she's your wife. 68 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,220 She doesn't look like you at all. 69 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:17,958 Yikes. 70 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,558 Oh, no. You're reading Stephen King. What's wrong? 71 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,866 I have nothing in common with these neighborhood women. 72 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,806 I miss my friends back in DC. 73 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,866 We had such pleasant talks. 74 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,616 I guess I'm just lonely. 75 00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:47,322 You'll make new friends. It just take time. 76 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,419 And stop reading that book. Those stories always give you nightmares. 77 00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:53,260 You know what gives me nightmares? Our bank account. 78 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:56,666 Stephen King should publish my checkbook. 79 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,164 Mom, can I get the new Air Jordans? 80 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,333 - Wh... - Why not? They don't cost that much. 81 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:06,742 My sneakers aren't fine. You never let me get anything. God! 82 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,246 Wh... 83 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,305 I'm looking forward to when he wants a car. 84 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,151 And there's a point system... 85 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:14,709 and then something happens with a clock... 86 00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,778 - and then the winner drinks milk. - I love it. 87 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,847 Okay, this block party is a great opportunity... 88 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,859 for us to network and promote the restaurant. 89 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,417 - When is it? - I don't know. 90 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,794 There's a party-planning meeting tonight. I sent representatives. 91 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,595 Look, Alice, I don't want to sound like a broken record... 92 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,795 but why not a petting zoo? 93 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:34,203 We need to show people that Cattleman's Ranch has great food, you know? 94 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,708 We got to generate a buzz to bring in the customers. 95 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,506 I'll get a meat smoker. We'll give out steak and ribs. 96 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:43,037 No! Are you crazy? We cannot afford to just give away food. 97 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,107 The restaurant's not making any money. 98 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,947 We can barely pay our bills. 99 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,956 Jessica, it's important to project the image you want people to see. 100 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,983 If you want to be successful, you have to project success. 101 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,892 That's what I needed to do. 102 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,227 I wanted to change the way the kids at school saw me... 103 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,132 so I turned to the one person who could guide me through this... 104 00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,294 Ol' Dirty Bastard. 105 00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:39,836 That's it... a hot girl was the ultimate status symbol. 106 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,307 Even if I couldn't have Jordans, if I had a fine shorty on my arm... 107 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,207 Psss... wouldn't matter. 108 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,371 Thanks, O.D.B. 109 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,677 Be right back! Taking out the trash! 110 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:58,500 Ripped By mstoll 111 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,275 Eddie! 112 00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,838 That's very expensive! 113 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,747 If you want to waste something, you waste water! 114 00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,308 Do not throw juice. 115 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,150 Mom, get out of my fantasy. 116 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,588 Jessica, water doesn't project success. 117 00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,147 Capri Sun does. 118 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:37,925 As does Cattleman's Ranch ribs... great pork at a fair price. 119 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,965 Come on, Fly Girls. Try a rib. Tell a friend. 120 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,932 - This is not free, okay? - Here we go. 121 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,491 I am going to charge you all. 122 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,102 Dad saw an opportunity... 123 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,370 to promote our restaurant at the NASCAR party. 124 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,436 He just needed to figure out what the hell NASCAR was first. 125 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,608 Hello. Uh, do you have any NASCAR videos? 126 00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:01,016 Car or truck? Cup Series or Busch? Short track or road race? 127 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,454 I... Uh, which one is the milk? 128 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:07,084 All right. Come on. 129 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,762 Come on. Let's go walk past the adult section and try to see inside. 130 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,822 I thought those were the Westerns. 131 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,095 Only the sexy ones. 132 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:21,773 They die and leave their wives their money. 133 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,435 Dolores Claiborne. 134 00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:28,844 Sometimes, they're driving home from their mistress's apartment... 135 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,543 and their brakes suddenly fail. 136 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,313 An accident, Dolores... 137 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,288 ...can be an unhappy woman's best friend. 138 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,283 My husband doesn't like it when I watch Stephen King movies. 139 00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:43,851 He thinks I get scared. 140 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,364 - That's the best part. - It's my favorite part. 141 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:49,401 I'm Honey. My husband, Marvin, and I are your neighbors. 142 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,027 Oh. I'm Jessica. 143 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:54,334 - It's so nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 144 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,325 - I'm so hungover. - What? 145 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,385 Hey, girl. How you livin'? 146 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,722 I'm fine. 147 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,236 - Uh, hi. I'm Honey. - Yeah, you are. 148 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:27,101 Eddie, stop acting weird. Go to the bathroom. We're leaving soon. 149 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,539 A'ight, Mama. A'ight. 150 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,577 He seems nice. 151 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,376 - What was that? - Phase one of my plan. 152 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:39,009 I need the guys from school to see me with her. 153 00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,349 No one's gonna care I'm not wearing Jordans after that. 154 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:44,048 But she's, like, a woman. 155 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,351 Exactly! 156 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,449 A fine-ass woman like that... 157 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,051 leaning on me like in rap videos... 158 00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,789 that'll get me mad respect, son. 159 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,457 And these Skittles are compliments... 160 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,933 of that gentleman over there. 161 00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,869 Go on, girl! Taste the rainbow! 162 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:04,906 You know who win every race? The advertising companies. 163 00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,774 Little Debbie. 164 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,872 I knew a Debbie once, but she was not little. 165 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,940 She went by "Big Deb." 166 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,043 I'm going over to Honey's. 167 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,281 I think I found a friend I actually like. 168 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:19,256 Oh, good. That's great. I told you... it just take time. 169 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:23,159 Yo, Moms, you see Honey, ask her how those Skittles treated her. 170 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,129 Why are you giving women candy? 171 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,324 'Cause they so sweet. 172 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,163 Go to your room. 173 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,965 A'ight, Papa. A'ight. 174 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,901 Hmm. 175 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,848 I don't know what this wife's problem is. 176 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,649 If my husband had a big house like Jack Nicholson... 177 00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:52,486 he could put an ax in any door he wants to. 178 00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,959 Why? Because we have 500 other doors and a maze. 179 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,928 Mm-hmm. 180 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:01,433 Oh, I can't believe you are actually eating my food. 181 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,297 This is delicious. 182 00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,667 You know who's gonna love this? Nicole. 183 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:09,299 - Oh, that's Marvin's daughter. She's my stepdaughter. - Oh, that's nice. 184 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:12,037 - She's not even your real daughter, and you love her. - 185 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,012 - Oh, my God. - Oh. That scared me. 186 00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,141 Hello. May I speak to my wife? 187 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:24,883 Look, Louis, I know you don't like me watching Stephen King movies, but this was on... 188 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,948 No, it's not that. It's Honey. 189 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,721 All the neighborhood women hate her. 190 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,785 Well, that's not true. Who tell you that? 191 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,023 Evan. 192 00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,155 It's true. 193 00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,224 They hate her because she ruined Sarah's life. 194 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,600 - Who's Sarah? - Marvin's first wife. 195 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,161 Honey split them up. 196 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:43,140 - Well, how do you know this? - The party-planning meeting. 197 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,645 "Sarah came home early one day and found them on the kitchen floor. " 198 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,737 "The floor that Sarah just cleaned." 199 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,247 "Nol" 200 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,011 "Yes, girl." "Yes." 201 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,844 Then Carol-Joan gave us a preview of the karaoke number. 202 00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,412 Not great. 203 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,652 All right, so they hate her. So what? 204 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:03,820 She is the first person I have met here who I actually like. 205 00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,921 Well, if they find out that you're friends with Honey... 206 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,262 they could turn against you and the restaurant. 207 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,768 They boycotted Rebecca Miller's nail salon... 208 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:14,499 because she copied Mary Jo's Jennifer Aniston haircut. 209 00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,564 You know, "The Rachel." 210 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:19,076 Oh, my sweet boy, that's a lot of names. 211 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:23,377 Look, Jessica, you know more than anyone how much we're struggling. 212 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:26,907 We can't afford to give people any reason to avoid our business. 213 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,018 Okay. You are right. 214 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,524 It is not worth risking the future of the restaurant... 215 00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,083 - for somebody who I have just met. - Exactly. 216 00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,153 Pick any other woman to be friends with. 217 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,698 Swing a cat, hit a white woman, be friends with her. 218 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,566 Because our number one priority should be the restaurant succeeding, and... 219 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:50,430 Oh, you know, I thought I saw a ghost in the window. 220 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,500 But there was not a ghost. 221 00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,739 I am fine. 222 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,645 And no more Stephen King movies! 223 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:08,115 You know, like our favorite sport, NASCAR... 224 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:11,652 why not speed over to Cattleman's Ranch... 225 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,790 for great tastes at an affordable price? 226 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:15,356 I... I'm just kidding. 227 00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,902 Drive the speed limit, but, still, come. 228 00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,268 All right, when I say, "Rib eye," you say, "Steak"! 229 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,671 - Rib eye! - Steak! 230 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,437 All right, we're having fun! 231 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,273 Welcome! 232 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,006 Food goes on the picnic table... 233 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,516 which is over there where the petting zoo should have been. 234 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,582 Why aren't you handing out coupons? 235 00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:41,489 Who you looking for? 236 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,687 Honey. I mean, a honey. 237 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,253 A honey woman. 238 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,322 Hand out the coupons, man. 239 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:51,062 Hey, this is Simone and Bianca. 240 00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,627 - Hey. - Hi. 241 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,696 - You have two dates? - Oh, it's cool. 242 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,366 We're supportive of each other. 243 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,603 You'd think there'd be an issue, but there's not. 244 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,821 - You need help with that? - Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! 245 00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:14,724 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope. 246 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,456 Hey! I just finished getting the house ready for Nicole. 247 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,658 It's our weekend with her. Was Louis mad about the Stephen King... 248 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,464 You know, I have to go. A wasp flew into my mouth. 249 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:32,835 Oh, hey, Trent. Check this out. 250 00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,746 Yo. Coupon for one free hug? 251 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,013 Sorry. I'm all lotion-y. 252 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,548 You know, I'm all about that. 253 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:47,058 Dissed! Maybe you could borrow some of her lotion for that burn. 254 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:55,025 - She's cutting equally-sized pieces because of communism. - Oh. 255 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,727 Isn't that right, Jessica? 256 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,827 Because of the communism in your country? 257 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,701 Or I'm just cutting cake. 258 00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:03,537 Anyway, we have some exciting news. 259 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,373 We want you to sing the karaoke number with us. 260 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,106 - You do? - Mm-hmm. 261 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,841 Samantha's out. Her mother died. 262 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,644 Here. Lyrics for you. 263 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:15,551 - Can I interest you in some Cattleman's Ranch ribs? - Ooh! 264 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,885 You know, Tuesday is ladies night. 265 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:22,553 We have our special... Melrose Plates... of Steak. 266 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,960 Here you go. 267 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,123 - See? This was the right move. - It's good. 268 00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:34,704 You know, I bet you it'd be real easy to sabotage one of those cars. 269 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:40,301 Ooh! Are you guys doing a song together? 270 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,711 - We were going to... - Yes, we are. 271 00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,375 We'd invite you to join, but it's more of a five-person number. 272 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,284 - You understand. - Wow. 273 00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,788 Way to make a girl feel like Carrie at the prom, huh? 274 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:53,484 I don't get it. Do you get it? 275 00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:57,989 No, I don't get it. 276 00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:07,762 I heard she gave Burt Reynolds a tug and tumble... 277 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,240 when they were down here filming Cop and a Half. 278 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,941 Care to dance? 279 00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,004 You know, I'm not really feeling up to it. 280 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,072 Oh, come on. It'll be fun. 281 00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,119 Perfect. 282 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:29,627 I guess everyone thinks I deserve to be treated like some... 283 00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,255 home-wrecking stripper. 284 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,490 Trouble with the ladies? 285 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,830 Dude, why is this so hard? 286 00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:42,339 'Cause real life isn't a rap video, Eddie. 287 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:45,275 Boys, don't just talk to each other. Network. 288 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,936 Hey. 289 00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,640 I like what you're doing here, but don't let your mom see. 290 00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,848 Look, Eddie, love is tricky. 291 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:56,012 Who said anything about love? I'm talking about women. 292 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,147 You're just saying that 'cause you've never been in love. 293 00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,657 Me? I love love. 294 00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:05,095 It's like everything goes in slow motion and you feel this pain in your heart. 295 00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:08,292 It's a good pain... the pain of Cupid's arrow. 296 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,131 Do you know what woman loves us? Mom. 297 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,194 Love is for moms. 298 00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:16,298 You guys are funny. 299 00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:19,367 I know I should wait 30 minutes after I eat before I go in the pool... 300 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,606 but hey, then I'd never go in the pool. 301 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,114 Hey, everyone! Thanks for coming out. 302 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,242 As you know, every year... 303 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,786 the girls and I like to do a little karaoke number for y'all... 304 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:30,845 when there's a lull in the racing action. 305 00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:39,586 And this year, we have chosen a song by a group called En Vogue. 306 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:42,828 No, it was not a unanimous decision, but I hope the person among us... 307 00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:46,166 She's eating my food. 308 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,570 - Uh... Oh. - I have something to say. 309 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,132 In Chinese culture, this is a welcome speech, or "jianghua." 310 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,701 Shut up, Deidre. 311 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,410 I would like to dedicate this song... 312 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:00,543 to my friend... Honey. 313 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,918 Our friendship might be off to a rocky start... 314 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:11,054 but just like the haunted '58 Plymouth in the classic Stephen King novel Christine... 315 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,462 you can't kill it. 316 00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:42,259 Your wife has a beautiful voice. Is she a professional? 317 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:46,821 Uh, no, but she sometimes sings at our restaurant. 318 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,801 - Uh, the address is on the back. - Oh. 319 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:17,194 That's my wife. The voice of an angel. 320 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,457 She's performing at Cattleman's Ranch. 321 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,327 No, okay. Yeah. 322 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,139 So, which kid is it? 323 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:39,616 What? 324 00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,846 Which kid do you want to see us together? 325 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,780 This isn't my first rodeo. 326 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,559 Ah. 327 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,894 So, what do you need? Cheek kiss? Hand hold? 328 00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,031 Sensual hug? 329 00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,866 Full body, three seconds, chest to chest? 330 00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:02,338 You got it. 331 00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,068 You'd do that for me? 332 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,077 Your mom's a friend of mine. 333 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,635 Come on. 334 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:12,306 Okay. Are they watching? 335 00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,820 Oh! 336 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,723 Butt grab. 337 00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:30,165 Oh! Okay. All right. And we got it. Okay. 338 00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,434 I'd never been happier than at that moment. 339 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,204 Which is why I didn't see what happened next coming. 340 00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:23,013 - Hi, Nicole! - Hey, slut. 341 00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:25,613 - Hi, Daddy. - Hi, sweetheart! 342 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,352 In that instant... 343 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:31,886 I knew what my brother Emery had been talking about... the pain of Cupid's arrow. 344 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,932 Watch out! 345 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,398 Or a lawn dart. 346 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,627 It slipped. 347 00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,101 Eddie! 348 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,001 Eddie, what did you do? 349 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,337 Me? I have a dart in my back. 350 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:48,141 Somebody call an ambulance! There's a hospital right near Cattleman's Ranch! 351 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,949 Hey! Oh, sorry! 352 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,578 The block party turned out to be a great thing for our family. 353 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,088 My dad was happy that we raised interest in the restaurant. 354 00:20:58,156 --> 00:20:59,646 You were awesome today. 355 00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:04,458 Oh, thank you. And you were... also there. 356 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:10,167 My mom made her first friend in Orlando. 357 00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,840 And even though I was almost killed by a lawn dart... 358 00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:22,903 I was happy 'cause I met her. 359 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,877 Yo, I was mad in love. 360 00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,489 I think that's a good idea. 361 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:33,990 Hmm. 362 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:44,000 Ripped By mstoll 28359

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