Original subtitles

No! No! No! Please!

Hey, where the fuck are my journals?

Do you know a man named Rudy Guede?

His prints and DNA are all over the murder scene.

They found the killer?

He's got a history of drug use, aggression towards women.

Why are they still going after our daughter?

What? So, why wasn't he in jail?

-If he had been, then... -Meredith would still be alive.

I might never get out of here.

You need to start accepting a life without me.

-My girl. She's gone, her fight is gone. -Okay, but she's gonna be alright.

If I'm gonna lose her anyway, then what's the point?

When we get out from here, we go to Gubbio.

I want lunch and dinner.

Libertà! Libertà!

Amanda, what's it like being back home?

I keep thinking that I'm going on with my life,

and then there are these moments where I just can't.

Everyone hates me, even the people who think I'm innocent.

My prison would always be the false stories

spun about me, the monster.

There was only one thing I could think to do.

I had to go to the author.

I always suspected that this made it impossible for us

to see and understand each other.

When I was 20, when I was imprisoned and on trial,

you seemed a powerful and scary man

intent on destroying my life.

But when I saw interviews with you, I realized that image of you was wrong.

It was flat and two-dimensional, like the media's image of me.

I saw you as a man, not just as my prosecutor,

a father of daughters with genuine motivations.

I saw a man who was not evil,

and I too am not a monster.

It's difficult. In my daily life, I often feel

that what I experienced in Italy is in the past.

But at any minute, I suddenly feel in the middle of it again.

Like I'm still in prison and on trial.

♪ After I've taken the blame ♪

♪ You say you're through ♪

Even in my happiest moments...

...when I'm regaled with affection,

surrounded by love and family...

...I am haunted by memories of helplessness,

loneliness, and grief, and the sense that I'm being hunted.

Even in times of great promise,

I am tortured by the question, "Why?"

Why did this happen to me?

I hope that by talking to you, I will find out this answer.

Oh, my God, Chris, he wrote back.

What does he say?

-Oh, my God, Chris. -What?

He... He says he won't discuss the case with me,

but then he tells me to watch this.

M-Maigret is suffering because he put an innocent man in jail.

You have to listen to this.

Mignini told me to watch this.

"When you find yourself"

"circling around a solution and you can't grasp it,

"you are truly tempted to invent,

"to construct a guilty party."

"But in the moment you reopen your eyes to the facts..."

"They become erroneous."

Holy fuck.

Amanda Knox's roommate's killer

was released early from prison today.

Third defendant was convicted and imprisoned...

National headlines and deep controversy...

Guede has told his lawyers he wants to be forgotten.

...conviction of 30 years in the first degree...

...reduced Guede's jail time by an additional 45 days.

...maintains his innocence, saying that Amanda Knox...

-Amanda Knox... -Amanda Knox...

-Amanda Knox. -Amanda Knox.

Amanda Knox.

-You have an announcement? -Hmm?

You invited Dad and Mom,

you have news.

-You're pregs again. -What? Really?

-No. No, I'm... -Honey.

No, I'm not.

Um...

Uh, I'm... I'm thinking of going back to Italy.

-What?! -Why?

What are you talking about?

I have been writing letters with Giuliano.

-Giuliano? -Pig-nini?

-Since when? -Uh, a while now.

Amanda, what the fuck?

-Why would... -Come on, Chris. Seriously?

Wh... I mean why?

Because hating him forever doesn't help me understand anything.

-I mean, what's to understand? -Him.

Why... Why he came after me. Why he hated me.

Why he ignored evidence.

-I mean... -Because he's evil. An ogre.

-An asshole. -Ja, this, yes.

W-What has he been saying to you?

We... We talk about a lot. We talk about our families.

You talked about us with him?

-He has agreed to meet with me. -Jesus.

-What? -Meet with you?

Where... Where are you gonna meet, Perugia?

-I mean, you can't go back there, Amanda. -I know.

The people there, they're still out for blood.

I know, I'll... I'll lay low. I'll stay hidden.

Oh, but you'll show yourself to him?

The man who threw you in jail with no evidence.

It's been a decade since you're free.

Why don't you just move on?

Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Chris,

you don't have the word "murderer" branded on your face.

You're e-exonerated, honey. It's all... That's all over.

-Yeah. -It's not though.

Did you know Rudy Guede was released early from prison today?

What? Why didn't you say anything?

Yeah, you know what the first headline we read was?

"Amanda Knox's Roommate's Killer Freed."

Not "Meredith Kercher's Killer Freed," not "Rudy Guede Freed."

Meredith's murder is always discussed in the context of Amanda.

People are fixated on her,

and they've completely forgotten everybody else.

I mean, she also posts a lot of shit that makes people angry.

She was proven innocent.

But Edda, people still think she was involved.

And believe me, I have spent I don't know how many hours

arguing with them online.

Oh, really, you spent hours arguing online?

Who cares what a bunch of idiots on the internet think?

You wouldn't care if millions of people thought you were a killer?

You'd do anything to change the narrative.

-Oh, since where are you the expert? -Chris.

-That's right, you weren't there. -Please.

Yeah, well, I'm here now, man.

Oh.

She needs this.

Okay, with all due respect,

how can she possibly need this?

This guy is dangerous and he is vindictive.

-Please. -Amanda, you... You're... You're doing well.

-Your... Your life is full. -You... But you... You're a mother now,

you have a beautiful baby girl.

Why can't you just... Can you not just focus on that?

That's exactly what I'm doing.

You know the first thing I said to Eureka when she was born?

I said, "I'm sorry.

I am... I'm sorry I'm your mom."

Oh, honey.

This... This shadow I've been living under since I'm 20,

I'm supposed to, what, accept that our daughter has to live under it too?

And I... And I'm not gonna have to wait until she can read about it herself.

The... The tomes of malignant shit about me online.

It's gonna happen on the playground.

As soon as one gossipy parent tells their kid who I am,

she's gonna... she's gonna have so many questions

that I do not have the answer to.

This meeting with Mignini might give me one, okay?

And if there's any chance that he'll finally see me

and wipe the slate clean...

it's fucking worth it.

Talk to you, please?

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Okay. I didn't expect you to understand...

How could you do this to us?

After everything we've been through. To Mom?

Do you have any idea how hard it was?

Fighting to get you back nearly killed her.

And I don't know if you're even capable of noticing,

but Mom and Chris didn't sleep in the same bed

for over a year after you got back.

Wait a minute, what? I didn't know that.

What did you think that was?

Fifteen months of jet lag keeping him on the sofa?

Chris was basically a bachelor in Italy, for what,

three years, so that he could be there and visit you.

They didn't know how to live together anymore.

That is not my fault, Deanna.

No, nothing's your fault.

Not on "The Amanda Show."

Wow. That is not fair. That's not fair.

What's not fair is that I had to drop out of school,

that Ashley was getting into literal fights with classmates,

Delaney was having panic attacks.

The blast radius of you going to Italy was pretty huge.

Look, I... Again, I am... I am so sorry for everything you went through, I am.

But I am the one who went to prison.

And I am still in prison.

Please.

You're gonna do whatever the fuck you want, aren't you?

Just one second.

Please, can I...

Can I please just explain myself?

Can you just look at me for one second?

Hey, you're still here.

Yeah, I was helping your mom clean up.

-Really? -Yeah.

Chris was playing video games.

-Do you need a minute? -No, no.

She's asleep.

Are you sleeping at all?

-Yeah. I remember those early years. -Yeah.

They're tough.

You have nothing to apologize for.

It just about broke my heart hearing you said that to Eureka.

You're a fantastic mom. She's lucky to have you.

You're the strongest person I've ever known.

-Dad. -And God knows you've proven

that you can hold your own.

But now that you're dead set on going back to Italy...

I have to say that your judgment about handing yourself back to him...

I'm sorry, I just... I do not trust Mignini.

I'm not asking you to trust Mignini, I'm asking you to trust me.

It's just the last time that I gave you my blessing,

it did not turn out so well.

I can't not go.

Well, then I'm going with you.

Fuck if I'm gonna let you set foot in that country again without me.

Amanda, I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Well, this is the plan. So, can you...

I swear to God, if you tell me to relax...

I'm not telling you to relax.

I harbor a wish that you'd relax, but I'm not telling you to relax.

Okay, here we go.

Just like we talked about.

Don't move, don't make a sound.

They see you, they make a call.

They make a call, and they're all hunting you inside of ten minutes.

He's hunting her already.

He never stopped, never will, and here we are,

just going into the mouth of the wolf.

-Mom, Mom, will you please? -It's a trap.

-It's not a trap. -It is a trap that that monster

has set for you, and you are walking right into it.

We should just turn back, Amanda.

There's no way we're going back.

-What's happening? -Kuh-nox!

What's happening? No, no, no, no!

-What the fuck is going on? -No, Chris!

-No! Do not... -Chris, please! No!

-Amanda! -Mom!

-Hey, hey, hey. -What's happening?

-You're okay. -Where am I? Where are we?

We're in the safe house. We're in Italy.

I'm sorry.

-No, don't be sorry. -I'm sorry.

You're ready for this, okay?

You're gonna do great tomorrow.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I mean, am I... Am I fooling myself?

Am I gonna leave more fucked up than I came?

-No, you're not fucked up. -What am I...

Am I not? I want Giuliano Mignini

to tell me he's sorry.

I want him to admit that he hurt me, that's...

If you go in there needing something from him...

you'll fail.

I know, and I can't fail.

-Amanda. -Don Saulo, ciao!

Si.

I... I'm just gonna stay here, on... on this bench.

I don't wanna see that man's face ever again.

I'll be right here.

-Okay? -Okay.

-Alright. -I love you.

I love you too.

Love you, sweetie.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm, uh, I'm gonna let him talk first.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna let him say anything he has to say,

and then... and then I'm gonna speak.

-Right. -Okay.

Oh, God, I'm nervous.

Ah.

Um...

Uh...

...and saints.

I'm guilty of this too.

When I was on trial...

you were a frightening man

who had only one goal...

to destroy my life.

But I know this image of you is wrong.

It is as flat and as two-dimensional as "Foxy Knoxy."

You've said this to me.

What?

You said this to me in your first letter.

But you need to say it again?

I didn't come here to prove you wrong.

I believe that you acted with genuine noble motivations,

even though you caused tremendous harm.

And I believe that you were trying to bring justice to a grieving family.

And I want you to know that I do not hate you.

It took courage for you to come here.

-We have this in common. -Oh?

Do you think it is wise for me to interact with you at all?

Given the vicious attacks leveled against me

by the Knox PR machine?

In my 41 years of service, never did I experience

such ruthless slander against me.

I know you felt unjustly villainized by the U.S. press.

I was the corrupt medieval inquisitor.

I was blamed for everything.

Never have I been so outraged.

People trying to profit from the destruction of my name.

I can only imagine how painful that can be.

Then you reach out to me,

say "My Prosecutor" with such affection...

Uh...

I will admit it, it moved me.

That was kind of a mistake.

Excuse me?

It... It was a linguistic foible.

Um, in... in English,

we say "my prosecutor" without connoting affection.

Um, it really just means, "the prosecutor of my case."

And as you know, there are things we say in English

that don't have an exact counterpart in Italian.

Like, "see you later."

Courageous indeed.

Just a moment.

What's happening?

-I don't know. -Who's he calling?

I don't know.

I'm scared, I'm scared.

-I feel okay. -You do?

But you can leave anytime, if you need.

-Okay. -Stay calm, Amanda.

-Huh? -I'm trying, I'm trying.

I apologize.

Uh...

I'm responsible for telling my wife

when it's time to take her pills.

Just please tell me, are the police on their way?

What?

What do you think this is?

Dear, you asked me to meet.

Did you think I would use this meeting

-to what, to entrap you? -No, no, I didn't.

But my... my people, my family, they all think that...

You see? This is what I'm talking about.

We don't just go around arresting people without cause here.

-Why don't we sit? -This case has shown me

the dark side of America,

its ignorance, its entitlement.

You must understand, Amanda,

my prosecuting you wasn't personal.

When you asked for a life sentence for me,

that felt pretty personal.

The sentences I ask for

do not reflect the heart of the person I'm trying.

They reflect the severity of the crime.

And the crime against Meredith was severe.

-But I did not kill her. -Look, Amanda,

I did my duty in full conscience,

given the facts I had at the time.

Now, look at you,

you are free now.

-It's water under the bridge. -Why are you here, Dottor Mignini?

-What do you mean? -Why... Why did you come here today?

Because this meeting is extraordinary, it's something that doesn't happen.

So, I'm a curiosity? You... You wanted to see how I turned out?

I came to care for you through our letters.

Why did you send me Maigret?

To help you understand me and my role.

Not to admit you were wrong?

Oh.

Amanda, by the time I got to you,

the police had already made some investigative decisions.

You mean investigative mistakes.

They weren't used to cases of this magnitude.

-The media attention, the... the pressure. -Neither was I.

It was hard on you. I know that.

People think I'm a monster.

-I never called you a monster. -Foxy Knoxy,

femme fatale, adulteress, Luciferina.

Oh, I never called you Luciferina.

-Pacelli did. -You didn't have to.

You placed me at the scene of the crime.

You talked about how I tortured and taunted Meredith.

Amanda, that was my approximation of the crime.

An investigator must painstakingly reconstruct a past event

which he didn't observe.

Yeah, through evidence, I would hope.

This is where you think you know, but you don't know, okay?

Initially, an investigator is guided by his reasoning,

but also by hypothesis that the crime scene suggests to him.

And he must follow his hypothesis

and be ready to review it when he realizes

that his assumption is arbitrary and not proven.

But your assumption was arbitrary and not proven.

-I followed the evidence. -What evidence?

There was a lot of evidence, Amanda.

The bra clasp, the... the... the staged break-in.

I didn't stage a break-in.

-Please, stay calm and lis... -No. No.

Your attachment to this theory of the break-in being staged

is the mistake from which all of your fantasies about me grew.

-It was a lens, it was bias. -Oh, please.

There's none of my DNA at the crime scene.

You said I cleaned up traces of my own invisible DNA

while leaving Guede's intact?

That's impossible, that's bias.

The absence of that evidence is not evidence of your absence.

You said I was in a love triangle with Rudy, based on nothing.

I didn't have his phone number, I didn't even know his name.

In his interviews, Rudy has always said he was attracted to you.

And you said I murdered Meredith because of what?

Jealousy? Hygiene?

Meredith didn't invite you to spend Halloween

with her and her British friends.

You think I murdered my friend...

because she didn't invite me to go trick-or-treating?

I interviewed the British girls.

They all had animosity towards you.

But yes, the... the court found that motive

mm... was not the clearest part of our case.

The only thing that you could ever prove...

was that I lived in the house where Meredith died,

-but I was not there that night. -That, we can't debate.

The final ruling says you were there.

Well, I am telling you that I wasn't.

You cannot argue with the ruling.

It's definitive.

And it says you are innocent, Amanda.

I don't care about the ruling, I care about the truth.

And I am... I am telling you the truth!

What do you want me to do?

Go back on all I said, all I did?

I'm sitting here, I came. What more do you want?

Why didn't you see me when you looked at your daughters?

You often said that when you looked at your daughters,

you saw poor Meredith.

That... That she could have been them. But I... I was just a girl, too.

I was just a young girl, too.

I don't know...

I didn't hate you, Amanda.

So, why did you come after me?

Because I didn't know you then as I know you now.

So, you wouldn't prosecute me now?

If I was asked to prosecute this case, I... I would decline to do so

because I know you.

So, you understand that I'm innocent?

Giuliano.

Hey, um...

Sorry, I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Uh, she's gone through her milk.

Okay, uh, I'll... I'll be there in a minute.

Uh...

No.

Mm.

Oh, thank God. Hey. Hi.

Amanda? You okay?

-Is she okay? -Yeah, she's just processing.

Okay, wh... what did he say?

So many things.

He, uh, he held my hand, Mom.

-Oh, my God. -I know.

He... He apologized?

Uh, no, he... He stands by what he did.

Right, so he's evil.

-No, he believes me. -He believes... He believes what?

He said you're... you're innocent?

N-Not in those exact words,

-but it doesn't matter. -Right, so he's a coward.

No, he said he believes the person he now knows.

The me he now knows can't have done it.

Right, so he'll... he'll s... He'll say that publicly?

H-He's in turmoil, Mom. The man is trying.

-He's trying? -He's trying. Yes.

I just...

All these years, every step,

I've wanted to just fucking crawl inside you

so I could feel how you felt, so I could be in it with you.

But this, this risk, to... to you, to your baby,

to Chris, and yes, to me, and for what?

For what?

For nothing.

Nothing.

-Mom. -I'll be in the car.

What time did he say he would arrive?

Uh, he... He texted five minutes ago, he's parking.

Oh.

I think that's him.

Raffa.

Ciao.

-Ciao. -Amanda.

Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

-Hi, Edda. -Raffaele.

Look at you. You look great.

No, Edda. This is just my work clothes.

Oh.

-How are you? -I'm well.

Hi, I'm...

-Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. -I'm Chris.

Sorry, this is Chris.

-It's, um, so nice to finally meet you. -Also you.

-She's beautiful. -Thank you.

Yeah.

-Yeah? -Si.

Okay.

Si.

-We'll be back. -Ciao.

What?

No, nothing, nothing.

You look great. You look like a real man now.

You look exactly the same.

I look like a man, too?

No.

No, you're a liar, I look old.

I have little wrinkles now. You can see 'em when I smile.

-Chicken feet. -So close.

-Crow's feet. -Oh.

That's good, it means years of much smiling, no?

I don't know about that.

-Now you, what? -No, what?

-What? -No.

Mm.

Wow.

So, did you get what you're needing from him?

From Mignini?

-I don't know. -Mm.

Maybe.

Maybe I'm crazy.

No, not crazy.

The one person who doesn't see you as you want to be seen,

the one person who withholds affection,

you chase this, even if you have love in front of you.

So...

Wow.

No, it's common, people do it all the time,

want to make peace with the one who hurts you most.

How's your life, Raffaele?

What's going on?

-Dating is hard. -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, women find out who I am, they're not interested.

Or even worse, they're interested for all the wrong reasons.

Yeah. I know.

And, um, building a career...

I finally got a chance to leave Italy,

start over in tech company.

-Yeah? -So excited, I moved to Paris.

-Yeah? And what? -And my boss googled me.

"So, uh, sorry kid, you're fired."

"Back home you go."

-You know what I think about a lot? -What?

This night that I dragged Meredith to this concert

-that no one else would go to with me. -Oh, that concert.

And it was Astor Piazzolla's Le Gran Tango.

We were the youngest people in the audience by, like,

at least 30 years.

I remember head-banging like I was at a rock concert,

and Meredith was just mortified.

And once the movement ended, I watch her leave,

and I look over,

and I see this nerdy guy with glasses,

just looking at me, like that.

Nerdy? No, muscular.

-Of course, of course. -Uh-huh.

Muscular and handsome and...

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-And this... -And nerdy.

This handsome, nerdy guy with the glasses,

um, goes over to this beautiful blue-eyed girl.

Aw, thank you.

And ask, "Can I... excuse me, can I sit next to you?"

And she smiles and says yes. And his English is bad.

-Bad. -And her Italian is bad too.

-Bad. -Yeah.

But they talk about music.

And Seattle.

And have much connection.

Do you regret meeting me?

Do you regret me, Raffa?

I... I want to be honest with you.

-Okay. -Okay.

And, uh, there were times where I think I did.

Yes.

But not now.

-No? -No.

Because y-you can feel it, right?

The heart, it aches and it hurts.

-Yeah. -It breaks and causes you pain.

But it's...

Y-You don't wish you don't have it because it's part of you.

-Oh, Raffa. -And it's the most important part.

So, what I do regret...

is you going home that day to shower.

Fucking hell.

Yeah, me too.

God, if I hadn't...

Yeah, I know, if.

If, if, if.

You know why I did that?

Why I went home that morning?

Shall we find you some truffles?

Maybe we just stay here, just a second longer.

-Okay? -Okay.

Hi.

Hey.

When I used to come and see you in prison and, uh,

and I'd stay in Perugia for those long stretches...

there was so much time between visits, you know,

because I only got to see you...

-an hour every Tuesday. -An hour every Tuesday.

And I... I would... I would spend my time fighting for you,

any way I could, but there were times when...

there were times when a friend would ask me for lunch

or say, "Come relax, have a picnic."

I would be sipping delicious wine and...

looking out at a view like this.

And someone might say something that struck me as funny,

and I'd go... I'd go to laugh.

Oh, Mom. Mom.

I'd feel so guilty.

-That's okay. -Because...

Because how dare a mother laugh when her daughter...

You had it worse than I did. No, you did.

I don't...

I don't know how you did it.

Now that I have Eureka...

if... if anything like that ever happened to her,

I don't... I don't think I'd survive it, I don't.

So, you're glad you came?

For 15 years, I've been...

defined by something that I didn't do.

And for the first time since I was 20 years old,

I felt like I was actually doing something

to take my life back.

I wanted him to apologize to me, I did.

I did.

And I thought...

I thought maybe I needed him to see me

so that I could be okay, but the truth is, I am.

I am okay.

I showed up with kindness.

As a person that I'm really proud of.

And that's all I can do. That's all I can ever do.

And I guess I thought y-you'd be proud of me, too.

Hey.

I am. I'm very proud of you.

Oh, please, can we get the fuck out of here now?

Yeah.

There's just one more thing.

-Babe, you good? -Yeah. Yeah.

Do you... Do you mind if I go alone?

-Just... -No.

Okay. Thank you.

It was fate that Meredith was home that night and I wasn't.

I was the lucky one.

Some people will always define her by me, and me by her.

But the truth is, we were just two girls

at the start of our lives.

We went thrift shopping, and made cookies, and ate pizza.

Just normal stuff.

And I hate that I have to dig through over a decade of trauma

just to reach my memories of her.

Smart, beautiful Meredith.

Giddy and serious Meredith.

Loving and deep Meredith.

I've never really had a chance to mourn her.

But I think in coming back,

I'm finally mourning the both of us.

The lives we could have had.

This twisted tale isn't what I thought mine would be.

And some of you believe I'm innocent.

Some may still think I'm guilty.

And you know, that's okay.

Because it's hard to escape judgment.

It's hard to change one's own mind,

much less someone else's.

Change is not guaranteed, but it's possible.

And I can't help it. I'm me.

I hold on to hope.