Original subtitles

You guys decided to hit the cemetery for Dia de los Muertos?

Don't do that. You're gonna get canceled.

But yeah, so excited. It's my first big hang with Brianna's crew.

They're basically the cool girls.

You mean the other mean girls?

We're working on a rebrand.

Carter, Carter, how did you get roped into chaperone your sister's terrifying

little coven for Halloween?

I didn't. I'm going with Lily and the boys.

Or as I call them, the three brosketeers.

The Brahmin Empire.

Divergence.

See, this is why I have to avoid Carter.

He can't embarrass me in front of Brianna.

She made a grown man cry with an eye roll.

It was inspiring.

I'd say you can't hang out with her, but I don't want her mad at me either.

As they'll finish getting ready, both her carpools will be here any minute.

And I'm gonna go try on the vampire. costume I ordered.

Mission accomplished.

Hello. How are you?

Is this the trick -or -treat bowl? Three crumpled up wrappers and a sign that

says take one, Iggy.

Do my part to combat childhood diabetes.

Nope. We are greeting trick -or -treaters the right way.

Matt Parker's not getting egged on my watch.

Nobody can afford to throw eggs anymore, Eve.

You did a whole bag of candy?

No, no, that's just my stuff.

Riley said she and the kids were having sleepovers tonight, so I thought we

could have one, too.

Oh, yes, they were good. Great, great, great.

Got my toothbrush, my PJs, gas ex.

Probably should have kept that last one to myself.

Princess Leia shows up, we're going to be a shoe -in for a couple of costume

contests. Get her to my original partner, though.

Not me. I can't believe I let you talk. Me and the big bank robbers last year.

You had fun. I got pulled over twice.

What happened to your vampire costume?

It was basically fangs and a thong.

It was clearly for 21 -year -olds who have no shame.

Should have come with a bottle of tequila and a UTI test.

So you decided to come as an alcoholic sloth?

I'm a mama bear.

It made more sense when my kids dressed as cubs.

Looking sexy on Halloween's played out, right?

Or not.

I'm so sorry, Emily. I had to whip up the vampire costume at the last minute.

What about us being Han and Leia?

I'm sorry, I don't really... get Star Trek.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. She meant Star Wars.

She knows the difference.

I've told her a couple of times.

Well, the important thing is Amelie looks amazing and she knows you watch

movies and she's dating you anyway.

So, how about Captain Solo smuggles over some shots and we make this an epic

Halloween?

Okay, you're right.

And we can still win as Han Solo and I guess...

An OnlyFans vampire.

Oh, my God. Is that girl checking out Gabe's ass?

Um, I'm sure she's just looking at his blaster.

That doesn't sound any better.

I'm not above bitch -slapping a nun.

I think there might be eternal consequences to that.

I'm joking. You know, Gabe's ass is perfect. She should look.

Everybody should look.

It's fun when I don't know what's real or not.

Hey, Lily, have you seen Carter? He's getting notches with the bro, bro, bro

your boats.

I really hope they find a better name.

Everything okay?

Not really.

I think I'm going to call my mom to pick me up.

Turns out the mean girls are mean.

Been there.

I got out my Ouija board, and Brianna asked if I was going to talk to the

of 2017.

That's the last time my shoes were cool.

My Brianna was named Rachel. She was such a bully, and she just cracked a

million followers on Instagram.

Terrible person, great makeup tutorials.

Are you talking about Walmart Rachel?

I follow her.

Don't let Brianna ruin your night.

You have a board that can talk to dead people.

And you're in a cemetery.

And my grandma's buried in that mausoleum.

How about I tell Carter to meet you over there?

No, he's with his friends.

I'm sure the bro -bro -bro -your -boats have someone else who can burp the

alphabet.

I can see why Carter likes you.

Zero idea what you see in him.

all right with this? I mean, what kind of horror movie is this?

There's no building code in the world that would allow you to put a breaker

in the attic.

Gosh, if only you had been there to mansplain city ordinances.

You live this far out in the woods without a generator, you deserve to get

killed with a stapler in the eye.

So you think you'd be smart enough to outthink the slasher? Don't need to be

smart. I got a gun.

More trick -or -treaters.

Give them raisins, they'll spread the news, and no one will come back.

Look how cute you guys are.

What's with the Woody costume?

Come on, kid, you got to go as a space ranger.

Space ranger.

All right, it's 9 .30, cut the lights.

Because after this, it's just going to be teenagers, no costumes.

It's just polite mugging now.

Why don't you and I go upstairs and treat ourselves to some adult fun?

How do we stay downstairs and have some fun on this couch?

Watching the rest of the movie.

Really? Are you okay?

Yeah. The ugly best friend hasn't been killed yet.

Okay, focus. Don't bruise my cornea like last time.

Although it was cool to know that I could pull off an eye patch.

Oh, that's a good move!

Nice.

I love that you two have so many inside

jokes.

That's so fun.

Hey, is Stitch chatting up twins or are these drinks hitting just right?

Hey, go wingman your boy.

Juan Solo needs his Mr. Spock.

They wouldn't even know each other.

I'm so glad we all got to party together.

Not that I haven't worn a costume and gotten wasted in my kitchen alone.

Marriage was tough.

Hey,

um, can I ask you something?

They're real.

No, not really.

Why can't guys wear a hot costume?

1990 Bon Jovi?

2025 Bon Jovi?

I think I want a bone Bon Jovi.

Okay, so Bon Jovi is your type.

I wouldn't say I have a type. I guess not on meth.

So, Gabe could be your type.

Well,

I mean, you're both hot. You know, it seems like you've always had a little

connection.

Why haven't you guys ever dated?

Me and Gabe? We are just friends.

But no benefit.

Other than the benefit of good fellowship.

Okay. Cool.

So cool.

Otherwise, I would have to slash your tires and make your life a living hell.

area's off -limits.

The catchers in here were dead meat.

No offense, dead meat.

Found her.

Hey, Grandma.

It's me, Carter.

You might not recognize me with my mustache.

Grandma, if you can hear me, first, I want to say that we love you, and we

you were still here.

And we miss you extra tonight, because...

You loved Halloween, but we know you're watching over us all the time.

Well, hopefully not all the time.

Because, you know.

Want to ask the first question?

Okay, it's got to be something essential.

Grandma, will I be popular again?

Seriously?

What's the meaning of life?

Uh, being popular.

Grandma, will I be popular again?

You moved it.

It wasn't me.

Grandma, if it really was you, give us a sign.

Grandma?

Grandma, we're evil undead gr -

Or as the Celts called it, Samhain.

As its roots in the ancient Celtic harvest festival, which marked the start

winter.

Dark time associated with death and spirits.

Spooky, man.

I mean, why go to bed so early when we can be excited by history down here?

Eve, is that you?

Eve.

Maddie.

Eve, where are you? What's happening?

I'm in your bedroom.

So the call is coming from inside the house.

Sounded like Batman with strep throat.

Eep.

Eep.

What are you doing?

I dropped my earring. Oh, well, now that you're awake, come on downstairs. We

can finish up the history of Halloween during Prohibition.

Or you join me in bed.

Am I in your spot?

No. No, no.

Here's my spot right here.

Oh.

Is this... You know, I think I forgot to put out milk and cookies for the great

pumpkin.

Hey, can we talk about something?

Yeah, sure.

Did you hear the Dodge came out with a new V8 Hemi?

Oh, he had another topic in mind.

Hey, it's the DJ Gobby Goblin. Gather around because it's time for the costume

contest winner.

Looks like it's Han Solo and Lady Chewbacca.

What?

Lady Chewbacca?

Oh, I see it.

It's a Halloween miracle.

The winning streak continues.

Suck it, hipsters, with your half -assed costumes.

You want to tell me what's going on?

Just getting some backup waters.

Seems like you might be a spiller.

Is it weird to have me spend the night here?

I didn't say that.

Yeah, but you're doing anything to not come to bed, which is confusing because

it's not like we haven't done the monster mash.

But at your house, I like going to your house.

Except that cat give me the stank eye.

Stink eye? I told you, Rudy has glaucoma.

You know, it turns out, you know, you were on that side of the bed.

It's a lot.

Really snuck up on me.

You want to make sure it's okay with her?

That would be impossible.

Maybe not.

We could go over to the cemetery right now and talk to her.

Here's an idea.

Let's not do that.

A trophy, free beers and burgers?

This place knows how to treat two heroes of the Rebel Alliance.

I wish Amelie saw us win.

Right? I wish I knew where she was right now.

And if I locked my front door.

Do you think Amelie and I are a good fit?

Like a straitjacket.

It doesn't matter what I think.

Yeah, it does.

If Chewie thought that Han and Leia were a good match, he'd say...

That's Wookiee for hell yeah, bro.

Okay.

You really want to know what I think? Here goes.

Did you get that?

That was hell yeah, bro again. That's the only phrase I know.

You guys spilled sangria all over me.

Like Carrie, but more delicious.

Well, here.

Wow. It is late. I should go.

A lot of crazy people out there.

A lot of crazy people in here.

Talking about myself. Certainly not you.

Happy Halloween. I gotta rock.

Great pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Bye.

Wow.

Well, it's getting late.

How about we hop in your Millennium Falcon and...

Head back to Hogwarts.

So close.

Oh.

You know, driving here, I thought this was going to be a bad idea, but now that

I'm here, I am certain this is a bad idea.

Come on, I think this could be good for you.

And us.

Like that green smoothie that kept me in the bathroom for four days?

Okay, here we go.

Diane, this is Eve. Eve, this is weird.

Hi, Diane. Nice to meet you.

Eve thought we should all meet.

We spend a lot of time together, and I think you two would get along.

You know, you share a lot in common. You know, you're both beautiful, wonderful

women with terrible taste in men.

I'm sorry to bother you on Halloween.

Guessing that's like Coachella for spirits.

Matt talks about you all the time.

But you should know he's doing good.

And this may sound crazy, but on some days, he's even happier.

Kind of neutral.

Even I really get along.

Even though I'm super chill and Matt...

Is Matt.

And I don't have to tell you that.

It's nice to meet you, Diane.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I just... I want you to be okay with this.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

What is it?

Well, marigolds.

Diane's favorite flower.

Maybe this is her way of giving us her blessing?

Maybe it is.

I think it is.

You know, why don't we just go back to my place tonight?

Thanks. It's a good idea.

Yeah.

Although...

The Monster Mash was a graveyard smash.

And she's very funny.

So after I got back into the group, I slowly turned the girls on Brianna and

basically became the new queen.

I don't know if you're talking about pre -teens or the Game of Thrones.

Lily Martinez and I swapped some spit.

We use the same straw. It still counts.

Hey, Riley.

Hope we're not intruding. You are.

I found your ears.

Oh, and I got your nose.

I don't know why I did that.

I hope I wasn't too weird last night. I got a little spicy after my third shot,

and I had six.

had two bacon -wrapped hot dogs from the street vendor outside, so we all had a

crazy night.

Well, we should get going.

Bye, Riley.

Awesome Halloween.

Boy, Gabe's girlfriend's a real psycho, right?