All language subtitles for Tacoma.FD.S01e01.1080p.AMZN.WEB

Terry:
And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Time.

Six saltines in under a minute
can't be done.

It's like concrete
in here.

That's what they said
about the 2-minute mile.

Nobody's ever run
a 2-minute mile.

Watch and learn,
chichi.

Okay, and...

go.

Six saltines all at once?
You're smoking crack, dude.

If you want to get kooky,
you could do five

and one or four and two,

but six altogether,
you're just off the grid.

Although I must say, you are
dominating those saltines.

Terry McConky is bitch-slapping
these crackers.

You're gonna do it.

You're gonna --
[ Whistles ]

45 seconds.

Wow!
That's amazing.

The saltine challenge is,
in fact,

no challenge whatsoever.

Pay up.
Okay.

There you go.
How do you do it?

I have a wet mouth --
super wet.

You know, it's the saliva
that allows you to taste food,

which means food
must taste great to you.

It does.
It tastes great.

I really enjoyed
my lunch today.

Okay.

I ask this next question
with all due respect.

Which means you don't.

If someone is born
with a wetter mouth

than the average person,

does that mean they are more
likely to be plus-size

because food tastes
better to them?

Or if you're born
plus-size,

maybe you're genetically born
with a wetter mouth,

which makes food tastier,
which keeps you plus-sized.

Hmm.
Makes you think.

Yeah, real chicken-or-the-egg
scenario, isn't it?

Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

Man: Tacoma Fire,
animal rescue,

6984 Adams Avenue.

Please respond.Let's hit it.

At least
it stopped raining.

Holy shit, what is that,
a llama?

-An alpaca.
-What's the difference?

A llama is bigger
with longer ears,

and alpacas get stuck
in swing sets.

-What are you, an expert?
-Google.

The owner said that the alpaca
got stuck up there

and now she can't navigate
her way down.

Why don't you just harness it
and lift it out?

We can't.
We tried.

Why? 'Cause of the sharp teeth
and claws?

-[ Screaming ]
-Whoa!

-Oh, oh, oh!
-Blegh!

Blegh!
-Sneezing on him?

When they're threatened,
they spit.

-No kidding.
-Dude.

[ Sighs ]
Ooh.

I think I'm having an allergic
reaction to the spit.

It's actually
a gastric goo.

The bigger the threat,
the more they reach down

deep into their tri-part stomach
and just...

It's really gross.

You got a tri-part stomach,
right?

[ Laughs ]

Okay, hey.

Now what are you gonna do,
huh?

Oh!
Oh!

It's like catching
gasoline!

Aaah!

God.

Hey, ask Google how
to make it stop.

Uh...
Love.

That's what I needed
to hear.

I need you to come back up
and help distract this thing.

-How am I gonna do that?
-Show your muscles.

Come on.

Hey, pretty girl.

You look so soft.

I just want to pet you
all over.

Cap, it's not one of your
divorcées, okay?

That's not gonna work.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

I got an idea.
Ohh!

No, no, Chief, Chief,
you don't want to do that.

Hey, buddy.

You got a lot of spit
in your mouth?

Hey.
Hey, buddy.

Yeah, I bet that dries
that mouth right up.

All right, Ike, get the harness.
Get the harness.

Yeah, I got it,
I got it.

O-kay.

[ Applause ]

Eddie: So what we
really established

is that your mouth
is wetter than a llama's.

An alpaca, and you owe me
20 bucks.

Collect it
from the llama.

Well, I'm hot blooded

Check it and see

Got a fever of 103

I'm hot blooded

Check it out.
Package from the alpaca lady.

Ooh, an al-package?

Uh, I can still smell
that gastric goo.

As a show of thanks,
she is providing us

a $500 gift certificate
for alpaca fleece goods.

Whoa!And they are soft.

Look at that -- alpacas.

-Whoo!
-Choice.

Oh-ho.

Soft.

Surprisingly soft.

Oh, soft.

Super soft.

These mamas are soft.

Hey, wait a minute.

Do they kill alpacas
for their fur?

Ike, sadly they do.

Disgusting.

Oh, but so soft,
though.

They make scarves, mittens,
hats, sweaters, rugs,

jumpers --
ooh, I want a jumper.

I used to have a pair
of alpaca booties once.

Booties, huh?

Mm-hmm.
I'm a foot guy.

And they really help
with those foot massages.

Ugh, I never let anybody
touch my feet,

except for my mom,
obviously.

So, what are we gonna do
with the gift certificate?

Are we gonna split it
or...?

I'm thinking station tournament
of champions,

winner takes all.[ Gasps ]

Whoa!
Yes.

We haven't had that in ages.That's what I'm saying.

It's raining outside,
things are slow, let's do this.

Hey, you guys file
that alpaca report?

Already done.

Now we're about to do a station
tournament of champions.

Ooh.

Okay.
What's the prize?

We got a $500 gift certificate
for alpaca fleece goods.

Wow.
Oh, hey.

This is nice.

Wow, this is really soft.

I mean, like soft.Right?

Yeah, yeah.How do I look?

It looks a little small.

What's the first event?

Frostbite challenge,
bitch.

Aw, let's light it up,
Sparky.

Eddie: Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How's that feel, huh?You hate this.

You regret this,
don't you?

How do you like it?

Nordic Viking power!

Yeah.

Look at Andy, though.
He can't take it.

He's soft,
like alpaca fur.

There you go.

Terry: His little baby arm's
gonna bleed on him.

That's the problem.

[ All shouting ]

-Hey!
-Softie!

He's a softie!

Hey!

No, no, no!

Is this how you spend
the taxpayers' money?

Hey, Councilwoman,
how are ya?

What's all this?

Uh, this is
the frostbite challenge.

Oh!

Oh, is this one of those, uh,
viral things?

I've been watching the
Pittsburgh Police Department

sing the "Hamilton" songs
on a loop.

Good PR.No, it's not PR.

-Charity?
-Nope.

It's raining out, so we were
just having some fun.

Cool.Cool.

Can I talk to you
in your office?

Uh...now?

Yeah, now, Chief.

You sure?

Really sure.

-So, now?
-Chief, right now.

-All right.
-You got this.

You got this.Don't worry about it.

-Hey!
-Sucka!

Ahhh!

We meet again.

State inspections --

State inspections
are next week.

Already, for everybody?

All TFD stations
are getting assessed.

The City Council wants
to improve our rating

so that the state
increases our budget.

Well, we've always had
great ratings.

The council is concerned
they might drop.

Why?

You're a new chief with a track
record for fun and games,

which was just confirmed
for me.

That's just a morale thing --
bonding, you know.

It's important
for the crew.

I'm all for office playtime
just as much as the next gal.

Thirsty Thursdays?

That's my jam.

But I'll be honest.

There are other members
of the council

that didn't want you
to be chief

because they didn't think
you were a leader.

Who said that?
Was it Tobleson?

You were one of the guys
for a long time.

Now you're the chief.

Act like one,
all right?

Focus on the inspection.

No more games.

[ Telephone rings ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Ugh, come on.

McConky.

Eddie: You know, your lips
are turning blue.

Your lips are white.

What does that even mean?You know what it means.

This arm ain't coming out
until it gets cut off.

All right, hey, hey.
Listen up.

We got a big state inspection
next week.

We need to focus.

Station tournament
of champions is over.

Linda: Time to button things up,
fellas.

I'm rooting for ya.
-Okay.

Bye, Miss Price.

Back on.
Like Donkey Kong.

Come on, let's go.
Let's go.

What?That wasn't all for show?

No, it wasn't.

Come on, Juicy Mouth.

Get back in here.
Come on.

Come on, we'll throw an extra
15 minutes on the clock for you.

Get in here.No, we got things to do.

Like what?

Like we got to clean
and repair the hoses?

We already did that,
Chief.

We got to check the SCBAs
and the bottles.

Chief, I already did that
this morning.

Get your arms
out of the bucket!

Come on, Terry, we've been here
for 45 minutes already!

This is an order.

I want those arms
out of the bucket.

I'm gonna count to three.

Three, two, one.

Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!

Are you kidding me?

Hey, hey, listen up.

Granny's the winner.
Oh!

No, you can't make that call.
You can't do that.

I can call it, and I did.
I'm the Chief.

I'm the commissioner
of the tournament.

I want that equipment
inventory on my desk ASAP,

and let's nail
this inspection, huh?

Come on, let's go.

-Oh, man.
-Hey, come on now.

Whoa, whoa, Terry, Terry,
Terry, Terry.

What did she say to you
in there?

She said I should stop
being one of the guys

and act like a chief.

You can still be a chief
and have fun.

Chief Ratchet was fun.

Chief Bitterman was
a lot of fun.

No,
neither of them were fun.

Well, then, you can be
the first fun chief.

How great is that?

You just want me to be
your playground buddy.

Those days are over.
I'm the chief now.

Chiefs don't have fun.
I need you to respect that.

Okay. Okay.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

You're welcome, Terry.

Chief?

You will have fun,
Terry McConky.

I'll make sure of that.
Poor chair.

You got a raw deal in life.

There.

Hope you're hungry, chair.

I thought this chair smelled bad
on the outside.

You guys know how valuable
this alpaca stuff is?

It's like 300 bucks
for a sweater.

I could sell this stuff on eBay
and make a killing.

Granny: No,
not if I win it first.

Yeah, I told my girl
about that alpaca fur,

and she is hot for it.

Mm-hmm.
She said she'd do things.

What kind of things?Soft things.

Mm.

See, I can't find anything
on here

about them killing alpacas
for their fur.

It just says
that they shave them.

Kind of like giving them
a haircut.

You know anything about that,
Andy?

What would Andy know
about haircuts

with his receding hairline?

It's not receding.

It's thinning.
There's a difference.

-That's receding, brother.
-Whatever.

When I win, I'm gonna send
all that stuff

back to the alpaca lady
in protest

for them killing those beautiful
animals for their fleece.

That's a good cause,
man.

You should be proud
of yourself.

Hey, you guys seen Chief?He's in his office.

All right, let's
do the next event.

-Ooh.
-Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna win me
some alpaca fur, baby!

No, I'm gonna
win that alpaca fur.

That's impossible 'cause
I'm gonna win that alpaca fur.

I'll tell you
what my girl said first.

Oh, I already know
'cause she told me, too.

Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!

Ooh.

Ch-ch-chu.

[ Sniffs ]

God.

[ Sniffing ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, God.

Hmm.

Dude, didn't you get bounced
from the military

for having
shaky hand syndrome?

Hell no.
I was a medic.

You try doing hemorrhoid surgery
on your sergeant

in the middle
of a mine field.

It was a piece of cake.

Well, we thank you
for your service.

Oh, he's got it.

All: Oh!

Hey!

Uh,
what are you guys doing?

Uh, nothing.

Andy, what are you doing?
No, don't look at him.

Me, look at me, over here.

Andy, over here.

Are you playing
Jaws of Life Jenga?

No.It sure looks like it.

No.
No.

Then you won't mind
if I knock over this

random stack of blocks then.[ All shouting ]

Is that okay?

-No, no, no.
-Okay, all right.

I said we had to stop this.
We have an inspection.

The inventory
is on your desk.

Hazmat suits?
Cleaned.

OSHA checklist?
Done.

Rescue rope, safety belts,
harnesses, hooks, rope grabs?

Checked, checked,
and checked.

Can I talk to you
for a second out here?

Not you. Him.
Join me.

Clean that up.

I'm supposed to be putting
a stop to this.

No, you're supposed to be
"chiefly," and you are.

You know, you're part
of the problem.

You need to follow orders.

I know, but I've been ragging
on you for 25 years.

You're married
to my sister.

It's weird taking orders
from you.

And stop calling me
Terry in front of the men.

I'm Chief.
I'm not Terry.

I'm not Juicy Mouth.

You know what?
You're right.

My bad, Chief.

You wouldn't be pulling
any pranks, would you?

What kind of pranks?

Prank pranks,
pranky pranks,

covert pranks?

You said
now's not the time.

That's never stopped you
before.

I don't know what you mean,
Chief.

That's right.
I'm the Chief.

You don't prank the chief.

Are you accusing me
of something specific here?

No.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
TTYL.

What's that mean?

Talk to you later.

Huh. Okay.

Mm.

[ Sighs ]

[ Sniffs ]
Yeah.

[ Sniffs ] Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

[ Sniffing ]

What the [bleep]

Aaaaah!

Oh, my God, it's worse.It's in the wall!

What are you gonna do?

I don't know!

All right, come with me.
I want to show you something.

Come on.

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Mmm!
My girl just sent me a picture

wrapped
in only alpaca fleece,

and she is fine!Let me see.

-No, no.
-Give me the phone.

Maybe I should tell her
about how they kill

those alpacas
for their fur.

Maybe I should kill you.

Whoa, whoa, Granny.Granny, calm down.

It's alpaca fleece,
right?

Yeah.
Okay, then.

Drink.

-[ Whistles ]
-Mm.

What are you guys doing?

Hydrating.

You're doing the
Most Piss Challenge.

I never liked that name.

But I did want to invite you
to come and join us.

I told you no on this.
I can't join you.

Terry -- Chief.

You are the chiefiest chief
there has ever been.

-Super chiefy.
-We're ready for the inspection.

There have been no calls.
It's raining.

You can't go back to your office
because it's destroyed

and it smells like low tide,
and you have won

the Most Piss Challenge
every year

for the last 20 years,

and now there's alpaca
on the line.

Come on, Chief.

[ Chanting "Chief! Chief!
Chief!" ]

[ Urinating loudly ]

[ Gags ]

[ Urinating loudly ]

Okay. Okay.

-Captain.
-Okay, captain.

-Yeah!
-Not a surprise.

Not a surprise.
-What have we got here?

Oh!

Yeah, I got to lay off
the supplements.

That's weird.
Okay.

-Man.
-Wow.

Okay.
Yeah.

Hey, who's still going?
Me.

I'm still going.
I'm like a camel.

This is like milking
a camel!

Wow.
So good.

The best.
I told you.

Chief
has the most piss!

All: Chief has the most piss!

Chief has the most piss!

Chief --

It's like I'm spelunking
in an underground cave of urine.

You have got
to be kidding me.

I told you
to act like a chief.[ Urinating stops ]

I am.
I do.

You've --[ Urinating loudly ]

[ Urinating stops ]

Chief, I --[ Urinating starts ]

[ Urinating stops ]Can you --

[ Urinating continues ]

When I --

[ Urinating stops ]

Oh!

Good God, how long
has this been going on?

This isn't all me.

Your office looks like
a cyclone hit it

and smells
like a turtle aquarium.

Then I find you with your men
cheering you on

as you pee for them?

I don't know how
to take you seriously.

I --Woman: Station 24, all units,
rescue call --

child stuck in well.

Okay, let's go.
Sorry, I'm sorry, sorry.

[ Alarm blares ]

Excuse me, folks.

Hunter?
It's gonna be okay.

Mommy loves you.

Oh,
my Hunter is in the pipe.

He's been down there
for hours.

Okay, we'll get him out.

Hunter,
can you hear me?

He's not responding.Okay.

Granny, why don't you
get those folks back?

Got it.

Ike, take Hunter's mom
over to the trucks, would you?

Come on with me, ma'am.He's very fragile.

All he ate today
was oat milk with flaxseed.

Okay.

His allergist thinks that
he might be protein-prejudiced.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my goodness.
Come on.

Let's go over here.We'll get him.

We'll get him.

Looks a little tight
down there for any of us.

Hunter: Is she gone?

Is my mom gone?

Yes, son,
she's in the parking lot!

Good!
I'm sick of that a-hole!

Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!

All right, let's not talk about
Mom like that.

You ever have
to eat flaxseed?!

Hunter, we're here
to get you out.

I don't want
to come out!

I came down here to bake
and use my iPad to make crap

for my YouTube channel!

You have an iPad
down there?

Duh!

How do you think
she tracks me?!

All right, listen, Hunter, we're
not leaving here without you,

so we're sending
down a rope.

Don't!
I'm warning you!

Send it down.

Oh!

Kid, you got a BB gun
down there?

Hunter: Oh, hell yeah!

God,
this kid is an asshole.

Here, Andy,
you're on rope duty.

Oh, thanks, Captain.

Hunter, stop shooting
at my men.

Hunter:
Then leave me alone!

Chief, the water table is
pretty saturated from the rain.

If we don't get this kid
out of here,

the water's gonna rise
up in this pipe.

All right, Hunter, listen,
if you let us pull you up,

you can vape
in the fire truck

and shoot it
for your YouTube channel.

Chief,
that's irresponsible.

I'm not gonna let him vape
in the fire truck.

-I also want 50 bucks!
-For what?

Hunter: To buy the Guardians
of Terrary season pass!

What's that?
What's he talking about?

It's a video game.

Hunter: For 50 bucks, I can get
the elf queen

to take off
her royal panties!

Ooh.What kind of video game?

All right, 50 bucks it is.

Hunter: In advance!

Send it down,
douchebag!

-Oh, my God, this kid.
-Okay, anybody got any cash?

You got cash?
What,
are you kidding me?

Andy, you got cash?

Yeah,
I got like 25 bucks,

but I was gonna buy
my mom a turtleneck.

Okay, come on.

All right,
it's coming down.

Hunter: This is only $25!

Half now, half when
you hug your mom.

Fine!

All right, Hunter, we're
sending you this rope down.

Put it around you.

Yeah, I get it,
dickhead!

I hate this kid.The worst.

There we go.

There we go.

Here he comes.
Almost there.

-Easy.
-Easy, easy!

-Easy.
-Here he comes.

Granny:
Got a big fish here.

There he is.

Hunter, all right, buddy.

Good job, buddy.

Okay, all right.

Going viral, bitches!

Should've asked
for 100 bucks.

All right, you get the rest
when you act happy

to see your mom, okay?Fine.

All right, Granny,
check him out.

Hey, man, show me
that elf princess.

How you doing?All right.

Come on.I'm sure he's fine.

He's just a kid.
Walk it off.

I'm good.

Since I was doing something
with effort,

I was already turtling.

Yes, Lorraine,
the city takes pride

in its first responders.

I have no doubt
they'll get the job done.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Back off!

My baby!

Oh!

We are going straight
to Wholesome Foods

and you can pick out any
soy pop flavor that you want.

Nice work.

This kind of
free publicity is

always a plus.

Are you suggesting we should
put more kids in pipes?

I would never suggest
such a thing.

Unless you think
it would work.

Ike: Excuse me, Chief.
Sorry to interrupt.

Just wanted to say
tremendous leadership out there.

Just a pleasure to serve
alongside you every day,

and it's an honor.

Thanks, Ike.

Chief, per your request, we are
packing up those trucks ASAP.

Thank you, Andy.

Chief, I know you don't really
consider yourself

"one of the guys,"

but the men really respected
your leadership today.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Uh, begging your pardon,
Councilwoman?

Saving a kid gets you
a lot of goodwill.

Great optics.

So you don't need to kiss
the chief's ass in front of me.

Just doing our jobs,
ma'am.

And we will be ready
for that inspection.

Great, great.

Chief, why don't you talk
to the news crew?

I'm sure they'd love to hear
what you have to say.

I'm gonna let you take care
of that

'cause you're so good at it.
Thank you, Councilwoman.

Thank you.

[ Laughs ]

All right, now can we finish
the tournament of champions?

No chance.
That's an order.

This is just
the two of us here.

You know you want to,
fun guy.

Look, I'm not the fun guy
until I find out

what happened
to my office.

You still wouldn't know
anything about that, would you?

I have no idea.

But let me know
how that goes, okay?

I'm here to help.

So, uh, we still doing
the tourney?

-Hell yeah.
-What's the next event?

Oh, yeah, 'cause I've got
some alpaca fleece

that is ready
to sell on eBay, baby.

You know what, guys?

I think we should just forget
about that prize.

No,
'cause I'm still gonna win.

-Yeah.
-There's nothing to win, Granny.

What do you mean?

I talked to the alpaca lady,
and I informed her

that we will no longer
be trafficking

in her bloodstained items.

-What?
-You did what?

Wait.
Before you freak out,

think about it, okay?

Ike!You're gonna feel a lot better
about yourselves.

Man, we were kidding.

They don't kill the alpacas
for their fur.

They just shave them.

-Really?
-Yes.

Yeah.
Fur grows back.

Granny:
Now I'm freaking out.

What am I gonna do when my girl
asks about the fleece?

Guys,
I got to make a return.

Come on, beauty.

Okay, so,
that's happening.

Wow.
That's -- Oh, boy.

I found it!
I found it!

Oh.

You put it in the chair,
you son of a bitch.

Yeah, well, I just wanted
you to have some fun.

I'll get a new chair now.
I solved the mystery.

I solved it.
No help from you.

Okay, well,
fun is fun, Chief.

You're never gonna get me
again.

Never!
You say that to me.

I will get you again.

Good job.

[ Hums ]

Ahh.

[ Sniffs ]

Shit!

Eddie!

Eddie!

Chiefy?

I give up.

Uncle.
Uncle?

Yeah.

Curtain rod.

Oh,
you sneaky bastard.

Mm-hmm.

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans ]

Fun, right?

You come see me if you want
to have more fun.

You're not fun.

Come on outside if you want
to have fun with me.

Just come where the fun is,
okay?

Fun.

Get out of here!

Fun!
No!