Original subtitles

Standard forecast for the next 5 days.

Unusually high temperatures here in Boston...

Parker...

Give it! Thank you.

Look, the weather forecast is the same on every single channel.

Well it's not Christmas without snow.

Parker, you're not gonna get a white Christmas this year.

All we need is for this low-pressure system

from Canada to come down and bring us a blast of cold air and precipitation.

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

- Where are you going? - Caroling.

Oh. Caroling?

You do realize there's a Christmas party in the bar.

Oh, son of a...

Well?

I want flurries. Make it happen.

- There he is. Hey. - Hey.

Hi. This is for you.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. See you later.

Bah, humbug.

Nate! There's a client here to see you.

We're closed. It's the holidays.

No, I really think we should talk to this one.

It's Santa.

Ah, don't you think?

Really?

The rich and powerful take what they want.

We steal it back for you.

Sync by georgel24 & Alex1969 www.addic7ed.com.

Sometimes, bad guys make the best good guys.

We provide... leverage.

Well, that's quite a list you've got there,

but the question is,

have you been nice?

Uh-huh. Of course you have!

Here you are, my dear! Thank you!

And who's next? Come on, Frank. Up, up, up. Let's go.

Well, uh, Santa's a little busy right now, Mr. Dooley.

Yeah, well, Santa's also a little bit drunk, everyone... Sorry.

That's not mine. That's not mine.

Well, we found it in your locker, Frank,

and you're fired. Come on. Come on.

No, no, no! Santa's not fired!

No, no, not in front of the kids!

Please, no. But the children, the children.

Hey, come on, take over. No need to push.

No need to push.

Okay. Let's get Christmas rollin'.

Mm. Beard up. Beard up. Oh. Right.

Okay, let's get Christmas going again, people.

All right, merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

But the children.

This is so humiliating.

I-I am no drunk!

He lied.

I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in years.

You can ask my wife.

This guy Dooley, the... the mall owner...

Why would he want to frame you?

Over the past month,

he's fired all the old Santas,

guys who've worked the mall for years.

And the replacements?

They don't look like Santas, Mr. Ford.

They look like criminals.

I walked in on them meeting with Dooley,

and they all clammed up.

They're up to something.

Hey, I told Dooley, I'm the senior Santa.

I run the toys for Tykes Drive every Christmas Eve.

If he fired me without cause, I'd sue.

So he framed me to get me out of the way.

Poor Santa.

Well, this is not just some part-time job I've lost.

I make appearances as Santa all year 'round.

It's who I am.

But who'd let their kids near me now, huh?

I just want my reputation back.

I want to be Santa again.

Uh...Okay.

Uh, thank you, Frank.

Uh, we're gonna... Talk it over.

Okay, thanks. Thanks.

Uh, no, no, no. Thank you.

The Christmas spirit has a way of sneaking up on you, you know.

What?

Parker, now, this... this is too thin.

Besides, we were all gonna take a break from each other

and not spend the holidays together... Come on.

Okay. Bad enough it's Christmas

and there's no snow on the ground,

but this is Santa we're talking about, okay?

We can't turn away Santa!

You know that's not really Santa, right?

Obviously. Santa lives at the north pole.

Okay, uh, pop...

A little more smile.

No. Kill it. Too much smile.

All right. Mom?

You're great. One second.

I need junior over here.

And you... Soot! Good times.

Kris Kringle, open up the eyes, man.

Come on, it's Christmas. You're scaring the kids.

On three.

28...19...3!

Yeah, that should be on a magazine.

All right, get on. Who's next?

Oh. It's quite fun being able to shop on the job.

Ooh, that's quite nice.

Is that what you want?

If I'm gonna get that engraved for you,

I'll need to know your real name.

You know what's also quite nice?

A gift certificate.

Oh. Sure. Yeah. That's nice, too.

Okay, looks like I'm up.

Lots of energy, love. Every job's important.

Mr. Dooley.

Hi. Anton Underhill. Retail consul...

I really don't have time for this.

Well, time is money... Hmm.

...And that's what I'm offering you.

Parker? Elliot?

Quick.

Mr. Dooley's not in his office at the moment.

Can I have him return your call?

Feliz Navidad.

All these are for Mr. Dooley?

They are if his name is...

Ashley.

That's my name! No kidding?

Yeah. I swear.

Now, why would someone bring him a bunch of packages

when a pretty little thing like you is sitting right there?

- There's so many of them. - Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

What if we open just one?

It's not Christmas yet.

It feels like Christmas to me right now.

Eliot?

Mm, chocolates!

Outstanding. Yum.

Classic. Mm-hmm.

You know what?

Since we're...

Let me, uh...

Now, this one here...

That feels like lingerie to me.

I'm just saying... I deliver a lot of packages,

and it feels like lingerie to me.

Sad.

Happy.

Dooley framed Santa with his own scotch.

It's a wonder there's any shoppers at all.

You got obstructed sight lines,

the signage is at the wrong height,

and you've got, uh, you know, you've got the bad element,

chasing up the good?

What can I do? Twin pines took all my customers.

Okay, well, what if I were to tell you that my methods

would get more shoppers to open up their wallets, huh?

Hmm? Not too late to make a killing on Christmas Eve.

You know what? I'm really not interested, okay?

But why don't you check out the sales at Talarico?

Denim jackets are half off.

Think about it.

Eben Dooley Jr. inherited the regency square mall

three years ago after his father passed

and has since nearly run it into the ground.

According to his computer files, he...

Turn that off!

Parker!

What?

As I was saying,

according to his computer files,

he's been inflating income.

And the reality is

the mall is on the verge of bankruptcy.

Well, that would explain the anti-anxiety meds.

Oh, I'd pop pills, too, if I had his gambling debts.

Parker, is that the Lion of Gilgamesh?

Mm-hmm. Stole it in Dubai in '05.

Think it looks nice next to the star sapphire I took from the Prado.

Okay, careful!

You've got like millions of dollars' worth of loot on that tree.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.

Hey, guys, check this out.

Eben's on a flight on Christmas Eve to San Lorenzo.

And those Santas? Ex-cons.

See, the facial recognition ... it focuses on the eyes.

Thought they could fool me with those fake beards.

Sad.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah. Yeah, it's an insurance scam.

He's desperate for money,

so he fires the old Santas,

he hires these goons to rob the mall,

and by fleeing to San Lorenzo, he's got an alibi.

If we can take Dooley down, we can prove he framed Santa.

Yeah, Sophie, don't let Dooley get on that plane.

And we're gonna need somebody inside the mall.

I'm already on it.

Hacking into the mall's employee database as we speak.

Stop it.

Hey, Eliot. You in the spirit yet?

Ho ho ho.

What do you want for Christmas, kid?

You're not really Santa.

Is that a real beard?

Hey. Don't.

You smell like my stepdad after he plays basketball.

Why's the north pole over here this year?

It's usually on the other side by the pretzel stand.

They'll put frosting on your pretzels if you ask.

All right, look, man.

Frosting's gonna give you cavities.

Okay? Happy holidays.

Wait! I want a rubbery Robby!

You're gonna get a Sammy spanking, you don't get off my lap.

Don't worry!

Santa just hasn't had his morning nog yet!

You're Santa! Respect the suit!

Parker, this beard is itchy!

All right? And somebody peed on my lap earlier!

And everybody wants a...Rub me Robby.

"Rubbery Robby." It's a toy.

- This is the worst job ever. - This is the best job ever.

Oh, this is easily one of my favorite missions.

Nate, I don't understand why you couldn't play Santa.

Well, you know, Dooley's seen me, first of all,

and secondly, you just fit in better with the other Santas.

Really? You're the ex-con.

Yeah, but you're just so...Jolly.

Jolly.

Hardison, I'm gonna...

I got a lump of coal with your name on it!

Okay, Sophie, have you made contact with Dooley yet?

On our way to the car now.

Wow.

This guy's right on the edge.

I could really do a number on him.

Get up.

All right, just make sure

he doesn't get on that plane.

And, listen, if you can spook him

into calling an audible, go to town.

Hardison, here... Here's the real driver.

♪ See the blazing yule before us ♪

♪ fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ zap the car with e-m-p ♪

♪ fa-la-la-la... Boom ♪

What's with the power?

All right.

Why isn't this working?

Come on.

Hey, come on!

Hey! Hey!

Come on! What?

Christmas in the tropics, eh?

That's no fun.

I'd rather be there than here.

Oh, not me.

It's not the holidays without a chill in the air.

Got my whole family coming over from slough.

So many details!

So many last-minute preparations!

Is everything ready? Hmm? Yeah.

Is my goose cooked?

Is there enough plum pudding for everyone?

Don't want to get caught

not forgetting someone a present.

No, no, no, no, no. That would be a crime.

Excuse me.

Hi. Yeah, it's me.

Uh, could you run through it one more time, please?

Well, because I want to know that everything is ready.

Are you tracking this?

No, the signal's encrypted.

For a bunch of Santas, they have some damn good tech.

Yeah. Good as a burger joint.

All right.

Sounds good, right?

Hey, these guys aren't talking on their phones.

Maybe Dooley's working with somebody else.

Don't tell me to calm down!

All right, I'm the one who...

I'm the one who's putting himself on the line.

Okay.

All right.

Excuse me, miss, uh, could you hurry?

I really need to make my flight.

You're the boss.

Oh. Uh, excuse me, miss? There's something wrong with...

Hey! What the hell are you doing?!

Hey! Hey!

Flight's delayed.

Hey.

What's up? What's up with him?

You know that guy?

No.

Where'd you come from?

And don't say "the north pole."

Relax. I'm on the team.

Dooley brought me in.

Little extra help for the job tonight.

Good. We could use the extra muscle.

Where do you want me?

Front and center.

Ho ho ho.

Give to the needy.

'Tis the season.

Boy, Eliot, come on.

You're not gonna get any donations like that.

Put some heart into it.

I don't understand why I can't just take these guys out. All right?

I took out a Uruguayan death squad

with nothing but piano wire and a...

What?

Santa stuff, man.

You got any money?

Get the hell on!

Listen, there will be plenty of clobbering time

once the job begins.

We just have a couple of hours before the mall closes,

so relax... I'll bring you a pretzel.

Woman on P.A. Dr. Raymond Jack to cardiology.

Dr. Raymond Jack to cardiology.

I...

I have to catch my flight.

Oh, you're not going anywhere, I'm afraid, not in your condition.

You don't understand, I have to get out of town.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Calm down.

Do you know how lucky you are?

The universe must have a plan for you.

No, not me.

I am beyond saving.

No one's beyond saving, Mr. Dooley.

Not at Christmas time.

More morphine.

Mm.

More drugs.

Santa?

Why don't you help out the needy, man?

I got a quota to fill here.

Yeah. Ho ho ho.

How you doing? Merry Christmas.

Yeah. They got credit cards

for those things?

I don't know, man.

I guess it's more convenient these days.

I got to get a picture of this.

Damn the jokes, man. I will knock you out with this bell, man.

I'm serious. Hey, man, come on.

Hey. This thing's got an RFID antenna.

Radio frequency I.D.?

Maybe to prevent shoplifting.

Or not.

Guys, those are at every exit.

Do you think they're connected to the robbery?

Not a physical robbery.

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

It's virtual.

So you're saying this thing's bigger than we thought.

Guys, this whole mall is an identity sponge.

Between the kettle and the RFID readers,

Dooley's collecting thousands of credit and debit numbers

through the holiday season.

Yeah, Christmas Eve is the peak time for credit-card activity.

These companies' defenses,

they're overwhelmed by all the last-minute transactions in the system,

so they're up all night trying to process the backlog.

Sure. So fraudulent charges aren't gonna flag.

Yeah, but credit-card holders are only liable for, what,

50 bucks a fraud?

Well, per incident.

Yeah, if there's hundreds of incidents

and hundreds of transactions on every card.

When the stores close tonight,

Dooley and his team are gonna rip off millions of dollars,

and no one will even notice.

He's stealing Christmas.

I was just trying to stay afloat.

What am I supposed to do?

Credit card frauds?

Sophie, find out how Dooley's pulling the trigger.

He's got to be working with a hacker.

He's right on the edge. I think I can turn him.

Get him to call the whole thing off.

Well, hurry up.

We might be too late already.

Hello?

How quickly can you get to Boston Common Hospital?

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Santa?

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Well...

If it isn't Ebenezer Dooley.

Taken a little tumble, have we?

What are you doing here?

Children in hospitals

need toys, too.

You look like you could use a...

Rubbery Robby doll.

I fired you.

Why would you be kind to me?

Oh, Santa doesn't hold grudges. Mm.

But there is something I want to talk to you about.

Credit-card fraud, Eben?

On Christmas Eve?

What?

What are y...

How do you know?

Santa knows everything.

He's got a list.

Okay, what are you?

What... Are you the real Santa?

You know?

You know what I did?

Ho ho ho.

I want...

I want to be nice, Santa.

I don't want to be naughty.

Well, then you know what you have to do!

Call off your hacker,

and Santa will pretend this never happened.

What...

Here.

Oh.

That's him now.

Yeah.

Hey. Hi.

Yeah, I want you to stop. Turn it off.

I don't want to go through...

Mm?

I don't...

He wants to talk to Sophie Devereaux.

Who is this?

Hello, Sophie.

It's the Grinch who stole Christmas.

Chaos?

Long time, no try to kill you.

Now, this here's Colin Mason.

Otherwise known by his hacker handle

as "Chaos."

There's no way I'm gonna try to out-con

Sophie Devereaux!

Hello, Sophie. Chaos.

I take it that, via your comms,

I'm talking to the entire Justice League?

Hello, Chaos.

I thought we left you rotting in a federal prison.

Oh, come on. Those things are made to be broken out of.

You of all people know that.

Especially one that runs its security

off an unencrypted operating system.

Am I right, Hardison?

Oh, and, uh, Parker?

You look yummy

in that elf costume.

Hey. The Santas.

Come on.

They're gone.

Hey, guys, their cocoa's still warm.

They can't be far...

Y'all.

Damn it, Hardison.

Don't bother trying to chase us.

All the pieces are in place for my credit-card catastrophe.

And there is nothing that you or that waste of painkillers,

Eben Dooley,

can do about it.

Oh, and, Hardison?

This is a nice gun.

Maybe if I'm a good boy, Santa will bring me one.

Oh, Lucille two!

Ho ho ho!

Come on, man!

What, he set the E.M.P. on "toast"?

He killed her, Nate.

I hate him.

I hate him.

She was a good van.

We'll get you another.

Santa is so angry.

How's he gonna pull this off?

Okay, look, his network is piggybacking

off of the city's trunk line.

It's the Internet backbone.

Eliot, you can rip all you want, man,

but you're not shutting Chaos down from here.

What? Let's pull the trigger.

Then every second that we delay,

innocent people are getting scammed.

So the only way to turn Chaos off...

Is to turn off the trunk line.

Which is housed at...

The Yakamoto building.

Hardison, that's a major operation

on a military-grade facility.

I can call my sources, man.

I need a week of planning,

new equipment...

All right, Sophie, meet us at the Yakamoto building downtown.

We're gonna pull an Edward Albee.

Get out of the way...

Are you folks okay?

Yeah, yeah, no... This is a restricted area.

I had a little too much eggnog. I might have hit your building.

It's all right. Keep her away from me! It's another red-brick building!

You know who lives in a red-brick building?

My sister!

Wh-o-o-o-oa!

Aaaaaah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Aah!

Fifth floor!

You know what? That was not on my bucket list, okay?

Oh, come on! Do you know how many chimneys

Santa has to go down tonight?

You only had to go down one.

Yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap!

How many times have you been over there, huh?

At my sister's?

Every five minutes, sneaking over to see my sister, huh?

Every chance he gets... Take it easy, stop!

He's over at my sister's. Ma'am? Ma 'am?

You know what? When this is over,

we gonna have us a long talk.

Okay, server room is that way.

Merry Christmas, Bud.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

I love you, baby. I love you, too.

I'm sorry. Ah, that's okay.

My sister... She's not even cute.

I don't even like her.

Sorry, Bud. Get some overtime.

Server-room alarm is off.

Don't touch anything.

Nate, man,

this is like trying to plug a fire hose with a pebble.

Hardison, are you saying you can't do it?

When have I ever said that...

Ever?

He's in.

You're in, right?

Yeah.

Just have to find the sector

with the mall so we don't shut down the whole city.

All right, Chaos,

this is for Lucille two.

Oh, you can keep knocking, but you ain't coming in.

Yeah, okay. We should probably... Shall we?

Yeah. Ciao.

Well, people, not bad, huh?

For like... what was it?... 8 minutes of planning?

I feel bad I had to take out the guard, though.

I left him a candy cane.

That's all right. I-I feel like caroling.

Is it too late for caroling? Of course not.

Hey, man. It's still Christmas Eve.

What's the matter?

Come on, we did just take down

one of the most secure facilities in town.

Boom... Don't leave me hangin'.

Every law-enforcement agency is descending them Yakamoto right now.

Come on.

Why would the Treasury Department be sending a car?

I mean, why would they be interested

in some neighborhood losing their Internet access?

I-I don't know. Uh, trunk lines can't be hacked.

The government could use them for a security application,

theoretically.

Yeah. Call up the mall.

Now, when you shut off the lines to the mall,

you also shut off the depository.

Yeah. That's it right there.

Okay, guys...

We just got played.

Gentlemen, the federal bank depository is ours.

'Tis the season to be jolly.

How do you not think to ask your sources

what else is on that trunk line?

How come you didn't figure out Chaos was after the bank, man?

I thought all you dorks thought alike!

I did my job, man! You want to see me do mine?

Your job is to deliver magic and joy

to little boys and girls.

Wow, I thought Christmas at Aunt Emily's was humiliating.

You got to check every... every avenue!

I did check every avenue!

Enough!

We all did our jobs!

Everyone except me.

Now, Chaos, he manipulated us because we're the best.

Now, my job is to see two steps ahead.

I-I should have realized that this credit-card scam

was a setup... I didn't.

This way.

Nate Ford's crew really came through for us.

I knew they would.

All I had to do was set up the dominoes.

Then my mesh network maxes out the credit cards,

and the cash rolls in.

It's the answer to your prayers.

Tell me again about the money.

He can't treat you like this.

I know somebody who can help.

Ask for Nate Ford.

He's very dependable, that Nate Ford.

I-I-I didn't take this job seriously.

I-I don't know.

I just, um, I led us right into Chaos' trap.

We were all thrown.

Yes, but it's my job not to be.

I'm sorry.

You're what?

Christmas Eve is a magical night.

Well, you just ruined it.

Okay.

The plan is...

To figure out the plan in the car.

Hold up.

We're good to go.

Now, fellas, don't get greedy.

Only take the first 50 million.

Any visual on Chaos?

No sign of entry.

No roof access.

They must have gone in underneath.

No. Tunneling's too risky. It would have taken months.

Unless the tunnel was already there.

Back in the '60s,

pedestrian tunnels were sort of the wave of the future.

The mob made a fortune on the contracts

until the state shut them down.

And you got this from your days in insurance.

Oh, no, my dad's pals,

they used to joke about going to live in the tunnels

when their wives kicked them out.

So how do we get in?

Why is the north pole over here this year?

It's usually on the other side by the pretzel stand.

The north pole.

What?

The entrance is under the north pole.

Let's go.

All right, you guys. Let's go.

'Tis the season to move your asses.

Okay, let's all line up at the north pole!

Santa's got presents for everybody!

Dooley?

Hey, driver lady!

And...Pushy consultant guy!

You're just in time.

Wait. Pull up the beard, son.

Respect the suit.

Told ya.

What's going on, Frank?

The toys for Tykes Drive is back on...

Thanks to Mr. Dooley.

Yeah, it's still Christmas Eve,

and I said to Santa,

it's not too late to make those kids' dreams come true.

Drove a bus to the family shelter

and loaded everyone up.

At first, I thought it was the pills,

but now I think he's really changed.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Eliot, go meet Chaos in the tunnels.

The rest of you got some last-minute shopping to do.

Well, if it isn't Kristina Kringle.

Chaos.

You killed my friend's van.

Oh yeah, I recked that van.

Take him out, guys.

Meet me at the garage. All right.

We're doing this beards or without beards, boys?

Santa's coming to town.

Yes, I'm calling about the attack on the trunk lines.

Eliot, what's happening?

Aah!

Let's go!

Eliot.

Eliot, what's happening? Eliot?

Nate, they're headed back to the mall.

Okay, I'll take it from here.

Hurry up! Chaos is waiting!

Come on.

Give me your bag.

Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

All right.

That's right, kids.

The Santas have brought toys for everybody!

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Boys?

Come on, spread the holiday cheer!

Now, you heard the elf.

You can't make me.

No.

But they can.

Hey, hey!

Go on, kids. Dig in.

Where's the money?

What is this stuff? This is crazy.

This is a doll, man. What happened to the money?

Ugh!

Let's go!

What happened to the money?

Ho ho ho ho ho.

Ho ho ho!

Special Agent Hagen.

You must have gotten my handler's call.

Deep cover.

You're gonna find the stolen cash under the tunnel.

Here you go.

Come on. Everyone gets one.

Come on, Santas.

Pass it out. Pass it out.

What did you get? Wait.

Wait for the kids to leave.

We don't want to ruin Christmas.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Come on.

Here you go.

Come on, kids. Open 'em up. Don't be shy.

Thanks, Santa.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Oh, Santa, how are we gonna top this next year, huh?

Do you mean I have my job back?

I think this mall could use a Santa year-round.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho!

You are high on the holiday spirit.

Yes, I am!

And pills mixed with morphine.

I can't believe you let me drive here.

Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Ho ho ho ho ho!

So, are you mean or not?

Gather 'round, children.

Shh. Don't tell anybody.

Sorry, Santas, but the Grinch has a plane to catch.

What's up, Mason?

Oh, come on.

Okay.

Hey, be careful with him, all right?

I mean, he looks harmless, pathetic even...

weak chin, pale complexion...

but I assure you, he's dangerous.

You have to admit, it was a good plan.

Yeah.

But there's one thing you didn't count on. Oh, no.

You forgot about the true meaning... No. No.

Don't you say it! ...Of Christmas.

Aah! That barely applies here!

Let's go. Come on!

Ho ho ho.

Hey, pardon my language on Christmas,

but, uh, we kicked Chaos' ass.

Yes, we did. Here's to that.

Hey, so when are you gonna take that off?

The whole...The Santa beard... Didn't do it for me.

Wow.

Sorry. Hey, listen.

This being Christmas Eve and all,

um, Sophie and I, we thought...

Well, me mostly... Sophie definitely helped.

We thought ... and by the way,

there's no need to reciprocate, mind you...

It's... but we thought...

We got you presents.

Yeah. You bought us gifts?

Well, I wouldn't say "bought," exactly. Mm.

We, um, "obtained." Yeah.

So, Eliot...

You're first.

This is a Hanzo sword.

Yeah.

How'd...

Who did you talk...

Well, I-I know a guy who knows a guy

who knows a samurai.

Hardison.

No, this can't be.

It is.

Prototype 7.

They haven't even released version 5 yet.

Well, I won't tell if you won't.

You better believe it.

Don't torture her.

Okay. All right, Parker, you're next.

Put your hands out.

How did you know?

Nonsequential serial numbers?

My favorite!

Oh!

You know, I got something for you, too.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Yeah, you're right. Give it to me quick.

Here you are.

"Your name here."

You know, you don't have to get me anything.

In fact, I'd prefer if you didn't.

I'm very hard to shop for, so...

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! I, uh...

I'm gonna give you something.

There's something...

For you.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

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