Original subtitles

Doctor, we're stuck.

No, we're moving forward!

- I feel I'm backtracking. - So do it.

- Backtrack! - So I jump better jump?

You're not jumping, Damien!

You'll see, Doctor!

Don't even think it!

Damien, listen to me.

- The firemen are here. - Why did you call?

Because he'll fall!

It's his 6th attempt. It's emotional blackmail.

- He's faking? - I didn't say that.

I'm faking? Farewell, Doctor!

No!

He's jumping!

Look up!

Listen, I understand.

I was wrong, but I finally found a solution.

Really?

Give me your hand and we'll go in.

Flavie, clutch my belt.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand.

Got him, now pull, Flavie!

There we go!

Thanks, Captain. It's over.

6 times in 3 months is a bit much.

It won't happen again, Captain.

Why not let me jump?

You wouldn't have done it. Lie down.

Lie down.

You've tried 6 times and never succeeded.

You never believe me!

Of course I do.

No.

I think you're a hypochondriac. And claustrophobic.

And you have fear of birds.

And I know your self-destructive impulse

is an unconscious response to the question:

"How do I make others love me?"

Okay but where's the solution in that gobbledygook?

My solution consists first in stopping sessions.

- Abandoning me? - No!

I intend to see you again.

Really?

When?

Once you've decided to find love.

Jung said something very pertinent.

Love is the meeting of two neurotics.

This woman,

your neurotic soulmate, exists somewhere.

The wheel will turn, in the right direction.

But what if I don't find her?

You have to...

One second.

The session's over. Sorry.

Too easy. Can I say something?

I won't miss you, not one bit!

Excellent reaction! The start of reconstruction.

Yeah, right. Bye, Flavie. I'll go reconstruct.

That's the problem with you, Damien.

Fear of birds.

Claustrophobic.

Hypochondriac.

Find love!

The woman of your dreams.

Love is the meeting of two neurotics.

This woman exists somewhere.

The wheel turns, Damien.

Somewhere.

Find your soulmate

Out of our lives, Flavie!

He's out of our lives!

Sorry, my reaction isn't too orthodox.

Honestly, you understand me.

What a pain!

He made me suffer today.

No judgments, he's ill.

He owes you for four sessions.

- Really? - He didn't pay the last 4.

Well, it's the price of peace. We'll let it slide.

And this session makes 5?

Exactly.

Shit.

Love at first sight

FAMILY THERAPY

ONE YEAR LATER

- Smash ! - Fuck!

30-40, match point.

We know, no need to shout.

Focus and play!

Serving!

Out! Second serve.

Thanks, I know.

Inexorably, we're getting there.

Can't you shut up?

Who's talking? I'll distract him at the net.

I knew it!

Game, set and match.

We tired you out, guys.

What a pain!

Fuck!

Come now, Franck! You can't accept losing?

You have no emotional distance!

Come to my office.

As colleagues.

Meaning what? 15 years of therapy at 180 a session?

Thanks, I'll buy a new racket.

What do you charge to hypnotize someone?

110 euros, Doctor.

I find that expensive for a totally unpredictable method.

You're starting again?

Hypnosis is the future!

Great results, and very fast!

All right.

Psychoanalysis is long and lucrative.

Hello? Yes, honey.

You don't sound well, what's wrong?

Don't fret, losers.

Don't forget: in two weeks, party in Thonon!

Work on your développé. Feet forward!

Port de tête!

I'm a little horse, I scratch the floor.

I scratch the floor.

Georgia, foot forward.

Arm up.

I'm coming.

Coming alone? What a shame!

Your mother wanted to meet him.

Whenever I introduce you to someone, you analyze him.

Nathan manic-depressive, Mathieu sociopathic, Thomas schizo.

Very minor tendencies... anyway, listen.

It's clumsy, an occupational hazard.

It won't happen again, I promise.

- I'll wait and see. - I promise, Alice.

Trust me, honey.

It's your choice, but it's a shame.

It's our 30th anniversary. You're our only child.

That would be our best gift.

All right, so for now it's no.

- No. - That's a no, yes fine.

All right, that's a no.

No!

- Not that look. - I said nothing!

No, but you haven't introduced us to anyone in a while.

Should I wait to tell her?

No, I'll tell her.

You've reached Dr. Beranger's voicemail.

Leave a message after the beep.

Dad, you win. You can tell Mom I'm coming with my gift.

We get in at 2 pm. Love you.

Delicious.

Querida...

- Your coffee. - Thanks, hon.

You'll see...

So much better than coffee from capsules!

- I'm glad Alice is bringing her beau! - Me too.

What's his name?

I didn't ask because...

when I'm too intrusive, she gets upset.

You're right, good idea.

You're making progress.

I hope it'll last all weekend.

No problem, rest assured, trust me.

- Are you sure? - Trust me!

- My parents will love you. - Think so?

You're handsome.

Funny.

- You do great tattoos. - Thanks, how kind.

And that lovely voice!

- A lovely voice? - Yes.

- Teasing me? - Yes.

But it's what my mother will tell you. She teaches music.

We are pulling into Thonon-Les-Bains.

We're here!

The TGV 7446 is arriving on platform B.

Step away from the tracks.

Cathy and Jean will meet us.

The caretakers. It's a tradition. Antoine may come too.

Who's Antoine?

Their son. In love with me forever.

He better keep quiet or I'll kill him.

He won't say much, he's deaf.

- Very sensitive. - Meaning?

Sometimes he reacts oddly.

Don't worry, I work with inmates.

It's funny, a young inmate taught me sign language.

Really?

- Meaning? - You and me forever.

Do you like sodomy?

- So cute. - The kid loved me.

Antoine!

My friend Damien.

He knows sign language.

Just a little.

How did you two meet?

He speaks too fast.

Come this way, follow me.

Look! Steamboats!

I rode them as a kid.

You lied. She's your girlfriend.

Not just a friend.

Yes, exactly.

Stop!

Look at the road!

I don't know what irked him. To avoid another scene,

wait at the bar and I'll come back for you.

He could throw you overboard!

He's done it before.

- I'm panicky. - Huh?

Nothing...

See you soon. Sorry about that.

Yeah... not as sorry as me.

Excellent! Honey, they're here!

Here they come!

She came alone?

Where is he? I don't see him.

Doctor...

Antoine had another jealousy fit.

He attacked Alice's friend.

Is he hurt?

His head hit the window.

All right, I see.

- No worries, I'll get him. - Me too.

No!

I'll go alone, hon.

He has a red flight jacket.

- A what? - A red flight jacket.

How are you?

Good timing. I have a customer with a panic attack.

- Your specialty? - Not why I'm here.

Yes but... he's not well.

- Okay, where is he? - Recovering over there.

- The man with the sweater? - Yeah.

Sir?

Are you not unwell?

Holy shit!

Dr. Beranger?

Shit!

- Dr. Beranger? - Damien.

Why the hell are you here?

This is unbelievable!

You'll be proud, I'm cured!

I met her! We're getting married thanks to you!

Is that your red jacket?

Yes, it's mine.

Are you sure?

Positive, why?

Don't say you're marrying my daughter.

No, because my fiancée's name is Alice.

My daughter's name is Alice.

That'd be funny.

Not really.

Relax, my fiancée's last name is Buarque.

- Not Beranger. - Buarque!

Her mother's maiden name!

Oh fuck.

I'm panicky...

Relax, we'll figure this out.

Hervé, can I borrow your car?

Hervé, your car!

- Careful! - You, follow me.

Doctor, I like your look. You're cool.

Not like in your office.

I'm on vacation. I don't see patients on vacation.

Take the next train home.

- Home? - Yes, wherever you live.

As far as possible from here.

Honey? Are you in the boat?

No, we're in a car.

Put her on. Hello?

Are you in the car or the boat?

We're in a car, because Hervé lent us his.

To go where?

- The boat. - It's close!

I know, it's close, but it's so Damien won't faint.

- Faint? - But he's fine, he's just fine!

- Don't worry, we'll cross... - You promised!

Be cool.

Now we'll take the boat, perfect. Honestly...

Why does the idiot put his pirate there?

Why am I getting upset?

Relax, relax.

Relax.

You knocked over my pirate, Doctor!

He'll get back on his feet.

Doctor?

Can you not tell Alice you were my shrink?

You hid your problem from her?

Bad idea, you're a very serious case.

I'm getting better so don't spoil things!

What do you think? I'm sworn to confidentiality!

I'll leave you the day to come clean

and to give her time to think it over.

Before she says yes. Understand?

I'm seasick.

It's normal, we stopped. Once we speed up, you'll be fine.

Hold on, old chap.

I said I'm seasick.

This is a lake. Are you lake-sick? I'll add it to your file.

I'll tie the back.

Give your friend a hand. He doesn't have sea legs.

Don't ruin my cushions!

Hello!

You brought the sun!

Damien Leroy, my pleasure.

Paloma Buarque-Béranger.

Thank you for inviting, ma'am.

You have a lovely voice, young man.

Let's not stay here, there are tons of gnats.

I don't know why, come. It's wild!

Lovely voice, I told you.

Your place is gorgeously situated.

Thanks, that's kind of you.

Come to my room.

Why?

Problem?

No, your room's a great idea.

Visit all the rooms.

Come, leave her.

You can visit the garage, it's lovely.

You okay?

You're acting weird.

Not at all. I'm very relaxed, it's cool.

How do you find them?

Who?

My parents!

Think they're nice?

Your mother is charming!

And my dad?

Your father...

Yeah, yeah.

Honey?

I must speak to a patient.

Wait!

- So? How do you find him? - Who?

Who? You know, Damien.

Nothing much.

I try not to have an opinion.

You're right.

You know what? He reminds me a little of Sasha.

- Sasha? - Alice's good friend.

But Sasha's gay!

Sasha's gay?

Come on, of course!

See ya.

- Honey? - Yes?

We'll have a great weekend.

Yes.

I think so.

How about a quickie?

- No time. - I'm horny.

You're turning me on!

- Fuck, your father! - Bad timing?

The tea is ready!

Yes, Doctor?

Hello, Flavie?

Can you send me immediately file DL35?

Damien Leroy's.

Why? Is he back? I don't have an appointment.

I know, he's here.

At my house!

What? I'll call the firemen!

No, I can manage. Don't worry.

What's Dad doing?

Speaking to a patient. He can't stop!

- It couldn't wait? - Someone suicidal.

- His patients! - I can imagine it's not easy.

Especially for us.

- I'll do it. - Thanks, honey.

Otherwise...

Damien, what kind of work are you in?

I teach theater. I work with incarcerated prisoners.

We most work on improv.

Improv? Wow!

How original.

It just came in. Thank you, Flavie.

Social phobia,

fear of the dark, fear of failure.

What a record! What does she see in him?

What does she see in him? Tell me, Flavie!

What could it be?

- Ask your daughter! - I can't.

Patient confidentiality! They'll shut us down.

You're right, Doctor.

Wait, what's this?

Fear of birds. I'd forgotten about that.

Very interesting. Thanks, Flavie!

Tell her about the prison cabaret you put on.

A cabaret?

Cabaret, well, a modern version.

I suggested a George Michael show.

- I adore that guy. - Me too.

That's a very good idea!

George Michael for my choir.

Great idea!

It's very catchy!

People like it.

We'll do it.

Do you know how to sing?

You're there?

The song Alice knows best is birdsong!

Come on, Dad.

Alice's passion as a kid.

Don't you start!

All the bird whistles we gave her

during her childhood.

All of them handmade.

Each attracts a different species.

She's was unbeatable.

I know...

Turtle dove!

This one is fun.

Blackbird!

Blackbird! Yellow-beaked.

This is a little tougher.

I love that.

- Moorhen! - The moorhen, Damien!

And that?

Never that one.

It makes seagulls mate.

It makes them aggressive.

Know what we'll do?

No.

A little experiment, you'll see.

It's magical.

Honey, come film his first souvenir.

Follow me.

You'll be blown away, Damien.

What a mystery!

Go on, reach out. Your hand too, higher.

- Are you filming, honey? - Yes.

Here we go.

There it is.

Wonderful!

A European goldfinch!

It's on the verge of extinction.

How exceptional.

Exceptional!

Marvelous, right Damien?

Prick!

What the hell? You're crazy!

Again! Stop him!

What a pig!

Sorry.

- He vomited on me. - Disgusting.

He's fine. Just a bit dazed, poor thing.

Resistant!

How about you?

She's consoling him.

So adorable.

I don't get it.

She always liked "protector" types, winners.

I almost killed that bird, I vomited on your mom.

Should I take the next train back?

- You're not leaving! - No?

- You want to leave? - No, I don't.

Who knew you had fear of birds?

Of course you couldn't.

No!

You have to fix that problem.

Maybe I can consult your dad?

Are you crazy? I don't want him knowing your problems!

- Imagine? - Just kidding.

And he's expensive!

He told you his job?

He does theater improvisation with prison inmates.

So our daughter will be spending all her weekends

with criminals?

What a middling prospect!

Yes, indeed, not very reassuring.

What can we do about it?

Stéphane...

They got along well.

Talking to yourself?

If she's unhappy, we'll console her!

I'm not thrilled about it, but what can we do?

We accept.

You scare me, Olivier.

Reassure me, honey. Go and consult Marius.

Marius, that charlatan?

You can't say that, please!

He has a gift, it's obvious.

His herbal oils work on me.

Remember Arsène, that ski monitor?

He was in love with my sister.

His premonitory dreams

told us that boy was a problem.

True. That's true.

- Come on! - It's the boat.

- Damien? - Yes!

Let's run an errand.

Where?

To Marius's, for mom's essential oils. Come!

You'll see, Marius is an amazing man.

The place is magic. You'll tell me?

What? You're not coming with us?

- Winding roads give me headache. - Winding?

Twisting mountain route.

I think he enjoys spending time with you.

Same here.

Hurry, he hates waiting!

Come in.

You don't get car sick?

Enough, Doctor! I don't have every illness!

The hairpin bends are pretty hairy. Hold on!

- Hold on! - Where's the seat belt?

Not on this model.

No brakes either? You're speeding.

We're barely going 40!

- Can we take a break? - What for?

How many times a day do you vomit?

Maybe do a routine endoscopy?

- Think so? - No!

Step back, vomit farther away!

I'll have to reupholster everything in the United States.

No, please.

Try to breathe.

Breathing makes me puke!

So don't breathe. I'll have a clean car.

You planned that thing with the bird.

My five years of analysis were totally useless.

Please, no.

If you'd become aware of your phobias, you could live in an aviary.

That's not the problem. Marius, who we're going to see,

is a bit of a healer, a medium.

Very astute, maybe he can help you.

You're against alternative medicine!

My wife trusts him and wants you to meet him.

- Want to join our family? - Yes.

- Yes or no? - Yes!

So make an effort or I'll drop you at the train station.

- Give me that! - Not my tranquilizers!

Time to wean off that shit!

But you prescribed it!

Only if necessary, not daily!

Put your head outside.

Look at the cows. They love cars!

The road is all curves!

- Yeah, it's... - Yes.

Breathe, it'll do you good.

We're high up.

1,300, 1,400 km.

- Already? - I feel no pain.

That Marius is amazing.

Glad to hear it, given the price.

- I can lift my arm. - Like before.

Stay here.

Anyone here?

Marius?

Well, well, doctor!

What a hangover! We went down a glacier by torchlight,

in Crans-Montana.

We mixed Fendant and Génépi... I don't recommend it.

Alka-Seltzer works wonders!

Chemical poison.

I have what I need.

Warm sheep milk right from the teat.

- Want some? - No, I can't digest fresh milk.

Got a booboo?

No, it's for Paloma. Her essential oils.

The usual, and stones.

She wants to try stones.

The stones are very expensive.

Exorbitant! Total stone shortage.

You even find black-market Chinese fakes.

How much?

So, four...

that's 2, 8, 8...

4 times 3, 12...

Practical abacus.

They never break.

4 times 3 times 12 and 15, that makes 880.

Really!

- Doctor's discount? - Yes?

860?

Very kind of you.

I'll need your help.

Sure, pal.

We're pals?

Over 600 euros we are.

Okay then... here's 800...

And 60 more.

That boy there is named Damien. My daughter's boyfriend.

Paloma wants your opinion.

Like the opinion you gave us of that ski-monitor prick.

- Arsène? - Yes, Arsène.

He screwed the owner's wife.

The owner's wife?

She's a pretty monitor.

He has good taste too! Bastard!

Fine, I'll scanner-ize him.

Thanks.

Problem?

I have an irregular heartbeat.

- Shit. - But I treat myself.

Oatmeal and linseed oil.

Teenage heart!

Come, Fabien.

Damien.

I'll leave you two. I take this after.

Hello.

Calm down.

Put your hands on mine.

Like this?

You're the nervous type.

Yeah, sometimes.

Woman trouble?

Alice?

Alice, my fiancée, the doctor's daughter.

SCHOOL OF CONTEMPORARY DANCE

- Hello? - Stéphane?

Dr. Béranger, nice surprise!

I'm happy to reconnect.

We miss you, Alice, Paloma and I.

We're celebrating our 30th anniversary,

and we'd like you to come.

Sure but...

what does Alice say?

She's thrilled! Thrilled!

Not angry anymore?

Why was she angry?

Things didn't really end well between us.

But it was my fault.

That's water under the bridge. She wants you to meet her new beau.

Her new beau?

Nothing like you... very strange choice.

I said nothing, but you heard me?

I hear you well, Doctor.

Tell her I've changed, that my life has changed.

What was that? I can't hear.

Too much braying here.

I'm surrounded by goats that are braying.

Hello?

We're counting on you, if you hear me.

- And now, Fabien... - Damien.

Open your hands.

What?

She's not for you.

You're a nice guy.

The shy type.

She's a shrew, a monster!

A bitch.

Are you crazy? How dare you insult Alice?

Don't badmouth her, it's not funny!

Good reaction.

- Let go. - Channel it.

Channel your anger and leave her!

Let go!

Let go of my arm!

Marius?

Doctor!

Fuck!

Don't die because of me!

Marius! Don't die!

Doctor!

I don't fucking believe this.

I'm gonna puke!

Pain in the ass!

Improvise, Damien.

Electroshock!

I'll just yank.

What do I do?

Fuck!

Marius!

You're not dead!

Get up!

You saved my life!

You saved my life!

You're my hero! My hero!

Thank you, Fabien!

- Milk allergy! - I had a vision!

Alice and you will stay together for 20 years!

Afterwards, I can't see, it's too far and I'm hungover.

Do me a favor, take this gift.

Take this excellent cheese, but promise me:

- Eat the crust. - Okay.

So?

This kid's amazing.

Perfect for Alice.

- You saved me, Fabian. - Damien!

You did CPR training?

No, I improvised.

Improv is your job. So what did he tell you?

Thanks.

I figured, but about us?

20 years of happiness.

Is that all?

He got plastered the night before, his vision was cloudy.

Honey, you're my hero!

Very spicy, honey!

It's so much better.

What Marius told Damien is great.

He has such a gift. It's reassuring.

Don't take it at face value.

He was dead drunk. He was just out of the money.

He has charisma.

He has it all.

- Charismatic? - One of the handsomest guys around.

If they ask how we met, just lie.

- About the site MyLover? - Yes.

No need to be ashamed.

Their generation doesn't understand.

What do we say?

Isn't improv your thing?

Yes.

- How do I look? - Great.

Gorgeous.

Come!

It's not gourmet, but it's Alice's favorite dish.

She begs for it whenever she comes home.

Moqueca de peixe!

I opened a great wine, St. Emillion 2005.

- Good year! - Thanks, Dad.

You taste, Damien.

Tell me what you think.

I don't know wine.

You don't need to with this.

Corky.

- It tingles. - Tingles!

- Really? - Honey...

I was kidding, it's a joke.

Since I know nothing about wine.

- I found it funny. - It was a joke.

I really believed you. You're good!

Nah...

I'd love to make jokes like that.

You're very funny, Mom.

He's right, it's corky. We should throw it away!

So I have a nose? When I tasted it, it was so gross.

It's a joke.

It's marvelous, like nectar from heaven.

I was surprised.

It's terrific. You're going to love it.

I was surprised.

Corky! Are you kidding?

Taste.

Moqueca de peixe.

So?

Let's taste this.

You didn't go easy on the hot pepper!

It's perfect. Makes me feel I'm in Rio!

Thanks, honey.

We love hot pepper.

You're okay? No palpitations?

Dad...

No, I love hot pepper.

Now you're part of the family!

It's true, you never told us how you met.

It's true.

- Will you tell them? - Yes.

You tell it better than me.

That morning...

I left my place to...

to...

Hunt a dog.

To buy a dog. To adopt.

To adopt a hunting dog.

To adopt a hunting dog at the pound.

At the pound?

Seeing those poor creatures in their cages,

crying and yelping...

it breaks my heart. I can't stand cruelty to animals.

- I hate that. - You okay?

So I thought:

"Damien, if you can...

give love to a dog,

you can give it to a woman.

Have some bread. Eat!

It's hot.

Delicious...

but hot.

And so...

you met at the SPCA?

No.

- I never went. - Really?

I bought sneakers.

- For the dog? - No!

For me, I needed sneakers.

- To walk the dog? - No!

That's when I met Alice...

- With the dog? - No!

She was alone, I said:

"Since I'm alone, can you adopt me like a dog?"

And I said yes. End of story.

Dogs in mythology are symbols of fidelity.

And in our family,

that's the most important value of all. Right?

I pass.

Mom?

Pass what?

I did it!

I told a joke, I can't believe it.

I'm proud of myself. It was funny, right Damien?

Very funny.

Very, very funny.

Coming to bed?

Five minutes.

With these pills, you'll sleep like a baby.

"If I can love a dog, I can love a woman."

Where did I find that nonsense?

Your improv was wonky, but it worked.

I don't think so.

Relax.

I have a surprise.

A surprise?

Warm the bed.

I didn't understand.

Warm the bed, I'm coming.

Warm the bed?

Warm the bed!

I'll show you how I warm the bed.

I'll warm the bed!

Alice isn't here?

- In the bathroom. - Come with me.

I was about to go to sleep.

Come with me!

I found you some tranquilizers, sorry about yours.

I want you to feel perfectly at home here.

I'm not in crisis mode, Doctor.

Take one. You seem tense.

No, I'm totally relaxed.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

I didn't buy that dog story.

What are you hiding?

How did you and Alice meet?

I'll take a pill.

Take two. It'll relax you all night.

Good idea.

- Some water? - Sure.

Cover yourself up!

You catch cold on the tips.

Put it away, you'll give me nightmares.

Alice?

Yes?

What are you doing?

Asleep? That's your reaction?

Eat your crust!

- Fendent or génépi? - Gnaw at the crust!

I don't know.

Fenpi or Génédant?

You're gonna eat it!

I did as you said!

Fendant or génépi?

Génépi!

- Génépi. - What?

Génépi?

I had a nightmare.

It's the hot pepper.

The hot pepper too hot for my baby?

I have a remedy for that.

Oh yeah? Great, doc.

Not doctor!

Prefer a nurse?

A nurse?

- Good bedside manner? - Sure.

- Freelance. - Where's your booboo?

Who's in charge of lanterns?

Those girls.

I want them all to be the same.

I don't know if we'll use that one.

There we go.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Don't push all the buttons!

It's not working and I slept badly. I need coffee.

No need to let loose on this machine.

It's delicate.

No way...

No way! It doesn't work, it's broken!

- What's wrong? - He broke it!

No coffee, it's fucked!

Why did you touch this machine without asking?

Why are you so angry?

Yeah, why are you angry?

I'm not angry, but I bought it so we'd have good coffee.

It's nice to have good coffee!

It's over now, no more coffee.

- No warrantee? - Who knows? I got it in Italy!

I bought it in Naples, can you imagine?

It just needs water.

You need to add water.

There's no water.

There's no water, that's it.

Damien, first thing to check is the water.

It's the basics.

Now we'll see if it works.

There we go.

It's working.

Coffee, anyone?

No, thanks.

No, thanks.

I'm having coffee alone?

I'll have one alone, I'll have a

- There. - You sure?

Because you're pretty worked up.

Ristretto?

Well, I'll be!

Finally some good news.

- We have a surprise guest. - Who?

Stéphane.

Stéphane...

I haven't heard from him in years. He sent me a message.

So I invited him to join us.

Unless it bothers you.

Not at all.

Good.

It's your anniversary, not mine.

Who's Stéphane?

A dancer from a troupe I worked with.

What a great dancer!

You two on stage formed a glorious couple!

- Yeah. - And in real life too.

Dad! He was handsome, okay, but arrogant and obnoxious.

- He was screwing my best friend! - Really?

To think we almost got married! Yuck!

Cancel him.

But I already invited him.

Relax, I won't even look at him.

There.

Hello, everyone!

- Mom. - Mammy!

Want some tea?

I don't drink tea, Paloma... I'll have an espresso.

Mammy, this is my fiancé.

Hello, ma'am. Damien.

She's my granddaughter.

The apple of my eyes.

If I ever learn that you lied to her,

or harmed her,

I'll alert the Internet!

I'll get some fresh air. It'll do me good.

Your coffee, Mom.

Damien is fragile.

What's that?

What are you doing here?

- Who are they? - My parents' friends.

They look fun.

The party is tomorrow.

- Nothing's ready. - Who cares?

It's your bachelor party!

You can't be serious?

Where are you taking him?

You too, honey.

Careful, there's water.

Take a big step.

Lift up your foot.

Again.

- Move it. - What pains!

He didn't lift his leg.

Get hurt?

Of course I got hurt, idiots!

Who are you?

I'm Damien, Alice's fiancé.

Congrats.

We'll celebrate together.

Come on.

I'll sit here?

I threw out my back.

Thanks a lot, guys.

- Let's go. - Where?

- Surprise. - Let yourself go.

Go get your mom's car keys.

And join us!

I love surprises. I'm coming along.

Step!

Where are we? It reeks of rum!

Right.

Now sit down.

Take a seat, very good.

Don't touch a thing.

Ready. 3, 2, 1...

Surprise!

Who is this person?

It's Lilou!

Don't recognize her?

- The waitress. - And stripper!

From your bachelor party 30 years ago.

She'll be even classier tomorrow.

- You're sickos! - Your ex?

Shut up!

- To Paloma! - Happy Birthday!

Thank you, you're so sweet!

Happy birthday.

The water is cold.

What's the temperature?

18 degrees.

Each bucket takes it up a notch.

At 37.2, the purifying bath is over.

Then a hot stone massage.

A boost for Mammy.

You can boost me any time.

Hurt yourself?

No, this...

I got sunburned on the glacier.

I got sunburned

Love-burned, love-you-burned

Don't know how

I can't remember, was it a dream?

You're gorgeous

I can't sleep at night, I travel

On boats that get shipwrecked

I see you naked, on satin

It's embarrassing!

If it's a dream, come back tomorrow

- But... - But I'm married, Marius.

Don't take this badly, but...

the party is going to be a bit uptight.

All of Thonon's high society.

Monsignor Bienheureux, the bishop of Chambéry

may find a striptease inappropriate.

It's not traditional striptease. My husband choreographed it himself!

Super.

I'll show you and you can decide.

Okay?

No, put that away.

What happens at the Pirate Bar stays at the Pirate Bar.

You could ruin his career.

His career...

He's in it for the money now.

Okay, I understand better now.

Understand what?

I was his patient for 5 years, no results and expensive.

- His patient? - Yes.

You mean you were his patient?

Yes.

That's interesting.

That can't leave this...

Of course not.

What happens here stays here.

Count on us.

You must.

Ready...

3, 4, go!

She hurt herself?

You strained it! I said to warm up first.

What a terrible shame.

Your choreography looked great.

Groundbreaking!

Some other time.

For my mother's 85th birthday? I'll remember!

Goddamn bullshit!

No more Benelux tour!

Let's get going.

Idiot! That was my foot!

Idiot yourself!

Can we speak nonviolently? It's the path to serenity.

Okay, now close the door.

Wretch!

Loser!

- You piss me off. - Tacky!

I love you, fuck off!

Bye!

Where's Damien?

Your future son-in-law or your ex-patient?

How do you know?

He told us.

5 years of analysis for lousy results.

You didn't know him before!

I suggested a hypnosis session to overcome his bird phobia, he agreed.

You offered a hypnosis session? He agreed?

All right...

While you're removing his fear of birds,

can't you remove Alice from his head?

You know what you're asking?

A favor from an old friend for whom I've done many.

Remember what I did during your first divorce?

Scumbag.

Frank, are you serious?

I'm not asking for myself. It's for Alice.

I swear you're doing her a favor. Careful...

- Damien? - Yeah?

The hypnosis is on me!

Really?

If that's what you want.

- I'd love that. - Come.

Great.

Lucky stiff!

Sit down, relax.

I had a blast, girls.

Marius is into you.

Get going!

Your whisky, Mammy.

One more, please.

Thanks because this fear of birds is very debilitating.

We'll do much, much more.

Meaning?

You love Alice?

More than anything.

You want Dr. Béranger's blessing.

That's my dream.

I have the answer.

We'll manipulate him.

We'll attack his weakest point: his ego.

Okay, and how do I do it?

A prank.

Tell him you're over his daughter.

I don't get it.

Wait for the punchline.

Say it's his fault,

you don't want him in your life.

He'll find it funny?

- It'll annoy him. - Yeah.

Since he's argumentative, he'll try to persuade you otherwise.

About my fear of birds...

Yes! Where does this fear come from?

My sister had a canary.

To annoy her, I took it and hid it in my pillow.

Relax.

Follow my voice.

Go inside yourself.

You feel a warmth.

A sun.

You're inside. You feel the sun.

The warmth.

Follow my voice.

Repeat after me.

I love birds.

I love birds.

Very good.

Now in English.

English.

When the cake arrives, there will be music, Handel, loud.

Damien?

Excuse me.

How was your hypnosis session?

I think I'm leaving Alice.

What? This is a catastrophe!

She'll be distraught. Are you sure?

There's a huge impediment to our union.

What is it?

Excuse me, an emergency.

Drôme de Savoie? Mr. Martin? I'm coming!

Wait, I didn't finish.

The big problem...

it's you!

I couldn't land the punchline. Idiot!

I love birds...

Blackbird, turtle...

The moorhen!

Come on, come on!

Be right back.

We need you for the rehearsal.

I have a surprise.

Really? A surprise?

Come.

Great!

Be right back.

- A heron? - Wait.

Mr. Martin? Where are you?

Here in the bush.

In the bush? Amazing!

He's hiding in the bush.

Careful, camouflage!

- Can I open my eyes? - No, wait.

Go on!

Our party's centerpiece.

This is for Paloma.

The finest Tahitian black pearls.

- Long live psychoanalysis! - Jealous!

Mr. Martin, the seagull stole the necklace!

Catch it, Mr. Martin!

No, Paloma's pearls!

Bring it back!

Dammit!

Piece of shit!

The pearls!

In the lake.

What the hell?

Seagulls?

No way! Look at this!

Go inside!

What the hell is this?

The seagull mating call.

Seagull attack!

My glasses!

It's Pearl Harbor!

Take shelter!

- Come, Mother. - Minouche, move!

They're coming!

You're crying?

Yes.

I didn't vomit. I'm cured.

- This is unbelievable! - Cured.

I love birds!

Come, honey, come!

You're here too?

Anyone wounded?

What a scary nightmare!

It was a flash raid. They're gone, it's safe.

You can all go home, thanks, and sorry.

- Goodbye. - See you tomorrow.

Thank you, everyone.

- Dad? - Yes, honey?

Damien used the gull whistle.

This idiot caused that carnage?

To show me he was cured.

- Of what? - My bird phobia.

Thanks to Frank!

Hypnosis is great!

Hypnosis is great? He traumatized everyone!

Did he tell you that under hypnosis

he realized it was over with you?

- What? - He said that?

No, I never said that! It was a joke!

What?

A joke? Damned hypocrite!

No, Frank told me to say that!

Not at all, what's he saying?

Traitor!

You find this funny?

Making fun of my fiancé? And of my feelings?

I didn't want to come to this party!

- Honey! - Alice!

Bravo, Olivier. Proud of yourself?

You really did it! You can't help yourself.

I'm a victim, like you, of this vile conspiracy!

It's Frank and Michel!

I'll have another whisky!

- Alice, I'm sorry. - Go away.

You said it was over with me?

Of course not! Frank said to prank your dad.

And you played along?

They're testing you, like with all my boyfriends!

They're twisted shrinks!

Good thing you never saw a shrink.

Actually...

Alice, Stéphane is here!

Goddammit!

Stéphane, how are you?

Oh, Dr. Béranger!

It's been ages.

You're the same. You look great.

You too. I mean...

How awful. What happened, poor boy?

I can see the pain in your eyes. I hate feeling pity.

Of course, and it's totally to your credit.

Rest assured. I may walk again.

They said "one in a thousand"!

Really? I can't measure that.

You're still handsome. Come, follow me.

Paloma and Alice can't wait to see you.

Doctor?

The wheelchair is our secret.

Of course.

That's a little complicated because...

Your face!

It was a joke!

Hilarious! I forgot how funny you were!

Still so full of life!

Cheers, Mammy.

This is Stéphane.

Hello.

My God! The dancer's in a wheelchair!

How awful.

Mother, he doesn't want any pity.

Thanks, Doctor.

Stéphane.

What a tragedy!

Paloma, he doesn't want pity.

Thanks.

I had no idea. I'm so sorry!

About my hair? I cut it all off.

It was a pain, too much shampoo.

Come.

Sorry!

What the hell? I'm not battered enough?

- I hurt you? - Yes!

Sorry.

You hurt me real bad...

But three years ago.

Don't worry, I don't feel anything anyway.

Though I smell shit.

- Shit? - Yeah.

Seagull shit from our friend Damien.

- His fault. - My fiancé.

The lucky man.

What happened?

I won't bore you with my sob story.

It'll ruin the mood.

Tell us, we want to know.

We're here to listen.

Then, I was at the height of my art.

The Olympics asked me to choreograph their show.

The Olympics? Amazing!

It was wild.

They send me a jet to sign my contract in Zurich.

It's the FIFA in Zurich?

No, it's both.

We want to hear the end of the story.

The limo drops us off on the airstrip.

Next to the jet, a gorgeous Challenger 850,

red leather interiors, you'd have loved it.

Stunning.

Ever been in one?

No, I take the train.

I get out of the limo and I get a call.

My father had a stroke.

- Jean-Philippe? - How awful!

But they caught it in time.

It's essential to react fast.

Not to mention my mother...

She has chronic depression.

Geneviève? Depressive?

She's not at all the type!

I'm floored.

They're both recovering.

So I'm faced with a dilemma.

On the one hand, glory and success.

On the other, my family,

abandoned to their tragic fate.

Sorry, sorry.

He's going overboard.

Damien!

I'm about to go into the plane, and honestly...

there was a stewardess. Gorgeous, Doctor.

Blue eyes, the perfect figure, gorgeous!

I can imagine.

Typical stewardess.

- What? - Typical stewardess.

They're rarely ugly.

Okay, and...

I forgot where I left off, sorry.

You saying the stewardess was pretty.

Thanks, tootsie, thanks.

I walked past her and thought:

"What are you doing?

"This isn't you.

"Abandon your family for the Olympics? What are the Olympics?"

Sports, every 4 years.

Summer and winter.

I turned around, went back down, and ran and BAM.

An Airbus?

What a pathetic reference.

He's at an airport.

It wasn't an Airbus.

A suitcase trolley.

Terrible!

Carry-ons are better.

Not the same thing.

I woke up three weeks later

with all the doctors around me saying: "Forget your dreams.

"You'll never walk again."

Sorry.

I considered suicide.

But you didn't do it.

That's to your credit. This is a beautiful life lesson.

Now I'm the one crying.

No, tootsie, look at me.

It's all fine. I'm fine, right?

And handsome too!

Very, very moving.

Thanks a lot.

Don't worry, Doctor. We'll find your necklace.

I can hold my breath 2 to 3 minutes, 15 meters under.

How do you swim without legs?

With my arms! I had to compensate.

Incredible! His life force and energy!

Right, Damien?

It's amazing.

You swim like a tadpole!

I'd have said dolphin.

Is that humor, Damien?

I have a good one. See all that bird shit on the dock.

For cleaning a toothbrush is best.

We have tons!

Thanks, Damien.

It'll be perfect for tomorrow.

Can you do my hubcaps too?

The spokes.

Not to order you around.

We're just kidding!

Let's cast off.

Damien!

You love my granddaughter.

Yes, ma'am.

She loves you too.

I can see it in her eyes.

Thank you.

So what's the problem?

There's no problem.

Don't bullshit me, my boy.

If I tell you a secret,

you'll keep it?

3 minutes 40, he's still under.

Why did we toss a cripple in the water?

He swims like a tadpole, he's doomed.

- I'll dive in. - Cut the crap.

I don't want two corpses.

I'm calling for rescue.

Why didn't I ask the jackass instead of Stéphane?

No reception!

Stéphane?

He can't hear you.

What are you doing?

Attracting fish?

Wild!

Looking for this?

He found it!

Good job!

Give me your hand.

No, I don't want pity. No pity.

The necklace!

Give it to me.

Thanks.

No help, I don't want your pity.

Stay there, we're off.

I cleaned the dock.

Perfect for tomorrow.

I'm exhausted.

Thanks, you shouldn't have.

Sorry about before, I wasn't fair.

No sweat.

Kiss me after. You smell so gross.

Join me.

You're too dirty.

Apologize to Antoine after!

Why?

The seagulls bit his hands.

Okay, I see. Everything I do sucks!

Maybe I should pack up and go?

That way, no more catastrophes!

You don't even stop me?

Since your ex showed up, you've changed.

- What do you mean? - What do I mean?

Think I didn't see? He comes, you fall into his arms!

You stare at him, you cry at his story about the stewardess

he was ogling.

Tension. I made things chilly.

I know that furrowed brow!

You're in trouble.

Want something?

I just went diving for your father...

Really?

I need to shower.

- Sorry, occupied. - No problem.

Can you use the outdoor shower?

Behind the house?

The little wood shower?

Outside?

If he minds, I can use it, tootsie.

Not like that. It's cold water.

It's easier.

Sure, easier!

I'll feel the cold all over, whereas he...

- Love ya, tootsie. - You reek.

I reek.

Yes. Bad.

I'm totally disarmed.

1, 2... Pull!

You didn't say you were naked.

Underwear under a wetsuit? It's itchy!

I thought you felt nothing.

Wondering if I can still make love?

No!

Yes.

Go shower, this is embarrassing.

Not for me.

The answer is yes.

Go on.

- Tootsie? - Yes?

- You turn me on. - Yes.

Great.

It was cold.

How did he get in the shower? You helped?

No! He can manage alone.

He can manage alone? He does everything alone!

A handicapped superhero.

Handicapman.

It's Handicapman! No, there he is!

He was a hip-hop dancer.

Yes, he's very athletic, very limber, very...

Handsome.

Stop.

Jealousy is a disease. Ask my father.

Sorry, I'm being a pain.

Tootsie, can I have a towel?

I have something important to say.

Me too.

I don't give a damn about him. And vice versa.

And I shouted, I shouted, "Alice"

You turn me on!

Indeed.

What was it?

I cried sniff-sniff-sniff

It was Damien's idea.

We had it together.

It was more you.

I find it adorable.

We'll ask Antoine to be our witness.

That's wonderful.

He'll be so happy.

He's like your brother.

Not at all.

She's not at all related to him.

In theory.

What do you mean?

It was a joke!

Jokes are supposed to make you laugh.

That's not funny. No one laughed.

Senses of humor vary.

You can say that again.

I have a surprise for our lovebirds.

- That's so sweet! - No, tootsie...

I meant Paloma and Olivier.

He's incredible.

Show time.

Show time?

Damien, dress code chic.

I hear you.

Loud and clear.

In their eyes I see their hearts beat

It's the kind of love

That never withers away

Years and years of loving...

Ma'am?

I have a terrible migraine!

I'll have whisky, straight up.

- Of course. - Make it a double.

But I wish you eternity

The kind of day we rarely ever have

Two souls in harmony making one

Paloma and Olivier are reunited

The guests do you honor

Your complicity is unique

Today's a day of happiness

Wonderful.

Bravo, Stéphane, and thank you.

That was beautiful, I almost cried.

I'm embarrassed. I was off key.

It's true.

That was my gift to Paloma and Olivier.

Thanks for inviting me.

I hope one day to celebrate

my 30 years of marriage.

Even if I haven't found...

a woman to make me feel less handicapped.

Because...

it's not always easy.

He can't sob each time.

Be cool.

Sorry.

He's sensitive.

Sorry.

Antoine is here.

I told them to bring him. Time to apologize.

I made you a promise, now keep yours.

But I'll spoil everything.

You can't spoil things by telling the truth.

Or else I'll blab.

Stop hitting on him!

Go on.

I'm very sorry about what happened to Antoine.

If ever you need my help, I'll be there.

- How kind of you. - Thanks.

And we have some big news.

First Damien will say it in sign language.

I'm not feeling it.

He's acting shy, so I'll do it.

What?

Why did you ask that?

If he likes sodomy.

Never! I said: "You and me together forever", right?

Yes.

You told me so!

I'm no specialist in sign language!

Why did you lie?

That's not what I lied about!

Meaning?

I have fear of the dark, social anxiety, I'm...

claustrophobic, hypochondriac.

I always have tranquilizers on me,

I have tons of problems.

For five years I saw a shrink.

Your father.

No way!

- Really? - I'm not permitted to say.

Even if it's true.

That's too easy, Doctor.

Your father told me to find a neurotic soulmate.

You mean me?

- I'm neurotic? - Not at all.

I never spoke about you, especially not to him!

"Neurotic soulmate" is a theoretical construct.

Did you know, Mom?

No! You know he never talks about his patients.

Of course, it's the work ethic.

Stop!

It's all my fault.

I asked your fiancé to tell the truth.

My fiancé? Which one? There is none!

Just a guy who lied from day one.

- Alice! - Don't touch me.

I'll take you to the station.

No, let's me drop off this...

pathological liar.

- Come. - On your shoulders?

That's not a productive comment.

You really are pathetic.

Fuck.

Fucking chair!

- Dolphin has a fin problem? - Shut up.

Fuck it!

I'll help you.

Thanks, tootsie.

What do I do?

See the red handle.

Pull it up and fold it together.

Not like that, tootsie!

What's going on?

She'll lose her arm!

Honey, don't make it worse!

Don't become emotional.

I'll say what I want! Screw you!

What?

Stéphane, tell me how.

Pull the lever up.

I can't!

Beat it! Don't go near her!

The lever!

Call an ambulance.

Call! Don't just sit there!

Pull the fucking lever!

That's what I'm doing!

Sorry.

She'll lose her arm!

You're all so dumb!

It's not hard to pull a lever!

Thanks, Stéphane.

There.

But...

What?

You can walk now?

No.

Know what that is, Doctor?

Reflexes! Like the doctor say, one in a thousand!

It's a miracle!

Are you playing us all for fools?

Not at all.

Take that!

Take that!

You can't kick a cripple!

l can because I thought he felt nothing.

But the asshole feels everything!

Crook!

Well, yes, look!

Here's your cripple.

Here's your cripple!

Tootsie, I did it for you.

Never call me tootsie again!

Tootsie!

Forget it.

Yes, better you go.

Yeah right, here's your crap!

Thanks.

This is a present.

Goodbye!

What a bastard.

Piece of shit!

He forgot his wheelchair What do we do with it?

Give it to Mammy.

You're talking about my mother. Take it easy!

Sorry, Doctor.

What?

The wheelchair is the real question.

What?

Does it hurt?

A little.

I'll take care of you.

Me too.

What about the Royers?

"Corcovado", with the Cohens.

Very good. That way, the Delannoys at "Sigmund Freud".

Farther from us. They're such bores.

Especially him.

Her too...

You exaggerate.

- Dad? - Yes?

Damien's file was on your desk.

Why did you search my office?

He's not your ideal, but he's sensitive, kind, honest.

I trust him, he moves me, I love him.

- Okay with you? - Yes it's fine with us.

- Dad too? - Of course Dad too.

Let him answer please.

It's fine with me, yes.

Where is Damien? Let's give him a kiss and toast.

Dad understands, he's on the roof, threatening suicide.

What? On the roof?

It was a joke! I'm cured!

He's good.

Excellent.

We got you.

Not laughing?

It was good, but knowing your history...

- Yeah. - That's true.

It was credible.

The roof isn't that high.

Paloma, Olivier,

congrats for your pearl anniversary. We love you.

Happy anniversary.

Just to say, I wish the same happiness for Alice, our daughter,

and for Damien, who is welcomed

with open arms into the family.

Prepare for take-off.

A little surprise.

What is it?

Black pearls from Tahiti.

Thank you, honey!

How gorgeous!

Paloma, you're the prettiest!

A champagne fountain. Classy!

Like dishwater!

Glad to hear it.

Very glad to hear it!

Lots of happiness for you 2.

Thanks.

And sorry again about...

Can I borrow your fiancé for a few minutes?

Yes.

I won't be long.

Come.

You love my daughter.

She loves you.

I know it and it makes me very happy.

I wanted to tell you.

Thanks, Doctor.

I have one little thing to ask you.

If ever...

if ever you're confronted with a big "down",

and you feel suicidal impulses,

promise me something.

Yes. What is it, Doctor?

Find a different shrink from me.

Sure, no problem.

Thanks.

It's a joke, Damien! I was kidding!

The doctor is always in!

Give me a hug.

Thanks, Doctor.

We'll resume therapy next Monday.

Really? But I'm cured!

You're marrying my daughter. You're mine till the wedding.

It's interminable.

Exactly. Know what they say?

A good shrink is for life.

- You owe me 4 sessions. - Right.

No, five.

FAMILY THERAPY

Subtitles: Andrew Litvack

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media France