Original subtitles

Good morning, Pentagram City.

Today's top story...

infamous loser, Alastor, has been captured

by the strong, chiseled arms of sex-icon Vox.

It leaves us all wondering, what is our TV daddy planning?

And you can trust us with your gossip.

♪ Holy shit, is this true? ♪

-♪ Alastor's been defeated ♪ -♪ By Lucifer? ♪

-♪ No ♪ -♪ Then who? ♪

♪ That self-absorbed TV head ♪

♪ Word is, he gut him fair and square ♪

♪ I heard Vox fucked him with a chair ♪

♪ Either way, it's seemin' the Radio Demon's off the air ♪

♪ I can't remember ever seeing power shift this fast ♪

♪ With all his smarmy talk, I thought Vox was just gassed up ♪

♪ Now he's surpassed all expectations ♪

♪ Hell as we knew it is through, he's shaken the foundations ♪

♪ Now that Vox's muscles are flexed ♪

♪ who knows what moves those Vees will make next? ♪

♪ So I've had a stroke of luck, it's true ♪

♪ But I'm not one to rest on my laurels ♪

♪ What a better time to reinforce our crew? ♪

♪ Grab an olive branch, go knock on some door-els ♪

♪ Why should we keep crossing swords? ♪

♪ After all, we're all overlords ♪

-♪ You know you wanna be bad with us ♪ -♪ Bad with us ♪

-♪ Come and make angels mad with us ♪ -♪ So mad with us ♪

♪ And Zeezi? ♪

♪ I hear that Heaven has some pretty sick venues ♪

♪ Open a club up, make a hubbub, drop a beat to "amen" to ♪

♪ Hey, Prick and Hatchet, best believe your gang fights are gonna be batshit ♪

♪ With exorcist blades, you can fill Heaven with rage ♪

♪ Oh, Maestro, I know ♪

♪ a tranquil realm where you can rest ♪

♪ Hey, Zestial, there's old boring shit up there ♪

♪ Books, tea, eldercare ♪

♪ Mi querida, Carmilla...

-Are you serious? -Mm, yeah, okay.

♪ It's the dawn of a new regime ♪

♪ Come on, join the winning team ♪

♪ It's so much fun to be ♪

♪ bad with us ♪

-♪ So bad with us ♪ -♪ So fucking bad ♪

-♪ with us ♪ -♪ Cha cha cha ♪

-No. -Stop it.

I mean, this is adorable.

Sweetie, what are you doing?

I'm trying to get Emily's attention.

She really didn't give you a way to contact her, huh?

Not really, she just kind of popped up once

and I don't have a way to reach her.

Heaven is closed down or something,

so now I just need to get...

her...

attention!

Colors.

Do you think she sees it?

She doesn't see it, does she?

If it makes you feel better, they look pretty.

Thanks, Vanny.

Mmm, no, that one doesn't sound right in practice.

-Ugh. I'll keep at it. -Okay.

Thanks, Vaggie.

Ugh! This would just be so much easier with Alastor.

He was supposed to host the hotel,

not get himself fucking kidnapped and...

Oh, God, what do you think they're doing to him, Vaggie?

I'm sure he's okay.

You know Al, he's always up to something.

But I have things handled.

Is there anything I can help you with?

I don't think so, Vaggie.

Look, the only thing that can stop Vox

is the proof that Pentious is alive,

and that I'm telling everyone the truth.

So, I just need to keep...

trying!

Stop Vox...?

Hmm.

Oh, I think I know what to do.

Oh, Angel. How was the group therapy session?

Ugh, I-I missed it.

I've had a headache all day.

But Husk seems to be enjoying the therapist shit.

Says his "pretending to listen" skills are put to good use.

It was very informative.

I have never heard someone come up with so many ways to say "stupid."

Adding a few to my personal dictionary.

I just don't understand why she left me.

Well, maybe it's because you're a moronic, unthinking damn fool.

-"Damn fool"! -Who is too nonsensically doltish...

"Doltish."

to realize that you're a mindless chuckle-fuck...

-"Chuckle-fuck." - with your constant

gormless buffoonery.

Maybe you should try not being a feeble-minded...

-Ah. - smooth-brain for once!

"Smooth-brain."

Yeah. Maybe.

Am I doing therapy right?

I like therapy.

-Where're you headed? -Lucifer.

I need to ask him something.

Oh-ho-ho. Must be important.

Give me the tea later.

Hi there. Coming, coming.

Just a minute, I-I'll be there, I'll be right there.

I wasn't doing anything weird, I swear it!

Oh, hey, Charlie's girlfriend.

What, uh, what brings you here?

Come in, come in, just let me just...

Wow, you really wasted no time, huh, sir?

Aw, call me Daddy.

Wait, no, don't. Call me Lu.

What, now... What is it you need?

Uh, you're the king of Hell, right?

♪ Last time...

I checked, why?

Well, I don't know how much you know about Vox...

Oh, the TV head guy? Yeah, he's all over the place.

Guy really likes to hear himself talk, huh?

Have you been, uh,

-listening to him at all? -Nope.

Well, he's been hardcore shitting on Charlie and the hotel for weeks.

It's kind of driving her crazy, and I...

Wait a second. He's been what?!

Yeah. So, you know, you think you could go over and, like...

I don't know, smite him or something?

Sorry. Oh, Vanastastia, I'll let you in on a little secret.

I cannot smite him, no.

It's kinda part of the whole Hell thing.

You see, it isn't just a place,

it's, uh, it's a punishment, and mine is that I'm stuck here

with all these sinners, can't kill 'em, can't do nothing with 'em.

So I just have to ignore them.

They are all mega gross,

and not a single one of them has good taste in musical theater.

But Vox doesn't know that.

What if you go intimidate him? Bluff a little?

To most of Hell, you're a pretty big deal.

Eh, I don't know.

Well, I'd ask Alastor,

but, you know, he's unavailable, so...

Oh, no, no, hold a, hold a, hold on, okay?

I can handle any problem a-five hundred times better

than that dumb, red loudspeaker, okay?

If my little girl is getting harassed by this "Vox" fella, then...

it is my time to daddy up!

Mm, no. Don't say it like that.

But great.

Aww, Charlie.

Sera, we need to talk to her.

Hell needs to sort itself out first.

-But... -What good would talking to her do?

I don't think it's a good idea.

You're afraid, aren't you?

Because you know we owe Hell a massive apology.

I brought cookies!

-What is he doing here? -I invited him.

I figured if anyone can help us make these decisions,

it'd be best to have an actual Hell expert.

Well, I'm not quite a Hell expert, but, uh,

yes, I'm happy to help.

He can't be here, Emily.

This is important, only the highest angels can...

Well, I'm as high as you, and I say he stays.

All right.

So, Pentious, what do you think we should do?

My vote is that we should apologize. Maybe with some gift baskets?

-I mean, who doesn't love gift baskets? -Right?!

Um, yes, well, I'm sure Charlie would...

like a gift basket? With chocolat?

Oh! Oh! You should throw in a cheese assortment.

Oh. And a cute little plush bear that says "sorry for the violence."

That would be so cute.

-Plus lots of taffies! -On it.

I really don't think this... is a good idea.

How can the demons accept anything we say after what we've done?

Well, Your Highness, a wise woman once told me that it starts with "sorry."

So, I think it's worth a try.

Okay. Bye.

Have fun.

Charlie!

Emily! Ahh!

It is so good to see you!

Uh, a third time.

Um, are you actually here, or am I really dehydrated?

-Definitely dehydrated. -No, silly, we're really here.

And we bring gifts!

Oh! Are these taffies?

That was my contribution.

Uh, um, is Pen okay? Can I see him?

The snake is fine. He misses you all.

I'm sorry we can't bring him.

Right.

Well, thanks, guys.

I appreciate this basket thing.

Uh, it's-it's very nice.

Wait! You're here!

Yes! We are!

I need you tell Hell that Pentious is in Heaven and that Vox is full of shit!

Oh. Sure.

-We can do that. -Hold on.

Sorry, it's just Vox has completely convinced most of Hell

that you all are still out to get us

and that redemption isn't real,

-and that I'm just some crazy person... -What's a "Vox"?

Yeah, he's like a guy with a TV for a head?

It's like about this big...

You know, it's not important. Please, I need you to come with me.

I heard Vox has a rally today, a big one.

If we go there, you can apologize in front of his entire crowd,

show them all that he's a liar, and...

And that we're sorry.

Yes! So sorry!

Yes! Oh, my gosh, yes.

We're gonna need more gift baskets.

I took off work for this, man, just to see what Vox is gonna say.

According to a recent poll, Vox is the hottest person in Hell.

-How am I looking? -Not bad.

You clean up nice for a TV.

I know. So, uh, you have the dancers ready?

Mm-hmm.

-And they're...? -Tens, plus one eight for "diversity."

Good man.

Are you sure you want to present yourself like this to all of Hell?

-Pardon? -Flocked by your partners.

With their far more impressive contribution

to your flashy little clown show.

What really are you contributing besides... noise?

I'm the face?

The face of the revolution.

Where the fuck have you been?

Yes, but still, if that's all...

You think they could have pulled this off without me?

It's me who made this happen. I have the vision.

-I have vision. -Sure you do.

Mm-hmm...

I should go get the dancers camera-ready.

See you out there?

Absolutely.

A-A-Actually, Val, how about you and Velvette manage backstage?

Can't have any mistakes in the presentation.

I can handle the crowd.

You don't want us coming out?

Just not right away. Don't worry, you'll have your time.

Thanks, babe.

Sure... "babe."

See? I'm in charge here.

I suppose it's something.

Excuses and lies seem to still be your specialty.

I try.

Hello, Pentagram City!

-Yeah! -Oh, yeah!

Yeah! How are we doing tonight?

Better now that you're here.

Well, all right! Fantastic!

Well, I just have to thank you all for coming out to support.

It's such an honor, a-and can I...

oh, just take a moment to say Lilith would be so proud

of how strong Hell has become.

"Resist," am I right?

Come on, let me hear it!

Resist!

Revolt!

I love it!

I'm happy to serve you.

Trust us to take on the angel menace!

♪ You're acting out like you want Teacher's attention ♪

♪ Well, I'm the principal of this eternal detention ♪

♪ I hope you had your fun, but, son, it's time to ring the bell ♪

♪ Ding-ding ♪

♪ Sinnerman, you're getting way too big for your screen ♪

♪ Now I'm here to drop your punishment, it's gonna be mean ♪

♪ Just in case y'all had forgotten ♪

♪ who's the motherfucking king of Hell ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the serpent ♪

♪ I'm the flame ♪

♪ The mortal world is scared to say my name ♪

♪ I am so spooky, I'm the shit ♪

♪ I am a living aspect of the infinite ♪

♪ So, scheme all you want, Mr. TV-Head-Man ♪

♪ I'm nearly a god, who are you? ♪

♪ Just a dead man ♪

Wow. Super scary.

I see why they give you such a big hat.

Quick thing, though...

♪ It's curious you stopped by to fight me nail and tooth ♪

♪ When all I mean to try is to dispense a dose of truth ♪

♪ We sinners do not need a king, we need someone who understands ♪

Yes.

♪ A different kind of despot bringing respite from divine demands ♪

♪ New order, like what Lilith had envisioned ♪

♪ when she threatened them ♪

♪ She knew Hell could be great, and we can make Hell great again ♪

♪ Just imagine if we could flip the script ♪

♪ Take the fight back way upstairs and make 'em beg and say their prayers ♪

♪ and what would happen if we could run the ship? ♪

-♪ Hoist the mainsail, paint the decks ♪ -Aye, aye!

♪ Have a crew mate to protect, 'cause they want us all divided ♪

♪ That is how they keep us down ♪

-♪ We got the guts, we got the chutzpah ♪ -Guts! Chutzpah!

-♪ We got the means to seize the crown ♪ -Yeah!

♪ If you're not fuckin' stupid, then you've only got one choice ♪

♪ Me! Vox Populi, the people's voice ♪

♪ Try to picture if we could ♪

-♪ escape this hole ♪ -Let's go!

♪ Never have to live and fear of days that angels may appear ♪

♪ 'Cause here's the kicker, sinners can save their souls ♪

♪ Not by changing for redemption ♪

♪ but by taking over Heaven ♪

♪ They say Hell's too populated, that's why they exterminate ♪

♪ We got the numbers, we got the thunder ♪

-♪ Let's annex their real estate ♪ -Yeah!

♪ If you want to see a new world ♪

♪ raise your fists and make some noise ♪

♪ Hail Vox Populi, the people's voice ♪

♪ Manifest destiny, long as you invest in me, the rest'll all fit into place...

Meanwhile, this "king" thinks all of us peasants

should be satisfied with an endless existence of suffering!

-Wh-Whoa. Wait. Hold on. -Tell me, Hell, are you satisfied?

-No! -Your wife knew it was wrong, Lu.

Maybe that's why she's not around anymore.

-You mouthy little mortal! -Here it comes!

Smite me! Silence me!

That's all you angels know how to do!

You won't do it.

You're weak!

They didn't banish you, they clipped your wings

and chained you down here.

Well, I got no chains on me.

Who's with me?

♪ Let's unite and fight for a ♪

-♪ brand new realm ♪ -♪ Brand new realm ♪

♪ We'll direct our destinies as one nation under Vees ♪

I love it!

♪ 'Cause happy days are nigh with Vox at the helm ♪

♪ That's me ♪

-♪ Future's never tasted sweeter ♪ -Oh, yeah!

♪ Thanks to our charming leader, every sinner can be a winner ♪

♪ Let's take our fates to the pearly gates ♪

♪ We can have the keys if we trust the Vees ♪

♪ Give applause, Hell has cause to rejoice ♪

♪ Hail Vox Populi, the people's voice ♪

Uh...

hello.

Oh, my God! They're here to silence me!

No, no, no, no, no. We're here to apologize.

-We are sorry. -Oh! Oh, really? You're sorry?

For what exactly?

For... everything.

For allowing the extermination of your people.

Oh, just that? And what do you have here?

Are those gift baskets?

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, wait, wait.

You... You are apologizing for genocide

with gift baskets?

Uh, they have assorted taffies in them.

Like, really good taffies.

Oh, you hear that, folks?

These angels think our lives are worth "really good taffies."

That's what a sinner's soul is worth to Heaven, huh?

I don't like that at all!

No, that doesn't sit right with me! No!

-No, I... That's not... -Emily?

Tell us all the real reason you're here.

You are here to flaunt your power in front of us

because you can't stand

that Hell managed to land a pretty damn big hit on you, didn't we?

How dare you, fucking demonic filth?

No, that's not it at all.

We wanted to apologize. What we did was wrong.

Again with the apology.

After everything Heaven did to us?

Why would any of us forgive you?

No, why would we even forgive you?

Yeah, get the fuck out of here!

Why would we forgive you?

-That's not what we do in Hell. -Yeah, what he said.

Wowie wow. A lot of negativity here.

Hollow, vapid words, mocking us with trinkets,

thinking that could ever make up for our fallen sinner brethren.

Taunting us with how little we matter to them.

They think we don't matter?

I'm madder than I thought I could be!

We matter! We matter! We matter!

That's not...

Do you know how many sinners died in each extermination?

Thousands.

What?

No, not the pictures. Stop.

That's not what this is.

First Lucifer threatens us.

Now this?

Wait, what? Dad?

You do not see me. I am magical...

Dad?!

I'm not here. You're dreaming.

This is a dream. Bye.

Well, we think you are full of shit!

Hell will rise!

Yeah!

Hell will rise! Hell will rise!

Hell will rise! Hell will rise!

-Stop. -Hell... Rise...

-Oh, I messed it up, guys. -Please, just back up.

And now I can't get back into it.

Okay, everybody, stop. Please.

I... I don't...

We don't... I...

Oh, gosh.

Geez, this isn't going how we wanted at all.

Enough!

Sinners like you are the reason I allowed

for the extermination in the first place.

Power-hungry and violent.

This angel admits it.

She called the extermination

to silence the sinners speaking out, empowering each other.

You did it to keep us down.

♪ Well, we are not gonna ♪

♪ be kept down anymore ♪

♪ Consider this a declaration of holy war ♪

♪ I've woken up the people ♪

♪ to the lies you angels tell ♪

♪ When we pay you a visit we won't be bringing baskets ♪

♪ We'll be bringing decimation that'll put you in caskets ♪

♪ I'll show you what it means to be ♪

♪ the motherfucking king of Hell ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the furor, I'm immense ♪

♪ I am the avatar of your consequence ♪

♪ I'm your omega, I'm the flood ♪

♪ I am the nightmare you made when you spilled our blood ♪

♪ So cower and hide, find a rope you can swing from ♪

♪ Go say your goodbyes, to your lives ♪

♪ to your kingdom ♪

No, no, no! No, wait!

No! Please. Come back.

Hey, d-don't fly too far.

Yes, I love playing with you...

Oh! Hello! By the look on your face,

I'd say the gift baskets were a major success.

Um... something, uh...

-not chill happened down there. -What?

Hell declared war.

-I... I'm sorry. -Uh...

Oh...

Oh, no.

No, no, no, please, don't leave.

I promise things aren't as bad as they're making them out to be.

Please.

Fuck.

Where the fuck is my dad?!

-What? -Dad! I know you're here.

Uh, no, I'm not.

Dad, what the fuck were you thinking?

You threatened Vox?

Sweetie, I promise I was just trying to help, okay?

You see, Vavnu over there told me you were having trouble with this guy and...

I'm sorry, what?!

Wait, hold on. What happened?

He ruined everything is what happened.

The angels were here to set things right,

but thanks to him... and, apparently, you...

Vox was able to spin it, again!

Charlie, that's what Vox does.

I thought if your dad could at least get him to back down, you'd stop caring.

Well, why didn't you ask me?

Because you aren't listening to me.

You're hyper-fixating on what he's saying about you.

Because he's hurting the hotel, he is ruining...

Charlie!

You are hurting the hotel!

I know it sucks what Vox is doing, but you're playing his game.

What? How can you even say that?

Are you not on my side?

I am, but being on your side means telling you the truth.

-I am worried about you. -Well, don't be.

If you don't care about what I'm trying to do,

then I can just do it myself.

Fine. If you want to bury your head in the bullshit, be my guest.

Ugh.

I think you should leave, Dad.

You have fucked things up for me enough.

Okay.

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