Original subtitles

Look, I don't like the evacuation drills either, but they're not my ideas.

-It's state-mandated. -State-mandated.

You love 'em, you hate them. It doesn't matter. We have to do them.

He literally doesn't care how you guys feel about anything.

Okay, anyway, next bit of business I'm gonna pass on to Mr. Santana. Rick.

What is going on? Rick is, like, second-in-command?

I don't know what's going on. I talked to Grant about it. He won't say.

Putting Rick in any kind of authority position is insane.

That's a really bad idea.

Guys, can we keep the chatter to a minimum?

This is a fucking nightmare.

Starting today, we are gonna be welcoming Corporal Sergeant

Or is it first something?

First Sergeant? No, first responder.

Lieutenant Colonel. Whatever.

A US Army guy to the school to do some recruiting.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah! He's gotta be a sergeant, at least.

-An E-5, at least, to do recruiting. -Recruiting. Fucking euphemism.

No, no, no, no, no. It's just a word. Don't euphemize this.

-Okay. I just have to say -Evan? Evan?

-Just let me say -You already said it.

-Do we really want to be encouraging this? -Yes.

-Yes, of course. We have no choice. -Yes.

College people came last week.

Good schools, bad schools, schools I don't even think exist.

-Like, literally, what is Grinnell? -That's a real college.

Someone told me they got into Grinnell last year.

I literally thought they were making that up to save face.

This army recruiter is coming to the school

to basically try to convince these students into joining the army,

where they're put into serious danger.

It's literally the plot of All Quiet on the Western Front.

This coming from the guy who brought a drag queen to school.

-That was funny. -Is this a gays in the military thing?

No, but now you bring that up, the military just banned trans people,

-so, yeah, it is. -Do not look at me there, bud.

-I play Call of Duty as a trans character. -Good for you.

-Huge knockers on her too. -Damn. Those sound big.

You're yapping away because you feel left out.

You feel the same way about the military that you do football.

You don't get it. So now you gotta take a moral stance against it.

You just want to be included.

You think I don't like the military because I don't feel included?

-And here we are, living in Evan's house. -No. No.

-We're all just paying rent. -Hey, adjourn it, adjourn it.

-Meeting adjourned. -You have adjourning powers?

-Meeting adjourned. -This is insane.

Grab me an apple pie at lunch.

-Already? -I guess I'll just take the shortcut.

There's no shortcut.

Gwen. There's only one way to class.

♪ When you say we belong to the light ♪

♪ We belong to the thunder ♪

Hey, James.

♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪

♪ We've both fallen under ♪

Be right in, guys.

Churchill! Hello, FDR. We need you.

Shut that for me. We need you to destroy them!

♪ We belong ♪

France just got overtaken, and the bombs are going off. This is crazy.

The Luftwaffe

The bombs are just exploding.

-Shh. -Couldn't even be in class

without being afraid.

-Oh, my God. -The bombs. Crazy, right?

-Jennifer Lopez is still alive. -No way.

Guys, oh, my God. Are you all on your phones? Seriously?

What are you listening to, a YouTube video?

-A podcast. -What podcasts would talk about that?

Stars That Are Alive.

Is this what you're looking at?

I'm not listening to that. I'm texting.

Okay, guys, enough. I worked so hard on this lesson.

Okay, now none of you are looking at me. Everybody look at me.

Ms. Sanders, we're multitasking.

Okay, we could look at our phones and pay attention to you.

Right. So you were multitasking. Okay, so what was I talking about?

Some shit about Jennifer Lopez.

-Oh, yeah, her middle name's Lynn. -See?

Okay, I am going to get the bin. That's right.

I've been the nice teacher, you guys.

I'm your favorite teacher. I know I am.

But now we're just gonna collect these phones.

What? No, wait up.

We're collecting the phones at the beginning of class in the bin.

You're already more focused, huh? Jason, let's go.

Hold on. I'ma FaceTime my grandma. She's in the hospital.

No! This is not your grandma. This is Candy Crush.

-She needs help. She's got arthritis. -All grandmas have arthritis.

Give me your phones. In the bin!

What's a Fly Girl?

Oh, my God, I'm so excited to teach you now.

This is gonna be so much better. Ah!

And the key is the bin. Trust me, guys, you gotta use the bin.

-You gotta do the bin. -You sound like Seinfeld.

You gotta do the bin. Bin, bin, bin.

It's simple. It's like a drug to them. It's like heroin.

Every classroom has a bin for this reason,

so I'm just actually doing something about it.

-I'm enforcing it. -Like they should be doing at the border.

-Collecting people's phones? -No. Enforcing the law.

-Oh, my God. -I love this Italian dressing.

It's, like, sour. Sour.

There he is. Damn, look at that guy.

That I mean, guy is legit, dude.

Put anybody in that outfit, they look like G.I. Joe.

That guy could probably crack open a lobster claw

without a lobster claw opener.

That is such a weird metric.

-Come meet my guy. -He gets a whistle now?

-We should go say hi. -I don't understand

-what this new level of authority is. -Be nice. You be nice.

Nice. Ev, I see it in your eyes, dude.

-Don't do it, please. -Uh-huh.

Don't bring up the military-industrial complex.

All I'm asking is show him some respect.

He puts his life on the line for you.

Probably sits at a desk all day in Virginia, so

We should really go. I mean, he's gotta stop blowing that whistle.

Don't say anything. Bite your tongue.

Seth, these are the original homies. We got Markie, Evan, Gwen.

Hi. You know, thank you for your service.

Thank you. Evan. What's your...

Yeah, Evan. Or, actually, in the confines of the school,

I prefer Mr. Marquez. Thanks.

I respect that, and I appreciate your candor.

And also speaking of the school, I have a list of students,

and we've got quite a few here, that just aren't gonna do shit with their lives,

and I'll show each and every one of them to you.

Fish in a barrel type situation for you.

We only want the young adults who choose to be with us.

Right. Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. That's what I'm Yeah.

You and I are a lot alike, brother.

I was in ROTC. Almost signed up too.

-I appreciate your effort. -Thanks for trying, bud.

So what, these kids are on a simulated VR battlefield or something?

I mean, clearly they're looking for mines right now.

-Where are they? Syria? Fallujah, even? -Not at all, Michael.

-Markie... -This is an immersive experience

where they get to see what it's like to be a soldier firsthand.

This is so sick. I'm literally the first one on the plane.

That guy's my favorite. He should be on the front lines.

They're boarding an airplane?

Well, they're boarding first, as soldiers do.

-Damn right. -I have as much overhead room as I'd like.

This is ridiculous.

I think it's cool. I think it's cool as shit.

-It's not cool, Mikey. -Markie.

-It's informative. -Right. No, I was saying "cool,"

you know, just for myself.

I was being informative by saying it out loud

and also for Mr. Marquez here, to inform him.

So, I guess that

-So that will wrap it up. -Do your stuff.

You guys are welcome back, but you gotta behave next time.

You know, I never do this,

but I'll actually have a tomato juice. Thank you.

Are they in first class?

Okay, guys, Ms. Sanders is doing this, so we're gonna try it too.

-Phones in the bin. -Phones in the bin.

-God, I love this bin. -That's fascism.

There will never be a reason why you need cell phones in class.

So what if there's an emergency?

What if my step dad's girlfriend calls me?

Why would your step dad's girlfriend call you, Tiffany?

-To talk. -That's cool.

We have a landline in here in case the office needs to call.

Does anybody know how this works?

What are these old 2000s phones?

Do you, guys Give me your real phones. Why do you have second phones?

In case someone takes our phones away.

Today, I want you all to write essays by hand.

Could you text my mom and ask her if I'm right- or left-handed?

Okay, everybody just relax.

Tray, is your back okay? Why are you standing?

Are we not supposed to stand when we write? It's what you do.

-I'm done with this one. -Thank you.

I need to take that. My doctor died.

Landlines are just cell phones now. It's not connected to anything.

-I did not notice a difference. -Yeah, I had some hiccups today.

-Hey, team. -Oh, my God.

I'm opening up the VR experience to the teachers.

Yeah, I'll definitely be down for that.

Rick's in it right now, but

I'm on the plane even before this family with six kids.

Get out of the way, bitch. I'm boarding.

-That looks fun. -Dude, those Oakleys are sick.

Are they Standard Issue?

They got polarization for enhanced target acquisition?

I got 'em at Ross.

Whoa.

You can get good deals there.

Becca, are you wearing a sweatshirt that says "Kuwait"?

Yeah, Kuwait. I made it because I'm enlisting in the army or whatever.

-There you go. -You're enlisting in the army?

-And you're going to Kuwait? -I don't know, probably.

Seth told me I won't know where I'm deployed for a while.

He's so smart. He made all these really good points

about seeing the world and how expensive college is

and something called "priority checked baggage."

Becca, don't let this guy trick you

into going to fight some war in the Middle East.

It's just nation building.

Cool. How long do you think he's spent on that pickleball court?

Dude, time does not exist when you're unemployed

and that dude is chronically unemployed.

That's why the WNBA actually loses more money than it makes.

Nick is still out there so late?

Building a pickleball court is cool.

-Hello. -My guy!

Somebody texted me, said you guys are hanging out?

Who texted him?

That would be me. Guilty as charged, Your Honor.

I'm a staff sergeant, Markie, not a judge.

Well, no, I know. I was just saying it to Evan.

He's not a judge either. He's an English teacher.

Right on. Right you are, brother.

I invited you over 'cause I thought you could use a little well-deserved R & R

while here in our beautiful city.

What can we get you? We got beer.

-Right? We got seltzer. -Yeah.

-I'm fine. -Agua, brew of the gods.

-Yeah. -Well, mi casa, su casa, so

-This is your house? -No, but, you know, I wish.

It's actually my house, and I want to just make sure you know that this is for you.

Thank you.

I'm gonna start paying my taxes 'cause of guys like you.

This so crazy. What are we supposed to do? What's the protocol?

I don't know. This whole thing is so messed up.

Like, he's basically just indoctrinating our students all day,

and now we're supposed to just chill with him and act like it's normal?

-Yeah. -Hey.

I gotta get some pretzels at the old mess hall.

John McCain, right? Oh

Do you like movies, Evan?

Uh, do I like movies? Yeah, I don't know.

People, everybody likes movies, don't they?

I mean, who doesn't fucking like movies?

-What are you doing? -Just looking for Looper.

-The Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie? -You've never seen Looper?

It's like a future self killing a past self, or vice versa?

That sounds fun.

It's a little more than fun, Evan. It's extremely important film.

-Oh. -Yeah.

Listen, Seth, I need to talk to you about Becca.

-Which one's Becca? -Becca, the blonde girl

that you recruited into the US military.

Right. Becca.

I'm not sure why she thinks she's going to Kuwait.

There's a chance that you ruined Becca's life,

and you did that with a lot of lies

and a lot of promises of early boarding.

I didn't promise her anything. She came to me and said she was lost.

I told her this could give her some structure, discipline.

Set the stage for her future life.

She has no idea what's going on, basically ever.

-Can I ask you a question? -Sure.

Am I the first military service member you've ever met?

No. No, I've met army people.

Well, maybe you're the first one I've ever, like, talked to

in depth. Yeah.

I understand. Everybody has their own opinions about the military,

and they forget that it's not some big scary, abstract monolith.

It's hundreds of thousands of individuals coming together

to do something they actually believe in.

Just like you do with teaching.

I mean, it's not a bad point.

Don't really know anything about the military unless you count,

like, going to Barry's Bootcamp.

-You do Barry's? -I know.

I know, it's not like actual boot camp.

No, no, no, no, it's a great workout.

Believe it or not, those calisthenics,

very similar to what we do in boot camp.

-Oh, really? -Mm-hmm.

I thought I thought it was, like, a gimmick.

If you're doing that daily, you're probably in better shape

-than most of the guys down at the base. -No, I'm not.

What y'all laughing about? Me eating shit at the top of the stairs just now?

You fell down the stairs? We didn't see that.

-Yeah. You know, that happens. -You're bleeding.

-No, that was like that. No big deal. -So what's the appeal, Evan?

Is it the physical results

or the mental toughness it takes to push yourself every day?

I think it's just I'm not gonna work out as hard

unless somebody's yelling at me.

You gotta be broken down before you can be built back up first, am I right?

Yeah.

If you want to go to Barry's with me, you're welcome.

Thanks, man. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Hey, Seth, do you do army recruiting for adults?

-I do. -Wait, come meet my boyfriend, Nick.

-See ya in a bit. Yeah. -See ya.

He's kind of, like, cooler than I thought.

-Can I ask you something, Ev? -Mm-hmm.

Something off about that guy?

Don't think there's anything off about him.

He seems normal enough for somebody who stands for everything I object to.

Nah. Something's off, man.

And then as soon as I start showing Seth some respect,

which is exactly what Markie was, like, nagging me about,

Markie suddenly says there's something "off" about him.

His feelings were hurt.

'Cause, like, Markie likes being your one straight, loud, hetero friend, right?

This is not a threat to that.

You know, you met somebody else and you just immediately,

like, jump ship to this new, better masculine friend.

-Did Markie tell you this? -No, he didn't need to. Oh, my God.

So I didn't mean to do that. Does that get me any points?

No one ever means to do anything these days.

Am I supposed to talk to Markie about this?

No, he's already hurt. You don't wanna embarrass him.

This feels very 15-year-old girl social-clique-coded.

Like I'm supposed to cry in the bathroom until he notices.

No, don't cry in the bathroom. You cry in your car like an adult.

Great workout this morning.

-Did so many jump squats. -I got something for you.

Right, Federal Flakes. These are really cool.

-But it's good you keep them... -Insane amount of protein.

-Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. -Yeah.

-Hell yeah. All right. -All right.

How's it going?

It's going.

-Okay, did you see the game last night? -Yeah, man.

-Down to the wire, right? -Yeah.

What did you think? You thought they were gonna call that on fourth down?

I don't know. I'm just trying to make conversation.

Yeah, I figured.

-You're mad at me, aren't you? -No, come on.

What do I have to be mad about? What? What?

-What have you decided I'm mad about? -You're mad.

You're mad I've been hanging out with Seth and connecting with him.

No, it's all good. I don't care about that at all.

Yo, Ev.

Drop and give me five?

Drop and give me five.

It was an inside joke from Barry's this morning.

He's lying about something. He's fucking full of shit.

-What? -That guy is a fraud.

That's not even his real voice.

Hey, Evan. Evan, do you want to go work out at Barry's Bootcamp?

-Some people talk like that. -I'm just saying, dude.

-I don't want to see you get tricked. -Tricked into what?

He's gonna enlist me in the military? We went to an exercise class together.

-Hey, guys. -What?

I gotta talk to Seth about

some adjustments that need to be made.

So if anyone starts shooting, just try to stop it.

Rick, how would we stop somebody shooting?

I don't know, man.

-It's more just a gesture. -Whoa.

Do you think it's weird that Rick is, like, in charge of stuff now?

I feel like I just can't figure out

if Grant is actually giving him these powers

or if he's, like, freestyling.

I hadn't noticed.

This is so weird.

This may be the first time you've ever been mad at me.

I am not mad, okay?

You would know it if I was mad, brother.

This is me on high alert. That's all this is.

I am intuitive.

Yeah.

Exactly, exactly.

So Reverend Hale is no longer the same character

as he was in act one, right?

He was a true believer before, but now he's starting to have these doubts.

So what Tiffany was saying, that's what we call a dynamic character, right?

Y'all, who's that man?

Who?

I don't know. That's just some guy. Guys, focus up.

I feel like we should call someone. That man looks ill.

I'm sure he's like a landscaper. He's out doing something with the bushes.

I don't think people do landscaping in UGGs.

He's cute. Can I have my phone, please? I need to take a picture of him.

No, no, no. We're doing really good. Focus up. Look, no phones

-I think he's trying to tell us something. -Reverend

Just stop, stop looking out here. Focus, focus.

You guys are addicted to distractions.

I'm addicted to the old man now.

Take your phones. Now you can check your notifications.

Good class. Tomorrow we're doing -I got that too.

-What's up? -We got a silver alert.

Silver alert? What is that? That's like a missing senior?

Missing endangered adult Rodrick Hauser.

If I have a son, I'm totally naming him Rodrick.

We could have saved him if we had our phones.

You think that's that guy? That's

-Last seen in gray sweatpants -Guys.

-And UGGs. -And UGGs.

I'm sure that's a coincidence.

-How many old men do you think there are? -Shit.

My granddad died like this. Because of people like you.

I don't want you to feel bad.

I'm just saying we probably literally would have found this old guy

if the kids had had their phones.

And you told us not to have our phones.

Yeah, but you shouldn't have shut the blinds on him.

I shut the blind 'cause I thought it was a landscaper.

Evan. Great news. I spoke with the police.

What? They found him? He's okay?

I don't know that.

But they said we bear no responsibility, so I'm taking it as a win.

Hey, boss, I'll see you tomorrow, at which point we can circle back

on those issues of which we've previously spoken.

What issues? Grant, just stop for a second.

What actually is the deal with Rick's new position?

-Yeah, is he like your deputy now? -Oh, shit. Old man, 10:00.

Oh, God, not on school property. Keep walking.

-Keep walking. -This is like It Follows.

Should I call the cops?

140 yards out, south by southeast. He's movin'.

I don't think he's gonna get way, Markie.

He is. Oh, shit, he's Wait, should I do something?

-Leave that to me. -Oh, my God.

-Seth, what are you doing here? -I just wanted to come say

I really enjoyed getting to know you.

That's so nice of you. Thank you.

Here you go.

Looper, that's awesome.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take out my loop.

You think that's your loop?

-All right. -I don't have any way to watch this.

It's time to close the loop!

-Oh, my God. -I haven't seen the movie.

What does that mean if he's gonna take out his loop?

-Everybody move! -Over the red line.

Over the red line. Over the red line.

-Yes! Yes! Yes! -Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God, I'm so glad I have my phone. -Keep filming this.

-This man is from the future! -Yes, yes, yes.

I mean, that's horrible, but it's horrible over there and someone else's problem.

Stand down! Stand down!

Okay, maybe I don't want to join the army anymore.

Don't like the way they treat old people.

I mean, I was just starting to warm up to the idea of you enlisting.

A lot of benefits. It could add structure to your life.

I wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into.

It's all gonna make sense in 30 years.

Do you think the Time War is real?

What is that?

Evan! I did this for you!

Seth, the armed forces recruiter, he won't be joining us anymore.

We now know that he was lying about his qualifications, exaggerating his rank.

The dude was insane.

He said that his role in the military was to get rid of all the loopers on Earth.

Told ya. I knew it.

I recognize stolen valor when I see it.

Maybe the military will send a real recruiter.

The military sent this guy to our school?

-I mean, I hired him. I hired him. -Oh, my God.

Calm! Let me explain.

I met the dude at an army surplus store.

He seemed legit 'cause he sounded like Batman.

Said he had a message to the kids about the future.

And then I found out he got dishonorably discharged.

And that one wasn't a red flag for you?

I thought "dishonorably discharged" meant he came early.

-Oh, my God. -I didn't know it was some other shit.

Can we agree to just not tell anyone about any of this?

We won't tell anybody.

Don't mention this to anybody ever again. All right? Okay.

All right, guys, meeting adjourned.

Meeting adjourned, guys.

-Hey! Meeting adjourned. -Meeting adjourned. Meeting adjourned.

Oh, thank you so much.

-What a week. -Indeed, brother.

Insane week.

Are we good, Markie, you and me?

What? Why are you being so emotional this week?

I don't know.

You know, I was thinking about this stuff you said about being included,

and I think you're kind of right.

I did feel left out of military stuff.

The second Seth made me feel like I was a part of it, I kind of liked it.

Yeah, now you know I'm always right. About everything, in my opinion.

We all just want to be included, don't we?

I don't give a shit about being included. I'm independent.

Right.

You know what I was thinking we never done? We always talk about it?

-Yeah? What? -Working out together.

I've offered so many times, but you blow it off,

so I just kind of figured you weren't into it.

How about Saturday?

-Saturday morning? Yeah. -For real?

Hit the weights, do some power squats, military press?

I was thinking more maybe like go to Barry's Bootcamp.

That's too gay for me, but

You know what, man, fuck it. You wanna do it? Let's do it.

I'd love to.

-Awesome. -Yeah? Text me.

Hey, you don't happen to have a DVD player, do you?

Single disc or like a 5-disc changer?

-Single's good. -Cool.

♪ Still, you say we belong to the light ♪

♪ We belong to the thunder ♪

♪ We belong ♪ -♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪

♪ We've both fallen under ♪

♪ Whatever we deny or embrace ♪

♪ For worse or for better ♪

♪ We belong ♪

♪ We belong, we belong together ♪

♪ We belong ♪

♪ We belong to the light We belong to the thunder ♪

♪ We belong ♪ -♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪

♪ We've both fallen under ♪

♪ Whatever we deny or embrace ♪

♪ For worse or for better ♪

♪ We belong ♪