Original subtitles

THE FOLLOWING FILM CONTAINS DEPICTIONS

OF DRUG ABUSE, MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLES AND SUICIDE,

WHICH SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND TROUBLING.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING,

INFORMATION AND RESOURCES ARE AVAILABLE AT WWW.WANNATALKABOUTIT.COM

Oh, yeah.

Aykut, how are you?

You talk like my therapist.

How am I? I'm good, bro.

I've had therapy.

Look, to be honest, I would be dead if I hadn't done it.

I was already dead.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

Do you know why I'm here?

So that if anything ever happens to me, my story is told the way it was.

From my perspective.

Back to the wall

Make some noise for the living legend, Haftbefehl!

To me, he's the best ever, by far.

There's no better rapper. By far.

I got my back to the wall

Dick in my hand

Others at Ballermann Their whole body tensed up

Rap-wise, he's untouchable. The king.

He walked backstage, and I said, "That's him. That's our Biggie."

The way he screams into the mic.

The pitch may or may not be right. He just doesn't care.

Haftbefehl is the biggest artist to ever come out of the German rap scene.

With that backstory, it's no wonder he became an artist.

06-069, cho

If you trace Haftbefehl's journey,

what happened isn't really surprising.

The big problem is, there's Aykut Anhan, and then there's Haftbefehl.

Daddy, where are you?

I'm at work, honey.

I love Aykut,

but not Haftbefehl.

Do I worry about my brother?

I wouldn't be his brother if I didn't worry about him.

I tried everything.

Yeah! Make some noise for the living rap legend, Haftbefehl!

Legend? You call someone a legend when they're dead, right?

I'm still alive.

I'm still alive.

BABO: THE HAFTBEFEHL STORY

The first thing I remember as a kid…

Aykut!

The beach.

I'm running along the beach.

I'm running…

This is our legendary summer vacation

in Kuşadasi.

We're three brothers.

This is Aykut.

Aykut!

AYKUT ANHAN A.K.A. HAFTBEFEHL

Aykut was funny.

He was funny. He's always been an entertainer.

He made us all laugh. Always.

Come on, let's go!

Aykut.

Don't be naughty. Eat your food.

That's Aytac.

And that's me.

We definitely didn't have a rosy childhood.

I can't say that about us.

We grew up in Mainpark, in Offenbach. Hermann-Steinhäuser-Straße 4.

Offenbach was different back then, bro.

Frankfurt-Offenbach was a whole other thing back then.

I wouldn't say that other cities are any different to Offenbach-Frankfurt.

But in our hood, there was a different flavor.

It's just a few kilometers from Offenbach to Frankfurt's banking district,

but they are worlds apart.

Record unemployment, poverty, and not enough social housing.

More than half of all offenses are committed by minors.

Our youth was broken, like…

Where we came from, like…

We were like a clique. Everyone smoked weed.

School sucked.

Marktplatz was right outside my front door.

Every other person I knew took drugs.

I genuinely spent my childhood in Frankfurt-Offenbach on the streets.

I was an actual street kid.

I was in Offenbach every night, at the Marktplatz every day.

I'd say, "I'm going to school." But I didn't go to school.

I'd go straight to Marktplatz to sell drugs. Know what I mean?

There were drugs on every street corner. Everyone dealt drugs.

If you look back now,

it's actually just three kids who take a path

and don't know any other path because no one shows them the way.

Everyone just wants a piece, you know? Even as kids.

A baggie for ten marks, two baggies for twenty marks. Small time.

I always made a bit of pocket money.

One time, I stole a little money from my dad

and invested it all in CDs.

He came home one day and said,

"Aykut, what CDs do you want? I'll get you whatever you want."

"Bring me all the hip-hop CDs that there are."

"Please, I just want to listen to hip-hop."

Oh dude

No one could talk to me.

I was all about music. All I had in my head was music.

Oh dude

This is Aykut Anhan Hermann-Steinhäuser-Straße, Mainpark

Oh dude

Offenbach stays rough

Hermann-Steinhäuser-Straße Mainpark, chab

Forever Nordend, Goetheplatz, Büsing-Park Brother, this place burns

Hey, brother!

Here! Make the beat louder.

Okay.

This is Haftbefehl.

I'm making you a fanatic Or the WMD

I set up a Kickstarter and drink it…

Those were the early days.

We had like a sound system, and it was really crappy.

He always had the mic right up against his mouth.

I thought he was going to chew it to bits.

He was really ambitious.

The more platforms we offered him, the more intense it got.

I skip sports meetings I keep going my way

Get totally awake It's all right, hard like film

No one believed in me.

Everyone laughed at me.

Everyone on the street knew I can rap.

But it was still so far in the future. Do you know what I mean?

SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Hey, people. My name is Haftbefehl. Real music.

Yo, people, what's up? Haftbefehl.

What's up, people? Haftbefehl.

What's up, people? Haftbefehl.

German rap is a bitch And Haft is the pimp

What I do is too gangsta…

A Kurd is coming, a two-meter tall guy. He calls himself Haftbefehl.

He's going to blow everything up.

SL-Benzes and that With chrome rims…

I was a fan from day one.

I knew right from the start that, "Okay, he's sick."

He's not afraid to say anything.

Not in standard German, in street slang, in antisocial language,

in street, in real talk.

All of it in your face.

The way he raps, no one else can do that.

It has nothing to do with rap or street rap.

It's just its own category.

And the rest die Get the city on crack

I make cash, azzlack Flip that candy, make scratch

The city's mine This is Babo Haft, you've heard of me

This mix of Arabic and French words,

which also sounds really particular,

creates a kind of ghetto Esperanto.

Chab, what's up? Azzlack has fame

See how he makes money

Kardaş, get out of our way We're a global power

S-Class, black, matte Mercedes from Benz suits me, chab

Real hard Like a leather jacket from Belstaff

This isn't German What I'm doing is Kanackiş

You know this is Haft Little kahba, siktir, bas git

Call that rap? What I do…

Suddenly, "lamp" rhymes with "fridge."

How did he even do that?

Kanackiş, azzlack

That's what I mean. Kanackiş.

If you think she's hot Now what?

I grab you…

That's what I mean. You immediately hear "Kr-kr…"

Who makes those kinds of sounds in a song just to show he's loading his gun?

This is Haft-to-befehl, sick…

It's so direct.

You can't escape it.

People instantly feel the aura he has.

The energy is just spot on.

As an artist, I think that's totally awesome.

His music holds up a mirror to today's broken youth.

Thirteen fifty for a kilo of hash…

Nougg3apreis, asahbi I love my city

You know?

That's why so many young people can relate to him.

- Haftbefehl. - Haftbefehl.

- Hafti, of course. - Because Haft is just better.

He just has this flow. He's just the best rapper in Germany.

For me, he's Germany's only rap star.

Aykut got bigger from album to album.

First there was Azzlack Stereotyp, then Kanackiş, and then Blockplatin.

And "Chabos" was on Blockplatin. And no one could ignore that.

Chabos know who Babo is

Hafti Abi is the one Sitting in the Lambo or Ferrari

Saudi-Arabi…

And that's when things really started for me.

Watch, don't mess around Or I'll come break your nose…

Things suddenly moved fast. Bam, bam, bam.

Haftbefehl here, Haftbefehl there.

COLOGNE 2022

This jacket is really weird, dude. It squeaks.

Hi, wife. How are you?

Hi, husband.

Oh, again?

I built a house. My kids are moving in now, right?

I am too, of course.

The house is gonna be nice, right?

Yes, very.

- Yeah. - Very, very, very.

- It cost me quite a bit. - Did you see it?

Did you go to the doctor?

No, I didn't.

Go tomorrow, then.

You just reminded me. Now I have acid reflux.

Let it roll.

Hafti

Blanco!

Cho

I reload the pump gun

Baba H raps and shares his mindset

With all Alamanya

Okay, bro. We'll get the album done today, bro!

More than ten years of street rap For your ghetto blaster

Real reporting Direct from Radio Frankfurt Station

Candy comes in avocados Pots are burnt from grass

When I do something, when I love something,

and music is an example of that,

I'm the kind of guy who really throws himself into something.

Ready to hand, accurate I keep mixing, narco…

He's so uncompromising.

It's really extreme.

But I think that's also why I love to make music with him,

because it matters.

Valentino, color black Half a kilo of gear

Should we use that?

No, brother. That one.

Back.

That's where I need to come in. I know where.

I've got it.

Don't underestimate this guy.

He's a music brain. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Because I'm the shit in Europe

Bitch, it's Babo Haft

I reload the pump gun

Baba H brings the drive-by soundtrack For everyone in Frankfurt

I reload the pump gun

Stop.

Yes, my love?

Look at this.

We're all very proud of you because your iced tea is number one now.

My iced tea made it to number one, right?

Yes, I just need to record. I'll call you in a bit, okay?

Aliyah, Noah!

Oh, my kids. Hold on.

Daddy, I'm proud of you.

Is that right?

Where is Aliyah?

Daddy, where are you?

I'm at work, honey.

Say bye.

Look at what he's wearing. Honey, look.

Is that your favorite T-shirt?

I love you too, baby. See you soon. I have to work, okay?

- See you soon. Bye. - Bye.

Let's make a story where you say thank you.

Number one on… What's the name of the website?

Beverage Award.

- What? - Beverages Award.

Did you hear that? We made number one on there.

No, leave it like that.

- No. - Why not? It's funny.

Hello, friends.

I want to thank you all for the number one.

Voted the best iced tea in Germany

by the Beverage-Meverage…

I need to record.

What with all your iced teas and döners and burgers and…

I see my world In black, white, and red

I don't generally listen to German rap.

I put the candy on the scales Fresh from the kitchen…

That edgy stuff, it was never my thing.

I said, "Okay, that's his music, that's his art, that's his thing."

Okay, so let's start rehearsing.

Yo!

It's a whole other world, right?

I don't want to know what my mother thought.

I haven't ever asked her.

Chabos know who Babo is

Hafti Abi is the one Sitting in the Lambo and Ferrari

Saudi Arabi money rich

What she must have thought,

who her daughter got together with…

Good morning, friends. We're awake.

I've been awake a little longer than this guy here.

I'm the shit, dude.

And I'm camera ready.

Yes, his personality, his… Somehow, it somehow got me.

Look at this.

- What is that? - What is that?

I don't have that.

But then, you're not super human.

I have different organs to other people.

- I can also fly, for instance. - Right.

- You can fly flat on your face. - Louis Vuitton! Where is it?

Just wait. I'll find somewhere to park.

My cap is from Louis.

My T-shirt is from Louis, my jogging pants,

my shorts are from Louis, and my shoes.

Your underpants too.

My underpants are from Aldi. Because no one sees them.

How does that saying go? "Wow on the outside, gross on the inside."

I'm Hafti.

- Aykut Anhan. - Sometimes.

- Always. - Always.

But which intro? Do we want the long one or do we jump right in?

No. With the intro.

The lights go off here. The lights go off right here.

When it comes to his music, you can't hold him back.

Baba Julius Caesar?

At the time, I thought, "Oh, can I keep up with all that?"

"Can I manage all that?"

Exactly, the whole intro, so that he gets a feel for it.

I also had a bit of a fear of loss.

Because it suddenly went boom, and you're left standing there thinking,

"Hey, you've lost the old Aykut."

When Aykut walks down the street, people appear from nowhere.

Everyone who's ever been around him knows what happens.

Hafti!

"Hafti, Hafti, Hafti," "Hafti Abi," "Abi, can we…" "Abi, could we…"

Hafti Abi!

In Turkish, "abi" means "big brother."

I understand when people say that he's our voice

because no one's ever listened to us before.

He's kind of like the sun for us. Hope.

Haft is the mouthpiece.

He says what most have either experienced, are experiencing,

or at least gives them the feeling that they're being heard.

Check my odyssey

Mind's the pilot What butterflies in my gut? Fuck Oli P.

Chasing money Dodging Thorsten Beetz…

So you can see him like this,

that he's the pillar of the house.

He's the literal pillar.

If you remove it, then the whole thing comes down.

He's literally the pillar.

Aykut is the main pillar holding up the house.

Please, no hiccups, no mistakes, brother.

- It has to go smoothly. - Alarm.

1A, brother. Hadi! Brother…

Okay, I'm ready.

It's not really about the songs.

It's more about the people standing in front of him.

Hafti!

You're his disciple.

You're not just a fan, you actually become his disciple.

If you're a Haftbefehl fan and understand what Haftbefehl's saying,

then you know you're following and listening to someone

who knows what he's saying and who has experienced it himself.

Make some noise for the living legend, Haftbefehl!

069

Let the monkeys out of the zoo Cho

Let the monkeys out of the zoo Blanco

Let the monkeys out of the zoo Cho

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

What's up?

Automatic gun What's up, Oliver?

Run as far as you can I hope marathon was your hobby, chab

Headshot for the officer Before he falls to the ground

When the shotgun bangs Bitch, I wanna see dead people

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

Let the monkeys out of the zoo

Azzlack, baba

Cho, cho, cho…

Of course I miss him in the evenings. When I sit here, and Aykut isn't here,

I sometimes think, "Hmm, if I had a regular husband,

he'd come home from work at some point,

might watch a movie with me, whatever."

Oh, brother, we're all going to the after-party.

Or do we go to the hotel? Or to a club?

It's not easy.

At the moment.

Let me just make the soup.

I'm on my own with the kids 24-7.

I'm not a single mother, but I almost kind of am.

I kind of am.

Is this all homework?

Yeah, it's not for me to do, Mr. Anhan.

Down, across, and up.

- Great, amazing. - You're welcome.

That's the nicest one.

I don't have time to think, "Oh, do I feel lonely?"

I've just come to terms with it. It's his life.

It's his life.

He has a rock-star lifestyle.

Even as artists, most people have a relatively structured life.

With Haft, you don't know what'll happen tomorrow.

Is that good or bad?

It matches his personality.

That's Haft.

He's just unpredictable.

If you want to throw a TV out of a hotel window, then do it. I don't care.

But make sure you arrive at the right time, in the right place.

We once locked ourselves in the studio to work on The White Album.

And we waited for him for two days.

Depression in the ghetto

He shows up at his own video shoot at 11:00 p.m.

Three and a half days late, and he's showing up for the first time.

Sometimes things happen with Aykut that mean he can't be there.

And you try to make some sense of it all.

Guess what he said about where Aykut is.

At the dentist.

"Hey, bro. I'll be right there."

Here's the music industry, and here's Haftbefehl.

No one can control him. You never know what you're going to get.

And we're sitting there,

and we improvise some bullshit.

Then he calls and says everything's fine. He'll be there tomorrow.

I'm like, "Okay, fine."

"He'll hopefully come tomorrow."

Depression in the ghetto Forget SOS, no one's coming to save you

What do you think of hoodies

where you can zip up the hood at the front?

I think they had them in New York five or ten years ago,

but they were banned

because they were used to rob too many stores.

We wanted to present the brand, the project, the cooperation

with Haftbefehl to a wider audience at the OMR Festival.

Thousands of visitors in front of the stage,

prime time for that kind of event.

It's the most important event in a marketing manager's calendar.

What can I say?

As moderator, I normally have the great job of introducing people.

Unfortunately, in this case, things are a little different.

Haftbefehl canceled with short notice this morning.

In 2019, we extended Aykut's contract

and organized a huge contract signing here in Berlin.

All the Universal big shots are there.

Only Aykut is missing.

Just like in the movies. A bright red Ferrari.

Steps out, shades on, cap on backwards.

"Ah, Max!"

I look down, he's not wearing shoes.

He's wearing hotel slippers.

He says, "Here I am." I say, "Great you're here."

He says, "Yeah, all good."

And I can tell he hasn't slept much.

Aykut comes in. Whirlwind. Loud, yelling.

At one point, he had our CEO in a headlock, like…

And I'm thinking, "Oh God, please let it end."

Forever rich…

He takes the contract, holds it against the wall,

puts the pen in his mouth, and writes like this.

You know, you know Forever rich

I mean, we talk about it now.

Yeah, that's how it is, of course. That's Haftbefehl.

But at some point, there was a realization.

It's funny up until it's no longer funny.

Raise your hands, Mannheim! Hands in the air!

Mannheim.

That was the first day it went public.

I want to thank everyone for taking part, for being here from the start.

I remember it well. I'd also been booked that day.

I came on before him, right before him.

I hope you have a lot of fun. My brother will come on stage now.

I came off stage after my set, and he came out, and he was…

I'd never seen him like that before.

Hello.

Mannheim!

And then he and I had a really, really bad fight.

He treated me like I didn't exist, and he didn't listen to me at all.

I didn't recognize my own brother.

I didn't look good, that's for sure.

Hafti can barely manage to hold on.

- A scandalous showing. - Wasn't able to speak straight.

- The incident goes viral. - The Haftbefehl performance was a washout.

- The concert was a disaster. - …stumbles around high…

TOTALLY HIGH, FALLS OVER, DRUGS

…a massive disappointment…

When that happened, we were in the process of releasing the album Mainpark.

Aykut was about to go on tour.

And we had to cancel it all.

CANCELED

UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO CANCEL THE TOUR FOR HEALTH REASONS.

MY BODY NEEDS A BREAK.

I…

Started taking cocaine at the age of 13.

I started smoking weed at 13 but lost interest after six months.

That's when I started doing coke.

Twenty-five years.

I didn't even know what it was back then.

I kept sinking further into a drug pit.

At first, it was every three, four days. Then I'd take coke every two days.

With more money comes more coke.

I called Neffi.

"Neffi, he really likes you. Please talk to him."

And he did that for me.

Yeah, Mannheim…

It just made me deeply sad.

And, for the first time,

I got the feeling that I shouldn't meet up with him

as a Universal employee to talk to him and find out how things were going,

but as Neffi.

And so I went to Aykut's hotel

because he'd shut himself in and hadn't come out for a few days.

It was so absurd.

He was three floors up, I was three floors below him,

and we communicated by text.

In the end, the core message was,

"I'm not leaving until you come out, and we go to a clinic."

I slept for eight days.

Eight days!

I was wiped out.

I woke up, took pills, and went back to sleep.

Woke up, took pills, went back to sleep.

I didn't know what pills I was taking. I just took whatever they gave me.

After eight days,

I went to therapy downstairs for the first time.

I felt like a ghost.

I suddenly start to see shadows and all that.

Do you know what the therapist said to me?

Do you know what she said?

She said, "You're going to die."

I was like, "Why would I die?"

I've been taking coke for 23 years.

People mess me up way more than coke does.

I'm outta here.

"I'm outta here."

"Fuck it."

I got my things and left.

Cloak and dagger operation.

Aykut didn't want therapy.

In the end, you're faced with a force of nature.

If he doesn't want to, then he doesn't want to.

I would have felt bad if I'd had a say in it.

If it had been something that I'd had a say in.

But only people who've been through it themselves

can understand drugs.

I started taking coke at 13. I'm 38.

You always pay a high price.

A very, very high price.

That's show business. It's a fucking stage.

And you always have to be able to put on a smile.

I don't think there's any other job

in which not being able to put on a smile

has so many negatives consequences, you know?

But you can't always smile.

And so you might get a smile by other means, you know?

It's not easy.

I take care of everyone.

And when I've made sure that everyone's okay,

I withdraw and want to get high.

Then I crawl into my hole and get high.

I come back out after five days, and by then the mood has tanked again.

Then I have to make sure everyone's okay again.

Haha, hehe, Gucci here, Gucci there.

Mercedes here, Mercedes there.

Baba, baba. Handle business for two days, and then back in the hole.

Back in the hole.

Over there.

I have to wake up Daddy.

Tell me, is everything okay?

This is your first vacation, right?

Here, look.

Yes.

You thought I wasn't coming, right?

Yeah, I never know with you.

Yeah, well…

Babe, how are we getting to the airport? In a cab? Then I should call one now.

- Call one. - Yeah? Okay.

How long are we staying? One or two weeks?

Careful, angel.

Our connection isn't as strong as it was.

It really went downhill.

Because we've really been getting in each other's hair lately.

You go to the airport. I'll follow in first class.

Kids, can you go ahead? I'll get things in order and then…

Haftbefehl has caused a lot of damage.

Sometimes I wish I could have my old life back.

Just completely normal again. But that's not possible.

How many roses did you get?

Two hundred.

Yeah, from who?

From you!

From your secret admirer.

That time period was so lovely.

Look, look!

We messed around so much, did so much dumb stuff.

We were like kids.

When he says, "I'll come on vacation with you,"

I'm already expecting him

not to.

He can't leave it behind.

I don't think he wants any of it. But he can't. He just can't.

That's not how it's supposed to be. That isn't my life.

Unfortunately.

It's not me.

My life isn't a Kellogg's commercial, man.

Know what I mean?

I can never be the father in the Kellogg's commercial.

You know?

I'm Haft. I'm Aykut. I'm Celal's son. Do you know what I mean?

What's the best way to explain my father's aura?

My father was the kind of guy who, when he walked down the street,

regardless of who was there, someone would always turn their head.

It was an aura that he carried with him. Like, that energy.

But it was also the style he had as a person.

My father only wore Versace, Armani.

His clothes must have been worth half a million marks back then.

He'd wear a suit maybe three, four times and then just throw it in the trash.

My father was one of the first people who had a live music casino in Frankfurt.

He had the best casino in southern Germany.

The biggest Turkish artists came to him.

People who made money came to him.

Gamblers, mafia guys, drug dealers, all sorts.

People who'd made a name for themselves. And they threw a lot of money around.

On a big scale. On a grand scale.

I remember him as…

He only ever came home to sleep for a couple of hours.

Then he'd change,

take some suits with him, and be gone for another few days.

That's how it was all the time, for as long as I can remember.

Pay attention, Aykut.

I played with the Kickers for eight years. He never came once, for example.

He never once came to training! He never once came to a game, nothing!

I'd lie to myself and think,

"Maybe he was there but didn't say anything."

But I don't think it was like that.

I did pretty well with the Kickers. And you know, the fact he never once came?

I thought it was strange, anyway.

None of us knew what he did.

Aytac didn't know, Aykut didn't know, and I didn't know either.

We were told that he was a real estate broker.

To this day, I don't really know what he did.

We know one thing though.

He was very, very, very rich.

He earned a whole lot of money.

But somehow, we still lived on the seventh floor of a high-rise

in what may have been one of the most fucked-up areas of Frankfurt.

He was a professional gambler.

He used to gamble.

One roll of the dice, 200,000 marks. Two rolls, 400,000 marks.

Third roll, 600,000 marks. And so on.

A hardcore gambler. He couldn't live without gambling.

He got wiped out every night.

It was nothing to him. He had it back the next day.

People said, "He got money from somewhere."

Until today, no one knows where he got that money from.

But I know that there used to be a lot of money hidden at home.

A white carpet.

The whole bedroom was covered in that carpet.

There were two million marks under the carpet.

One day he had it. A week later, he had nothing, he was in debt, you know?

My father was always a very unique character.

And at some point, the moment came where it all changed.

Things really changed… over time.

Make some noise for the living rap legend, Haftbefehl!

- Yes, brother. - Hey, brother.

Yes, brother.

- Only the dead are legends. - What? No, brother.

You call someone a legend when they're dead.

- You're the living rap legend, brother. - A living rap legend, is that possible?

You call someone a legend when they're dead, right?

I'm still alive.

I'm still alive.

Let's all sing together!

06-069, cho

Rothschild theory Gonna commit murder now

Azzlack, open the gates to hell

Guns are fired While you rap over headphones

I'm… I'm the pimp German rap is my brothel

Welcome to 06-069, cho

06-069

06-069, cho

Aykut is the loveliest guy in the world.

But Haftbefehl is dangerous.

He's a danger to himself too. Because Haftbefehl has no fear.

I think it's easier for him to be Haftbefehl than Aykut Anhan

because Aykut Anhan has to take care of his family.

And I think that's a huge battle that he's always fighting with himself.

06-069

Thank you, Zurich! Thank you!

Thank you!

Come through.

Close the door, honey.

I love Aykut, yeah.

But not Haftbefehl.

I'll take this off.

Hmm, yes. You can take that off, honey.

He talked about his dad a lot.

He was never able to work through it.

My father was strange, for sure.

He was strange. He was like…

He would always sit by himself.

Then he'd get up.

He'd yell at me and my brother for a bit because we played too loudly.

My father was an

extremely authoritarian man.

As safe as he made me feel, that's how scared he made me feel too.

When he became ill, he started to hit us.

When he had depression, he couldn't control his temper. You know?

And that's when things got real.

Seventh floor.

I went up.

I opened the door.

- I was like, "Hello?" - Hello?

I hear someone fighting for their life. Unable to breathe.

And I go in…

I open the door, and I see my father.

He has a towel around his neck and is strangling himself like this.

His eyes were popping out.

He was close…

And he slapped me. "Pow."

I got scared. He looked at me and started to laugh.

"Are you trying to save your dad?"

I was awake the whole night. I didn't sleep.

Went to school the next day.

I sat in the hallway until 6:00 a.m. because I was scared he'd die.

What we went through wasn't easy. It really wasn't easy.

And you can't hold it against Aykut when he says,

"I couldn't really cope with it all," or, "I haven't processed it all."

You really can't hold it against him

once you know exactly what he went through and how.

This is junk.

OFFENBACH JULY 2, 1999

I still remember. It was raining hard, and it was July 2nd.

I came in. My little brother was there.

My mother started crying when she saw me.

I said, "Okay, it's over."

Aykut smashed his head against the wall.

Everyone tried to stop him. I said, "Let him. He should let his hatred out."

I was angry, yeah.

I was fucking angry, yeah.

I think the first time I ran out of the house,

I gave my neighbor a shove.

For no reason.

"Bam, you son of a bitch! Why didn't your father die?"

At that time, I was already psychologically messed up, I think.

I didn't even realize, you know.

I didn't realize. I only cried when I saw the little one.

Yeah, whenever I saw the little one, I'd cry.

He was so young. He was so sweet.

I was like, "He's my little one, man. I have to be there for him now."

Aykut was like a father to me.

100%.

Yeah.

I mean, when you think about how you write songs

as a way to work through your trauma,

and that's the most important thing when it comes to trauma,

that you talk about it and kind of get it out and let it go.

If it hadn't bothered him or affected him since he was 13,

he wouldn't talk about it in his songs.

I don't even want to think about what he'd be like

if he didn't have these songs.

The street is my teacher

School sucked

Dad leaving was real hard

I curse that day

My youth shattered like a glass

I was 14 years old at the time

The street took me in its arms And never let go

Why was I born? Say "Yallah"

Leben, life, hayat

Leben, life, hayat

Leben, life, hayat

Life

There's a series of tracks on Haftbefehl's albums called "1999."

It has a total of six parts over three different albums.

And that's probably the most honest journal

that's ever existed in German rap albums.

Because those voice message skits between him and Bazzazian, the producer,

they're therapy sessions recorded on an album.

Brother, I've been writing nonstop up to now.

I need some time out.

Do you know how much went into this album, brother?

These lyrics that you're listening to, that I'm sending you, brother.

Every word, every line is true, brother.

These lines break walls Like Pink Floyd

Deep messages in your face Bro, enjoy

Three grams of coke in my blood Liters of Blue Label when I booze

Twenty years of drugs Why I act schizophrenic

Most people love Haftbefehl

because he's the one screaming at you and creating these anthems.

I'd probably say it's the disarming honesty of the lyrics.

Such honest words that, let me put it this way,

if I was part of his family, they would scare me.

Do I worry about my brother?

I think that I wouldn't be his brother if I didn't worry about him.

Abi!

Could you turn the cameras off briefly?

Yes.

Babo.

I mean, it's not something that happened from one day to the next.

It's something that's developed over time. And you're fighting a battle.

Because that stuff really is the devil.

And that stuff changes people in a particular way.

First, you don't want to believe it

because you've known that person that way for 25 years.

Suddenly, he's doing things he never used to do.

And you think, "That's not possible. That's not him."

To come to that realization, especially as his brother,

that's a completely different story.

That's a completely different thing.

I think Aykut is the most unpredictable artist that we work with,

and we really do a lot of shows.

But you just can't plan anything.

I mean, it's impossible to plan things with Aykut.

The idea was to organize a big birthday concert for Aykut

at the Jahrhunderthalle in Frankfurt.

The whole venue sold out in no time.

The problem, as ever, was that we hadn't heard from Aykut.

It's okay like that.

Come in.

Hey! Come in.

He's peeing.

Oh shit.

Did Aykut already get the stuff?

- Things are getting tight, time-wise. - Yeah, for sure, brother.

- But you know, doors open at 8:00 p.m. - Yeah, brother.

We need to get out of here by 7:30 p.m. at the latest.

Yeah, bro.

Farid's DJ only gets here at 5:00 p.m. He's stuck in traffic.

- We can finish up then. - Great.

Sabri and the others are already there too.

You work on it for eight months.

No one knows whether it's going to happen or not.

You don't know what's going to happen.

Great.

Take your time.

- You okay? - Yeah.

- Do you need a drink? - All good.

Thanks, brother.

He always says he's fine.

He's fine.

He doesn't look that bad.

I've realized that a person has to reach that understanding themselves.

There's no other way.

I've tried everything.

From separating, to taking the children,

to moving here for good.

So, away from him.

Nothing worked. Nothing.

Every now and then, I'd think, "Okay, it's getting better,"

but… no chance.

It's fine.

Kids had been standing in front of the venue from 2:00 p.m.,

wanting to get in.

We hire a concert hall for a six-figure sum,

plus everything else, and he probably won't even show up.

I can't rehearse, wallah.

I missed the rehearsals. I'm fucked.

I just wanted to say, the dog's staying here. Can we leave?

Dude, what are we even talking about?

I have a concert in front of 7,000 people. I have to go!

- He wants to drive. - Come on, I'll just drive.

- Are you for real right now? - Like this?

No. You have to put it into D, Nina.

- Move the gear again. - Not yet.

Slowly, honey. Please stop!

Yeah, dude. Man, dude. Crazy, dude!

Hafti!

Hey, how do we get to VIP?

Haft walks into the room You know you're big

I have the aura All eyes on me

Because it's your dream, you envy me

You think you're the shit? I don't think so!

Good to see you, my bro.

Regardless of what it is, you can't stop him.

He says yes to everything,

even when he's doing so badly and is lying on the floor.

How often have I said, "Please just cancel."

No, he's going.

- When do we start? - You're already seven minutes late.

Because my nose is bleeding.

Whoever's talking into the mic should let me know.

- Check if my nose is bleeding. - I'll tell them.

I can't tell.

Shit.

With Haftbefehl, or with me, everyone's like, "He doesn't give a fuck."

That's what they used to say. "He doesn't give a fuck."

"He doesn't care about anything." And I don't care about anything.

When it comes to art, I stop caring about anything else.

When it comes to art, I stop caring about anything else.

Aykut, we have to go.

I've seen him before and thought, "This won't work."

And you think, "There's no way something's going to happen out there."

Hafti!

And he steps out, and the crowd goes wild.

Okay, 069, the area code Now things get brutal

Hit you bad No reason, no morals

I'm young, I'm wild, I'm antisocial

Fuck Arnold I'm Conan the Barbarian

When he stepped out, somehow he delivered.

He was there and was like, "Hey, today…"

He was really there.

But still, in myself, I was thinking,

"We're not going to make it to his birthday."

No matter what he does, no matter what,

it always looks like he's about to mess everything up.

The thing is though, that he, that's what makes a rock star,

the fact that he does a fucking amazing job.

I was born for this shit.

I just need a mic and a beat.

In the end, Aykut was on stage for three hours.

And he put everything he had into making it happen.

Hands up, everyone. All the way up!

He just called all his rap friends, and everyone came.

We want more!

More! Double the check! More! Double the check! More!

We want more!

I love music.

That's not gonna change.

I'll make music until the day I die.

I think it was like a week after the concert.

Cem calls me.

I answer.

"Yussef, Aykut is in the hospital."

"What?"

"Aykut is in the hospital. He's dying."

I get to the hospital and go straight to the ER.

"I'm looking for Aykut Anhan."

"He's not here," she says.

I'm confused. I go out the front, out the back.

And I turn around and see an ambulance arrive.

EMERGENCY ROOM

They open the door, and all I see are his feet.

I thought he was dead.

I swear, my eyes welled up.

It got to the point where they had to resuscitate Aykut.

They said it was a cocaine overdose.

Look, I'll tell you what happened.

I got into a fight with my little brother.

I wasn't in my right mind, you know.

I said, "I'm going to kill myself."

I went to the hotel, alone.

I booked myself a suite.

One gram here, one gram there.

Every 20 minutes.

The baggie was empty. I couldn't believe it.

My nose was bleeding.

My eyes were tearing up

because it burned my nose so badly, you know. It was too much.

Then I fell asleep and woke up in intensive care.

At some point, he opened his eyes.

"Hey, am I dead?"

"Abi, no, you're not dead. You're here."

He flipped out.

He was really angry.

How is it that you escape death

and then the first thing you do is

get mad because you didn't die?

It wasn't a good feeling.

I was scared when I came back.

All I saw was black, dude.

All I remember is that I was shouting and pulling all the wires off myself.

I wanted to get back out and keep going.

They all wanted me to stop. They were upset to see me like that.

"Mr. Anhan, pull yourself together."

Then I got out and kept going.

Right away. Ten grams.

"MAN IN THE MIRROR" 2013 SONG

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I look at you, but who is that man? Dammit

Am I losing my mind?

You're a mirror But who is that man?

I didn't recognize him

And I'm starting to get scared

How many years have gone by?

I don't just ask the watch on my arm But the clock on the wall

First the street, then a star Then the fall

Like your father Who no one helped back then

I'm done with all your games And yell, "Fuck you all"

And shoot myself with the pump gun In the nut

Man in the mirror

Man in the mirror

"Man in the Mirror" was crazy.

As though he already knew in 2013 how he'd turn out.

That shapes you for your whole life, whether you like it or not.

A person has to come to terms with that, deal with it, at that age.

You can't do that on your own.

It's depression.

My grandmother,

her brother took his own life.

My father's youngest brother took his own life.

My father's father, his brother took his own life.

My father took his own life.

Eventually, you ask yourself,

"Okay, he did it, my father did it, why shouldn't I?"

I can tell you one thing about my brother.

He's not scared of anything.

The only thing that holds him back is the people he loves.

Are you in pain?

Okay, let's go see the doctor.

Come.

Come, I want to show you something.

First, I want to show you those two.

That's my son Noah.

That's my baby Aliyah. It's her birthday today. My baby.

And that's the piece of dirt.

The piece of dirt on the left. I'm the piece of dirt.

But he loves his kids. I love my kids more than anything.

What's it called again?

"In my garden, in my garden. In my garden…"

"A raven builds its nest."

What's it called? Here, Reinhard Mey. Do you know Reinhard Mey?

In my garden, in my garden

The delphinium bloomed blue Amongst the weeds

In my garden Among the weeds in my garden

Where the other flowers wither

Flowers wither

In my roof, in my roof

A raven builds its nest

And under my crumbling roof

Under my crumbling roof

Where the wind blows through the beams

Where the wind blows through the beams

Brutal song, dude. Whoa.

Heavy.

In my life, in my life

She lost her way and found me

And she took up space in my life

Space in my narrow life

And created confusion in my mind

Created confusion in my mind

I gave her what I had

Of reason and understanding

I gave her my soul

May the good Lord forgive me

Because I had nothing else to give her

Because I had nothing else to give her

SHORTLY AFTER THE CONCERT

Sit down.

Why didn't you cancel the performance?

Why should I have?

Your doctor said that your life is at risk.

What am I supposed to do?

Go to the hospital.

And then?

Get treatment so that your life is no longer at risk.

And then?

You'll feel better.

And then?

Then you'll feel even better.

And then?

And then really good.

And then?

Let's take a short break.

- Keep it rolling. - Just for a bit.

No, keep it rolling.

I don't give a shit. You want to see me? Here. Here I am.

- I have to leave. - Go, then.

- I have to leave now, unfortunately. - So go.

- But then I'll quit. - Will you call me tomorrow?

I'll pull out of the documentary.

I need the mic.

- Give me the camera. - Hmm?

Give me the camera.

Give me the camera.

Give it here.

Bye.

Okay. Let's go.

You sons of bitches! Get out!

Get out, you sons of bitches!

Allah will help me destroy these demons!

Allah, destroy these sons of bitches.

I'll fuck your mothers, you sons of bitches.

You sons of bitches.

Get out!

Get out!

Get out, you sons of bitches. Out!

Those sons of bitches, that scum. Get out!

I sit on the edge of the log roof And let the classics float

And I think while I count the stars

How much longer Will the Earth keep turning?

Not much longer, as long as It carries the devil on its shoulders

Blow the scars out of my soul My childhood was cursed

Chisel the lines onto the walls And blood is my ink

I yell as loud as I can Into the Earth's atmosphere

"Dear God, will this be the night That I die?"

If I were to die,

what remains?

Haftbefehl the junkie?

Or Haftbefehl the musician?

Looking for God 'Cause they give me hell

Looking for God 'Cause they give me hell

We got to the point where we realized that if we didn't do something,

he'd either die or be damaged for the rest of his life.

We have to do something.

A person in this situation, doesn't matter who it is,

you can only help them by taking the choice away from them.

He clearly said, "Forget it."

He said it to my face. "Forget it. I'm not coming to Türkiye with you."

He just wasn't having it. He wanted nothing to do with this clinic.

He's my brother, and I'll see this through to the end.

If I give up, then I'll have lost.

I didn't give up.

It took me six months to persuade him

that he had to come to the clinic with me.

And he'd noticed it too. "What are you planning?"

"I've got nothing planned. I just want you to be well. Nothing more."

Just talk to the doctor.

They ask him a lot of questions.

He answers the questions, but kind of like, "Nah…"

He's playing them, not taking it seriously.

Then the psychologist says to him, "But we have to take your phone."

He kicked off right away.

"Are you joking? You think I'm a child? Do I look like a child?"

I think, "No, the whole plan is screwed."

I look at the doctor, and he says,

"Know what? We'll make an exception."

He signs. My brother starts to stress.

I say, "They just want to check you."

What he didn't notice,

the papers he signed

were a power of attorney in my favor.

They get into the elevator.

At the other side of this elevator is a locked institution.

While I'm still talking to the psychologist, my phone rings.

Because he kept his phone.

I answer at some point, and he says,

"If you don't get me out now, you'll see what happens."

"From now on, you're my biggest enemy."

I say, "Okay, hold on. I'll get you out."

"I promise, I'll get you out."

I turn on airplane mode, put my phone down.

He's staying here for now.

My whole body felt like someone had poured boiling water over my head.

I was totally beside myself.

Locking up your own brother, that's like locking a part of yourself up.

Look, to be honest, I'd be dead if I hadn't gone in there.

I was already practically dead. I wasn't aware of anything.

I don't know how to describe it.

Those drugs just change everything.

Ice cream!

- Ice cream? - Yes.

Aliyah.

The soul suffers most with cocaine.

Look, life is like a candle, you know?

You take that stuff, and it burns down slowly, you know?

At some point, you get to the end, and the candle is gone.

Kids! Come, we're going to buy some toys.

What's up with you? When are you back?

- Tomorrow. - How are the kids?

Good. They're right here.

Tell them a big hi from me.

Okay. Talk tomorrow, hadi.

Okay, hadi, brother. Bye.

Hadi, brother.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But giving up isn't an option.

You haven't once said to me,

"You can't show that. I'm not having that."

- Why not? - Why not?

So, lie?

No, I don't want that.

What's the truth, man?

That I'm surrounded by ten naked women the whole time?

This is a hip-hop video, bro. Don't forget reality. You understand?

This is reality.

No, man.

It has to be honest, bro.

BABO KURDISH FOR FATHER

Subtitle translation by: John Turner