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1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,254
Good morning, and happy
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,756
"my second favorite
holiday after Christmas"
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,342
Development Day,
every... Ooh, donuts.
4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,177
Oh, that's nice, but
I am cutting today,
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,138
so I will just have a yogurt.
6
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,056
Hmm. How am I
feeling today, right?
7
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,142
Am I feeling sophisticated,
or am I feeling nutty?
8
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,643
Am I feeling chocolate frosted?
9
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,978
Janine...
10
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,021
Oh, classic. Thank you.
11
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,439
You know me well, Mel-Mel.
12
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,316
Well, six years
will do that to you.
13
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,486
Oh. Did you guys hear about the
ceiling falling in at Addington?
14
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,780
Mm. And that building
was built after ours.
15
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,948
Jacob: Good thing our
building's solid. Mm-hmm.
16
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,200
Morning, y'all. I did get finer.
17
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,785
We don't have to talk about it.
18
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,412
And thanks to whoever
brought in these donuts.
19
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,538
I thought you did.
20
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,914
Now, why would I do that?
21
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,082
They were actually
here when I came in
22
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,042
to get my coffee
this morning. Hmm.
23
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,544
"Donut Worry 'Bouta Thing."
24
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,546
Jacob: Oh, that place is great.
25
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,506
Remember I brought in donuts for
the last day of school last year?
26
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,592
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,
but none of us got any
27
00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,260
because we were all determined
to clean out our classrooms
28
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,720
and get the hell out of
here before rush hour.
29
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:56,182
[ Laughter ]
30
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,101
[ Laughter subsides ]
31
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,103
[ Spits ]
32
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,982
Mr. Johnson, um...
33
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,984
you cleaned out the kitchen at
the end of last year, right?
34
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,986
Yeah.
35
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,446
Wait, did you say last year?
36
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:11,655
Yeah.
37
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,823
Nah.
38
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,492
[ All groan ]
39
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,161
Be kidding.
40
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,079
Guys, this year is
still gonna be great.
41
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,456
[ Clatter, body thuds ]
42
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,999
[ All gasp ]
43
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,586
[ Grunting ]
44
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,669
I wasn't living here.
45
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,089
Ooh, donuts.
46
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,510
[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]
47
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:41,593
♪♪
48
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,314
Janine: A welcome back lolly.
49
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,857
Yay. [ Chuckles ]
50
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,776
Y'all know what time it is.
51
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,611
It's Development
Day. [ Chuckles ]
52
00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,489
Some of the, uh, "grown-ups"
are dreading school starting,
53
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:57,409
but let me be the first to say
"Welcome back" with a lollipop.
54
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,078
Here you go. Thank you.
55
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,370
Melissa.
56
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,374
My lolly.
57
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,042
Barbara, you don't want a
welcome back lollipop, do you?
58
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,627
I'd love one.
59
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,586
Thank you.
60
00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:10,506
Oh, I'm elated to be back.
61
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,341
At the end of the
last school year,
62
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,344
I really found a groove
with the music class.
63
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,138
So I spent all summer
lesson planning
64
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,140
and familiarizing
myself with the music
65
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,434
that the students
love these days.
66
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,603
I've just been re-energized.
67
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,065
It's a new chapter in
the book of Barbara.
68
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,068
Can y'all come take a look
at something real quick?
69
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,527
Like this?
70
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,240
I see we won't be having
any fun this school year.
71
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,995
Somehow, the stove
got all outta place.
72
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,163
We cannot have the
hookups exposed like that.
73
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,665
Not my jurisdiction.
74
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,041
I'll have someone
come check it out.
75
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,335
Oh, please. You don't
got to call anybody.
76
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:52,089
Step aside. I got this. It
just needs a little... love.
77
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,509
The rumors are
true. I'm in love.
78
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,469
His name is O'Shon,
and he works in tech.
79
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,722
You know, when we
first started dating,
80
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,432
everybody was against us.
81
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,641
The district even fired me
82
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,310
to try to break up
our relationship.
83
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,812
And Janine tried to keep me
from getting my job back.
84
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,816
But in spite of it all,
we... we made it through.
85
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:15,404
♪♪
86
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,157
In summary, I go
above and beyond,
87
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,701
because I'm in
love and O'Shon'd.
88
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,202
Ava, for the dozenth time,
89
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,829
you really shouldn't
show us that stuff.
90
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,497
It is an HR violation.
91
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,582
So is your shirt.
92
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,375
Okay. What else?
93
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,377
New counselor coming... boring.
94
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,628
Oh!
95
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,005
Everyone, please welcome
96
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,424
our new fourth grade
teacher, Dominic Clark.
97
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,843
[ Applause ]
98
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,681
Where do I know that
name... I don't know.
99
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,308
Dominic Clark.
100
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,269
Did you star in that
new Tyler Perry movie,
101
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,980
"Madea's Destination Wedding"?
102
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,190
No, Mrs. Howard,
it's me... Dominic.
103
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,233
I was in your
kindergarten class.
104
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,237
[ Gasps ] Dominic.
How could I forget?
105
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,947
You colored everything red.
106
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,199
Still do.
107
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,700
I'm just playing. I
don't do that anymore.
108
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,369
[ Laughter ]
109
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,828
It's just an honor to
be your new colleague.
110
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,080
My new colleague...
111
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,164
Hi, everyone.
112
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,290
Teacher: Hey. How you doing?
113
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,459
Wow, imagine that.
114
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,712
My kindergarten student of
nearly... whoo... 20 years ago
115
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,090
is my new colleague.
116
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,340
Which is crazy, Barbara,
117
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,008
because you guys look
the exact same age.
118
00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:20,511
Yes, we do.
119
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,845
This is not gonna be good.
120
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,555
This is a minefield, okay?
121
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:27,351
That guy is going to set
Barbara back to old grumpy Barb.
122
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,478
Yeah, no. I am on this.
123
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,272
All right. Due to an increase
in middle school students,
124
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,109
Ms. Schemmenti will no longer
be teaching second grade.
125
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,153
She'll be moving up to teach
middle school math in homeroom.
126
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,488
[ All murmur ]
127
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,324
No, no, it's all
right. I already knew.
128
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,743
And, you know, every app is
like sports betting these days.
129
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,620
So I figured this
is an opportunity
130
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,956
for me to refresh my
percentages skills.
131
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,417
And since there aren't enough
second graders for two classes,
132
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,128
Ms. Teagues will now
have 40 students.
133
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,338
I, for one, am excited to
see if it will break her.
134
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,381
It won't.
135
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,549
It might.
136
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,092
Okay, now you're just
doing crowd work.
137
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,385
We're gonna go finish
setting up our classrooms.
138
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,054
Yep. Development Day
over. Good job, team.
139
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,265
Well, did someone say team?
140
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,558
Who's the suit?
141
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:11,186
Oh, right. This paper
skeleton is Craig.
142
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,605
The district sent
him for some reason.
143
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,358
Uh, yes. Good morning,
Abbott Elementary,
144
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,235
and welcome back.
145
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,945
All right!
146
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,781
There it is. Uh, Principal
Coleman is right.
147
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,242
I am here for a reason.
148
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,204
The district thinks Abbott
is a very special school,
149
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,915
and we wanted to
make it more special
150
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,085
by reaffirming some
core district principles
151
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,254
and moral guidelines...
152
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,631
through team building.
153
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,425
[ All groan ]
154
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,136
This is a result of their
no longer trusting us
155
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,013
because of last year's lying.
156
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,556
Extortion of businesses.
157
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,183
Yep, and our annual tradition
158
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,809
of unpermitted shows
and festivities.
159
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,686
Maybe. Yes.
160
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,229
So this is a punishment
161
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,731
couched in team-building
activities?
162
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,024
Yes.
163
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,401
To show we're all one big team
164
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,279
and rebuild the trust between
the district and Abbott
165
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,781
that you all shattered,
166
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,034
I will be leading
everyone in a day
167
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,245
of mandatory
team-building activities.
168
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,623
So without further ado,
169
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:17,127
let's all obligatorily
scoot to the library!
170
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,837
-Whoo!
-I got work to do.
171
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,131
Oh, come on, everybody.
172
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,009
A few team-building
games might be fun.
173
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,469
Oh, not games. Activities.
174
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,264
So, when I was in
175
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,808
your kindergarten
class 20 years ago...
176
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,059
Let me stop you
right there, Dominic.
177
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,977
Oh. Uh-oh. Here we go.
178
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,355
Um, hey, Dom, you
should probably just...
179
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:37,958
You know, I'm trying
to keep my cool...
180
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,985
...but you got me so excited.
181
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,447
My former student
is now my colleague.
182
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,033
Oh, what a blessed
day to be alive!
183
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,495
Hey, Poindexter, whatever
this is, can we hurry it up?
184
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,247
Some of us got real
jobs to get back to.
185
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,498
Yeah, okay.
186
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,458
Uh, to start us off,
187
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,253
you're gonna share something
people know about you
188
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,587
and something they don't.
189
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,297
So I'll start.
190
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,593
Uh, something people do know
about me is that I love my job.
191
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,387
[ All groan ]
192
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,974
Uh, something you don't
know is that I wear a cross,
193
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,351
but I don't believe in God.
194
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,854
But He believes in you.
195
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,690
I'm Barbara Howard,
196
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,652
and one thing you all know
about me is I have a very strong
197
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:27,614
and loving relationship
with God and Gerald.
198
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,117
Oh, but one thing you don't know
199
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,036
is I never used the
Lord's name in vain.
200
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,162
Mnh-mnh.
201
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,039
Melissa.
202
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,292
Sweet baby Jesus. It doesn't
count 'cause it's a baby.
203
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,918
Melissa: Okay, so, sure.
204
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,504
Uh, something that
you know about me
205
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,549
is you already know everything
you need to know about me.
206
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,509
Something you might
not know about me
207
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,469
is that I will smack
you in the mouth.
208
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,389
Okay. Mr. Johnson.
209
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,017
Something you know about me
210
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,644
is I used to work
at Chippendales.
211
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,479
Stop.
212
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,565
Something you don't know is
I swam an entire triathlon.
213
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,358
Well, that's just an athlon.
214
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,818
Wait, why swam?
215
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,403
Easier than riding a kite.
216
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,571
Oh... I think you mean a bike.
217
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,156
I wouldn't know, never rode one.
218
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,699
That's why I swam
the whole thing.
219
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,159
What do you mean
you never rode one?
220
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,827
You have a Tour de France
trophy in your closet.
221
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,955
Yeah, that's for coaching,
which you'd know if you...
222
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,665
if you took the
time to admire it.
223
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:21,918
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but w-what's that smell?
224
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,421
Oh, I love this game. Oh. Yeah.
225
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,298
Uh, it smells like
dead squirrel.
226
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,216
No, it's raccoons.
It's raccoons.
227
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,177
Oh, no. I-I know
what that smell is.
228
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,220
It's Morton! [ Laughs ]
229
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,682
It's not me. Although
it does smell like gas.
230
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,685
I told you, a professional
needs to look at that stove.
231
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,856
It probably is Morton's nasty
ass, but I'll go check it out.
232
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,528
Well, I smell a little
somethin' somethin',
233
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,238
but nothing too crazy, right?
234
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,198
[ Gas hissing ]
235
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,491
Right?
236
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,619
[ Thud ]
237
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,623
Oh, damn.
238
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,086
Oh, damn!
239
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,088
Okay, who would like to go next?
240
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,423
Nobody panic, but I'ma need
everybody to lead with love...
241
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:09,675
outside.
242
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,635
Immediately. Lovingly.
243
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,803
Did I mention I was in love?
244
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,096
Who else got
something to live for?
245
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,388
-What?
-Let's go. Come on.
246
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,726
All right, so the district
will have someone out here
247
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,478
to fix the gas leak.
248
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,522
But what it won't be able to fix
249
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,775
is the fractured moral
infrastructure of this school.
250
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,236
Now, split up into five groups.
251
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,321
Each one will have
a different activity
252
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,240
that I will walk you through.
253
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,282
[ All groan ]
254
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,660
Look, the sooner we finish this,
255
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,913
the sooner you'll be able
to get back to your day.
256
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,541
All right, so what is this,
some kind of metaphor about
257
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,710
how we need to jump-start
our school year?
258
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,962
No, I just didn't realize how
many people there would be,
259
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,171
and those were in my trunk.
260
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,844
You are welcome to come to me
261
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,555
with any problem or
concern, big or small.
262
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,056
I am here to help.
263
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,516
She does have an
office hour, though,
264
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,268
so you might want to, you know,
265
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,103
store a bunch of problems
over several weeks.
266
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:07,065
But if I'm in the office,
those hours are open.
267
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,900
In fact, let me just
give you my cell.
268
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,319
What the heck? Just giving
that sucker away for free?
269
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,823
What? You mad 'cause
your real mom left you,
270
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,700
and now your fake mom
is leaving you, too?
271
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:22,122
No, it's just... Barb's all
happy now, which is great,
272
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,750
but this guy is getting the Barb
I had to work three years for.
273
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,627
Besides, I'm supposed to be the
recipient of her mentors hip.
274
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,005
You know, the up-and-comer
to her veteran ways.
275
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,882
The Scrappy-Doo to her Scoobs.
276
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,800
Now he's Scrappy? I just...
277
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,970
Ooh. Way to go, hoopers.
278
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,974
A fun new wrinkle is to
try with your eyes closed.
279
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,643
And what else is left up for grabs
in the Mystery Gang, you know?
280
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:48,648
Because Gregory's Fred and Jacob
is Velma and Melissa's Daphne.
281
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,233
I'm Daphne.
282
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:53,028
My God, Janine, your
perception is damningly awful.
283
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,905
My point is, who
am I at Abbott now?
284
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,408
Who am I?
285
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,995
Hey, you know, I was
thinking about what you said
286
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,788
about the triathlon.
287
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,583
You really can't ride a bike?
288
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,418
Never had time to learn.
289
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,796
That is wild. You
live such a full life.
290
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,964
I just don't know how riding
a bike got skipped over.
291
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,966
I worked a lot as a kid.
292
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,845
Well, if you want, I can
teach you how to ride a bike.
293
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,388
It's never too late to learn.
294
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,598
What about your group?
295
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,141
They're fine.
296
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,186
Gregory, um... which
direction do I turn?
297
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,813
Uh, Gregory?
298
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,397
Middle schoolers, huh?
299
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,941
Surprised you didn't
mention it all summer,
300
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,692
since, you know, I
teach middle school,
301
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:35,403
and, well, we live together,
so we see each other every day.
302
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,030
Well, what's to
mention? Kids are kids.
303
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,490
The only difference is the math.
304
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,117
I spent the summer
learning to do that, so...
305
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,327
[ Chuckling ] Well, there's
a lot more to it than math.
306
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:45,121
Okay. Preteens are very
different than second graders.
307
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,625
Eh, not really. Just add
a few years and puberty.
308
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,502
I talked to the older
girls all the time.
309
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,255
Well, talking is
great. Talking is fun.
310
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,424
But teaching... the second
you become their teacher,
311
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,301
you become their
enemy, right, Morton?
312
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,637
They're gonna eat you alive.
313
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,307
Okay, no offense, but this
sounds like a you two problem.
314
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,101
Okay, well...
315
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:09,062
you have no idea what
they're capable of.
316
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,773
Yeah. You want a taste?
317
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,567
Uh, gross, but yeah.
318
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,068
Do your worst.
319
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,946
Yeah! Craig, we finished in
320
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,407
what I can only
imagine is record time.
321
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,992
Craig: Amazing. Yes!
322
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,410
You'll never guess
what level two is.
323
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,620
Don't tell me. It's reverse.
324
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,247
It's reverse.
325
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,542
Yeah! Look alive,
people! Reverse, reverse!
326
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,336
Okay, so I'm young
enough to be the ingenue,
327
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,171
but that's been usurped.
328
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,591
Barbara's doing the
optimistic and positive thing.
329
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,134
[ Laughs ]
330
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052
There's not a grump
on the first floor.
331
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,596
I could be the downstairs grump.
332
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,222
Now, see, if you had
a better personality,
333
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,807
you wouldn't have
to search for one.
334
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,517
You could use that
time to find a man.
335
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,812
Okay, you know that
I'm dating Gregory.
336
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,355
That's still happening?
337
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,982
Sorry, I haven't
been able to keep up
338
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,319
ever since I started dating
the world's only real man.
339
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,070
O'Shon.
340
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,197
Good for you. No one cares.
341
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,617
That was my attempt
at being a grump.
342
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,577
I may have overshot it a bit.
343
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,122
All right. I got us a bike.
344
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,916
Okay, Mr. Johnson,
get on up here.
345
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,376
Maybe not right now. My
knees aren't feeling so good.
346
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,337
You know, it's actually better
for your knees than walking.
347
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,500
Well, I forgot my baseball
card to put in the spokes.
348
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,093
All right, come on. No excuses.
349
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,554
Okay. I'll even hold on
until you get the hang of it.
350
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,890
[ Sighs ] Okay, here we go.
351
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,226
Yeah. There you go.
352
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,519
All right. There it is.
353
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,687
Promise not to let go.
354
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,188
I promise.
355
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:38,944
-Pinky promise?
-Well, I can't now.
356
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,320
I'm holding on to the bike.
357
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,905
Ow!
358
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,074
Look, these kids are mean.
359
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,284
One told me, "That's why
your bitch left you, bitch."
360
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,411
I think you're overdoing
it on the B word.
361
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,413
I don't think he's
doing it enough.
362
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,248
Hey, why'd you rat out your
brother and get him locked up?
363
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,125
What?! That never happened!
364
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,794
And scene. I was being a kid.
365
00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,796
We live in a
post-truth landscape,
366
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,547
and these kids hit
below the belt.
367
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,383
Which is where you haven't
been touched in years, snitch.
368
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,134
[ Gasps ] Unless you
count Sweet Cheeks.
369
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,428
You keep my son's name
out your filthy mouth.
370
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,389
And don't even think about
talking back to them,
371
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,099
or you will get written up.
372
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,600
Every day is like an episode
of "Scared Straight."
373
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,018
Take your shoes off!
374
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,062
Okay. Who are we
in this scenario?
375
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,188
Everyone.
376
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,775
You still got me? Hey.
I got you, I got you.
377
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,069
Jacob: And you have to handle
all of this while teaching.
378
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,488
And if even one kid
gets the best of you,
379
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,448
that could be a wrap for
the period or the year.
380
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,118
Oh, no. Unh-unh, these kids
are gonna [bleep] respect me.
381
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,078
Uh-uh-uh! Don't curse.
They will report ya.
382
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,329
Yeah, I'll [bleep] report you.
383
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:32,831
He just cursed!
384
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,958
He can do that, you
see? He's a little boy.
385
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,918
Actually, I'm a little
girl. You ain't hard, homie!
386
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,962
Ok... Yeah, that's
right. You ain't hard.
387
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,006
Just keep moving forward!
388
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,549
Dominic: What?!
You're doing great.
389
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,217
Eight. Eh, seven.
390
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,136
What are we doing now?
Rating you to your face.
391
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,804
Have you ever been called a one
392
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,764
on a day you just
knew you were a 10?!
393
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,182
You're a one! One.
394
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,225
One! One.
395
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,810
One! Stop it! Stop!
396
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,438
Stop? No, no, no. D-Don't
stop. Walk forward.
397
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,231
-There you go. You got it.
-I told you.
398
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,983
-Turn left.
-Left?
399
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,609
No, no, no! Go...
Go right. Go right!
400
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,653
[ Thud, car alarm beeps ]
401
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,821
Aaaahhh!
402
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,323
You promised!
403
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:08,886
You promised you
wouldn't let me fall!
404
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,912
[ Sighs ] Looks like we're
gonna be here all day.
405
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,539
Mm-mm-mm.
406
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,708
New year, same old Abbott.
407
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,501
Mm-mm.
408
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,795
No, just at the top.
Don't have to do it twice.
409
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,051
You an organ donor,
Gregory? Why?
410
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,261
'Cause whatever I break,
you're gonna donate to me.
411
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,096
And I like those
shoulders, Gregory.
412
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,932
Well, today was supposed
to be about building trust
413
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,352
and working together as a team.
414
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,979
And the only thing you
accomplished together
415
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,398
is how to fail in unique ways.
416
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,233
Progress!
417
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,235
And now you get to start
over and do it again.
418
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,487
[ All groan ]
419
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,864
Well, I, for one, can't
stand this, right?
420
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,700
'Cause this guy
sucks. You all suck.
421
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,911
And this whole day
sucks. Right, guys?
422
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,955
Well, it may suck, but
if we don't finish today,
423
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,791
we can always come
back on the weekend.
424
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,294
[ All groaning ] No.
425
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,546
Hey, Ava. Listen, um, you know,
426
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,924
I was thinking about this
whole grade-switch thing,
427
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,342
and I think it might be better
428
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,260
if Janine did the
swap instead of me,
429
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,138
'cause, uh, Sweet Cheeks
is afraid of heights,
430
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,183
so, you know, for him, it's
ground floor or nothing.
431
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,435
Um, no. Guinea pigs
are from the Andes.
432
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,354
They're not afraid of heights.
433
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,230
All right, listen, I...
434
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,692
A change this big,
I just don't know
435
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,571
if I'm, like, exactly up for it.
436
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,281
[ Sighs ]
437
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,200
[ As Melissa ] "Zero
problem whatsoever."
438
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,202
"Bring it on."
439
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,329
"Those kids are about to get
a lesson in learning lessons,
440
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,498
and you can quote me on that."
441
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,167
That's what you said in June
when I asked you about this.
442
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,460
There's no going back.
443
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,253
Here. This'll cheer you up.
444
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,715
That's O'Shon
shirtless in Wildwood.
445
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,092
It is.
446
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,594
No, actually, it kinda helps.
447
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,179
It sure does. [ Chuckles ]
448
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,514
Good job.
449
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,475
Hey, Mel. So, about before.
450
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,144
You were totally
busting my chops about
451
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,937
how the sixth
graders act, right?
452
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,981
I knew it. Mr. Morton:
No, we weren't.
453
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,649
And those were just
the experiences
454
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,192
that I haven't repressed yet.
455
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:08,820
Morton...
456
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,905
Sorry.
457
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,824
Janine. I could really use a
positive spin on my situation.
458
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,577
You're screwed.
459
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,245
You are not the
two. You are the...
460
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,289
One. Girlfriend!
461
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,417
I have seen you handle
challenges far more difficult
462
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,752
than a bunch of sixth graders.
463
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,130
You got this.
464
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,716
Thanks, Barb. I appreciate it.
465
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,259
Hey, you wouldn't want to
take a shot at the sixth grade
466
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,469
this year, would ya?
467
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,804
[ Laughs ]
468
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,848
I'd rather retire.
469
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:40,476
I am so lucky to be around such
a veteran like Mrs. Howard.
470
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,853
Duh.
471
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,563
She's the greatest
teacher ever. Right?
472
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,274
I just wish I could ask her
a couple more questions,
473
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,317
but I don't want to
keep bothering her.
474
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,446
You think maybe I
could text her later?
475
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,115
Oh, my God, we get it. You
have her cellphone number.
476
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,998
What'd you want to ask her?
477
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,250
Ah, it's pretty
basic. I just, uh...
478
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,671
Should I take roll as soon as
class starts in the morning?
479
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,257
Oh, no. 10-minute grace period.
480
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,675
A lot of the kids take SEPTA.
481
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,177
It's a whole thing.
482
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,804
I learned the hard
way in my first year.
483
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,140
I'm sure I'm gonna have to learn
the hard way a thousand times.
484
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,142
Oh, yeah, you definitely will.
485
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,268
And you're gonna want to scream
486
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,937
and contemplate
your life choices.
487
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,355
And it's all normal.
488
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,359
If you have any more questions
489
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,570
and... and Barbara's busy,
you can always just ask me.
490
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,447
I appreciate that.
491
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,823
It's what I'm here for.
492
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,619
Janine: That is who I am now.
I don't have to be a grump.
493
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,746
I can be me and be a mentor.
494
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,457
I'm gonna put the
"me" in mentor.
495
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,125
Me-ntor.
496
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:50,296
The teacher has
become... the teacher.
497
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,173
I need to get out of the sun.
498
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,967
I just can't ride a bike, okay?
499
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,136
Look, they say you fall down
seven times, you stand up eight.
500
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,264
I gotta fall six more times?
501
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,307
Hey, how's it going over here?
502
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,892
Bad.
503
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,060
He's scared to get
back on the bike.
504
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,187
Okay, well, I could help.
505
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,563
I'm a brand-new me. [ Chuckles ]
506
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,148
What do you mean?
You sound the same.
507
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,567
Oh, you missed a whole thing.
508
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,193
I went through a bunch of
different personalities.
509
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,903
Landed here. Still
sound the same.
510
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,738
Oh, I'll tell you
about it later. Okay.
511
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,700
But, Mr. Johnson, I know
you can ride the bike
512
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,452
because I believe in you.
513
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,540
I know what to do.
514
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,917
Uh, everyone, stop what you're
doing and come over here.
515
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,919
Mr. Johnson needs our help.
516
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,714
No, no. Please don't
do that, please.
517
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,883
If we don't finish, you have
to come in on the weekend.
518
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,720
You look like a guy that
loves coming in on weekends.
519
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:39,971
Monday through Friday...
520
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,514
the best days of the
week to you, huh?
521
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,182
No. My weekends rule.
522
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,267
Yeah, okay.
523
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,394
Janine: All right,
let's go, Mr. J.
524
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,271
Yeah, what's the worst
that could happen?
525
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,480
I fall over and die.
526
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,941
Well, that's just... fair.
527
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,236
Look, Mr. Johnson, if you fall,
528
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,822
we will catch you,
I promise, okay?
529
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,240
All right. All right.
All right, everyone.
530
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,908
Ready to get back
up on this horse?
531
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,037
Riding a horse is easy.
It's bikes I'm afraid of.
532
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,872
Hey, you got this, all right?
533
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,832
All right, here we go. Ready?
534
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,792
-Go!
-Come on, Mr. J.
535
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,169
-You got it.
-Come on, Mr. J.
536
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,380
Come on, you got it. You got it.
537
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:19,218
[ Cheers and applause ]
538
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,386
Yeah!
539
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:25,016
Go, Mr. J! Go, Mr. J!
540
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:28,353
I feel like we're
starting to lose focus.
541
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,481
You all need to prove
your virtuousness.
542
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,773
Craig?
543
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,737
Isn't that what we're
doing right here? Huh?
544
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,156
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
545
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,659
Well, maybe this qualifies as
completion of team building.
546
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,495
Wait, really? Yes.
547
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,955
Also, I have tickets to
the Ren Faire this weekend,
548
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,540
so I'm gonna need this to count.
549
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,208
Okay.
550
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,171
Fixed the leak. Good news...
551
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,090
killed a bunch of
mice in your walls.
552
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,509
Bad news... it ain't my
job to get rid of 'em.
553
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,179
Worse news... I noticed
you have HVAC issues.
554
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,722
What you mean, like
A/C and heat and stuff?
555
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,099
Yep.
556
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,392
And you're not gonna
have any of that
557
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,727
if you don't get a
specialist in here.
558
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,354
You got someone to handle this?
559
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,356
Well, I'm sure
Mr. Johnson's on top of it.
560
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,400
He's around here somewhere.
561
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,695
[ Screams ] Gregory didn't
teach me how to stop!
562
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,571
Just use the handlebar brake!
563
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,781
It's a fixie. Just
stop pedaling!
41237
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