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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,305 --> 00:00:02,128 Okay, we're in second. 2 00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:04,735 Hands at 10 and 2. You keep it nice and straight 3 00:00:04,736 --> 00:00:05,935 till we get a little bit of speed. 4 00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:07,136 I got this. Relax. 5 00:00:07,138 --> 00:00:08,705 Okay, just listen, all right? 6 00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:11,174 Then you take your foot off the clutch when I say so, 7 00:00:11,176 --> 00:00:12,279 - and you're gonna hear it start. - Then I turn. 8 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,646 No, you just... no, you step on the brake, okay? 9 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,515 And we come to a nice, gentle stop. 10 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,716 - When do I turn? - You don't turn. 11 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,384 - I'm a good Turner. - That's... 12 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,653 hey, make sure he understands exactly what you're saying. 13 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,255 Babe, I got this. Relax. 14 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,923 Sorry. Sorry. 15 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,226 Delilah, sweetie, let's get out of the road. 16 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,760 This is an active highway. 17 00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:34,066 All right, come on no. Let's get some. 18 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:38,503 Ready? Count of three. One, two, three. 19 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,674 Ugh, it's not going anywhere! 20 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,042 I really feel like I should be steering. 21 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,312 Nope. I need you pushing... harder. 22 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,696 - You're so quick to give up on pushing. - Excuse me? 23 00:00:49,696 --> 00:00:51,676 I guess that's why we weren't born vaginally. 24 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,843 Well, you have a perfectly shaped head, so you're welcome. 25 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,679 - What the... - All right. 26 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,380 Are you stepping on the brake or something? 27 00:00:57,382 --> 00:01:00,417 - Yep, nice and hard. - Ugh. Why would you do that?! 28 00:01:00,419 --> 00:01:02,519 - You said to. - I said after you started. 29 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:05,422 - I'm trying my best. - That's the disappointing part, Honey. 30 00:01:05,424 --> 00:01:07,057 - Baby. - Sorry. 31 00:01:07,059 --> 00:01:09,125 - What? - Okay, we're good. 32 00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:11,127 - So A.M. or F.M.? - No, no radio. 33 00:01:11,129 --> 00:01:13,697 10 and 2. Clutch. Okay? When I say, pop it. 34 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,898 - Pop. - Pop it. 35 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,099 - Pop it. - You got this. 36 00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:17,499 Clutch. 37 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,799 All right, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. 38 00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:22,002 - Got it? - Yep. Whoo! 39 00:01:22,004 --> 00:01:24,728 Yeah! 40 00:01:25,072 --> 00:01:27,641 Now we're cooking without gas. 41 00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:29,843 - All right, pop it! - What? 42 00:01:29,845 --> 00:01:31,745 - Pop the clutch! - Which one's the clutch? 43 00:01:31,747 --> 00:01:33,580 The one your foot is on! 44 00:01:33,582 --> 00:01:35,783 Yeah! All right! Yes! 45 00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,451 I knew it would work! Okay, nice, easy brake! 46 00:01:37,453 --> 00:01:39,253 - What? - No, that's the gas! 47 00:01:39,255 --> 00:01:40,754 - What?! - Gas! 48 00:01:40,756 --> 00:01:42,323 Oh, god, he's drifting. Turn, turn it! 49 00:01:42,325 --> 00:01:44,391 - No! Brake! - Turn, no brake? 50 00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:45,926 - Brake! - Turn it! 51 00:01:45,928 --> 00:01:48,028 Brake! 52 00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:49,496 Jared! Oh, my god! 53 00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:56,904 This is the best vacation ever! 54 00:02:09,884 --> 00:02:12,119 Okay, guys, let's jackets on, jackets on. 55 00:02:12,121 --> 00:02:13,520 Jackets on. Switch the arm. 56 00:02:13,522 --> 00:02:15,328 I think I'm gonna take half a sleeping pill. 57 00:02:15,353 --> 00:02:18,020 Sounds great. Everybody can have a nice, long nap in the car. 58 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:20,811 Yeah, you know, I just wanna fall asleep on the plane 59 00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,202 and wake up on the beach. 60 00:02:22,204 --> 00:02:23,508 Are you sure your sister's up for this? 61 00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:25,105 Yeah, she's just watching the cat 62 00:02:25,107 --> 00:02:26,247 and making sure the house doesn't burn down. 63 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,048 I'm a mess. 64 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,416 Yeah, no shit. 65 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,151 You can leave Noonie with me. 66 00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:34,504 I swear, she'll be safe. 67 00:02:34,506 --> 00:02:36,306 I'm not even sure what she said. 68 00:02:36,308 --> 00:02:38,474 She's more responsible than she looks. 69 00:02:39,298 --> 00:02:42,654 Just call me if you have any questions, okay? 70 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:45,913 Please don't kill her. 71 00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:47,507 I love you, little bunny. 72 00:02:47,509 --> 00:02:48,709 Bye. 73 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,110 Why are we taking blue thunder? 74 00:02:50,112 --> 00:02:51,712 - It's our trip car. - We're going to the airport. 75 00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,867 - Yeah, that's a trip. - It's got a bad starter motor. 76 00:02:53,892 --> 00:02:55,572 Hey, I'll stat her motor. 77 00:02:55,597 --> 00:02:58,218 No. 3 in the morning. So not in the mood. 78 00:02:58,296 --> 00:03:00,230 Sorry. I'm just... I'm really tired. Okay. 79 00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:02,094 But I promise, we're gonna do it at least twice. 80 00:03:02,119 --> 00:03:03,318 - Wow. - Yeah. 81 00:03:03,343 --> 00:03:04,542 Twice. 82 00:03:19,717 --> 00:03:21,618 Whatchu doing there? 83 00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,257 Whatchu doing there? 84 00:03:27,259 --> 00:03:29,959 - What? - Whatchu doing there? 85 00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,597 What time is your father... Nate? Nate? 86 00:03:34,597 --> 00:03:35,796 - What... - Hey. 87 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,064 Hey. What's going on? 88 00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:38,632 No, no, no. Go back to sleep. It's fine. 89 00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:39,835 Is that Punxsutawney Phil? 90 00:03:39,835 --> 00:03:41,568 Yeah, that looks, uh, like him. Yeah, yeah. 91 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,437 I had to get gas, and the G.P.S. said 92 00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,072 the highway one was open, 93 00:03:45,074 --> 00:03:46,774 but I wasn't, so I had to keep driving. 94 00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:48,709 Why are we in Penis-lavania? 95 00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:51,111 It's Pennsylvania, you illiterate. 96 00:03:52,748 --> 00:03:54,181 No, no, come on, come on, come on. 97 00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:56,350 No, get back in the car. Back in... 98 00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:58,152 Come on, come on. What are you doing? 99 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,187 - She's pissed. - Baby, baby, baby, baby. 100 00:04:00,189 --> 00:04:03,290 Tell me why I'm not on a plane right now. 101 00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,405 Can we please just get back in the car and talk about this, 102 00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:06,673 - please? - No, I'm trying to catch you.. 103 00:04:06,675 --> 00:04:07,466 Did you change the whole thing on me? 104 00:04:07,467 --> 00:04:08,901 Are we still going to Florida? What's happening? 105 00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:09,854 Yeah, of course we're going to Florida. 106 00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:12,142 - We're just driving. - But you didn't think to tell me that? 107 00:04:12,142 --> 00:04:13,675 - You fell asleep. - But we had plane tickets. 108 00:04:14,978 --> 00:04:17,166 There's more pumps. Just go around! 109 00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:19,708 Thanks so much. Thank you. 110 00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:22,511 - Truckers, right? - Whatchu doing there? 111 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:23,531 Sorry, what? 112 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,763 Whatchu doing there? 113 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,498 That made less sense. What? 114 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,868 Let's just go. Come on. 115 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,170 Babe, Babe, Babe, Babe, where are the plane tickets? 116 00:04:31,172 --> 00:04:32,471 - Hmm? - The... where are the plane tickets? 117 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,006 Okay, look, you were the one whose schedule 118 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:34,616 was up in the air, right? 119 00:04:34,616 --> 00:04:36,249 You made me buy the refundable tickets, 120 00:04:36,251 --> 00:04:39,454 which we can't afford... So I-I refunded them. 121 00:04:39,454 --> 00:04:41,387 Oh, my god. Oh, my go. So you get the refundable tickets. 122 00:04:41,388 --> 00:04:42,821 Oh, my god! Oh, my go! We can't afford refundable tickets! 123 00:04:42,823 --> 00:04:44,422 I thought we retired "impulsive Nate." 124 00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:46,391 I thought about this a lot, okay? 125 00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:48,417 And I made a necessary financial decision. 126 00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:49,330 So you're the decider now. 127 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,225 You don't talk to me about things. 128 00:04:50,226 --> 00:04:52,294 We don't discuss thins anymore. 129 00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:53,562 Whatchu doin' there? 130 00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:54,930 Can we please just get back in the car? 131 00:04:54,932 --> 00:04:57,315 - We'll talk. We'll talk. - Whatchu doin' there? 132 00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:01,042 Yes, exactly. What am I doing here? 133 00:05:01,044 --> 00:05:03,511 - Ugh. - I... 134 00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:10,051 All right. Ha ha. 135 00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:13,154 Whoo! Road trip! 136 00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:14,789 Yeah! 137 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,925 Here we go. Here we go! 138 00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:38,979 Jared, what do we got for breakfast, huh? 139 00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:39,674 Give me options. 140 00:05:39,675 --> 00:05:41,840 Um, Banana Creamery. 141 00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:44,296 Says it's the best shake joint in the county. 142 00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:46,365 Ice cream for breakfast sounds like vacation to me, 143 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,200 - What do you say, Duper D? - Whatevs. 144 00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:50,060 Something's going on. 145 00:05:50,061 --> 00:05:52,060 - Are you having a mid-life crisis? - No. 146 00:05:52,062 --> 00:05:53,439 Do you have a new wife? A secret wife. 147 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,374 - I... well, she's not a secret anymore. - No. Is she pretty? 148 00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,009 - She's younger. - Not what I asked. 149 00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,644 She's beautiful, actually. No. 150 00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:00,546 Yes. No, no, no, she's... 151 00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,848 Oh, my god! What is this guy's problem? 152 00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:04,750 Pennsylvania drivers... they're the worst! 153 00:06:04,752 --> 00:06:06,051 You know, I tried to figure out 154 00:06:06,053 --> 00:06:07,486 a way to not go through Pennsylvania. 155 00:06:07,488 --> 00:06:09,788 Like on an airplane? 156 00:06:11,935 --> 00:06:14,304 Who's up for a game of accents, huh? 157 00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:15,150 From down under. Huh.. 158 00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,817 - That's the hardest one for me. - I know. That's why I chose it. 159 00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:20,141 Come on now. Momsy, I know you love it. 160 00:06:20,282 --> 00:06:21,554 I didgeridoo. 161 00:06:21,556 --> 00:06:22,956 Oh, there she is. There's Momsy. 162 00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:25,391 I am wonderin', though, if maybe Daddy hasn't 163 00:06:25,393 --> 00:06:27,293 lost his marbles. 164 00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:29,673 Well, this game backfired on me, but we're in luck. 165 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,941 There's the Banana Creamery. Get excited. Whoo! 166 00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,142 - Whoo! - Whoo! 167 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,144 - Whoo! - Banana! 168 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,515 What kind of ice cream place is this? 169 00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:43,018 Adrian P. says the cherries are poppin'. 170 00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,319 Hey, if the truckers eat here, 171 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,458 you know it's gonna be good. 172 00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:47,596 Well, truckers also urinate in empty jugs 173 00:06:47,621 --> 00:06:48,882 and then fling them at hitchhikers. 174 00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:50,117 - I don't think they do that. - That's awesome! 175 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,734 Can I be a trucker when I grow up? 176 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,720 Yeah, you can be whatever you want when you grow up. 177 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,517 How about an orthodontist? 178 00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,020 This is gonna be great. How great is this? 179 00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:57,288 When do we ever get to do this? 180 00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,156 Kids! Can you wait, please? 181 00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:00,558 I'm going to the bathroom! 182 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,460 See? They're always running away from us. 183 00:07:02,462 --> 00:07:04,929 This is our chance to dial in, connect as a family. 184 00:07:04,931 --> 00:07:06,597 - Okay. - Become better parents. 185 00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:08,538 Okay, look, you feel like you need to speak in cliches' 186 00:07:08,563 --> 00:07:10,763 to justify what you did, that's great. That's fine. 187 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,231 But you know what? Just for the record, 188 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,371 we're great parents. 189 00:07:34,426 --> 00:07:36,159 what kind of a milkshake place was that?! 190 00:07:36,161 --> 00:07:38,028 Um... 191 00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:40,107 Uh... Uh... 192 00:07:41,289 --> 00:07:43,940 Banana Creamery? Are you kidding me with this? 193 00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,231 Well, I didn't pick it. 194 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:46,833 Why did all those girls have wedgies? 195 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,733 But I should've noticed the banana spanking the girl. 196 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,969 Hey! I got child protective services on speed dial. 197 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,804 - Do I need to use it? - No. 198 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,606 Oh, god. Where's Delilah? 199 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,114 You gotta be kidding me. 200 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,150 I can't believe you're making me pay a cover for this. 201 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,174 Bathrooms are for paying customers only. 202 00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:09,443 I mean, with a name like this, it must happen all the time. 203 00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,426 Not really. 204 00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:13,243 What is this? A 30% service fee? 205 00:08:13,268 --> 00:08:14,352 That's not legal. 206 00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:17,055 That's standard... I-I've heard. 207 00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:19,290 # But I'm the one... # 208 00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:28,333 # I'm the one who makes you feel alive # 209 00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:32,337 Excuse me? Excuse me, Miss? 210 00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,305 Are one of you girls using the toilet stall 211 00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:35,740 as a babysitter again? 212 00:08:35,742 --> 00:08:37,342 'Cause if so, Donnie's gonna flip. 213 00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:38,762 I just really need my mom. 214 00:08:38,763 --> 00:08:40,161 Baby, girl, we all do. 215 00:08:40,164 --> 00:08:42,198 I think I got my period. 216 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,366 Okay, what's your mom's name? 217 00:08:44,368 --> 00:08:46,735 - Robin. - Do you know her stage name? 218 00:08:46,737 --> 00:08:48,537 Mommy? 219 00:08:51,742 --> 00:08:53,943 You're a mean person. 220 00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:56,268 Friendly reminder... don't touch the girls. 221 00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:58,936 "If you'd like naked women, this place has naked women." 222 00:08:58,961 --> 00:09:00,915 - Why didn't you red that one? - I thought it was a joke. 223 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,079 Why would a milkshake place have naked women? 224 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,962 "Girl popped a bottle of champagne with her a-s-s." 225 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,029 My god, man, you don't have to be Colombo 226 00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:09,552 to figure out this isn't an ice cream place. 227 00:09:09,552 --> 00:09:10,985 I'm not Colombo, okay? 228 00:09:10,987 --> 00:09:13,121 I'm not gonna discover America. 229 00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:15,468 I just wanna get back inside and get an ice cream. 230 00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:16,768 - No! - Why?! 231 00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:18,436 Because you're not old enough for this... 232 00:09:18,438 --> 00:09:21,105 Particular flavor of sadness. 233 00:09:22,642 --> 00:09:24,208 You guys got rocky road? 234 00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:27,011 Actually, I think she works over at Chubby's now. 235 00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:28,612 I'm not explaining that. 236 00:09:28,613 --> 00:09:33,515 # set it off, set it off, set it off # 237 00:09:33,517 --> 00:09:35,617 So every 28 days, it comes like clockwork, 238 00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:38,420 - if you're regular... - Delilah, sweetie, oh, my god. 239 00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,869 Honey, are you okay? What are you doing here? 240 00:09:41,922 --> 00:09:42,724 What's going on? 241 00:09:42,726 --> 00:09:44,292 It's cool. She got her menses, 242 00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,861 but don't worry. She handled it like a pro. 243 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:49,564 Oh, I'm so sorry. 244 00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:51,332 I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. 245 00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:53,735 - It's okay. - Oh. 246 00:09:53,737 --> 00:09:55,874 Don't worry. We showed her the ropes. 247 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,133 Oh, well, thank you so much. What's your name? 248 00:09:58,135 --> 00:09:59,205 Vagabondage. 249 00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:01,331 Well, thank you... Andrea. 250 00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,999 - Vagandrea with a "V." - That's what I thought you said. 251 00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:05,900 Excuse me. There's no girls out on the dance floor. 252 00:10:05,902 --> 00:10:07,802 - You think I can... - Slow your roll, Marty Ray. 253 00:10:07,804 --> 00:10:08,845 We're having a moment here. 254 00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:10,478 Yeah, raincoater... [bleep] off. 255 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,813 Nope. Let's go. Time to go. 256 00:10:12,815 --> 00:10:14,815 Thank you so much. Thanks so much. 257 00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:16,917 Bye! ...Come in here and talking about... 258 00:10:16,919 --> 00:10:18,519 Hey, what's wrong? What happened? 259 00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:21,055 Can we just not talk about it, please? It's fine. 260 00:10:21,057 --> 00:10:22,923 Tell me everything you saw in there. 261 00:10:22,925 --> 00:10:24,125 How many boobs did you see? 262 00:10:24,127 --> 00:10:25,993 I don't know. 57. 263 00:10:25,995 --> 00:10:28,629 Your daughter has, um, well... 264 00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:33,167 She's a... She's entering a new phase in her life. 265 00:10:33,169 --> 00:10:35,603 What? She got her... 266 00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:38,239 She... Super D, you got your P... 267 00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:42,043 in... in there? That's... So unfortunate. 268 00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:44,278 - But wow. - Got her what? 269 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,680 Congratulations. 270 00:10:45,682 --> 00:10:47,615 For what? Why doesn't anyone tell me anything? 271 00:10:47,617 --> 00:10:49,617 My baby can have babies now. 272 00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:51,385 I mean, don't you go having babies. 273 00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:52,887 Good luck trying to find some sucker 274 00:10:52,889 --> 00:10:55,690 who wants to hatch the eggs in that ugly forehead, huh? 275 00:10:55,692 --> 00:10:57,078 What? 276 00:10:57,079 --> 00:10:59,671 I said, try finding a dude who wants to grapple 277 00:10:59,672 --> 00:11:02,505 with this old baby hatch. Ow. 278 00:11:02,507 --> 00:11:04,207 Do you not know where babies come from? 279 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:04,767 Yeah, I do. 280 00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:06,443 I thought you said you explained this to him. 281 00:11:06,444 --> 00:11:08,578 I did. I did. You said you knew. 282 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,380 I do. Toddy down the street told me. 283 00:11:10,382 --> 00:11:11,313 Toddy's 7! 284 00:11:11,313 --> 00:11:13,817 Guy's cool. He's got his own trampoline. 285 00:11:13,818 --> 00:11:16,819 Playa sit drops like a boss, like six in a row. 286 00:11:16,821 --> 00:11:18,821 What are you talking about? 287 00:11:18,823 --> 00:11:20,957 - What? Toddy talks like that. - Can we please just leave? 288 00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,659 Yes. Give me the keys. I'll drive. 289 00:11:22,661 --> 00:11:23,927 - Let's go. Let's go. - All right. 290 00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:25,795 - Let's go. Come on. - Hold up, you guys. 291 00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:27,997 Threw together a little care package for you... 292 00:11:27,999 --> 00:11:29,499 a few womanly essentials. 293 00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:31,734 Got you some lip balm, some O.T.C. painkillers. 294 00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:34,270 Wipes, more wipes, 295 00:11:34,272 --> 00:11:37,006 some scented sprays to keep the undercarriage in order. 296 00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:38,808 This one smells like bubble gum. 297 00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,843 This one's bubble gum with glitter. 298 00:11:40,845 --> 00:11:41,898 - Okay. - Now this one smells like... 299 00:11:41,899 --> 00:11:43,466 I will take that. I'll just take that. Thank you. 300 00:11:43,468 --> 00:11:44,968 - Careful. The cap's loose. - Oh, it is loose. 301 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,437 Can I see you pop a bottle of champagne 302 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,039 - with your ass? - What? No. 303 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,373 No. No. 304 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,242 - I am so sorry about that. - What? 305 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,444 Y'all are terrible parents. 306 00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:56,045 Makes me glad I never knew mine. 307 00:11:56,046 --> 00:11:58,278 Do we owe you money, by any chance? 308 00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:04,686 I'm just thinking out loud here, 309 00:12:04,688 --> 00:12:07,021 but we've gotten off to a really rough start. 310 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,921 I mean, should we even be going on this trip? 311 00:12:08,923 --> 00:12:10,323 What? Why? What do you mean? 312 00:12:10,325 --> 00:12:11,598 The kids have been looking forward to this. 313 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,980 - Have they? - Yes. Of course. 314 00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:16,333 You didn't even wanna go till you found out Chaz 315 00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,235 is gonna stay in the same resort as us. 316 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,605 Right, like you weren't all, "see you there, Chaz! 317 00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:25,342 Let's grab some waves in Fort Liquordale, Chaz." 318 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,210 Hey, can we, uh, be quiet there in the back? 319 00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:29,037 I'm trying to talk to your dad about this. 320 00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:31,056 I don't know if I'm prepared for 20 more hours of this. 321 00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:31,740 It's only 17. 322 00:12:31,742 --> 00:12:33,508 The car reeks from the kindness of strippers, 323 00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:34,977 - don't you think? - They're dancers. 324 00:12:34,979 --> 00:12:37,947 - Don't shame sex trader worker. - See that? 325 00:12:37,949 --> 00:12:39,415 - I did not pick that restaurant. - No. 326 00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:41,050 I wanna go flamingo fishing. 327 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,586 - You don't fish for flamingos. - Yeah, you do. Toddy told me. 328 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,354 Toddy's an idiot. Why do you listen to him? 329 00:12:45,356 --> 00:12:46,956 He says he's the oracle. 330 00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:48,924 That's what an idiot would say! 331 00:12:48,926 --> 00:12:51,060 Guys, please, we're having a discussion. 332 00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:53,429 The grownups are having a discussion, okay? 333 00:12:53,431 --> 00:12:55,031 - Just relax. - Telling me to relax 334 00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:57,566 is the least relaxing thing you can do right now. 335 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,968 I know. You're just being a little harsh with them. 336 00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:00,336 I'm not mad at them. 337 00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:02,271 This is kidnapping. 338 00:13:02,273 --> 00:13:04,573 Give me the marker. 339 00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,811 There's a flying J on 13. 340 00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:09,984 Wonder if they have that double nozzle 341 00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:11,485 - in the shower. - Oh, yes, they do. 342 00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:15,824 Jerry, oh, my god. Look. 343 00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:17,958 - _ - What are we gonna do? 344 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,574 Okay, get County Mountie on the blower. 345 00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,874 I'm gonna drop back and follow 'em. 346 00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:25,155 Breaker 1-9, 10-37 in progress. 347 00:13:25,156 --> 00:13:27,023 We've got a situation on route 7. 348 00:13:27,025 --> 00:13:28,391 Bring it back. 349 00:13:28,393 --> 00:13:30,426 That's a big 10-4, Ginger Drapes. 350 00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,865 I just don't think we should make any rash decisions 351 00:13:37,865 --> 00:13:39,198 on an empty stomach, okay? 352 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,970 You know, let's stop and get a bite to eat 353 00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,994 - at an actual restaurant... - Go around me. 354 00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:45,216 Go around. There's plenty of room. 355 00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:47,801 God. Truckers. Go around! 356 00:13:47,999 --> 00:13:49,198 It's fine. 357 00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:54,649 Wait. Where are you going? This is not the way. 358 00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,451 - We go straight. - He's following us. 359 00:13:56,453 --> 00:13:58,886 He's not following. Why would anyone wanna follow us? 360 00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,588 I don't know. To carjack us. 361 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,290 Rifle through our bags and steal our jewelry, perhaps. 362 00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:04,158 Why would you even bring the good jewelry? 363 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,626 I told you not to bring the good jewelry. 364 00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,862 And I told you I wanted to fly. 365 00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:12,811 Call 9-1-1, Jared. 366 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:15,333 Um, what's the number? 367 00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:17,711 How is that my job to teach him that? 368 00:14:17,736 --> 00:14:20,370 Your job was police and stranger danger stuff. 369 00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,610 Ah, I got no bars. Neither do I. 370 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,878 That's okay. I'm gonna shake him. 371 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,680 That's your shake move? Pull over? 372 00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:26,981 Don't stop. 373 00:14:26,983 --> 00:14:28,716 Sorry! I don't know what else to do. 374 00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,184 Kids, get down, get down. 375 00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:31,886 Mommy's not gonna let anything bad happen to you. 376 00:14:31,888 --> 00:14:33,021 Okay, I'm gonna find out what the hell this guy wants. 377 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,204 Okay, but be careful. I love you. 378 00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:35,703 - I love you. - Oh! 379 00:14:35,705 --> 00:14:37,972 And I'm sorry I lied to you. That was so stupid. 380 00:14:37,974 --> 00:14:40,808 - It really was. Yeah. - Okay. 381 00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,777 - All right. - Okay. 382 00:14:42,779 --> 00:14:44,775 All right. Hey! 383 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:45,973 - Easy, sweetie. - I got you, baby. 384 00:14:45,974 --> 00:14:47,318 Just so you know, the police have been called! 385 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,300 We called the police, and they're on their way! 386 00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:51,480 No, we called them... On you! 387 00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:52,482 We got your plates! 388 00:14:52,482 --> 00:14:54,716 - We got your plate! - What? 389 00:14:54,718 --> 00:14:56,727 Just tell 'em it was a joke, like a goof. 390 00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:59,638 I'm pretty sure this particular goof is a federal crime. 391 00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:01,239 - What do you want from us?! - Babe, I got this. Relax. 392 00:15:01,241 --> 00:15:02,807 Would you please stop telling me to relax? 393 00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:04,342 I'm just trying to control the situation out here, baby. 394 00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:06,010 So, so condescending no matter what the situation is. 395 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,712 Okay, stranger danger... my thing, right? 396 00:15:07,714 --> 00:15:09,747 - Okay, fine, then take care of it. - Okay, hey! 397 00:15:09,749 --> 00:15:11,716 - What do you want from us?! - Give us the children! 398 00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,117 - What? - What? 399 00:15:13,119 --> 00:15:13,844 The kids! 400 00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:16,672 Give us the kids, and nobody gets hurt! 401 00:15:16,672 --> 00:15:18,339 - Oh, shit. All right. - Oh, god. Okay. 402 00:15:18,341 --> 00:15:19,807 All right, you want somebody? 403 00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:21,175 All right, kids, listen to me. Listen to me. 404 00:15:21,177 --> 00:15:23,243 On my signal, I want you to run into the woods. 405 00:15:23,245 --> 00:15:24,478 Run as fast as you can, okay? 406 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,013 I love you. I love you so, so much. 407 00:15:30,819 --> 00:15:32,586 Come on, pal. Come on, huh? 408 00:15:32,588 --> 00:15:34,555 Who's the tough guy? Give you some of that! 409 00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:36,056 Don't! Hey! Hey! 410 00:15:36,058 --> 00:15:38,092 You step back in that truck, and you drive away right now! 411 00:15:38,094 --> 00:15:40,594 I'm afraid I can't do that, sir, not until I have those kids. 412 00:15:40,596 --> 00:15:42,663 All right, guys, we're getting the hell out of here. 413 00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:44,164 I got a purple belt in taking names and kicking ass! 414 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,366 - Nate! - What? 415 00:15:45,368 --> 00:15:46,567 - I got it! - What? 416 00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:47,835 Get in! 417 00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:49,636 - Don't let 'em get away. - Open the door! 418 00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:51,105 - Go around! - Open the door! 419 00:15:51,107 --> 00:15:52,473 Go around! Get... go... 420 00:15:52,475 --> 00:15:53,674 there's a truck! There's a truck! 421 00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,112 - Oh, my god. - That's Pete. 422 00:15:58,114 --> 00:15:59,813 Oh! He's got a go! 423 00:15:59,815 --> 00:16:01,048 Quick, get down, get down, get down. 424 00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:04,651 I blocked 'em in, Jer! 425 00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:06,920 It's fine. It's a flare gun! 426 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,355 I think they might really take us! 427 00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:09,623 I don't wanna live with truckers! 428 00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:11,959 They use jugs as bathrooms. 429 00:16:11,961 --> 00:16:14,061 Guys, come on. Come with me. 430 00:16:14,063 --> 00:16:16,163 Okay, I love you. I love you. 431 00:16:16,165 --> 00:16:18,899 - Little boy, you can trust us. - Yeah, she's a former marine, 432 00:16:18,901 --> 00:16:20,534 and she's a volunteer firefighter. 433 00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,802 You are not taking our children! 434 00:16:21,804 --> 00:16:23,003 Those aren't your kids! 435 00:16:23,005 --> 00:16:25,139 What? What are you talking about?! 436 00:16:25,141 --> 00:16:28,242 I don't know, but you stay away from my family! 437 00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:30,077 Ohh! 438 00:16:33,249 --> 00:16:34,448 What is that... ohh! 439 00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:37,751 Oh, god! 440 00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,856 What is wrong with truckers?! 441 00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:44,391 There's more where that came from! 442 00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:46,026 Stop! It's our fault! We did it! 443 00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,661 These are really our parents! 444 00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:51,331 Yeah, it was a joke! Don't take us! 445 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,766 What the is that?! 446 00:16:52,768 --> 00:16:56,570 - Who are you?! - What is wrong with you?! 447 00:16:56,572 --> 00:16:57,771 She did I! 448 00:16:57,773 --> 00:16:59,573 I'm sorry. I'm on my period. 449 00:16:59,575 --> 00:17:01,708 Oh, god. Oh, my... 450 00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:05,145 That is a mix-up to end all mix-ups, huh? 451 00:17:05,147 --> 00:17:07,347 Oh, my god. And you fell for it. 452 00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:11,230 That's... And now I'm cov... but that's on us. That's on us. 453 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,763 Listen, I'm sorry. As you can see, 454 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,233 they're actually really our kids. 455 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,467 - Prove it. - Oh, yeah. No, I don't think... 456 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,370 I don't think you can do that. It's... just... they're ours. 457 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:19,538 - They came outta her. - Yeah. 458 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,567 Yeah, he planted the seeds in her forehead, 459 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,333 and then the eggs grew and ate the seeds, 460 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,002 then the seeds split into two, 461 00:17:25,004 --> 00:17:27,738 and then they popped out of her tummy scar 12 years later, so... 462 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:30,207 Son? These people drug you? 463 00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:31,708 No, but my mom takes drugs. 464 00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:34,029 No, no, no. It's half... half a sleeping pill. 465 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:35,055 It's not... it's not really drugs. 466 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,254 Folks, do you... do you have kids? 467 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,101 Why? Do you wanna abduct them, too? 468 00:17:38,102 --> 00:17:39,200 God, no. God, no. 469 00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:41,904 No, we have enough. Uh, if... if you had kids, 470 00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:43,757 you'd know they do stupid things all the time, 471 00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:44,987 and you're left to clean up the mess. 472 00:17:44,988 --> 00:17:47,521 What do you mean, we do stupid things? 473 00:17:47,523 --> 00:17:49,619 You are the king of stupid things! 474 00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,447 Hold on. Do you think right now is really the time 475 00:17:51,447 --> 00:17:53,380 - to hash that out, young lady? - Yeah, I do. 476 00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:55,094 'Cause you get us all excited to go 477 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,785 on this awesome beach vacation in Fort Lauderdale, 478 00:17:56,787 --> 00:17:58,616 and then you just stick us in the stupid car! 479 00:17:58,616 --> 00:18:01,200 This was a financial decision we made, honey. 480 00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:01,826 Together. 481 00:18:01,851 --> 00:18:03,439 And then you take us to a milkshake joint 482 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,073 that has no milkshakes and show us some naked boobs 483 00:18:06,075 --> 00:18:07,279 and then drag us out. 484 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,345 That's... Not in context. 485 00:18:11,347 --> 00:18:13,314 Uh... 486 00:18:13,316 --> 00:18:14,984 We're sorry for the, uh, mix-up. 487 00:18:14,984 --> 00:18:16,384 No, that's... No! Oh, god, no, please. 488 00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:18,084 That's on us. Thank you. 489 00:18:18,086 --> 00:18:20,020 Honey, I was saying earlier, truckers are the nicest people. 490 00:18:20,022 --> 00:18:21,821 That was a quote. That's a quote. Good people. 491 00:18:21,823 --> 00:18:25,091 Well, I mean, it's not like we think you're terrible parents. 492 00:18:25,093 --> 00:18:27,027 Mm. But, um... 493 00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:29,417 - Yeah. - Well, thank you. 494 00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:30,684 - That's not a compliment. - No. 495 00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:32,919 Oh. 496 00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:42,430 Okay. Democracy rules. 497 00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:44,132 Everybody gets a vote this time. 498 00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,500 Do we go north or south? 499 00:18:45,502 --> 00:18:47,068 Do we cut our losses, go back home? 500 00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:49,804 Or do we drive hard and have six full days on the beach? 501 00:18:49,806 --> 00:18:52,006 Like a bird of winter, we fly north to the beach. 502 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,275 I really should have absorbed you in utero. 503 00:18:54,277 --> 00:18:55,743 We vote south. 504 00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:57,111 - Babe? - Hmm? 505 00:18:57,113 --> 00:18:58,679 Yeah, sure. 506 00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:00,848 Just know I know there's something 507 00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:03,885 you're still not telling me. 508 00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:07,223 You're fired. 509 00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:10,192 There's no need for a perp walk, all right? 510 00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:12,494 It's called trying to save the company, you dicks! 511 00:19:12,496 --> 00:19:15,597 That's my stuff! That's my stuff. 512 00:19:19,728 --> 00:19:21,859 I don't know what you're talking about. 513 00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:24,072 Okay. 514 00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:26,708 Now let's get the hell out of Penis-lavania, huh? 515 00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:28,643 - Told you it's called that. - Shut up. 516 00:19:34,684 --> 00:19:35,484 Let's go. 517 00:19:35,486 --> 00:19:37,219 Hold up. 518 00:19:37,221 --> 00:19:39,287 It's fine. It happened the other day. 519 00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:41,289 I just have to get out and give it a little push. Can I steer? 520 00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:43,480 Teach my boy how to drive on a family vacation? 521 00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:45,927 Sounds like we're about to make some memories. 522 00:19:45,929 --> 00:19:48,514 Yeah. Whoo! Go on. Get some! 523 00:19:48,515 --> 00:19:50,716 The car still works. It's just in a ditch. 524 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,240 We're still gonna have five and a half solid days 525 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,507 - at the beach. - Are we bad parent? 526 00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,675 What? No. 527 00:19:56,677 --> 00:19:58,277 The fact that you would even ask that question 528 00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,145 makes you a great parent. 529 00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:01,713 - Okay. - You're the best. 530 00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:04,650 Well.. Well... Close. 531 00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:08,303 And it's not our fault that he's such a shitty driver. 532 00:20:08,303 --> 00:20:09,569 Well, he's only 11, so... 533 00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:11,938 Still pretty shitty. Yeah. Yea. 534 00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,541 All right, guys, let's saddle up, huh? 535 00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:18,244 - Grab a bag. - Going for a hike. 536 00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:20,347 Come on, get some! 537 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,615 Look at that sunset. 538 00:20:22,617 --> 00:20:24,017 You're not gonna see that from a plane. 539 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:27,270 No, an airplane is pretty much the best place 540 00:20:27,302 --> 00:20:28,221 to see a sunset, 541 00:20:28,223 --> 00:20:30,123 but keep selling me on the road trip. 542 00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:31,825 Another game of accents? 543 00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:33,126 Maybe from the Highlands of Scotland? 544 00:20:33,128 --> 00:20:34,594 Aye, 545 00:20:34,596 --> 00:20:36,586 now there's an accent I can do. 546 00:20:36,587 --> 00:20:38,419 You sound more like a pirate. 547 00:20:38,421 --> 00:20:40,754 Yeah, right, like she can fly a plane. 548 00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:43,657 Sounds like someone needs a hearing aid. 549 00:20:46,186 --> 00:20:47,919 So that's pretty much the story. 550 00:20:48,065 --> 00:20:49,632 You know, it was a bumpy start for sure, 551 00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:52,895 but, uh, couple of days later, we were on the beach, 552 00:20:52,895 --> 00:20:55,830 and we were all a little closer because of it. 553 00:20:55,832 --> 00:20:59,133 Oh, cut it with the "we all learned a lot" bullshit. 554 00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:00,868 This isn't a good-natured exposé 555 00:21:00,870 --> 00:21:02,036 on the inner workings 556 00:21:02,038 --> 00:21:04,179 of the modern family dynamic, Mr. Parker. 557 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,780 This is a federal investigation. 558 00:21:07,782 --> 00:21:09,482 Now I want details. 559 00:21:09,484 --> 00:21:11,947 Um... What exactly is going on here? 560 00:21:11,948 --> 00:21:14,615 - Do I need a lawyer? - I don't know. Do you? 561 00:21:14,617 --> 00:21:16,083 I don't know. I just asked you that question, 562 00:21:16,085 --> 00:21:17,851 and you just answered my question 563 00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:20,387 - with another question. - Did I? 564 00:21:21,856 --> 00:21:23,522 You just did it again. 565 00:21:23,546 --> 00:21:25,546 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 42094

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