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1
00:00:02,982 --> 00:00:04,184
-Hi.
-KAT: Hi!
2
00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:05,888
Um, can I get
two blueberry muffins,
3
00:00:05,955 --> 00:00:07,257
one banana, one chocolate chip?
4
00:00:07,324 --> 00:00:11,065
Actually, our regular baker Phil
is on vacation,
5
00:00:11,165 --> 00:00:12,936
so we don't have
our usual variety.
6
00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:17,044
We do, however, have
our usual variety of smiles.
7
00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:19,014
There's a Starbucks
on the corner.
8
00:00:19,081 --> 00:00:22,087
You can order on your phone
and talk to no one.
9
00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:24,593
Uh, what kinds of muffins
do you have?
10
00:00:25,861 --> 00:00:27,565
Uh... brown?
11
00:00:27,632 --> 00:00:30,605
All right,
I'll take four brown muffins.
12
00:00:30,705 --> 00:00:31,238
Oh, great!
13
00:00:31,339 --> 00:00:33,042
Regular or extra crispy?
14
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:35,881
Trick question,
because we only have one kind
15
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,451
and it's not the one you want.
16
00:00:37,517 --> 00:00:40,691
You can literally see
the Starbucks from here.
17
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:42,795
Thanks a lot, Mother.
18
00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:43,797
Here.
19
00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:45,066
Don't break a tooth.
20
00:00:45,668 --> 00:00:47,705
Oh, look! Phil just sent me
some pictures
21
00:00:47,772 --> 00:00:50,277
-of him and Jalen in Tahiti!
-Oh!
-Ooh!
22
00:00:50,377 --> 00:00:52,247
Look how happy they are.
23
00:00:52,314 --> 00:00:53,684
Lying on the beach,
24
00:00:53,784 --> 00:00:55,420
tropical drinks in their hands.
25
00:00:55,487 --> 00:00:59,763
Well, at least we still have
January in Kentucky.
26
00:00:59,829 --> 00:01:03,169
WOMAN:
You go ahead
and write me that ticket!
27
00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:04,773
I'm-a file it in the trash,
28
00:01:04,839 --> 00:01:08,847
right next to my jury summons
and my tax bill!
29
00:01:11,085 --> 00:01:13,222
Hey. What y'all doin'?
30
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,995
Uh, hi.
Uh, I'm just living my...
31
00:01:16,095 --> 00:01:17,497
Oh, shut your smile hole.
32
00:01:17,565 --> 00:01:20,738
Now, I'm gonna need an apron,
directions to the kitchen
33
00:01:20,838 --> 00:01:22,341
and, after my coffee kicks in,
34
00:01:22,407 --> 00:01:24,980
I'm gonna need about ten minutes
in the bathroom
35
00:01:25,046 --> 00:01:26,850
by myself.
36
00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:28,086
Um, uh, uh,
37
00:01:28,152 --> 00:01:29,756
wh-who exactly are you?
38
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:30,992
Lurlene Crumpler.
39
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,361
Phil's mama!
40
00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:33,998
Wow!
41
00:01:34,131 --> 00:01:36,068
It is so nice to meet you!
42
00:01:36,168 --> 00:01:39,208
But, um, I'm confused--
why do you need an apron?
43
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,012
My Phil is on vacation.
44
00:01:41,112 --> 00:01:44,653
It's Crumpler custom to do his
work for him while he's gone.
45
00:01:44,719 --> 00:01:46,522
I do it for all my kin.
46
00:01:46,657 --> 00:01:50,163
Shoot, that's how I learnt
to dance on a pole.
47
00:01:51,465 --> 00:01:53,136
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
48
00:01:53,236 --> 00:01:56,142
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
49
00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,779
All right, y'all!
50
00:01:57,845 --> 00:01:59,014
Here we go!
51
00:01:59,114 --> 00:02:00,785
Who's ready for a muffin?
52
00:02:00,885 --> 00:02:03,156
I've got butter, buttercream,
53
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,793
butter-free and possum.
54
00:02:04,893 --> 00:02:06,429
(chuckles):
I'm just kidding.
55
00:02:06,495 --> 00:02:08,099
There ain't no butter-free.
56
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,435
-MAX: Uh...
-(chuckles)
57
00:02:09,535 --> 00:02:10,470
(inhales)
58
00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:12,775
Wow, these smell amazing,
Mrs. Crumpler,
59
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:16,449
but I'm kind of on
a gluten reset right now.
60
00:02:17,184 --> 00:02:18,821
-Yeah, I'll take a buttercream.
-(Kat chuckles)
61
00:02:18,887 --> 00:02:21,258
-You're damn right you will,
string bean.
-Mm.
62
00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:23,964
None of you look like
you've eaten since July.
63
00:02:24,064 --> 00:02:26,068
Except for this sturdy one.
64
00:02:26,168 --> 00:02:27,404
When the world goes to hell,
65
00:02:27,471 --> 00:02:30,510
we keep you around
to pull the plow.
66
00:02:30,578 --> 00:02:31,747
Oh, my gosh.
67
00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:34,318
These are amazing. Our customers
are gonna love these.
68
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,155
No kidding.
These are better than sex.
69
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,459
And look who I have sex with.
70
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,566
-What's your secret?
-Uh-uh.
71
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:44,572
My Phil always says, "Never ask
a Crumpler for a recipe,
72
00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:48,179
their address or what side
of the war they fought on."
73
00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:50,885
We might be eating
Confederate muffins.
74
00:02:51,018 --> 00:02:54,458
I don't give a damn. If you
don't want yours, I'll take it.
75
00:02:54,559 --> 00:02:55,360
(cat meows)
76
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,097
What is with all these cats?
77
00:02:57,164 --> 00:02:58,600
-Do y'all have a rat problem?
-(chuckles)
78
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,305
You know, it's a good thing
I brought my indoor gun.
79
00:03:01,372 --> 00:03:03,977
Oh, no, Mrs. Crumpler,
uh, no guns.
80
00:03:04,078 --> 00:03:05,246
We're a rescue café.
81
00:03:05,313 --> 00:03:07,250
The cats are here
because we love them.
82
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,687
Actually...
83
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:09,656
Eh.
84
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,225
Shoot 'em, Lurlene.
85
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,164
You know,
y'all can call me "Mama,"
86
00:03:14,231 --> 00:03:16,937
just like
my little Philliam does.
87
00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:17,605
Philliam?
88
00:03:17,672 --> 00:03:19,141
Well, that's his given name.
89
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,878
It was supposed to be William,
90
00:03:20,978 --> 00:03:22,314
but his daddy was pretty drunk
91
00:03:22,414 --> 00:03:24,218
when he filled out
the birth certificate.
92
00:03:24,284 --> 00:03:26,055
Been there.
93
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,592
So, Abercrombie and Fitch,
94
00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:30,263
I'm gonna need some help
on my farm while I'm gone.
95
00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,633
Y'all know anything
about animals?
96
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,071
I know about animals
'cause I run a bar,
97
00:03:34,138 --> 00:03:35,106
so... (laughs)
98
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,344
I'm kinda the funny one here.
99
00:03:38,279 --> 00:03:40,517
-(chickens clucking)
-(horse neighs in distance)
100
00:03:40,618 --> 00:03:42,989
All right, so we have, uh,
101
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,493
Barbra and... Liza.
102
00:03:45,561 --> 00:03:48,533
-I'm guessing Phil named them.
-Mm-hmm.
103
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,706
So, Mama says we need
to feed 'em and milk 'em.
104
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,411
All right.
I'll feed 'em, you milk 'em.
105
00:03:54,511 --> 00:03:55,981
So, what do you think they eat?
106
00:03:56,048 --> 00:03:59,087
According to the Chick-fil-A
signs, they like chicken.
107
00:03:59,121 --> 00:04:00,256
(chuckles)
108
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,726
Howdy, Liza.
109
00:04:02,527 --> 00:04:04,465
I'm going to need
your verbal consent
110
00:04:04,566 --> 00:04:06,268
before I milk your teats.
111
00:04:06,402 --> 00:04:08,139
(Liza moos)
112
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,909
All right, let's party.
113
00:04:09,976 --> 00:04:11,913
Okay, seriously,
114
00:04:12,013 --> 00:04:12,782
what do cows eat?
115
00:04:12,849 --> 00:04:13,784
-Hay.
-What?
116
00:04:13,851 --> 00:04:14,786
That's what they eat.
117
00:04:14,853 --> 00:04:16,021
-What?
-Hay.
118
00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:17,324
Fine. If you don't want
to tell me,
119
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,762
I'm-a just feed 'em this grass.
120
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,871
Now, I assume this one's
chocolate, this one's vanilla
121
00:04:23,937 --> 00:04:25,507
and this one's strawberry.
122
00:04:25,574 --> 00:04:28,279
Ooh, I hope
the last one is swirl.
123
00:04:28,346 --> 00:04:29,281
Check it out!
124
00:04:29,314 --> 00:04:31,051
Got milk?
125
00:04:31,152 --> 00:04:33,322
(laughs)
126
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,228
Hold on.
127
00:04:36,295 --> 00:04:38,299
Is there something wrong
with your mouth?
128
00:04:38,399 --> 00:04:39,836
There must be,
129
00:04:39,903 --> 00:04:42,107
because I know there's
nothing wrong with this muffin.
130
00:04:42,174 --> 00:04:43,509
Oh, it's good. I'm just full.
131
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:45,848
This muffin was made
with a mama's love.
132
00:04:45,915 --> 00:04:49,454
You either eat it or I'm-a shove
it into your stomach myself.
133
00:04:49,521 --> 00:04:51,593
And I can go
from top or bottom--
134
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:52,862
your choice.
135
00:04:53,897 --> 00:04:55,935
I would choose top.
136
00:04:59,441 --> 00:05:00,611
Hey, what are you doing?
137
00:05:00,711 --> 00:05:03,216
You have been sitting here
for two hours
138
00:05:03,316 --> 00:05:05,286
with one damn cup of coffee.
139
00:05:05,353 --> 00:05:06,823
You take your porn elsewhere.
140
00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,292
This isn't the library.
141
00:05:08,359 --> 00:05:09,662
Go on! Get!
142
00:05:09,762 --> 00:05:11,131
I'm very sorry.
143
00:05:11,232 --> 00:05:12,467
Uh, Mama,
144
00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:14,906
we try really hard not to yell
at our customers,
145
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,845
especially like the good
Reverend Johnson here.
146
00:05:17,945 --> 00:05:19,248
You have a blessed day.
147
00:05:19,949 --> 00:05:23,522
I am 79 years old, and I got
a damn plate in my head.
148
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,226
I can yell whenever I want.
149
00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:26,763
Well, I think
that's what we're trying...
150
00:05:26,863 --> 00:05:29,569
Whenever I want!
151
00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:33,409
Okay. I've never seen
Throw Momma from the Train,
152
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,146
but it does give me an idea.
153
00:05:35,213 --> 00:05:37,652
Look, we just need to get
through the next half hour.
154
00:05:37,752 --> 00:05:40,624
Then she'll go back to the farm
and we'll close the shop,
155
00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:42,562
burn it to the ground,
collect the insurance money,
156
00:05:42,628 --> 00:05:43,864
buy a van, get a big dog
157
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:45,801
and drive around town
solving mysteries.
158
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:47,939
Ruh-roh, Randi.
159
00:05:48,574 --> 00:05:49,776
Yeah,
because that's so much better
160
00:05:49,876 --> 00:05:51,512
than telling her
not to come back tomorrow.
161
00:05:51,613 --> 00:05:53,584
Well, what's your plan,
Black Velma?
162
00:05:53,650 --> 00:05:54,953
No, I like your plan.
163
00:05:55,019 --> 00:05:57,023
Girl, I have matches on me.
164
00:05:57,992 --> 00:05:59,094
Oh, yes.
165
00:05:59,161 --> 00:06:00,029
Oh, uh,
166
00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:02,267
Mama, you don't need
to take the trash out.
167
00:06:02,367 --> 00:06:03,502
This isn't trash.
168
00:06:03,604 --> 00:06:06,041
This is my luggage.
169
00:06:06,108 --> 00:06:07,410
L-Luggage?
170
00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:08,547
For what?
171
00:06:08,647 --> 00:06:10,985
I'm here for the duration,
sweetie.
172
00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:13,422
-These go up to your place,
right?
-(Randi laughs)
173
00:06:13,522 --> 00:06:14,726
Sure do, Mama!
174
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,896
Uh, uh, hang on.
You're-you're staying with me?
175
00:06:16,963 --> 00:06:20,604
I guess I-I just assumed you,
like, drove your house here.
176
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,509
I am your fellow hunker-downer.
177
00:06:23,542 --> 00:06:25,179
Now, I don't mind sharing a bed,
178
00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:28,553
but I do sleep naked and my
alarm goes off at first light.
179
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,691
-(rooster crows)
-Whoa!
-Oh.
180
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,697
Settle down, Rufus.
We're city folk now.
181
00:06:33,764 --> 00:06:35,968
♪ ♪
182
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:42,113
(keys jangling, turning in lock)
183
00:06:45,788 --> 00:06:46,589
Kat?
184
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,259
What are you doing down here?
185
00:06:48,326 --> 00:06:49,294
(Rufus crowing)
186
00:06:49,394 --> 00:06:50,998
What the heck?
187
00:06:51,633 --> 00:06:53,704
(chuckles): Oh.
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
188
00:06:53,737 --> 00:06:55,674
Well, we'll see who's laughing
when you're on my plate
189
00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:57,945
with mashed potatoes
and a biscuit!
190
00:06:58,914 --> 00:07:02,788
I couldn't sleep. Between Rufus
crowing at 4:00 a. m. and...
191
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:07,063
trying to ignore Mama's
spicy dream about Ronald Reagan.
192
00:07:07,865 --> 00:07:10,336
Well, if it isn't
the morning meeting
193
00:07:10,403 --> 00:07:12,440
of the Dim and Lazy Club.
194
00:07:12,507 --> 00:07:14,912
No wonder
my Phil needed a vacation--
195
00:07:15,013 --> 00:07:17,217
he was doing all the work
around here.
196
00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:18,452
Are you kidding?
197
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:19,756
Phil takes so many naps,
198
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,760
we thought
this place had a gas leak.
199
00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:23,462
Are you calling my Phil a liar?
200
00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:26,603
Because the last person
that did that is missing an ear.
201
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,472
That was from the war
and is totally unrelated,
202
00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:30,844
but we don't talk to him
no more.
203
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,884
Okay, can we take a moment
to appreciate
204
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:36,422
that Phil's mama
is actually twice as crazy
205
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,858
as Phil made her out to be?
206
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:38,760
I know.
207
00:07:38,827 --> 00:07:40,698
I guess he was protecting her.
208
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:43,704
Like a little pit bull
in a sequined jacket.
209
00:07:43,770 --> 00:07:45,741
MAMA:
Dagnabbit!
210
00:07:45,808 --> 00:07:49,214
Which one of you morons
bought salted butter?!
211
00:07:49,281 --> 00:07:50,450
That was Randi!
212
00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:52,120
Also, she hates Ronald Reagan!
213
00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:53,322
Wha...
214
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,659
Okay, this is ridiculous.
215
00:07:54,759 --> 00:07:55,994
One of us needs to go in there
216
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:57,565
and tell her
that we don't want her here.
217
00:07:57,631 --> 00:07:59,368
Yes. You're absolutely right.
218
00:07:59,468 --> 00:08:01,840
I'm gonna go upstairs,
I'm gonna get dressed
219
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,744
and then I'm gonna
come down here like a badass
220
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,948
and fire an elderly volunteer.
221
00:08:06,014 --> 00:08:07,885
You're about to go hide
in your bed, aren't you?
222
00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:10,824
Yes, because badasses need naps,
too!
223
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,293
(crowing)
224
00:08:12,394 --> 00:08:14,030
Shut up, Rufus!
225
00:08:14,899 --> 00:08:16,870
-(chickens clucking)
-(horse neighs)
226
00:08:16,936 --> 00:08:19,107
Holy cow!
227
00:08:19,742 --> 00:08:21,846
Sorry if that's offensive
to you, ladies.
228
00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:25,554
Carter, check this out.
229
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:27,725
Oh, damn.
230
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:29,896
Is that Phil? He's jacked!
231
00:08:29,996 --> 00:08:33,202
Looks like Freddie Mercury
and Super Mario had a baby.
232
00:08:33,269 --> 00:08:35,641
(chuckles) Hey,
I'm as straight as they come,
233
00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:37,410
but if this dude
bought me a drink,
234
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:38,680
-I don't know.
-(chuckles)
235
00:08:38,814 --> 00:08:41,518
I mean, he's four-foot-11
and all badass.
236
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:42,855
Well, I mean, think about it.
237
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,625
Growing up gay, around here,
238
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,328
-he'd have to be.
-Yeah.
239
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:49,434
This one time, this guy
was picking on him in the bar.
240
00:08:49,501 --> 00:08:50,871
Phil threw rosé in his face,
241
00:08:50,938 --> 00:08:52,140
punched him right
in the belly button
242
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,610
and called him
his Pillsbury Dough Bitch.
243
00:08:53,677 --> 00:08:55,480
(laughs)
I remember that!
244
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:57,618
Yeah! And then he stood
over him and he said,
245
00:08:57,718 --> 00:08:59,254
"You mess with the bull,
246
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,958
"you get me horny.
247
00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,529
-No, wait, that ain't it."
-(laughing)
248
00:09:03,597 --> 00:09:04,932
(mooing)
249
00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:07,470
Settle down, Babs.
Same old story--
250
00:09:07,537 --> 00:09:10,577
the ladies are buying
what Carter is selling.
251
00:09:10,644 --> 00:09:11,679
(mooing)
252
00:09:11,746 --> 00:09:13,415
What's going on, Babs?
253
00:09:14,017 --> 00:09:15,921
-Wow, you didn't eat very much.
-Who can blame her?
254
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,558
Why would anybody want
to eat that...
255
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:18,660
-Oh, God!
-What?
256
00:09:18,727 --> 00:09:20,129
-What?
-Th-Th-Th...
257
00:09:20,163 --> 00:09:22,868
There's something coming out
of this cow!
258
00:09:22,968 --> 00:09:23,937
Oh! Aah!
259
00:09:24,037 --> 00:09:25,273
-I think she's giving birth!
-(scoffs)
260
00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:28,012
Are you sure?! 'Cause if this
is some alien BS,
261
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:30,851
I'm getting ready
to get the hell up out of here!
262
00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:35,861
Oh, Lurlene, this is delicious.
263
00:09:35,961 --> 00:09:38,800
I don't even have to put
any booze in it.
264
00:09:38,867 --> 00:09:42,207
I mean, I'm going to,
of course, but...
265
00:09:42,908 --> 00:09:44,645
It tastes like cake batter.
266
00:09:44,712 --> 00:09:45,681
What's in it?
267
00:09:45,747 --> 00:09:47,116
Cake batter.
268
00:09:47,183 --> 00:09:50,056
I used to fix that for Phil
to help him grow.
269
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:54,064
Didn't make him any taller, but
it sure made him love me more.
270
00:09:54,130 --> 00:09:55,767
(chuckles)
Mother wanted me to grow, too,
271
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:56,870
but instead of cake batter,
272
00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:59,207
she used pointed criticism.
273
00:09:59,274 --> 00:10:01,646
Hey, hey, hey.
You don't ever sass your mama.
274
00:10:01,746 --> 00:10:03,783
Sheila,
you want a hittin' spoon?
275
00:10:03,884 --> 00:10:05,754
I like these metal ones.
Them wooden ones
276
00:10:05,821 --> 00:10:07,591
-can snap on you.
-SHEILA: Oh.
277
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,729
No, thank you, Lurlene. I...
278
00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:12,835
Well, let me feel
the weight on it.
279
00:10:12,902 --> 00:10:14,605
Um...
280
00:10:14,672 --> 00:10:15,841
Uh, Kat,
281
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:17,678
there's a situation
in the kitchen.
282
00:10:17,745 --> 00:10:18,847
-What's going on?
-Uh, well,
283
00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:21,451
it seems a squirrel
is taking a nap.
284
00:10:21,553 --> 00:10:22,555
In a pan.
285
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:23,957
In the oven.
286
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,663
And I'm not gonna lie--
it smells pretty good.
287
00:10:26,729 --> 00:10:28,767
Okay, that's it. Uh, Lurlene,
288
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:30,804
Randi and I have to talk to you
about something.
289
00:10:30,904 --> 00:10:32,273
Well, quit your lollygagging.
290
00:10:32,373 --> 00:10:35,012
I got to get back in the kitchen
and do me a butter stomp.
291
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:37,417
Reminds me of Phil.
I just love him the best
292
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:41,893
when that butter is squishing up
between them little piggies.
293
00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:44,197
Okay. Um...
294
00:10:44,264 --> 00:10:48,005
Mama, we appreciate
everything you have done...
295
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:51,713
I'm sorry, are you saying
you step on the butter?
296
00:10:51,779 --> 00:10:53,082
Oh, honey, I told you
297
00:10:53,148 --> 00:10:56,088
there's a little bit of me
in everything I make.
298
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:56,890
(chuckles weakly)
299
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,560
I thought you meant love,
300
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,296
not DNA.
301
00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:00,964
Uh, listen,
302
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:03,737
maybe tonight, after work,
303
00:11:03,803 --> 00:11:05,006
you should go home
304
00:11:05,072 --> 00:11:06,776
and, um...
305
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:07,745
stay there.
306
00:11:07,845 --> 00:11:09,582
(chuckles):
No.
307
00:11:09,682 --> 00:11:11,285
No?
308
00:11:11,351 --> 00:11:12,755
No.
309
00:11:13,557 --> 00:11:14,491
O-Okay.
310
00:11:14,592 --> 00:11:15,994
All right. Good talk.
311
00:11:16,094 --> 00:11:17,297
I'll see you tonight, roomie!
312
00:11:17,363 --> 00:11:18,800
This time I'm the big spoon!
313
00:11:18,867 --> 00:11:20,469
(laughs)
It's...
314
00:11:22,575 --> 00:11:23,710
-That was sad.
-(sighs)
315
00:11:23,843 --> 00:11:25,212
You want me to get rid of her?
316
00:11:25,313 --> 00:11:26,649
I thought you liked her.
317
00:11:26,716 --> 00:11:27,918
I do.
318
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:30,958
I just genuinely enjoy
firing people.
319
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,028
Why do you think
we went through so many nannies?
320
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:35,266
You said they quit
to get away from me.
321
00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:38,339
Oh. (laughs)
I did say that, didn't I?
322
00:11:39,507 --> 00:11:41,345
Watch and learn.
323
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,583
Okay, Randi, come on.
324
00:11:43,650 --> 00:11:44,885
Randi.
325
00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:47,558
Mm-mm. There is
a crazy old white woman in there
326
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:48,827
cooking an animal from the park.
327
00:11:48,893 --> 00:11:50,998
Y'all go ahead.
328
00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:56,943
Damn, Sheila, you are good.
329
00:11:57,043 --> 00:11:59,514
I just got off the phone
with Phil.
330
00:11:59,582 --> 00:12:02,453
He and Jalen
are staying in Tahiti.
331
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:03,455
What?
332
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:07,765
They're gonna open a bakery
and get boy-married.
333
00:12:07,898 --> 00:12:10,303
Wait, I-I-I can't believe this.
334
00:12:10,369 --> 00:12:12,307
Phil's not coming back?
335
00:12:12,373 --> 00:12:14,477
No.
336
00:12:17,551 --> 00:12:19,689
Also, you're fired.
337
00:12:19,789 --> 00:12:20,924
Mother!
338
00:12:20,958 --> 00:12:23,529
Sorry. I thought
it would cheer me up.
339
00:12:32,781 --> 00:12:35,219
So I guess Phil and Jalen,
340
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:38,225
they found a bakery for sale
down there in Tahiti and...
341
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,664
they got to talking
about how nice it would be
342
00:12:40,731 --> 00:12:42,100
to stay there forever.
343
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,508
Why can't they just go to Miami
like regular gays?
344
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:48,780
I just can't imagine
Phil getting married
345
00:12:48,913 --> 00:12:50,316
and us not being there.
346
00:12:50,383 --> 00:12:54,190
I mean, one of us might want
to sing "Islands in the Stream."
347
00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:57,698
I do both parts.
It's a real showstopper.
348
00:12:57,765 --> 00:13:00,837
I just can't believe
he's not coming back.
349
00:13:00,904 --> 00:13:03,108
Damn it,
he borrowed my suitcase.
350
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:05,379
Well, I guess
the most important thing is
351
00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:08,085
-that Phil's happy
and he's in love.
-Mm-hmm.
352
00:13:08,152 --> 00:13:11,124
All any mother wants
is for her child to be happy.
353
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:15,567
I mean, for Phil, it was moving
to Tahiti with Jalen.
354
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,370
For Katharine, it's...
355
00:13:17,437 --> 00:13:21,278
what, finding a surprise
Fig Newton in your pocket?
356
00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:25,152
It wasn't a surprise.
I'd been saving it.
357
00:13:25,754 --> 00:13:27,156
Phil saw the whole thing.
358
00:13:27,256 --> 00:13:29,729
"It's a treat
you can fit in your pocket,
359
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:32,200
just like me."
360
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:34,905
I'm really gonna miss him.
361
00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:37,510
Me, too.
362
00:13:38,312 --> 00:13:42,120
I want y'all to know
how happy this place made him.
363
00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:45,259
You all accepted him
with no judgment.
364
00:13:45,393 --> 00:13:47,430
Shoot, he talks
about y'all so much,
365
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,702
I feel like you're family.
366
00:13:49,769 --> 00:13:52,206
We feel like you're family, too.
367
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:54,879
It's like Phil always says--
368
00:13:54,979 --> 00:13:57,350
family ain't who you're born to.
369
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,622
ALL:
It's who'll lie to the cops
for you.
370
00:13:59,688 --> 00:14:01,058
(Randi chuckles)
371
00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:03,395
♪ ♪
372
00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:06,034
Well, do you know
of any other vet in the area
373
00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,503
who can get here today?
374
00:14:08,172 --> 00:14:09,642
Okay, well,
do you know if Instacart
375
00:14:09,742 --> 00:14:11,378
can deliver a cow baby?!
376
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:14,250
-All right. Thanks.
-(loud mooing)
377
00:14:14,317 --> 00:14:16,823
Oh, man,
she does not sound happy.
378
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,693
Though I guess if I was
pooping out a small cow,
379
00:14:18,793 --> 00:14:20,296
I'd be pretty cranky, too.
380
00:14:20,362 --> 00:14:23,803
All right. The doctor said if
it's not coming out on its own,
381
00:14:23,870 --> 00:14:25,039
one of us got to go up in there.
382
00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:26,843
What do you mean,
go up in there?
383
00:14:26,943 --> 00:14:27,845
You know.
384
00:14:27,945 --> 00:14:29,147
Go up in there.
385
00:14:29,214 --> 00:14:30,650
Oh, yeah.
386
00:14:30,751 --> 00:14:32,086
He said you should do it.
387
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:33,355
Why me?!
388
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,094
'Cause he said on the phone
my arms sounded short.
389
00:14:36,194 --> 00:14:37,698
-(mooing)
-You know what, screw it.
390
00:14:37,798 --> 00:14:41,906
All right. You grab on to the
legs and pull and I'm gonna...
391
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,408
go up in there.
392
00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:45,146
-Okay.
-All right.
393
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:46,783
Okay.
394
00:14:46,883 --> 00:14:49,320
-(groans) Oh.
-Oh. Oh, God.
395
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,957
What do you feel?
396
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,295
Mm, mostly regret.
397
00:14:54,063 --> 00:14:56,134
Oh, wait, no,
I think I felt it move.
398
00:14:56,201 --> 00:14:57,971
Whatever you're doing,
just do it again.
399
00:14:58,038 --> 00:14:59,642
(grunts)
That's what she said.
400
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,311
(laughs)
Good one, dude. (chuckles)
401
00:15:01,344 --> 00:15:02,346
Keep pulling.
402
00:15:02,413 --> 00:15:04,184
-We almost got it.
-(grunting) Really?
403
00:15:04,284 --> 00:15:06,121
"We"? 'Cause,
last time I checked,
404
00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:08,525
I'm the only one wearing a cow
like a wristwatch.
405
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,396
(grunting)
406
00:15:10,496 --> 00:15:12,133
-Keep going! We're...
-(strained): Oh, my God.
407
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,037
-Aah! Oh! Oh!
-(laughing): Oh! Oh!
408
00:15:14,103 --> 00:15:16,441
-Oh! (laughing) Oh!
-(laughing) Oh!
409
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,811
Oh! (laughs)
We did it!
410
00:15:17,911 --> 00:15:19,080
(chuckles)
We're parents!
411
00:15:19,214 --> 00:15:20,717
-(laughs)
-Look at him!
412
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,921
-Oh, he's beautiful!
-(chuckling)
413
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,390
-Oh. Oh, come here...
-(grunts)
414
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,696
-Oh! Oh! He can walk!
-Oh! Oh!
415
00:15:26,762 --> 00:15:30,202
-(laughs) Hey, quick, we didn't
get video of his first steps.
-(chuckles)
416
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:31,839
Get your camera.
I'll knock him down.
417
00:15:31,906 --> 00:15:33,075
(laughs)
418
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,712
What should we name him?
419
00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:37,016
Maybe we should combine
our names.
420
00:15:37,116 --> 00:15:39,087
-Car-Max.
-(chuckles)
421
00:15:39,154 --> 00:15:40,389
No, no, look at him.
422
00:15:40,489 --> 00:15:43,128
He's small, fuzzy,
and getting kind of fresh.
423
00:15:43,228 --> 00:15:44,865
-He's Lil' Phil.
-(chuckles)
424
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,134
Or Big Phil.
425
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,272
Oh. No, that's just
his umbilical cord.
426
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:49,541
(chuckles)
427
00:15:55,987 --> 00:15:57,156
I'm glad we went to the wedding,
428
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,460
but 17 hours on a plane
was brutal.
429
00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:01,464
At least you weren't sitting
next to a crying baby
430
00:16:01,531 --> 00:16:02,768
the whole time.
431
00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:04,037
I couldn't help it.
432
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,807
It was such a beautiful wedding.
433
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:08,278
I just love love.
434
00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,216
All right, everyone.
435
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:12,386
Wedding slideshow is done.
436
00:16:12,453 --> 00:16:13,623
Gather round.
437
00:16:17,296 --> 00:16:19,768
KAT (on recording):
Phil, Jalen,
438
00:16:19,902 --> 00:16:20,937
looking at you,
439
00:16:21,037 --> 00:16:22,173
I see two hearts,
440
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,612
two souls, two...
441
00:16:24,678 --> 00:16:26,782
islands in the stream.
442
00:16:26,849 --> 00:16:29,655
-And audio muted.
-(Randi chuckles)
443
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,491
Look at my Phil.
444
00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:34,030
Yeah, he and Jalen
just look so happy.
445
00:16:34,097 --> 00:16:35,667
Aw, it's their first dance.
446
00:16:35,734 --> 00:16:37,003
Yeah, I was really surprised
447
00:16:37,069 --> 00:16:38,640
when they did that lift
from Dirty Dancing.
448
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,444
-I had the time of my life.
-(chuckles)
449
00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:45,486
Aw, Tahiti's so beautiful.
450
00:16:45,519 --> 00:16:47,925
I can understand why
they don't want to come home.
451
00:16:47,991 --> 00:16:49,427
Yeah, me, too.
452
00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:51,231
-Damn,
I'm really gonna miss him.
-(Sheila sighs)
453
00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:53,268
Like every time I sit in a chair
454
00:16:53,368 --> 00:16:55,339
and his hand
isn't "accidentally" there.
455
00:16:55,439 --> 00:16:57,076
(chuckles)
456
00:16:58,345 --> 00:17:00,550
This place won't be the same
without him.
457
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:04,625
Kentucky won't be the same
without him.
458
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:09,167
Nothing's gonna be the same
without him.
459
00:17:39,595 --> 00:17:41,832
What we've done here
460
00:17:41,932 --> 00:17:44,705
is we've given Phil
a happy ending.
461
00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:48,412
What we're really doing
462
00:17:48,478 --> 00:17:50,750
is mourning the loss
of our dear friend,
463
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:52,554
Leslie Jordan.
464
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:56,094
He is irreplaceable.
465
00:17:56,161 --> 00:17:58,465
We will miss him very much.
466
00:17:59,735 --> 00:18:00,971
Love.
467
00:18:01,037 --> 00:18:02,975
Light.
468
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,212
ALL:
Leslie.
469
00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,199
♪ Dear friend, there'll be ♪
470
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:18,205
♪ No sad farewell ♪
471
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:23,181
♪ There'll be
no tear-dimmed eyes ♪
472
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:25,754
♪ Where all is peace ♪
473
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:28,593
♪ And joy and love ♪
474
00:18:28,693 --> 00:18:33,903
♪ And the soul of man
never dies. ♪
475
00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:35,272
Now, that's some lines
476
00:18:35,339 --> 00:18:37,811
from the song
that you and I did together.
477
00:18:37,911 --> 00:18:39,548
I know usually, at a memorial,
478
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:41,786
people talk about somebody.
479
00:18:41,852 --> 00:18:43,522
Well, I'm gonna talk to you.
480
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,860
'Cause there is that place
on the other side,
481
00:18:45,927 --> 00:18:49,167
and I'm certainly gonna see you
there, little brother.
482
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,371
You left a lot of people here
483
00:18:51,438 --> 00:18:53,676
with a lot of precious,
precious memories.
484
00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:54,945
Everybody loved you.
485
00:18:55,045 --> 00:18:58,251
But I doubt that many of 'em
loved you more than I did.
486
00:18:58,352 --> 00:19:00,356
Anyhow, I just want you to know
487
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:02,193
that we all love you,
488
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:03,596
we all miss you
489
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,567
and I bet
you're having a big laugh
490
00:19:05,633 --> 00:19:08,238
over all of us being sad
and sorrowful
491
00:19:08,338 --> 00:19:10,944
and I know
that would be the last thing
492
00:19:11,010 --> 00:19:11,979
you would want us to be.
493
00:19:12,113 --> 00:19:15,452
So, anyway, you made us happy
while you were here,
494
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:17,657
and we're happy
that you're at peace.
495
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,561
And I just want you to know
that...
496
00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:24,003
♪ I will always love you. ♪
497
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,907
Goodbye, my sweet Leslie.
498
00:19:25,974 --> 00:19:28,579
-See you over there.
-("Where the Soul Never Dies"
playing)
499
00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:30,717
(Dolly vocalizing)
500
00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:33,656
LESLIE JORDAN:
♪ To Canaan's land ♪
501
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,261
♪ I'm on my way ♪
502
00:19:36,361 --> 00:19:38,699
♪ Where the soul of man ♪
503
00:19:38,766 --> 00:19:41,137
♪ Never dies ♪
504
00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:43,810
♪ My darkest night ♪
505
00:19:43,876 --> 00:19:46,381
♪ Will turn to day ♪
506
00:19:46,448 --> 00:19:49,153
♪ Where the soul ♪
507
00:19:49,253 --> 00:19:50,890
♪ It never dies ♪
508
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:56,267
DOLLY and LESLIE:
♪ No sad farewells ♪
509
00:19:56,334 --> 00:20:01,478
♪ No tear-dimmed eyes ♪
510
00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:06,589
♪ Where all is love ♪
511
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:10,864
♪ And the soul never dies ♪
512
00:20:10,964 --> 00:20:12,634
LESLIE:
It never does.
513
00:20:12,701 --> 00:20:16,074
♪ Dear friends,
there'll be no sad farewell ♪
514
00:20:16,141 --> 00:20:19,982
-♪ There'll be
no tear-dimmed eyes ♪
-♪ There will be ♪
515
00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:21,552
♪ No tear-dimmed eyes ♪
516
00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:24,457
♪ Where all is peace ♪
517
00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:26,829
♪ And joy and love ♪
518
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:32,206
♪ And the soul of man
never dies ♪
519
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,645
♪ ♪
520
00:20:35,412 --> 00:20:37,116
LESLIE:
Y'all sing with us.
521
00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:39,655
-♪ No sad ♪
-♪ There will be ♪
522
00:20:39,721 --> 00:20:41,826
-♪ Farewells ♪
-♪ No sad farewell ♪
523
00:20:41,926 --> 00:20:46,769
-♪ No tear-dimmed eyes ♪
-♪ There will be
no tear-dimmed eyes ♪
524
00:20:46,836 --> 00:20:49,474
-♪ Where all ♪
-♪ All is peace ♪
525
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,745
-♪ Is love! ♪
-♪ And joy and love ♪
526
00:20:51,846 --> 00:20:56,387
♪ And the soul of man
never dies ♪
527
00:20:56,488 --> 00:21:00,229
♪ And the soul of man ♪
528
00:21:00,329 --> 00:21:01,932
♪ Never dies ♪
529
00:21:01,999 --> 00:21:07,443
♪ Never dies. ♪
530
00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:13,288
♪ ♪
531
00:21:42,714 --> 00:21:44,250
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
532
00:21:44,317 --> 00:21:47,089
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37610
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