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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
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♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
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♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
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He's gone too far this time, dude.
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The stuff he's saying about
Jews is out of control.
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Bro, you just got to ignore him.
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Bro, it's pretty hard to ignore him
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00:00:50,839 --> 00:00:52,492
when he's saying it all on a podcast.
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He actually said that
all women are whores,
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and the only thing we're
good at is murdering babies.
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Look, guys, just leave it alone.
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Don't give him any more attention.
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That's easy for you to say, dude.
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Yeah, you are one of
the multitudes of groups
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00:01:03,678 --> 00:01:05,637
he's spewing his stupid shit about.
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00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:07,942
Hey, guys. Who are you talking about?
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00:01:07,953 --> 00:01:08,962
Clyde.
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- Clyde?
- Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast.
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Hey, here he comes.
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Whatever, guys.
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Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
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You don't know a thing
about the Jewish people.
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Yeah, and shut up about girls' bodies.
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Well, that sounds like a very
female and Jew thing to say.
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If you guys don't like it,
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00:01:26,745 --> 00:01:28,312
why don't you come
debate me on my podcast?
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We're not indulging your stupid podcast.
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Yeah, screw you, fat ass.
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Wha... what?
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Now, as your counselor,
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I want to try and
understand why you're doing
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00:01:41,107 --> 00:01:42,935
all these bad things you're doing.
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The other students are
very upset at this podcast.
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And what makes you think you got to say
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all this stuff, Clyde?
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Hey, I'm just trying
to make my nut, man.
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Y-your nut?
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Yeah, you know, kids
have it tough these days.
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00:01:57,558 --> 00:02:00,386
We got Xbox subscriptions,
PS5, Steam subscriptions,
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00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,563
Netflix, HBO, you
want to order DoorDash.
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00:02:02,781 --> 00:02:04,348
My nut's about 60 bucks a week.
51
00:02:04,609 --> 00:02:06,436
So you know, as a kid,
if you could do a podcast,
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00:02:06,437 --> 00:02:08,526
say some really divisive shit,
then you could make your nut.
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Well, Clyde, there's
more important things
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than a nut, mkay?
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Like what?
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Well, like being nice, mkay,
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making people smile, helping people out.
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That's why I became a counselor.
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Yes?
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Mr. Mackey, I need
you to pack your stuff.
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You've been fired, bud.
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W-what?
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Government's doing away with
needless spending in schools.
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Get your things. Last
paycheck's up front.
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What are you talking about?
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Hey, wait a minute, PC Principal.
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Power Christian Principle, yes.
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I've worked here for 26 years.
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We appreciate your
service to this school,
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00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,038
but the government's cutting
back on unnecessary expenses.
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00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,128
Well, what's more important
than a school counselor?
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Schools have one counselor now,
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00:02:48,174 --> 00:02:50,045
and he is the greatest
counselor that ever lived.
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Thanks for everything.
Now, pack your shit.
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00:02:56,487 --> 00:02:57,495
But...
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what about my nut?
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Hello, and welcome
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to the "Clyde Donovan Podcast."
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Welcome to the Channel of Truth, guys.
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You can't trust Jews,
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white people are the underprivileged,
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and women belong at home.
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I'd like to welcome our first guest
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to the debate, Eric Cartman.
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What the hell do you
think you're doing, Clyde?
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00:03:34,742 --> 00:03:36,264
We're here speaking
the truth about the Jews
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and the underprivileged white class...
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That's my shtick.
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Knock it off, Clyde. You stole my idea.
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00:03:40,922 --> 00:03:42,271
I don't know about stealing ideas,
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00:03:42,359 --> 00:03:44,142
but I do know about some
amazing supplement powders
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- that are an absolute steal...
- Supplement powders?
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HE-MAN supplement powders
can really help you
94
00:03:47,189 --> 00:03:49,277
- bulk up and get...
- Are you fucking serious?
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00:03:49,278 --> 00:03:51,149
People are sponsoring
you for ripping me off?
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00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:52,542
And it's really just the
best way to get ripped quick.
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So be sure to get some.
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00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,328
And also, be sure to hashtag
#RespectClydesAuthority.
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00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:57,601
What?
100
00:03:59,637 --> 00:04:01,812
So after losing my job, I realized
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00:04:01,813 --> 00:04:05,382
I really better get a handle
on how much I spend a month.
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00:04:05,686 --> 00:04:06,730
Yes, Mr. Mackey.
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00:04:06,731 --> 00:04:08,209
Looking over your portfolio here,
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00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:11,039
it appears you've got
about an $8,000 a month nut.
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$8,000 a month?
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00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,140
I had no idea my nut was that big.
107
00:04:16,175 --> 00:04:18,437
Now, we could get you a
debt consolidation loan,
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00:04:18,438 --> 00:04:19,786
cancel your streaming services,
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00:04:19,787 --> 00:04:21,005
downgrade your phone subscription,
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00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:22,485
do a second mortgage on your house,
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00:04:22,486 --> 00:04:24,705
and your nut's still $8,000...
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00:04:25,659 --> 00:04:26,694
a month.
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But I don't have anything, mkay?
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00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:30,667
I can't find a job.
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Nobody's hiring counselors anymore.
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What am I supposed to do?
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00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,935
Well, there are other
career opportunities.
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00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:38,284
Have you considered...
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00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,286
a job with the I-C-E?
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00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:43,550
Help your country round
up undocumented immigrants.
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ICE?
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00:04:46,074 --> 00:04:47,119
I'm a counselor.
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I help people.
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I would never work for ICE.
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I understand you have
to have your principles.
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00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:55,213
It's just they are offering new recruits
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00:04:55,214 --> 00:04:57,259
about a $100,000 salary.
128
00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:00,785
Say... say what now?
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00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:04,571
Are you looking for a new career?
130
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,704
Why not join the I-C-E?
131
00:05:07,356 --> 00:05:08,574
We have jobs available now
132
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,012
with up to a $50,000 signing bonus.
133
00:05:11,622 --> 00:05:12,710
Signing bonus?
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00:05:13,232 --> 00:05:15,538
♪ We don't ask for experience ♪
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00:05:15,539 --> 00:05:16,888
♪ Just show up ♪
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00:05:17,105 --> 00:05:20,761
♪ We don't care if you've
read a book or grown up ♪
137
00:05:20,935 --> 00:05:23,721
♪ If you're crazy or fat and lazy ♪
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00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:25,810
♪ We don't care at all ♪
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I'm proud to work for the I-C-E.
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♪ Immigration and Customs Enforcement ♪
141
00:05:33,557 --> 00:05:34,948
♪ If you need a job ♪
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♪ It's a job ♪
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00:05:37,022 --> 00:05:38,062
♪ To have ♪
144
00:05:43,436 --> 00:05:46,743
And now, watch as
Clyde Donovan totally destroys
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00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:48,441
these woke liberal students.
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00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:50,311
Welcome to the channel, guys.
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00:05:50,312 --> 00:05:52,270
Looks like a lot of whiny
babies have a problem
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00:05:52,271 --> 00:05:54,621
with what I say, so prove me wrong.
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00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,318
Uh, Hey, Clyde.
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Um, you said nothing good
ever came from the Jews.
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00:05:58,886 --> 00:06:01,975
But if that's true,
why are bagels so yummy?
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00:06:01,976 --> 00:06:03,195
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
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00:06:03,369 --> 00:06:04,631
Well, you've obviously
been taught by the Jews
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00:06:04,805 --> 00:06:06,240
to have a problem with this
school and with America.
155
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,286
So let me ask you this... what
is your definition of a woman?
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00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,365
Wait, now, what?
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00:06:10,376 --> 00:06:12,117
What is a woman? It's
a very simple question.
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00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:15,641
Well, a woman is a lady friend
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00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,338
who, you know, gives you kisses.
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00:06:17,339 --> 00:06:18,470
You see, you can't answer the question.
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00:06:18,471 --> 00:06:19,950
But something is male or it is female.
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00:06:19,951 --> 00:06:21,473
Both science and
scripture agree to that.
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00:06:21,474 --> 00:06:23,040
And that's just the truth. Next.
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Another woke student totally destroyed.
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Oh, jeez.
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Did you call the girls' soccer team
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00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,178
a Marxist indoctrination factory?
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That is correct.
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We actually beat the
boys 4 to 0, you know.
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You can whine about American
oppression all you want,
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00:06:36,533 --> 00:06:38,229
but you're using an iPhone
made by the free market
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00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:39,883
to complain about a
system that gave it to you.
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Girls have it way easy in America,
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and that's just the truth.
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Woke student totally pwned.
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Women have it good in America,
just like Black people do.
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00:06:47,642 --> 00:06:49,273
Black people have
everything handed to them...
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Motherfucker!
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I'm sick of people stealing my schtick.
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If anyone around here is
gonna be a master debater,
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00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,853
it's me. So let's go.
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00:07:03,864 --> 00:07:05,343
Who wants to debate the master debater?
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00:07:05,344 --> 00:07:06,475
Let's go. You right there.
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00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,528
That's the stupidest
haircut I've ever seen.
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00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:10,548
You are wrong.
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00:07:10,559 --> 00:07:13,247
Leviticus 3:17 says it
shall be a perpetual statute
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00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:15,005
for your generations
throughout all your dwellings.
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00:07:15,006 --> 00:07:16,094
So you can shut up, Bebe.
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00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:17,925
You just hate America
and you love abortions.
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00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,632
Mr. Mackey?
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00:07:32,893 --> 00:07:34,112
Uh, yes, r-right here.
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00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:39,754
Have a seat, sir.
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00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:43,948
What makes you want to work
for immigration enforcement?
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00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:45,398
Uh, well,
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00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,278
you see, I got a nut.
196
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,606
All right, you're hired.
Take this to the next station
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00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,520
for your physical and orientation video.
198
00:07:52,897 --> 00:07:54,116
Well, th-that's it?
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00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,529
You will now watch an orientation video
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00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:04,142
featuring the Director
of Homeland Security.
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00:08:10,278 --> 00:08:11,845
Welcome to the team, recruits.
202
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:14,413
I'm Kristi Noem, Head
of Homeland Security.
203
00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:17,590
Oh, she seems nice, mkay? Very pretty.
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00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:20,113
A few years ago, I had
to put my puppy down
205
00:08:20,114 --> 00:08:21,594
by shooting it in the face,
206
00:08:21,725 --> 00:08:23,551
because sometimes doing what's important
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00:08:23,552 --> 00:08:24,989
means doing what's hard.
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00:08:29,297 --> 00:08:30,342
Whoa. Whoa.
209
00:08:30,575 --> 00:08:32,692
Now, we'll ask
the same determination of you.
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00:08:34,694 --> 00:08:36,347
Because detaining and questioning people
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00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:37,479
is never easy.
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00:08:40,831 --> 00:08:42,179
Oh, God!
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00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,876
As the face of Homeland Security,
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00:08:43,877 --> 00:08:44,922
I'll be leading the way.
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00:08:48,099 --> 00:08:49,534
And together, we'll make sure
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00:08:49,535 --> 00:08:51,668
everyone is in this country legally.
217
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,975
So let's get out there
and get 'em, recruits.
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00:08:55,976 --> 00:08:57,804
Together, we can make it happen.
219
00:09:01,025 --> 00:09:02,721
We hope you enjoyed the presentation.
220
00:09:02,722 --> 00:09:05,116
Please step through to the
vehicles for your first raid.
221
00:09:19,347 --> 00:09:21,915
Keep your hands and feet
inside the vehicle at all times.
222
00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:29,095
Lock and load, recruits!
223
00:09:29,096 --> 00:09:30,315
Prepare to raid!
224
00:09:31,383 --> 00:09:33,464
Mmm-kay.
225
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,953
Watch as Eric Cartman shuts down
226
00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:38,432
these woke liberal students.
227
00:09:38,433 --> 00:09:39,436
Oh, my God.
228
00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:40,752
What makes you think you have the right
229
00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:43,394
to say what I do with my body?
230
00:09:43,395 --> 00:09:44,415
Let me ask you something.
231
00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:46,517
If a pregnant woman is
killed and the baby dies too,
232
00:09:46,528 --> 00:09:48,442
why is the killer charged
with a double homicide?
233
00:09:48,443 --> 00:09:51,228
Well, b... because people
have different beliefs.
234
00:09:51,229 --> 00:09:52,751
It's not about belief. It's about truth.
235
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:54,535
Science confirms life
begins at conception.
236
00:09:54,536 --> 00:09:56,407
So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5
says, before I formed you
237
00:09:56,408 --> 00:09:58,518
in the womb, I knew you. But
it's just morality that demands
238
00:09:58,529 --> 00:09:59,791
we protect the most vulnerable.
239
00:09:59,802 --> 00:10:01,630
So let me ask you... when
do you think life begins?
240
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,676
Eric, are you all right in there?
241
00:10:04,677 --> 00:10:06,897
Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.
I'm just in here master debating.
242
00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:09,594
Well, Eric, that's enough.
243
00:10:09,595 --> 00:10:11,161
Let's get out of the bathroom.
244
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:12,471
I can't, Mom. I'm master
245
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:13,980
debating to these young college girls.
246
00:10:13,991 --> 00:10:16,470
That's very naughty, Eric. Stop it.
247
00:10:16,471 --> 00:10:18,298
Mom, I finally got
sponsored by a protein powder,
248
00:10:18,299 --> 00:10:20,171
so I gotta master debate
for a couple more hours.
249
00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:22,086
Leviticus 9:1-8. Leave me alone.
250
00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:30,384
All right, recruits. This is it.
251
00:10:30,688 --> 00:10:31,775
We're heading to a location
252
00:10:31,776 --> 00:10:33,648
that might be filled with illegals.
253
00:10:33,822 --> 00:10:35,911
Let's take these bad hombres down.
254
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,063
Backpack.
255
00:10:39,074 --> 00:10:40,119
Backpack.
256
00:10:40,655 --> 00:10:42,657
Backpack. Backpack.
257
00:10:47,749 --> 00:10:49,358
♪ I'm the map, I'm the map ♪
258
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:51,099
♪ I'm the map, he's the map ♪
259
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,100
♪ He's the map, I'm the map ♪
260
00:10:52,111 --> 00:10:53,127
Freeze!
261
00:10:56,533 --> 00:10:58,100
Oh, God. Mkay.
262
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,806
We're just here for questioning.
263
00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:04,504
Cooperate, and nothing bad... holy shit.
264
00:11:12,774 --> 00:11:14,383
Look, I'm really sorry about this.
265
00:11:14,384 --> 00:11:16,909
It's just, I got a
monthly nut, you know?
266
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,780
I gotta make my nut.
267
00:11:22,131 --> 00:11:23,872
You did a good job in there, soldier.
268
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,265
Mkay. Thank you, Captain.
269
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:28,093
I know it's tough doing what's hard,
270
00:11:28,094 --> 00:11:30,444
but we could use more men
like you in the...
271
00:11:31,575 --> 00:11:32,880
Whoa, what the fuck?
272
00:11:32,881 --> 00:11:34,404
Your Botox, Ms. Noem.
273
00:11:34,622 --> 00:11:35,927
Oh, yeah. Fix me up.
274
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:36,949
Fix me up.
275
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,857
Another day doing what's tough.
276
00:11:48,244 --> 00:11:49,873
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
277
00:11:49,884 --> 00:11:52,254
But a body growing inside a
woman's body is not her body.
278
00:11:52,265 --> 00:11:53,657
It's a completely separate fetus...
279
00:11:55,469 --> 00:11:56,818
Eric, what are you doing?
280
00:11:57,597 --> 00:11:58,815
I'm sorry, mom.
281
00:11:58,907 --> 00:12:01,301
You told me to go to sleep, but
I started masterdebating again.
282
00:12:02,084 --> 00:12:04,434
This is really getting
to be a problem, Eric.
283
00:12:04,565 --> 00:12:05,616
Mom, you don't understand.
284
00:12:05,627 --> 00:12:06,975
I'm getting really good at this.
285
00:12:06,986 --> 00:12:08,481
I have my arguments down rock solid.
286
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:10,135
These young college girls
are totally unprepared,
287
00:12:10,136 --> 00:12:12,441
so I can just destroy them
and also edit out all the ones
288
00:12:12,442 --> 00:12:13,704
that actually argue back well.
289
00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:15,270
It just feels so good.
290
00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:16,837
I understand it feels good,
291
00:12:16,838 --> 00:12:19,362
but that doesn't mean
you do it all the time.
292
00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:20,885
I'm sorry, Mommy.
293
00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:23,191
Put the computer away
and leave those poor
294
00:12:23,192 --> 00:12:24,758
college girls alone.
295
00:12:24,759 --> 00:12:25,760
Okay.
296
00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:27,370
I won't master debate anymore tonight.
297
00:12:29,285 --> 00:12:30,851
Look, look, you can call
it reproductive rights.
298
00:12:30,852 --> 00:12:32,288
But be honest, if a baby could speak,
299
00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:33,739
it would fight for its right to live.
300
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,650
- Eric Cartman!
- I'm sorry, Mom!
301
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:40,861
Tom, another protest today,
as thousands turned out
302
00:12:40,862 --> 00:12:43,385
in downtown Denver
to voice their outrage
303
00:12:43,386 --> 00:12:44,822
against the I-C-E.
304
00:12:45,171 --> 00:12:47,216
This is just out of control.
305
00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:49,522
A lot of the people being
targeted in these raids
306
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:52,699
are kind, hard-working,
deeply faithful people
307
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,310
who care for their families.
308
00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:58,705
I have no doubt that there are
many, many Latinos in heaven.
309
00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:15,729
Oh, this is bad.
310
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,049
Mkay?
311
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,605
Remember, only detain the brown ones.
312
00:13:29,606 --> 00:13:31,259
If it's brown, it goes down.
313
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,305
Jesus, look out!
314
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,532
There's another one flying over here.
315
00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:44,621
Catch him! Catch him!
316
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,885
I just need to ask you some questions,
317
00:13:48,886 --> 00:13:50,497
mkay, make sure you're legal.
318
00:13:50,888 --> 00:13:52,673
How did you get into heaven?
319
00:13:52,977 --> 00:13:55,283
Um, I was really nice to people,
320
00:13:55,284 --> 00:13:57,285
and I helped various charities.
321
00:13:57,286 --> 00:13:58,852
Look, I'm really sorry about this,
322
00:13:58,853 --> 00:14:00,724
but I'm just trying to make my nut.
323
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,422
Mackey, I need a word.
324
00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,251
Yes, Captain?
325
00:14:05,686 --> 00:14:07,556
You did another great
job out there, Mackey.
326
00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:08,732
I like your style.
327
00:14:09,429 --> 00:14:10,778
Oh. Thank you.
328
00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:12,257
The President's handing out bonuses
329
00:14:12,258 --> 00:14:13,432
to recruits that stand out.
330
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:14,781
And I'm going to recommend you
331
00:14:14,782 --> 00:14:16,198
for the next set of bonuses that...
332
00:14:16,784 --> 00:14:17,932
Ah!
333
00:14:18,699 --> 00:14:19,702
Grab it!
334
00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:24,541
No more brownies in heaven.
335
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,665
Hello and welcome to the third annual
336
00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:32,582
Charlie Kirk Award for
Young Masterdebaters.
337
00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:36,455
More and more young people today
338
00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:38,283
are learning to fight for America
339
00:14:38,284 --> 00:14:39,720
through masterdebation.
340
00:14:39,937 --> 00:14:43,376
We're here to honor the recent
efforts of a brave young man
341
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,768
who has been furiously masterdebating
342
00:14:45,769 --> 00:14:48,206
for the past several
days and has won himself
343
00:14:48,207 --> 00:14:52,340
not only this trophy, but also
an all expenses paid vacation
344
00:14:52,341 --> 00:14:54,473
to a beautiful five-star resort.
345
00:14:58,478 --> 00:15:00,958
He has proven himself the true champion.
346
00:15:01,394 --> 00:15:03,395
Please welcome the
best young masterdebater
347
00:15:03,396 --> 00:15:05,833
of our time, Clyde Donovan.
348
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:07,929
Clyde?
349
00:15:11,997 --> 00:15:13,998
No! That's my trip
to a five-star resort!
350
00:15:14,102 --> 00:15:15,582
Come on, Eric. Let's go.
351
00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:18,177
Thanks, everyone.
352
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,281
The Civil Rights Act was a huge mistake.
353
00:15:20,282 --> 00:15:23,154
And, I don't know, lesbians
are an abomination of God.
354
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,896
You all stole my schtick!
355
00:15:26,723 --> 00:15:28,116
Clyde!
356
00:15:32,677 --> 00:15:33,711
Okay.
357
00:15:33,722 --> 00:15:35,462
We got some of your pay stubs in.
358
00:15:35,463 --> 00:15:37,203
Let's see how that nut's looking.
359
00:15:40,405 --> 00:15:41,927
Well, seems you got some bonuses
360
00:15:41,928 --> 00:15:43,581
for rounding up the most Mexicans.
361
00:15:43,582 --> 00:15:44,757
Shh.
362
00:15:44,974 --> 00:15:47,237
We don't round up Mexicans, okay?
363
00:15:47,368 --> 00:15:50,328
We just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.
364
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,448
Okay.
365
00:15:52,373 --> 00:15:54,156
Well, after taxes and with your bonuses,
366
00:15:54,157 --> 00:15:56,856
it looks like you've got about
$10 grand a month to spend.
367
00:15:57,422 --> 00:15:59,510
- Oh, I do?
- Yes.
368
00:15:59,511 --> 00:16:02,035
And your nut's up to
about $12 grand a month.
369
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:03,384
What?
370
00:16:03,515 --> 00:16:05,865
But my nut was only $8 grand a week ago.
371
00:16:06,082 --> 00:16:08,171
Right. But you got a good-paying job.
372
00:16:08,346 --> 00:16:09,911
You see, as you make more money,
373
00:16:09,912 --> 00:16:11,914
your nut actually gets bigger.
374
00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,612
- How is that possible?
- It's all right.
375
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:16,179
If you can just get a few more bonuses,
376
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:18,074
we can refinance the house, divide that
377
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:20,129
by the number of Mexicans
you detained, and, of course,
378
00:16:20,173 --> 00:16:22,653
compound any Costa Ricans
you might incur to the...
379
00:16:22,664 --> 00:16:24,345
Freeze!
380
00:16:24,355 --> 00:16:25,630
Nobody move!
381
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:28,975
Here he is over here.
382
00:16:29,671 --> 00:16:31,630
Come on, Mackey. Need
to talk to you outside.
383
00:16:31,978 --> 00:16:33,632
Talk to me? About what?
384
00:16:34,589 --> 00:16:35,808
What's this all about?
385
00:16:36,112 --> 00:16:37,809
Congratulations, recruit.
386
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:40,159
I talked to the president
about your accomplishments,
387
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,249
and he says he wants to
help you with your nut.
388
00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:43,735
Really?
389
00:16:43,745 --> 00:16:45,556
- He does?
- That's right.
390
00:16:45,557 --> 00:16:47,601
We have orders to get you on a plane.
391
00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:49,604
The President wants to
thank you personally.
392
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,127
Congratulations.
393
00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:53,303
He's invited you to Mar-a-Lago.
394
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:55,654
Mar-a-Lago?
395
00:17:11,311 --> 00:17:12,877
Oh, wow.
396
00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:27,951
Relax! Take a load off!
397
00:17:28,277 --> 00:17:29,408
Boss, the plane is here
398
00:17:29,419 --> 00:17:31,682
from Immigration and
Customs Enforcement.
399
00:17:32,129 --> 00:17:33,435
I know, stupid. Let's go.
400
00:17:46,162 --> 00:17:47,287
Hey, buddy.
401
00:17:47,288 --> 00:17:49,116
Welcome to Mar-a-Lago.
402
00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:52,105
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.
403
00:17:53,029 --> 00:17:54,465
What is his fantasy, boss?
404
00:17:55,253 --> 00:17:56,472
Will you get out of here?
405
00:17:58,299 --> 00:17:59,735
Listen, buddy, I want to offer you
406
00:17:59,736 --> 00:18:01,128
an incredible opportunity.
407
00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:02,912
How would you like to make more money
408
00:18:02,913 --> 00:18:04,567
than you ever thought possible?
409
00:18:04,893 --> 00:18:07,809
Well, I do have a pretty huge nut.
410
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,833
Now, that's the kind of talk I like.
411
00:18:10,084 --> 00:18:12,042
Mar-a-Lago's for
everyone that's got a nut.
412
00:18:14,707 --> 00:18:16,100
I'm giving you a promotion.
413
00:18:16,622 --> 00:18:19,408
You'll have access to all
that Mar-a-Lago has to offer.
414
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,802
I want to make you the new
face of Homeland Security.
415
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:26,022
But, Mr. President,
I thought Kristi Noem
416
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:27,719
was the head of Homeland Security.
417
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,026
Well, she was, but
her face freaks me out.
418
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,071
So what do you say?
419
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:34,465
Well, I do need a high-paying job.
420
00:18:34,718 --> 00:18:35,723
Excellent.
421
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:37,475
Now, let's take care
of that nut for you.
422
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,934
Hey, Satan.
423
00:18:41,225 --> 00:18:43,009
Meet the new face of Homeland Security.
424
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:45,302
Whoa! Oh, my God.
425
00:18:45,303 --> 00:18:46,390
I just want to go.
426
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,696
This place is gross.
427
00:18:47,697 --> 00:18:49,611
Would you like me to apply the baby oil
428
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:51,396
to Satan's asshole, boss?
429
00:18:51,707 --> 00:18:54,666
Okay, look, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.
430
00:18:55,095 --> 00:18:57,489
I'm going to take a little break here.
431
00:18:57,794 --> 00:18:58,968
Hey, come on.
432
00:18:58,969 --> 00:19:00,100
Relax, guy.
433
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:07,205
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
434
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:12,677
Backpack, backpack.
435
00:19:12,678 --> 00:19:14,200
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer.
436
00:19:14,201 --> 00:19:15,218
Excuse me.
437
00:19:21,997 --> 00:19:23,694
Clyde?
438
00:19:24,951 --> 00:19:25,960
Not right now, sir.
439
00:19:25,971 --> 00:19:27,216
I've kind of had enough.
440
00:19:27,998 --> 00:19:31,436
What are you doing here... young man?
441
00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:33,351
Just trying to make my nut, sir.
442
00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:34,954
Didn't really want all this.
443
00:19:36,485 --> 00:19:39,488
Oh, well, young man...
444
00:19:46,491 --> 00:19:49,102
I kind of know what
you're going through, mkay?
445
00:19:50,977 --> 00:19:53,152
I know we all have a lot of pressures
446
00:19:53,153 --> 00:19:56,592
and we all want nice
things, mkay, but...
447
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,509
but if you're doing something
you don't really believe in
448
00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:02,728
just to make your nut,
449
00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:06,384
you're going to find
that you just get sadder
450
00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:08,691
and your nut just gets bigger.
451
00:20:09,561 --> 00:20:10,713
Mkay?
452
00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:13,554
Yeah.
453
00:20:13,565 --> 00:20:14,986
I guess you're right.
454
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,527
But... who are you?
455
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:25,800
I'm a goddamn counselor.
456
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,125
That's what I am.
457
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,886
This place isn't right for either of us.
458
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:32,497
There's got to be someone
that can help get us out.
459
00:20:46,352 --> 00:20:47,440
All right. Got him.
460
00:20:48,153 --> 00:20:50,559
Hey, Kristi, what's going on?
461
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:52,295
Trying to replace me
462
00:20:52,306 --> 00:20:54,395
as the face of Homeland Security, huh?
463
00:20:54,911 --> 00:20:56,390
Hey, relax, guy.
464
00:20:56,401 --> 00:20:58,228
Who could replace a face like that?
465
00:20:58,567 --> 00:21:00,350
Think I can't handle
myself 'cause I'm a lady
466
00:21:00,351 --> 00:21:02,483
with good looks that drive men wild?
467
00:21:18,630 --> 00:21:20,589
Come on. We're getting out of here.
468
00:21:21,372 --> 00:21:22,634
You too, come on.
469
00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:27,204
We got it. We got it.
470
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,645
Another job well done.
471
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:38,911
♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo loo loo ♪
472
00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:41,969
♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo ♪
473
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:47,720
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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