All language subtitles for Connie.and.Carla.2004.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-QOQ
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,053
( bell rings )
2
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,191
Boy:
Hey, check it out.
Look at those two losers.
3
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:00,194
- Girl: Hi, everyone,
we're Connie...
- Girl #2: And Carla.
4
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,196
- ( laughing )
- Nerds.
5
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,465
PA:
Attention please.
The yearbook committee
6
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,767
will meet today at 3:40
in the library.
7
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,370
- Good crowd.
- Connie, are you sure
we should?
8
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,240
Don't forget
the harmony in
the second verse, okay?
9
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,475
- Okay.
- This is going
to work, Carla.
10
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:18,045
- We just have
to stick to my plan.
- Right, the plan.
11
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,714
We're gonna be huge.
Huge.
12
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,984
PA:
All students registered
for the planetarium
13
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,454
field trip should
now be on the bus.
14
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,056
- ( tape playing "Oklahoma" )
- Boy: Get off the stage!
15
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:32,260
- ( kids laughing )
- * Oklahoma
16
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,596
* Where the wind comes
sweeping down the plain *
17
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,132
- * And the waving wheat
- They're freaks.
18
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:42,670
* Can sure smell sweet
when the wind comes right
behind the rain... *
19
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:47,275
* Oklahoma
20
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:50,043
* Every night
my honey lamb and I *
21
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,712
* We sit alone and talk
22
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,514
* And watch a hawk
23
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,749
* Makin' lazy circles
in the sky *
24
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,185
* Oklahoma.
25
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,287
( woman over P.A.)
United Airlines flight 539
26
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,822
to Minneapolis
is now boarding at
27
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,424
- gate 31B.
- ( airport PA chatter )
28
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,560
* Jesus Christ
29
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,429
* Superstar
30
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:14,702
* Do you think you're
what they say you are? *
31
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,207
* Papa, can you
hear me? *
32
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:23,411
* Papa,
are you near me? *
33
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,647
* Papa, how I miss you
34
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,150
* Kissing me
35
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:36,957
* Good night *
36
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,228
* Papa. *
37
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,764
- ( blows )
- Thank you, you've been
a great crowd.
38
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,733
All of you.
39
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,610
* Memory
40
00:02:56,710 --> 00:03:02,350
* All alone
in the moonlight,
I can smile... *
41
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,885
Man:
And the greatest thing
about that car show is...
42
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,121
you can sit
in any car you want
for as long as you want.
43
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,624
Yeah, I remember
that from last year.
44
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,093
Cut it out, Al.
45
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,429
You know, Carla,
me and Al just got
this new job.
46
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,532
- We're loading stuff
in this warehouse.
- That's great.
47
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,134
- What's your problem?
- I'm trying to eat, okay?
48
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:24,438
What are you
doing here anyway?
I told you we broke up.
49
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,675
- Again?
- Let's go, Carla.
50
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,711
- Where you going?
- Mikey, the second show.
51
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,281
Yeah, Mikey,
the second show.
Have some respect--
52
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:37,117
don't you realize
we're in the presence
of the great waitresses?
53
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,886
- Al, shut it.
- No, you shut it, Connie.
54
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:42,122
You and that stupid show,
you're like sad, you know?
55
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,957
After all these years,
just face the fact
56
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,659
it's not going to happen
and give up.
57
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,529
- What?
- What's your problem?
58
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:51,399
What is wrong with you?
Why can't you just be normal?
59
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:54,268
Al, I only have one life.
60
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,305
I want it to be a happy one.
Let's get out of here.
61
00:03:58,606 --> 00:03:59,940
Come on, Carla.
62
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,544
Carla, please.
63
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,414
Let's go.
64
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,983
You're a dreamer, Connie.
Wake up.
65
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,556
I told you that layover
from Madison would
bring people in.
66
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,224
Connie, Carla!
67
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,727
We're gonna
be able to pay you
back soon, Frank.
68
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:23,297
We needed more wigs
than we thought, and we have
to do some advertising.
69
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,435
- Good show.
- Oh.
70
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,470
- You girls are great.
- ( giggles )
71
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,306
- I gotta go see
about a delivery.
- Both: Thanks, Frank.
72
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,410
Hey, Frank,
73
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,746
Rudy's looking for you.
74
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,194
Carla, dinner theater
will be so in again.
75
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,930
Yeah, Debbie Reynolds
definitely knew what
she was doing.
76
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,700
- Debbie Reynolds--
"Darling!"
- Darling.
77
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,336
- Chins up, boobs out--
- It's show time.
78
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,505
- Oh.
- Oh, actually,
the show's over, sorry.
79
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,240
- Come back in a month when
the show will be huge.
- Huge.
80
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,609
- We're Connie...
- And Carla.
81
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,211
- Do you like musicals?
- Stop talking, strange women.
82
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,882
I can tell by your lovely
accent you're a visitor
to this country-- and welcome.
83
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,117
Where is fat man?
84
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,686
He has
a gland problem.
85
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,389
( gasping )
86
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,358
Where's Frank?
87
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,228
He just left, Rudy.
88
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,098
- Where does he park?
- On the rooftop.
89
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,367
Tibor, let's go.
90
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:38,472
- ( gasps )
- Nice to meet you,
Connie, Carla.
91
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,646
( airport PA chatter )
92
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,815
- We gotta warn Frank.
Let's go.
- ( gasps )
93
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,319
- ( groaning )
- The shipment
is short-- again.
94
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,455
Frank:
I didn't take
anything, Rudy.
95
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:58,025
You were the only one
who handled the transport.
So now I have to kill ya.
96
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,127
- Frank: No, don't!
- Let's go get security.
97
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,862
- Rudy: I don't want
to do it.
- Look.
98
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,064
- Rudy: Where's the money?
- ( screams )
99
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,434
- How long has this
been going on?
- Just in time.
100
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,503
- ( sobbing )
- How long?
101
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:16,877
Officer, look
these guys are big time
coke dealers.
102
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,813
You take me in,
I'll tell you anything
you want to know, okay?
103
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,049
I left the stuff
at the lounge
with some girls.
104
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:26,153
You just go ask
for Connie and Carla,
Connie and Carla.
105
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,824
( chuckles )
106
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,965
- ( gunshot )
- ( both screaming )
107
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,833
Connie and Carla!
108
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,435
( yelps )
109
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,242
( continuing screaming )
110
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,978
( gunshot )
111
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:01,054
Carla:
Oh God, oh God,
oh God...
112
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,557
- Carla, please, Carla--
- ( thumps )
113
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,626
( gasps )
Okay, why the throat?
114
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,360
I can't believe
you actually--
115
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,897
Carla, calm down,
your voice is giving me
cramps.
116
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,666
- Those guys
are going to kill us.
- Carla, we're okay.
117
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,502
Oh my God,
there they are!
118
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:17,070
( screams )
119
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,440
- ( gunshot )
- Did I get 'em?
Did I get 'em?
120
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,142
- They're still coming.
- ( gunshots )
121
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,847
- Please say
where you're going.
- We don't know, Ma.
122
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,517
We just realized
we have to make a move
for our careers.
123
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,952
- We're not in trouble
or anything.
- Connie, Carla!
124
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,854
Are you prostitutes?
125
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,924
- ( gasps )
- We'll call you.
126
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,626
Okay.
127
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,596
- ( screams )
- What is that?
128
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,998
- What are you doing here?
- Your moms called.
129
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,801
- Where were you going?
- We're going away for a while.
130
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,738
Oh, I get it.
Last week you supposedly
break up with me,
131
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:54,407
now you pretend you're
leavin' and bump-bump-a-da,
I'm supposed to propose.
132
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:58,746
- You want us to marry you.
- What are you talking about?
We're not even pre-engaged.
133
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,614
Mikey, if you want
to propose, I'm ready.
134
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,415
( sighs )
Oh...
135
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:05,653
Mikey, don't get trapped.
We been dating other girls
anyway.
136
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,755
Yeah, we've been--
What?
137
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,524
( gasps )
138
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,060
Drive, Thelma, drive!
139
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,551
Rudy:
What do you got?
140
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,988
Sputnik,
you can't find
two stupid women
141
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:44,792
who have my kilo
and saw me blow
someone's head off?
142
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:47,561
This is all
that was there.
143
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,534
Tibor:
Business contacts.
144
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,871
"Old Town Dinner Theater,
St. Louis.
145
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,708
Lincoln House Dinner Theater,
Kansas City.
146
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,176
- Balcony Dinner Theater--"
- They've left town.
147
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,752
Wait, where's my work tote?
Oh God.
148
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,186
( gasps )
I think you left it.
149
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,723
Great, now those guys
know everything about us.
150
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,158
- You don't have our
home address in there?
- No, no.
151
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,093
( sighs )
We should just go
to the police.
152
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,995
A cop shot poor Frank.
153
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,364
Just let me think.
I'm trying to make up
a new plan.
154
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,166
Where can we go?
155
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,569
- New York?
- New York?
156
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,705
- New York's too obvious.
- Florida?
157
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,641
- Florida?
- They can't hide.
158
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,042
We can't hide.
159
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,845
- We gotta go someplace
where we can blend in.
- Okay.
160
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:41,248
Somewhere where
they'd never look for us,
because there's no theater,
161
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:44,151
no musical theater,
no dinner theater,
no culture at all.
162
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,187
Los Angeles.
163
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,629
We could be LA girls now.
164
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,665
We should work out.
165
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,068
( laughing )
166
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,739
- Good one.
- Thank you.
167
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,343
Oh, oh.
168
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,312
I think I have a tissue.
Here.
169
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,450
What's this?
170
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,052
I don't know.
171
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,089
( screams )
172
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,390
I can't see.
173
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,126
- ( coughs )
- Oh, it tastes
really funny.
174
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,097
Don't inhale.
Spit it out,
stop breathing.
175
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,966
- Where'd you get that?
- I didn't get it.
176
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,102
- Carla, it was in your bag.
- ( coughing )
177
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,372
( honks )
178
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,746
Carla:
We've been rehearsing a lot
and he's got that new job.
179
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,547
What if he doesn't even
have a new job?
180
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,683
What if he's found
somebody else?
That's it,
181
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,585
Mikey cheated
'cause I was working nights.
It's not his fault.
182
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,621
It was that waitress
at Dodo's Dinner.
183
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:57,190
She looks at him funny
when she brings him
his cheese melt.
184
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,226
"Hi, Mikey..."
( mock giggles, gags )
185
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,830
She makes me sick she's
so sweet-- so sweet like
the devil in devil's food cake.
186
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,265
She makes me want to puke.
She makes me want to vomit.
187
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,668
- It's okay, Carla,
it's okay.
- ( sighs )
188
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,138
We deserve better though,
that's for sure.
189
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,846
You know what?
No more time for losers,
Carla.
190
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,080
( sighs )
Mm-hmm.
191
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,582
When one door closes,
another door opens.
192
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,286
Yeah, life is like a patio door,
you never know which side
is going to be open.
193
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,588
Mm-hmm, and you walk
into the glass.
194
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,892
( "Born to be Wild" playing )
195
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,869
* Get your motor runnin'
196
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:45,138
* Head out
on the highway *
197
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,741
* Looking for adventure
198
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:51,845
* And whatever comes
our way *
199
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:55,048
* Yeah, darlin',
go make it happen *
200
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,418
* Take the world
in a love embrace *
201
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,254
* Fire all of your
guns at once *
202
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:05,092
* And explode into space
203
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,261
- ( honking )
- * Born to be wild...
204
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,664
Carla:
They look friendly here.
205
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,634
- Ooh, I really like it here.
- Connie: Yeah, me too.
206
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,804
- I got a good feeling
about this.
- Yeah?
207
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,338
- Yeah.
- Me too.
208
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,108
- ( giggles )
- Okay, it really
feels safe here.
209
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:24,344
- ( bangs )
- Oh, gunshot!
Connie, they found us.
210
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,080
- We're gonna die!
- Let me look,
let me look.
211
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,916
( bangs )
212
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:32,786
- ( bangs )
- Oh, we're okay,
we're okay.
213
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,055
- ( jackhammering, bangs )
- ( chuckles )
214
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:38,225
( sighs )
Oh, cute.
215
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,493
Connie:
Don't bother, Carla.
They're all just
216
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,663
Als and Mikeys
with a tan.
217
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,098
No more boyfriends
for us.
218
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,269
Oh, wait, backup,
backup.
219
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,885
- Connie's mom:
Where are you? Are you okay?
- Carla's mom: They're not okay.
220
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,786
- Are you eating?
- Mom-- We're eating!
221
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,856
What are you doing
for money?
222
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,825
- I'm sure they've got jobs--
- Yeah, as prostitutes.
223
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,527
Tour guide:
I'd be hard-pressed
to say I can't remember
224
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,064
a better looking
group of tourists
and I mean that.
225
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,199
I hope you're ready,
'cause today is the day
226
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,968
when all the stars
are coming out.
227
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,203
So, keep your cameras ready,
'cause here we go.
228
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,972
- ( police siren )
- Oh, look at that,
229
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:27,040
another celebrity
getting arrested.
230
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,076
( laughs )
Kidding, I'm kidding.
231
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,078
- Okay, now--
- Excuse me, sir.
232
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,947
- Could we please drive by
Debbie Reynolds' house?
- Oh yeah!
233
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,849
No, that's not
on the tour.
234
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:39,252
- ( gasps )
- Keep your eyes peeled
both left and right--
235
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,355
- Sir, sir.
- because celebrities will just
pop out at ya at any time.
236
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:43,490
Connie: Sir.
237
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,193
Hi, are there
any dinner theaters
in town?
238
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,495
Not in this decade.
239
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,798
- Now--
- Sir, isn't there a place
240
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:55,168
- where we could sit
for dinner and a show?
- Yeah, my face!
241
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,879
Man:
Hey, it's Jeff,
242
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,749
I came by to see you again,
but you're not home again.
243
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,752
But I'm bound to run
into you sometime, right?
244
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,955
I'm gonna keep trying.
So...
245
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,890
anyway,
I can't wait to see you.
246
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,492
I will talk
to you later.
247
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,868
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
248
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,511
( sighs )
None of these jobs
pay real money.
249
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,314
- I know.
- I'll go make some calls.
250
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,315
Okay.
251
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,052
We'll find something.
252
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,354
We're the only salon
in Los Angeles
253
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,556
that does the Hijiki
Herbal Clay Wrap.
254
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,492
You have done
wrapping before?
255
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,963
Oh, yeah,
there's a ton of these
salons in France.
256
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:59,366
Where we're from...
( mimics French accent )
originally.
257
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,568
Oh, très bien.
258
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,572
You can finish it then.
259
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,474
Seal it tightly
with ductile sheathing.
260
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,009
Right.
261
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,246
- Excuse me,
Mrs. Morse.
- Oh, sure.
262
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,449
Okay.
263
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,058
- Is that too tight?
- No, no, this is good.
264
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,827
It'll help squish out
all that water I've been
retaining.
265
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,230
- 15 lbs. to go.
- Mrs. Morse, you're thin.
266
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,699
- No, no, I'm not.
- You are really.
267
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,135
No, no, no.
268
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:39,439
- Oh...
- I can't even get my butt
through this door.
269
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,342
- ( rings )
- Hello, the "I Hate
My Body" Salon.
270
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,044
- May I help you?
- ( giggles )
271
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,079
Hello?
Hello? Hello?
272
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,248
- Oh, they're gone.
- ( laughs )
273
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,150
( gasps )
274
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,587
Connie:
Mrs. Morse,
are you okay?
275
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,589
The girl said
it's the new look.
276
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,891
Straw hair
and beige lipstick?
277
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:02,095
It's the new
California look, right?
278
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,497
- Yeah, for dead
Californians.
- ( groans )
279
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,634
Don't be sad,
we can help you.
280
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,411
( gasps )
281
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,647
( sighs )
I love it.
282
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,382
( all laugh )
283
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,317
You're fired.
284
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,356
Now we don't have
any money for rent.
285
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,058
This is so hard!
286
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,959
I miss Mikey
and poor Frank is dead.
287
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,994
When they find us,
we're dead too.
288
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,897
What are you doing?
289
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,332
- We need to get drunk.
- What?
290
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,470
( dance music playing )
291
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,326
( disco music playing )
292
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,328
( cheering )
293
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,363
( whistles )
294
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,569
- Man: Shake it, girls.
- ( wolf whistles )
295
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:24,544
* Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing,
yeah, yeah *
296
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,115
* Show 'em
how to do it now *
297
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:31,118
* Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing *
298
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,120
* Yeah, yeah
299
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,422
* Show 'em
how to do it now *
300
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,956
* Show 'em how
to do it now... *
301
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,793
- They sound great.
- They're lip-synching.
302
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,131
* Bad enough
to strut our stuff *
303
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:47,700
* The music gives us
a chance... *
304
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,103
- Mary?
- Yes, Mary?
305
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,106
Did you hear,
they're moving
their act to Vegas.
306
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,542
- Wow.
- This is it.
307
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,777
If we could do
our act here,
I could die happy.
308
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,147
Can anyone
audition?
309
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,350
Yes, I can.
We're going
to get the job.
310
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,052
Don't get your
hopes up, sweetie,
it's an audition.
311
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,987
We have to
practice tomorrow.
312
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,159
Ooh, I know what
we're going to wear--
chickapow!
313
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,395
( cheering )
314
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:20,133
* We've got the rhythm
tonight! *
315
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,569
( whispers )
316
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,538
- Are you crazy?
- Why not?
317
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,275
- Because we're women.
- No one needs to know that.
318
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,343
No way, Connie,
no way.
319
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,512
Ready? Smile.
320
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,263
Yeah?
321
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,735
( deeper voice )
Mary, we heard you were
looking for a new act.
322
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:59,272
That's right--
Mr.... Mary.
323
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:05,478
Doll, stop praying,
you're looking at
the second coming.
324
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:07,747
Sign in.
325
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,617
Go backstage,
you're on last.
326
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:20,827
- God, I'm beautiful.
- Where does he find that?
327
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,396
- Grab your tapes.
- Here you go, girl.
328
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,732
- Tape, your tape.
- Thank you.
329
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,066
Here, here, here, here.
330
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,801
- Go again, eh?
- Thanks.
331
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,937
This isn't working.
332
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,541
All right, try this.
333
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:38,311
( deep voice )
Girl, what you wearing,
your prom dress?
334
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,281
( deep voice )
Girl, what you wearing
your prom dress for?
335
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,083
( snaps )
Better?
336
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,185
- Mm-hmm.
- What about our voices?
337
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,389
- Way too high to be guys.
- See, this is going
to lower the key.
338
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,091
( tape squeaks )
339
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,993
Don't forget to adjust
on the harmony.
340
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,662
- Okay.
- Okay.
341
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,431
Carla, come on,
throw your shoulders back--
have some attitude.
342
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,667
It hurts.
These tight tops
make us so flat.
343
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:04,471
Right, we look
just like them,
except they have these.
344
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,106
There...
345
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,776
Al and Mikey were right,
we are dreamers.
346
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,379
That audience
is going to see
straight through us.
347
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:16,148
- It could get ugly.
- Carla, for one night
we get to sing again.
348
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,352
Come on, chins up,
boobs out, it's show time.
349
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,889
- Shazaam.
- ( laughs )
350
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,925
( recording playing )
* It's just a jump
to the left *
351
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,228
* Then a step
to the right *
352
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,398
* With your hands
on your hips *
353
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,567
* You bring your knees
in tight *
354
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,270
* But it's the pelvic thrust
355
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,839
* That really
drives you insane *
356
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:45,512
* Let's do
the Time Warp again. *
357
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,953
Man:
That's awful.
358
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,755
( sparse clapping )
359
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,824
Bar manager:
How about a big...
360
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,560
hand for our very own
361
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,329
Peaches N' Cream?
362
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,431
That's enough hitting me
with that duster.
363
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,265
- I loved it.
- You were better than me.
364
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,969
All right, our next act
is in town from... Winnipeg.
365
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:12,505
They're new,
so be nice.
366
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,475
- You didn't tell
him our real names?
- I took care of it.
367
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:18,745
Please welcome
Al and Mikey.
368
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:32,659
( piano music playing )
369
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:37,797
Oh-- "Cabaret,"
original.
370
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,368
Wait, it's Liza-- again.
371
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:44,871
- I can't do it.
- Yes, you can.
372
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,439
No...
373
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:54,847
( crowd chatting )
374
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:01,921
* Maybe this time
375
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:05,291
* I'll be lucky
376
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:07,994
* Maybe this time
he'll stay *
377
00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:13,433
* Maybe this time *
378
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,936
* For the first time
379
00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:19,506
* Love won't hurry away...
380
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:21,641
Is she singing?
381
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,710
Yes, he is.
382
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:27,514
* He will hold me fast
383
00:22:27,614 --> 00:22:34,153
* I'll be home
at last *
384
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,557
* Not a loser anymore *
385
00:22:37,657 --> 00:22:39,859
* Like the last time
386
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:44,163
* And the time before
387
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,999
* Everybody *
388
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,902
* Loves a winner
389
00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:54,040
* So nobody loved me
390
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:57,710
* Lady Peaceful
391
00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:00,713
* Lady Happy
392
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:05,184
* That's what
I long to be *
393
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,254
* All the odds are *
394
00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:10,723
* In my favor *
395
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:16,295
* Something's bound
to begin *
396
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,698
* It's gotta happen
397
00:23:18,798 --> 00:23:21,333
* Happen sometime
398
00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:24,036
* Maybe this time *
399
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:26,839
* Maybe this time
400
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:33,813
* I'll win.
401
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,628
- Bravo.
- ( cheering )
402
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,064
Oh my God.
403
00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:54,200
- ( giggles )
- Thank you.
404
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:58,671
We're Connie...
405
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:02,041
And Carla.
406
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:05,578
Hit it.
407
00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:08,648
( piano playing )
408
00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:11,718
* I'm just a girl
who cain't say no *
409
00:24:11,818 --> 00:24:14,754
* I'm in a turrible fix
410
00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:18,357
* I always say
come on, let's go *
411
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,026
* Just when I oughta say--
412
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:24,363
* Don't cry for me,
Argentina *
413
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,967
* The truth is
I never left you *
414
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:30,169
* All through
my wild days *
415
00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:32,639
* My mad existence
416
00:24:32,739 --> 00:24:34,874
* I kept my promise
417
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,743
* Don't keep your distance
418
00:24:45,885 --> 00:24:48,087
* Have I said
too much? *
419
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:54,527
* There's nothing
more I can think of
to say to you *
420
00:24:54,627 --> 00:24:57,229
* But all you have to do
421
00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,431
* Is look at me to know
422
00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:01,300
* That every word
423
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,871
* Is true *
424
00:25:04,971 --> 00:25:08,941
All:
* Don't cry for me,
Argentina *
425
00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:13,112
* The truth is
I never left you *
426
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:15,147
* All through my wild days
427
00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:17,116
* My mad existence
428
00:25:17,216 --> 00:25:19,418
* I kept my promise
429
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,854
* Don't keep your distance.
430
00:25:30,797 --> 00:25:32,264
( cheering )
431
00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:40,673
( Connie squealing )
432
00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:42,541
- What just happened?
- Oh my God.
433
00:25:42,642 --> 00:25:45,211
You guys, where the hell
did you queens come from?
434
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:46,846
The "Evita" stuff
made me tingle.
435
00:25:46,946 --> 00:25:48,480
The "Evita" stuff
made me tingle.
436
00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,182
Wednesdays and Sundays--
200 a week.
437
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:54,854
300 a week
and 10% of the door.
438
00:25:54,954 --> 00:25:56,723
No way, okay, fine.
439
00:25:58,357 --> 00:26:00,292
Congratulations,
you guys were fabulous.
440
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:02,228
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
441
00:26:03,329 --> 00:26:04,230
Come on, Toto.
442
00:26:09,836 --> 00:26:13,205
Having trouble making
ends meet-- not the first time.
443
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:14,941
May not be able
to pay you that much.
444
00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:18,678
- That's okay.
- Yeah.
445
00:26:19,946 --> 00:26:21,814
See you tomorrow,
Connie and Carla.
446
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,620
Ooooh-- they all know
our real names.
447
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,523
Who cares? We're in!
Oh my God, we're in.
448
00:26:31,624 --> 00:26:33,259
Oh, Carla,
we're in, we're in.
449
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,027
- Okay.
- Okay.
450
00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:39,932
Chorus:
* You coax the blues
right out of the horn *
451
00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:42,001
* Mame
452
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:45,905
* You charm the husk
right off of the corn... *
453
00:26:46,005 --> 00:26:48,174
- ( phone rings )
- * Mame
454
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,710
- * You've got the banjos
strummin'... *
- Hello.
455
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:53,079
Rudy:
Tibor, what are you doing?
Are they there?
456
00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:56,382
No, Rudy, they're not here.
Hey, what about tracing
the license plate?
457
00:26:56,482 --> 00:26:58,685
( mocks )
What about tracing
the license plate?
458
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,319
If you had written
it down, idiot!
459
00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:02,188
Carla:
* You'll be lost
460
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:06,092
* You'll be
so so sorry *
461
00:27:06,192 --> 00:27:10,096
* When I'm gone
462
00:27:10,196 --> 00:27:12,531
* Sleep and I shall
soothe you *
463
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,801
* Calm you
and anoint you *
464
00:27:14,901 --> 00:27:18,237
- * Myrrh for your
hot forehead *
- * Oh
465
00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:21,440
* Then you'll feel
everything's all right *
466
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,676
* Yes, everything's fine *
467
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:27,013
* Close your eyes,
close your eyes
and relax *
468
00:27:27,113 --> 00:27:32,218
* Because everything's fine.
469
00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,353
( cheering )
470
00:27:36,455 --> 00:27:38,257
- You've been great.
- You've been real.
471
00:27:38,357 --> 00:27:40,326
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
472
00:27:43,262 --> 00:27:44,396
You know...
473
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,833
it's hard to meet
a guy in this town,
474
00:27:46,933 --> 00:27:48,868
let alone in Nazareth.
475
00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:52,705
Hey, Carla, I feel sorry
for Mary Magdalene.
476
00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:54,707
Oh, why is that, Connie?
477
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:57,443
She finally decides
to mend her ways,
478
00:27:57,543 --> 00:28:00,146
go on the straight
path and she falls
for this guy--
479
00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:02,348
33 years old,
still living
with his mother,
480
00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:05,718
who's never gonna accept
a shiksa with a past
for a daughter-in-law.
481
00:28:05,818 --> 00:28:08,220
( all laugh )
482
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,622
I love it.
I can finally say
what I think.
483
00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:12,825
I know.
When we were doing
the show in Chicago
484
00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:14,861
and you would say,
you know, dirty stuff,
485
00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:16,462
I could feel
the audience going,
486
00:28:16,562 --> 00:28:18,731
"Oh no, don't do that.
Where's my dessert?"
487
00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:21,667
- But now, dressed like a guy...
- We can say anything we want.
488
00:28:21,768 --> 00:28:24,737
...but with LA men,
the bulge in their pants
is a cell phone.
489
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:25,872
( all laughing )
490
00:28:29,075 --> 00:28:32,879
All right, that's it.
I have not seen you laugh
once tonight.
491
00:28:32,979 --> 00:28:34,847
Can you not see
how fabulous we are?
492
00:28:34,947 --> 00:28:37,316
I love the show.
493
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:39,952
Mary, that is scary,
your face doesn't move
when you talk.
494
00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:42,088
Oh... botox.
495
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,891
Cow poison?
496
00:28:44,991 --> 00:28:46,325
( gasps )
Oh, no.
497
00:28:46,425 --> 00:28:48,861
How many of you deaden
your wrinkles with that crap?
498
00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,563
Hmm,
499
00:28:51,798 --> 00:28:52,965
four, huh?
500
00:28:55,367 --> 00:28:58,304
- Five.
- Oh, come on,
be honest.
501
00:28:59,405 --> 00:29:00,873
( laughing )
502
00:29:00,973 --> 00:29:02,174
Connie:
Yeah, mmm-hmm.
503
00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:05,044
Boys and girls,
God put us on this earth
to have a laugh,
504
00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:06,645
hence the term
"laugh lines."
505
00:29:06,879 --> 00:29:08,380
( deep laugh )
506
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,850
That's what it looks like.
Do yourselves a favor,
507
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:13,352
let your eyes crinkle,
let your skin wrinkle.
508
00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,154
Our lines show
that we've lived.
509
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:18,424
If he doesn't love you
when you look like a map,
tell him to hit the road.
510
00:29:18,524 --> 00:29:20,026
( cheering )
511
00:29:23,062 --> 00:29:24,897
Wow, good one.
512
00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:26,799
What you got there,
Carla?
513
00:29:26,899 --> 00:29:28,667
Well, Connie,
I do believe
514
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:31,670
it's time
for "South Pacific"
sing-along!
515
00:29:31,904 --> 00:29:34,240
( cheering )
516
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:37,676
There you go,
get it around
your neck.
517
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:39,611
Come on people,
get 'em on.
518
00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:41,147
There you go.
519
00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:44,216
- They're so much fun.
- I wish I had the nerve
to sing live.
520
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:46,152
I wish
I had the nerve
to be that good.
521
00:29:46,252 --> 00:29:48,454
- We are such idiots.
- Don't be mean to us,
522
00:29:48,554 --> 00:29:50,489
just because you
look fat in white.
523
00:29:50,589 --> 00:29:52,424
I do--
Look at how busy
we're getting.
524
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,360
Are you guys thinking
what I'm thinking?
525
00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:58,130
- No more Spandex?
- No, sweetie.
526
00:29:58,230 --> 00:30:00,399
Well then,
what honey?
527
00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:03,235
If you can't lick 'em,
join 'em.
528
00:30:03,335 --> 00:30:05,137
- Who's getting licked?
- ( chuckles )
529
00:30:05,237 --> 00:30:07,173
- ( piano music playing )
- ( cheering )
530
00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:15,982
* I'm gonna wash that man
right outta my hair *
531
00:30:16,082 --> 00:30:19,285
* I'm gonna wash that man
right outta my hair *
532
00:30:19,385 --> 00:30:22,454
* I'm gonna wash that man
right outta my hair *
533
00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:26,092
- * And send him
on his way *
- ( cheering )
534
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:29,728
* I'm gonna wave that man
right outta my arms *
535
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:32,198
* I'm gonna wave that man
right outta my arms *
536
00:30:32,298 --> 00:30:35,034
* I'm gonna wave that man
right outta my arms *
537
00:30:35,134 --> 00:30:38,470
* And send him on his way.
538
00:30:42,274 --> 00:30:44,343
We are geniuses.
539
00:30:50,616 --> 00:30:52,518
Do you know where
the scissors are?
540
00:30:52,618 --> 00:30:55,021
I think they're
in the kitchen
in the third drawer.
541
00:30:55,121 --> 00:30:57,556
- Okay.
- ( knocks )
542
00:30:57,656 --> 00:30:59,091
I spy your little eye.
543
00:31:00,626 --> 00:31:02,561
It's the bartender
from downstairs.
544
00:31:02,661 --> 00:31:06,598
- Hello? I can hear you.
- Connie: Give me that.
Put it on.
545
00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:08,800
What's going on in there,
you can't say hi?
546
00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,070
Connie:
The guacamole.
547
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,205
I can't hear them.
Should we go?
548
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:17,376
- How're you doing?
- What's going on?
549
00:31:17,476 --> 00:31:19,711
- Welcome wagon.
- We live on the top floor.
550
00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:22,548
- Hi.
- Hey.
551
00:31:22,648 --> 00:31:26,218
Oh... dear,
girlfriends need a decorator.
552
00:31:32,925 --> 00:31:35,327
- Hi, I'm Paul.
- I'm Brian. My stage
name's "Patty Melt."
553
00:31:36,762 --> 00:31:40,066
By day, I'm Robert.
This is my roommate, Lee.
554
00:31:40,166 --> 00:31:43,235
By night, we're a duo act
Peaches N' Cream.
555
00:31:43,335 --> 00:31:45,237
- I hate our name.
- I think it's beautiful.
556
00:31:45,337 --> 00:31:48,074
That's because you're
the Peaches part,
I'm N' Cream.
557
00:31:48,174 --> 00:31:52,211
My name is N' Cream.
What does it even mean?
558
00:31:55,314 --> 00:31:57,816
- Carla: That's really nice.
- Fabulous.
559
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,419
Come, come on,
come on, join us.
560
00:32:06,192 --> 00:32:08,194
All queens rise.
561
00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,467
O blessed Saint Mary
of Drag Queens,
562
00:32:15,567 --> 00:32:17,836
please grant your
never humble servants
563
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:20,072
and our new friends
with grace,
564
00:32:20,172 --> 00:32:22,108
jewels and support hose.
565
00:32:22,208 --> 00:32:24,843
- All: Gay-men.
- Gay-men.
566
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,845
And bless me
with a new name.
567
00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,847
- Hello?
- I don't even
have a drag name.
568
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:30,316
- Why not?
- What's up with that?
569
00:32:30,416 --> 00:32:32,851
I'm new,
so I can't name myself.
570
00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:35,554
- You want N' Cream?
- No, thanks.
571
00:32:35,654 --> 00:32:37,123
- Rosemary Chicken.
- Eh.
572
00:32:37,223 --> 00:32:39,058
- Mary Queen of Shots?
- Uh-uh.
573
00:32:39,158 --> 00:32:41,393
- Estée Louder
Harder Faster?
- What?
574
00:32:41,493 --> 00:32:44,896
- Ooh, can I borrow this?
- Hey, hey, what time is it?
575
00:32:44,997 --> 00:32:48,134
- 5:00-ish?
- The show.
576
00:32:48,234 --> 00:32:50,269
We have to shave...
everything.
577
00:32:50,369 --> 00:32:52,071
You're lucky
to be paid to perform.
578
00:32:52,171 --> 00:32:53,472
- Sorry?
- Excuse me?
579
00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:55,674
- What?
- All: Perform.
580
00:32:55,774 --> 00:32:58,544
There are very few
paying drag gigs
in this town.
581
00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:01,347
I have to bartend
at the Handlebar,
and it's beneath me.
582
00:33:01,447 --> 00:33:03,282
So, here it is.
583
00:33:03,382 --> 00:33:06,718
Have you ever
thought about adding a few
fabulous friends to your show?
584
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:09,388
If you need choreography,
I know fabulous
dance steps.
585
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:12,024
- I'm great with wigs.
- I can sew a dress
in three hours.
586
00:33:12,124 --> 00:33:13,159
I'll lend you my jewels.
587
00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:17,729
Call us.
We could use the buck.
588
00:33:19,398 --> 00:33:21,700
- We'll give it
some thought.
- Great.
589
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:25,071
Excellent. Come on,
you guys, let's go
clean our apartment.
590
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:27,005
- For your brother?
- You invited him over?
591
00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,307
- Are you drunk?
- A little.
592
00:33:28,407 --> 00:33:30,209
Robert left home
when was just 16.
593
00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:33,079
- Robert: Brian!
- I'm glad I don't have
a straight brother.
594
00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:36,115
Now, now,
we mustn't be prejudiced,
straights are people too.
595
00:33:41,753 --> 00:33:43,489
Come on.
596
00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:49,461
Look at all
the people, Carla.
597
00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:53,199
- ( door slams )
- ( both scream )
598
00:34:00,739 --> 00:34:03,942
* Don't tell me not
to live, just sit
and putter *
599
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,745
* Life's candy
and the sun's
a ball of butter *
600
00:34:06,845 --> 00:34:11,950
* Don't bring around
a cloud to rain
on my parade *
601
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:15,087
* Don't tell me not to fly,
I've simply got to *
602
00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:17,823
* If someone takes a spill
it's me and not you *
603
00:34:17,923 --> 00:34:23,095
* Who told you
you're allowed to rain
on my parade? *
604
00:34:23,195 --> 00:34:26,332
* I'm gonna live
and live now *
605
00:34:26,432 --> 00:34:29,535
* Get what I want,
I know how *
606
00:34:29,635 --> 00:34:32,804
* One roll
for the whole shebang *
607
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:35,241
* One throw, that bell
will go clang *
608
00:34:35,341 --> 00:34:38,510
* Eye on the target
and wham *
609
00:34:38,610 --> 00:34:41,780
* One shot, one gunshot
and bam! *
610
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:46,385
* Hey, Mr. Arnstein
611
00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:53,359
- * Here I am!
- ( cheering )
612
00:34:53,459 --> 00:34:59,398
* I'll march my band out
613
00:34:59,498 --> 00:35:03,835
* I'll beat my drum
614
00:35:03,935 --> 00:35:07,473
* And if I'm fanned out
615
00:35:07,573 --> 00:35:10,276
* Your turn at bat, sir
616
00:35:10,376 --> 00:35:14,146
- * At least I didn't fake it
- * Hat, sir, I guess
I didn't make it *
617
00:35:14,246 --> 00:35:16,748
* Get ready for me, love,
'cause I'm a comer *
618
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,551
* I've simply got to march,
my heart's a drummer *
619
00:35:19,651 --> 00:35:22,554
* Nobody, no, nobody
620
00:35:22,654 --> 00:35:25,357
* Is gonna
621
00:35:25,457 --> 00:35:28,294
* Rain on my
622
00:35:28,394 --> 00:35:33,832
- * Parade...
- ( cheering )
623
00:35:44,943 --> 00:35:46,612
Connie:
Oh, shush.
624
00:35:47,846 --> 00:35:49,348
Oh, all right.
625
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:52,551
Enough already.
626
00:35:52,651 --> 00:35:55,287
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
627
00:36:05,564 --> 00:36:08,867
- That looks great.
- I'm glamorizing
our new look a bit.
628
00:36:08,967 --> 00:36:11,337
I mean, under the lights,
these could be great,
629
00:36:11,437 --> 00:36:13,138
especially on turns.
630
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,474
- ( beads clattering )
- Woo, these could be dangerous.
631
00:36:15,574 --> 00:36:16,908
( laughs )
Yeah.
632
00:36:18,744 --> 00:36:21,179
- Aw.
- What?
633
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,283
It's just, it's great
to see you happy.
634
00:36:24,383 --> 00:36:26,718
Come on, admit it,
you do love the show.
635
00:36:26,818 --> 00:36:29,355
Yeah, it's a drag,
pun intended.
636
00:36:29,455 --> 00:36:31,390
Hey, my plan worked.
637
00:36:33,191 --> 00:36:35,627
Yeah, I'm worried about
how well known we're getting.
638
00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:38,096
- Only in West Hollywood.
- And I miss--
639
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,731
- Don't say Mikey.
- Boys.
640
00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:41,633
I miss boys
who like to kiss girls.
641
00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:44,470
Forget it, okay?
Because we have no time
for losers
642
00:36:44,570 --> 00:36:46,838
and we can't blow
our cover.
643
00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:51,243
Are you there?
I lost you.
644
00:36:51,343 --> 00:36:53,412
Now I hear ya.
Now I lost you.
645
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:56,982
Robert,
are you all right?
646
00:36:57,082 --> 00:36:59,285
Sure,
I'm just going to go
meet my brother
647
00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:00,919
for the first time
in 106 years.
648
00:37:01,019 --> 00:37:03,422
- Did you have a fight?
- Robert: No.
649
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:09,395
Look, I haven't had
any contact with my family
650
00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:12,030
in a long time--
651
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:14,300
my choice.
652
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,336
Six months ago,
I get a little sentimental
watching TV--
653
00:37:17,436 --> 00:37:19,137
Hallmark commercials.
654
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:22,441
So I send my grandma
a birthday card
655
00:37:22,541 --> 00:37:24,843
with my return address
label on it.
656
00:37:26,278 --> 00:37:28,347
So then my brother
starts coming around,
657
00:37:28,447 --> 00:37:31,517
starts leaving me messages,
"Hey, let's be brothers again."
658
00:37:31,617 --> 00:37:33,952
- You don't want a brother?
- ( sighs )
659
00:37:34,052 --> 00:37:36,288
He's just gonna hate me.
660
00:37:37,389 --> 00:37:38,390
No, he won't.
661
00:37:43,662 --> 00:37:46,398
Does he know
you dress with style?
662
00:37:46,498 --> 00:37:48,534
Yeah, I told him on the phone.
663
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:52,538
I figured I'd go
without the ball gown,
664
00:37:52,638 --> 00:37:54,573
just to ease him
into things.
665
00:37:58,410 --> 00:37:59,778
Let me see.
666
00:38:02,481 --> 00:38:05,884
There you go.
Blue is your best color.
667
00:38:05,984 --> 00:38:07,819
Thanks, sweetie.
668
00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:17,055
Well, this was a mistake.
669
00:39:26,131 --> 00:39:27,999
( groans )
670
00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:33,271
* You coax the blues
right out of the horn *
671
00:39:33,505 --> 00:39:35,040
* Mame *
672
00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:39,511
* You charm the husk
right off of the corn *
673
00:39:39,611 --> 00:39:42,113
- * Mame...
- Hello, Rudy, it's Tibor.
674
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:46,418
- What do you got?
- I'm in St. Louis.
They're not here.
675
00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:50,088
Hey, I'm down a kilo
and I'm up two witnesses!
676
00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:54,292
- Find them!
- * ...Since you brought
Dixie back to Dixieland *
677
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:57,896
* You make the cotton
easy to pick... *
678
00:40:04,703 --> 00:40:06,872
- Oh, for God sake, what?
- What?
679
00:40:06,972 --> 00:40:09,374
What are you doing?
Following me?
680
00:40:09,475 --> 00:40:12,077
- Watching every move I make?
- I'm not watching you.
681
00:40:12,177 --> 00:40:14,680
I just thought it would be
fun to hang out.
682
00:40:14,780 --> 00:40:16,214
- Why?
- Why not?
683
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:17,583
- Why?
- Why not?
684
00:40:17,683 --> 00:40:18,917
- Grow up.
- You grow up.
685
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:20,118
- You grow up.
- Make me.
686
00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:28,794
At least do some
shopping yourself.
687
00:40:30,962 --> 00:40:32,498
Please.
688
00:40:33,865 --> 00:40:36,201
- Mom likes irises too.
- Save it for Dr. Phil.
689
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:38,069
Okay.
690
00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:39,938
- Hi, Mrs. Phillips.
- Hi, Mrs. Phillips.
691
00:40:40,038 --> 00:40:41,439
Hello.
692
00:40:41,540 --> 00:40:43,842
I thought it'd be nice
to spend a beautiful
Saturday--
693
00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:46,177
Why this sudden interest
in my after all this time?
694
00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:50,549
For a long time,
I couldn't find you,
remember?
695
00:40:50,649 --> 00:40:54,886
And I think I'm gonna
marry someone.
696
00:40:54,986 --> 00:40:57,789
And if that's gonna happen,
I want you to be there.
697
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:02,728
Oh...
698
00:41:08,767 --> 00:41:11,469
Come on, I need cheese.
699
00:41:13,238 --> 00:41:15,073
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah.
700
00:41:15,173 --> 00:41:17,976
- ( phone rings )
- Oh.
701
00:41:18,076 --> 00:41:21,079
- That's my girlfriend.
- Take it, I'll see
if they're home.
702
00:41:22,247 --> 00:41:23,815
( knocks )
703
00:41:23,915 --> 00:41:26,117
Robert:
Bonjour, my filles...
704
00:41:27,519 --> 00:41:29,487
c'est moi.
705
00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:31,790
- Hello.
- Sorry, sorry.
706
00:41:31,890 --> 00:41:33,559
Ouvre la porte.
707
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,227
- Here, your hair.
- I got it.
708
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:37,863
- Get your robe.
- Take it with you.
709
00:41:37,963 --> 00:41:39,998
- Get a robe, get a robe.
- Here it is, take that.
710
00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:41,833
I hear running.
711
00:41:44,970 --> 00:41:47,072
- How're you doing?
- What's going on?
712
00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:50,609
Wow, good look.
( chuckles )
713
00:41:51,877 --> 00:41:54,112
So how's it going
with your brother?
714
00:41:54,212 --> 00:41:56,514
Jeff!
715
00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:00,552
I'll call you later.
716
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:15,133
Jeff, these
are my girlfriends,
the "Connie and Carla."
717
00:42:15,233 --> 00:42:18,203
Hi, Jeff, welcome
to the dollhouse. Want me
to condition your hair?
718
00:42:18,303 --> 00:42:21,206
No, I ran a cream rinse
through it this morning,
so I'm good.
719
00:42:21,306 --> 00:42:23,809
So, I'll take a rain check.
720
00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:24,810
( snaps )
721
00:42:24,910 --> 00:42:27,078
You all work
at the Handlebar too?
722
00:42:27,178 --> 00:42:29,014
- Oh, yeah, we all
work there.
- Work?
723
00:42:29,114 --> 00:42:32,217
Jeff, these broads
have transformed that dive
into a legit cabaret.
724
00:42:32,317 --> 00:42:34,052
I wish I was in that show.
725
00:42:34,152 --> 00:42:35,587
- Hint.
- All right.
726
00:42:35,687 --> 00:42:36,722
- Hint.
- We heard you.
727
00:42:36,822 --> 00:42:38,590
- Hint.
- Back off.
728
00:42:38,690 --> 00:42:40,458
All right, get out
of my way.
729
00:42:40,659 --> 00:42:42,160
Let's get out
of here.
730
00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:44,562
Oh, hello.
731
00:42:44,663 --> 00:42:47,633
- Hi, I'm Brian,
this is Paul and Lee.
- I'm Robert's best friend.
732
00:42:47,733 --> 00:42:49,200
- His what?
- Best friend.
733
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:51,569
- He's also my roommate.
- Come see my apartment.
734
00:42:51,670 --> 00:42:53,739
- No, ours.
- Down, girls, down.
735
00:42:53,839 --> 00:42:55,874
Are you hungry?
You like fish sticks?
736
00:42:55,974 --> 00:42:58,543
I make them Filipino style.
They taste just like chicken.
737
00:42:58,644 --> 00:43:00,145
- ( sighs )
- Oh my God.
738
00:43:00,245 --> 00:43:02,580
Oh, I like him.
739
00:43:02,681 --> 00:43:04,883
I saw him before
when were still girls.
740
00:43:04,983 --> 00:43:07,485
He was standing out front.
We had this moment, Carla.
741
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:11,757
- He was nice to me.
- What are you talking about?
742
00:43:11,857 --> 00:43:15,293
Right.
Why would he ever be
attracted to me?
743
00:43:15,393 --> 00:43:17,062
- I'm a drag queen.
- No...
744
00:43:17,162 --> 00:43:20,799
- you can't blow
our cover for some guy.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
745
00:43:20,899 --> 00:43:23,001
I know.
746
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:24,803
I know.
( groans )
747
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,813
- Thanks.
- Have a good show tonight.
748
00:43:34,913 --> 00:43:37,515
Stanley, we want to add
some friends to the act.
749
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:40,385
You got to get
a food license
and expand this place.
750
00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:44,255
Here's my plan.
We're adding more leg,
you got to add legroom.
751
00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:46,524
What would that cost?
752
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:47,959
I'll add up
some figures.
753
00:43:48,059 --> 00:43:50,161
Excuse me,
I'll be back.
754
00:43:51,362 --> 00:43:53,131
- What are you doing?
- What?
755
00:43:53,231 --> 00:43:56,067
This show is our destiny
waiting to happen--
dinner theater.
756
00:43:56,167 --> 00:43:58,303
We can't expand.
We'll get even more well known
757
00:43:58,403 --> 00:44:00,638
and word will travel
straight to those killers.
758
00:44:00,739 --> 00:44:03,008
- They're not looking
for drag queens.
- How do you know?
759
00:44:03,108 --> 00:44:05,043
They're serious,
they have connections.
760
00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:07,813
They haven't found us.
They're not connected
to this world.
761
00:44:07,913 --> 00:44:10,281
- We're safe,
we're drag queens.
- You're a freak.
762
00:44:10,381 --> 00:44:12,250
Yeah, and you're
a freak with me.
763
00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:16,788
* You coax the blues
right out of the horn *
764
00:44:16,888 --> 00:44:19,290
* Mame...
765
00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:22,093
Tibor:
No, no, yes, no, no, Rudy,
I'm telling you,
766
00:44:22,193 --> 00:44:25,330
I have seen almost
everything on Broadway.
They're not in it.
767
00:44:25,430 --> 00:44:28,734
I saw "Gypsy" last night.
They're not there.
768
00:44:28,834 --> 00:44:30,401
I saw "Rent,"
769
00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,804
which was surprising
to be so poignant,
770
00:44:32,904 --> 00:44:35,573
with a narrative added to
by emotional performances
771
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:37,675
which bring the audiences
into the story.
772
00:44:37,776 --> 00:44:40,846
Intimate story?
Intimate story, I got
an intimate story.
773
00:44:40,946 --> 00:44:44,515
- I'm gonna kill you
if you don't--
- Okay, okay, okay.
774
00:44:44,716 --> 00:44:46,284
I have good news.
775
00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:50,321
I got a ticket
to the matinee of "Hairspray."
776
00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:51,923
Hello?
777
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:54,860
Lee:
Five, six,
seven, eight.
778
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,662
And knee up
and hands at your side.
Chickapow.
779
00:44:57,763 --> 00:44:59,630
Charleston, Charleston.
780
00:44:59,831 --> 00:45:01,632
Downstage, do-si-do.
781
00:45:01,833 --> 00:45:02,868
- Let it--
- Ow.
782
00:45:02,968 --> 00:45:04,803
- Robert: Carla!
- What? He pushed me.
783
00:45:04,903 --> 00:45:06,738
- I am a trained dancer.
- Yeah, right.
784
00:45:06,838 --> 00:45:09,674
Connie, Carla,
move more like this.
Hide all your masculinity.
785
00:45:09,775 --> 00:45:12,811
- Chickapow.
- No one fall on me
this time, I'm delicate.
786
00:45:12,911 --> 00:45:15,313
- All right,
Crystal Decanter.
- That's not my name.
787
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:17,282
- How about Patty,
like me, Patty Cake?
- No.
788
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:18,984
- Patty O'Furniture.
- No.
789
00:45:19,084 --> 00:45:20,752
- Patty Pooper.
- No.
790
00:45:20,852 --> 00:45:23,889
- ( chuckles )
- Great, can we all
please dance now?
791
00:45:23,989 --> 00:45:26,391
What's this?
Why do you wear
a bra during the day?
792
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:32,263
Well, if you must know,
793
00:45:32,363 --> 00:45:34,265
being in drag helps us
practice our moves.
794
00:45:37,102 --> 00:45:39,270
Good falsies.
What do you use?
795
00:45:39,370 --> 00:45:40,972
None of your beeswax.
796
00:45:46,878 --> 00:45:49,881
They're really good.
You should all
have a feel.
797
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,789
- Supple. Good.
- Robert: Oh, they are good.
798
00:45:57,889 --> 00:46:00,325
Hmm.
799
00:46:00,425 --> 00:46:02,160
- Brian: Back to work.
- Okay then.
800
00:46:06,531 --> 00:46:08,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No way! Put it back.
801
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:11,436
No. Whoa, I don't have
this kind of money.
802
00:46:11,536 --> 00:46:13,204
Stanley, here's my plan.
803
00:46:13,304 --> 00:46:14,973
You only have
to do 80% capacity,
804
00:46:15,073 --> 00:46:17,108
you'll make it back
within three months.
805
00:46:17,208 --> 00:46:19,344
All you gotta to pay out now
is the construction.
806
00:46:19,444 --> 00:46:20,778
I got it all
under control.
807
00:46:20,879 --> 00:46:23,448
Sir? Hi, we've talked
about this.
808
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:26,584
Yeah, the tables have
to be this high, right?
Right.
809
00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:28,686
Why?
Stanley, look at me.
810
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:31,022
I'm eating my surf-n-turf.
Watching a terrific show.
811
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:33,925
Eating, watching.
Dinner, theater.
See, dinner theater?
812
00:46:34,025 --> 00:46:35,961
Where do you think
the TV dinner
came from?
813
00:46:36,061 --> 00:46:39,064
- Right, Carla?
- Uh, yeah. This high.
814
00:46:40,932 --> 00:46:43,701
Stanley?
Come on.
815
00:46:43,935 --> 00:46:46,137
All: Stanley?
816
00:46:46,237 --> 00:46:48,940
All: Stanley.
817
00:46:50,608 --> 00:46:52,978
- I'll get a loan
from my mother.
- ( cheers )
818
00:46:53,078 --> 00:46:55,580
( whistles, cheering )
819
00:47:00,852 --> 00:47:04,422
* Life is a cabaret,
ol' chum *
820
00:47:04,522 --> 00:47:08,059
* Only a cabaret,
ol' chum *
821
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:09,594
* So come to
822
00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:16,167
* The cabaret. *
823
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,372
( cheers, applause )
824
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:28,213
- Both: Whoa!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
825
00:47:28,313 --> 00:47:30,982
- I should watch
where I'm going.
- That's okay, doll.
826
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,687
I'm Connie.
I met you.
827
00:47:36,922 --> 00:47:38,789
Oh, yeah.
828
00:47:38,890 --> 00:47:40,725
I'm here to take
Robert out for lunch.
829
00:47:40,959 --> 00:47:42,393
Just-- you know.
830
00:47:42,493 --> 00:47:44,395
That's nice.
831
00:47:46,464 --> 00:47:48,266
Well, he's my brother.
832
00:47:48,366 --> 00:47:51,436
So... taking him out...
taking him out to lunch.
833
00:47:53,071 --> 00:47:55,640
- Well, you're nice.
- You're nice, too.
834
00:47:58,977 --> 00:48:01,612
I mean, uh...
you know...
835
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:04,015
Hello!
I'll be right down.
836
00:48:06,417 --> 00:48:09,154
- What?
- ( softly ) Aiyiyi.
837
00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:13,258
I have to go to the show
after lunch, so I dressed.
838
00:48:13,358 --> 00:48:15,226
Is there a problem?
839
00:48:15,326 --> 00:48:16,594
Jeff?
840
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:23,068
- You want to cancel?
- No! No, no, no.
841
00:48:23,168 --> 00:48:25,603
- I'll be right down.
- Oh, boy.
842
00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:29,907
Take him to the Tube
around the corner.
843
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,810
The owner's one of us.
People won't stare as much.
844
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:35,680
- Thank you.
- Sure.
845
00:48:37,182 --> 00:48:38,483
You like my garbage?
846
00:48:38,583 --> 00:48:41,286
Um... a little bit.
847
00:48:41,386 --> 00:48:43,321
Anything good in there?
848
00:48:46,958 --> 00:48:47,959
Hey, sweetie.
849
00:48:49,727 --> 00:48:51,596
- Robert.
- Nails.
850
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:54,932
Nails.
851
00:48:59,370 --> 00:49:02,507
* You coax the blues
right out of the horn *
852
00:49:02,607 --> 00:49:05,110
* Mame
853
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:09,580
- * You charm the husk
right off of the corn *
- ( phone rings )
854
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,216
- * Mame
- Rudy: Tibor!
855
00:49:11,316 --> 00:49:13,151
- Mama's pizza.
- Knock it off.
856
00:49:13,251 --> 00:49:16,121
- You're telling me
you found them, right?
- No, not yet.
857
00:49:16,221 --> 00:49:19,290
- Come on.
- Maybe you put someone
at Mexico border
858
00:49:19,390 --> 00:49:21,526
- to search for their car?
- That's a great idea.
859
00:49:21,626 --> 00:49:24,729
I'll put somebody
at the Canadian border
and we can put--
860
00:49:24,829 --> 00:49:28,733
( singing along )
* You make the cotton
easy to pick *
861
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:31,236
* Mame *
862
00:49:31,336 --> 00:49:35,540
* You give my old
mint julep a kick *
863
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:37,508
* Mame
864
00:49:37,608 --> 00:49:44,249
* You make the old
magnolia tree blossom
with the mention of your name *
865
00:49:44,349 --> 00:49:47,352
* You make me
feel alive again *
866
00:49:47,452 --> 00:49:50,655
* You given me
the drive again *
867
00:49:50,755 --> 00:49:53,591
* To make the South
alive again *
868
00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:56,594
* Mame.
869
00:50:13,811 --> 00:50:16,214
- ( grunts )
- Whoa, Nelly.
870
00:50:16,314 --> 00:50:18,116
- You okay?
- Yeah, are you okay?
871
00:50:18,216 --> 00:50:19,684
Yeah, padding.
872
00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:22,320
- Oh.
- Yeah.
873
00:50:22,420 --> 00:50:23,921
Robert's out
having a manicure.
874
00:50:24,122 --> 00:50:25,623
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
875
00:50:25,723 --> 00:50:28,126
- Here, here.
- Oh.
876
00:50:28,226 --> 00:50:30,628
- Want to come over?
- What?
877
00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:34,065
No, no, no,
I have something--
878
00:50:34,165 --> 00:50:35,533
I have some--
I have a--
879
00:50:35,633 --> 00:50:38,636
I got a prior commitment.
880
00:50:38,736 --> 00:50:40,838
No problem.
881
00:50:41,038 --> 00:50:43,441
( sighs )
882
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:45,243
Um...
883
00:50:45,343 --> 00:50:49,447
you know,
the other day when I said
that you were nice?
884
00:50:49,547 --> 00:50:51,849
I meant it,
you are very nice.
885
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:54,385
I just meant it
in a...
886
00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:58,156
a friendly way.
887
00:50:58,256 --> 00:51:00,958
I'm not gay.
888
00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:04,329
- Neither am I.
- What?
889
00:51:04,429 --> 00:51:07,398
Nothing,
it's complicated.
890
00:51:08,533 --> 00:51:10,168
- I bet.
- Mm-hmm.
891
00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:13,771
- All right, all right.
- Okay, good.
892
00:51:13,871 --> 00:51:15,840
- All right, okay.
- See ya.
893
00:51:17,342 --> 00:51:19,510
Hey, do straight guys
drink coffee?
894
00:51:30,321 --> 00:51:33,691
- What do you do for a living?
- How long you been
a drag queen?
895
00:51:33,791 --> 00:51:36,161
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry, I just...
896
00:51:36,261 --> 00:51:37,795
I've never...
897
00:51:37,895 --> 00:51:41,699
known a cross-dressing
person before.
898
00:51:41,799 --> 00:51:45,170
- You know your brother.
- Oh yeah... no...
899
00:51:45,270 --> 00:51:47,772
- it's been a long time.
- Yeah, it's hard.
900
00:51:47,872 --> 00:51:50,007
It's hard, but I'm
a bit of an optimist.
901
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:52,410
- Me too.
- I'm stubborn.
I don't give up.
902
00:51:54,279 --> 00:51:57,382
I wasn't always
in a successful show.
903
00:51:57,482 --> 00:52:00,685
And I had this friend,
904
00:52:00,785 --> 00:52:03,588
he told me to give up.
905
00:52:03,688 --> 00:52:05,423
He called me a dreamer.
906
00:52:06,891 --> 00:52:10,561
- That's not very nice.
- Yeah.
907
00:52:10,661 --> 00:52:12,530
Well...
908
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:18,803
( humming )
909
00:52:23,208 --> 00:52:25,343
- I got to go.
- Okay.
910
00:52:25,443 --> 00:52:27,178
I just want to know
why you do it.
911
00:52:27,278 --> 00:52:30,548
Why you like to dress up,
you guys.
912
00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:33,984
- Oh...
- I'm sorry,
that's personal.
913
00:52:34,185 --> 00:52:36,153
No, that's okay.
914
00:52:37,222 --> 00:52:39,257
It's kinda like this--
915
00:52:39,357 --> 00:52:43,294
it's like dressing
how you feel inside.
916
00:52:43,394 --> 00:52:46,163
You know?
You know what, Jeff?
917
00:52:46,264 --> 00:52:48,766
I haven't known your brother
for very long, but I think--
918
00:52:48,866 --> 00:52:51,469
I mean, I think
he's happy.
919
00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:54,572
We've only
got one life.
920
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:57,675
It's just strange
that my brother's out
getting a manicure.
921
00:52:57,775 --> 00:53:00,578
- What, haven't you
ever had one?
- Oh God, no.
922
00:53:00,678 --> 00:53:02,680
You live in LA.
Everybody gets their--
923
00:53:02,780 --> 00:53:06,150
- backs waxed,
and things plucked--
- I don't pluck.
924
00:53:06,251 --> 00:53:08,686
I-I never--
I've never been plucked--
925
00:53:08,786 --> 00:53:10,488
And I don't do manicures.
926
00:53:10,588 --> 00:53:12,523
- Connie: Relax your hand.
- I'm relaxed.
927
00:53:12,623 --> 00:53:14,459
Wait, look at it,
it's like a claw.
928
00:53:14,559 --> 00:53:15,793
Okay, I'm relaxed.
929
00:53:15,893 --> 00:53:18,062
- Open.
- No polish, though.
930
00:53:18,329 --> 00:53:20,565
Deal.
931
00:53:24,935 --> 00:53:26,504
And?
932
00:53:26,604 --> 00:53:28,205
Nothing.
933
00:53:28,306 --> 00:53:29,774
Oh come on,
spill it.
934
00:53:31,342 --> 00:53:33,244
Only because we're
talking guy to guy.
935
00:53:33,344 --> 00:53:36,247
- Right.
- I've been seeing
this woman.
936
00:53:36,347 --> 00:53:39,484
- You got a girlfriend.
- I'm going to propose.
937
00:53:39,584 --> 00:53:42,987
We're at that stage
where I should make
a commitment, but--
938
00:53:43,087 --> 00:53:45,523
I'm not really sure
if we're right
for one another.
939
00:53:45,623 --> 00:53:47,258
She doesn't
make me laugh.
940
00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:50,728
You got to get out.
You gotta pull the cord
on that mission. Abort!
941
00:53:50,828 --> 00:53:54,265
That could be me
being afraid to take it
to the next level.
942
00:53:54,365 --> 00:53:58,403
I had this girlfriend once
who told me I had issues
about getting too close.
943
00:54:00,971 --> 00:54:02,507
I stopped talking to her.
944
00:54:05,242 --> 00:54:07,812
Have you told
your girlfriend about Robert?
945
00:54:07,912 --> 00:54:09,647
No.
946
00:54:09,747 --> 00:54:11,549
- But you're going to?
- Oh yeah.
947
00:54:14,018 --> 00:54:15,520
No.
948
00:54:16,621 --> 00:54:17,522
Maybe.
949
00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:23,361
No.
950
00:54:25,496 --> 00:54:28,165
I've really got to go now.
This was fun.
951
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:31,402
I've never missed
a day of work.
I work all the time.
952
00:54:31,502 --> 00:54:33,871
- Oh yeah.
- But it's nice
just to hang out.
953
00:54:33,971 --> 00:54:35,506
Thanks
for the manicure.
954
00:54:35,606 --> 00:54:38,343
- Don't tell anybody.
- Okay.
955
00:54:42,447 --> 00:54:44,181
( sighs )
956
00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:47,284
Lee: Aren't you nervous?
How can you eat at
a time like this?
957
00:54:47,385 --> 00:54:50,688
I can't believe it!
Hoy! Is there lipstick
on my teeth?
958
00:54:50,788 --> 00:54:52,790
- No.
- Liar!
959
00:54:52,890 --> 00:54:54,258
( laughing )
Let's go.
960
00:54:54,359 --> 00:54:55,926
- Chickapow!
- Chickapow!
961
00:54:59,997 --> 00:55:01,832
Where were you today?
962
00:55:04,535 --> 00:55:07,037
- Hm?
- You were supposed
to meet me.
963
00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:10,975
I thought we were
gonna go shopping.
964
00:55:18,015 --> 00:55:20,918
You know, Carla,
maybe we should watch
our weight a little.
965
00:55:21,018 --> 00:55:25,356
We practically need olive oil
to grease the zippers
on these costumes.
966
00:55:25,456 --> 00:55:28,693
What?! Don't go
all LA on me, Connie.
967
00:55:28,793 --> 00:55:31,929
All these women
come to our show
and idolize us
968
00:55:32,029 --> 00:55:35,466
because as men, we have better
female self-esteem than they do.
969
00:55:36,567 --> 00:55:38,268
Boy, you have some nerve.
970
00:55:38,469 --> 00:55:39,870
- You all right?
- No!
971
00:55:39,970 --> 00:55:42,807
I was at that mall
all day by myself, Connie.
972
00:55:42,907 --> 00:55:44,509
People stared at me.
973
00:55:44,609 --> 00:55:46,276
I felt naked.
974
00:55:46,377 --> 00:55:48,813
I can't hide out
like this much longer.
975
00:55:48,913 --> 00:55:50,848
I need to get
out of this closet!
976
00:55:50,948 --> 00:55:53,283
- Well, you can't!
- ( sighs )
977
00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:54,885
Come on,
let's go.
978
00:55:56,854 --> 00:56:00,391
A polar bear walks into a bar
and says, "I'll have a...
979
00:56:00,491 --> 00:56:03,327
...beer."
Bartender says,
980
00:56:03,428 --> 00:56:05,396
"What's with big pause?"
981
00:56:05,496 --> 00:56:07,632
And the polar bear says,
982
00:56:07,732 --> 00:56:09,800
- "Always had 'em."
- ( crowd groaning )
983
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:12,703
- Man: You suck!
- You're outta here, Brad!
984
00:56:12,803 --> 00:56:15,673
All right, well,
please welcome...
985
00:56:15,773 --> 00:56:18,208
Connie and Carla
and the Belles of the Balls!
986
00:56:18,409 --> 00:56:20,645
( cheering )
987
00:56:20,745 --> 00:56:23,047
( "Let Me Entertain You"
playing)
988
00:56:27,985 --> 00:56:29,286
* Let me
989
00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:30,788
* Entertain you *
990
00:56:32,056 --> 00:56:35,660
* Let me make you smile
991
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:39,096
* Let me do a few tricks,
some old and then
some new tricks *
992
00:56:39,196 --> 00:56:43,300
* I'm very versatile
993
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:47,337
* And if you're real good,
I'll make you feel good *
994
00:56:47,438 --> 00:56:51,876
* I want your spirits
to climb *
995
00:56:51,976 --> 00:56:53,844
* So let me
996
00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:55,713
* Entertain you
997
00:56:55,813 --> 00:56:59,950
* And we'll have
a real good time, yes, sir *
998
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:03,521
* We'll have
a real good time. *
999
00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:05,990
( cheering )
1000
00:57:09,660 --> 00:57:12,697
Ladies and gentlemen,
good evening.
1001
00:57:12,797 --> 00:57:14,599
Welcome to the show.
1002
00:57:14,699 --> 00:57:17,802
- Aren't we all divine?
- ( cheers )
1003
00:57:17,902 --> 00:57:21,706
- Here's the show we have
planned for you tonight.
- Wait, wait, stop!
1004
00:57:24,709 --> 00:57:27,512
I have an announcement
to make.
1005
00:57:29,580 --> 00:57:32,182
- It's time you all knew.
- ( softly ) Carla, don't.
1006
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:34,552
I...
1007
00:57:34,652 --> 00:57:38,055
am...
1008
00:57:38,155 --> 00:57:39,824
an eater!
1009
00:57:39,924 --> 00:57:41,926
( cheers )
1010
00:57:42,026 --> 00:57:43,928
That's right,
ladies and gentlemen,
1011
00:57:44,028 --> 00:57:46,831
and soon we're gonna be
a full-service dinner theater.
1012
00:57:46,931 --> 00:57:48,799
This is what America needs--
1013
00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:52,603
to eat and watch a show
where real women are real women.
1014
00:57:52,703 --> 00:57:55,573
- ( cheers )
- If you're naturally
slim, fine, okay,
1015
00:57:55,673 --> 00:57:58,142
but come on!
Starving ourselves
to get thin?
1016
00:57:58,242 --> 00:58:01,211
No hips, no breasts,
until we look just
like little boys.
1017
00:58:01,311 --> 00:58:04,915
Girlfriends,
big or small,
1018
00:58:05,015 --> 00:58:07,652
thin or fat,
worship that body!
1019
00:58:07,752 --> 00:58:09,520
It's the only one
you've got.
1020
00:58:09,620 --> 00:58:12,222
( cheering )
1021
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:14,825
Hit it!
1022
00:58:14,925 --> 00:58:17,394
* So
1023
00:58:17,595 --> 00:58:20,130
* Let me entertain you *
1024
00:58:20,230 --> 00:58:24,702
* And we'll have
a real good time, yes, sir *
1025
00:58:24,802 --> 00:58:26,871
* We'll have
1026
00:58:26,971 --> 00:58:32,076
- * A real good--
- * A real good time!
1027
00:58:39,950 --> 00:58:41,652
Good night, Stanley.
1028
00:58:41,752 --> 00:58:43,988
- Ow!
- ( grunts )
1029
00:58:44,088 --> 00:58:46,423
- ( chuckles )
- Jeff: Oy...
1030
00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:48,926
( chuckling )
Oh man...
1031
00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:54,665
Here you go.
1032
00:58:56,100 --> 00:58:57,568
Thank you.
1033
00:59:02,973 --> 00:59:04,274
Cotton absorbs.
1034
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,582
Uh...
1035
00:59:14,418 --> 00:59:17,588
I'm surprised they don't
market it like that.
1036
00:59:17,688 --> 00:59:19,757
Mm-hmm...
1037
00:59:19,857 --> 00:59:21,626
( spits )
1038
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:25,730
I-I'm looking for Robert.
1039
00:59:25,830 --> 00:59:28,532
His cell phone is off.
Uh, is he in there?
1040
00:59:28,633 --> 00:59:30,200
No, she's gone.
You missed our show.
1041
00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:34,004
I'm not ready to see that yet--
no offense about your job.
1042
00:59:34,104 --> 00:59:37,141
None taken.
I'm not itching to come
and watch you flip burgers.
1043
00:59:37,241 --> 00:59:39,677
I'm a financial advisor.
1044
00:59:39,777 --> 00:59:42,546
Of course.
I can smell
the stress on you.
1045
00:59:42,647 --> 00:59:45,249
I'm not as uptight
as you think I am.
1046
00:59:45,349 --> 00:59:48,619
Yes, you are.
1047
00:59:48,719 --> 00:59:51,021
- ( loud music playing )
- ( chattering )
1048
00:59:55,993 --> 00:59:58,362
Hey, bartender!
I'm thirsty!
1049
00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:00,064
Hey, why are you--
1050
01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:03,567
why are you different
when you're away from
the other drag queens?
1051
01:00:03,668 --> 01:00:05,936
- What do you mean?
- It's like there's
some kind of
1052
01:00:06,036 --> 01:00:08,272
drag queen code of behavior
or something, you know,
1053
01:00:08,372 --> 01:00:10,975
it's like...
1054
01:00:11,075 --> 01:00:15,880
"Stripes? Mary,
Holy Martha Stewart's
Prison Collection!
1055
01:00:15,980 --> 01:00:19,750
I-I-I got three words
for you, Miss Thing.
1056
01:00:19,850 --> 01:00:22,186
No, no, no and--
1057
01:00:22,286 --> 01:00:24,188
four words-- yesterday!"
1058
01:00:24,288 --> 01:00:27,224
- ( laughing )
- That's ridiculous!
What is that?
1059
01:00:27,324 --> 01:00:31,328
What-- what--
what was that?
1060
01:00:31,428 --> 01:00:35,265
Oh please, don't make me
do it again, I think
I pulled something.
1061
01:00:35,365 --> 01:00:38,268
I wanna figure it out.
I really do. I mean, are you--
1062
01:00:39,704 --> 01:00:41,271
What's the thrill?
Are you hiding?
1063
01:00:41,371 --> 01:00:43,273
- Actually, I am hiding.
- Yeah?
1064
01:00:43,373 --> 01:00:46,677
Some murderers are after me,
and I'm hiding out
as a drag queen.
1065
01:00:46,777 --> 01:00:49,680
Really, really.
I'm asking you really.
I'd like to know.
1066
01:00:49,780 --> 01:00:51,916
I wanna figure
this whole thing out.
I mean--
1067
01:00:52,016 --> 01:00:54,719
Is this the real you?
Or are you--
1068
01:00:54,819 --> 01:00:56,721
playing dress-up?
1069
01:00:56,821 --> 01:01:00,090
Do you understand?
Are you playing dress-up?
1070
01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:03,660
Or is this the real you?
1071
01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:06,363
I don't think you could
handle the real me.
1072
01:01:06,463 --> 01:01:08,766
You'd be all,
"Oh, I want my mommy!"
1073
01:01:08,866 --> 01:01:11,201
( both laugh )
1074
01:01:13,337 --> 01:01:14,872
- Uh-uh.
- It's true.
1075
01:01:14,972 --> 01:01:17,074
So a real woman
doesn't scare you?
1076
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:20,110
No! But, Connie,
you're not...
1077
01:01:20,210 --> 01:01:23,347
- a real woman.
- Oh, you'd be surprised, baby.
1078
01:01:23,447 --> 01:01:25,916
I know your type.
You like uptight girls.
1079
01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:28,886
That is not true.
That is so not true.
1080
01:01:28,986 --> 01:01:30,487
- Really?
- Yeah.
1081
01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:32,222
Am I your type?
1082
01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:39,764
- Sure. Yeah.
- You think
I'm attractive?
1083
01:01:42,266 --> 01:01:46,136
Connie, I've never seen
you out of drag, but--
1084
01:01:46,236 --> 01:01:50,207
I have to say that as a broad,
you're a real looker.
1085
01:01:50,307 --> 01:01:52,810
Ah.
( laughs )
1086
01:01:52,910 --> 01:01:54,845
Can I get another one please?
1087
01:02:03,453 --> 01:02:05,255
( gags )
1088
01:02:14,999 --> 01:02:18,402
Tibor: I have been
to dinner theaters in Idaho,
to cabarets in Kansas...
1089
01:02:18,502 --> 01:02:20,771
I have watched every show
in this whole country.
1090
01:02:20,871 --> 01:02:24,008
Connie and Carla
have disappeared.
1091
01:02:34,484 --> 01:02:36,921
Al:
You're just mad because
Connie didn't call you.
1092
01:02:37,021 --> 01:02:38,989
Get it through
that chunk-a-head of yours:
1093
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:41,491
Connie and Carla--
they're gone!
1094
01:02:43,427 --> 01:02:44,829
Rudy: Hey!
1095
01:02:47,031 --> 01:02:49,066
Sorry, Mr. Rudy.
1096
01:02:49,166 --> 01:02:51,135
Who are you?
1097
01:02:51,235 --> 01:02:53,703
I'm Al.
I'm new.
1098
01:02:53,904 --> 01:02:56,907
What's your problem, Al?
1099
01:02:57,007 --> 01:03:00,945
Mikey. His girlfriend
took off on him and...
1100
01:03:01,045 --> 01:03:03,180
th-that's all.
1101
01:03:06,483 --> 01:03:08,785
I love a good story.
1102
01:03:11,021 --> 01:03:13,223
So... where are
Connie and Carla?
1103
01:03:13,323 --> 01:03:15,159
Ah, we don't know.
1104
01:03:15,259 --> 01:03:17,394
But Mikey says he got
a hang-up call last night.
1105
01:03:17,494 --> 01:03:20,497
Caller-ID said area code 323.
1106
01:03:20,597 --> 01:03:22,466
- Los Angeles.
- Oh.
1107
01:03:22,566 --> 01:03:24,234
What a story.
1108
01:03:24,334 --> 01:03:27,838
Listen, you guys
are useless to me
here like this.
1109
01:03:27,938 --> 01:03:30,941
What I want you to do
is I want you to go
out there,
1110
01:03:31,041 --> 01:03:32,977
and I want you
to find your girls.
1111
01:03:33,077 --> 01:03:35,179
- ( chuckles ) Are you serious?
- And when you do,
1112
01:03:35,279 --> 01:03:37,314
call me.
1113
01:03:37,414 --> 01:03:39,216
( chuckles )
1114
01:03:40,450 --> 01:03:42,987
- Why?
- I gotta know how it ends.
1115
01:03:43,087 --> 01:03:46,223
( chuckles )
Mr. Rudy...
1116
01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:48,292
oh, thank you.
Thanks.
1117
01:03:52,429 --> 01:03:54,331
Follow that idiot.
1118
01:04:03,107 --> 01:04:06,410
Uh... I already saw you.
1119
01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:08,378
Hello? I--
1120
01:04:08,478 --> 01:04:10,314
Hey!
1121
01:04:10,414 --> 01:04:12,482
- Wait!
- Look, I'm not--
1122
01:04:12,582 --> 01:04:15,485
- I know you're not.
It was a mistake.
- A big mistake.
1123
01:04:15,585 --> 01:04:19,389
- Can't we be friends?
- No. No, we can't.
1124
01:04:19,489 --> 01:04:22,126
I mean, I-I--
I don't have time
for this.
1125
01:04:22,226 --> 01:04:25,395
This whole thing, okay?
It's not normal.
1126
01:04:35,940 --> 01:04:39,309
Don't you think it's weird,
Mr. Rudy giving us this cash
to come out?
1127
01:04:39,409 --> 01:04:43,347
- He cares about me.
- Since when?
1128
01:04:43,447 --> 01:04:46,316
- I'm not sure.
- There's some things
about Mr. Rudy
1129
01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:49,920
that might surprise you.
I heard some stuff.
1130
01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:53,223
- What did I do?
- Did you find a map?
1131
01:05:01,665 --> 01:05:03,600
- ( horn honks )
- Want a ride?
1132
01:05:12,009 --> 01:05:13,710
You missed rehearsal
this morning.
1133
01:05:13,910 --> 01:05:16,080
Ugh, Carla,
please.
1134
01:05:16,180 --> 01:05:17,814
I just got dumped.
1135
01:05:17,914 --> 01:05:19,950
What are you
talking about?
1136
01:05:20,050 --> 01:05:23,053
How could I not know?
What, the straight guy?
1137
01:05:23,153 --> 01:05:27,124
Yeah, but he thinks I'm a guy,
so it's over before
it even started.
1138
01:05:31,495 --> 01:05:33,463
Isn't that Jeff?
1139
01:05:33,563 --> 01:05:36,233
Oh yeah, that's interesting.
1140
01:05:41,972 --> 01:05:43,407
( engine shuts off )
1141
01:05:43,507 --> 01:05:46,576
- It's Jeff? Are you crazy?
- Why the throat?!
1142
01:05:46,676 --> 01:05:50,147
- You must be
out of your mind!
- Your knee is in my coochie!
1143
01:05:50,247 --> 01:05:52,016
- Get off!
- Are you sick?
1144
01:05:52,116 --> 01:05:55,352
Do you have a death wish?
Why would you take a chance
on exposing us?
1145
01:05:55,452 --> 01:05:57,454
He'll talk about it
to Robert. She'll talk.
1146
01:05:57,554 --> 01:06:00,124
People will talk!
Then those guys will
find and kill us.
1147
01:06:00,224 --> 01:06:03,560
Your voice is giving me mono!
Nothing happened! Back off!
1148
01:06:03,660 --> 01:06:05,129
( gasps )
1149
01:06:08,132 --> 01:06:10,200
You yelled at me.
1150
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:14,271
We're fighting.
We never fight.
What's happening to us?
1151
01:06:14,371 --> 01:06:16,040
We're having
a nervous breakdown.
1152
01:06:16,140 --> 01:06:18,208
Maybe we're having
a delayed reaction
1153
01:06:18,308 --> 01:06:21,611
- to the trauma of being shot
at, like those guys in 'Nam.
- You can't say "'Nam."
1154
01:06:21,711 --> 01:06:24,048
You weren't in "'Nam"!
You have to call it Vietnam!
1155
01:06:24,148 --> 01:06:25,649
Shut up! I can call it
what I want.
1156
01:06:25,749 --> 01:06:28,352
Oh God, I kissed Jeff,
I kissed Jeff
1157
01:06:28,452 --> 01:06:31,021
and I want to kiss him again
without my wig!
1158
01:06:31,121 --> 01:06:32,522
You can't, Connie!
You can't!
1159
01:06:32,622 --> 01:06:35,025
- You did?
- Just my luck.
1160
01:06:35,125 --> 01:06:37,627
I meet the guy of my dreams
and he's straight.
1161
01:06:37,727 --> 01:06:40,897
Look at us!
We're ridiculous.
I can't do this anymore.
1162
01:06:40,997 --> 01:06:43,167
Shut up, Connie!
We're in this because of you.
1163
01:06:43,267 --> 01:06:47,371
It was your idea to borrow money
for new costumes even though
you knew Frank was a gangster.
1164
01:06:47,471 --> 01:06:50,107
So because of you,
we saw him get killed.
1165
01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:52,609
And then we-- yes we--
got shot at.
1166
01:06:52,709 --> 01:06:56,580
Shot at with real guns.
And that white powder?
That was cocaine.
1167
01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:59,783
You got us mixed up
with some real criminals--
murderers.
1168
01:06:59,883 --> 01:07:03,487
And it was your stupid idea
to be drag queens and now
we're in hiding for life
1169
01:07:03,587 --> 01:07:07,691
as women dressed as men
dressed as women, so shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
1170
01:07:13,297 --> 01:07:14,631
I--
1171
01:07:14,731 --> 01:07:16,300
You've been weird.
1172
01:07:18,535 --> 01:07:19,903
Cut it out.
1173
01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:22,339
Okay.
1174
01:07:27,744 --> 01:07:29,313
I'm sorry.
1175
01:07:36,186 --> 01:07:37,854
Brian:
Girls, we need help!
1176
01:07:37,954 --> 01:07:39,823
- Girls! Open the door!
- ( banging )
1177
01:07:39,923 --> 01:07:43,593
- Peaches and Jeff
are fighting. Come on!
- Let's go quick!
1178
01:07:43,693 --> 01:07:46,630
You won't even
go inside.
1179
01:07:46,730 --> 01:07:49,233
You won't dare to look
at the show.
1180
01:07:49,333 --> 01:07:51,368
I've asked you and asked you.
You won't do it.
1181
01:07:51,468 --> 01:07:55,372
Robert, I have invested
days and energy in this
relationship. I'm trying.
1182
01:07:55,472 --> 01:07:58,442
But you gotta
give me a break.
1183
01:07:58,542 --> 01:08:00,710
It's hard for me
to see you like this.
1184
01:08:00,810 --> 01:08:03,147
You can't pick and choose
the parts of me...
1185
01:08:04,248 --> 01:08:06,183
that don't make you
sick to your stomach.
1186
01:08:07,684 --> 01:08:10,387
You can't have
half a relationship
with me, Jeff.
1187
01:08:15,259 --> 01:08:17,127
Jeff?
1188
01:08:17,227 --> 01:08:18,762
Jeff:
Oh my God.
1189
01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:20,764
What are you--
what are you doing here?
1190
01:08:20,864 --> 01:08:24,634
- It's not what you think--
- Jeff, I can see that.
1191
01:08:24,734 --> 01:08:27,003
- So this is what
you've been up to?
- No--
1192
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,406
Sneaking around when you
said you were working?
1193
01:08:29,506 --> 01:08:31,475
( whispers )
That's his girlfriend.
1194
01:08:31,575 --> 01:08:33,577
- I thought you were
seeing other women.
- No, Mary.
1195
01:08:33,677 --> 01:08:35,412
Her name is Mary.
1196
01:08:35,512 --> 01:08:37,314
Jeff?
1197
01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:41,451
Introduce me
to your girlfriend.
1198
01:08:47,657 --> 01:08:49,293
Mary...
1199
01:08:50,727 --> 01:08:52,629
this is Robert...
1200
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:55,599
my brother.
1201
01:09:01,205 --> 01:09:03,373
- Oh...
- Connie: Okay...
1202
01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:06,142
we're gonna give you guys
some privacy.
1203
01:09:09,879 --> 01:09:11,615
Jeff, they're freaks.
1204
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:27,264
( huffs )
1205
01:09:52,289 --> 01:09:54,190
( sighs )
1206
01:10:00,330 --> 01:10:03,633
She's fine, he's fine,
everything's all right.
Let's leave her alone.
1207
01:10:03,733 --> 01:10:06,102
- Maybe a glass of water.
- My heart's pounding.
1208
01:10:06,202 --> 01:10:07,937
I thought she was
gonna kill that girl.
1209
01:10:08,037 --> 01:10:10,106
The one who should
watch out is that Jeff.
1210
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,809
I'm going to knock him
into next week, I swear
to God.
1211
01:10:12,909 --> 01:10:14,811
( Connie sighs )
1212
01:10:22,652 --> 01:10:24,688
( sighs )
1213
01:10:28,458 --> 01:10:30,894
Ouch, you know?
1214
01:10:33,963 --> 01:10:35,565
Yeah.
1215
01:10:38,635 --> 01:10:39,969
Christ.
1216
01:10:44,708 --> 01:10:46,343
Let's eat.
1217
01:10:46,443 --> 01:10:48,578
( laughing )
1218
01:10:48,678 --> 01:10:50,680
And he wouldn't stop
asking me questions.
1219
01:10:50,780 --> 01:10:53,317
It was like I was
Professor Cross-Dresser.
1220
01:10:53,417 --> 01:10:56,286
Like he says,
"Why are you called
drag queens?
1221
01:10:56,386 --> 01:10:59,323
Nobody's being dragged.
You're not dragging anything."
1222
01:10:59,423 --> 01:11:01,257
- It comes from Shakespeare.
- Really?
1223
01:11:01,358 --> 01:11:02,992
Yeah, he'd write
so-and-so enters
1224
01:11:03,092 --> 01:11:05,729
and in the margin,
he'd put the initials
D-R-A-G--
1225
01:11:05,829 --> 01:11:07,831
so-and-so enters
dressed as a girl.
1226
01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:10,834
Drag, okay,
Shakespeare,
1227
01:11:10,934 --> 01:11:13,002
- how about "Ophelia Up"?
- No.
1228
01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:14,771
- ( chuckles )
- Wanda DeCountryside?
1229
01:11:14,871 --> 01:11:16,806
- It's not me.
- Devoida Talent?
1230
01:11:16,906 --> 01:11:19,042
- Stop it
- ( laughing )
1231
01:11:19,142 --> 01:11:21,177
Brian:
I like Wanda DeCountryside.
1232
01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:23,447
What are you
looking here for?
That's your side.
1233
01:11:23,547 --> 01:11:26,983
- Turn around,
look over there.
- ( chattering )
1234
01:11:34,123 --> 01:11:36,192
Come by later
if you want to talk.
1235
01:11:36,292 --> 01:11:38,995
Oh, sweetie,
I am all talked out.
1236
01:11:45,034 --> 01:11:47,437
Hey?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1237
01:11:51,174 --> 01:11:54,578
- You okay?
- Yeah, I got guy problems.
1238
01:11:54,678 --> 01:11:56,513
Oh, sweetie.
1239
01:11:59,315 --> 01:12:00,517
Come on.
1240
01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:06,222
Welcome to
"What's Up, LA?"
1241
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:09,092
A dinner theater
that's full of drag queens?
1242
01:12:09,192 --> 01:12:12,228
- Holy stockings! Gorgeous--
- ...ice cream sundae.
1243
01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:13,830
- Connie and Carla.
- ( gasps )
1244
01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:16,500
There you are.
If you could spare us
five minutes...
1245
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:19,002
- ( screaming )
- Tell how you've become
such a big hit
1246
01:12:19,102 --> 01:12:21,371
in West Hollywood.
Just tell us something.
1247
01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:23,973
Don't be shy,
you've made a big splash.
1248
01:12:24,073 --> 01:12:27,377
- It's just a local station.
- Our viewers are dying
to know you.
1249
01:12:27,477 --> 01:12:31,515
- Okay.
- Connie and Carla, what makes
you the best drag queens ever?
1250
01:12:31,615 --> 01:12:33,617
( snaps )
Honey, we do
our own singing.
1251
01:12:33,717 --> 01:12:36,019
No lip-synching
for us, toots.
1252
01:12:36,119 --> 01:12:39,623
We do all your favorite
show tunes wrapped in
a delicious dinner.
1253
01:12:41,157 --> 01:12:42,659
That was a big mistake.
1254
01:12:42,759 --> 01:12:45,261
We've been flirting
with disaster since
we went on stage.
1255
01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:46,696
- Carla! Connie.
- ( screams )
1256
01:12:46,796 --> 01:12:48,932
- What are you doing here?
- What's going on?
1257
01:12:49,032 --> 01:12:51,367
- How did you find us?
- How come you're a guy now?
1258
01:12:51,468 --> 01:12:53,603
Connie, I think a lot
of people just saw that.
1259
01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:56,706
But it's local news,
there's no way that Russian
or Rudy guy saw it.
1260
01:12:56,806 --> 01:12:58,942
- Mr. Rudy, our boss.
- You work for Rudy?
1261
01:12:59,042 --> 01:13:00,877
- He sent us to find you.
- ( screams )
1262
01:13:00,977 --> 01:13:03,279
- Why? What the hell?
- Tell Rudy we want to live.
1263
01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:05,715
We're not going
to tell anybody
he killed poor Frank.
1264
01:13:05,815 --> 01:13:07,817
- Wait, he killed Frank?
- Yeah.
1265
01:13:07,917 --> 01:13:10,319
- You should listen to the guys.
- We saw him kill Frank.
1266
01:13:10,420 --> 01:13:11,655
- To death.
- What happened?
1267
01:13:11,755 --> 01:13:14,023
Rudy knows you're in LA.
We've got to get out of town.
1268
01:13:14,123 --> 01:13:16,626
We can't,
the official opening
is tomorrow night.
1269
01:13:16,726 --> 01:13:19,295
We can't let everybody down,
they're depending on us.
1270
01:13:19,395 --> 01:13:22,766
- We can't do that to Stanley.
- Why'd you cheat on me, Mikey?
1271
01:13:22,866 --> 01:13:25,401
I didn't, Carla, ever.
1272
01:13:25,502 --> 01:13:27,571
Al just made that up
'cause he was mad at Connie.
1273
01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:31,007
Come on, Carla,
don't go be a guy.
1274
01:13:31,107 --> 01:13:33,643
You don't understand,
Mikey, I like doing
the show.
1275
01:13:33,743 --> 01:13:35,912
I'm good at it.
I like being Carla
and Connie.
1276
01:13:36,012 --> 01:13:38,882
- "Connie and Carla."
- How come your name's
always first?
1277
01:13:38,982 --> 01:13:40,650
- It sounds better.
- This is serious.
1278
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,452
- We know.
- So, let's go already.
1279
01:13:42,552 --> 01:13:44,921
I need time to think.
Your voice is giving me
shingles.
1280
01:13:45,021 --> 01:13:46,756
We need time.
Connie's gonna
make a plan.
1281
01:13:46,856 --> 01:13:48,958
- I'm gonna make a plan.
- She's gonna make a plan.
1282
01:13:49,058 --> 01:13:51,928
Fine, call us at this motel,
room 209, first thing
in the morning.
1283
01:13:52,028 --> 01:13:53,730
- Want to stay over?
- Yeah--
1284
01:13:53,830 --> 01:13:55,331
- Carla, let's go.
- Call me.
1285
01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:57,233
- Connie, miss me?
Yeah, you did.
- Connie: No.
1286
01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:00,604
Rudy, I find them.
1287
01:14:00,704 --> 01:14:01,838
( knocks )
1288
01:14:03,773 --> 01:14:05,374
- I'm an ass.
- ( scoffs )
1289
01:14:05,475 --> 01:14:08,211
I should've seen
your show and told my
girlfriend about you.
1290
01:14:08,311 --> 01:14:10,547
I should have
just loved you
and accepted you
1291
01:14:10,647 --> 01:14:13,016
and been okay
with the fact that
you wear dresses.
1292
01:14:16,720 --> 01:14:18,888
I'm sorry, Robbie.
1293
01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:29,933
It's just that
when you left home
it was hard on me.
1294
01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:33,002
I was 12 years old.
I wake up one morning,
you're just gone.
1295
01:14:33,102 --> 01:14:36,740
- You didn't call me,
you never even wrote to me.
- I got kicked out.
1296
01:14:40,510 --> 01:14:43,613
- What? No--
- Mom and Dad kicked me out.
1297
01:14:43,713 --> 01:14:46,182
They found my bra.
1298
01:14:46,282 --> 01:14:48,518
You thought I left?
1299
01:14:50,687 --> 01:14:52,622
- Yeah...
- ( sighs )
1300
01:15:00,797 --> 01:15:03,399
Whatever happened,
1301
01:15:03,633 --> 01:15:05,635
Mom regrets it.
1302
01:15:05,735 --> 01:15:09,472
- She does?
- Oh, yeah. Dad too.
1303
01:15:09,573 --> 01:15:13,009
- ( scoffs )
- ( chuckles )
1304
01:15:13,109 --> 01:15:14,878
No, they want to see you.
1305
01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,983
Jeff, for the first time
in my life I like who I am.
1306
01:15:21,217 --> 01:15:23,953
Forget it.
1307
01:15:24,053 --> 01:15:26,823
I just-- I don't know.
1308
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:29,726
I want to be part
of your life.
1309
01:15:36,633 --> 01:15:38,534
I'll say hi to Mom
and Dad for you.
1310
01:15:41,738 --> 01:15:44,107
- And Grandma too.
- Okay.
1311
01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:05,729
Oh and, Jeff,
just a heads up,
1312
01:16:05,829 --> 01:16:08,598
my roommate, N' Cream
1313
01:16:08,698 --> 01:16:10,466
is on a tear
to kick your ass.
1314
01:16:10,566 --> 01:16:13,903
N' Cream, the--?
Oh, the little--
1315
01:16:14,003 --> 01:16:15,171
Yeah, the...
1316
01:16:18,374 --> 01:16:20,744
- Tell him to bring it.
- Make a joke, I warned you.
1317
01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:23,780
- Thanks for the warning.
- Go, go, go.
1318
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:28,151
( knocks )
1319
01:16:30,386 --> 01:16:33,356
- Hi.
- Hi.
1320
01:16:35,659 --> 01:16:38,728
- Robert's not here.
- I know, I just came
from up there.
1321
01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:41,130
- Uh-huh.
- About the other night,
I wanted to--
1322
01:16:41,230 --> 01:16:44,067
Yeah.
How's Mary?
1323
01:16:44,167 --> 01:16:48,037
We talked about things
for hours.
1324
01:16:48,137 --> 01:16:50,439
It's not good, I mean
the relationship, it's--
1325
01:16:50,674 --> 01:16:52,275
we broke up.
1326
01:16:55,344 --> 01:16:57,580
Oh...
1327
01:16:57,681 --> 01:16:59,282
I wanted to apologize
to you.
1328
01:17:02,251 --> 01:17:05,321
You're not freaks,
you're not a freak.
1329
01:17:05,421 --> 01:17:07,290
I hated seeing you hurt.
1330
01:17:08,992 --> 01:17:10,994
Thanks, Jeff.
1331
01:17:11,094 --> 01:17:14,630
I have fun
when I'm with you--
all of you.
1332
01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:20,169
- It's just, I'm not--
- I know, you told me.
1333
01:17:20,269 --> 01:17:21,938
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1334
01:17:30,880 --> 01:17:33,683
- Bye.
- Bye.
1335
01:17:43,492 --> 01:17:45,628
Man:
Good morning, LA.
1336
01:17:45,729 --> 01:17:47,363
Looking at the freeways,
three cars
1337
01:17:47,463 --> 01:17:49,632
have gotten together
on the 101 at Winnetka...
1338
01:17:49,733 --> 01:17:53,469
Mikey, Connie
and Carla will call.
1339
01:17:53,703 --> 01:17:55,171
I know.
1340
01:17:58,541 --> 01:18:00,443
- Woman: Sahara Motel.
- Hi, room 209.
1341
01:18:00,543 --> 01:18:03,179
- I'll connect you.
- ( phone rings )
1342
01:18:03,279 --> 01:18:04,347
- Hello?
- Hi, Al.
1343
01:18:04,447 --> 01:18:06,282
- Connie.
- We're coming--
1344
01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:08,317
- Rudy's on his way.
- What?
1345
01:18:08,417 --> 01:18:11,254
- He's gonna kill us all.
We gotta get out of here.
- Okay, bye.
1346
01:18:11,354 --> 01:18:14,357
Mikey talked to a guy from work.
Rudy's on his way to LA.
We've got to go.
1347
01:18:14,457 --> 01:18:16,325
No.
1348
01:18:16,425 --> 01:18:19,362
Carla,
we're going to die.
1349
01:18:19,462 --> 01:18:21,931
I'm so sorry
for dragging you
into this mess.
1350
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:23,800
I love this mess.
1351
01:18:23,900 --> 01:18:26,302
Thank you for dragging me--
pun intended.
1352
01:18:27,937 --> 01:18:31,107
Who says they're gonna
find us in this big city?
1353
01:18:31,207 --> 01:18:34,811
Would they be looking
for a couple of queens?
1354
01:18:34,911 --> 01:18:38,114
Here's my plan:
We launch the show.
We stay for one night.
1355
01:18:38,214 --> 01:18:40,917
The audience sees how great
the guys are and they come back,
1356
01:18:41,017 --> 01:18:43,887
- and Stanley
doesn't lose any money.
- That's a good plan.
1357
01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:45,421
I know.
1358
01:18:47,290 --> 01:18:48,858
( laughs )
1359
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:52,128
One night.
1360
01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:58,201
One last show.
1361
01:18:59,969 --> 01:19:02,338
- Okay?
- Okay.
1362
01:19:15,018 --> 01:19:17,320
I've been thinking,
we should have
the guys enter
1363
01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:19,923
from the back of the house
on "Good Morning, Starshine."
1364
01:19:20,023 --> 01:19:22,926
Woman:
Oh honey, if you're gonna
enter from the house,
1365
01:19:23,026 --> 01:19:25,929
you've gotta do it
on "76 Trombones."
1366
01:19:26,029 --> 01:19:27,831
- ( both scream )
- Debbie Reynolds!
1367
01:19:27,931 --> 01:19:30,066
( both )
Hi, hi, hi.
1368
01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:32,701
Hello there, hello there.
1369
01:19:32,802 --> 01:19:34,670
Somebody put a letter
in my mailbox.
1370
01:19:34,770 --> 01:19:37,106
I found your house
on the star map.
1371
01:19:37,206 --> 01:19:40,343
You know you've got
a pretty hot idea here--
a dinner theater.
1372
01:19:40,443 --> 01:19:42,812
- Oh.
- Will you please
be in our show?
1373
01:19:42,912 --> 01:19:46,015
Will you? We open tonight,
so there's not a lot
of time to rehearse.
1374
01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:49,986
Oh, honey,
I've got sheet music
and gorgeous gowns
1375
01:19:50,086 --> 01:19:52,889
and a good underwire bra.
I could go on now.
1376
01:19:52,989 --> 01:19:54,423
( both squeal, laugh )
1377
01:19:54,523 --> 01:19:56,459
So chins up, boobs out,
it's show time.
1378
01:19:56,559 --> 01:19:57,660
( screams )
1379
01:19:57,894 --> 01:19:59,795
( honks )
1380
01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:10,974
( applause )
1381
01:20:17,180 --> 01:20:18,814
Thank you.
1382
01:20:20,149 --> 01:20:22,218
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to welcome you
1383
01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:25,421
to the official opening
of Stanley's Dinner Theater--
1384
01:20:29,558 --> 01:20:31,861
We love you,
Stanley.
1385
01:20:38,401 --> 01:20:39,502
Thank you.
1386
01:20:41,971 --> 01:20:44,974
And now please say hello
to the Belles of the Balls
1387
01:20:45,074 --> 01:20:48,177
and the one, the only
Connie and Carla!
1388
01:20:53,716 --> 01:20:56,285
- Oh, sit back, sweets.
- It's just us.
1389
01:20:56,385 --> 01:21:00,756
- Have we got a show for you.
- I hope you brought a change
of panties, 'cause...
1390
01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:04,527
* I'm just a girl
who cain't say no *
1391
01:21:04,627 --> 01:21:07,596
* I'm in a turrible fix
1392
01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:11,500
* I always say
come on, let's go *
1393
01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:14,037
* Just when
I oughta say nix *
1394
01:21:14,137 --> 01:21:17,907
* When a person tries
to kiss a girl *
1395
01:21:18,007 --> 01:21:20,476
* I know she ought
to give his face a smack *
1396
01:21:20,576 --> 01:21:21,810
- Smack.
- Smack.
1397
01:21:21,911 --> 01:21:25,181
* But as soon
as someone kisses me *
1398
01:21:25,281 --> 01:21:31,120
* I somehow sorta want
to kiss 'em back. *
1399
01:21:33,422 --> 01:21:35,391
Ladies and gentleman,
please welcome
1400
01:21:35,491 --> 01:21:38,094
our very special
guest,
1401
01:21:38,194 --> 01:21:41,130
Ms. Debbie Reynolds.
1402
01:21:41,230 --> 01:21:43,366
( cheering )
1403
01:21:45,034 --> 01:21:48,171
* There are worse
things I could do *
1404
01:21:48,271 --> 01:21:50,173
* Doo-wop
1405
01:21:50,273 --> 01:21:54,043
* Than go with a boy or two
1406
01:21:54,143 --> 01:21:56,245
* Two-wop
1407
01:21:56,345 --> 01:21:59,448
* Even though
the neighborhood *
1408
01:21:59,548 --> 01:22:02,185
- * Thinks I'm
trashy and no good *
- * Ooh, she's no good
1409
01:22:02,285 --> 01:22:05,121
* I suppose it could be true
1410
01:22:05,221 --> 01:22:08,591
- * But there's worse
things I could do *
- * Wop.
1411
01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:15,564
- * Memory
- ( meowing )
1412
01:22:15,664 --> 01:22:18,901
* All alone
in the moonlight *
1413
01:22:19,002 --> 01:22:22,238
* I can smile
at the old days *
1414
01:22:22,338 --> 01:22:24,940
- Police! Drop the cat.
- * I was beautiful then.
1415
01:22:25,041 --> 01:22:27,243
On your knees,
hands in the air.
1416
01:22:27,343 --> 01:22:30,713
* Kiss today goodbye
1417
01:22:33,149 --> 01:22:37,053
* The sweetness
and the sorrow *
1418
01:22:39,522 --> 01:22:46,362
* We did what
we had to do *
1419
01:22:49,798 --> 01:22:52,635
* Won't forget,
can't regret *
1420
01:22:52,735 --> 01:22:59,108
* What I did for love
1421
01:23:00,243 --> 01:23:06,149
* What I did for love
1422
01:23:06,249 --> 01:23:11,620
* What I did for love.
1423
01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:56,065
* Good morning, Starshine
1424
01:23:56,165 --> 01:24:00,203
* The earth says hello
1425
01:24:00,303 --> 01:24:03,072
* You twinkle above us
1426
01:24:03,172 --> 01:24:05,474
* We twinkle below...
1427
01:24:05,574 --> 01:24:08,111
Oh my God,
I can't believe it,
what are we going to do?
1428
01:24:08,211 --> 01:24:09,478
( screams )
1429
01:24:09,578 --> 01:24:13,949
* Good morning, Starshine,
you lead us along *
1430
01:24:14,049 --> 01:24:15,618
- * My love and me
- ( screams )
1431
01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:18,621
* As we sing
1432
01:24:18,721 --> 01:24:22,125
* Our early morning
singing song. *
1433
01:24:22,225 --> 01:24:24,793
( audience claps along,
cheering )
1434
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:29,232
* You coax the blues
right out of the horn *
1435
01:24:29,332 --> 01:24:31,467
* Mame
1436
01:24:31,567 --> 01:24:35,538
* You charm the husk
right off of the corn *
1437
01:24:35,638 --> 01:24:37,506
* Mame
1438
01:24:37,606 --> 01:24:40,743
* You've got
the banjos strumming *
1439
01:24:40,843 --> 01:24:44,113
* And plunkin' out a tune
to beat the band... *
1440
01:24:44,213 --> 01:24:46,549
- ( screams )
- Tibor: Come here!
1441
01:24:46,649 --> 01:24:48,351
( screams, gasps )
1442
01:24:49,585 --> 01:24:51,254
Connie: Okay.
1443
01:24:51,354 --> 01:24:53,989
- ( coughing )
- You've got something
that's mine.
1444
01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:55,591
- You killed poor Frank.
- You did!
1445
01:24:55,691 --> 01:24:57,826
- Let them go, Mr. Rudy.
- Get lost.
1446
01:25:00,763 --> 01:25:03,832
- Kick it, girls.
- * Mame
1447
01:25:03,932 --> 01:25:06,769
- Let's go, ladies.
- Oh no.
1448
01:25:06,869 --> 01:25:08,271
( grunts )
1449
01:25:08,371 --> 01:25:10,506
* Mame.
1450
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:13,108
- ( laughter )
- Take care of the Debbie.
1451
01:25:13,209 --> 01:25:15,311
I loved you in
"What's the Matter
With Helen?"
1452
01:25:15,411 --> 01:25:18,314
- ( groaning )
- ( grunting, screaming )
1453
01:25:24,387 --> 01:25:25,388
( screams )
1454
01:25:25,488 --> 01:25:26,689
( laughing )
1455
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:31,660
( yelling )
1456
01:25:33,696 --> 01:25:36,165
You screwed up the number,
you bastard!
1457
01:25:39,902 --> 01:25:41,670
Ow, ow, ow...
1458
01:25:43,906 --> 01:25:45,408
( cheering )
1459
01:25:48,811 --> 01:25:50,646
( all screaming )
1460
01:25:50,746 --> 01:25:53,148
- Get up.
- No.
1461
01:26:06,295 --> 01:26:07,763
( girls whimpering )
1462
01:26:10,633 --> 01:26:11,734
Beads.
1463
01:26:11,834 --> 01:26:12,868
Hey!
1464
01:26:17,573 --> 01:26:19,842
Paul:
Get them!
1465
01:26:21,310 --> 01:26:22,745
( cheering )
1466
01:26:24,179 --> 01:26:25,248
Lee:
You guys are bad!
1467
01:26:26,315 --> 01:26:28,317
Police!
Everybody freeze!
1468
01:26:32,855 --> 01:26:35,190
- These are the bad guys.
- The bad guys.
1469
01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:39,094
- You got to take them away.
- Cop: All right, ladies,
we'll take it from here.
1470
01:26:39,194 --> 01:26:42,365
- He killed fat man!
- He had a gland problem.
1471
01:26:42,465 --> 01:26:45,167
- Cop: Cuff 'em.
- You're horrible.
How do you like it?
1472
01:26:45,268 --> 01:26:48,804
- Oh, what are you doing?
- Oh, Mikey, I love you.
1473
01:26:48,904 --> 01:26:51,106
- I love you.
- Thanks, Al,
you did good.
1474
01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:52,808
- No problem, Con.
- Hey, good show.
1475
01:26:52,908 --> 01:26:55,244
- All: Thanks.
- You need a baritone?
1476
01:26:55,344 --> 01:26:57,045
Yeah, call us
when you get out.
1477
01:26:57,280 --> 01:26:59,214
( applause )
1478
01:27:10,359 --> 01:27:12,795
Okay, on with the show.
"Mame."
1479
01:27:12,895 --> 01:27:14,497
Top of "corn."
1480
01:27:17,900 --> 01:27:19,968
Hey, what the hell
was that all about?
1481
01:27:21,404 --> 01:27:23,539
Um...
the "Guys and Dolls"
tribute.
1482
01:27:23,639 --> 01:27:25,908
Oh, save it, Mary,
what just happened?
1483
01:27:27,009 --> 01:27:28,711
Come on, Connie.
1484
01:27:31,614 --> 01:27:33,882
Let's tell them
the truth.
1485
01:27:33,982 --> 01:27:35,884
No more lies.
1486
01:27:42,358 --> 01:27:44,527
( faint chatter )
1487
01:27:46,629 --> 01:27:49,632
I'm sure you're
all wondering
1488
01:27:49,732 --> 01:27:51,567
what the cops and...
1489
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:55,904
First we owed
some money,
1490
01:27:56,004 --> 01:27:57,940
and then we saw
something,
1491
01:27:58,040 --> 01:28:00,676
and we've been
hiding for a while
1492
01:28:00,776 --> 01:28:03,278
pretending to be
something that we're not.
1493
01:28:10,018 --> 01:28:11,687
Hey, who saw "Yentl"?
1494
01:28:14,657 --> 01:28:18,193
Barbara Streisand wants
to study the Talmud, right?
1495
01:28:18,293 --> 01:28:19,895
But she can't,
because she's a woman.
1496
01:28:19,995 --> 01:28:22,698
So she pretends
to be a man,
1497
01:28:22,798 --> 01:28:25,267
and one thing
leads to the next
1498
01:28:25,368 --> 01:28:27,703
and before
you know it--
1499
01:28:29,705 --> 01:28:32,975
Everybody believes
that she's a man.
1500
01:28:33,075 --> 01:28:35,411
She has to keep lying.
1501
01:28:35,511 --> 01:28:37,346
Even though she wants
to stop, she can't,
1502
01:28:37,446 --> 01:28:40,349
'cause she has
to keep lying to people
that she cares about--
1503
01:28:41,817 --> 01:28:44,052
you know, that have
been really kind.
1504
01:28:47,356 --> 01:28:48,557
Look...
1505
01:28:48,657 --> 01:28:50,659
uh...
1506
01:28:53,596 --> 01:28:55,531
we're women.
( chuckles )
1507
01:28:57,032 --> 01:28:59,402
( scattered laughs )
1508
01:28:59,502 --> 01:29:01,804
No, you don't get it,
we're women.
1509
01:29:02,905 --> 01:29:04,807
( murmuring )
1510
01:29:08,844 --> 01:29:10,078
( gasps, screams )
1511
01:29:12,047 --> 01:29:14,483
- ( groans )
- ( chuckles )
1512
01:29:14,583 --> 01:29:16,485
( gags )
1513
01:29:20,088 --> 01:29:23,526
- We're sorry we lied.
- We're so sorry.
1514
01:29:23,626 --> 01:29:25,861
( crowd booing )
1515
01:29:25,961 --> 01:29:29,632
- Go home.
- Get off the stage.
1516
01:29:31,066 --> 01:29:33,101
Let's go back
to Chicago.
1517
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:35,738
The patio door is shut
and our hair is caught
in it.
1518
01:29:35,838 --> 01:29:38,306
- I know.
- Woman: Excuse me.
1519
01:29:38,507 --> 01:29:40,609
Excuse me, hello?
1520
01:29:43,245 --> 01:29:45,548
Didn't you used to work
at the Slimming Salon?
1521
01:29:45,648 --> 01:29:47,550
Yes.
1522
01:29:47,650 --> 01:29:49,518
Mrs. Morse?
1523
01:29:51,954 --> 01:29:53,656
Well, I don't care
what you are,
1524
01:29:53,756 --> 01:29:55,758
you always made me
feel beautiful.
1525
01:29:55,858 --> 01:29:59,928
- ( murmuring )
- But we thought you were men,
and you're not really men.
1526
01:30:01,396 --> 01:30:03,231
Oh, honey,
who is anymore?
1527
01:30:03,466 --> 01:30:05,000
( laughing )
1528
01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:07,002
( clapping )
1529
01:30:08,671 --> 01:30:10,506
( both giggle )
1530
01:30:10,606 --> 01:30:12,441
I thought something
was up.
1531
01:30:12,541 --> 01:30:14,443
- Me too.
- No, you didn't.
1532
01:30:14,543 --> 01:30:17,179
Robert:
Girls, in an
art form based on
1533
01:30:17,279 --> 01:30:20,148
being true
to one's real self,
welcome to your outing.
1534
01:30:27,990 --> 01:30:29,925
- Jeff?
- Connie?
1535
01:30:30,025 --> 01:30:31,527
Oh, great, more drama.
1536
01:30:31,627 --> 01:30:34,329
- You came to my show.
- I love show tunes.
1537
01:30:34,429 --> 01:30:36,131
Hey everybody,
this is my brother Jeff.
1538
01:30:36,231 --> 01:30:38,467
Crowd:
Hi, Jeff.
1539
01:30:39,802 --> 01:30:41,637
Hi...
1540
01:30:41,737 --> 01:30:43,906
You look...
you look different.
1541
01:30:45,708 --> 01:30:47,476
Jeff, I'm a woman.
1542
01:30:47,576 --> 01:30:50,479
( laughs )
Oh, it's an authentic look.
1543
01:30:50,579 --> 01:30:52,615
- Yeah, but--
- No, I mean I'm female.
1544
01:30:52,715 --> 01:30:55,150
We're girls,
we were faking it.
It's this long story--
1545
01:30:55,250 --> 01:30:57,786
Please, we've been over that.
1546
01:31:00,088 --> 01:31:01,724
Really.
1547
01:31:09,464 --> 01:31:10,766
Really?
1548
01:31:12,601 --> 01:31:16,038
- Really?
- Crowd: Yes!
1549
01:31:22,778 --> 01:31:24,179
I could get used to that.
1550
01:31:25,881 --> 01:31:28,651
Jeff is the guy?
1551
01:31:28,751 --> 01:31:30,485
Yeah.
1552
01:31:30,586 --> 01:31:33,121
- You're the guy!
- ( chuckles )
1553
01:31:33,221 --> 01:31:35,123
Well, get up here
and kiss her, you fool.
1554
01:31:35,223 --> 01:31:37,025
( whooping )
1555
01:31:58,981 --> 01:31:59,982
( whistling )
1556
01:32:12,895 --> 01:32:15,130
- Ooh, the finale.
- Crowd: What?
1557
01:32:15,230 --> 01:32:18,066
- The finale.
- Oh.
1558
01:32:20,168 --> 01:32:22,838
* There is nothing
like a dame *
1559
01:32:22,938 --> 01:32:25,774
* Nothing in the world
1560
01:32:25,874 --> 01:32:28,711
* There is nothing
you can name *
1561
01:32:28,811 --> 01:32:31,780
* That is anything
like a dame *
1562
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:35,483
* There are no books
like a dame *
1563
01:32:35,584 --> 01:32:38,754
* And nothing looks
like a dame *
1564
01:32:38,854 --> 01:32:42,758
- * There are no drinks...
- Carla's a big star now.
1565
01:32:42,858 --> 01:32:44,793
And I'm her boyfriend.
1566
01:32:44,893 --> 01:32:48,230
* Nothing acts like a dame
1567
01:32:48,330 --> 01:32:51,499
* Or attracts like a dame
1568
01:32:51,600 --> 01:32:55,470
* There ain't
a thing that's wrong
with any man here *
1569
01:32:55,570 --> 01:32:58,173
* That can't be cured
by putting him near *
1570
01:32:58,273 --> 01:33:03,445
* A girly, womanly,
female, feminine... *
1571
01:33:03,679 --> 01:33:04,780
( cries )
1572
01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:09,652
* Dame.
1573
01:33:09,752 --> 01:33:11,687
( applause )
1574
01:33:11,787 --> 01:33:13,321
( both laugh )
1575
01:33:22,665 --> 01:33:25,233
( instrumental music playing )
116972