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1
00:00:00,305 --> 00:00:02,128
Okay, we're in second.
2
00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:04,735
Hands at 10 and 2. You
keep it nice and straight
3
00:00:04,736 --> 00:00:05,935
till we get a little bit of speed.
4
00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:07,136
I got this. Relax.
5
00:00:07,138 --> 00:00:08,705
Okay, just listen, all right?
6
00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:11,174
Then you take your foot off
the clutch when I say so,
7
00:00:11,176 --> 00:00:12,279
- and you're gonna hear it start.
- Then I turn.
8
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,646
No, you just... no, you
step on the brake, okay?
9
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,515
And we come to a nice, gentle stop.
10
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,716
- When do I turn?
- You don't turn.
11
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,384
- I'm a good Turner.
- That's...
12
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,653
hey, make sure he understands
exactly what you're saying.
13
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,255
Babe, I got this. Relax.
14
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,923
Sorry. Sorry.
15
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,226
Delilah, sweetie, let's
get out of the road.
16
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,760
This is an active highway.
17
00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:34,066
All right, come on no. Let's get some.
18
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:38,503
Ready? Count of three. One, two, three.
19
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,674
Ugh, it's not going anywhere!
20
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,042
I really feel like I should be steering.
21
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,312
Nope. I need you pushing... harder.
22
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,696
- You're so quick to give up on pushing.
- Excuse me?
23
00:00:49,696 --> 00:00:51,676
I guess that's why we
weren't born vaginally.
24
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,843
Well, you have a perfectly
shaped head, so you're welcome.
25
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,679
- What the...
- All right.
26
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,380
Are you stepping on
the brake or something?
27
00:00:57,382 --> 00:01:00,417
- Yep, nice and hard.
- Ugh. Why would you do that?!
28
00:01:00,419 --> 00:01:02,519
- You said to.
- I said after you started.
29
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:05,422
- I'm trying my best.
- That's the disappointing part, Honey.
30
00:01:05,424 --> 00:01:07,057
- Baby.
- Sorry.
31
00:01:07,059 --> 00:01:09,125
- What?
- Okay, we're good.
32
00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:11,127
- So A.M. or F.M.?
- No, no radio.
33
00:01:11,129 --> 00:01:13,697
10 and 2. Clutch. Okay?
When I say, pop it.
34
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,898
- Pop.
- Pop it.
35
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,099
- Pop it.
- You got this.
36
00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:17,499
Clutch.
37
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,799
All right, here we go, here
we go, here we go, here we go.
38
00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:22,002
- Got it?
- Yep. Whoo!
39
00:01:22,004 --> 00:01:24,728
Yeah!
40
00:01:25,072 --> 00:01:27,641
Now we're cooking without gas.
41
00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:29,843
- All right, pop it!
- What?
42
00:01:29,845 --> 00:01:31,745
- Pop the clutch!
- Which one's the clutch?
43
00:01:31,747 --> 00:01:33,580
The one your foot is on!
44
00:01:33,582 --> 00:01:35,783
Yeah! All right! Yes!
45
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,451
I knew it would work!
Okay, nice, easy brake!
46
00:01:37,453 --> 00:01:39,253
- What?
- No, that's the gas!
47
00:01:39,255 --> 00:01:40,754
- What?!
- Gas!
48
00:01:40,756 --> 00:01:42,323
Oh, god, he's drifting. Turn, turn it!
49
00:01:42,325 --> 00:01:44,391
- No! Brake!
- Turn, no brake?
50
00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:45,926
- Brake!
- Turn it!
51
00:01:45,928 --> 00:01:48,028
Brake!
52
00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:49,496
Jared! Oh, my god!
53
00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:56,904
This is the best vacation ever!
54
00:02:09,884 --> 00:02:12,119
Okay, guys, let's
jackets on, jackets on.
55
00:02:12,121 --> 00:02:13,520
Jackets on. Switch the arm.
56
00:02:13,522 --> 00:02:15,328
I think I'm gonna take
half a sleeping pill.
57
00:02:15,353 --> 00:02:18,020
Sounds great. Everybody can
have a nice, long nap in the car.
58
00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:20,811
Yeah, you know, I just wanna
fall asleep on the plane
59
00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,202
and wake up on the beach.
60
00:02:22,204 --> 00:02:23,508
Are you sure your sister's up for this?
61
00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:25,105
Yeah, she's just watching the cat
62
00:02:25,107 --> 00:02:26,247
and making sure the
house doesn't burn down.
63
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,048
I'm a mess.
64
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,416
Yeah, no shit.
65
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,151
You can leave Noonie with me.
66
00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:34,504
I swear, she'll be safe.
67
00:02:34,506 --> 00:02:36,306
I'm not even sure what she said.
68
00:02:36,308 --> 00:02:38,474
She's more responsible than she looks.
69
00:02:39,298 --> 00:02:42,654
Just call me if you
have any questions, okay?
70
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:45,913
Please don't kill her.
71
00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:47,507
I love you, little bunny.
72
00:02:47,509 --> 00:02:48,709
Bye.
73
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,110
Why are we taking blue thunder?
74
00:02:50,112 --> 00:02:51,712
- It's our trip car.
- We're going to the airport.
75
00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,867
- Yeah, that's a trip.
- It's got a bad starter motor.
76
00:02:53,892 --> 00:02:55,572
Hey, I'll stat her motor.
77
00:02:55,597 --> 00:02:58,218
No. 3 in the morning.
So not in the mood.
78
00:02:58,296 --> 00:03:00,230
Sorry. I'm just...
I'm really tired. Okay.
79
00:03:00,232 --> 00:03:02,094
But I promise, we're
gonna do it at least twice.
80
00:03:02,119 --> 00:03:03,318
- Wow.
- Yeah.
81
00:03:03,343 --> 00:03:04,542
Twice.
82
00:03:19,717 --> 00:03:21,618
Whatchu doing there?
83
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,257
Whatchu doing there?
84
00:03:27,259 --> 00:03:29,959
- What?
- Whatchu doing there?
85
00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,597
What time is your father... Nate? Nate?
86
00:03:34,597 --> 00:03:35,796
- What...
- Hey.
87
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,064
Hey. What's going on?
88
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:38,632
No, no, no. Go back to sleep. It's fine.
89
00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:39,835
Is that Punxsutawney Phil?
90
00:03:39,835 --> 00:03:41,568
Yeah, that looks, uh,
like him. Yeah, yeah.
91
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,437
I had to get gas, and the G.P.S. said
92
00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,072
the highway one was open,
93
00:03:45,074 --> 00:03:46,774
but I wasn't, so I had to keep driving.
94
00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:48,709
Why are we in Penis-lavania?
95
00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:51,111
It's Pennsylvania, you illiterate.
96
00:03:52,748 --> 00:03:54,181
No, no, come on, come on, come on.
97
00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:56,350
No, get back in the car. Back in...
98
00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:58,152
Come on, come on. What are you doing?
99
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,187
- She's pissed.
- Baby, baby, baby, baby.
100
00:04:00,189 --> 00:04:03,290
Tell me why I'm not
on a plane right now.
101
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,405
Can we please just get back
in the car and talk about this,
102
00:04:05,407 --> 00:04:06,673
- please?
- No, I'm trying to catch you..
103
00:04:06,675 --> 00:04:07,466
Did you change the whole thing on me?
104
00:04:07,467 --> 00:04:08,901
Are we still going to
Florida? What's happening?
105
00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:09,854
Yeah, of course we're going to Florida.
106
00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:12,142
- We're just driving.
- But you didn't think to tell me that?
107
00:04:12,142 --> 00:04:13,675
- You fell asleep.
- But we had plane tickets.
108
00:04:14,978 --> 00:04:17,166
There's more pumps. Just go around!
109
00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:19,708
Thanks so much. Thank you.
110
00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:22,511
- Truckers, right?
- Whatchu doing there?
111
00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:23,531
Sorry, what?
112
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,763
Whatchu doing there?
113
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,498
That made less sense. What?
114
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,868
Let's just go. Come on.
115
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,170
Babe, Babe, Babe, Babe,
where are the plane tickets?
116
00:04:31,172 --> 00:04:32,471
- Hmm?
- The... where are the plane tickets?
117
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,006
Okay, look, you were
the one whose schedule
118
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:34,616
was up in the air, right?
119
00:04:34,616 --> 00:04:36,249
You made me buy the refundable tickets,
120
00:04:36,251 --> 00:04:39,454
which we can't afford...
So I-I refunded them.
121
00:04:39,454 --> 00:04:41,387
Oh, my god. Oh, my go. So you
get the refundable tickets.
122
00:04:41,388 --> 00:04:42,821
Oh, my god! Oh, my go! We
can't afford refundable tickets!
123
00:04:42,823 --> 00:04:44,422
I thought we retired "impulsive Nate."
124
00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:46,391
I thought about this a lot, okay?
125
00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:48,417
And I made a necessary
financial decision.
126
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:49,330
So you're the decider now.
127
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:50,225
You don't talk to me about things.
128
00:04:50,226 --> 00:04:52,294
We don't discuss thins anymore.
129
00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:53,562
Whatchu doin' there?
130
00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:54,930
Can we please just get back in the car?
131
00:04:54,932 --> 00:04:57,315
- We'll talk. We'll talk.
- Whatchu doin' there?
132
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:01,042
Yes, exactly. What am I doing here?
133
00:05:01,044 --> 00:05:03,511
- Ugh.
- I...
134
00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:10,051
All right. Ha ha.
135
00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:13,154
Whoo! Road trip!
136
00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:14,789
Yeah!
137
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,925
Here we go. Here we go!
138
00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:38,979
Jared, what do we got
for breakfast, huh?
139
00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:39,674
Give me options.
140
00:05:39,675 --> 00:05:41,840
Um, Banana Creamery.
141
00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:44,296
Says it's the best shake
joint in the county.
142
00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:46,365
Ice cream for breakfast
sounds like vacation to me,
143
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,200
- What do you say, Duper D?
- Whatevs.
144
00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:50,060
Something's going on.
145
00:05:50,061 --> 00:05:52,060
- Are you having a mid-life crisis?
- No.
146
00:05:52,062 --> 00:05:53,439
Do you have a new wife? A secret wife.
147
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,374
- I... well, she's not a secret anymore.
- No. Is she pretty?
148
00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,009
- She's younger.
- Not what I asked.
149
00:05:57,011 --> 00:05:58,644
She's beautiful, actually. No.
150
00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:00,546
Yes. No, no, no, she's...
151
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,848
Oh, my god! What is this guy's problem?
152
00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:04,750
Pennsylvania drivers...
they're the worst!
153
00:06:04,752 --> 00:06:06,051
You know, I tried to figure out
154
00:06:06,053 --> 00:06:07,486
a way to not go through Pennsylvania.
155
00:06:07,488 --> 00:06:09,788
Like on an airplane?
156
00:06:11,935 --> 00:06:14,304
Who's up for a game of accents, huh?
157
00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:15,150
From down under. Huh..
158
00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,817
- That's the hardest one for me.
- I know. That's why I chose it.
159
00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:20,141
Come on now. Momsy, I know you love it.
160
00:06:20,282 --> 00:06:21,554
I didgeridoo.
161
00:06:21,556 --> 00:06:22,956
Oh, there she is. There's Momsy.
162
00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:25,391
I am wonderin', though,
if maybe Daddy hasn't
163
00:06:25,393 --> 00:06:27,293
lost his marbles.
164
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:29,673
Well, this game backfired
on me, but we're in luck.
165
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,941
There's the Banana
Creamery. Get excited. Whoo!
166
00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:34,142
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
167
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,144
- Whoo!
- Banana!
168
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,515
What kind of ice cream place is this?
169
00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:43,018
Adrian P. says the cherries are poppin'.
170
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,319
Hey, if the truckers eat here,
171
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,458
you know it's gonna be good.
172
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:47,596
Well, truckers also
urinate in empty jugs
173
00:06:47,621 --> 00:06:48,882
and then fling them at hitchhikers.
174
00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:50,117
- I don't think they do that.
- That's awesome!
175
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,734
Can I be a trucker when I grow up?
176
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,720
Yeah, you can be whatever
you want when you grow up.
177
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,517
How about an orthodontist?
178
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:56,020
This is gonna be great.
How great is this?
179
00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:57,288
When do we ever get to do this?
180
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,156
Kids! Can you wait, please?
181
00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:00,558
I'm going to the bathroom!
182
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,460
See? They're always
running away from us.
183
00:07:02,462 --> 00:07:04,929
This is our chance to dial
in, connect as a family.
184
00:07:04,931 --> 00:07:06,597
- Okay.
- Become better parents.
185
00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:08,538
Okay, look, you feel like
you need to speak in cliches'
186
00:07:08,563 --> 00:07:10,763
to justify what you did,
that's great. That's fine.
187
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,231
But you know what? Just for the record,
188
00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,371
we're great parents.
189
00:07:34,426 --> 00:07:36,159
what kind of a milkshake
place was that?!
190
00:07:36,161 --> 00:07:38,028
Um...
191
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:40,107
Uh... Uh...
192
00:07:41,289 --> 00:07:43,940
Banana Creamery? Are
you kidding me with this?
193
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,231
Well, I didn't pick it.
194
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:46,833
Why did all those girls have wedgies?
195
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,733
But I should've noticed the
banana spanking the girl.
196
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,969
Hey! I got child protective
services on speed dial.
197
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,804
- Do I need to use it?
- No.
198
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,606
Oh, god. Where's Delilah?
199
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,114
You gotta be kidding me.
200
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,150
I can't believe you're making
me pay a cover for this.
201
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,174
Bathrooms are for paying customers only.
202
00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:09,443
I mean, with a name like this,
it must happen all the time.
203
00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,426
Not really.
204
00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:13,243
What is this? A 30% service fee?
205
00:08:13,268 --> 00:08:14,352
That's not legal.
206
00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:17,055
That's standard... I-I've heard.
207
00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:19,290
# But I'm the one... #
208
00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:28,333
# I'm the one who makes you feel alive #
209
00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:32,337
Excuse me? Excuse me, Miss?
210
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,305
Are one of you girls
using the toilet stall
211
00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:35,740
as a babysitter again?
212
00:08:35,742 --> 00:08:37,342
'Cause if so, Donnie's gonna flip.
213
00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:38,762
I just really need my mom.
214
00:08:38,763 --> 00:08:40,161
Baby, girl, we all do.
215
00:08:40,164 --> 00:08:42,198
I think I got my period.
216
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,366
Okay, what's your mom's name?
217
00:08:44,368 --> 00:08:46,735
- Robin.
- Do you know her stage name?
218
00:08:46,737 --> 00:08:48,537
Mommy?
219
00:08:51,742 --> 00:08:53,943
You're a mean person.
220
00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:56,268
Friendly reminder...
don't touch the girls.
221
00:08:56,293 --> 00:08:58,936
"If you'd like naked women,
this place has naked women."
222
00:08:58,961 --> 00:09:00,915
- Why didn't you red that one?
- I thought it was a joke.
223
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,079
Why would a milkshake
place have naked women?
224
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,962
"Girl popped a bottle of
champagne with her a-s-s."
225
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,029
My god, man, you don't
have to be Colombo
226
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:09,552
to figure out this
isn't an ice cream place.
227
00:09:09,552 --> 00:09:10,985
I'm not Colombo, okay?
228
00:09:10,987 --> 00:09:13,121
I'm not gonna discover America.
229
00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:15,468
I just wanna get back
inside and get an ice cream.
230
00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:16,768
- No!
- Why?!
231
00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:18,436
Because you're not
old enough for this...
232
00:09:18,438 --> 00:09:21,105
Particular flavor of sadness.
233
00:09:22,642 --> 00:09:24,208
You guys got rocky road?
234
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:27,011
Actually, I think she
works over at Chubby's now.
235
00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:28,612
I'm not explaining that.
236
00:09:28,613 --> 00:09:33,515
# set it off, set it off, set it off #
237
00:09:33,517 --> 00:09:35,617
So every 28 days, it
comes like clockwork,
238
00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:38,420
- if you're regular...
- Delilah, sweetie, oh, my god.
239
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,869
Honey, are you okay?
What are you doing here?
240
00:09:41,922 --> 00:09:42,724
What's going on?
241
00:09:42,726 --> 00:09:44,292
It's cool. She got her menses,
242
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,861
but don't worry. She
handled it like a pro.
243
00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:49,564
Oh, I'm so sorry.
244
00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:51,332
I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you.
245
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:53,735
- It's okay.
- Oh.
246
00:09:53,737 --> 00:09:55,874
Don't worry. We showed her the ropes.
247
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,133
Oh, well, thank you so
much. What's your name?
248
00:09:58,135 --> 00:09:59,205
Vagabondage.
249
00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:01,331
Well, thank you... Andrea.
250
00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,999
- Vagandrea with a "V."
- That's what I thought you said.
251
00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:05,900
Excuse me. There's no girls
out on the dance floor.
252
00:10:05,902 --> 00:10:07,802
- You think I can...
- Slow your roll, Marty Ray.
253
00:10:07,804 --> 00:10:08,845
We're having a moment here.
254
00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:10,478
Yeah, raincoater... [bleep] off.
255
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,813
Nope. Let's go. Time to go.
256
00:10:12,815 --> 00:10:14,815
Thank you so much. Thanks so much.
257
00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:16,917
Bye! ...Come in here
and talking about...
258
00:10:16,919 --> 00:10:18,519
Hey, what's wrong? What happened?
259
00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:21,055
Can we just not talk about
it, please? It's fine.
260
00:10:21,057 --> 00:10:22,923
Tell me everything you saw in there.
261
00:10:22,925 --> 00:10:24,125
How many boobs did you see?
262
00:10:24,127 --> 00:10:25,993
I don't know. 57.
263
00:10:25,995 --> 00:10:28,629
Your daughter has, um, well...
264
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:33,167
She's a... She's entering
a new phase in her life.
265
00:10:33,169 --> 00:10:35,603
What? She got her...
266
00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:38,239
She... Super D, you got your P...
267
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:42,043
in... in there?
That's... So unfortunate.
268
00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:44,278
- But wow.
- Got her what?
269
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,680
Congratulations.
270
00:10:45,682 --> 00:10:47,615
For what? Why doesn't
anyone tell me anything?
271
00:10:47,617 --> 00:10:49,617
My baby can have babies now.
272
00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:51,385
I mean, don't you go having babies.
273
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:52,887
Good luck trying to find some sucker
274
00:10:52,889 --> 00:10:55,690
who wants to hatch the eggs
in that ugly forehead, huh?
275
00:10:55,692 --> 00:10:57,078
What?
276
00:10:57,079 --> 00:10:59,671
I said, try finding a
dude who wants to grapple
277
00:10:59,672 --> 00:11:02,505
with this old baby hatch. Ow.
278
00:11:02,507 --> 00:11:04,207
Do you not know where babies come from?
279
00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:04,767
Yeah, I do.
280
00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:06,443
I thought you said you
explained this to him.
281
00:11:06,444 --> 00:11:08,578
I did. I did. You said you knew.
282
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,380
I do. Toddy down the street told me.
283
00:11:10,382 --> 00:11:11,313
Toddy's 7!
284
00:11:11,313 --> 00:11:13,817
Guy's cool. He's got his own trampoline.
285
00:11:13,818 --> 00:11:16,819
Playa sit drops like a
boss, like six in a row.
286
00:11:16,821 --> 00:11:18,821
What are you talking about?
287
00:11:18,823 --> 00:11:20,957
- What? Toddy talks like that.
- Can we please just leave?
288
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,659
Yes. Give me the keys. I'll drive.
289
00:11:22,661 --> 00:11:23,927
- Let's go. Let's go.
- All right.
290
00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:25,795
- Let's go. Come on.
- Hold up, you guys.
291
00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:27,997
Threw together a little
care package for you...
292
00:11:27,999 --> 00:11:29,499
a few womanly essentials.
293
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:31,734
Got you some lip balm,
some O.T.C. painkillers.
294
00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:34,270
Wipes, more wipes,
295
00:11:34,272 --> 00:11:37,006
some scented sprays to keep
the undercarriage in order.
296
00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:38,808
This one smells like bubble gum.
297
00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,843
This one's bubble gum with glitter.
298
00:11:40,845 --> 00:11:41,898
- Okay.
- Now this one smells like...
299
00:11:41,899 --> 00:11:43,466
I will take that. I'll
just take that. Thank you.
300
00:11:43,468 --> 00:11:44,968
- Careful. The cap's loose.
- Oh, it is loose.
301
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,437
Can I see you pop a bottle of champagne
302
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,039
- with your ass?
- What? No.
303
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,373
No. No.
304
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,242
- I am so sorry about that.
- What?
305
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,444
Y'all are terrible parents.
306
00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:56,045
Makes me glad I never knew mine.
307
00:11:56,046 --> 00:11:58,278
Do we owe you money, by any chance?
308
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:04,686
I'm just thinking out loud here,
309
00:12:04,688 --> 00:12:07,021
but we've gotten off
to a really rough start.
310
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,921
I mean, should we even
be going on this trip?
311
00:12:08,923 --> 00:12:10,323
What? Why? What do you mean?
312
00:12:10,325 --> 00:12:11,598
The kids have been
looking forward to this.
313
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,980
- Have they?
- Yes. Of course.
314
00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:16,333
You didn't even wanna go
till you found out Chaz
315
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,235
is gonna stay in the same resort as us.
316
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,605
Right, like you weren't
all, "see you there, Chaz!
317
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:25,342
Let's grab some waves in
Fort Liquordale, Chaz."
318
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,210
Hey, can we, uh, be
quiet there in the back?
319
00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:29,037
I'm trying to talk to
your dad about this.
320
00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:31,056
I don't know if I'm prepared
for 20 more hours of this.
321
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:31,740
It's only 17.
322
00:12:31,742 --> 00:12:33,508
The car reeks from the
kindness of strippers,
323
00:12:33,511 --> 00:12:34,977
- don't you think?
- They're dancers.
324
00:12:34,979 --> 00:12:37,947
- Don't shame sex trader worker.
- See that?
325
00:12:37,949 --> 00:12:39,415
- I did not pick that restaurant.
- No.
326
00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:41,050
I wanna go flamingo fishing.
327
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,586
- You don't fish for flamingos.
- Yeah, you do. Toddy told me.
328
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,354
Toddy's an idiot. Why
do you listen to him?
329
00:12:45,356 --> 00:12:46,956
He says he's the oracle.
330
00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:48,924
That's what an idiot would say!
331
00:12:48,926 --> 00:12:51,060
Guys, please, we're having a discussion.
332
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:53,429
The grownups are having
a discussion, okay?
333
00:12:53,431 --> 00:12:55,031
- Just relax.
- Telling me to relax
334
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:57,566
is the least relaxing
thing you can do right now.
335
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,968
I know. You're just being
a little harsh with them.
336
00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:00,336
I'm not mad at them.
337
00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:02,271
This is kidnapping.
338
00:13:02,273 --> 00:13:04,573
Give me the marker.
339
00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,811
There's a flying J on 13.
340
00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:09,984
Wonder if they have that double nozzle
341
00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:11,485
- in the shower.
- Oh, yes, they do.
342
00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:15,824
Jerry, oh, my god. Look.
343
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:17,958
- _
- What are we gonna do?
344
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,574
Okay, get County Mountie on the blower.
345
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,874
I'm gonna drop back and follow 'em.
346
00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:25,155
Breaker 1-9, 10-37 in progress.
347
00:13:25,156 --> 00:13:27,023
We've got a situation on route 7.
348
00:13:27,025 --> 00:13:28,391
Bring it back.
349
00:13:28,393 --> 00:13:30,426
That's a big 10-4, Ginger Drapes.
350
00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,865
I just don't think we should
make any rash decisions
351
00:13:37,865 --> 00:13:39,198
on an empty stomach, okay?
352
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,970
You know, let's stop
and get a bite to eat
353
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,994
- at an actual restaurant...
- Go around me.
354
00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:45,216
Go around. There's plenty of room.
355
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:47,801
God. Truckers. Go around!
356
00:13:47,999 --> 00:13:49,198
It's fine.
357
00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:54,649
Wait. Where are you
going? This is not the way.
358
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,451
- We go straight.
- He's following us.
359
00:13:56,453 --> 00:13:58,886
He's not following. Why
would anyone wanna follow us?
360
00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,588
I don't know. To carjack us.
361
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,290
Rifle through our bags and
steal our jewelry, perhaps.
362
00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:04,158
Why would you even
bring the good jewelry?
363
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,626
I told you not to
bring the good jewelry.
364
00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,862
And I told you I wanted to fly.
365
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:12,811
Call 9-1-1, Jared.
366
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:15,333
Um, what's the number?
367
00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:17,711
How is that my job to teach him that?
368
00:14:17,736 --> 00:14:20,370
Your job was police and
stranger danger stuff.
369
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,610
Ah, I got no bars. Neither do I.
370
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:23,878
That's okay. I'm gonna shake him.
371
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,680
That's your shake move? Pull over?
372
00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:26,981
Don't stop.
373
00:14:26,983 --> 00:14:28,716
Sorry! I don't know what else to do.
374
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,184
Kids, get down, get down.
375
00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:31,886
Mommy's not gonna let
anything bad happen to you.
376
00:14:31,888 --> 00:14:33,021
Okay, I'm gonna find out
what the hell this guy wants.
377
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,204
Okay, but be careful. I love you.
378
00:14:34,205 --> 00:14:35,703
- I love you.
- Oh!
379
00:14:35,705 --> 00:14:37,972
And I'm sorry I lied to
you. That was so stupid.
380
00:14:37,974 --> 00:14:40,808
- It really was. Yeah.
- Okay.
381
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,777
- All right.
- Okay.
382
00:14:42,779 --> 00:14:44,775
All right. Hey!
383
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:45,973
- Easy, sweetie.
- I got you, baby.
384
00:14:45,974 --> 00:14:47,318
Just so you know, the
police have been called!
385
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,300
We called the police,
and they're on their way!
386
00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:51,480
No, we called them... On you!
387
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:52,482
We got your plates!
388
00:14:52,482 --> 00:14:54,716
- We got your plate!
- What?
389
00:14:54,718 --> 00:14:56,727
Just tell 'em it was
a joke, like a goof.
390
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:59,638
I'm pretty sure this particular
goof is a federal crime.
391
00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:01,239
- What do you want from us?!
- Babe, I got this. Relax.
392
00:15:01,241 --> 00:15:02,807
Would you please stop
telling me to relax?
393
00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:04,342
I'm just trying to control
the situation out here, baby.
394
00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:06,010
So, so condescending no
matter what the situation is.
395
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,712
Okay, stranger danger...
my thing, right?
396
00:15:07,714 --> 00:15:09,747
- Okay, fine, then take care of it.
- Okay, hey!
397
00:15:09,749 --> 00:15:11,716
- What do you want from us?!
- Give us the children!
398
00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,117
- What?
- What?
399
00:15:13,119 --> 00:15:13,844
The kids!
400
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:16,672
Give us the kids, and nobody gets hurt!
401
00:15:16,672 --> 00:15:18,339
- Oh, shit. All right.
- Oh, god. Okay.
402
00:15:18,341 --> 00:15:19,807
All right, you want somebody?
403
00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:21,175
All right, kids, listen
to me. Listen to me.
404
00:15:21,177 --> 00:15:23,243
On my signal, I want you
to run into the woods.
405
00:15:23,245 --> 00:15:24,478
Run as fast as you can, okay?
406
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,013
I love you. I love you so, so much.
407
00:15:30,819 --> 00:15:32,586
Come on, pal. Come on, huh?
408
00:15:32,588 --> 00:15:34,555
Who's the tough guy?
Give you some of that!
409
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:36,056
Don't! Hey! Hey!
410
00:15:36,058 --> 00:15:38,092
You step back in that truck,
and you drive away right now!
411
00:15:38,094 --> 00:15:40,594
I'm afraid I can't do that,
sir, not until I have those kids.
412
00:15:40,596 --> 00:15:42,663
All right, guys, we're
getting the hell out of here.
413
00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:44,164
I got a purple belt in
taking names and kicking ass!
414
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,366
- Nate!
- What?
415
00:15:45,368 --> 00:15:46,567
- I got it!
- What?
416
00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:47,835
Get in!
417
00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:49,636
- Don't let 'em get away.
- Open the door!
418
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:51,105
- Go around!
- Open the door!
419
00:15:51,107 --> 00:15:52,473
Go around! Get... go...
420
00:15:52,475 --> 00:15:53,674
there's a truck! There's a truck!
421
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,112
- Oh, my god.
- That's Pete.
422
00:15:58,114 --> 00:15:59,813
Oh! He's got a go!
423
00:15:59,815 --> 00:16:01,048
Quick, get down, get down, get down.
424
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:04,651
I blocked 'em in, Jer!
425
00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:06,920
It's fine. It's a flare gun!
426
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,355
I think they might really take us!
427
00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:09,623
I don't wanna live with truckers!
428
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:11,959
They use jugs as bathrooms.
429
00:16:11,961 --> 00:16:14,061
Guys, come on. Come with me.
430
00:16:14,063 --> 00:16:16,163
Okay, I love you. I love you.
431
00:16:16,165 --> 00:16:18,899
- Little boy, you can trust us.
- Yeah, she's a former marine,
432
00:16:18,901 --> 00:16:20,534
and she's a volunteer firefighter.
433
00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,802
You are not taking our children!
434
00:16:21,804 --> 00:16:23,003
Those aren't your kids!
435
00:16:23,005 --> 00:16:25,139
What? What are you talking about?!
436
00:16:25,141 --> 00:16:28,242
I don't know, but you
stay away from my family!
437
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:30,077
Ohh!
438
00:16:33,249 --> 00:16:34,448
What is that... ohh!
439
00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:37,751
Oh, god!
440
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,856
What is wrong with truckers?!
441
00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:44,391
There's more where that came from!
442
00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:46,026
Stop! It's our fault! We did it!
443
00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,661
These are really our parents!
444
00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:51,331
Yeah, it was a joke! Don't take us!
445
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,766
What the is that?!
446
00:16:52,768 --> 00:16:56,570
- Who are you?!
- What is wrong with you?!
447
00:16:56,572 --> 00:16:57,771
She did I!
448
00:16:57,773 --> 00:16:59,573
I'm sorry. I'm on my period.
449
00:16:59,575 --> 00:17:01,708
Oh, god. Oh, my...
450
00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:05,145
That is a mix-up to
end all mix-ups, huh?
451
00:17:05,147 --> 00:17:07,347
Oh, my god. And you fell for it.
452
00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:11,230
That's... And now I'm cov...
but that's on us. That's on us.
453
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,763
Listen, I'm sorry. As you can see,
454
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,233
they're actually really our kids.
455
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,467
- Prove it.
- Oh, yeah. No, I don't think...
456
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,370
I don't think you can do that.
It's... just... they're ours.
457
00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:19,538
- They came outta her.
- Yeah.
458
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,567
Yeah, he planted the
seeds in her forehead,
459
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,333
and then the eggs
grew and ate the seeds,
460
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,002
then the seeds split into two,
461
00:17:25,004 --> 00:17:27,738
and then they popped out of her
tummy scar 12 years later, so...
462
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:30,207
Son? These people drug you?
463
00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:31,708
No, but my mom takes drugs.
464
00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:34,029
No, no, no. It's half...
half a sleeping pill.
465
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:35,055
It's not... it's not really drugs.
466
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,254
Folks, do you... do you have kids?
467
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,101
Why? Do you wanna abduct them, too?
468
00:17:38,102 --> 00:17:39,200
God, no. God, no.
469
00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:41,904
No, we have enough. Uh,
if... if you had kids,
470
00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:43,757
you'd know they do stupid
things all the time,
471
00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:44,987
and you're left to clean up the mess.
472
00:17:44,988 --> 00:17:47,521
What do you mean, we do stupid things?
473
00:17:47,523 --> 00:17:49,619
You are the king of stupid things!
474
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,447
Hold on. Do you think
right now is really the time
475
00:17:51,447 --> 00:17:53,380
- to hash that out, young lady?
- Yeah, I do.
476
00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:55,094
'Cause you get us all excited to go
477
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,785
on this awesome beach
vacation in Fort Lauderdale,
478
00:17:56,787 --> 00:17:58,616
and then you just stick
us in the stupid car!
479
00:17:58,616 --> 00:18:01,200
This was a financial
decision we made, honey.
480
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:01,826
Together.
481
00:18:01,851 --> 00:18:03,439
And then you take us
to a milkshake joint
482
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,073
that has no milkshakes and
show us some naked boobs
483
00:18:06,075 --> 00:18:07,279
and then drag us out.
484
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,345
That's... Not in context.
485
00:18:11,347 --> 00:18:13,314
Uh...
486
00:18:13,316 --> 00:18:14,984
We're sorry for the, uh, mix-up.
487
00:18:14,984 --> 00:18:16,384
No, that's... No! Oh, god, no, please.
488
00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:18,084
That's on us. Thank you.
489
00:18:18,086 --> 00:18:20,020
Honey, I was saying earlier,
truckers are the nicest people.
490
00:18:20,022 --> 00:18:21,821
That was a quote. That's
a quote. Good people.
491
00:18:21,823 --> 00:18:25,091
Well, I mean, it's not like we
think you're terrible parents.
492
00:18:25,093 --> 00:18:27,027
Mm. But, um...
493
00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:29,417
- Yeah.
- Well, thank you.
494
00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:30,684
- That's not a compliment.
- No.
495
00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:32,919
Oh.
496
00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:42,430
Okay. Democracy rules.
497
00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:44,132
Everybody gets a vote this time.
498
00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,500
Do we go north or south?
499
00:18:45,502 --> 00:18:47,068
Do we cut our losses, go back home?
500
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:49,804
Or do we drive hard and have
six full days on the beach?
501
00:18:49,806 --> 00:18:52,006
Like a bird of winter,
we fly north to the beach.
502
00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,275
I really should have
absorbed you in utero.
503
00:18:54,277 --> 00:18:55,743
We vote south.
504
00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:57,111
- Babe?
- Hmm?
505
00:18:57,113 --> 00:18:58,679
Yeah, sure.
506
00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:00,848
Just know I know there's something
507
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:03,885
you're still not telling me.
508
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:07,223
You're fired.
509
00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:10,192
There's no need for a
perp walk, all right?
510
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:12,494
It's called trying to save
the company, you dicks!
511
00:19:12,496 --> 00:19:15,597
That's my stuff! That's my stuff.
512
00:19:19,728 --> 00:19:21,859
I don't know what you're talking about.
513
00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:24,072
Okay.
514
00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:26,708
Now let's get the hell
out of Penis-lavania, huh?
515
00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:28,643
- Told you it's called that.
- Shut up.
516
00:19:34,684 --> 00:19:35,484
Let's go.
517
00:19:35,486 --> 00:19:37,219
Hold up.
518
00:19:37,221 --> 00:19:39,287
It's fine. It happened the other day.
519
00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:41,289
I just have to get out and give
it a little push. Can I steer?
520
00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:43,480
Teach my boy how to drive
on a family vacation?
521
00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:45,927
Sounds like we're about
to make some memories.
522
00:19:45,929 --> 00:19:48,514
Yeah. Whoo! Go on. Get some!
523
00:19:48,515 --> 00:19:50,716
The car still works.
It's just in a ditch.
524
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,240
We're still gonna have
five and a half solid days
525
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,507
- at the beach.
- Are we bad parent?
526
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,675
What? No.
527
00:19:56,677 --> 00:19:58,277
The fact that you would
even ask that question
528
00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,145
makes you a great parent.
529
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:01,713
- Okay.
- You're the best.
530
00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:04,650
Well.. Well... Close.
531
00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:08,303
And it's not our fault that
he's such a shitty driver.
532
00:20:08,303 --> 00:20:09,569
Well, he's only 11, so...
533
00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:11,938
Still pretty shitty. Yeah. Yea.
534
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,541
All right, guys, let's saddle up, huh?
535
00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:18,244
- Grab a bag.
- Going for a hike.
536
00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:20,347
Come on, get some!
537
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,615
Look at that sunset.
538
00:20:22,617 --> 00:20:24,017
You're not gonna see that from a plane.
539
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:27,270
No, an airplane is
pretty much the best place
540
00:20:27,302 --> 00:20:28,221
to see a sunset,
541
00:20:28,223 --> 00:20:30,123
but keep selling me on the road trip.
542
00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:31,825
Another game of accents?
543
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:33,126
Maybe from the Highlands of Scotland?
544
00:20:33,128 --> 00:20:34,594
Aye,
545
00:20:34,596 --> 00:20:36,586
now there's an accent I can do.
546
00:20:36,587 --> 00:20:38,419
You sound more like a pirate.
547
00:20:38,421 --> 00:20:40,754
Yeah, right, like she can fly a plane.
548
00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:43,657
Sounds like someone needs a hearing aid.
549
00:20:46,186 --> 00:20:47,919
So that's pretty much the story.
550
00:20:48,065 --> 00:20:49,632
You know, it was a bumpy start for sure,
551
00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:52,895
but, uh, couple of days
later, we were on the beach,
552
00:20:52,895 --> 00:20:55,830
and we were all a little
closer because of it.
553
00:20:55,832 --> 00:20:59,133
Oh, cut it with the "we
all learned a lot" bullshit.
554
00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:00,868
This isn't a good-natured exposé
555
00:21:00,870 --> 00:21:02,036
on the inner workings
556
00:21:02,038 --> 00:21:04,179
of the modern family
dynamic, Mr. Parker.
557
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,780
This is a federal investigation.
558
00:21:07,782 --> 00:21:09,482
Now I want details.
559
00:21:09,484 --> 00:21:11,947
Um... What exactly is going on here?
560
00:21:11,948 --> 00:21:14,615
- Do I need a lawyer?
- I don't know. Do you?
561
00:21:14,617 --> 00:21:16,083
I don't know. I just
asked you that question,
562
00:21:16,085 --> 00:21:17,851
and you just answered my question
563
00:21:17,853 --> 00:21:20,387
- with another question.
- Did I?
564
00:21:21,856 --> 00:21:23,522
You just did it again.
565
00:21:23,546 --> 00:21:25,546
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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