Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Ready for bed?

Yeah.

Alrighty.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cutie.

Cutie who?

Cutie you, that's who.

Alright, have a good night, okay?

Yeah.

Knock knock.

Knock knock.

Daddy?

Knock knock.

Wait, somebody just left it there?

That doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it was just there when I opened the door.

It's so weird.

So are you gonna show it to me?

Yes, but you're not gonna be seeing it tonight.

Come on, babe.

I wanna see it.

Just bring it over.

We can have some fun with it.

I told you I'll bring it by tomorrow.

Oh, you're no fun.

It's your loss.

Anyway, I gotta get some sleep.

See you tomorrow.

Okay, bye.

Joli, watch whatever you want on TV.

Just watch it in the room at the end of the hall

so the kids won't hear you.

Back at 10.

Thanks, Lori.

Finally.

I thought they'd never go to sleep.

God, I hate clowns.

God, it looks so real.

That settles that then.

Okay.

Oh, my god.

I don't care what she said.

Hey, Jo.

Lori?

Hey.

Um, I hate to bother you.

It's okay.

Are the kids...

Oh, yeah.

No, they're fine.

Uh, they're out cold.

Listen, Lori.

Um, can I, can I watch TV in a different room,

any other room?

What's going on, Joli?

Oh, nothing.

I just, I just can't look

at that new creepy clown doll anymore.

Um, Joli, what new clown doll?

Come on, Lori.

The huge life-sized one in the den, sitting in the chair,

the one that's been watching me watch TV all night.

Joli, we don't have a new clown doll,

at least not one like that.

We never have.

Joli?

Joli?

What's going on?

What clown doll?

Are the kids okay?

Jo!

Up, up, up, up.

Oh, no, pillow fight, huh.

Pillow fight.

You'll be late for school.

No!

I caught myself a bacon strip.

No, no.

Sandwich.

Bacon.

Tomato.

Bread!

Bread gets squished.

I love you.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

I love you.

I love you too.

Can you brush my hair?

Mm-hmm.

This cereal.

Mm-hmm, eat it up.

It's good for you.

But then the toys kind of talked.

Really?

Yeah.

They it flashed, then it went back in.

They were magic.

Good.

Okay, finish your cereal, hon.

You're gonna be late.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

Could you draw me a choo-choo train?

Shh, be quiet.

It's not me.

It's Claire.

It's not easy.

I'm not sure he realizes at all.

The T-Rex can't eat his head because it's too hard.

Yeah, I'm sure it's just a phase.

He acts like she's still here.

Oh, you wanna hear about the flying dinosaur?

Well, I don't know what he's called.

He flies, but he's dangerous too.

Okay, well, I gotta get going with dinner.

So I'll talk to you later.

Oh, no, humans didn't exist when the dinosaurs were alive.

Yeah.

I'm gonna fall.

No, just go, now.

I'll come and I'll catch you.

Matisse, what are you doing?

Matisse, answer me when I'm talking to you.

Come on, Matisse, we talked about this.

Answer me when I'm talking to you.

Matisse?

Matisse!

Matisse!

Baby, what were you thinking?

I'm sorry, mommy.

I only wanted to play with Claire.

I can't, I can't lose you.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I love you too, mommy.

Could you read me a story?

It's getting late.

Tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

Could you sing me a song?

No, Claire wants to hear Rock-a-bye Baby.

You wanna hear Rock-a-bye Baby?

No, Claire wants to.

It's her favorite.

No, Matisse, she doesn't.

Claire is not here anymore.

Yes, she does!

Listen, you want to hear the song.

Tell mommy you wanna hear the song.

She's not here!

Mommy, you're wrong.

She is.

Look.

What are you talking about?

She's not there.

Yes, she is!

Yes, she is!

Why can't you believe me?

She's right there!

I believe you, baby.

I believe you.

Claire?

Claire?

Claire?

Mommy.

What are you doing up, baby?

Why aren't you sleeping?

Claire won't let me.

Oh, baby.

Mommy, I wanna be with Claire.

I wanna be with Claire too, baby.

I wanna be with Claire too.

Good morning, mommy.

Oh, Claire.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

I missed you so much.

Oh, Claire.

Yes.

We have a tomato.

I'm the bacon.

Yes.

I'm the bread.

Best sandwich in the world.

I love you.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

Push!

Push!

I'm pushing!

He's coming.

I always hear people say

you don't get to choose who you are when you're born.

What the.

But you can choose who you are when you grow up.

Honey?

That's never been the case for me.

It's not all bad though, and there are definitely

many perks of the job, like free healthcare.

And no one seems to bother me on the street.

But I guess it's hard being the angel of death

when all you wanna do is help out.

Like this morning, for instance.

Where's my walking stick?

I think the biggest misconception

is that I'm out to kill everyone.

Really, I'm just trying to be a good citizen.

Part of the day job is writing down their names,

then there's the wallet.

She only had an address.

And that's how it all started.

What are you doing?

What are you doing in here?

So she's dead.

You don't remember me, do you?

Fun times.

This is so cool.

Do you wanna hang out?

I don't know why I stayed with her so long.

There was just something about her.

I had fun.

And she made me do things I'd never done before.

We could talk about anything.

And even when I accidentally killed someone,

she didn't mind.

She was,

well, she was perfect.

She made me forget who I was.

But then came the party.

I'm getting clothes out.

For the party we're going to.

Well, they're not for me.

You look fine.

Do you wanna dance?

Suit yourself.

Come on.

It was in that moment

I could see I was losing her.

And fast.

I knew what I needed to do.

If I really wanted her, I had to take a chance.

And maybe she would hold out her hand

and our dance could begin.

Life

and death,

together.

But it didn't happen that way.

Mom, English, please.

We have a guest.

Fine.

It's your turn to do grace.

Mom...

Listen to your mother.

Dear Baby Jesus,

thank you for this good day.

Thank you for this good food.

Thank you for mom who made the food.

Rory.

Thank you for our guest today and...

Rory!

Not now.

Are you okay, baby?

I'm fine.

It's okay.

Anyway, once again,

thank you for our wonderful guest today,

and I pray that we have a great day all together.

Stop it!

Get back here!

Ha!

Is that all you've got?

Get rid of her.

Rory!

Stop.

I know, I know.

I'll walk myself out.

Alright.

I'm gonna go see how much a room is for the night.

What about that one across the street?

Hmm, I didn't even see that motel.

How about you go cross the road and see how much that one is

and we'll see which room's cheaper?

Alright.

Hi.

Um, how much for a room?

How many peoples?

Just one room.

Any pets?

No.

55.50.

Thanks.

Hey.

This one's 55.50.

So is that one.

Really?

Well, this one's closer.

You wanna just stay here.

Yeah, sure.

Hey again.

We're gonna take the room.

Uh, this looks exactly like...

How many peoples?

It's just us.

Any pets?

No.

95.50, please.

You don't remember me?

You said it was 55.50 for a room.

55.50, one person.

Two peoples, 95.50.

You don't understand here, we just need one room.

We're gonna share a room.

Is that what you don't understand?

You think we need two rooms?

Two people, one room, 95.50.

You're serious.

Alright, I'll give you 60.

95.50.

It's either 60 or we leave.

You want us to leave?

Is that what you want?

Fine.

You just lost a customer,

probably your only customer of the night.

How do you feel about that, hmm?

You're feeling pretty ridiculous now, aren't you?

Let's get outta here.

You know, you're not the only motel on this road.

There's many other motels that we could stay at.

I just don't want you thinking that you're the only one,

'cause you're not the only one.

I'm just saying that you're not...

Come on, Brad.

Come on.

You're not the only one.

Yeah, we're, uh, we're gonna take the room.

How many peoples?

Uh, it's just us.

Any pets?

No.

110.50, please.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

110?

I was just in here and you said 55.50.

Yes, 55.50 for one person.

Two peoples, 110.50, please.

You know, the guy across the street,

he offered us 95.50 for one room.

No.

Yeah.

So if you want us to stay,

you're gonna have to bring your price down.

I sorry.

I can't do it.

Let's, let's just go get the room in the other motel.

I'm tired.

I just don't wanna deal with this crap anymore.

That's fine.

You know, buddy, you just lost yourself a customer.

Get a good look 'cause you're seeing us walk out

your front door, and that's money out of your pocket, pal.

Only now, we're not coming back.

How does that feel?

Literally, two of us,

money out of your pocket, out the front door.

Fine.

Suit yourself.

Alright, you got us.

We're gonna take the room.

How many peoples?

What?

How

many

peoples?

What do you mean how many peoples?

It's just us.

Any pets?

No.

110.50.

100?

What happened to 95?

I talked to my neighbor across the street.

He said I charging too little.

Too little?

What's wrong with you peoples?

Brad.

No, no, no.

Listen, I'll give you the 95.

Sorry, I can't take that.

I have to keep up with competition or I go out of business.

Competition.

But there's nobody else here.

How do you...

Maybe you don't get the idea behind competition.

The idea is you lower the price or we walk.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

It's fine.

We're walking.

Fine with me.

This is really starting to annoy me.

Let's just go.

I mean my guy said 55.50.

You heard him, right?

Well, I heard my guy across the street.

I didn't hear your guy.

Well, my guy said the same thing.

Wait, what is that?

What?

That over there across the street.

Is that another motel?

It looks like it.

Oh, I don't get it.

Is this some kind of joke?

There must be some kind of strange motel monopoly

on this road.

Is anyone here?

I don't think so.

What the hell!

Good Lord, this is possible.

Yes?

We need a room.

How many peoples?

We don't have any pets.

It's okay.

Pets are free.

Oh, good.

It's 95.50.

Oh, my god.

Are you to be having vehicle?

- Yes. - Yeah.

$40 for parking.

You know, I can't keep doing this.

Let's just go.

Let's get outta here.

I don't know about you,

but I've never heard of foreign triplet motel barons before.

Let's just go.

Hey, there must be other motels up the road.

There's not.

Not for miles!

Let's just go anyway.

I'll drive.

No.

First, let me see how much

that first guy charged for parking.

No.

Brad, I'm not gonna pay $150 to sleep for three hours, okay?

That's insane.

The sun is coming up.

Well, good for the sun.

Brad, stop it.

Get outta my way.

Stop it!

Get outta my way!

Yes?

So your rooms are $110.50, right?

Yes.

Okay, do you charge for parking?

Yes.

How much do you charge for parking?

$30.

$30?

No, it's not bad.

Yes, it is bad.

It's the same price as the other place.

No, this is what we want.

This is where we're going to stay.

Let's just go.

No.

Brad, are you crazy?

Listen, I'll put it on my credit card.

I'll get the points.

We won't leave empty handed.

Sorry, no credit card.

Cash only, please.

Watch your step.

I'm not gonna spend 150 cash for a motel room.

That's just insane.

It's only $75 each.

It's still not bad.

Think about what you're saying, okay?

It doesn't make sense.

No, that's where you're wrong.

They wanna play this game?

They don't know who they're dealing with.

I'm prepared to pay twice that.

Whoa, think about what you're saying for a second, okay?

Just think about what you're saying.

They just don't want us to stay here tonight.

Don't you understand?

It's all a game to them!

Look, let's just go.

That'll fix this whole thing.

No, we can beat 'em.

What does that mean?

Honest to god, Roger, I'm gonna stay here tonight.

Do you understand me?

Roger, wake up.

What?

What?

My dad's wiring us the money.

We're golden.

Brad, it's morning.

I know.

We're close.

It's starting to take form.

We're almost there.

What's that on the windshield?

Parking ticket?

What is this?

Are you trying to screw with us now?

Well, I got news for you, pal.

We've got money on its way, so you haven't won.

It's not over.

I just want a room.

I'm freezing.

I'm tired.

And I can't keep on doing this.

You win, you win.

Okay, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Is that what you wanna hear, I'm sorry?

I just want a room.

How many peoples?

Any pets?

Hey, guys.

It's Lulu, your favorite foodie.

And today, I'm gonna be reviewing Tim's famous

double-decker burger on Lulu's no soy reviews.

Look at this monster.

So we're gonna make today a burger day.

And the reason I'm so excited

is that I get to stuff myself with burgers all day long.

Jesus Christ, Carol.

Can't you see I'm working here?

You're promoting death again?

What the hell!

Are you PMS-ing?

Meat is murder.

Meat is good.

Burgers are good.

So why don't you quit harassing me

before I go tell mom again.

Why don't you tell your nine subscribers the truth?

Soy is the way.

FYI, soy sucks.

That's so disgusting.

Oink oink.

That burger is murder,

and I don't want it anywhere in this house.

Do you hear me?

If you only knew what they did to those poor animals,

you would not be enjoying that thing.

This thing is a delicious,

mouth-watering work of meaty art.

It's murder.

Can't you see that?

I can't believe you're promoting the mistreatment

and exploitation of animals just to get likes

on some stupid online video channel.

My channel isn't stupid.

It's fairly educational.

And my 67,000 subscribers

love my deliciously meaty food reviews.

So take your vegan crusade elsewhere.

Welcome back to yet another one of Lulu's no soy reviews,

just for you.

That burger is murder.

As you can see, it's a charcoal burger

with all the delicious fixins.

Hmm, this is heaven on a bun if heaven was full of dead

charred cows and smothered in Tim's famous secret sauce.

Mmm.

You're what's wrong with this world.

And this is actually

one of the best burgers I've ever had.

It's rare and juicy, with just enough char.

Mmm.

Lu!

What now?

Say tofu, bitch.

At least four people have been killed

and 10 injured following another attack

by the so-called vegan vigilante, this time

at an all you can eat steak and lobster buffet

in a small rural town outside San Antonio, Texas.

This individual is responsible

for approximately 15 murders, 12 assaults,

and an attack on a Fourth of July hotdog eating competition.

Hello.

Oh, hey.

How are you?

No, it's a good time.

No, I'm just getting in the door.

Yeah, it was a long day.

Actually, I'm not doing anything tonight.

Yeah, I'm keeping it real simple.

I'm tired, man.

I actually picked up an apple pie yesterday.

Well, a slice of pie.

So I'm pretty much gonna eat that and watch some Netflix.

You know, the life of a solo traveler.

Yeah.

No, it's like my favorite apple pie.

And it's vegan too, which is good

because I just switched to vegan

because it's the hip thing to do these days, they say.

Yeah.

No, I mean I'm sure I can catch you later though.

Yeah, for sure.

I mean.

I gotta be honest.

I'm probably not gonna get back to you.

Yeah, I'm pretty stoked

to just watch Netflix and eat my pie.

Yeah, I'm sure we can do something next week though.

Yeah, for sure.

Alright, dude.

Okay, peace.

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Yeah, Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Netflix and pie ♪

♪ Apple pie ♪

♪ Netflix and apple pie ♪

♪ Netflix and apple pie ♪

♪ Netflix and apple pie ♪

♪ Netflix and apple pie ♪

Oh, my life is sad.

What the fuck!

What the fuck?

Where the fuck is my pie?

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, hey.

I don't know if this is a weird question.

I was in yesterday and I bought a piece of apple pie.

Yeah, I was wearing a black sweatshirt, jeans.

It was like two o'clock.

No, yeah, I know.

A lot of people probably come in there

buying pie because it's delicious.

But it was me though.

I had like jeans on, a black t-shirt,

kinda boyishly handsome, some might say baby faced.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I look like the Gerber baby.

Yes, yes, that's me, yes.

I bought apple pie, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so I'm not crazy.

No, yeah, no, no, thank you.

Yeah.

It's just the weirdest thing.

I think I've lost my, nevermind.

Anyways, thank you, thank you.

Okay, okay, bye.

Thanks.

What the fuck?

What do you do when you lose your apple pie?

Fucking nothing?

Let me try Bing.

Lost my apple pie.

Help, I lost my apple pie, Yahoo! answers.

Yes!

Holy shit, Bing worked.

Help, I lost my recipe.

Recipe?

Shit!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Holy shit.

Whoo.

You scared the shit outta me.

Yeah, David's coming.

He just,

yeah, he went out to get Halloween decorations

and a costume apparently.

Yeah, I know it's only September, but what can I tell you.

He's into all that spooky shit.

Okay, okay, but call me back.

I'm trying to hear about this guy you're seeing.

I'm not nosy.

I'm just curious.

Alright, alright.

Okay, cool, bye.

David?

That is your sad attempt at trying to frighten me?

Unoriginal.

I think I married something a little more bone chilling

than a white bed sheet.

Honestly, David, don't be a meatball.

This isn't funny or scary.

Take off the sheets and let's go watch Netflix.

David?

David, I'm not in the mood for this.

My tits are sore, my back aches.

Cut the shit, okay?

Baby, if you're in the mood to be under a sheet,

why don't we take this to the bedroom?

I could put on that little thing you like

and we can play naughty ghost games together.

Fine, whatever.

But this is getting really weird, okay, even for you.

I know it's almost Halloween

and you're into all this horror shit, but I'm not.

You know that.

So quit it.

It's not cute.

I'm not gonna,

for fuck's sake, David!

Is that what you wanted?

I'm scared now, okay?

You're a real jerk.

There's no such things as ghost.

There's no such things as ghost.

I can't.

An attack on a Fourth of July

hotdog eating competition.

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org